Profile for Fire & Forget:
Has photoshop but is crap at it.
CDCs on MS paint about my limit right now.
After leaving Mrs F&F, due to "artistic differences" in 2005, I am now staying with my 80's schooldays sweet-heart. Result.
I hate my work and I want a new job where I too can be on the 5 internets all day, drawing cocks and memes.
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- a member for 5 years, 0 months and 8 days
- has posted 452 messages on the main board
- has posted 30 messages on the talk board
- has posted 166 messages on the links board
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- has posted 156 stories and 11 replies on question of the week
- They liked 87 pictures, 147 links, 0 talk posts, and 119 qotw answers.
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Has photoshop but is crap at it.
CDCs on MS paint about my limit right now.
After leaving Mrs F&F, due to "artistic differences" in 2005, I am now staying with my 80's schooldays sweet-heart. Result.
I hate my work and I want a new job where I too can be on the 5 internets all day, drawing cocks and memes.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Stupid Tourists
Dumb Ass tourists
When I worked for Waterstones I was once asked for any local history books on "Ire-Land" by this female,middle aged american tourist.
"We dont have any" I replied
"Why not?"
"This is Edinburgh, not Ireland"
"I didn't say Island. I said Ire-land"
"I know, however you may find something in the european history section on the first floor" I said pointing to the escalator.
"You mean the 2nd floor?"
"Upstairs" I say with the falsest smile I could muster.
Ignorant bastards like that shouldn't be allowed to leave their country. These are the people who "video-ed" the castle from Princes St. Why? It doesnt fucking move, why video tape it. They also thought the Highlands were the more elevated bits of town. How did these people reach adulthood without being killed through their own stupidity?
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 23:11, More)
Dumb Ass tourists
When I worked for Waterstones I was once asked for any local history books on "Ire-Land" by this female,middle aged american tourist.
"We dont have any" I replied
"Why not?"
"This is Edinburgh, not Ireland"
"I didn't say Island. I said Ire-land"
"I know, however you may find something in the european history section on the first floor" I said pointing to the escalator.
"You mean the 2nd floor?"
"Upstairs" I say with the falsest smile I could muster.
Ignorant bastards like that shouldn't be allowed to leave their country. These are the people who "video-ed" the castle from Princes St. Why? It doesnt fucking move, why video tape it. They also thought the Highlands were the more elevated bits of town. How did these people reach adulthood without being killed through their own stupidity?
(Thu 7th Jul 2005, 23:11, More)
» The most cash I've ever carried
More Cash
if we are talking my own money...
I inherited a good amonut of hard cash when I was 21 but it took ages to get a hold of; red tape.
On a night out about 12 weeks after my birthday, I had been getting the rounds in, like everyone else, and by 11.45 was a bit skint so as we were all heading off to another pub I stopped off at the cash machine.
As it turned midnight, I pressed "mini statement" and was pleasantly surprised to read I had £42,015.15 in my account. [The £15.15 was what was in there before midnight.]
We got trollied that night.
Still got the wee slip of paper.
(Thu 22nd Jun 2006, 14:43, More)
More Cash
if we are talking my own money...
I inherited a good amonut of hard cash when I was 21 but it took ages to get a hold of; red tape.
On a night out about 12 weeks after my birthday, I had been getting the rounds in, like everyone else, and by 11.45 was a bit skint so as we were all heading off to another pub I stopped off at the cash machine.
As it turned midnight, I pressed "mini statement" and was pleasantly surprised to read I had £42,015.15 in my account. [The £15.15 was what was in there before midnight.]
We got trollied that night.
Still got the wee slip of paper.
(Thu 22nd Jun 2006, 14:43, More)
» Fire!
burning
I worked with a guy who had previously worked in an aluminium smelter.
He used to regale us with tales of the daft things people do when working with really hot molten metals.
One day I had jokingly enquired if he had ever seen any injuries, "'cause that thatf stuff would burn right through you..."
He went all quiet and said that the week he started there had been a fatal accident where someone had fallen into, or came into contact with some "vat" [or similar] of motlen aluminium and his lower torso had become instantly consumed by the metal [Terminator Style].
Except unlike in the film, he screamed, and screamed and screamed. What really freaked out my work mate was the sinister gossip which came out of all of that.
It was whispered round the factory that on seeing their mortally wounded team mate in the vat, screaming, the relative merits of shutting him up by poking him right under the surface were seemingly discussed! Eeek!
Sanity kicked in and they pulled him away but it was too late.
