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Alright? What's for dinner?
alt: what's your favourite brand of toilet paper?
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 16:37, Reply)
tbh i don't like to think about using "brands" on my arse

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 16:43, Reply)
not even russell?

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 16:51, Reply)
especially not russell.

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 17:22, Reply)
Bog roll and sliced bread are two areas where England excels over Spain
both questions
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 16:47, Reply)
Yeah. Spanish bread is shit. It's always stale.
That's why I always toast mine at the breakfast buffet.
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 16:52, Reply)
my brother got six months on the rock starting next week

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 16:54, Reply)
doing what?

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 16:55, Reply)
putorz

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:02, Reply)
Puters for gambling?

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:16, Reply)
Nah nhs

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:34, Reply)
Blimey.
Who knew Gibraltar had two trades.
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:36, Reply)
he's it with a heart, programs sans frontiers

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:38, Reply)
they have an nhs there?
Is it like ours where you have to wait in A&E for 12 hours?
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 19:01, Reply)
Nah, they are cash rich for nhs and stuff

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 19:25, Reply)
Windmill Hill?

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 17:35, Reply)
gibs

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:02, Reply)
Yeah, the prison there is Windmill Hill

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:06, Reply)
they have a priso? for the spanyards no doubt

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:36, Reply)
you shouldn't mix food and poo threads

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 17:06, Reply)
I was waiting for my dinner and just had a poo :/

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 17:11, Reply)
it's like crossing the streams,
which is mixing film and wee threads.
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 17:23, Reply)
Jacobs Bladder

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 17:41, Reply)
Piddler on the Roof

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:18, Reply)
Despicable Wee

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:18, Reply)
Urine the Army Now

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:19, Reply)
9 and a half Leaks

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:19, Reply)
Wet Carter

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:22, Reply)
Pee Willy

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:24, Reply)
Tinkle Tailor Soldier Spy

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:26, Reply)
Slash Gordon

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:28, Reply)
2001: A Piss Odyssey

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:57, Reply)
The Phantom Menpiss
Attack of the Stones
Revenge of the Piss
A Urinal Hope
The Empire Splashes Back
Can't think of one for Jedi.
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 20:25, Reply)
my six year old insisted she needed the loo at the park a minute ago
I provided cover. When I turned round I discovered she meant a shit. Like a bear's leg.
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:15, Reply)
hahaha
at least it wasn't a baby's arm
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:18, Reply)
roast chicken and andrex
stupid fucking fusion cooking
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 17:19, Reply)
pork roast
unfortunately sans stuffing since I forgot it
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 17:57, Reply)
that's wot I done for lunch.
*with* stuffing- sussed sssssssssss
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 18:25, Reply)
Lanny Poffo is a much better poet than Pam Ayres.

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 15:31, Reply)

I don’t know how you make that out
I think there is some room for doubt
it’s like comparing chalk and cheese
or when you poo with when you sneeze
Pam has a style that many treasure
her words are wont to give some pleasure
she often makes a rhyme of joking
and Mr Poffo dislikes smoking
he points this out in limericks
and uses clever rhyming tricks
to make the kiddies hate tobacco
does that beat Pam? I really don’t know
it’s difficult to say with art
who’s better, worse, who’s dim, who smart
maybe the way to think of it
is that they’re differently shit
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 16:15, Reply)
vladimir, ladies and gentlemen

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 16:23, Reply)
main event material right there
if only vince mcmanolith would give him the push he deserves...
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 16:30, Reply)
Was at the bar at my local Premier Inn last night
just talking about the footy with my mates, and there was this right weird cunt at the bar. Kept giving me weird stares while drooling into his bucks fizz and typing on his phone.

