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Oh, goody - my mum has whipped out the baby pictures.
I wouldn't mind, but I've seen them all before. I've got my cock out in an alarming number of them.
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 18:48, Reply)

in an alarming number of then.
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 18:53, Reply)
She was proud and excited by your future once, let her reminisce

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 19:00, Reply)
I blame her for everything that's ever gone wrong in my life.
Her, the Tories, and my own lack of ambition.
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 19:08, Reply)
there's nothing wrong with a lack of ambition

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 19:38, Reply)
^ enabler ^

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 20:11, Reply)
i'm always happy to help

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 20:34, Reply)
recreate the pictures for her now
the ones with your cock obvs
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 19:23, Reply)
Wonder if a paedo could get aroused over photos of himself

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 21:01, Reply)
if he went back in time and had sex with his younger self,
would that just be wanking? time travel raises such ethical issues...
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 21:08, Reply)
Jeremy Kyle DNA revelation would be interesting

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 21:29, Reply)
This actually happens in The Time Traveller's Wife.

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 22:02, Reply)
I'm in mcbeefs toilet.

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 21:43, Reply)
blockin' ur drains

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 21:49, Reply)
clicked for vintage meme lulz

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 22:33, Reply)
I would just like to say that I love you all very much

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 22:09, Reply)
Don't do it man
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 22:15, Reply)
it's too late, you can't talk me out of it, I am going to have that extra drink

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 22:17, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 22:24, Reply)
the thing is I know you are taking the piss but I don't know how specifically :(

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 22:38, Reply)
I hope you get aids

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 22:37, Reply)
Stuck on the bus behind a fucking 'stop the Nazis' march
It's highly annoying, but I've just realised that I am wearing this:

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 12:33, Reply)
Are there many nazis in London?

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 12:40, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 13:29, Reply)
Well at least one, lol.

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 13:49, Reply)

No 9
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 13:55, Reply)
well you can't be too careful these days

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 15:59, Reply)
Had a couple of joints and a kip.
I don't think I'm going to wear the pwei T-shirt my dying mate Bob snuck off to get me at that pwei gig we were at any more. Think I'm gonna keep it for sentimentality, nah mean?
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 13:09, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 13:37, Reply)
i've just arrived at my mother's house
wearing black boots, black leggings and a black jacket. the kids have just said "why are you dressed like Gru?"
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 14:10, Reply)
Forgot your wig, too

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 14:13, Reply)
the only wig i've got is a black one
for halloween
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 14:44, Reply)
GRUE chat doesn't work here smash. It's basically everyone's skee-lo

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 14:25, Reply)
that makes about as much sense as an owl in a strip club

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 14:45, Reply)
i think you've misunderstood what 'hooters' is

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 15:34, Reply)
it would certainly explain why they don't sell trill

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 15:37, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 15:52, Reply)
yet again i have no idea what any of these things are

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 16:00, Reply)
nor do i half the time

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 16:01, Reply)
I'm quite surprised you've not played Zork.

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 16:06, Reply)
oh THAT grue,
i know about that, i'm surprised kids would though
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 16:08, Reply)
They're not

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 16:22, Reply)
no, not that Gru
google Gru Despicable Me
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 16:27, Reply)
now there's a sentence you can take to the bank

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 16:36, Reply)
Oh, minion shit.

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 16:44, Reply)
they're only 8, it's forgivable

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 16:45, Reply)
yeah i know a full-grown woman who bangs on about them

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 16:47, Reply)
think i've convinced them that they want to watch indiana jones instead

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 16:59, Reply)
yeah yeah
good Nazi punching films, those
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 17:13, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 7:17, Reply)
I'm quite obviously coked out my gourd in a 7am opening pub.
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 7:35, Reply)
Only went in for a shut. This pint is a struggle.

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 7:43, Reply)
Go to bed, young master Barrington

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 9:13, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 9:42, Reply)
Under Mi Duvet

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 11:31, Reply)
haha, me too.
By which I mean I am seeing patients in a busy sat am surgery
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 9:03, Reply)
Winners don't use drugs.
It must be true, an arcade machine told me in the 80s.
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 10:13, Reply)
i guess coke is an acceptable morning beverage
not too much though or you'll upset your tummy with all the bubbles
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 11:04, Reply)
thanks, mum

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 11:41, Reply)
and must you wear so much make-up?

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 11:57, Reply)
I only bleach my butthole

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 12:13, Reply)

l r
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 14:28, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 7:54, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 8:01, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 9:13, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 9:44, Reply)
Good morning.
I've just had a massive burrito for breakfast, and now I'm freezing my bits off whilst the kids learn to dribble.
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 9:50, Reply)
keep shouting at them
"Wing it, wing it, WING IT!"
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 10:42, Reply)
"Man on! Man on!"
I never did work out what that meant.
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 11:36, Reply)
opponent on your tail
a bit like saying "Check your six, knucklehead."
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 11:41, Reply)
You are being closed down by an opposing player

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 11:41, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 11:58, Reply)
why is it so bright outside?
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 10:12, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 10:42, Reply)

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 10:49, Reply)
I have got the shits
Can you help?
(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 12:01, Reply)
Do you have access to a toilet and toilet roll?

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 12:14, Reply)
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 22:45, Reply)
ahh yes the little fellow, if you get lonely in the night, I'm up in the big chateau
there's no pressure
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 22:51, Reply)
alright Oberleutnant von Genschler

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 22:53, Reply)
Missed the one about the rugby player's food.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 23:26, Reply)
Fake News

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 1:10, Reply)
hello. how are you?

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 1:33, Reply)
I'm currently at story number 53 of the famous 1001 nights (Richard Burton; transl.)
so it's only 948 stories or a couple of thousand pages to go.

lovely to read (i.e. wonderful words like "yclept"), lots of sex (and then he went in to her, taking maidenheads etc.), and much wine-drinking and eating of sweetmeats and caressing and carousing, weeping with exceeding weeping and of course smiting in twain, apart from other fantastic outlandishnesses.

what terrible project are you up to that will probably take the rest of the year if not until the year 2525?

edit: I've just been invited to some guffs, so I won't reply, might as well start a new thread, cheers!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 17:34, Reply)
i'm making a synthwave tune
although it's on hold until my faceholes stop being full of glue
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 17:41, Reply)
will you share it on /links?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 17:42, Reply)
never toss pearls before swine

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 17:42, Reply)
Yeah, it didn't do our former prime minister any good did it?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:09, Reply)
I took some Danish pastries to the forest but the smell of them attracted bears
my fault for casting swirls before pine.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:13, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:14, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:15, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 22:22, Reply)

Similarly, trying to figure out free drum machine/sequencing software. At this rate it will be 2525 before I get anywhere with it..
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 19:04, Reply)
been using Renoise,
it's quite good
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 19:17, Reply)
That's an old-style tracker isn't it?
I had a play and reasoned I had no idea what I was doing, got bored and gave up.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 19:21, Reply)
it's a new-style old-style tracker,
if that makes any sense. With my Amiga Protracker experience i could pretty much just drop straight into it, but it does so much crazy shizzle on top of that. The sounds it can put out are immense.

It's a very simple concept, just a piano roll really.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 19:23, Reply)
Yeah I was thinking of amiga/St style trackers.
I'm useless at this sort of thing, but wondered if I'd mixed it up with that thing that emulates old hardware (Roland 808/303)and pedals and plug them together.

It wasn't that the software was unfamothable, I just couldn't think of anything to do with it.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 19:29, Reply)
that's Reason iirc

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 19:30, Reply)

I'll give that a whack, cheers!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 20:01, Reply)
Trying to get served in the pub

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 17:44, Reply)
pricks, they should serve you first

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 17:48, Reply)
I'm rebuilding my lenco turntable. I got so far as building the plinth and spraying it in primer but didn't pick it up again last year.
On top of that I need to take the top plate apart, repaint it, service the motor and bearings and fit a better tonearm.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 17:46, Reply)
good boy
I'm out, hope to get as wasted as you plan on doing
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 17:49, Reply)
I'm going to a mates belated housewarming. It's gonna get messy I reckon.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:08, Reply)
On the toilet, no end in sight

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 17:51, Reply)
that's what i say when anyone asks me where i see myself in 5 years

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:00, Reply)
I'm always tempted to say 'I always assumed I'd have left here by now'.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:15, Reply)
i've not actually been asked since i thought of the above answer,
hope i never have to go through a job interview again, certainly not that sort anyway
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:19, Reply)
The one for this was pretty laid back, just to fairly friendly guys asking me questions.
But I did one of those day interviews for a grad placement at IBM, psychometric tests, a couple of group scenarios etc, it was awful. I think out of about 20 of us only two got through to the next round.

