» Advice from Old People

Advice from the Bus
Many moons ago I was sitting on the bus returning from a boring day at 6th form when two old duffers get on the bus.

Now one of these poor old sods had a stinking cold. The other elderly gentleman offered the following advice "All you need to cure a cold is a cup of hot milk and a bottle of Whiskey." Apparently all you have to do is "Drink the bottle of whiskey before the milk gets cold."

Never mind the quality feel the width.
(Thu 19th Jun 2008, 16:57, More)

» Buses

Advice from old people
Many moons ago I regularly had to take a bus from my tiny little village into Sixth Form College in Eastleigh (one of the armpits of Southampton). This was normally a tedious affair that resulted in you having to sit next to some smelly old duffer who probably thought they were still rationing soap.

On one winter afternoon I was dutifully skipping a chemistry class and returning home early to engage in far more interesting activities with my then girlfriend. Upon reaching the rancid shopping centre in the centre of Eastleigh two elderly gentlemen boarded. One of the poor old duffers was suffering from a stinking cold. As these two gentlemen sat down I was blessed with overhearing the following advice:

Duffer 1: “Cold?”
Duffer 2: “Yes! Bloody stinker…worse than a German sniper.”
D1: Best way to cure a cold you need a half bottle of whiskey and a glass of warm milk.
D2: What? You put the whiskey in the milk.
D1: Nope…you got to drink the entire bottle of whiskey before the milk gets cold. Cure anything that.

Wonderful advice that…lived by it for years!
(Tue 30th Jun 2009, 16:12, More)

» My Collection

I collect...
Psycho Ex-Girlfriends. Doing quite well have a good dozen or so! My favorites include:
- Ran off with my best mate and tried to blame it on my parents!
- Said "Yes" to the will you marry me question then tried to deny all knowledge of the question.
- One that phones me up from time to time to ask if I want to fly half way across the world for really quite rubbish sex.

And I'm working on this new one...she's so attention seeking I can't even play World Of Warcraft with out her trying to cuddle me. Damn her! I have Murlocs to kill!
(Fri 12th Jan 2007, 13:03, More)

» Banks

Internet wanking
I refuse to join modern times 'cos I won't do the Internet Banking thing. This is mainly born out of the fact that one of my mates helped design the security system which is used by several major banks. The security on most internet banking sites has more holes than swiss cheese.

He once demonstrated how bad it was by using nothing but a lap top a pub's internet connection, 6 pints of stella and the name read from a card being used at the bar.
(Thu 16th Jul 2009, 13:47, More)

» Family codes and rituals

Strange Names
For some reason or another my family just can't seem to use people's real names. I have an uncle called Binks (real name Gordon) and another called Sam (real name Rodger). I only ever call my brother Padge even though his real name is Andrew. And to top it all off I am called "Greeny-groggs" - although this might be something to do with the fact that I used to wipe my snot on the wall.

Oh yeah and my Dad is called Baldy - even though he still has hair (this might be something to do with the fact that he is Ginger and we just hope that he might have the dignity to let it all fall out).
(Fri 21st Nov 2008, 0:30, More)