Probably a rapist, do you think I should inform the police?
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 10:38, Reply)
y

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 11:04, Reply)
morning dicky beef flaps

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 11:30, Reply)
yo Muppsy P in the place to be

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 11:57, Reply)
^bit racist that
/ac
(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 12:08, Reply)
alright you fat mess

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 17:26, Reply)
alright you wonky eyed prick

(, Sun 29 Mar 2015, 17:56, Reply)
stuck in the bar of a premier inn
a fat gonz lookalike cunt is telling everyone his expert opinion of the football match, whether they want to hear his profanity laden inanity or not.

gah
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 21:44, Reply)
drink more, hth

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 21:46, Reply)
on the case

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 21:47, Reply)
he's shut up now, as that bit of the bar has emptied for some reason

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 21:47, Reply)
if he even comes near stare the cunt downgoing to the bar

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 21:56, Reply)
Challenge him
to mortal combat. That'll liven things up.
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 21:53, Reply)
he's woefully out of shape, but so am i, nad he's abig lad

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 21:59, Reply)
is he talking about the wales game?
it was a good game 'cause wales went and won it
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 23:10, Reply)
good result that

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 23:49, Reply)
football's all fixed anyway
it's all closely choreographed and coordinated by the ref.
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 23:33, Reply)
so who else is on brb's ignore list?

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 10:24, Reply)
I have brb on ignore if that helps

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 10:31, Reply)
I can't even read anything you're saying

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:09, Reply)
alright moo

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:43, Reply)
Not me - I still receive the daily bin schedule updates.

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 10:58, Reply)
I don't have anyone on ignore, kind of defeats the point of the anonymous chat board if you can filter out some anonymous people from the others
or is this one of those "internet is serious biness" things?
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 11:14, Reply)
^ this
There are far too many sensitive weepys putting people on ignore
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:39, Reply)
you're that sidney cooke copyist, aren't you?

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:43, Reply)
You sound like you have a real interest in his topic please tell me more

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 13:09, Reply)

You sound like you I

his topic please tell me more noncing kids
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:35, Reply)
or its for lulz to make the ultra needy cry and stamp their feet

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:46, Reply)
^this^
is the only useful thing about it
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:52, Reply)
yeah i don't have anyone on ignore either
some people are shit and boring enough to justify it but it means you miss out on other people's posts too
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:49, Reply)
He's not shit and boring, he's a great heel
and you're such a fucking mark for spanishfly you didn't even know.
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:58, Reply)
oh hi mark

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 16:01, Reply)
i did naht hit her. i did naaaaht

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 16:21, Reply)
brother, this shit aint kayfabe

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 16:22, Reply)
it's not like anyone engages with it, Im happy to have that one on ignore as it makes it cry

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 17:36, Reply)
aye, he did it in this thread earlier on

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 18:53, Reply)
about right, he's too edgy for most forum users no doubt, that's why nobody wants to talk to him, he's having the last laugh

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 19:03, Reply)
I'll check, hang on.

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:09, Reply)
There's only one on there at the moment.
You are currently ignoring:
Dozy Dozy D
Tick all users you no longer want to ignore.
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:10, Reply)
What did he say to upset you

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:23, Reply)
dunno
does it upset you to know he might forget to put his bins out?
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:31, Reply)
'alright yer innit yer Will Self yer'?

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:33, Reply)
I'm only going on why I too have him on 3.4

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:33, Reply)
What's your fucking problem mate?
/ac
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:43, Reply)
Have A Listen To You Lot

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:44, Reply)
Farking Hell Mate
Get Some Help
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:51, Reply)
15 B3ta Users That You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:55, Reply)
what I have learned from this is that brb is a dangerous paedophile

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 16:16, Reply)
moderators hate them!

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 16:41, Reply)
moderators gonna moderate

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 17:22, Reply)
strikethrough warren g strikethrough regul

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 18:12, Reply)
i'll reg YOU late in a minute

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 18:56, Reply)
I doubt I'm on anybody's ignore list.

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 16:53, Reply)
you think wrong

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 16:58, Reply)
9

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 17:22, Reply)
haha!

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 17:42, Reply)
say what you want about brb

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 17:43, Reply)
I already do.

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 17:56, Reply)
Yeah, but those are nobodies
I'm not on anybody's ignore list
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 18:14, Reply)
how about me?

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 19:15, Reply)
what ABOUT you?

