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MODERN DAY B3TA THREAd
So I saw some of you guys talking about how you don't really hang out with a lot of black people.

Well, have I got news for you!

I've decided to assign myself to your cases as your official Black B3Ta Friend! Now you can tell everyone you have a black friend, B3tazens! Horjay!

I didn't realize it was a Situation, but now that I am aware, I am here to help.

INFO:

1.) I'm a 25 year old Afro-American male who lives in Suffolk County, Long Island, New York. (if you aren't familiar with that term - and I can't imagine why you wouldn't be - , it's the official nomenclature for someone who lives in the USA and is black. Watch the Spike Lee movie "Malcolm X" for more information on this topic).

2.) There's no section 2.

3.) I can prove my claim by taking a picture of myself, or a 'selfie', as they call it, but you guys have to promise not to 'shop my face onto a picture of Princess Diana with those magenta colored dicks, or something.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:22, Reply)
I don't want a black friend, thx tho

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:26, Reply)

youtu.be/wd63P7mYXzo
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:34, Reply)
Okay, but if you get into an internet fight with somebody, you could be all like,
"I don't have to take this shit from you! I know black people!"
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:40, Reply)
Why would somebody question me about my knowing of black people?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:49, Reply)
Hey, pal, it's 2015.
It's an issue these days. That's all I'm gonna say.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:51, Reply)
bye

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:52, Reply)
Seeya.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:52, Reply)
U hgn up 1st

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:57, Reply)
*click*

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:02, Reply)

luv U
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:03, Reply)
Or you could could go round and sort them out for us with your guns.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:03, Reply)
You want him to be more than just a black friend?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:00, Reply)
but less than a woman

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:04, Reply)
fewer

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:12, Reply)
less than fewer would be very little at all

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:17, Reply)
Sorry, I don't really want to be associated with your type
I don't think humans and Americans should mix.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:47, Reply)
Can't argue with that.
Have you seen what we do to each other? Yech.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:49, Reply)
Besides, I heard you guys were building a big wall to keep everyone who isn't English out.
I think that's adorable. It's just like what I saw in Game of Thrones!
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:52, Reply)
We did that before, it worked on the Scots

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:54, Reply)
I understand that it worked so well the Scots would actually like to chop Scotland off the top of England
and let it drift northerly into the Arctic Circle.

I'll never understand Scottish people, with their drinking of hard alcohol before 12 o' clock.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:57, Reply)
Like scotchlands a thing, being out doing banksy for years

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:02, Reply)
Dunno what you mean
I live in Poland.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:54, Reply)
We all 3 of us replied, I think /talk can consider itself trolled

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:56, Reply)
I've never seen it but isn't the program fictional? And an American shit product ?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:55, Reply)
I was led to believe it was a documentary on Modern British Society.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:56, Reply)
You could Photoshop that and fuck off to bored

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:59, Reply)
I'm afraid I'm not very good at Photoshop
in b4 "neither is bored ayy lmao"
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:01, Reply)
Its no fun if we play each others parts, it spoils text based forums

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:06, Reply)
That part of the colonies might be a write off

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 20:51, Reply)
added bbff

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:07, Reply)
:D
we can't use emojis here, but just imagine, for a second, that I have posted the emoji of the thumbs up.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:09, Reply)


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(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:12, Reply)

🚾
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:57, Reply)
I can't help but think Liam Maybank is to blame for all of this

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:42, Reply)
I blame olly

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:52, Reply)
n r hart's

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:57, Reply)
I read an article about how BBQ food is being stolen by white people from black people.
It was stupid. Every food has been stolen by everyone since the human race learned how to make TV cooking shows.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:51, Reply)
odd
usually the blacks what nick stuff.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:08, Reply)
so fucking edgy

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:45, Reply)
haha

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 23:24, Reply)
A penis selfie will suffice ;-)
Just gaz it directly to mongychops for verification
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 21:52, Reply)
it's cool, man
i've got one at home
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:12, Reply)
How come you've never mentioned your black husband before manolith?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:16, Reply)
that's very good what you've done there
implying i'm gay!
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:44, Reply)
Are you implying you're not?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:58, Reply)
i always assumed he was SAG

(, Fri 28 Aug 2015, 0:14, Reply)
I could never respect a man who signs his name with a kiss like a fucking chutney
'Fight the power, love Malcolm x'
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:16, Reply)
I thought Nobby Nobody was the official b3ta Blackman.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:41, Reply)
steve blackman?
*kendo sticks*
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 22:48, Reply)
Remember 8Ball?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 23:37, Reply)
Hi friends!
I'm a friend of Olly and he said this was a great place to meet like-minded single men who think so-called "feminism" has gone too far.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:09, Reply)
I don't like Olly.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:11, Reply)
But he has such GREAT hair.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:13, Reply)
Never judge a book by its cover.
Never judge a man by his hair.

I don't know where the mods are, but you're exactly the sort I'd like to see b&.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:15, Reply)
Bald and envious.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:16, Reply)
Solar panel for a sex machine, mate.
I make love under a sun lamp.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:20, Reply)
You do remember that real names was what got you on the Naughty List in the first place, right?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:14, Reply)
Yeah. But the not-a-robot click box is always in the same place so ... you know ... whevs.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:15, Reply)
Hth
www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=23552
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:25, Reply)
Password still "ilovefatchicks" yeah?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:58, Reply)
Unless a shit mod changed it

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 17:25, Reply)
I don't see why you have to pay child support if you impregnated someone while drunk.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:16, Reply)
They should charge the mother with rape.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:17, Reply)
And what about that scientist that wore the shirt? Where are the blacklivesmatters protestors when things like that happen?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:19, Reply)
In all seriousness, that was a horrible shirt.
He deserved to get bullied for it.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:27, Reply)
#notallhawaians

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:27, Reply)
made the fucking homo cry lol

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:31, Reply)
Women's fault.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:53, Reply)
A woman made that shirt, fucking patriarchy

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:57, Reply)
A woman with shocking bad taste.
He should have claimed he was wearing it ironically. That'd have seen him right.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:14, Reply)
Hi friend!

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:21, Reply)
Hi!