Thinking about how it was there, I'm not exactly gutted I didn't get it.

It's all very offputting.

I've just remembered a bloke at my dad's work, with a reputation for being a massive shirker answered that question with 'retired in my gte with any luck'.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:24, Reply)
yeah i had one like that for the Civil Service,
on top of that everybody else there made me feel like a fucking midget
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:27, Reply)
all the people I know that went through a grad scheme
don't work for the company anymore.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:47, Reply)
Yeah they're shite.
Generally any company big enough to do that sort of thing is awful to work for unless you drink the kool aid.

Good as a springboard though.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 19:01, Reply)
i don't know anybody who got on one,
at least nobody i'm still in contact with
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 19:25, Reply)
The only people I know of who are still here did PhD's and I think work at the uni either as employed devs or researchers/academics.
I didn't really bother to stay in touch with many grads though, most of my uni mates weren't cs students.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 19:36, Reply)
several blankets
including dangermouse, a splatoon squid(whatever the fuck that is)and possibly a lego based one
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:10, Reply)
i don't understand any of this

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:25, Reply)
i'm making pixellated blankets
i'm currently doing one with the dangermouse logo on it, then i will be knitting some form of squid, followed by a third blanket with a pixel-lego design on it
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:30, Reply)
Splatoon is great.
I'll be quite sad when Nintendo inevitably kill off the servers.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:58, Reply)
Raising my children to become productive, well adjusted members of society.
lol, "members"
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 18:59, Reply)

lol 'society'
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 19:06, Reply)
I'd send them to boxing as well, otherwise there's a danger they might turn out like you.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 19:07, Reply)
*threatens violence, online*
An internet hardman is the best sort of hardman.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 20:08, Reply)
,^ gay

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 20:28, Reply)
+fake &

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 22:03, Reply)

duc s
ve, well adj tu
d member
of society

And no, it's not worth bothering
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 21:13, Reply)
You're right, it wasn't.
Still, "A" for effort.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 22:06, Reply)
Anyone who isn't at school and who refers to a "project" is an insufferable cunt.

(, Sat 25 Feb 2017, 0:01, Reply)
Yeah enough of that.
Discovered anything new lately?
Do you have anything upcoming that's particularly exciting?

Regale the group with tales of your wonderful life.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:22, Reply)
I'll probably do a poo when I get home

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:25, Reply)
no soilers pls

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:26, Reply)
I need to do a poo now
but I'm expecting a call so am apprehensive about leaving my desk.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:27, Reply)
what's the range on your headset?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:36, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:38, Reply)
only God can judge me

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:39, Reply)
That was a most satisfactory movement
calls be damned.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:23, Reply)
I am planning on replaceing our car stereo with a new DAB receiver
not as easy as it sounds as the current setup is one of those built-in jobbies and I'm not sure if the built-in aerial will work with a splitter/amplifer to give a DAB signal. Also, opening up the door planels to replace the crappy speakers could be interesting... Still, I like a challenge!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:26, Reply)
You don't get analogue or digital aerials, just decoders m8

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:32, Reply)
Ariel's work best at a half or quarter-wave of the frequency they're trying to receive.
Although the frequency dab uses is practically a harmonic of band II fm so it'll probably work reasonably well.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:51, Reply)
Trying to work out what he needs a splitter for.
edit: And aren't DAB signals higher frequency than FM, anyway?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:57, Reply)
Dab's 200ish mhz and band 2 fm is about 100ish.
So one should do the other. The problem is modern cars, in order to not have giant ~70cm ariels do weird things with amplifiers and band pass filters to make them smaller.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:02, Reply)
BBC's on 225, after a quick google
so optimal would be a half a metre or thereabouts. You're never getting optimal signal in a car anyway, but aren't modern car aerials all massive things wrapped around windscreen or roof linings nowadays?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:04, Reply)
you two have managed to make car chat too dull even for me

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:11, Reply)
Radio reception chat is a niche subject, even for car bores.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:12, Reply)
On glass vs mag-mount?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:20, Reply)
Not being a CB guy, I wouldn't be able to give you an opinion.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:24, Reply)
Thank you all for your responses
I printed this page out and wiped my bum with your opinions.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:25, Reply)
lol jobbies

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:39, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:27, Reply)

.'``'. ... WooOOOooooOOOOoooOOOOOooooOOOO
:o o `....'` ;
`. O :'
`': `.
`:. `.
: `. `.
`..'`... `.
`... `.
``... `.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:31, Reply)
its the ghost of a hundred monitor bugs :( rip

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:33, Reply)
too soon

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 16:46, Reply)
i've just discovered i'm babysitting tonight
got my cousin's wedding and my nephew's 21st coming up
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:41, Reply)
Whatever happened to Dani Behr?
a great sequel to whatever happened to the likely lads
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:51, Reply)
Didn't she go over to break America

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:54, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:55, Reply)
"... life as an LA luxury real estate specialist, letting out and managing property for the Hollywood elite."

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:56, Reply)
call girl

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:00, Reply)
She's well on the way to being the next Dontatella Versace
by the look of 'er. Not sure that amount of sunburn and facial engineering augers well for someone in their early 40s.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:38, Reply)

I hear Nobby the Sheep broke his restraining order and she moved for safety reasons.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 19:09, Reply)
Time has not been kind.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:56, Reply)
i am not very well :(

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:04, Reply)
There, put this on
*passes tin foil hat*

that'll make it better
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:35, Reply)
my workshop's finished
And my other projects went into full meltdown because I wasn't there to hold their hands because I was too busy eating free doughnuts.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:09, Reply)
I've discovered how far a man can get an arm up a horses bum, and how much blood can come out of a horse, and how heavy a horses head is and oh God I need a shower.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:25, Reply)
Is lady pigs horse poorly then?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:26, Reply)
it is now

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:28, Reply)
She's on the mend.
Poor chap from Wales has had to put his hand up her bum 4 times today. I'm supposed to be in London on day 1 of a 3 day smash.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:30, Reply)
You should add a subsequent day on the other end.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 16:12, Reply)
Spasmodic colic, brought on by a load of things.
Seems the yard we've moved from wasn't looking after her well at all, she was wormed at the new yard and it turns out she was riddled with worms and wasn't getting her supplements properly. That combined with the storm and she's managed to get an impacted bowel.
I was tasked with holding her head up while they put a tube down, and they caught a blood vessel with the tube and it was like that bit in the shining with the lift. I feel quite sick.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:30, Reply)
Spasmodic Colic
great name for a DJ
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:36, Reply)
Wasn't it a Krankie's TV show?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:38, Reply)
lol old

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 16:12, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 16:43, Reply)
Trade it in for a quad bike.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:39, Reply)
This sounds like solid advice.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:40, Reply)
I'll put the suggestion forward.
Can quad bikes do dressage?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:43, Reply)
Don't see why not.
Most 4 wheeled vehicles can be reverse parked.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:46, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 16:06, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 16:10, Reply)
I've been brewing a series of particularly ripe guffs.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 15:29, Reply)
I cooked a lentil and chick pea dal last night that has led to a highly musical day

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 16:13, Reply)
that actually sounds nice

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 16:50, Reply)

(I did check, it's definitely this week's quiz this time...)
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:28, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:31, Reply)
"There's a starman waiting in the sky" Your score: 5/7

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:33, Reply)
5 to be alive

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:35, Reply)
The question about what the goalie was eating is wrong, though.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:36, Reply)
I'm amazed how many journalists can't recognise a pasty.
God knows what else they're misreporting, really makes you think...
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:42, Reply)
In all fairness, a pasty a species of pie.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:44, Reply)
Nah, they're both subsets of baked pastries.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:47, Reply)
Technically, a pasty is a type of cake, whereas a pie is a glorified biscuit.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 13:09, Reply)
I glorified your nan's biscuit.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 13:11, Reply)
^ the white stuff in her oreo

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 13:14, Reply)
jammed hard in her old dodger
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 13:41, Reply)
A big fat 3, because I smell of wee.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:43, Reply)
good job you didn't get 2

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 13:29, Reply)
holy shit
"Ziggy played guitar"
Your score:

that has never happened before
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:48, Reply)
take it in
glory awaits you
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:53, Reply)
Yeh I got 4 on this one.
Not sure why the taglines are all from David Bowie when only one of the questions is about him.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:50, Reply)
Not clicking on the bbc anti trump fake news

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:54, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 13:20, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 13:31, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 13:37, Reply)
Not content with ruining Twin Peaks, Dave had to start appearing in Star Trek too, wanker

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 13:41, Reply)
He did like the skin tight suit.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:07, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 13:57, Reply)
corbyn out

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:02, Reply)

yn out omite maneuver
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:06, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:14, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:18, Reply)
Hullo, you bunch of flebrobates, it's me - you know, Richard.

