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» Wanking Disasters Part II

You know that myth about Marlilyn Manson?
So I'd been enjoying one of the few pleasures of puberty for a year or so now. Unfortunately, I didn't have anything to stimulate the mind other than an illustrated encyclopaedia with a naked pregnant woman in it, so I was starting to look around for more. The library was a good place to start, and after a few weeks I had managed to sneak home some art that was exciting, though only to the teenage mind. Basically I had found a magazine where the pap had snapped some drunk celebrity showing off all and everything, and a couple of books on puberty with some nekkid illustrations in.

Separately, I was also quite a bendy kid, since my joints hadn't set yet, and I was a fairly keen martial artist. One night, but not the fateful night, I was pumping away in my bed when I noticed that I could actually bend quite close to the top of my purple domed shaft, almost close enough to touch it with my tongue. This was fucking magic waiting to happen. Over the coming nights I would bend down further and further, and yes, I could give myself a damn good suck.

Now to that fateful night; I had the lust something bad, and had laid out all my dirty library pictures on my bed - there were norks as far as the eye could see, phwoar! After getting myself hard as only a young man can get, I got my head down and started slurping away. This was beautiful and Bacchus himself would have been proud of the pure hedonistic pleasure.

Now just as I'm about to cum - and yes, I fucking came in my mouth and swallowed - just as I'm about to cum, I hear a knock on my door; it's my dad asking why I'm awake at that late hour. I would tell him not to come in, but my mouth is full of dick at the time, shit! Then I cum, in my mouth, as my dad walks in.

So he sees me surrounded by the fucking tamest naked pictures you've ever seen, mouth dripping with my own boy fat, bathed in a post-orgasmic haze of shame and self-lust, and leaves.

This has never, ever, been brought up in conversation.
(Wed 23rd Feb 2011, 14:16, More)

» Greed

Wrong powder mate
My mate, J, was doing a catering course at a shit college full of neds who had failed their potty training.

So one day J and all the council gentlemen are in the college's greasy cafeteria, when one of them takes a sachet of instant coffee and empties it onto the table. He turned to J and said, "I'll give you a tenner to snort that." J, being a bit light of pocket, takes a moment to think (no he doesn't) and agrees. The coffee gets tidied up into a nice fat line and J sucks the whole lot up into his snot hole.

Expletives were made.

All the other fine gentlemen around the table were pretty fucking impressed with this, so J got another twenty on top of the ten. Score! (I got a pint later as well).

~~~

He then spends the afternoon dribbling a lovely mixture of foam, snot and coffee down his front, while trying to focus on not getting it on the food. He couldn't taste nowt but coffee for the next week.
(Fri 15th Apr 2011, 22:39, More)

» Sorry

I'm sorry
For subjecting b3ta to my first QOTW post then fucking off again in shame.

If you've just read my history to find which post I'm talking about, then I'm sorry again.

Slurp
(Fri 18th Jan 2013, 23:45, More)

» Greed

Some people are so greedy for attention that they become tragically obsessed.
www.b3ta.com/questions/greed/post1169194
(Fri 15th Apr 2011, 13:52, More)