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:27, Reply)
hahaha
alright?
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:31, Reply)
Not really.
A woman dismantled my whiny notallmenz argument this morning and made me look weak and foolish.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:54, Reply)
typical woman
talking bollocks as per
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:55, Reply)
there is a sort of female here, if you spot her just say 'fuck off mgt' and you'll be alright

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:48, Reply)
I'm scared of women. Olly promised me there wouldn't be any here to oppress me.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:53, Reply)
haha, yeah, we're also racists

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:55, Reply)
Someone recently left our office because she's moving to Wales with her boyfriend
so some of the wags in this office decorated her desk with lots of sheep. I didn't think this was funny for a number of reasons, one of which is that it's slightly culturally insensitive. Your thoughts?
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:57, Reply)
Were the sheep black?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:58, Reply)
Not one, no

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:03, Reply)
I know a funny joke about a black sheep in wales.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:05, Reply)
Is this an Ian Watkins thing?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:24, Reply)
megalolz

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:25, Reply)
wales has no more room for english immigrants

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:01, Reply)
Wales is famed for its sheep farming.
I don't see why celebrating that fact should be considered "culturally insensitive".
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:16, Reply)
You think too highly of the people I work with

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:20, Reply)
I really like Welsh lamb.
Your coworkers can go fuck themselves.

No offence.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:34, Reply)
Were the sheep inflatable?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:38, Reply)
I'm less uncomfortable about race because I don't actually know any black people.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:59, Reply)
it's true, you can only be racist about the blacks

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:01, Reply)
They're all black inside. Even the yellow ones.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:05, Reply)
Hang on. I'm thinking of M&Ms.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:05, Reply)
haha, you card

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:07, Reply)
it's that fucking blue man group i hate, fucking blue cunts, piss off

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:07, Reply)
Fucking hell, Sam, how many of these have you got?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:21, Reply)
All of them.
Me and cr3 are running a wee thing where I upset the bloobloo qotw Mod and he goes running to cr3 to fix it so I can be permanently banned.

Gotta have a hobby.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:25, Reply)
Why does the qotw mod have any say over what goes on on /talk?
Madness.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:38, Reply)
its a fat bird with a grudge, or one her simpering little chums

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:40, Reply)
Did they get you b& off QOTW, too?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:42, Reply)
nah, i never went on qftw, not my thing

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:43, Reply)
You're too modest.
I'm pretty sure the sandboxing was coded especially for you.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:52, Reply)
mongy just pawn in game of life

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 17:36, Reply)
I really can't keep up with all these exciting developments.
Still surprised that D* S******** keeps getting kicked, though (unless he and cr3 are really using it as an effort to test the site's security).
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 17:06, Reply)
Nah. The bloobloo mod has got some serious bloobloos.
Cr3 is as baffled as anybody. I did joke that he could have a steady trickle of work patching the security but I'm pretty sure he's got enough to do with a real job and that.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 18:09, Reply)
How bizarre.
Is this person moderating the wrong website, by mistake?
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 18:48, Reply)
Dob Sairholme?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 18:31, Reply)
I used to like him, before he went off the deep end.
The deep end of a 44,000ltr, saltwater pool, natch.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 18:51, Reply)
Because abloobloobloo.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:54, Reply)
This site has been brought low by abloobloobloo.
Terrible state of affairs.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 17:07, Reply)
I'd have thought having a full-time job, a spouse and two small children might be enough in itself.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 17:16, Reply)
Yeah right. Like anybody on here has had sexual congress with a woman.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 17:23, Reply)
i have

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 17:45, Reply)
My mum doesn't count.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 18:10, Reply)
Bloody Mark Ronson's voice
is the most grating thing ever. I've got Spotify free and he keeps popping up to advertise something, fuck knows what as the moment I hear the cunt I rip my headphones off in disgust.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:33, Reply)
It's an advert for Ghostbusters.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:36, Reply)
Damn
I'm looking forward to that. Is he in it?
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:38, Reply)
I shouldn't think so.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 17:08, Reply)
They want you to pay for the service and stop being a skinflint povvo.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 16:53, Reply)
I once lived with a Welsh bird who fucked a black bloke called Liam
biggest cock she'd ever had, she would say, with a goofy smile on her face.

Have you ever shagged a Welsh bird?
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 18:14, Reply)
Yeah. But my penis is barely average and I'm not actually called Liam.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 18:20, Reply)
But you are black?111!!! MODS

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 18:23, Reply)
There goes another account.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 18:25, Reply)
There goes the neighborhood, some africans stayed in a travelodge in sidcup recently, the news shoppers reporting and comments were lovely internet

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 18:36, Reply)
Hi ho homos!
I've been with my favourite Irish-Mexican all morning. He has easily the best accent ever. Heets hamayzing, so it eez.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:06, Reply)
I knew a scottish-mexican once
His name was Cameron Diaz
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:10, Reply)
I hope this is true and not just a cheap joke.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:11, Reply)
I'm sorry to disappoint you

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:12, Reply)
This is precisely the sort of thing that had brought b3ta into disrepute.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:15, Reply)
ok

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:23, Reply)
bit of a beaker, innit

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:24, Reply)
there
www.primalhardwere.com/category/ovipositors
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:48, Reply)
How do you like your eggs in the morning?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:10, Reply)
Melting in my arse

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:13, Reply)
eggs, not M&Ms.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:27, Reply)
You clearly didn't click the link

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:31, Reply)
I did and I think he made the right choice

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:43, Reply)
also my computer has a virus now :(

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:43, Reply)
Only because you interfere with it

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:47, Reply)
I only wanted to find out how many chicken egg-sized gelatin eggs it could handle

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:51, Reply)
I'm not even sure what my accent is any more

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:23, Reply)
A grim estuary drawl with occasional slavic nuances.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:35, Reply)
there's a smattering of RP in there too
so that I can pretend to have airs and graces
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:59, Reply)

r d
and graces
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:43, Reply)
hah, cos posh people get STDs

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:01, Reply)
Freddie Mercury was in a band called Queen.
Doesn't get much posher than that.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 15:02, Reply)
i read all of your posts in the voice of this guy
mcgarnagle.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/vlcsnap-00404.jpg
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:42, Reply)
hahaha

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:45, Reply)
dunno who that is, but when I tried to click "reply" I hit "I like this" instead
so whatever joke you made still got some validation. Hth.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:55, Reply)
haha, it's funny imagining you talk

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:18, Reply)
Just watch a load of Ed Wynn videos; it's pretty much identical.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:23, Reply)
*chuckles*

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:41, Reply)
Six posts in eleven years.
Careful you don't wear yourself out now.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:35, Reply)
If only that were true

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:36, Reply)
wub woo ❤

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:37, Reply)
I should imagine I'll be banned before I hit triple figures.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:36, Reply)
JUSTICE 4 [whoever you are]

