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Concita Wurst, y/n?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:15, Reply)
First the wurst, second the best, third the one with the hairy chest
Fourth, for some reason, the golden eagle
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:22, Reply)
5th the one who picks their bum and manolith's the one who eats it

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:33, Reply)
all true

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:42, Reply)
As true now as when 'twas written

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 18:09, Reply)

y/n? ym
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 18:09, Reply)
i'm sure she'd make a great mum, i don't see how that's insulting at all

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 18:16, Reply)
>:-O
I am never insulting
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 18:21, Reply)
gonna leave the office at 15:30 today
everything else i have left to do seems like a job for next week i reckon, what do you reckon is a job for next week?
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:05, Reply)
leaving jobs for next week is a job for next week

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:10, Reply)
good idea
i'll update my progress report accordingly
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:18, Reply)
ahh fuck it, i'll update it next week

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:18, Reply)
I have some pro forma invoices to pay and i reckon my supplier will view sending the goods as a job for next week so I'm going to do the same with giving them money

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:15, Reply)
send the money to me, i'll act as a middle man
i'll take a small percentage of the amount as a fee
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:19, Reply)
that seems fair, will it be done this week?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:21, Reply)
yeah sure, whatever

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:25, Reply)
replying in full t

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:20, Reply)
that's the spir

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:21, Reply)
dunno, soz

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:27, Reply)
fair enough

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:27, Reply)
I need a piss but I don't think I can put that off till next week

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:29, Reply)
if they don't sell me it for that price i will inform The Sun
bit pricey
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:36, Reply)
that seems uncharacteristically affordable

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:37, Reply)
it's one hell of a discount

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:37, Reply)
not with that attitude, you won't

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:36, Reply)
i had to go for it, i was nigh on bursting

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:37, Reply)
Something in Quito and something in Stockholm
I could do them now, but frankly I can't be arsed
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:51, Reply)
Update:
I chickened out and did the Stockholm thing. Soz
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:13, Reply)
And the Quito thing
Jesus, I'm shit at this
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:33, Reply)
you haven't let anyone down but yourself

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:45, Reply)
and maybe Robert Mugabe

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:46, Reply)
He's already registered his displeasure
Boy, will I get it when I get home!
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:47, Reply)
He's probably taken your home and given it away

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:49, Reply)
I'd love to see
The Mugabe Mysteries TV show. It would have Mugabe solving crimes but all the criminals would be white. I'll pitch it to the BBC. Wanna come in as a producer?
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:51, Reply)
*Associate* producer?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:52, Reply)
sure

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:52, Reply)
I'm in

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:54, Reply)
Idi Amin's Laughter Factory

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:52, Reply)
yes! that would replace Michael McIntyre's Roadshow

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:53, Reply)
Haile Selassie Investigates...

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:53, Reply)
The Marcus Garvey Music Hour

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:54, Reply)
Hahaha, that little brown rascal
He's always up to something!
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 16:51, Reply)
life

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:55, Reply)
I'm pretty sure people can manage without all these prescriptions, if they were that important they would have asked for them a week ago.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:56, Reply)
It's hardly my fault he's let his insulin run out now is it?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 17:07, Reply)
My mate billy had a ten foot willy and he showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake, so she hit it with a rake. Now it's only 3 foot 4!
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:39, Reply)
it's an urban myth m8

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:41, Reply)
No, my Uncle's mate was there when it happened

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:48, Reply)
he should be able to make a claim for personal injuries, I recommend Irwin Mitchell as they appear to be getting me a lorry load of cash for my finger

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:41, Reply)
Forget personal claims, I think he has a case for serious bodily harm
She's got to prove that she thought it was a snake. The fact that it was attached to a boy is a dead giveaway.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:47, Reply)
bit dodgy that, i mean did she ask to see his will or did he just expose himself to her

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:55, Reply)
Not sure
That's a matter for the police
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:57, Reply)
who are you blaming your finger on?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:24, Reply)
the company I was working for

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:26, Reply)
'who are you pointing the finger at?', surely

