» Bullies

I once had to share a house with a few people.
Every single one of them was an attention seeking drama queen, even the guys.
This one fat bitch with a mouth the size of the channel tunnel decided to take a dislike to me, because I'm Indian and started calling me names to everyone and slagging off my heritage. She even got one of the other girls (a blonde tit who thought she could sing) against me.
I was called names like "poppadom" and "fuckawallah", food I had prepared wouldn't be touched because "you don't know where those hands have been" and told "to go back to the slums" and to "fuck off home if you can't speak English properly".
It was absolutely disgraceful but I choose to ignore it.

I later found out the gobby shit died recently and did her best to make as much money out of her death a possible, the vapid slag. Guess I came out tops after all.

Lots of Love. Shilpa Shetty.
(Mon 18th May 2009, 11:03, More)

» Evil Pranks

The soup shower.
Unscrew your shower head. Insert 2/3 stock cubes. Re-attach shower head.

Wait for the next person to use the shower.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 18:02, More)

» Evil Pranks

Not done it YET... but I can't wait.
My Girlfriend is pregnant and is due in the middle of April. My Mum is very VERY excited about this as it's her first grandchild.
So... Come April the 1st I shall be making a very panicky phone call to Mum...

Me: "MUM, It's me! Mrs Maffers is in labour! We're on our way to the Hospital!"
Mum: "Oh my god! I'll be there right now! Oh my God Oh my God!!!"
Me: "ROFFLE LOLLERCOASTER!!!"
Mum: "YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!!"

I genuinely can't wait...

Length... 14/15 weeks to go.
(Fri 14th Dec 2007, 17:26, More)

» Expensive Mistakes

QOTW
Back in the days when I was Assistant Manager of a certain frozen food chain store {which carol vorderman is currently selling her soul for, and is not Iceland}. I got change from the safe for a member of staff on the checkouts. I {stupidly} left the safe open as I would be right back. I got talking to a customer and when I went back to the office the contents of the safe were gone. £2300. Also my minidisc player from the staff room and a member of staffs purse{she claims, I had doubts}. Turns out some one walked into through the back to rob the staff room and got the safe contents as an added bonus. They tried the same in the local 99p store. I just about kept my job.
(Sun 28th Oct 2007, 2:42, More)

» Pubs

4th!
Fuck it. I shouldn't have bothered. I've not been out in my home town for 2 years or so. It's a shithole.
The usual fights. Vomiting. Crap dancing. Drug dealing. Etc.

Hey ACTUALLY! I used to work in a very rough pub called the "Saltoun". One morning a regular walks in and asks if I have the keys to the rooms upstairs. I didn't.
Turns out 2 English lads staying in the hotel bit had mugged his nephew the night before (The lad was a bit of a druggie and was carrying about £150 on him) outside the bar. This was a BIG mistake. Said regular was from a very bad part of Glasgow and had a MASSIVE scar on his face (started on his forehead down over his eye to his chin) from when he was in a knife fight. He was also a grade A psycho.
Realising he couldn't just burst into their room he took a screwdriver from behind the bar (I had no part in that) and waited by the window. When the 2 lads came out he chased them down the street. He didn't catch them but they had left their keys in the car door. He went in and took the stereo. A mobile phone and then flattened the tires.
I finished my shift before they came back for the car but I heard later it took them 3 hours to show up and when they did they had the young lads cash with a bit extra on top. They were meant to stay over another night but just got the car tires pumped up and fucked off.

Don't blame them.

I used to open the bar at 7am and there were always the same 3 guys waiting outside for it to open come rain or shine. One of them always ordered the same thing. A pint and a double rum. He would be royally pissed by 11. Go home for a kip and come back at 5.
(Thu 5th Feb 2009, 20:57, More)