I have a fun-packed weekend ahead, kid all weekend, Lord and Lady Pig dinner out on Saturday and my lovely sister up for Sunday lunch.

How about THAT, you fucking tosser's?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:10, Reply)
Wow I sure am glad I subscribed to your blog, Richard!

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:11, Reply)
I'm playing bubble football tomorrow.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:12, Reply)
*googles* oh dear m8
If anyone were in any doubts as to the sort of woofter who'd be into 'bubble football', feast your eyes on this fellow:
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:16, Reply)
He's got a football tattooed on his leg lol

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:17, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:20, Reply)
I wouldn't mind a go down a hill in one of them zorb things but fuck playing football in one.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:17, Reply)
I might get a pint and a record tattooed on my leg

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:20, Reply)
+ of prawns

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:23, Reply)

a pint left
a record right
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:26, Reply)
jimmy cricket 4 lyf

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:27, Reply)
lol, old

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:31, Reply)
I'm going to get one of a very sad man working in an office.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:33, Reply)
Harmless fun, although a colleague of mine put her neck out whilst spectating a game, after one of the players slammed into her and sent her flying.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:20, Reply)
I was going to say, how do you put your neck out spectating, but spectators do get run over at car rallies sometimes.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:22, Reply)
Fortunately, there's no dress code, so I won't have to dress like him.
I'm just looking forward to bumping into people and sending them flying for half an hour on the pretense that it's sport.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:22, Reply)
Just remember that everyone here hates everyone else's idea of fun.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:23, Reply)
I think that actually makes it more enjoyable, to be honest.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:30, Reply)
I wonder who takes the crown 'least able to grasp subjectivity'?
Shambles must've been a contender.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:39, Reply)
Nah, he was just inherently superior to the rest of us.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:50, Reply)
Maybe until you're *really* sure that the scene is 'for you', you should start by just drawing a football on your leg, in pen?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:24, Reply)
I'm hoping sparkly football temporary tattoos will be supplied by the venue itself.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:31, Reply)
that dude looks like he'd have a couple in his locker

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:35, Reply)
You're not wrong.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:04, Reply)
I bet Vinny Jones would still find a way of fucking you up

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:24, Reply)
He'd just roll around on his back flailing his studs at anyone who came near him.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:04, Reply)
Visiting my parents, tomorrow,
then probably climbing and nagging kids about homework on Sunday. My weekends are all rather samey, truth be told.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:18, Reply)
patents, eh?
probably for some sort of bent moustache comb or sutin
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:19, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:21, Reply)
You may mock,
but an uncombed mustache can be disastrous.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:22, Reply)
i'm going to watch some wrasslin' at the guild hall tonight
should actually be pretty good

what does lord and lady pig dinner mean? are you just planning to eat a lot?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:19, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:20, Reply)
Meal out with the Windys

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:20, Reply)
GS for sure.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:24, Reply)
I fucking hope so

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:27, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:40, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:48, Reply)
Balloon hats for all!

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:51, Reply)
cool, i'll bring my vuvuzela

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:22, Reply)
sounds rubbish

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:20, Reply)
1/10 would not recommend this weekend

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:23, Reply)
Went for a 9 course meal in a Michelin star restaurant yesterday
Currently have a food hangover.

Flying to Newcastle from Bristol to see parents, expect to be surrounded by chirpy Bristol City fans.
Going to watch Newcastle fuck up Bristol City tomorrow at the footballs.
Flying back Monday surrounded by miserable Bristol fans who wallowed in an extra day of misery before returning to their shithole of a poncetown.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:23, Reply)
I'm driving to Bristol today for a Julian Cope gig.
I was born in Bristol. It is fantastic. One time he went to France. Etc.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:35, Reply)
It's my second favourite UK city I think
Never had anything other than extreme lolz there
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:36, Reply)
after Cov, right?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:39, Reply)
I'm in Covo in two weeks' time

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:47, Reply)
Poventry lol

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:48, Reply)
Covo is also a small town outside of Milan
take that fact fans!
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:50, Reply)
do you have any facts for take that fans?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:55, Reply)
Robbie Williams has one bollock smaller than the other
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:59, Reply)
ooh which one?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:15, Reply)
that I can't tell you!

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:18, Reply)
it switches every 4 days

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:23, Reply)
I have to confess that the delights of Cov have yet to be revealed to me

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:48, Reply)
I bet you'd love the transport museum

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:59, Reply)
I'm surprised you never ended up in eclipse bitd.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:10, Reply)
this is what it looks like now
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:23, Reply)
Me too actually

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 14:02, Reply)
I dont know you
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:40, Reply)
Might go car shopping.
If I can be arsed.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:41, Reply)
get a replica Mystery Machine

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:45, Reply)

replica Mystery micro
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:46, Reply)

Machine penis
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:49, Reply)

Mystery Grrrr
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:16, Reply)
dinner out

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:45, Reply)
strikey-g wogs

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:45, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:48, Reply)
I have no opinion

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:53, Reply)
I see Kenny Noye is in the news today

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:03, Reply)
yeah got his move to open prison, be out in 18 months probably

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 12:04, Reply)
Morning the /talk

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 7:55, Reply)
Quiet in here today
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:00, Reply)
Good morning.
Got that Friday feeling?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:01, Reply)
Crunchier than a dried cum-rag

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:13, Reply)
Morning, the deads

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:07, Reply)
Isn't it though?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:14, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:12, Reply)
Hi diddley hey
it's such a Grry day
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:14, Reply)
I thought it was Thursday
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:17, Reply)
You KNOW when you've been date-raped

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:23, Reply)
Morning, /u/biscuitman
Hob Nobs or Ginger Nuts?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:22, Reply)
Hob nobs dunk better

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:22, Reply)
dilly ding dilly dong

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:22, Reply)
Fol de rol rey

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:23, Reply)
I'm not keen on the keep clicking until they have all gone game on the log in
I find it a bit stressful
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:24, Reply)
It's good to know that you won't be able to post
when you're senile and can't work out what's a sign or shop front any longer.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:32, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:28, Reply)

I live cement
I hate this street
Give dirt to me
I bite lament
This human form
Where I was born
I now repent

Garibou [3x]
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:32, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:42, Reply)
I've just dropped the cap from my tube of blistex intensive moisturiser in my coffee
and now it smells all medicated, like a cross between root beer and coffee. Odd. I'm still going to drink it though.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:35, Reply)
you're the hero we need

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:37, Reply)
I ... well ... I'm honoured
This was the perfect day to premier my new trousers.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:54, Reply)
Cock flavoured soup

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:39, Reply)
my cock tastes of soup
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:43, Reply)
Can confirm: am soup.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:47, Reply)
pea and ham?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:49, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:58, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:16, Reply)
it's Peyronie's you insensitive bastard

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:39, Reply)
i had to google that
penis plaque? eww
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:57, Reply)
Maybe use a dental-floss-thin g-string
to get rid of the plaque?
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:21, Reply)
I'm testing out Lotus' new menthol/eucalyptus tissues.
They're good for freeing up your nose; probably a bit extreme for wanking though.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:40, Reply)
free your nose and your wank will follow

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:43, Reply)
lemsip on the verge of knocking one out

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:53, Reply)
Tweet this at them
it may be their new advertising slogan
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:50, Reply)
thanks gari
we're grateful, dead
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:42, Reply)
I fucking love the Grateful Dead
Up to about 1972-3 they could do no wrong
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:46, Reply)
by which I of course mean 'morning, mandolin'

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:49, Reply)
alright rochard

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:58, Reply)
You don't hear much of their stuff
on the radio or incidentally used on film or tv so I only know a Casey Jones and The Devil Is A Friend of Mine.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:52, Reply)
Just a brilliant band
'Live '72' is a good one
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:03, Reply)
I don't think I've ever knowingly heard anything by The Grateful Dead.
I could probably remedy that, with the magic of the internet.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:59, Reply)
Casey Jones is a good tune

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:03, Reply)
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:04, Reply)
That reminds me of a joke.
I spent about an hour listening to the Grateful Dead last night. Cracking song.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:03, Reply)
More noodles
than a Ken Home DVD
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:11, Reply)
another fucking workshop

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:47, Reply)
Any workshop that doesn't involve mechanics and grease
is a bad thing.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:51, Reply)
Agile methodologies :(

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:58, Reply)
Make sure that you "touch base" with your "key stakeholders"
to ensure that you're all "singing from the same hymn sheet".
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:00, Reply)
We're learning to play this:
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:08, Reply)
Make it planning strip poker, liven things up a little.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:13, Reply)
I'll raise you four backlog items

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:21, Reply)
lol "log"

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:25, Reply)
come on now
don't be like that. DSDM is your friend.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:16, Reply)
we use scrum

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:32, Reply)
the only workshop I'm interested in is Charles Mingus' Jazz Workshop

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:59, Reply)

a i
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:05, Reply)

u e
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:21, Reply)

or an
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:33, Reply)
we got there in the end - well done team!

