Our economy may be fucked..
but spare a thought for the Russians...

(Thu 9th Oct 2008, 23:11, More)

Must have been done
Old man's idea so can't claim the credit

(Wed 2nd Jan 2008, 18:56, More)

» The worst sex I ever had

The funniest sex I ever had
was with an ex about 4 years ago. I'd been cooking/eating whilst she was getting increasingly drunk on the sofa watching TV under a duvet at her parents.

After I'd eaten I sat and watched whatever wank film was on with her, who by this stage was pretty drunk, when her parents returned and sat down opposite us.

At this point my ex decided that it was a good idea to try and wank me off under the duvet. To be fair she was quite subtle. Until I tried to return the favour when within 2 minutes she started to moan and writhe quite a bit.

I had a bit of a smug grin at this point, all hail me and my mighty fingers.

It wasn't until she hissed in my ear that I realised why she was reacting in such a way.

"You haven't washed your hands"

I'd be cooking with fresh chilis.

She had a burning cunt.

How I laughed.
(Fri 15th Jun 2007, 14:24, More)

» Hypocrisy

Death and the tabloids
Take Jade Goody. Once portrayed as an evil racist bitch, now she's Brave Jade™ the new people's princess.

Same with Diana. One minute she's portrayed as a complete slag, then through death she's miraculously transformed into the people's princess, with her face splashed across thousands of limited edition commemorative plates hanging on walls of tabloid reader's homes across the country.

I'm not suggesting for a second that either of the above are/were evil and deserved to die, far from it, it just amuses me how the tabloids constantly contradict themselves in a vain attempt to shift more copies.

We're all guilty of it.. every local has a bigoted old cunt sitting in the corner. The moment he pegs it, he's fondly remembered as "a real character" instead of the complete bastard that he really was.

Forget all the bollocks about speaking ill of the dead. If I act like a cunt in life I want to be remembered as a cunt in death.
(Thu 19th Feb 2009, 15:55, More)

» Heckles

Not mine, just what Man Utd fans sang to Lee Chapman
"He's French, he's flash , he's shagging Lesley Ash, Cantona Cantona"

Shortly afterwards Cantona was transferred from Leeds to Man Utd after allegedly having an affair with Chapman's missus, Leslie Ash.

Also the Van Persie chant when he was accused of rape:

To the tune of Craig David's Rewind (Bo Selecta)

Van Per-Sie
When the girl says no
Molest her
(Wed 12th Apr 2006, 15:46, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

I used to get my mate to film me at work
I'd do crazy shit like setting off fire extinguishers, throwing eggs about.. I even licked a raw chicken once.. no-one found out so it was all ok.
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 15:17, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

All food/drink made by Nestle
is fucking minging cos they're a bunch of baby killing pro-slavery evil mong fuckers *

*100% of Fact *2

*2 100% of Opinion
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 16:58, More)