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:46, Reply)
hah, that was wonderfully quick
I bet manolith's in on it.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:26, Reply)
Well let's see now.
Hey, do you reckon I can convince my mate Liam to get a b3ta account? Wouldn't that be japes and larks and banter, what!
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:43, Reply)
I just wish unlimited accounts was here to see this

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:39, Reply)
wiv da angels now

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:45, Reply)
I don't even have an accent.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:42, Reply)
Voice box spastic.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:49, Reply)
mine changes depending on who I'm talking to
I'm all street when talking to my constituents and then all RP when in cabinet meetings.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:49, Reply)
If this is anything other than you sitting round a table with Action Man, Optimus Prime and Barbie, and debating such hot issues as Moshi Monster migration,
I'll be very surprised.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:09, Reply)
Haha Irish like that's even a thing

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:50, Reply)
So he's stupid AND lazy?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:04, Reply)
I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by
And all I know of love is how to live without it
I just can't seem to find it :(
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:25, Reply)
Have you tried looking behind the sofa

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:32, Reply)
I just did, and it was there all along!
Thanks mongy
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:42, Reply)
Always a pleasure

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 14:44, Reply)
I'm going to WH Smiths and Wilkinsons at lunch time
Where are you going to at lunchtime? You can't say "what are you, plod?"
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:09, Reply)
Check out this retro behaviour
I'm going to a Kodak store to pick up some PHOTOGRAPHS.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:12, Reply)
I need to do this actually
YOU CAN'T HANG A MEMORY STICK ON THE WALL YOU KNOW
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:39, Reply)
YES YOU CAN BUT IT'D LOOK FUCKING DUMB

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 12:21, Reply)
I bought my Mum a digital picture frame,
but she still pesters me for prints.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 12:26, Reply)
Finger? Tiger? Artist formerly known as?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 12:47, Reply)
one day her prints will come

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:04, Reply)
Between 2pm and 7pm otherwise he will be left in your safe place or with your designated neighbour.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:08, Reply)
what are you, a nark?
i'm not going anywhere at lunch as i have to be back in time for training this afternoon

i HAVE been playing with this though www.buildwithchrome.com/ (you need to be using chrome)
you can pick a spot on the map and build something, or look at things that have been built nearby. imma build something where my house is
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:14, Reply)
ISIS training I reckon

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:15, Reply)
Bit like Sim City, then?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:21, Reply)
more like building stuff with virtual lego tbh

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:35, Reply)
Bit like Minecraft, then?
What happens once you've built in? Can other people knock it down?

Oh man, what if this is just the setup for an online version of Rampage? Probably not, though.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:38, Reply)
I shall play with this at home, thank you

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:39, Reply)
you'd fucking better

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 13:47, Reply)
This is rather nifty
I also shall play with it myself when I get home
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:45, Reply)
i clicked on that and now i probably have autism

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:46, Reply)
might go up the pub, dunno

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:16, Reply)
what ales do they have?
Not really a lager or bitter drinker, and cider's too gassy for daytime.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:40, Reply)
dunno i don't really look at the ales, it's now a green king pub so probably what they sell, it will be my former local soon as they are ditching kroney for stella, and i don't like stella

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:48, Reply)
WH Smith? Those rip off merchants?
You're a mug, m8
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:17, Reply)
I know, m8
Wanted to get the boys that batman comic book they've been advertising, so it should be the same price everywhere, in theory.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:41, Reply)
They'll probably claim back the VAT as well the cunts.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 12:07, Reply)
I need a jiffy bag, so expect I'll wind up in Smiths, too.
Maybe I'll see you there?
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:18, Reply)
Ooh lovely
We could get a costas together
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:41, Reply)
Smashing.
All WH Smith doorways are a portal to a single store, right?
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:48, Reply)
+ anthony +bumming

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:49, Reply)
probably just go to the canteen and have some of the slop they've put together
could walk down to waitrose though, get a posh snack or something
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:19, Reply)
Sainsburys do a lovely new york deli style pastrami sandwich
And if you do the meal deal, you'd probably struggle to make the lot yourself for less money
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:42, Reply)
It's not bad that, is it?
My usual fallback if I fail to bring lunch in with me.

Crap, this is turning into a lunch thread.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:53, Reply)
Hitler.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:23, Reply)
good point

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:42, Reply)
I'm not going anywhere
I'll probably just sit at my desk and eat my sandwich and maybe have a little cry
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:24, Reply)
i'm sure somewhere out there is a boy who will love you for what you are xxx <3

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:33, Reply)
thx hun ur words make me stronger xx

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:47, Reply)
will the popular kids not let you sit with them, tweeb?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:36, Reply)
I'm so alone

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:48, Reply)
I'd come over and chat to you, tangled
not for long obviously, time is money, but I'd have a little natter with you
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:43, Reply)
ok but I'm not stopping eating

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:49, Reply)
I wouldn't expect you to, m8

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 12:12, Reply)
Probably the canteen downstairs
Brought my own lunch though
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:44, Reply)
working from home today
so eat a packet of hobnobs and masturbate a few times.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:52, Reply)
How many times in a single day?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 12:13, Reply)
lunch?
once, usually.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 12:38, Reply)
I went to the post office and the bank
they didn't have any food though, so I dunno what's for lunch
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 12:38, Reply)
opening my heart to love

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 12:42, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 7:44, Reply)
Horse Wessel Lied

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 7:58, Reply)
Pony Walkman

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 7:59, Reply)
Nag aloo

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 8:02, Reply)
pubic mare

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 8:02, Reply)
Horse 10 from Navarone

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 8:04, Reply)
Fiddler on the Hoof

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:44, Reply)
fuck off dozers

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 8:22, Reply)
happy two hats day

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 8:30, Reply)
It's MERRY two hats day
In this country we say Merry two hats day
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 8:38, Reply)
I say two hats day is a fine thing
Taken in moderation.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 8:43, Reply)
did somebody say...
moderation?!

*walks through door, audience cheers*
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:19, Reply)
Oh, manolith,
could you be any more moderate?
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:20, Reply)
OH.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:01, Reply)
MY.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:01, Reply)
MOD.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:02, Reply)

O AW
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:16, Reply)
"We were ON. A. LINE-BREAK!"