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:36, Reply)


Cat toilet training
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:55, Reply)
well you've done it right once already, why do you need to do a workshop

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 8:58, Reply)
I once supervised some testing in the workshops of a big firm
and when I went to the toilet each cubicle had a mucky nudie lady mag, soft-core, no nookie, but sort of glossy page 3 stunnahs. This was about 5 years ago. It was properly bewildering - that someone would either provide the magazines for everyone (would there be a kitty?) or just leave a copy in each cubicle after use, I don't know.

Personally, I think a copy of the Screwfix catalogue is the best material for a gent's toilet cubicle.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:16, Reply)
Cor, look at the grease nipples on that

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:18, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:20, Reply)
yeah 90% of screwfix stuff is shit

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:24, Reply)
All shit from terrible Chinese factories

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:28, Reply)
Pictures are nice though

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:43, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:14, Reply)
I killed a pheasant, this morning, and now my car's bumper is wonky.
If I weren't sitting next to my boss, today, I'd use this as an excuse to kick off Car Chat: Roadkill Edition. But I am, so I won't.
You can thank me later.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:20, Reply)
did you salvage it and stick it in the boot of your car for later?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:23, Reply)
I did that once
my stepfather got the hump that I didn't bring the corpse home
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:26, Reply)
isn't there some weird law that says you're not allowed to but the car behind you is?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:36, Reply)
you're thinking of dogging

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:41, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:43, Reply)
and wanking yourself into a stupor

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:44, Reply)
I think there is, but anyone stopping for this would have probably caused a pile up.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:42, Reply)
There's a law in Switzerland that says you can't transport wild game into the country unless you cut its head off first.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:55, Reply)
I've heard this, I think it's so people don't go hunting with cars.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:56, Reply)
feeling up your dog, killing birds
i hope the rspca puts a stop to you
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:32, Reply)
he won't stop until he's wanked a horse off

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:34, Reply)
Nobody stops at that
the next challenge is to make "friends" with an elephant while on safari
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:46, Reply)
Pheasant killing dog molester, never irons trousers,
turtle power
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:36, Reply)
he sounds more of a hippy than tangles

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:49, Reply)
I'm an eighth level vegan.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:51, Reply)
RIP Claudio Ranieri

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:33, Reply)
He dilly dongs with the angels now

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:34, Reply)
Just booked a meal here for my honeymoon

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:35, Reply)
what's the vegetarian option?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:38, Reply)
Just wine

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:42, Reply)
the back of my hand

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:43, Reply)
see you there

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:41, Reply)
lol, "basque"

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:47, Reply)
been there, it's rubbish

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:56, Reply)
^voice of reason

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 9:58, Reply)
well it's all foreign muck isn't it

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:09, Reply)
couldn't even get a decent gammon, egg and chips
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:15, Reply)
If I can't get scampi and chips with peas for 4 quid it's a rip off.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:16, Reply)
they tries to fob me off with jamón serrano egg and chips, i asked for wiltshire cured ham, fucking dagos

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:27, Reply)
All delivered in the style of Fawlty Towers

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:33, Reply)
Do foreign countries ever have "English restaurants" or do ex-pats just run pubs?

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:33, Reply)
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:37, Reply)
Fair enough.
I suppose that's no worse than Brits believing that 90% of all Italian food is pizza.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:50, Reply)
I'm sure China even built replica English towns

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:52, Reply)
When they stole our steel industry, they were obliged to recreate Sheffield.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:58, Reply)
Can't wait to see the Chinese version of The Full Monty.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:09, Reply)
I'll bet you can't,
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:17, Reply)
It's fairly common. Magnitogorsk was a Soviet copy of Gary, Indiana.
Trees wouldn't grow there so they mocked-up metal ones.

Ironically it's now nicer than Gary because Gary is a horrid slum.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:07, Reply)
of any interest, might cost a bit as it is new old stock
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:11, Reply)
There's almost certainly some hipster place in the US charging an eye-watering fee for really bad fish and chips.
Bet they don't even do mushies.
(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 11:11, Reply)
I spoke to the owner and he said you will have to sit in the toilets.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:16, Reply)
A sensible precaution.

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:21, Reply)

(, Fri 24 Feb 2017, 10:58, Reply)
I broke the air release valve on my office radiator.
Snapped the male end off with the radiator key after bleeding the air out. There's still half of it stuck in the threaded hole.

Do I need to buy a new radiator, or is it possible to remove the remaining bolt and replace it? Does anyone know what the inside end of the hole looks like? Could I turn (dremel/drill/hammer) the bolt inwards and let it fall inside, or is there some sort of barrier in that direction?

I was thinking of maybe dremeling a crude line into the remaining copper bolt thing and using a screwdriver if just grinding it with a drill doesn't work. Not much space to work with though.

Any insight appreciated.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:21, Reply)
You missed out on some quality bin chat earlier

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:23, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:26, Reply)
so did i!

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:30, Reply)
The Simplehuman Semi-Round Sensor Bin is a quality bin

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:53, Reply)
I refuse to believe this

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 19:18, Reply)
I stand with drimble on this
I have a suspicion that the manufacturers call that stuff "simple human" as some kind of sarcastic description of the type who would fall for spending like fifty quid or something on a bin. IT'S A BIN
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 19:29, Reply)

naturally if anyone is reading this and has spent upwards of fifty quid on a bin, I want you to know that I respect your life choices and I respect you as a person
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 19:30, Reply)
Because I don't have children or pets I've taken the lid off my bin. Makes life much easier as I can lob shit in it across the kitchen.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 19:39, Reply)

bin commode
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 20:06, Reply)
Top stealth punnage there
It was wheelie good
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 22:45, Reply)
Extras hidden in this reply too

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 23:08, Reply)
if only he'd BIN there, eh? :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 19:16, Reply)
Yeah probably

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:25, Reply)
It's times like this that I regret giving up "your nan" remarks.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:30, Reply)
Can you not just use an ez-out?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:31, Reply)
Ooh thanks, just looked this up
Dunno if it's entirely suitable though.

There's no head on the thing that's left stuck in there, and it's actually a bit recessed inside the radiator... Do you think ez-out (or a much cheaper generic version) would do the job?
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:50, Reply)
As long as you can screw the extractor into it, yeah, it should work. You're basically just tapping a reverse thread into it then unscrewing it.
You need to get it as central as possible, obviously. The recess could be handy with no head as it could serve as a guide for the extractor.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:52, Reply)
I think I'll try to do some fine dremelling and brute force screwdriving first
cos a new radiator is only 20 more than an ez-out... It's copper, should be soft enough to bore into, right?

