» Stupid Tourists

Houston, Texas
Asked by concierge, "Hey man, I really dig your accent, where are you from?"

I'm from England.

I explained to him I was from Japan..

"Man, you speak really good american!"

(note the lowercase 'a' - I don't recognise 'american' as a language)

"No I don't,", I explained, "I am speaking Japanese, my mobile phone translates it to whatever language I choose, In real-time"

I left him in awe.
(Fri 8th Jul 2005, 13:33, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

A Condom
So... a long time ago, in a wooded area far,far away...

I was young (legal age(ish)) in a tent with my then girl friend. (most definitely legal(ish))

In the next tent along was my then best buddy. After bonfires, beers and bedtime, I suddenly realised I needed that special rubber sock contraption. These were stored, easily available, in my ruck sack - which was in the (now don't chuckle) bell-end of the tent next door...

Much bartering ensued and I purchased a single johnny (MY OWN PROPERTY!) for the grand price of an NBC smock(Nuclear, Biological, Chemical protective 'coat') and a gortex sleeping-back cover. Now these things aint cheap, but at the time were damned cool. (Honest)

Though drunk I still felt robbed; I ensured that we gave a suitably annoying vocal show for the next full 3 1/2 minutes to show off.

It wasn't till the morning that it transpired everything from my belly button down was drenched in (now well-clotted) blood....After I had left the tent and greeted my fellow campers. Hohum.

Same chap 'borrowed', out of the blue, £400 from me in 1999.



-if it fits, then wear it-
(Thu 9th Jun 2005, 22:24, More)

» Panic Buying

Beef
This is actually quite a difficult one. Not many people, especially men, would admit to being in panic...

Anyhoo... More of an anti-panic, Ie taking advantage of people NOT buying....

At Uni, money and food was short. Very short. We used to wash tesco 19p for 20 burgers under hot water in order to make a spag bogy source with ketchup.

Then came BSE. Hoorah! for weeks on end we would buy the poor butchers stock for next to nothing late on a Saturday night. Scared that next week it may not be as cheap. We're talking 3 trays of 12 steaks for £7 here. Including the tray. Magical times for students.

The result, freezers full of panic bought Beef steak.

Steak on toast for Breakfast.
Steak Sandwiches for Lunch.
Just Steak for Dinner.

I hated steak. Until I discovered 'Chum' curry...
(Fri 30th Dec 2005, 22:19, More)

» I was drunk when I bought this

More Notts Marijuana
Wow, purple_iain you completly reminded me...

In second year at Notts (circa '96) I was returning home to my Hyson Green digs (From RCity, of course) and was offered some. Paid full whack £15, if I recall

On crumbling, I discovered it to be a 'square-cut' block of Bassetts liquice stick. I was a little bit upset. But to be honest I like liquice so much I decided to forgive that anonytmous tall dark menacing stranger.

If he'd used dutch salty liquice I'd have tracked him down and....
(Tue 14th Jun 2005, 20:03, More)

» Darwin Awards

My first electrical plug wiring
New electric drill needed a plug.

I didn't know which wire went where.

Trying different configurations to see which one worked - trial and error stylee - seemed the best course of action.

To save time I decided not to bother replacing the back of the plug between tries.

First attempt, pushes plug into place with palm of hand.

Luckily for me it was an explosive 'push-away' result, rather than a 'grip-tight-and-fry' result.
(Fri 13th Feb 2009, 19:25, More)