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- a member for 3 years, 4 months and 1 day
- has posted 20 messages on the main board
- has posted 12 messages on the talk board
- has posted 1 messages on the links board
- has posted 54 stories and 59 replies on question of the week
- They liked 100 pictures, 1 links, 1 talk posts, and 64 qotw answers.
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» My most gullible moment
American tourist...
I was in Stockholm a few weeks ago and, whilst there, a friend and I happened to be at the palace at 12.30, when they do the changing of the guard. It was quite an elaborate ceremony with soldiers in full dress uniform displaying their swords, a marching band, horses and canons. An unfortunate American woman next to me asked me if I knew what was happening, to which I replied: "Oh, it's an execution...."
She got quite upset and was trying to leave when I had to admit that it wasn't.
She also believed me later when the band started playing and I said: "Oh, this is the national anthem of IKEA...."
(Sun 24th Aug 2008, 12:18, More)
American tourist...
I was in Stockholm a few weeks ago and, whilst there, a friend and I happened to be at the palace at 12.30, when they do the changing of the guard. It was quite an elaborate ceremony with soldiers in full dress uniform displaying their swords, a marching band, horses and canons. An unfortunate American woman next to me asked me if I knew what was happening, to which I replied: "Oh, it's an execution...."
She got quite upset and was trying to leave when I had to admit that it wasn't.
She also believed me later when the band started playing and I said: "Oh, this is the national anthem of IKEA...."
(Sun 24th Aug 2008, 12:18, More)
» Evil Pranks
Simple but effective...
A few months back my housemate was asleep in his room and I was in a rather mischeivous mood. Our other housemate had been decorating his room and had taken his door off its hinges and left it leaning against the wall in the hall. Anyway, said housemate's door was identical to sleeping housemate's bedroom door. It was all too easy. I simply moved the spare door so that it covered sleeping housemate's doorway.
Now, I'm not at my sharpest when I've just woken up - I have been known to walk down the hall literally bumping into the walls in search of my first coffee of the day. My housemate has a similarly slow start time.
Imagine the confusion in my poor half-alseep friend's mind when he opened his door only to find the door he thought he'd just opened.
Only took him a few seconds to work it out but he said those few seconds fucked his brain something terrible....
(Mon 17th Dec 2007, 0:14, More)
Simple but effective...
A few months back my housemate was asleep in his room and I was in a rather mischeivous mood. Our other housemate had been decorating his room and had taken his door off its hinges and left it leaning against the wall in the hall. Anyway, said housemate's door was identical to sleeping housemate's bedroom door. It was all too easy. I simply moved the spare door so that it covered sleeping housemate's doorway.
Now, I'm not at my sharpest when I've just woken up - I have been known to walk down the hall literally bumping into the walls in search of my first coffee of the day. My housemate has a similarly slow start time.
Imagine the confusion in my poor half-alseep friend's mind when he opened his door only to find the door he thought he'd just opened.
Only took him a few seconds to work it out but he said those few seconds fucked his brain something terrible....
(Mon 17th Dec 2007, 0:14, More)
» Addicted
South-Central American
When I was a few years younger and more naive than I am now I met a guy in a pub. He offered this white powder and said something to me, but I couldn't understand what he was saying. Then my friend told me that the guy's family were from South-Central America. Suddenly it became clear why his speech was so hard to follow: it was Maya diction...
(Sat 20th Dec 2008, 16:55, More)
South-Central American
When I was a few years younger and more naive than I am now I met a guy in a pub. He offered this white powder and said something to me, but I couldn't understand what he was saying. Then my friend told me that the guy's family were from South-Central America. Suddenly it became clear why his speech was so hard to follow: it was Maya diction...
(Sat 20th Dec 2008, 16:55, More)
» IT Support
No funnies
I taught English to a group of guys from the telephone support dept. of a national energy supplier. Normally, in the first lesson of a course, I don't really plan to have much of a lesson. I usually have more of a fun general chat / get to know each other time. The first lesson with this group went something like this:
EAGER TEACHER FULL OF JOY & ENTHUSIASM: Hi, my name is Mr ComplexStuff, I'm your new English teacher. Today is our first day so I'd like to get to know you and your interests so I can plan the course to best suit you and your needs. *points to first student (who looks like he's not seen sunlight in years and is still dressed by his mother)* So, what have you been doing today?
ANEMIC LOOKING GEEK: Er... nothing.
EAGER TEACHER FULL OF JOY & ENTHUSIASM: OK, a quiet day at the office. Tell me what you did at the weekend. Did you go out?
ANEMIC LOOKING GEEK: Er... no. I just stayed at home.