Then I could try a 6.99 generic doodad, then say fuck it and get a plumber.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:09, Reply)
yeah, just knock it through
it'll be fine
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:39, Reply)
Tempted to try this
but not sure if it's actually a good idea.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:02, Reply)
quit and find a new job

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:41, Reply)
+ at some point before the radiator needs bleeding again.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:42, Reply)
It's my home office, soz that wasn't clear.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:58, Reply)
burn your house down

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:00, Reply)
The bolt would still be stuck in the radiator.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:04, Reply)
this is more sort of general advice

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:19, Reply)

*something about male end in your threaded hole more like*

You dirty bollix
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:45, Reply)
This didn't deserve to be on the popular page, you're all shit

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:49, Reply)
I don't come here to talk about work.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:56, Reply)
Why /do/ you come here?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:01, Reply)
GS, i reckon

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:22, Reply)
That and car chat.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:42, Reply)
same thing

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:49, Reply)
Try phoning B&Q

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:59, Reply)
I don't trust them to give me good advice.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:10, Reply)
You should push it back through the tiny hole using your penus and helmit

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:55, Reply)
Helpful answer
Bleed valve screw probably looks like this.
So you should be able to push it back through the hole.
Using your tiny penus and helmit.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:58, Reply)
Cheers that's actually a big help.
With that picture as reference it looks like I'd be better off twisting it out than forcing it in.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 19:47, Reply)
unfortunately I died of boredom half way through reading this post so am no longer in a position to offer any helpful suggestions

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 19:16, Reply)
R.I.P. vladimir, u r wiv da angel's now xoxox

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 21:50, Reply)
Has come right back. The prick.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 19:32, Reply)
ur mum nearly snapped my male end of last night, m{2^3}.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 21:14, Reply)
mongy wants to see the back of Strikey-G.
What do you want to see the back of?
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:54, Reply)
Eddie Grundy and his stupid schemes
The most annoying character in the Archers by far.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:57, Reply)
One day the Grundy's will rise and overthrow their opressors
class warfare in The Archers!
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:19, Reply)
Eddie will fuck it up by being cheap
And Lynda Snell will wear his bollocks for earrings.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:24, Reply)
Buy some that fit better, or just go commando.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:33, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:36, Reply)
Helen is way more annoying.
She should have stabbed Rob properly, then been sent down for a long stretch.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:26, Reply)
Bollocks is she
She's now going to become another matriarch powerhouse. Henry on the other hand will continue to be fucking annoying.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:31, Reply)
She's a proper wet blanket
With any luck, Henry will have suffered terrible psychological trauma from the whole affair, and will eventually do her in.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:34, Reply)
You guys know the archers is shit, right?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:49, Reply)
it's weird. i thought everyone knew
but these two seem to be carrying on as if they don't know
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:03, Reply)
You and Mupps have just failed your citizenship test.
You'll be punted of to somewhere remote, post-Article 50. Via a processing center in Felpersham.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:09, Reply)
Rita Ora

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:58, Reply)
It's nicer than Ribena.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:35, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:02, Reply)
all the monsters in Doom
I ran around them loads of times but they always rotated to face me
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:17, Reply)
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:39, Reply)
\o/ pixelbums

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:44, Reply)
I think they'd only ever turn away from you if you could convince them to fight each other.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:04, Reply)
Or if you spied on them with IDCLIP

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:19, Reply)
I'm not here to judge how you spent your free time.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:20, Reply)

monst stripp
oom uke nukem 3D
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:05, Reply)
"Shake it, bay-bee!"

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:19, Reply)
y'wanna dance?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:39, Reply)
Remember all the police got turned into pigs?
And that you could take a slash in the urinals? If nothing else, that game understood its target demographic.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:53, Reply)
"I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of gum".
I think I prefer it that way round to the way it's said in They Live.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:55, Reply)
I think that's probably blasphemous.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:04, Reply)
"chew bubblegum and kick ass" just doesn't sound as snappy.
They live is brilliant though, obvs.

I'm not sure what I'd have thought of Duke Nukem if I was a proper adult at the time.

I remember another game, 'Going Postal' that was a bit mental. You could wee on people and set them on fire and stuff. Gameplay was shit though.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:12, Reply)
Uwe Boll never got to make a film of Duke Nukem, though.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:19, Reply)
This is true.
Milla Jovovich's pum couldn't even save Resident Evil.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:22, Reply)
I quite enjoyed the first one,
but it's a shame George Romero's script wasn't used.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:27, Reply)
DN Forever was aimed at alien penis rape murder fetishists

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:13, Reply)
By the time it came out I think we were all collectively too grown up to think it as anything but childish.
We had proper war games and streaming hardcore pornography by then. It harked from a simpler time.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:14, Reply)
You kids have got it so good.
Back before "broadband" we had to make our own snuff.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:18, Reply)
everyone an everything to do with reality tv

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:19, Reply)
The Pottery one is quite good
At least they are making stuff.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:25, Reply)
including trump, presumably

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:09, Reply)
nah i'll keep trump for the left wing upset he causes, i like seeing people in the uk go on pointless marches

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:32, Reply)
Doomsday preppers is pretty amazing.
Everyone on it is a paranoid thick nutter.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:29, Reply)
the eu
I mean how long does leaving take?
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:34, Reply)
why don't we dump them by text?
worked for me
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:36, Reply)
welcome to dumpsville, population: you

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:39, Reply)
p.s. i am gay

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:09, Reply)
well this deserves a click for out of context populols

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:18, Reply)
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:42, Reply)
this is now my joint 7th most popular post

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 18:59, Reply)
It helps if you pronounce it the way they do in Friends
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:37, Reply)
I've never watched an episode of Friends

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:40, Reply)
nobody "watches" it
but I sat through episodes of it at a girl's house when I was 15 on the offchance she'd let me touch her boobs.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:45, Reply)
I was (and remain) a bit older so spent my time in pubs and clubs instead on the off chance the girls there might let me touch their boobs

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:48, Reply)
I don't know if I've ever seen a full episode but I've seen enough to realise I don't like it.
I think everyone's seen the bit where ross gets a spray tan. If you haven't it's basically your skee-lo
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:25, Reply)
We should have at least built a drawbridge over the channel, that we could raise up to make the point.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:01, Reply)
in the meantime we could round up all foreign people and deport them

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:03, Reply)
rita ora first for ss

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:05, Reply)
I'll marry her so she stays

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:16, Reply)
Sorry mate, she's just for me and my dog.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:20, Reply)
But some of my vaguest acquaintances are foreign.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:16, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:36, Reply)
They split up years ago m8

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:37, Reply)
Oh thank god. I can finally get back up again.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:41, Reply)
5ive are now three
yeah yeah, spice girlszzzz, yada yada
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:50, Reply)
S Club 7 are now a three piece also.
It's like they are all shit at maths or summat.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:50, Reply)
A few years ago I saw S club 3 playing the student union
A part of my childhood died that night. A bit like when Mark Speight topped himself.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 15:57, Reply)
sounds as though your childhood was pretty shit anyway

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:04, Reply)
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:04, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:10, Reply)
That's really your own fault then isn't it?
I walk past a nightclub aimed at mainly students and noticed they had Timmy Mallet doing a 'live pa' there.

Now, I doubt I would have gone and seen that as a student, but if I did, at least I am able to say he was on the telly when I was a kid.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:23, Reply)
You could have popped in to ask him to reply to Two Hats' tweets.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:32, Reply)
I'd like to see the back of this place

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:09, Reply)
If it's the last thing we ever do

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:21, Reply)
oh you will

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:23, Reply)
It's the same as the front, except the text is reversed

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:53, Reply)
most things
and people
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:12, Reply)
That's the spirit!

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:21, Reply)
dank memes
the dankest ones
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 16:38, Reply)

just for grrrmachine
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:08, Reply)
carl = black
lenny = white
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 17:13, Reply)
Pushing weather chat down the board
How do, boarders?
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:38, Reply)
work beers tonight.
What's your opinion on drinking with coworkers?
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:42, Reply)
Never done it
It's good here, no false bonhomie - we all just want to get out of here and back to our respective lives. No Christmas cards, no decorations, no team building wankery.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:48, Reply)
Yeah, but you sacked everyone at Christmas.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:56, Reply)
ho, ho, ho

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:59, Reply)
Twas the night before Christmas, and in the warehouse
Not a shitcunt was stirring, because they'd all been laid off lol
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:00, Reply)

sacked machine-gunned
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:02, Reply)
I'm Bill Clay, AMA.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:06, Reply)
Okay. 1) What the fuck are you doing up here?
2) What were you looking for?
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:20, Reply)
Trying to find my accent.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:25, Reply)

It's good here, no false bonhomie - we all just want to get out of here and back to our respective lives. No Christmas cards, no decorations, no team building wankery.I only said I did it so they'd take me bellend out the chilli sauce!
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:28, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:35, Reply)

Done it quite a few times, can be a good way to let off steam and bitch about the management, etc.