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 21:47, Reply)
I believe in you

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 8:07, Reply)
Cheers Kylie.
Anything good happen round here in the last week?
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 8:13, Reply)
i don't know
it seems unlikely
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 8:49, Reply)
but apparently mgt had a shit

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 8:51, Reply)
and mongychops made a face

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 8:52, Reply)
doubt I was even here

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 9:39, Reply)
I always miss the drama.

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 9:58, Reply)
That's a bit presumptuous, I haven't given you any evidence to support this unsubstantiated claim
Therefore, you're an idiot
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 8:59, Reply)
you could be a particularly sarcastic algorithm, but it's a risk I'm willing to take

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 9:16, Reply)
this is just what i needed to hear
:')
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 8:59, Reply)
Your faith keeps me strong,
and guarantees your rewards in the next life.
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 9:35, Reply)
Fuck of Zuowan
/ac
(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 14:21, Reply)
alright

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:01, Reply)
aaaaayyyyy!!!

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:11, Reply)
heyyyyyyy!

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:18, Reply)
sit on it

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:28, Reply)
bit rude, micturation boy

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:29, Reply)


.----.
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: , #####
`-..__.-' _.-\###/
`;_: `"'
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/, JOE ,\
// COOL! \\
`-._______.-'
___`. | .'___
(______|______)

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:31, Reply)
FP THIS NOW

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:33, Reply)
I stole it :(

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:36, Reply)
you can't, like, own art, man

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:41, Reply)
No,
but you can pwn it.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:45, Reply)
at a pwn shop?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:46, Reply)
tell that to the jews

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:48, Reply)
ha!

(, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 11:34, Reply)
clickin' dis

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 22:25, Reply)
So who's voting for who this General election?
Let's see who gets into power according to /talk
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 20:28, Reply)
spanishfly for prez

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 20:30, Reply)
Secret ballot, innit?
That way, no one has to know that I'm letting Tommy Robinson guide my voting hand.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 20:49, Reply)
monster munch for home secretery
manolith for prime minister
mgt minister for environment
doveston defence secretary
mongy department for welfare
mr horrible foreign affairs
spanishfly education
ss express transport
brb bins
2 hats espionage
tangledup in the health service
meatsnake farming
grrrr technology
mr t minister without portfolio
baying cyber mob for public relations
etc
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 20:56, Reply)
aw yeah, 10 downey street

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:24, Reply)
what's in your manifesto mano? the people need to know

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:27, Reply)
hey - i entirely forgot the treasury and no one noticed!
it's all about the stupid economy! who wants to play with the magic beans?
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:33, Reply)
no volunteers?
vlad it is then.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:59, Reply)
manofesto

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:33, Reply)
you know all that stuff you like?
that
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:34, Reply)
cool

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:36, Reply)
cheers

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:42, Reply)
brb will be responsible for texting every member of the public the night before their bins go out
he will a team of any 4 members of his family and they each have a nokia 3210
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:41, Reply)
can we also have him in charge of the complaints department too, then?
it would save time and resources
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:48, Reply)
Does that mean I get to do anything I want?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:46, Reply)
you have to get clearance from me
but it's cool 'coz i'm corrupt as fuck!
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:47, Reply)
you'll have to ask baying cyber mob

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:49, Reply)
Sod the EDL,
I will vote for this.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 22:46, Reply)
i'mma start a war with with some of those povvo countries
easy win, innit
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 23:15, Reply)
yo man you don't wanna word it quite like that
run that shit thru baying cyber mob first, yeah?
talk about the economy or something.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 23:19, Reply)
ironically voting bnp

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:02, Reply)
#fascismforlaughs

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:04, Reply)
if only islamic state were represented, that'd be the one to vote for #ultimatebantz #epiclad #russellbrandisafuckinggeniusandimhangingonhiseveryword

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:08, Reply)
Serious answer? Labour.
Purely because it's them or SNP in my constituency, and I fucking despise the SNP.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 21:06, Reply)
ack don't you know,
a vote for Labour is a vote for the Tories?