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:29, Reply)
How YOU modding?
*laughs*
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:26, Reply)
I'm not happy about this.
I'm Chandler to your Joey. Is manolith Ross or Rachel?
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:36, Reply)
manolith is the guest star for todays episode of /talk
"/talk is filmed in front of a live studio audience"
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:41, Reply)
Aaaayyyy Mrs C

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:51, Reply)
sit on it

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:52, Reply)
*thumps mod to get it to work*
*goes into the toilets with a boy 10 years my junior*
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:54, Reply)
There's no way you get to be the Fonz.
Potsie, maybe.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:57, Reply)
I'd rather be Potsie than Ralph

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:00, Reply)
if you're any sort of ralph
it's this one
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:03, Reply)

media.giphy.com/media/uHJz27znoFiO4/giphy.gif
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:09, Reply)
Later Simpsons episodes have been very unkind to Ralph.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:12, Reply)
I like this very much
www.uloc.de/screenshots/f/fabf18_27_ralph_chicago_tribune.jpg
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:14, Reply)
I like the one where he runs for congress,
and then the writers run out of story.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:18, Reply)

31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw67zdJ3Pn1r6j5rzo1_500.gif
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:23, Reply)
That's not how you play the flute.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:24, Reply)

pbs.twimg.com/media/CB1yguKUIAAFifR.jpg
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:54, Reply)
That made me very happy.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:19, Reply)
omg the man himself

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 8:50, Reply)
She really does have lovely ears, doesn't she
*sighs*
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:55, Reply)
Feeling a little horse?
Suck a ZUBE. 'Member Zubes, eh?
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 8:37, Reply)
No.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 8:57, Reply)
I don't know what a zube is either

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:00, Reply)
apparently this is what he was sucking on
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=zube
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:20, Reply)
"geeshmonkey"?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:21, Reply)

\_(ツ)_/
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:22, Reply)
I can't find the ad
www.tias.com/stores/danicasantiques/pictures/10oct119a.jpg

It was a cartoon horse with a sore throat. Obviously.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:28, Reply)
"mal de gorge"
I'd see a doctor, if there was something wrong with my gorge.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:33, Reply)

lrn2google
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:36, Reply)

www.maggotdrowning.com/forum/uploaded/lobwormking/201112605527_sexist-ads18.jpg
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:39, Reply)
Better times...
better times...

*slips into dementia dreams*
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:48, Reply)
Based on the Terry Thomas endorsement, I'll stick with Mac sweets.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:44, Reply)
Hooray!
So I didn't dream it
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:52, Reply)
If you remember those adverts,
then you're older than I realised.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:59, Reply)
I remember the tv ads
but it might have been around the same time. I'm 38.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:01, Reply)
Oh. Those ads looked to be from the 1930s.
Maybe the 80s were more primitive than I remember.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:10, Reply)
morning fod

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 8:38, Reply)
Hey hey, it's Dozer!

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 8:57, Reply)
people say he dozes around

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:00, Reply)
dozin aroun

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:03, Reply)
with a 'Z'!

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:52, Reply)
jesus be with you

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:02, Reply)
alright grrrmach-WAITAMINUTE

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:21, Reply)
I hope you did an exaggerated double-take whilst looking at your computer.
You need to earn that laugh track.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:25, Reply)
yeah apparently this thread is set in a 90s sitcom
...again! *mugs to camera*
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:36, Reply)
If there's any Seinfeld slap-bass shenanigans, I'm outta here.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:47, Reply)
Wait, if you're HERE, then that means....
Uh oh!
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:53, Reply)
there is NO WAY i am doing that
*smash cut to me doing that*
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:01, Reply)
Man, this is writing itself
Is comedy writing REALLY this easy?
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:01, Reply)
Oh, and never forget
The easiest way of expressing passage of time is to have your lead characters wearing a wig that is slightly longer than their real hair.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:02, Reply)
I think Mrs. Brown's Boys needs another writer

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:03, Reply)
I'll do it
I could do with the pin money
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:07, Reply)
Everyone involved in that looks like they're really enjoying themselves.
Shame the same can't be said for the audience at home.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:15, Reply)
Each to his own and all that
but it all seems so old fashioned. Like it was written and recorded at the same time as Allo Allo.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:32, Reply)
I think that's why it suits BBC One

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:54, Reply)
BBC One is not the benchmark of comedy that it once was
sad toimes
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:54, Reply)
you could change that Two Hats

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:57, Reply)
man, that'd be something
I'd be like the new Matt Lucas
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:58, Reply)
I see you as the next Russell Howard

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:03, Reply)
between him and Evan Davis, they one set of perfectly good eyes

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:03, Reply)
"She's got Evan Davis eyes"

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:05, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7836904
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 11:12, Reply)

He learned from the best.
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:55, Reply)
God bless Captain Picard.

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:58, Reply)
and all who sail in him

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:00, Reply)
yeah it fucking well is an' all

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 10:03, Reply)
Has this ever been answered?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood!

The answer has eluded me for years!
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 0:04, Reply)
What response are you hoping for here?

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 0:05, Reply)
Entertain Me ;)

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 0:15, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/7838325
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 0:16, Reply)
yeah ok

(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 0:50, Reply)
10 A woodchuck can't chuck no amount of wood,
20 Because a woodchuck can't chuck wood
30 NEXT n
(, Thu 27 Aug 2015, 9:23, Reply)
alright

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 22:29, Reply)
alright mr h
just saw one of my oldest friends on telly
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 22:31, Reply)
Newsnight

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 22:55, Reply)
dearest m
cunted

always
b xx
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 22:59, Reply)
good old Harvey Proctor

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 22:58, Reply)
lololol
alright beefy
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 23:00, Reply)
yo

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 23:06, Reply)
y'alright?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=mInY6_o6PCE
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 23:09, Reply)
tonight I am all about
youtu.be/XrcdXkoLxuk
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 23:17, Reply)
I see your krome and time and raise you dj crystl
at least I was going to do that, but the cunts that are hardcorejunglism have removed all the youtube links that they don't own
cunts
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 23:26, Reply)
Crimewatch?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 22:58, Reply)
Ho ho

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 23:01, Reply)
was it mongy?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 23:34, Reply)
evening

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 22:56, Reply)
yeh

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 22:59, Reply)
go fuck a horse dickface

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 23:10, Reply)
On call tomorrow. I fucking hate being on call.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 23:33, Reply)
have you considered fucking a horse?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 23:34, Reply)
So who is the best pony, then?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:16, Reply)
Mascarpone
Hahaha
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:17, Reply)
hahahaha

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:33, Reply)
sorry guys I don't get it

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:35, Reply)
They used to test make up on horses, see... hahaha

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:53, Reply)
oh I get it now lol

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:45, Reply)
You know what two hats is like, shit be cray

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:49, Reply)
that guy is out of control!