However it can go awry, such as the one occasion when I got so shitfaced I kicked off at one particular individual (who, in fairness was universally disdained and known for being a lazy workshy parasite), and called them out along the lines of 'why are you even here, how do you still have a job?' with a few choice expletives. Got a gross misconduct disciplinary for that one, lol. Job was shit anyway, silver lining is that it was a catalyst to move on to bigger and better things.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:02, Reply)
The thing is, I *am* the management

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:26, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:27, Reply)
Alright, Hale and/or Pace.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:30, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:44, Reply)

management law

Alright, Judge Dredd
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:50, Reply)

the management Vinz, Vinz Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer, Volguus Zildrohoar, Lord of the Seboullia
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:56, Reply)

the management a lady boarder AMA!
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:59, Reply)

the management not a number! I am a free man!
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:01, Reply)

the management an antichrist
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:02, Reply)

the management your father
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:03, Reply)

the management Hari Seldon. Former First Minister to Emperor Cleon I. Professor Emeritus of Psychohistory at Streeling University on Trantor. Director of the Psychohistory Research Project. Executive Editor of the Encyclopedia Galactica. Creator of the Foundation.

It all sounds quite impressive, I know. I have done a great deal in my eighty-one years and I am tired. Looking back over my life, I wonder if I could have - should have - done certain things differently. For instance: Was I so concerned with the grand sweep of psychohistory that the people and events that intersected my life sometimes seemed inconsequential by comparison?

Perhaps I neglected to make some small incidental adjustments here or there that would have in no way compromised the future of humanity but might have dramatically improved the life of an individual dear to me. - Yugo, Raych ... I can't help but wonder ... Was there something I could have done to save my beloved Dors?

Last month I finished recording the Crisis holograms. My assistant, Gaal Dornick, has taken them to Terminus to oversee their installation in the Seldon Vault. He will make sure that the Vault is sealed and that the proper instructions are left for the eventual openings of the Vault, during the Crises.

I'll be dead by then, of course.

What will they think, those future Foundationers, when they see me (or, more accurately, my hologram) during the First Crisis, almost fifty years from now? Will they comment on how old I look or how weak my voice is or how small I seem, bundled in this wheelchair? Will they understand - appreciate - the message I've left for them? - Ah well, there's really no point in speculating. As the ancients would say: The die is cast.

I heard from Gaal yesterday. All is going well on Terminus. Bor Alurin and the Project members are flourishing in "exile". I shouldn't gloat, but I can't help but chuckle when I recall the self-satisfied look on the face of that pompous idiot Linge Chen when he banished he banished the Project to Terminus two years ago. Although ultimately the exile was couched in terms of an Imperial Charter ("A state-supported scientific institution and part of the personal domain of His August Majesty, the Emperor" - the Chief Commissioner wanted us off Trantor and out of his hair, but he could not bear the thought of giving up complete control), it is still a source of secret delight to know that it was Las Zenow and I who chose Terminus as Foundation's home.

My one regret where Linge Chen is concerned is that we were not able to save Agis. That emperor was a good man and a noble leader, even if he was Imperial in name only. His mistake was to believe in his title and the Commission of Public Safety would not tolerate the burgeoning Imperial independence.

I often wonder what they did to Agis - was he exiled to some remote Outer World or assassinated like Cleon?

The boy-child who sits on the throne today is the perfect puppet Emperor. He obeys every word Linge Chen whispers in his ear and fancies himself a budding statesman. The Palace and trappings of Imperial life are but toys to him in some vast fantastical game.

What will I do now? With Gaal finally gone to join the Terminus group, I am utterly alone. I hear from Wanda occasionally. The work at Star's End continues on course; in the past decade she and Stettin have added dozens of mentalics to their number. They increasingly grow in power. It was the Star's End contingent - my secret Foundation - who pushed Linge Chen into sending the Encyclopedists to Terminus.

I miss Wanda. It has been many years since I've seen her, sat with her quietly, holding her hand. When Wanda left, even though I had asked her to go, I thought I would die of heartbreak. That was, perhaps, the most difficult decision I ever had to make and, although I never told her, I almost decided against it. But for the Foundation to succeed, it was necessary for Wanda and Stettin to go to Star's End. Psychohistory decreed it, - so perhaps it wasn't my decision after all.

I still come here every day, to my office in the Psychohistory Building. I remember when this structure was filled with people, day and night. Sometimes I feel as if it's filled with voices, those of my long-departed family, students, colleagues - but the offices are empty and silent. The hallways echo with the whir of the wheelchair motor.

I suppose I should vacate the building, return it to the University to allocate to another department. But somehow it's hard to let go of this place. There are so many memories ...

All I have now is this, my Prime Radiant. This is the means by which psychohistory can be computed, through which every equation in my Plan may be analysed, all here in this amazing, small black cube. As I sit here, this deceptively simple-looking tool in the palm of my hand, I wish I could show it to R. Daneel Olivaw ...

But I am alone, and need only to close a contact for the office lights to dim. As I settle back in my wheelchair, the Prime Radiant activates, its equations spreading around me in three-dimensional splendor. To the untrained eye, this multicoloured swirl would be merely a jumble of shapes and numbers, but for me - and Yugo, Wanda, Gaal - this is psychohistory, come to life.

What I see before me, around me, is the future of humanity. Thirty thousand years of potential chaos, compressed into a single millennium ...

That patch, glowing more strongly day by day, is the Terminus equation. And there - skewed beyond repair - are the Trantor figures. But I can see ... yes, softly beaming, a steady light of hope ... Star's End!

This - this - was my life's work. My past - humanity's future. Foundation. So beautiful, so alive. And nothing can ...

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:04, Reply)

The thing is, I *am* the management
he looks at Melania and says, "But you told me you were barren!"
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:05, Reply)

the management queer as a nine bob note
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:05, Reply)

the management bent
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:08, Reply)

management one and only, oh yeah

Call me, call me by my name or call me by number
You put me through it
I'll still be doing it the way I do it
And yet, you try to make me forget
Who I really am, don't tell me I know best
I'm not the same as all the rest

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I've been a player in the crowd scene
A flicker on the big screen
My soul embraces one more in a million faces
High hopes and aspirations, and years above my station
Maybe but all this time I've tried to walk with dignity and pride

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I can't wear this uniform without some compromises
Because you'll find out that we come
In different shapes and sizes
No one can be myself like I can
For this job I'm the best man
And while this may be true
You are the one and only you

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:08, Reply)

management the resurrection and I am the life, I couldn't ever bring myself to hate you as I'd like
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:11, Reply)
in b4 delete

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:14, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:49, Reply)
I'm cool , might pop up the broadway in a bit to speak to o2

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:50, Reply)

speak to o2 audition for Phantom of the Opera
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:19, Reply)
the strikethroughs on here have got out of hand yet again, all unfunny shit

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:20, Reply)
Proper laboured, it's like something that Stewart Lee would do

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:22, Reply)
If there's one thing b3ta is good at,
it's flogging a dead horse.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:29, Reply)
they disappeared for a good while, shame they came back, this place is getting unusable

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:34, Reply)
^^ Upset

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:35, Reply)
yeah because shit cunts from /ot decided to ruin another section of the forum

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 14:37, Reply)
Bit fat at the mo
need to get a couple of KGs off.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:04, Reply)
Feeling marginally more alive than this morning.
Probably going to do a movie marathon or summat this afternoon.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:10, Reply)
Frozen and Frozen Fever in one sitting? Steady on!

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:12, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:25, Reply)
It's #DorisDay
How have you been affected thus far by the campily named storm?
Breezy oot.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:37, Reply)
my quiff looked particularly quiffy when I arrived
and my parting was no longer razor sharp. This is an outrage.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:38, Reply)
I've had to put up with various asinine remarks from co-workers
as though I haven't noticed that it's windy outside. Other than that small annoyance, I haven't been. Might go out wood gathering later.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:40, Reply)
I didn't put my bins out and I was proven right not to do so as there are bins and rubbish everywhere

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:40, Reply)
Ours were collected without problem.
Missing a collection is lethal these days, what with these new skinny bins.