You have to vote SNP if you want Labour to win.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 23:45, Reply)
have any actual policies been mentioned yet in this election campaign?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 23:49, Reply)
up yours, dickface

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 19:31, Reply)
Sorry man it was an hour ago so thought no one was really interested

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 20:28, Reply)
bit harsh

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 20:29, Reply)
5/7 this week, better than my recent poor run of form
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-32064578
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 16:24, Reply)
4/7 for me
woo, i'm average!
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 16:33, Reply)
4/7

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 16:41, Reply)
4/7

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 16:43, Reply)
blayz it

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 16:43, Reply)
Im going to say 4 out of 7 as I don't want to stand out

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 16:43, Reply)
0/7
I didn't do the quiz, but I didn't want to feel left out.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 17:15, Reply)
7/7 I shit you not.
It helps if you listen to BBC WS, clearly.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 17:46, Reply)
most of my answers are educated guesses on these things,
i usually only actually know one or two of them.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 18:11, Reply)
never mind that, tell us about your stools.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 18:26, Reply)
is it true that german toilets have a little shelf for excreta examination?
japanese ones are s'posed to be quite fancy too, so i hear.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 18:30, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TP-ZzKbXJk
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 19:26, Reply)
gosh

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 20:09, Reply)
test results were normal

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 18:45, Reply)
hurrah!

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 19:35, Reply)
6/7
yasssss
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 17:50, Reply)
5/7

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 18:05, Reply)
9/7, not sure how that happened to be honest, I think they need to review their code for the quiz page.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 18:05, Reply)
law of averages innit. one of us is bound to get 7/7 eventually
see here: b3ta.com/talk/7810086
i got 3 by the way
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 18:27, Reply)
0/0
Only losers would do this quiz get some new material
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 19:01, Reply)
4/7

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 19:14, Reply)
#freethenipple

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:06, Reply)

¯\(º_o)/¯
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:09, Reply)
finally a social media campaign that I can really get behind

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:10, Reply)
#manolithsniffsbums

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:12, Reply)
#cheers

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:13, Reply)
oh
and i suppose you're too good to sniff bums, eh? you hoity-toity prick
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:21, Reply)
#upsetmanolith

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:22, Reply)
#hashtagabuse

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:42, Reply)


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(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:13, Reply)
hmmm

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:13, Reply)
No, it's more "Aaayyyy"

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:14, Reply)
no prizes for second place :(

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:15, Reply)
oh wait, I just remembered there's no prize for first place either

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:15, Reply)
We're all winners here, tangled

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:16, Reply)
even me?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:17, Reply)
especially you

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:18, Reply)
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:28, Reply)
why, the D in :D stands for 'doveston'

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:43, Reply)
that's the truth (yes, the truth)

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:18, Reply)
sit on it

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:22, Reply)
Oh Arnold

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:24, Reply)

oh hey
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:43, Reply)

hmmm ehhh
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:14, Reply)
you just jumped the ascii shark

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:21, Reply)
hey, I did some ace puns down there you know
#impeachmanolith
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:13, Reply)
yeah, i saw 'em
i was on my lunchbreak though
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:20, Reply)
Oh
I see
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:30, Reply)
Grand Theft Auto Erotic Asphyxiation

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:27, Reply)
completed it
got 100%
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:34, Reply)
Four Hangings and a Funeral

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:56, Reply)
What happened to your nipple?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:33, Reply)
he rubbed it too hard for the purposes of sexual interest

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:35, Reply)
it's been imprisoned

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:43, Reply)
for a crime of passion?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:50, Reply)
well, duh

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 15:54, Reply)
Was it cut off the impress the Khaleesi?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 16:38, Reply)
The popular page is a thing of wonder right now. I don't think it's ever contained such a rich assortment of bumhole- and poo-related posts.
After-poo-n, all.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:12, Reply)
this place has been particularly entertaining today
thanks to me, primarily.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:13, Reply)
UR JMG AICMFP.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:06, Reply)
guten arsebend

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:14, Reply)
buenos diarse

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:19, Reply)
Konichiwarse

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:20, Reply)
bumjour

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:24, Reply)
bumhola

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:27, Reply)
ARSEHOLES

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 13:14, Reply)
guten tagnuts