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 20:03, Reply)
I can't wait for the book

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 20:33, Reply)
horses that only turn left

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:21, Reply)
Also sometimes they hit each other
and then before you know it they're all crashing into each other and piling up in a giant clusterfuck
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:35, Reply)
Sexy.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:44, Reply)
You will run out eventually

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:47, Reply)
I must have knocked off fifty in the last couple of weeks and I've not really scratched the surface.
Still ... on the bright side they've finally implemented some of the security I suggested five years ago so now people have to click on pictures of food when they log in. That'll make everything better.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:50, Reply)
all i get is a box to tick that says 'i am not a robot'
i don't get to play the food clicky game :(
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:53, Reply)
Yeah but ... you are a robot.
I'm telling.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:53, Reply)
The main thing is rob doest care, he likes this organic shit smearing, he'll write a book, it'll be rubbish

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 20:02, Reply)
Poor rob.
He showed such early promise.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 20:04, Reply)
I must of missed ...., that day, ....haha

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 20:06, Reply)
aww I don't know, it's kept me engaged for a decade, literally nothing else has ever achieved that, mind you I am an idiot
(select all the pictures of kayaks)
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 21:15, Reply)
I sort of praised rob for his laise fete attitude

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 21:24, Reply)
:)

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 21:34, Reply)
Not bulls again

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 21:43, Reply)
boing
www.mlahanas.de/Greeks/Arts/Minoan/BullJumping.jpg
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 22:20, Reply)
Its the food I resent the most, I think cr3 done it on purpose

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:54, Reply)
He's such a card.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:55, Reply)
He should do "click on the fat chicks" next.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:57, Reply)
I thought that's what the add friend thing was for... haha

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 20:00, Reply)
There aren't any women left to befriend of any size.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 20:02, Reply)
I for one am cancelling my subscription, good day sir

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 20:04, Reply)
you know then that the only option left is the fruity option :((((

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 21:16, Reply)
a fucked and slashed one

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:19, Reply)

svasticross.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/swastika-horse.html?m=1
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:37, Reply)
?
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-1WEGLeMDVtQ/VFW-lWFVxYI/AAAAAAAACBA/0ZE4n65QdAM/w426-h374/2014%2B-%2B1
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:53, Reply)
Alligator Shitfuck all night long

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:42, Reply)
i'm not a pone
:T
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:55, Reply)
I AM AN AMERICA

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:55, Reply)
but you want to be a pony, right?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:13, Reply)
I learnt today that a pony has to be under 14.5 hands, filth

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:20, Reply)
Oh, not really.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:22, Reply)
I don't give them names.
But, if I did, they'd be names like Pony Hart, Pony Bennett and Pony Stark, because every day should be a pun thread.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:00, Reply)
Who the fuck is pony stark?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:04, Reply)
I bet it's a sexual act he performs

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:13, Reply)
I'm not surprised his hair is a mess then

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:19, Reply)
It's not hair, it's a mane.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 21:16, Reply)
Pony Slattery

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 20:04, Reply)
^ this sort of thing

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 21:20, Reply)
a load of old...

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 19:03, Reply)
Fucking hell, they are making creme brulee on bake off. This is a fucking travesty.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 20:23, Reply)
whoah
end of days
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 21:12, Reply)
What's wrong with crème brûlée?
#TeamNadiya
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 21:20, Reply)
Anyway, never mind that.
Whatever bollocks is on BBC One right now is making me want to stab people.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 21:26, Reply)
Al Capony

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 20:30, Reply)
no reason
i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2014/12/18/2422D36C00000578-2878840-Webb_s_locks_are_transformed_into_an_octopus_attacking_him_with_-a-20_1418912541805.jpg
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 21:10, Reply)
i'm going to be home late, looks like this meeting is going to keep me in the office for a bit
go ahead and have dinner without me, i'll pick something up on the way home
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:42, Reply)
It wouldn't be the same, I'll wait

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:47, Reply)
you're such a sweetheart
i'm bringing a bottle of scotch home for you xxx
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:04, Reply)
A real one this time or another 1/4 bottle filled with cold tea

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:38, Reply)
again?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:51, Reply)
probably off knockin' boots with Jean from accounts

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:04, Reply)
Oh good. Weepy McBloobloo has blundered into the only surviving part of the website with his banspoon.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:52, Reply)
So it's a guy...

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:53, Reply)
It can't survive you and grrry moaning all day, it's you or him

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:56, Reply)
poor unlimited accounts
you will never experience Annual Two Hats appreciation day
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:05, Reply)
i must've missed doveston appreciation day

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:07, Reply)
Who's ears would you wank over?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:08, Reply)
or it could be other facial features

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:10, Reply)
agreed
but the features MUST be facial. We need to draw the line somewhere, and I think it should be from the neck up.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:10, Reply)
"Wanking over the nape of her neck"

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:13, Reply)
I won't lie, I like a nice nape

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:14, Reply)
everyday's The Doveston appreciation day

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:08, Reply)
going faster than a rollercation day

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:09, Reply)
I appreciate this Buddy Holly joke
you don't get so many of them nowadays
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:22, Reply)
It's not all that topical, I grant you
but I appreciate the praise, thank you
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:25, Reply)
everyone's into the shadows and all those beat groups now

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:26, Reply)
Cliff Richard's a bit too 'crash bang wallop' for my liking

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:27, Reply)
Not a caring lover then

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:22, Reply)
He's certainly not as "christian" as he would have you believe

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:48, Reply)
He failed to turn the other cheek?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:55, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:58, Reply)

thing one
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:55, Reply)
But I've made your favourite...