There's a house at the end of my street, accumulating rubbish bags in their yard.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:53, Reply)
it was only recycling week this time so i've not missed much, but they are just little plastic crates that blow everywhere

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:54, Reply)

didn't put stayed about from
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 13:09, Reply)
I survived The Great Storm Of 1987.
Doris is just a light breeze. Might go fly a kite near a powerstation, really spit in the eye of fate.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:40, Reply)
not sure

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:43, Reply)
It's a bit windy out but nowhere near storm proportions.
My bin appears to have survived so far.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:44, Reply)
Yeah, Im not classing this as a storm either.
Silly Brits.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:51, Reply)
Any excuse to get a little overdramatic, honestly.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:01, Reply)
It was fackin TIPPING it down when I got off the tube, so yes, a little

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:46, Reply)
My trousers are a little soggy.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:50, Reply)

+ brown
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:51, Reply)
Bit snowy up here.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:51, Reply)
might go for a cruise in the car see what's about
do a bit of window shopping as well
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:52, Reply)
Smash and grab

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:53, Reply)
a frog hopped into my house this morning when I opened the door to get the milk in
not sure if this is related to Doris or not
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:53, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:54, Reply)
Bloody EU migrants are getting cocky.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:55, Reply)
courting you

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:55, Reply)
mm hmm

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:58, Reply)
be careful i hear he carries a gun and a sword

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:10, Reply)
did you kiss it?
missed opportunity if not
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:59, Reply)
This reminds me.
Nigel Farage is on Piers Morgan Life Stories this weekend.

and not a scatterbomb in sight.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:00, Reply)
If they collide they might cause a cunthole.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:10, Reply)
anyway you should know more than us about the situation

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:18, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:23, Reply)
Nah, not working today so I'm staying in and houseboozing.
Haven't bothered looking out the window but I can hear that it's about 20kt gusting to around 40kt out there.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:14, Reply)
Sorry guys, this was a bit shit.
Feel free to tell us what you're having for lunch, or something.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:18, Reply)
Que Sera Sera

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:28, Reply)
I've found a laundry collecting service
They will pick up my shirts, charge 1.25 to wash, iron and fold them and then drop back at work, delivery included as long as I the bill comes to 15+. That's a month's worth of shirts and I never have to take them home or even iron another thing ever!

I fucking love living in London so I do!

What do you love about the place you live
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:07, Reply)
Not having to get undressed at work in order to get the laundry done.
What's "ironing"?
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:09, Reply)
is ... just ... I hate it hate it hate it I don't mind any other chore, cleaning toilets, floors, dishes whatever but I just fucking hate ironing.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:17, Reply)
Don't do it then.
I don't iron, and my wife made it very clear that she won't be doing it, so nothing gets ironed. Apart from the kids neckers for scouts, and they do that for themselves.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:20, Reply)

+k e a
for scouts
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:22, Reply)
I don't know what you think my kids are doing to their knackers,
but I'll thank you to keep it to yourself.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:26, Reply)
ironing them
i thought that was quite clear
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:48, Reply)
I only iron if it's for a formal situation.
Otherwise it can get to fuck, annoying, pointless activity.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:26, Reply)
I favour non-iron shirts,
and not really worrying what other people think of my appearance.
[insert that qotw story about not wearing formal trousers to a christening, here]
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:27, Reply)
I like to look presentable
but I hate ironing shirts.

However, finding a company that does it cheap and will collect from and deliver back to work has just made my day.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:30, Reply)
I don't have occasion to wear a suit that often, so I don't really mind ironing a shirt to go with it.
For anything more formal than that, the idea of going un-ironed would be enough to give me nervous class-war sweats.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:33, Reply)
I own quite a few suits,
but I tend to just wear the same one for the odd interview or wedding that requires it.
Shame, really, as I quite like a suit, but formal dressing is a bit of a chore.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:49, Reply)
I've got one smart one. It's dark enough to manage funerals and light enough for weddings.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:51, Reply)
I need to buy one because I lost the trousers for my last suit
but when I go into the suit shop I have no fucking clue what the difference is between any of them and why one costs 100 quid and another one 500 when they look identical to my untrained eyes.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:23, Reply)
Don't you have M&S in Poland?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:36, Reply)
not for much longer
still, there are loads of suit stores here, I just don't understand what I'm looking at or what's to stop me buying the first thing I see when I walk through the door since they all make you look like a prick no matter the cut or colour.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:37, Reply)
When my mate went to Poland he said that there were still old boys cutting about in old Soviet suits.
Much like everything else they didn't look too stylish but were made to last forever.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:46, Reply)
bear in mind the monthly pension is about 150 quid
so its unlikely anyone over 60 has cash for a new suit, so they make the old stuff last no matter the cost. Tracky bottoms and trainers never caught on here among the elderly.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:49, Reply)
If they're rack suits, one will be wool and the other will be a blend of wool and various man-made fibres.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:36, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:38, Reply)
he was vacuuming, not ironing

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:52, Reply)
The premise still stands, dear.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:52, Reply)
^frustrated housewife

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:59, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:01, Reply)
I don't mind Ironing, don't do it much because I'm a lazy-arse.
But what I really don't like doing is cleaning the bath.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:50, Reply)
I fucking love having a cleaner, such a good use of £25 a week

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:55, Reply)
I keep meaning to sort one out.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:57, Reply)
I'm uncomfortable with the fact that I have two cleaners,
but I do appreciate the one afternoon a week where the house is clean and tidy.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:59, Reply)
I have someone to do that for me.
After having lived in suburbia and London (for a couple of years, I'm not a Kray twin or anything), I enjoy living on the edge of the countryside; I think I'm more cut out for wellies and flat caps than I am the Big City. We have a Tom and Barbara bucolic middle-aged lifestyle and I am unashamed to say I love it.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:12, Reply)
The cat's a prick, though.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:16, Reply)
Our claner seems to have given up
but then she is a friend we were paying to help her out. Seemed to spend more time complaining than cleaning. A bit apprehensive about letting someone else loose on the place.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:19, Reply)
You have a whole month's worth of shirts?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:17, Reply)
The cleaner used to do them
but she's just stopped coming and they've built up. I cannot say how much I hate ironing the cunts.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:18, Reply)
See what I do here is wear a jumper over them.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:47, Reply)
[something about a roomy closet]

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:21, Reply)
it might only be 4 shirts
depends how disgusting gari is
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:22, Reply)
There's a bag of folded shirts under my desk
that looks like I've done a smash'n'grab at T.M.Lewin
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:26, Reply)
Are housing prices in London such that you've found yourself living in a gaff so small that you can't fit a wardrobe in it?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:29, Reply)
I've just gotten into the habbit of having shirts I only wear at work
here at work rather than hanging up in a wardrobe, also I need to remember to keep bringing them in and there's always a spare here in case of a coffee'sposion or ketchup dribble. If they never have to go home at all then I'm going to be utterly chuffed.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:32, Reply)
I'm just jealous that you get your own desk to keep stuff under.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:36, Reply)
dude, i don't even have a proper contract but i get a desk

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:52, Reply)
I had my own office, back when I was earning less than £14k per annum.
This hotdesk business sucks.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:01, Reply)
*insert picture of flat built in an alleyway here*

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:36, Reply)
How about a garage conversion?
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:49, Reply)
there's a lot of that going on, and councils are under pressure to free up the garages they own to either be demolished or converted to provide housing

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:52, Reply)
It seems there's ridiculous money in selling garages to be used as garages.
I'm sure I saw one single door job for sale for 80k in London.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:56, Reply)
haha... t.m.lewin!
*turns to camera, exaggerated shrug*
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:47, Reply)
I love the cultural diversity of Manchester, and the posh white supremacy of Didsbury Village, where I am.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:30, Reply)
You're also quite close to
Curry Mile. Rusholme has fond memories for me...
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:33, Reply)
I went to Manchester once with an ex.
It was alright. Not alright enough that I'd go without external pressures acting on me, though.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:35, Reply)
Worst euphemism ever.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:37, Reply)
If "going to Manchester" were a euphemism
it'd have to be for a pretty degrading act.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:41, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:52, Reply)
The thing with Manchester is it needs to be explored.
Loads of great places are hidden away.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:52, Reply)

r d
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 12:30, Reply)
Yeah, loads of great, authentic curries.
Bustling atmosphere on a night too.
I used to live in Fallowfield, but Im too old for that shit now. Students annoy me.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:40, Reply)
The country's best restaurants
The country's best museums and galleries
Best gigs - artists who're only doing one or two UK gigs will definitely play London
Lots of green spaces
Easy and frequent public transport 24h a day
The pace of life of your own choosing
The privacy and anonymity of a large population
And on a personal level, I have the most incredible panoramic view of London from my terrace, it really is fucking amazing

I could go on for hours about why I love living where I do, there are some negatives but for me they are dwarfed by the positives
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:48, Reply)
Way to clutter up this comedy website with a serious answer, Rich.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:54, Reply)
My real answer is 'guffs'
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:54, Reply)
In fairness the rest of the UK doesn't really have dedicated 'green spaces' because that's just what's outside.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:54, Reply)
Tell that to Wolverhampton m8

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:56, Reply)
You can fall out of Wolverhampton and end up in Shropshire by mistake.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:58, Reply)
By the same ticket you can fall out of London and end up in Surrey, Kent, Hertfordshire etc etc

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:00, Reply)
Bloody tourists!
Fuck off back to London and keep your fancy ways where they belong.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:03, Reply)
OK bye

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:11, Reply)
can't get green delivered though can you
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:00, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:01, Reply)
You've probably seen this video before
Taken at the end of the street I live on. Across the road is a rather lovely boating lake.
20 minutes walk to Cardiff city centre.
Barry Island, 15 minute train away to a sandy beach

I can't brag much more otherwise you might get wise to the good life. On and shirt wash/iron/delivery? 75p each.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:58, Reply)
Rubbish fake castle though

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:59, Reply)
You are dissing the work of Capability Brown in the 18th century?