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:35, Reply)
bit insensitive

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:39, Reply)
well it was 2 can, he has no regard for human suffering
it's a requirement to be a doc
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:45, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:45, Reply)
see?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:47, Reply)
you are both terrible bullies :(

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:56, Reply)
that's awful I hope he had an up to date tetanus injection

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:43, Reply)
Oh, of course
He was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery. He's lucky to retain as much of it as he did.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:47, Reply)
Billy the Length

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:47, Reply)
That's what they used to call him

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:48, Reply)
Now he's known as 'Rake-won The Chef'

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:51, Reply)
Oh!
Is that true?
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:53, Reply)
totes

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 13:06, Reply)
Our son Pat was quite good with a bat and he ran up until he was dead
Fucked up his heart, it stopped and wouldn't start - blame the Sun-Pat allergy spread
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:48, Reply)
That's the saddest fucking story I've ever heard
No one should have to bury their child
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:50, Reply)
LIEK DIS IF U CRI EVERTIM

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:52, Reply)
washing machines live longer with calgon

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:53, Reply)
bullshit

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:54, Reply)
it's the viacal fizz that does the bizz

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:54, Reply)
Really? Maybe there's something in it then

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:55, Reply)
kelloggs honey nut loops - you'll be nuts about them, honey

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:56, Reply)
This is all news to me
Where are you hearing this??
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:58, Reply)
my brain

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:58, Reply)
Can I follow your brain on twitter?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:58, Reply)
my brains social media campaign is starting in autumn this year, see local press for details

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:59, Reply)
brains faggots, so tasty you'll wish you tried them years ago

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:59, Reply)
I liked them, then I went off them, then I liked them again, then I went off them again!
I tell you, you couldn't make it up!
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 13:00, Reply)
tweetin this

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 13:03, Reply)
maybe you were born with it...
...maybe it's maybelline
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 13:00, Reply)
"Maybe"
Fucking indecisive beauty products
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 13:01, Reply)
hands that do dishes can be soft as your face with mild green fairy liquid

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 13:01, Reply)
RIP
www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S6N_gQPYIM
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 13:07, Reply)
if we could harness the power of a bag for life we'd all be immortal, but big pharma don't want that so they won't research it

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:59, Reply)
to be honest, a 10 foot willy sounds a bit unmanageable
you'd spend a fortune on specially made pants etc. sounds like this girl next door, despite her terrible snake identifying skills, may have done him a favour
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 13:39, Reply)
that's right, attack the victim
typical
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:02, Reply)
just trying to find the positives in this awful situation, ACTUALLY

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:36, Reply)
Mano prefers small willies

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:08, Reply)
My mod manny has a ten foot fanny.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:30, Reply)
you jelly?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:37, Reply)
The way I heard it,
Uncle Billy lost his willy on the motorway.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 13:46, Reply)
yer, that was around christmas time though

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 13:52, Reply)
Year round vigilance against willy mishaps is what's needed.
Keep it safe, guys!
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:02, Reply)
Don't want it snipped? Then KEEP IT ZIPPED!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:09, Reply)
Zip up before you trip up

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:14, Reply)
For Heaven's Sake, Avoid The Rake!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:15, Reply)
Zip up fatty

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:23, Reply)
I'm just as God made me :(

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:26, Reply)
maybe if any of the political parties had promised that, we wouldn't be in this mess

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:47, Reply)
source?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:02, Reply)
My little girl.
The command of "One, two, three, four, get your knickers on the floor" is fairly common, also, so I'm assuming there's some sort of connection.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:06, Reply)
typical jew

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:24, Reply)
do you have to take a hippocratic oath or is that more of an american thing?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:28, Reply)
I might have done but I can't remember, I was probably drunk.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:29, Reply)
you took the hippopotamus oath instead, didn't you

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:33, Reply)
i promise to splash around in water and eat some grass and shit all over the place

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:37, Reply)
sounds about right

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:38, Reply)

stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/3230585/hippo-poop-fan-o.gif
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:38, Reply)
majestic

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:39, Reply)
Why is there no metric version of this information?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:39, Reply)
My mate billy had a 3.048 metre willy and he showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake, so she hit it with a rake. Now it's only 1.016 metres!
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:42, Reply)
catchy

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:46, Reply)
Yeah, not as pithy as the imperial version, is it

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:48, Reply)
my boss was complaining about the metric system the other day
he blames 'the fucking frogs'
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 14:54, Reply)
All I've ever known frogs to do is say "ribbit" and get obliterated by the lawnmower.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:08, Reply)
he sounds delightful
And by delightful I mean mentally ill.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 15:10, Reply)
Big ships are supposed to be coming in this weekend
That and the train strikes mean Liverpool's going to be a ballache to get into.