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 16:01, Reply)
McDonalds/burger king crossover possible?
time.com/4011090/burger-king-mcdonalds/
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:41, Reply)
The Big King, then
www.burgerking.co.uk/menu-item/big-king-sandwich
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:50, Reply)
I like them, as a treat

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:55, Reply)
Oh you couldn't have it every day
It's too special
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:56, Reply)
If you have a diet drink you can have it every day

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:03, Reply)
I haven't seen any fat acceptance or health at every size people here.
I would enjoy the fallout.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:57, Reply)
Fat people are disgusting that's why

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:08, Reply)

41.media.tumblr.com/7da5a8087fe39410260ec5918ad62229/tumblr_nto31irOW41qgy822o1_1280.jpg
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:14, Reply)
Yes but to help people have wars.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:56, Reply)
Ah, food for spite
Delicious
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:57, Reply)
Don't worry, I'll cheer you up by telling you all about the lovely holiday to Rome I've booked for next week.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 18:16, Reply)
New thread.
No white goods chat in this one, please.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:48, Reply)
Bit racist, m8
I bought an 8 string guitar. It's fucking mental.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:50, Reply)
woah
what are the extra two strings?
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:52, Reply)
Either they're bass strings, finally rendering bass players redundant,
or he's bought a busted twelve string.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:53, Reply)
I thought Jack White had already rendered bass players redundant when he invented the white stripes?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:55, Reply)
I think Geezer Butler might have something to say about that.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:13, Reply)
look at the frets on this!
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Eight_String_Acoustic_Guitar_by_Patrick_Hawley.jpg
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:56, Reply)
That looks wrong.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:59, Reply)
Fanned frets
There's a whole load of science behind why they're a great idea. There is, however, a good couple of hundred years of straight fretted guitars that have done just fine, thank you very much,.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:03, Reply)
bloody hell
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNcJ91bRamI
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:17, Reply)
I think microtonal music sounds horrible
There, I said it
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:21, Reply)
that certainly does.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 17:31, Reply)
Isn't that the guitar featured in Holbein's 'The Ambassadors'?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:04, Reply)
Like MM said
www.andertons.co.uk/solid-body-electric-guitars/pid27812/cid671/jackson-js328q-dinky-8string-guitar-in-transparent-red.asp
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:01, Reply)
I always thought the whole "extra bass strings on a regular guitar" was just a running joke.
Does it actually work? If so, will you be fitting a drum to your back and cymbals to your knees?
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:16, Reply)
It really does
There are a few guitarists out there really making it work. Tosin Abasi (whether or not you like his music) really makes use of all the strings.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:38, Reply)
wow that guy's a bit intense

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:45, Reply)
do you need 7 fingers to play it?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:54, Reply)
You don't *need* them
but it does make it easier
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:04, Reply)
how many do you have?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:05, Reply)
Fingers?
2 on the left, 9 on the right.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:09, Reply)
seems the wrong way round for playing the guitar,
unless you play left handed
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:17, Reply)
Pretty good for honky tonk piano.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:27, Reply)
I believe you and I have minority ethnic fridges.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:54, Reply)
solidarity brother

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:04, Reply)
Some of my best white goods are brown.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:56, Reply)
I'm just saying there should be a utility room for the white goods
and another one for all the other colours
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:04, Reply)
I just feel sorry for people with washing machines and freezers in their kitchen.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:14, Reply)
To be fair, you seem to look down on everyone.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:17, Reply)
I wouldn't have to if you made a bit of effort not to be so far beneath me.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:24, Reply)
My washing machine and freezer are in the same room
but not the same one as where I prepare food. I mean, I'm not a savage.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:39, Reply)
I'm quite liking the Google Tango project.
Although it is disappointingly lacking in fat orange men.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:56, Reply)
Fanta is better

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:02, Reply)
Orange pop is for fat birds and children.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:28, Reply)
Could you have another rant about how McDonald's isn't a treat, I still chuckle over that one grrry

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:39, Reply)
I'm sure it's a treat for plebs who've never tasted decent food.
Like a stick and a hoop is a great toy for poor Africans who've never seen a Nintendo.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:45, Reply)
Finally the mods are taking my gaz srs, ban hammer...

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:46, Reply)
I'm struggling to imagine any better use scenarios than augmented reality games.
I do hope someone can do better than that.

Fit a couple of cameras to an Oculus Rift, and you could walk around your house without ever leaving your house!. Truly groundbreaking stuff.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:05, Reply)
Cosmograph chat?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:58, Reply)
I used to enjoy You And Me.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:01, Reply)
I can change :'(

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:02, Reply)
Never change, mongy.
You were always too good for me.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:08, Reply)
And never good enough for the rest of us.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:26, Reply)
hahaha yeah good one grrry

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 15:37, Reply)
afternoon

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:22, Reply)
yeah
just had a freezer delivered
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:23, Reply)
Is this a sex thing?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:25, Reply)
Isn't everything?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:28, Reply)
I certainly hope so
what kind of fetish site forum would this be otherwise?
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:30, Reply)
Omg I'm getting a new freezer delivered soon! We're like white goods twins omg!

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:27, Reply)
white goods supremacists
congrats on reaching 100 posts without being banned
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:29, Reply)
We should have a party.
I'll bring the babycham and mushrooms.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:43, Reply)
( those are the nicknames of my kids)

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:43, Reply)
could be worse
Two Hats calls his kids vegetables, apparently
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:49, Reply)
I do, but this is a total coincidence

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:52, Reply)
my fridge is silver and grey, m8

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:30, Reply)
like your pubes, old man

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:36, Reply)
also capable of keeping vegetables fresh for a number of days

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:37, Reply)
This is the second freezer that lives in the larder.
But I'm glad you're happy with your 90s style fridge.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:42, Reply)
It's a double door job
If it was white, it'd look like a fucking caravan
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:55, Reply)
You are mum looks like a fucking caravan.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:02, Reply)
if you see Two Hats' mum rockin' don't come a'knockin'

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:05, Reply)

jelly.b3ta.com/talk/7838155
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:11, Reply)
Dunno. That vegetable marrow I popped up her the other night is smelling a bit ripe.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:37, Reply)
I had a new washing machine delivered yesterday

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:42, Reply)
Amica?
Yes, I am quite fond of it
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:49, Reply)
just drew two mario style clouds on a wall
Who else has done something extremely worthwhile today?
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:25, Reply)
I haven't had any white goods delivered recently, nor am I expecting any anytime soon

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:51, Reply)
You can have some of mine, I ordered too much

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:26, Reply)
I need to replace the water filter on my fridge.
Probably doesn't justify buying a new fridge, though.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 14:47, Reply)
STOP THE PRESS
www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-33994960

WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:00, Reply)
everyone

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:01, Reply)
In many ways, you're right
What did we do to stop it?
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:05, Reply)
we pray

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:06, Reply)

we pr eat h
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:11, Reply)

pray neigh
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:40, Reply)
That's proper glasscock, 2Hats.
You ought to be ashamed.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:02, Reply)
Is it??
It only happened 6 days ago! Blimey, the world moves so quickly these days.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:05, Reply)
there's been at least three other sexual assaults on horses since then

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:06, Reply)
four m8

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:07, Reply)
Jesus
I'm WAY out of the loop
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:10, Reply)
THANKS google alerts

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:11, Reply)
in fairness you're the first people I've told

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:15, Reply)
haha
I bet it feels better getting it out in the open
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:17, Reply)
God made me who I am

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:30, Reply)
yeah yeah we did all that Quantum stuff yesterday

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:00, Reply)
hold on, weve only got the horses word that they were assaulted, and the first horse apparently had a history of self harm

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:08, Reply)
they do lie

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:09, Reply)
it had also been drinking and flirting all night and was dressed provocatively

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:13, Reply)
going out with bare legs
and in those shoes
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:20, Reply)
One horses rub down is another horses stabbed and sexually assaulted

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:41, Reply)
You were dead, I think, so I guess I can't really hold it against you.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:06, Reply)
That's no excuse, MM

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:11, Reply)
I am glad that you've recovered,
but buck your ideas up, yeah?
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:15, Reply)
Hitting the ground running, Sir

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:17, Reply)
a 23 year old pony? at what age do they become a horse then..