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:27, Reply)
this place would be dead on its arse if i stopped pooing

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:37, Reply)
g'daynus

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:40, Reply)
I find myself unable to share in this website's fascination with shit.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:53, Reply)
how would you rate this website on the bristol stool chart?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:58, Reply)
Does it have a ranking for "repugnant"?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 13:07, Reply)

repugnant moribund flebsite
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 13:16, Reply)

find myself unable to share in this website's fascination with shit love poo
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 13:02, Reply)

love poo was expecting this. Thanks for not letting me down, tangles.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 13:11, Reply)

t d
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:07, Reply)
Dhanks do you, doo, Mr. Dea.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:37, Reply)
Just imagine the feeling of a fat turd, freshly squeezed
glistening on the porcelain with all those lovely cracks on the surface like dried river mud. Look at the fat bulbous end like a rugby player's ear, and the other pinched off like a hand-rolled cigar. Admire the deep brown hue like a newly-painted Triumph Dolomite.

It calls to you. It yearns for you. You gaze at it, hypnotized, and your hand reaches out not for the lav handle to flush this fine log down into the nether regions of the town's plumbing, but to cradle it in the palm of your hand, feel its warmth so recently absorbed from your colon, melting back through your skin to heat your heart.

You reach in, bare wrist avoiding the chill rim of the toilet bowl, and pluck it from its nesting place. For a few brief moments you gaze at it like an expected twenty-pound note you got in your change instead of a fiver, and then SMOOSH, your fingers lock around it to pulverise the tender flesh in your mighty fist. Feel the fecal matter ooze between your knuckles, hear the gentle thrrp as it squidges through the wrinkles and folds of your skin, watch it twist and coil around the edge of your hand like a 99 ice cream. And as you gaze at that soft warmth, you simultaneously bend your head and lift your fist, and in one deft action lick the shit from between your knuckles like so much spilt kebab sauce.


Mmmm.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 13:08, Reply)
Disgusting.
I don't eat kebabs.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 13:13, Reply)
tbh
i'm not the biggest fan of poochatTM but i do love some hot pun action
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 13:34, Reply)
Scation Jackson.
No, that doesn't work.
Black Dynorod? Yeah, that's better.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:05, Reply)
Fart And Away.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:07, Reply)
diarrhoea want to hurt me?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:12, Reply)
stools to the left of me, jobbies to right, here i am, stuck in the middle with poo

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:16, Reply)
Wake Me Up Before You Go to the toilet.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:34, Reply)
Days of Thunderguts.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:10, Reply)
Robocrap.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:12, Reply)
Black Hawk Dunny.
None of these are particularly good, are they?
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:15, Reply)
you might even say they're shit puns

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:27, Reply)
Memoirs of an Incontinent Man.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:35, Reply)
ShittyPoo Fart, by the Small Faeces

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:42, Reply)
The anal fissure king

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:46, Reply)
Browneye's Wide Shut

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:50, Reply)
Cistern Act

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:53, Reply)
Cistern Act 2: Backside in the Habit

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:54, Reply)
Fellowship of the Ringpiece

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 14:58, Reply)
I've nearly completed my collection of Lego trains
What do you collect?
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:40, Reply)

literary classics, printed on toilet paper
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:43, Reply)
I have a few of those
but far too many corsets-in-dorset novels for my liking.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:44, Reply)
lol fanny hill lol

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:53, Reply)
... but it's our hill, and those are our fannies.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:55, Reply)
is this the fanny hill you want to die on?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:24, Reply)
The Englishman who walked up a hill and came down a fanny.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:47, Reply)
disgusting

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:07, Reply)
records
it will never be complete
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:46, Reply)
what, like bank statements?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:50, Reply)
yes

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:51, Reply)
"yes! Just won a 1997 Midland Bank statement with the original logo on ebay!"
MISB!
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:58, Reply)
Have you seen on eBay the people who sell ads that have been torn out of guitar magazines?
I wonder who buys these things. Maybe no one.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:00, Reply)