Edit: And William Burges in the 19th, you scallywag!
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:02, Reply)
Why yes, yes I am.
Capability Brown Helmit *I* call him!
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:10, Reply)
Watch out
He is very "haunty"
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:23, Reply)
Capability Brown?
His parents were having a laugh, like...
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:12, Reply)
Capability Clown as I call him

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:24, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:18, Reply)
this photo
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:26, Reply)
your kids?
proper upbringing, that
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:34, Reply)
a young Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:35, Reply)
stuff really

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:35, Reply)
Official 'Grrry is busy' morning thread.
I'm off sick today so I might as well make myself useful.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:03, Reply)
Morning yeti.
I'm not working either. Got a few errands to run today, then off to London for the weekend.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:39, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:41, Reply)
Are you not a London fan?
I'm looking forward to a couple of museums and the aquarium and maybe a lash up.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:42, Reply)
Only been a couple of times but not a fan
Its like everything I hate about Manchester times 10, including the beer prices
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:06, Reply)
I'm not a fan of how busy it gets, but there is stuff you just don't get elsewhere.
I definitely couldn't live there, but I love to visit.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:09, Reply)
i hope they build that big bowie lightning bolt in brixton
not because i think it's particularly necessary but it will annoy mcbeef
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:14, Reply)
He would be livid

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:15, Reply)
And that would make you happy, would it?
Thanks FRIEND.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:20, Reply)
wuv oo

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:25, Reply)
I just hope nobody mentioned that family who won the right to install a giant Jeremy Clarkson head in their front garden.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:25, Reply)
In Manchester
it was a competition from Amazon
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 11:04, Reply)
What's happening in Lahndan then?
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:42, Reply)
Only solid plan is dinner with beefy one night and try to catch my brother for a drink

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:43, Reply)
I don't think I could accept first-hand evidence that any of you are real people.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:46, Reply)
Beefy is just a living mound of records and trainers, given life by a nuclear test in 1983

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:46, Reply)
Can confirm: am mound

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:12, Reply)
cheers d00d
stupid all-day workshops
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:41, Reply)
Strikey g whooooooosh!!

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:42, Reply)
+ Games
Those things are inevitably a waste of time. What are you supposed to be learning about?
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:43, Reply)
nothing: it's Team Building
for a team of 5 who've already worked together for a year.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:05, Reply)
perhaps they don't like you and are being forced to accept you

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:07, Reply)

building fortress 2
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:15, Reply)
Morning, Yetso.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:46, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:49, Reply)
Last full day, back to blighty tomorrow

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:48, Reply)
Where are you at the mo?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 7:50, Reply)
the isle of wight

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:10, Reply)
bring me back some melon tits, yeah?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:10, Reply)
Wait, what are these and can I have one?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:14, Reply)
i've already said too much

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:15, Reply)
Missus is off sick again today and I'm not 100% either
It's like a n0mmy zombie film around here! I'm half expecting Simon Pegg to pop up and make a hilarious popular culture reference to something 'geeky' like Star Wars or comics!
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:11, Reply)
The lurgy, it's a spreadin'.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:15, Reply)
I might bring a cold from out here in farming country.
Might kill you city slickers.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:20, Reply)
I'll swap with you, you can have a fancy-pants swanky London cold in return

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:45, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:53, Reply)
ah! tszombies! lol

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:57, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:20, Reply)
64kbps undead

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:34, Reply)
Good Morning
I hope you feel better soon.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:12, Reply)
Thank you, me too.
Just going up- and downstairs at the moment is making me cough a lung up, which is beginning to get tedious.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:14, Reply)
That would make an great episode of Location, Location, Location
"This week Kirsty has to find a flat to suit a man with a chronic respiratory disease and is in danger of a collapsed lung."

"Grap, I think this place will suit you as the floors are all vinyl so it will be easier to mop up the blood and mucus and it's a very short distance from the front door to the kerb where the ambulance can always find a place."
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:20, Reply)
Once you get to a certain age,
I'm sure these are valid criteria for choosing your next flat.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:23, Reply)
I think by that time
you just accept what your relatives arrange for you and hope that the nurses don't steal your wurther's originals.

My best advice is get all your teeth taken out before you get put in a care home. The staff will soak your dentures but nobody will wash your teeth properly so just get them all taken out to save yourself the misery. (Edit - mum's advice)

Happy Thursday everyone!
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:33, Reply)
Fair point.
You could even do the job yourself by eating a bag of Werther's Originals a day until your teeth dissolve of their own accord.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:37, Reply)
Mum also thinks that everyone over the age of 65 should be allowed to grow and sell marijuana
It would generate income for the elderly, it would foster good relations between the generations and if you had to buy dope from someone's nan it would make it significantly less cool.

I'm not saying it's without flaws but it's the kind of refreshing thinking we need more of.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:46, Reply)
I buy most of my weed from a man in his 60s
He's always whinging about new dealers being unreliable.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:15, Reply)
Conversely I am forced to buy mine from children in parks
It's so undignified.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:23, Reply)
I get nice middle class weed from a victorian terrace in Jericho.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:24, Reply)

a victorian terrace in Chris
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:06, Reply)
30 day suspension

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:10, Reply)
Well, this effort to get back in your good books, has backfired in spectacular fashion.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:11, Reply)
it's the standard punishment whenever a wwe star is caught with drugs

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:23, Reply)
Are they not all jacked up on steroids, anymore? Or did the Chris Benoit incident finally convince them to take the issue seriously?
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:31, Reply)
the talent wellness program was actually implemented the year before benoit went nuts
also, i think the majority of the problem with him was the head trauma
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:51, Reply)
"Alright, bruv!"

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:25, Reply)
"I've got some lit skunk, fam"

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:25, Reply)
mine's either an old bloke whose house looks like a car boot sale threw up in it and only has anything about 50% of the time
or a student who delivers and will turn up within half an hour but charges more
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:27, Reply)
When I did smoke it
my mate used to send it me the classic way: inside a kinder toy egg through the post
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:31, Reply)
I too am not working today, we should have a Doris party
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:19, Reply)
With guffs?

There goes Doris again...
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:21, Reply)
As Barbara Streisand once said: I am a Doris with guffs

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:24, Reply)
I think Beyonce's Becky With The Good Hair was a rip-off

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:29, Reply)
What's that when it's at home?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:26, Reply)
today is Doris Day

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:40, Reply)
it's polish doughnut day allegedly
which means my polish colleague is going to bring us some doughnuts
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:28, Reply)
Are you sure he isn't going to polish your doughnut instead?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:41, Reply)
it's a she, you sexist pig
so win-win
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:46, Reply)
well I've had to make my own cup of tea so you're not making yourself that useful

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 8:38, Reply)
I'll make you one

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:04, Reply)
thx hun
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:14, Reply)
You missed the first kettle run of the morning.
I made coffee but you weren't around.
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:13, Reply)
i've got a thermos full of tea if you want a cup

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:17, Reply)
haha, let's pretend that we all work in the same place!!!!
Might pretend to take requests from the shop later, that's always good
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:22, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:27, Reply)
Piss in a mug, shove it up your bum and spunkem coffee out your helmet

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:24, Reply)
something went wrong, I dun a spunkum but poo come out of my helmit not coffee

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:30, Reply)
fart it back in

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:32, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:41, Reply)
It's a good job we have so many expert poo helmit spunkem guff experts on the forum.

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:43, Reply)
i think that every single day

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:55, Reply)
i think even my 12 year old son would struggle to find any of this funny

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:59, Reply)
i think staring at horizontal grey bars for over a decade has turned our minds to mush

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 10:11, Reply)
now there's piss coffee all over the floor :(

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:43, Reply)
suck it up

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:45, Reply)
mouth or bum?

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:48, Reply)

(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:52, Reply)
ok that seems to have sorted it
thanks everyone
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:54, Reply)
I'm getting a flash-forward
to my last few days in a care home...
(, Thu 23 Feb 2017, 9:55, Reply)

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