What are you not looking forward to this weekend?
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:12, Reply)
People moaning about train strikes.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:19, Reply)
They are the worst kind of people

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:21, Reply)
any more posts from you

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:20, Reply)
Who are you again?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:21, Reply)
Richard mcbeef.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:32, Reply)
Nice to meat you
Get it? Beef = meat? Honestly, I should sell this stuff.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:19, Reply)
farting

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:25, Reply)
Nothing, got a pretty stellar weekend lined up, thanks for asking.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:25, Reply)
the train strikes have been called off

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:41, Reply)
I heard they were putting on a special train strike just for Frisboy. Any train he wants to get is cancelled.
All the others are running fine.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:49, Reply)
I endorse this industrial action

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:59, Reply)
That works for me, because I'm driving in
If the strikes happened to all the train lines every fucker would drive in and we can't be having that
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:22, Reply)
I just heard your car is going on strike, too.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 13:31, Reply)
Well done Tangs
Haven't the Liverpudlians suffered enough??
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:54, Reply)
I wouldn't know, they tend to keep their grieving private

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:00, Reply)
Justice 4 de 96 m8
Yew'll neeeeeeeehveeeeeeeeh weeeeeeeelk aalooooooooooone!
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:21, Reply)
They are a dignified people

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 12:23, Reply)
3/7, bit disappointed with myself
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-32829225
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:17, Reply)
hey it's the taking part that counts

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:22, Reply)
4/7

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:27, Reply)
You could never disappoint me, Doves - I have such low expectations of you.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:35, Reply)
i refuse to take part due to the beebs treatment of the demi god Clarkson

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:36, Reply)
Did you watch that film last night called "Gaylords Say No"?

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:07, Reply)
Was that on?
I love that film gaylords
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:27, Reply)
No
Oh shit!
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:31, Reply)
yes, I did
it was a masterpiece of social commentary
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:29, Reply)
We might be thinking of different films
this was animated
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:31, Reply)
It's no The Living End.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:31, Reply)
Yes, it was very interesting I thought.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicago_Gaylords
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:50, Reply)
4/7 but mainly guesses tbh

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:25, Reply)
Haha, 1/7, what a dinlo.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:13, Reply)
5/7
Yesssssss
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 11:20, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 7:16, Reply)
And what a morning it is

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 7:24, Reply)
All the way up to midday.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 7:54, Reply)
and what a fine morning it is

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 7:32, Reply)
All the bins are out and the sky is grey.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 7:35, Reply)
heh

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:25, Reply)
morning colonel boris, morning everyone

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 7:44, Reply)
Morning meaty.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 7:46, Reply)
what a day to be alive

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 7:50, Reply)
Just for today, I pity the dead.

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 7:54, Reply)
hi!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 7:49, Reply)
Morning Beefy!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 7:53, Reply)
Bozzle

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 8:05, Reply)
They don't have two pennies to rub together, but then that's because they're poor!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 8:25, Reply)
He-seh h-he says he's afraid it is, sir

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 8:33, Reply)
Is this about the thing on the end of my.....

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 8:35, Reply)
Is there a line in that film that ISN'T funny?
I don't think there is
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 8:35, Reply)
^

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:07, Reply)
Good morning Comrade

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 8:16, Reply)
Now those capitalist dogs will pay for their crimes, eh comrades?
We won, Austin.
Yay, capitalism...
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 8:17, Reply)
*stirs starbucks mocha with an iPhone*

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 8:25, Reply)
moloning cornel

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 8:26, Reply)
innit

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 8:35, Reply)
hi

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 8:42, Reply)
Help!
Would someone please remind me of the alternative b3ta URL? Work has blocked teh b3ta!
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 6:07, Reply)
'teh'

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 6:32, Reply)
oh noes!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 6:45, Reply)
yeah,
It's eleventyone.eleventyone.eleventyone.eleventyone/shitfaceswap
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 6:51, Reply)

jelly.b3ta.com/
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 8:16, Reply)
Well guys I have just seen my baby boy brought into the world about 3 hours ago
Weighing 12lbs and 4 fucking oz!