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/IBANEZ-GUITAR-PINUP-AD-vtg-80s-effect-pedal-Destroyer-/120376226843?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item1c06fb741b
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:01, Reply)
people are insane

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:58, Reply)
Quite

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:02, Reply)
I used to have upcoming album adverts on my wall as posters
I expect an uncreased full-page advert for OK Computer is worth at least a fiver these days.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:01, Reply)
Various cables and computer parts. Most of it is useless, but you never know. Bit the bullet and chucked out all the SCART cables, recently.
I got rid of all my Games Workshop figures, a few years back, so I live vicariously through my children and their Skylanders and Disney Infinity figures.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:47, Reply)
Bloke at work still does the Games Workshop thing
He says the fun is all in the painting; actually playing them in games is only a fraction of the entertainment.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:51, Reply)
he sounds like a barrel of laughs

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:53, Reply)
he sounds like a dickhead

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:53, Reply)
I bet he fucking stinks.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:54, Reply)
And owns a massive collection of black tshirts.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:55, Reply)
And has really terrible facial hair.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:55, Reply)
2/3 so far
(I've got loads of black t-shirts though)
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:56, Reply)
And rarely speaks to women.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:58, Reply)
Or has a partner who is an accountant.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:58, Reply)
marketing assistant
but close enough
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:59, Reply)
Stop wearing out that mirror!

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:13, Reply)
I started buying up second-hand RT and second edition 40k figures a few years back
At the time I'd intended to have another go at painting, but it seems you can make a few quid by buying up the shittest, blobbiest paint jobs you can find and then soaking them overnight to strip the paint off, before reselling as clean metal and plastic
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:55, Reply)
and I'm totally not hoarding them up in the hope of one day convincing my equally tragic 'mates' that we should start playing a children's game again
oh god
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:58, Reply)
I still have my Magic: The Gathering cards in a box somewhere :(

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:59, Reply)
I might still have a complete(with expansions) set of 'Space Hulk' in my parents' loft.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:01, Reply)
I genuinely regret getting rid of my Space Hulk kit. All the expansions, and the manuals were kept in ring-binders.
For some reason, I'd clipped the handles of the Terminator Marines, though.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:06, Reply)
when did this become a nerd forum?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:09, Reply)
The second you arrived
hayo!
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:10, Reply)
*high five*

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:10, Reply)
let's talk about things i like then
like video games, the welsh football team and user acceptance testing
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:12, Reply)
Acceptance is not something I associate with this forum.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:17, Reply)
I like video games
I don't know anything about the other two things, I'm afraid
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:36, Reply)
When you joined.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:10, Reply)
He sounds lonely.
You should play with him.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:02, Reply)
I don't know the first thing about these games
except that some kid at school gave me one of his gretchens(?) in 1994.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:03, Reply)
i know a couple of people who play warhammer
they're reasonably well adjusted and fragrant. fucking nerds, obviously but otherwise fine
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:00, Reply)
I collect love

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:47, Reply)
looks like someone gets upset and deletes gifs on qotw

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:48, Reply)
Is McChinaman taking his mod duties seriously?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:50, Reply)
I guess

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:50, Reply)
this is the greatest gif ever
www.reactiongifs.com/r/gmsfu.gif
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:53, Reply)
WELL SOMEONE SHOULD STAMP OUT THE CRIMINAL ELEMENT IN THIS PLACE
I'm just glad they've finally got a mod who's not afraid to spoil the fun that everyone's having. This site is for photoshopped images of men pulling silly faces, hulk hogan and forklift trucks. AND NOTHING MORE.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:59, Reply)
I nominate you as mod of mods

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:00, Reply)
Man, I'd sort this place out in a heartbeat
I'd rule with an iron fist, a platinum heart and a titanium bumhole
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:02, Reply)
Fucker deleted my Bea Arthur after it made the 'least worst' list :(

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:54, Reply)
ascii version...?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:56, Reply)
I'll always enjoy seeing Bea breaking a pegging session to book another client in
she has great work ethic
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:56, Reply)

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(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:01, Reply)
turns out ascii art isn't allowed on qotw under the new regime either

