Profile for mutated monty:
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- a member for 5 years, 2 months and 12 days
- has posted 4838 messages on the main board
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- has posted 4 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
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| I'm currently looking for freelance animation/illustration work - get in touch: info (at) cyriak.co.uk |
 |  | Hello, have you come to see more of my stuff? I've been chucking it all on my web-site so go have a look, and check out me weird comics while you are there. The real name is Cyriak by the way, and it is a real name, although if you have met anyone else called Cyriak then you are doing better than me. website: www.cyriak.co.uk email: info at cyriak dot co dot uk secret link to 1st post | ||
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
» When animals attack...
Spiders!!!
I am terrified of spiders and they know this, and torment me by appearing suddenly and chasing me down the road.
One day the biggest hairiest house spider in the world decided to pay me and my brother a visit. Fearing it might grab the fly swatter out of his hand, bro decides to attack it using a can of silver spray-paint - the idea being that the sticky paint would congeal it into a gummy immobile lump.
What it actually did was to create an extremely angry robotic looking uber-spider. It also did a great job of highlighting its horrible hairs making it look twice as big.
The cyber-spider came to a rather grizly end, dancing to death on our stove. All the other spiders know, and plot their sinister revenge.
(Fri 3rd Jun 2005, 15:30, More)
Spiders!!!
I am terrified of spiders and they know this, and torment me by appearing suddenly and chasing me down the road.
One day the biggest hairiest house spider in the world decided to pay me and my brother a visit. Fearing it might grab the fly swatter out of his hand, bro decides to attack it using a can of silver spray-paint - the idea being that the sticky paint would congeal it into a gummy immobile lump.
What it actually did was to create an extremely angry robotic looking uber-spider. It also did a great job of highlighting its horrible hairs making it look twice as big.
The cyber-spider came to a rather grizly end, dancing to death on our stove. All the other spiders know, and plot their sinister revenge.
(Fri 3rd Jun 2005, 15:30, More)
» The Boss
my old boss was certifiable
He was a geniune mentalist. My job interview consisted of me interviewing myself while he sat there nervously mumbling incoherantly and avoiding eye contact.
And that is pretty much how he communicated with everyone. If anyone has seen Ralph Fiennes in the film 'Spider' that is a fairly accurate representation.
Most days he would come in to work at 6 o'clock in the evening in the hope of avoiding any of his employees. On days that we did see him he was usually sitting at his computer in a darkened room with his face inches from the screen, slowly disintegrating. On rare occasions that he did need to talk to us he would creep into the room, stare at the floor and mumble something, then leave before anyone registered that he was actually there.
Then one day he stormed into the office at 9 in the morning and told the accounts woman "If you don't like working here then fuck off!" When she refused to budge he had some kind of brain-spazm and announced that the office was closed and everyone had to leave. So we all sauntered out in bewilderment and went to the pub.
Meanwhile the accounts woman still refused to leave the office until she got paid. Aparently he then scribbled out a cheque for ten thousand pounds and threw it at her, before rushing out and locking her in the office. Being in charge of accounts, she used her time while imprisoned to put her next wages through the system.
A few days later we were treated to the sight of him running around the office being chased by two policemen who wanted a chat.
Happy times...
(Fri 19th Jun 2009, 11:39, More)
my old boss was certifiable
He was a geniune mentalist. My job interview consisted of me interviewing myself while he sat there nervously mumbling incoherantly and avoiding eye contact.
And that is pretty much how he communicated with everyone. If anyone has seen Ralph Fiennes in the film 'Spider' that is a fairly accurate representation.
Most days he would come in to work at 6 o'clock in the evening in the hope of avoiding any of his employees. On days that we did see him he was usually sitting at his computer in a darkened room with his face inches from the screen, slowly disintegrating. On rare occasions that he did need to talk to us he would creep into the room, stare at the floor and mumble something, then leave before anyone registered that he was actually there.
Then one day he stormed into the office at 9 in the morning and told the accounts woman "If you don't like working here then fuck off!" When she refused to budge he had some kind of brain-spazm and announced that the office was closed and everyone had to leave. So we all sauntered out in bewilderment and went to the pub.
Meanwhile the accounts woman still refused to leave the office until she got paid. Aparently he then scribbled out a cheque for ten thousand pounds and threw it at her, before rushing out and locking her in the office. Being in charge of accounts, she used her time while imprisoned to put her next wages through the system.
A few days later we were treated to the sight of him running around the office being chased by two policemen who wanted a chat.
Happy times...
(Fri 19th Jun 2009, 11:39, More)