Well that killed the conversation on our lunch break, I can tell you!
(Sun 6th Nov 2005, 10:21, More)
burning
I worked with a guy who had previously worked in an aluminium smelter.
He used to regale us with tales of the daft things people do when working with really hot molten metals.
One day I had jokingly enquired if he had ever seen any injuries, "'cause that thatf stuff would burn right through you..."
He went all quiet and said that the week he started there had been a fatal accident where someone had fallen into, or came into contact with some "vat" [or similar] of motlen aluminium and his lower torso had become instantly consumed by the metal [Terminator Style].
Except unlike in the film, he screamed, and screamed and screamed. What really freaked out my work mate was the sinister gossip which came out of all of that.
It was whispered round the factory that on seeing their mortally wounded team mate in the vat, screaming, the relative merits of shutting him up by poking him right under the surface were seemingly discussed! Eeek!
Sanity kicked in and they pulled him away but it was too late.
Well that killed the conversation on our lunch break, I can tell you!
(Sun 6th Nov 2005, 10:21, More)
» When animals attack...
Satans winged envoys
When I worked for a small architecural practice, as the office bitch, I often wondered who owned the 3 bee hives on the lawn next to the car park.
The following spring, whilst speaking to our receptionist, I saw this stout lady in twin set and pearls arrive, along with her double barrelled surname and 2 fuckwit gun dogs, and she then proceeded to piss about with the bees.
Obviously she relied on shouting at the bees, the same way she treated the dogs, to keep them subdued as she wore NO PROTECTIVE SUIT.
Anyway one of the wee fecker decided he wasnt being spoken to like that and, to cut a long story short, flew up her skirt and stung the toffee nosed Tory on the cnut! This was deduced by the Michael Jackson-esque grabbing of her own crotch and high pitched "oows!" she made as she staggered backwards (moonwalked?) into her Landrover to inspect the damage. After 10 minutes she managed to drive off.
We were all pissing ourselves at the reception window.
(Thu 2nd Jun 2005, 23:30, More)
Satans winged envoys
When I worked for a small architecural practice, as the office bitch, I often wondered who owned the 3 bee hives on the lawn next to the car park.
The following spring, whilst speaking to our receptionist, I saw this stout lady in twin set and pearls arrive, along with her double barrelled surname and 2 fuckwit gun dogs, and she then proceeded to piss about with the bees.
Obviously she relied on shouting at the bees, the same way she treated the dogs, to keep them subdued as she wore NO PROTECTIVE SUIT.
Anyway one of the wee fecker decided he wasnt being spoken to like that and, to cut a long story short, flew up her skirt and stung the toffee nosed Tory on the cnut! This was deduced by the Michael Jackson-esque grabbing of her own crotch and high pitched "oows!" she made as she staggered backwards (moonwalked?) into her Landrover to inspect the damage. After 10 minutes she managed to drive off.
We were all pissing ourselves at the reception window.
(Thu 2nd Jun 2005, 23:30, More)
» Jobsworths
Jobs worth
Coming back from a holiday in France, last year, we had to book in at Charles De Gaul Airport. I should have seen this as an omen as he was an anglophobe, especially as Churchill basically wouldn't trust the vain cheese eating surrender monkey as far as he could throw him.
Anyway, went to the desk early and asked if we could get 6 adjacent seats, so me, the missus, the 2 nippers and the inlaws could all sit in the same row.
"Mais oui!" our pox scarred, rim licking, checkin clerk replies, "it would be my pleasure"
The garlic eating, butt hole surfer only gave us 6 windows seats down the left hand side of the plane; 10a 11a 12a 13a 14a 15a!!!
Remind me why we liberated these cnuts?
(Thu 12th May 2005, 22:36, More)
Jobs worth
Coming back from a holiday in France, last year, we had to book in at Charles De Gaul Airport. I should have seen this as an omen as he was an anglophobe, especially as Churchill basically wouldn't trust the vain cheese eating surrender monkey as far as he could throw him.
Anyway, went to the desk early and asked if we could get 6 adjacent seats, so me, the missus, the 2 nippers and the inlaws could all sit in the same row.
"Mais oui!" our pox scarred, rim licking, checkin clerk replies, "it would be my pleasure"
The garlic eating, butt hole surfer only gave us 6 windows seats down the left hand side of the plane; 10a 11a 12a 13a 14a 15a!!!
Remind me why we liberated these cnuts?
(Thu 12th May 2005, 22:36, More)