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:12, Reply)
Sofas
So far I have three
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:57, Reply)
ace

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:58, Reply)
You'd better grab another one quick
while the DFS sale is still on
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:00, Reply)
It'd be just my luck that I bought a sofa in the 15 minutes that they're not having a sale

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:03, Reply)
I collect STDs

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:04, Reply)
what have you got so far?
020? 029? 01792?
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:11, Reply)
I strongly endorse this well crafted gag

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:12, Reply)
I also enjoyed this joke.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:51, Reply)
And you've still only got one
And that was from your mum.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:11, Reply)
I used to collect kung fu videos
I also used to collect trainers

Now just records
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:14, Reply)
wanna trade? i'll give you tippa irie's hello darling for something better

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:17, Reply)
Based on the name, I was expecting some sort of Irish folk shanty like that boring Irish blogger Dr listened to
Thanks to youtube, I don't know if I'm disappointed or not.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:26, Reply)
i assumed you lived in constant cycle of disappointment

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:50, Reply)
that's what makes it so hard to distinguish

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:53, Reply)
picture disc of 'Shaddap You Face' by Joe Dolce?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:28, Reply)
no deal

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:49, Reply)
dust

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:16, Reply)
got any rare ones?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:19, Reply)
yes, and a few swapsies too

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:32, Reply)
what would you swap for meatsnake's meatflakes?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:48, Reply)
my brother collects Victorian midget postcards.
I wish I was joking
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:41, Reply)
postcards of victorian midgets?
or midget postcards the size of a matchbox that are 100+ years old?
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 10:46, Reply)
both

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:58, Reply)
there will always be new lego trains
you'll never be complete. never.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:11, Reply)
My collection is specifically the 9V era
I can't be arsed with this new powerfunctions shit. Fat toys for fat children.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:14, Reply)
yeah, you're so much better than them

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:27, Reply)
and everyone else.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:07, Reply)
old things are shit, that's why we have better new things now.

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:51, Reply)
Yeah, that's why we have better reusable ships to take us into space.
And passenger flights across the atlantic even faster than concord.
And milk delivery systems even more environmentally friendly than reuseable glass bottles delivered by a bloke on a fully electric van.

The present is shit, and always has been.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:23, Reply)
I have an extensive collection of 128 kbps mp3s

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:26, Reply)
which one is your favourite?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:31, Reply)
Oh I dunno, one of the good ones I can't find a better quality version of.
There are plenty of those.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 11:35, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftbCvjlS_pg ?
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:13, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyE-lM6KT6Y
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 12:30, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:19, Reply)
morning tangled
alright?
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:29, Reply)
you know what, toobo? I am as it goes
you?
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:41, Reply)
Cool
Yeah not bad. Got a proxy cold, but not bad in the humours
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:53, Reply)

That should be Poxy cold, but I think I prefer Proxy
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:54, Reply)
sounds almost noble, like you are suffering on another's behalf

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:57, Reply)
Yes, I am a bit like Jesus, aren't I

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:28, Reply)
he was about 38 when he died too

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:38, Reply)
Pious, hairy, and a threat to the establishment?
Able to heal the sick?
No, wait, I've got it: you're a bastard.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:53, Reply)
morning tangled
just so you know I am starting to feel a little better. But this could be short lived.

Hope you have a cracking day /talk
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:32, Reply)
I don't care

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:41, Reply)
yes you do otherwise you wouldn't have asked

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:49, Reply)
If you die, we might get commemorative icons.
#pray4spanishfly
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:42, Reply)
What would it be, though?
My vote would be for something like this.
probably a virus
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:47, Reply)

more like this

www.quotessays.com/images/needy-quotes-5.jpg
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:51, Reply)
Might be a bit tricky to fit in a 15 x 13 gif
but I'm sure someone will give it a go.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:27, Reply)

This Video is About to Get Banned & Deleted!
This Video is About to Be Banned!
Hurry Up Before This Video Gets Banned!
'Skinny Pill' Takes The UK by Storm
This Insane Video Can Be Banned Any Second!
It's About to Get Banned for Good!
This Video is About to Get Banned & Deleted!
Anyone can get this free money-making system
Rich People Wanna Ban This Video!
Learn the secret of easy $20,000 per day!
Billionaires Will Never Tell This to Anyone!
You can make $350,000 every month with this loophole
All Millionaires' Shocking Secrets are Finally Revealed!
You can make $600,000 every month due to...