TEACHER FULL OF JOY & ENTHUSIASM: Fair enough, I had a quiet weekend too. What did you do at home? Do you have any hobbies.
ANEMIC LOOKING GEEK: Er... no, not really.
TEACHER BECOMING RAPIDLY LESS FULL OF JOY & ENTHUSIASM: OK... no hobbies? You don't play any instruments? You don't belong to any sports clubs?
ANEMIC LOOKING GEEK: Er... no.
TEACHER TRYING TO MAINTAIN FACADE OF JOY & ENTHUSIASM: Do you play games online, perhaps? Do you like watching DVDs?
ANEMIC LOOKING GEEK: Ermmm... no.
TEACHER FAILING TO MAINTAIN FACADE OF JOY & ENTHUSIASM: So, what DO you do when you're not working?
ANEMIC LOOKING GEEK: Nothing much. I sleep.
TEACHER MAKING MENTAL NOTE NOT TO ASK THE ANEMIC ONE ANY MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT SOCIAL ACTIVITIES: OK, we'll come back to you. *points to next student whilst trying to regain excited tone* What can you tell me about your job?
FAT GUY WITH LITTLE BEADS OF SWEAT ON HIS FOREHEAD, GREASY HAIR AND A SEE-THROUGH MOUSTACHE: Ermm... not much...
*pregnant pause as teacher dies a little inside*
Seriously, the whole group of 8 adults (aged 18-30) took all of about 3 minutes to go through their entire social lives, interests, hobbies, jobs and career goals. they did NOTHING. A more unimaginative, uninspiring, insipid human beings I have never met.
If that group were a colour, it would be beige.
(Thu 24th Sep 2009, 19:56, More)
No funnies
I taught English to a group of guys from the telephone support dept. of a national energy supplier. Normally, in the first lesson of a course, I don't really plan to have much of a lesson. I usually have more of a fun general chat / get to know each other time. The first lesson with this group went something like this:
EAGER TEACHER FULL OF JOY & ENTHUSIASM: Hi, my name is Mr ComplexStuff, I'm your new English teacher. Today is our first day so I'd like to get to know you and your interests so I can plan the course to best suit you and your needs. *points to first student (who looks like he's not seen sunlight in years and is still dressed by his mother)* So, what have you been doing today?
ANEMIC LOOKING GEEK: Er... nothing.
EAGER TEACHER FULL OF JOY & ENTHUSIASM: OK, a quiet day at the office. Tell me what you did at the weekend. Did you go out?
ANEMIC LOOKING GEEK: Er... no. I just stayed at home.
TEACHER FULL OF JOY & ENTHUSIASM: Fair enough, I had a quiet weekend too. What did you do at home? Do you have any hobbies.
ANEMIC LOOKING GEEK: Er... no, not really.
TEACHER BECOMING RAPIDLY LESS FULL OF JOY & ENTHUSIASM: OK... no hobbies? You don't play any instruments? You don't belong to any sports clubs?
ANEMIC LOOKING GEEK: Er... no.
TEACHER TRYING TO MAINTAIN FACADE OF JOY & ENTHUSIASM: Do you play games online, perhaps? Do you like watching DVDs?
ANEMIC LOOKING GEEK: Ermmm... no.
TEACHER FAILING TO MAINTAIN FACADE OF JOY & ENTHUSIASM: So, what DO you do when you're not working?
ANEMIC LOOKING GEEK: Nothing much. I sleep.
TEACHER MAKING MENTAL NOTE NOT TO ASK THE ANEMIC ONE ANY MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT SOCIAL ACTIVITIES: OK, we'll come back to you. *points to next student whilst trying to regain excited tone* What can you tell me about your job?
FAT GUY WITH LITTLE BEADS OF SWEAT ON HIS FOREHEAD, GREASY HAIR AND A SEE-THROUGH MOUSTACHE: Ermm... not much...
*pregnant pause as teacher dies a little inside*
Seriously, the whole group of 8 adults (aged 18-30) took all of about 3 minutes to go through their entire social lives, interests, hobbies, jobs and career goals. they did NOTHING. A more unimaginative, uninspiring, insipid human beings I have never met.
If that group were a colour, it would be beige.
(Thu 24th Sep 2009, 19:56, More)
» Picky Eaters
Tix
I don´t believe in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. They´re just being fussy. If people were really that obsessive they´d want to get their damn disease in alphabetical order and call it CDO...
(Tue 6th Mar 2007, 23:22, More)
Tix
I don´t believe in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. They´re just being fussy. If people were really that obsessive they´d want to get their damn disease in alphabetical order and call it CDO...
(Tue 6th Mar 2007, 23:22, More)