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:03, Reply)
Sounds like it died a horse,
if you know what I mean.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:04, Reply)
christ

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:05, Reply)
Don't let the long hair and beard fool you.
I can't actually perform miracles.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:12, Reply)
I can turn water into wine
provided you don't mind wine tasting of piss
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:18, Reply)
I don't think you really understand how horses work.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:32, Reply)

www.shemovedtotexas.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/bad-push-button.png
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:37, Reply)
well no, i'm not a chubby bird , soz

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:44, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/25872
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:05, Reply)
Blimey, that'll be a quiet affair
Thanks tho hun x
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:06, Reply)
And thanks for the dirty picture too
Just waiting for the missus to go out, then I'm going to have at it.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:13, Reply)
Thread in a Babylon

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:07, Reply)
I had a dream with you in it last night
You were much shorter than I expected.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:12, Reply)
that's just what he wants you to think

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:14, Reply)
ah, the element of surprise, eh?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:18, Reply)
bit gay

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:16, Reply)
Woah, I mentioned nothing sexual
Says more about YOU, m8
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:18, Reply)
I had a dream about bumming my dad, once.
I shudder to think what that means.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:18, Reply)
payback

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:21, Reply)
it probably means that you aspire to greater things in the workplace
and want to have sex with your dad
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:22, Reply)

to think what that means in anticipation
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:25, Reply)
This needs to be Popular Paged for all time.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:48, Reply)
it certainly needs to be his most popular post
only needs 2 more clicks

/edit: done.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:50, Reply)
What sort of stats do your mod tools give you access to, manolith?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:06, Reply)
not much of any use
i can see how many clicks a post has, how many ignores an account has and i can see how many times someone has been banned and the reasons given

oh, i can see whether accounts have the same password and signup ip and a couple of other bits. nothing major.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:09, Reply)
how are we supposed to set up a targeted marketing campaign to boost the viewers
with shit analytics like that?
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:25, Reply)
Facebook is showing me adverts for moogs.
I've never mentioned moogs. I'm not even sure what a moog does. The Internet was written by morons.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:47, Reply)
it's actually pronounced 'moog'

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:56, Reply)
Rhymes with 'scone'.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:13, Reply)
I thought moog was that idiot dog from Willo the Wisp

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:04, Reply)
Didn't we do Peter Kay childhood telly reminiscences yesterday?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:12, Reply)
I wasn't around for that bit

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:16, Reply)
Wendy/Walter Carlos used a Moog
Have you been searching for transvestites?
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 13:13, Reply)
Yeah, you'd think someone called 'Richard McBeef' would be packing eight inches, minimum.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:33, Reply)
cm m8

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:48, Reply)
:((

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:35, Reply)
Makes for easier docking.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:41, Reply)
Command & Conquer: Thread Alert

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:13, Reply)
Three Colours Thread

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:17, Reply)
Fucking hell Two Hats
the original time we talked about this is still on the Popular page.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:14, Reply)
I'm not clicking anything 2can's posted
probably a virus. That he doesn't know the proper name of.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:21, Reply)
I bet he's prescribed Lemsip to treat a nasty case of bongobongoitis

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:24, Reply)
bongo tits

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:51, Reply)

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/02/46/db/0246db42cf5bd6d72e9dcefd5562292b.jpg
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:52, Reply)
think they're congas not bongos soz

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:53, Reply)
why don't you piss off to congacongaland if you love it so much

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:05, Reply)
turned down for a visa :(

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:07, Reply)
Mastercard won't touch you either

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:09, Reply)
haha cards!

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:16, Reply)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citro%C3%ABn_Visa?
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:12, Reply)
haha cars!

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:16, Reply)
There's one for every occasion!

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:25, Reply)
impressive

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:10, Reply)
I don't know what to do with this

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:15, Reply)
when the time is right you will know what to do

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:18, Reply)
i once went to see stand up comedian paul foot at the fat fox with baldmonkey and wife
stand up comedian paul foot did a routine about molesting a horse while baldmonkey watched him through binoculars from about 8 feet away
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:15, Reply)
Perhaps he was checking for facial ticks

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:19, Reply)
you mean you've actually seen baldmonkey and paul foot in the same room together?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:20, Reply)
indeed

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:30, Reply)
you mean you've actually paid money to see Paul Foot?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:24, Reply)
it was free, thank god

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:30, Reply)
You mean binoculars are a real thing?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:27, Reply)
when i was growing up, they were known as 'big knockers'

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:31, Reply)
I had to Google to find out who that is.
From what I've seen of him on the telly, he's not as funny as some people claim (although I get the feeling that pure standup is his preferred medium).
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:27, Reply)
he was alright
it was quite distracting sitting next to bm and his inexplicably attractive wife
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:32, Reply)
baldmonkey is married?
Now I know you're making this up.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:34, Reply)
baldmonkey has some children that he made himself

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:38, Reply)
+ out of bits from a dismantled washing machine

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:44, Reply)
If every I doubted the absence of God from this universe,
I now have proof.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:28, Reply)
sounds like the Sunny episode where Dee dates a retarded person

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:29, Reply)
this has more relevance to my life than you realise

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:40, Reply)
hahahahaha

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:45, Reply)
i thought you'd enjoy that

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 11:51, Reply)
Upset
www.b3ta.com/links/Was_this_bloke_a_talker
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:19, Reply)
there are a few blokes on here who really do cling on to an us-vs-them attitude
despite Rob demonstrating that it just doesn't work.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:26, Reply)
*cricket applause*

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:53, Reply)
Between being upset with /talk, and pinching links from Failblog
they don't really have a lot going on, bless them
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:53, Reply)
Horrible already confessed
www.b3ta.com/talk/7837026
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:23, Reply)
I had to complete a registration form for the webinar this afternoon and I had to list any dietary requirements.
I'm now worried that a webinar isn't what I think it is. Is it what I think it is?
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:25, Reply)
It's about GP lunch breaks

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:26, Reply)
it's a conference about spiders

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:30, Reply)
fuck that then
unless it's about how to obliterate them
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:35, Reply)
They don't want to upset you with pictures of peanut butter.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 12:43, Reply)
Another thread.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:14, Reply)
well whaddya know!