Anyway have a good Friday.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 5:37, Reply)
Massive congrats, Daddy!
Start his martial arts training tomorrow.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 6:11, Reply)
Congratulations!

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 6:52, Reply)
Genuine congratulations, hope mother and baby are well.
Seriously though, now will you just fuck off?
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 6:58, Reply)
Congratulations, glad it went ok

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 7:50, Reply)
Congratulations, spaneff.
Try not to drop him.
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 9:34, Reply)
aaaand so it begins
b3ta.com/talk/7820186
(, Fri 22 May 2015, 10:05, Reply)
Random serious question
Can you legally camp in a front garden of a deceased relative (who's empty house is for sale and you are a named beneficiary of the estate) as long as no part of the property is damaged?

Something I have seriously thought about doing for a while and my mother has randomly threatened to do it recently.
With help from a neighbour to use their facilities, can this be done without legally sturing shit appart from maybe confusing some neighbours and potentially annoying a relative?
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 21:37, Reply)
I'm pretty sure if's legal as long as you bury a lock of their hair under where you're going to pitch your tent, in the light of a full moon.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 21:43, Reply)
Legal shinanigangs happening since my nan passed away
My uncle has gone mental since he became executor of the will and locked my mum out of her mums house and barely contacting her via a solicitor (he was a normal guy until my nan died). He's now taken my nan's ashes without consulting us and intending to hire a house clearence and sell the contents without consulting us what we'd like.

I'd like to visit where she lived again but without access to the house I'd proabably have to resort to camping or a B&B
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 21:52, Reply)
yes, but do you have a lock of her hair?
The next full moon is the 2nd of June.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 21:55, Reply)
I shall look into this

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 21:58, Reply)
I'm afraid not
You and your mum are going to have to live in a house like other non-gyppoes.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 21:48, Reply)
we do
Its just an idea. Planning to visit the area the house is but cannot enter the building so will have to camp nearby or stay somewhere nearby. It would be a bit of a protest to the ridiculousness of being locked out of a house you have every right to enter.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 21:54, Reply)
why do you have the right to enter your nan's house?

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 22:17, Reply)
If only INTERNETLAWYERMAN was still here :,(

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 22:17, Reply)
that's two mentions today of that scarf wearing cockhound, one more and he'll turn up, the prick

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 22:38, Reply)
no, it would be a breach of the peace if reported you fucking idiot, if not reported, go for it

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 22:15, Reply)
it's a rare moment to be present at the birth of a qotw anecdote
you should definitely go camp in the garden and let us know what happens
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 22:42, Reply)
You won't be breaking any criminal laws (unless you cause damage)
but you will be committing a civil offence of trespass.
Rock up, pitch the tent and let Mad Uncle Knobhead try and get you removed.
He will have to prove to the police that you do not have a right to occupy the land. If you are a named beneficiary of the estate, and you are not causing a disturbance, local plod will probably leave you to it.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 23:21, Reply)
In other news, alright Blobcat!

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 23:22, Reply)
alright milknosugar

(, Fri 22 May 2015, 0:33, Reply)
, I subscribed to every teen magazine in existence. CosmoGirl, Teen, Teen People, Seventeen, and YM
I loloed at the ym, show me saink funny, or that cat bear paw thing
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 21:16, Reply)
Sugar or GTFO

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 21:44, Reply)
I saw this video once where some kid bit another kids finger, it was well lol, don't suppose i will be able to find a link tho :(

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 22:39, Reply)
curry curry curry
it's a worry
in a king prawn's world
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 19:40, Reply)
Vindaloo - finally eating a vindaloo