Does anyone see a pattern here?
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:33, Reply)
alright tuib

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:38, Reply)
how you feeling, love?

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:40, Reply)
a bit better. i went home at lunchtime yesterday
that seems to have helped. you?
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:01, Reply)
Meh, alright I suppose
Mrs Hats got ID'd for booze last night. She was well chuffed.
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:20, Reply)
alright m

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:42, Reply)
alright bluechops

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:41, Reply)
ooh wee dozy dozy d d

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:43, Reply)
ugh

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:43, Reply)
ALROGHT MEATYPLOPS!!!

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:46, Reply)
Ugh

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:51, Reply)
oh what a beautiful morning oh what a beautiful day I've got a wonderful feeling everything's going my way

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:46, Reply)
Ugh

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:51, Reply)
sounds like a good night

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:53, Reply)
it was, not so much of a good morning though :(

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:00, Reply)
innit doe

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:48, Reply)
Ugh

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:51, Reply)
HIIIIIII

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:02, Reply)
ugh
hi
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:11, Reply)
maarnin

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:44, Reply)
emandem

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:47, Reply)
Good morning

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:46, Reply)
scouse
cheers
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:47, Reply)
shut up u prick

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:48, Reply)
good point

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 8:49, Reply)
ugh

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:01, Reply)
I'm sorry I don't have time for this

(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:00, Reply)
not while I'm paying your wages you don't
get back to work
(, Fri 27 Mar 2015, 9:10, Reply)
coo ee!

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 18:30, Reply)
Bit gay m8

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 18:37, Reply)
you say that like it's a bad thing

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 18:43, Reply)
7% gayness is fine, anything higher is an affront to Yahweh

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 18:45, Reply)
the tetragrammaton can suck my fucking balls

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 18:47, Reply)
He's not even in my top ten

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 18:50, Reply)
he doesn't (mini)figure in mine either

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 18:52, Reply)
I hear that after careful training it's possible to tip the box of a 10-piece set in there and a few minutes later the vehicle emerges ready assembled

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 18:59, Reply)
Just realised you're not talking about Lego, can't keep up with today's toys

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 19:10, Reply)
I remember when Lego was about making cool stuff from basic pieces rather than pissing about with shit 'action figures'.

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 19:29, Reply)
Reading this at the mo
www.amazon.co.uk/Brick-Rewrote-Innovation-Conquered-Industry/dp/1847941176
Buried deep among all the self-important management-speak bullshit (keywords: 'innovation culture') are a few gems about spectacular reinvention strategies thought up by fucking idiots
(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 19:55, Reply)
eat a bag of dicks

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 19:31, Reply)
orite sleepy D
What are the haps?
(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 19:44, Reply)
long weekend mate
Tomozza off. Exam next week though :'(
(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 19:47, Reply)
Long weekend next week for me
Still, only one more day of work, and the F1 this weekend so it isn't all bad
(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 19:52, Reply)
I'm only at work two days next week

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 19:53, Reply)
a paper round doesn't count as work

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 19:59, Reply)
Are you my boss?

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 20:01, Reply)
Oh sorry, I read 'next' as 'every'.

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 20:02, Reply)
oh baby, I can be if you want me to be

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 20:42, Reply)
smashing it up rude boy style with my home nucka MEATSniggedy
We've had a jolly nice tea
(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 21:07, Reply)
Forrest Dump

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 21:33, Reply)
totally just started on 'land', I'll get back to you in about 2 hours

(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 21:33, Reply)
I couldn't care less about "Camereron/Miliband Live"
But I'm sure the next cassetteboy video is gonna be great.
(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 22:04, Reply)
New thread really
But you should take notice.
(, Thu 26 Mar 2015, 22:46, Reply)

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