» Call Centres

How they recruit at Indian call centres:
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister Manager, I am ready.'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'
Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, yellow, this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.
(Thu 3rd Sep 2009, 15:31, More)

» IT Support

A pearoast - but on topic (kinda)
Back when we still used FileMaker (I know, I know) my PC at work was called 'God' on the network...which led to this happening one day:


(Thu 24th Sep 2009, 13:47, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Day out at Silverstone...
Take 2 idiots (that'd be me and my mate Liam), add alcohol, weed and mix up with a lot of sunshine.

Then wander into the shop to re-arrange the bears thus:



The bonus was the look on the woman's face when she saw it...never noticed when I took the pic.
(Wed 23rd Sep 2009, 11:05, More)

» Banks

Ah banks...I've got a tale...
I used to bank with an institution that rhythms with 'haemorrhoids' (and let's be honest - they are a pain in the arse) - had my (meagre) wages paid in there, direct debits setup for bills etc., everything was great.

Then, after a few years with them, one month I got a letter saying a direct debit hadn't been paid.

"Strange," thinks I, "There was money in there...". After investigating online (I chose this option to do my bit and save the trees or some such bollocks, so no paper except for the monthly statement), I found that all of my carefully planned debits had been cancelled.

Being the generally peace loving chap I am, I cheerfully set them all up again, spreading them over the month as before so avoid any bank charges for going over my overdraft (what overdraft?).

Next month - same thing...grr. I, slightly less cheerfully than before, set them up again.

Next month - same thing. Set them all up again, and went back to my happy place.

Wasn't until I decided to top up a pay-as-you-go mobile using the ATM one morning that I realised something was up - the machine kept my card.

Fuming, I got to work, logged into my account to find that yes, I had cash in there and therefore should have been ok with the top-up. As soon as they opened (and I'd managed to track down a number for the local branch), I called the bank to ask what the blithering fuck was going on?

Their reply? "But sir, your account was closed 3 months ago."

WTF?

They. Closed. My. Account.

Without notifying me in anyway.

When I pointed this out to the drone on the phone (heh - poetry), they assured me I'd been sent a letter. I pointed out that mine was a paperless account and I only get the monthly statements and had received no notification - why would I continue to have my wages paid into a closed account?

After about 20 minutes of this, I'd had enough. "Right!" I roared (poetic license), "I'll be down in about 15 minutes, and you'd better have the balance of my account, in cash ready for me." and hung up.

Got to the bank, presented myself to the cashier and told them I'd come to pickup the balance from my account. She wandered off and came back 2 minutes later saying "A cheque will be sent out to your address..."

I lost the plot at this point, demanded to see a supervisor, informed them that THEY'D shut my account with no notification to me, and that if I didn't get EVERY SINGLE PENNY, PLUS DUE INTEREST, I'd be phoning the old bill regarding theft.

Took them about 45 seconds to count out the £83.47 or so, I stuck 2 fingers up at the camera, mooned it, and fucked off.

So now I use another set of wbankers now, and they even allow me an overdraft...

Apologies for lack of funneh, but there's nothing funny about banks.

Length? about 3 years now, and still happy(ish)
(Thu 16th Jul 2009, 13:47, More)

» Call Centres

Not exactly a call centre...but it IS related
Our office is actually a large security box - don't get me wrong, it has windows and heating and all the goodies - even air con :)

Anyway, in my little 'office' at the back, I have my own phone line which receives quite a lot of cold calls. Now, when I'm not too busy, I do enjoy having some fun so when I got a call one day from some clown selling windows, I was in my element:

"Why yes, I was talking to the good lady just the other night - I'd love for one of your monkeys salespersons to visit me..." grinning manically, I gave the postcode and number, and hung up.

The boss's "You utter cunt." just made me grin even more. I promptly forgot about the call and went about my usual daily thing (reading B3ta, occasionally doing something constructive) when my phone rang. Now, the only person who has the number is the work's manager at our other location, so I picked up the phone with my usual "Y'ello?" and got this (not exact, but close as damn it):

"Do you think that's clever?"
Me: "Eh?"
Irate Phone Monkey: "I've just had my guy drive 50 miles to your place and it's a fucking storage box!"
*Lights go on in my head*
Me: "Oh, well he didn't call in - are you sure he found the right place?"
IPM: "You cunt!" *slam*
Me: *snigger*

An hour or so later, my phone rings - it's IPM trying to order a pizza, grinning, I listen to his order, adding helpful things such as "Would you like extra panda with that?", "Sorry, that pizza only comes without cheese..." before finally telling him gently that he's supposed to call a pizza company and get them to deliver here, not call me - bless.

Not heard from him recently - I'll have to dig out the number and give him a call.

Oh, and phoning BT: I'd rather castrate myself with a rusty teaspoon.
(Thu 3rd Sep 2009, 15:24, More)