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 19:43, Reply)
Dansak queen

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 19:43, Reply)
move over dahling

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 19:46, Reply)
gimme! gimme! gimme! a naan after midnight

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 22:45, Reply)
Tandoori Liver
your money or your life
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 23:32, Reply)
if your having curry problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a curry ain't one

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 19:54, Reply)
Korma korma korma korma korma chameleon.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 20:15, Reply)
i just had a korma in fact,
it had glace cherries in it, is that normal?
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 20:28, Reply)
fuck off did it

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 20:32, Reply)
i was as surprised as you are

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 20:35, Reply)
I'd go round there and open them up like a church fete, cut em bad

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 20:45, Reply)
Raw rabbit testes.
Sorry to break it to you.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 20:32, Reply)
phew

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 20:35, Reply)
No harm, no phaal.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 20:43, Reply)
at least it wasn't tarka's
they're a bit otter
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 20:44, Reply)
silly mgt that wasn't a korma it was a CAKE

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 22:43, Reply)
alright?

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 17:16, Reply)
sound thanks
yourself?
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 17:18, Reply)
Im gonna dance, Im gonna party, put your hands upon my body

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 17:21, Reply)
Jet Li's vet fee

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 17:36, Reply)
Karl Urban ensnarls turbans

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 17:42, Reply)
Gene Hackman weans Batman, plays Pacman with Hugh Jackman

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 17:48, Reply)
No, no, no, that was Bruce Wayne

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 17:54, Reply)
Bruce Wayne: Goose Drain

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 18:15, Reply)
Derren Brown : Heron Crown

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 17:50, Reply)
Paul McKenna: Ball Fuck Tremor

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 17:59, Reply)
Benedict Cumberbatch loves a nut scratch

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 17:57, Reply)
No.
You?
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 18:13, Reply)
Danny Glover: Granny Shover

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 12:21, Reply)
I hope you have evidence to support this claim

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 12:24, Reply)
Sylvester Stallone: Loves a bone

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 12:33, Reply)
Al Pacino: hates Latino

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 12:39, Reply)
Dolph Lungdren: Sex Dungeon

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 12:54, Reply)
Henry Fonda rode a Honda

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 12:56, Reply)
james van der beek
blames random geek
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:00, Reply)
Minnie Driver: Mini driver.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:11, Reply)
(The game is over now. I have won it.)

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:12, Reply)
make a photoshop of it, add to your front pages

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:13, Reply)
MR. TEA, KING OF B3TA.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:14, Reply)
Mr Tea: drinks cold wee

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:20, Reply)
Dr. Shambolic: hocked a ham bollock.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 14:10, Reply)
Danny Dyer: Fanny Buyer

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:32, Reply)
Mel Gibson: Henrik Ibsen
Not sure I understand this game.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:37, Reply)
Samuel Beckett:

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:51, Reply)


(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:51, Reply)
...

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:59, Reply)

lol
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:59, Reply)
Isla St Clair: muff like mohair

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:38, Reply)
Richard Pryor: town crier

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:39, Reply)
Simon Day: massive bender

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:43, Reply)
Tom Cruise: Vom Poos

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:43, Reply)
Alan Shearer: Talon Spearer

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:47, Reply)
Julie Andrews: poo wee gland juice

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:47, Reply)
I should totes be in charge of QOTW
This is already a better thread
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:59, Reply)
will you rename it as Question For The Weak?

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 14:04, Reply)
/Quite Obviously They're Wankers

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 14:07, Reply)
not like here

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 14:08, Reply)
Two Hats Presents: The Cavalcade of Whimsy

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 15:20, Reply)

Whimsy Hilarious GIF Animations
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 15:31, Reply)
Two Hats: Poo Scats

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:56, Reply)
Robert DeNiro: did a queer-o

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:59, Reply)
Barack Obama
will shack up with yo' mama.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 14:15, Reply)
Sebastian Winnett:
scarf-wearing cockhound.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 14:16, Reply)
Winrar

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 14:22, Reply)
Bruce Willis: has syphilis

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 15:09, Reply)
No baby, yet, then?

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 15:32, Reply)
Waters just broke an hour ago.
Waiting it out at home right now, she had a sweep at the hospital before and we were sent home. Next 24 hours or so should be interesting
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 15:59, Reply)
best of luck

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:07, Reply)
Cheers

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:13, Reply)
good luck

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:12, Reply)
Aw shucks...cheers

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:25, Reply)
I can't really emphasise what I am about to say enough
in a matter of hours you are going to start experiencing a powerful delusion. it will seem so terribly real; but try to remember my words when it begins. nobody is interested in your baby. not in the way you will be interested in it.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 18:57, Reply)
Benedict Cumberbatch
Left in the cabbage patch
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:05, Reply)
I don't understand why he's become such a sex symbol
If ugly is the new handsome, then I should be swimming in fanny by now.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:13, Reply)
I don't really get it either, it's like the Dad Bod phenomenon. Not cool

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 17:37, Reply)
Hexachordal: Sex-a
-ffender.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:17, Reply)
Oof!

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:17, Reply)
Raquel Welch: Cattle Felch

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:26, Reply)
Tom Jones: Trombones

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:27, Reply)
I know a Tom Bone.
His facebook profile image is a trombone.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:31, Reply)
Are you sure you don't know a trombone?

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:43, Reply)
Jean Reno: Pedalo

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 16:27, Reply)
Darren Day: Baron Gay

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 17:12, Reply)
mr horriblening

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 7:35, Reply)
alright shambles, sorry to hear about your permaban

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 7:38, Reply)
He did himself no favours by being a cunt

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 7:49, Reply)
oh shit

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 7:54, Reply)
he always ruins everything

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 7:58, Reply)
to be fair, I don't think he can take the blame for the current state of /board.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 7:59, Reply)
I've not clicked that paedohole for months
I'm assuming it's not improved
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 8:00, Reply)
It really hasn't improved.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 8:15, Reply)
froglift is him too

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 8:00, Reply)
I take back everything I just said.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 8:06, Reply)
Sounds a bit Jekyll and Hyde.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 8:14, Reply)
sometimes I wish he was dead, I know that's not very Christian but I get v upset

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 8:36, Reply)
^ v upset ^

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 13:30, Reply)
Oh, in that case 'fucklift' is the funniest thing ever and a masterwork of 'trolling'.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:27, Reply)
He can and he will

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 8:01, Reply)
I'm terribly upset about it.
I just wish I could post on here to express my feelings.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 7:57, Reply)
What did you get done for this time?

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 8:12, Reply)
dunno
emvee is insisting that I've been banned so we're clearly not having this conversation
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:03, Reply)
none of you come out of this looking particularly good, not even a single lol, what's the point in loads of you picking on one bloke, why didn't a few of you switch it up and white knight for him

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:12, Reply)
Windy did a half-hearted WK yesterday but it fell a bit flat
only 6 replies
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:55, Reply)
Would I be right in thinking that neither of you is upset, and neither of you is banned,
or have you managed to get banned under different accounts on each board?
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:13, Reply)
I wish I knew all about what's happened here it sounds exciting

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 11:25, Reply)
Dr shambolicning

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 7:48, Reply)
Morning, Shambles.
It looks to be a lovely day today.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 8:11, Reply)
it does indeed
I've got a lazy lunch meeting at half ten then I'm going to hit the Beer Festival at five
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:02, Reply)
Delightful.
I'm going to make some new compounds.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:19, Reply)
yeah baby

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 8:20, Reply)
dr shamorning

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 8:34, Reply)
it feels like ages since we had a straightforward 'morning' thread

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:10, Reply)
i don't remember the last time anyone inquired if we were 'alright'

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:16, Reply)
what's happening to this place, m?
is it 'creeping /qotw'?
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:18, Reply)
i think it is, i logged out and took a look over there, seems many /talkers now post there and have become corrupted by the bullies and token fat chick

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:20, Reply)
This place is going to the dogs.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:22, Reply)
ooh i like going to the dogs, even tho i fucking hate dogs, what dogs are we going to?, i can make crayford easy

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:23, Reply)
Gambling is a sin, mongy.
I suggest that you REPENT, before the devil claims you.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:29, Reply)
i bet you a tenner he don't

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:30, Reply)
I have ordered a Dell XPS 13. Will I regret it?

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:17, Reply)
well it has no ethernet port so you wont be porting any ether on it,

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:19, Reply)
Nobody uses ethernet ports any more grandad.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:23, Reply)
i'm pretty sure they do

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:26, Reply)
Yeah but they're all just old people and fucking London hipsters who like them for their retro appeal.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:35, Reply)
i hard wire my stuff because i don't trust wifi when i'm pwning noobs in cod

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:37, Reply)
Sea fishing, eh?
Nice to see you venturing beyond the lake.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:42, Reply)
pwning noobs in cod could be a gonz recipe

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:43, Reply)
Eww.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:45, Reply)
prwning

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:50, Reply)
pffft

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 11:25, Reply)
the poor man's macbook air

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:20, Reply)
Cost more than a macbook air. Screen is better, apple don't make a touchscreen for interacting with boobies etc.
Also MacOS is for dribbling retards.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:25, Reply)
I was in a meeting with GPs, yesterday, and it was a sea of iPhones, iPads, and Macbooks.
Somehow, I resisted the urge to boast about how my Android phone wasn't trapped in a restrictive ecosystem, or wave about my laptop's mouse to boast about it having more than one button.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:28, Reply)
I was in a meeting with GPs on Tuesday and a load of them had Macbook Airs running windows so I wasn't sure what to think.
My mouse has 20 buttons and I love them all dearly.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:33, Reply)
Are you quietly playing WoW whilst patients tell you their ills?

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:37, Reply)
as long as he's not posting here we should all be grateful

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:38, Reply)
No but I have a different button for each antibiotic so I can prescribe them at an incredible rate.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:39, Reply)
^ Out Of Hours

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:43, Reply)
Personally, I make a habit of sneering at anyone not running an obscure variant of Ubuntix.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:34, Reply)
I'm posting here from the command line.
Anything more than a flashing cursor is a needless indulgence.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:38, Reply)
Fuck that, yo
I'm swapping vacuum tubes around instead of typing
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:51, Reply)
Bloody hipsters.
I load my OS from wax cylinders.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:59, Reply)
Ooh, get you with your wax cylinders?
I type by moving beads on an abacus.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 10:20, Reply)
Everything I've ever posted has been engraved into a stone tablet and dropped through a time hole.
I don't know where they go, but it's far enough back in history to ensure that anything I write is coded into the very internet itself.

If nothing else, this at least explains all the typos.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 11:02, Reply)

time bum
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 11:14, Reply)
haha
sometimes the simplest jokes are the best
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 11:17, Reply)
It's quite possible my finest hour.

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 11:19, Reply)
I lold at all of the above, well done

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 11:29, Reply)
why would you need to touch the screen of a laptop if you have a keyboard and touchpad?

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:40, Reply)
Windowlicker?

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:44, Reply)
Depends what you're planning on doing with it
If you're using it to prepare food, for instance, you'll be sorely disappointed.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:47, Reply)
Sham

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:47, Reply)
gif me like you've never gif'd a man before

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 10:52, Reply)
You don't have to be rich to be my girl
You don't have to be cool to rule my world
Ain't no particular kindI'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your.......

GIF
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 10:57, Reply)
*throws knickers*

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 11:04, Reply)
think I'm gonna dance

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 11:11, Reply)
Good Morning /talk
still waiting on the arrival of my little bundle of joy.

1 week over due date now. Any advice?
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 7:04, Reply)
certain foods can induce labour
Give your missus a hot curry, and you yourself can eat a dick sandwich.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:00, Reply)
The usual recommendations are a hot curry, a long walk, and a vigorous shag.
Don't know what the curry is supposed to do, the long walk is probably invoking gravity, and the sex is because the prostaglandin in semen is good for her cervix.
Failing that, a c-section will get the job done.
(, Thu 21 May 2015, 9:25, Reply)
use alcohol to remove biro ink from clothing and prioritise paying off any high-cost debts over saving

(, Thu 21 May 2015, 11:24, Reply)

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