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:16, Reply)
Bit needy.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:18, Reply)
Made you look, made you stare!

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:22, Reply)
I want to hear more about this Bishop's Finger

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:25, Reply)
Made my dad shit the bed.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:26, Reply)
nice

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:28, Reply)
he's not even a real bishop he just found that hat

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:27, Reply)
the pope did that

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:28, Reply)
I LIKE THE POPE COZ THE POPE SMOKES DOPE
There
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:32, Reply)

i.imgur.com/m3FqUQY.gif
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:38, Reply)
That guy's got it all figured out
Love it
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:39, Reply)
There are two bishops in bed. Which one wears the nightie?
Mrs Bishop, of course!
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:27, Reply)
oh hahaha
because Mr. Bishop is stark bollock naked ready to roger the anus of Mrs. Bishop
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:29, Reply)
yes that's exactly what I was getting at with that joke
in an unrelated matter, I have some business to attend to. Excuse me.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:31, Reply)

ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2015-03/4/10/imagebuzz/webdr02/anigif_optimized-22947-1425484386-6.gif
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:35, Reply)
that's his orgasm face

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:36, Reply)
Blimey, imagine that bearing down on you

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:40, Reply)
phwoar

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:41, Reply)
like a meat wagon rolling out of control down a hill

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:45, Reply)

nonamemovieblog.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/alien3-bishop.png
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:41, Reply)
same thread

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:27, Reply)
Right Said Thread

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:27, Reply)
both of us together
one each end, steady as we go
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:36, Reply)
Disgusting

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:38, Reply)

du du du du du
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:30, Reply)
you can't slip into stockings,
Paul McCartney obviously never tried putting stockings on in his life, should have done more research, just made himself look silly now
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:35, Reply)
Not with those hairy bow legs.
You fucking orangutan.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:39, Reply)
here comes the expert to tell us all how it's done

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:42, Reply)
I just draw a seam down the back of my legs with a sharpie.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:44, Reply)

image.glamourdaze.com/2013/01/1940s-stocking-makeup.jpg
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:45, Reply)
wow i wonder why you can't get that anymore

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:52, Reply)
It's been re-branded as Copydex.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:54, Reply)
drop dead thread

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:39, Reply)
Threaddie Mercury

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:41, Reply)
Thread Talbot

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:47, Reply)
My grandad crashed a Sunbeam Talbot in 1953

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:52, Reply)
Thread West

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:47, Reply)
Natty Thread

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:49, Reply)
I Can't Believe It's Not Schmutter!

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:59, Reply)
Minor Thread

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:55, Reply)
Thread Dawn

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:56, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 7:12, Reply)
alright

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 7:24, Reply)
yer, you?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 7:32, Reply)
I had to come to work early to talk to forrins.
Dunno why they can't all work uk hours, the savages.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 7:55, Reply)
depends on how foreign they are
you don't want them coming over there, taking your time zones
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:02, Reply)
Stinking out the place with their spicy clocks and staying up all hours of the night and/or afternoon playing music with odd time signatures.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:08, Reply)
The embassy yesterday had the local time an hour slow
but I'm quite proud of their attempts to shoehorn Warsaw into GMT, like an odd chronometric colony
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:14, Reply)
I quite like that the hubs for the chunnel are little foreign territories
so the frogs have built a pleasant little aire de service in Folkestone and the English have built a cross between a provincial shopping centre and a prison camp in Calais.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:20, Reply)
hold on, woah, back the fuck up there
The French. Have built. On Kentish soil? The French?

I made the right decision by emigrating.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:22, Reply)
No wonder it's no longer considered to be 'the garden of England'

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:29, Reply)
I think the Garden of England is now Kenya and Peru.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:30, Reply)
No, it's still the garden
but rather than those lovely old Victorian gardens which were faux-ancient brickwork covered in towering hollyhocks and rambling honeysuckle, it's now an overgrown weed-infested cemetery of dead washing machines and used tyres dumped behind a council house terrace.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:35, Reply)
I believe that Rye is now considered to be the 'dirty mattress of the south east'

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:41, Reply)
Rye is fucking ace
They do 'Captain Pugwash Walking Tours'

Not sure what they entail but I approve nevertheless.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:45, Reply)
Blackgang Chine on the Isle of Wight had talking rubbish bins
that's better than a captain pugwash tour.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:46, Reply)
Has it still got those shit plastic dinosaurs?
I do hope so.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:47, Reply)
dunno if it's "still"
I last went there in 1992.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:48, Reply)
I've been reliably informed that the 'Mouth of Hell'
still smells of wee
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:51, Reply)

Hell Ports
wee shit
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:52, Reply)
well obvs

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:55, Reply)
I don't think I've ever been to Kent except on my way to the continent.
It looks like commuter villages and pikeys.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:47, Reply)
loads of great lakes

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:52, Reply)
Dunno if flooded gravel quarries full of farmed carp really qualify as "lakes".
But I suppose you have to make do with what's available.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:56, Reply)
are you going to fuck off back to /ot soon i'm not sure this site can put up with you and grrry up beat attitude to life this early in the morning every fucking day, day in day out, relentless moaning about everything

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:02, Reply)
Think I'm back for a bit.
I've missed your joy and charm.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:08, Reply)
are you under manolith's protection on /talk?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:09, Reply)
i'll have to try gazzing a different mod

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:15, Reply)
good point, i should really be getting some dollar for this

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:32, Reply)
Well, if you only go there along popular transit routes
of course it's going to resemble soulless deadend towns filled with drones endlessly plodding back and forth being nondescript offices and identikit residential units.

But there are at least three pubs and probably a shop and a restaurant that are worth visiting.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:56, Reply)
Easy now. There's at least one of those plodding drones on here.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:58, Reply)
Are you really a photocopier salesman?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:59, Reply)
No. I'm afraid that's a fantasy of one of the commuter drones.
I don't think I've seen a photocopier since the 1990s.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:01, Reply)
Napoleon has finally won.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:30, Reply)
There was a hilarious 3-part doc on Napoleon on the BBC recently
The chap presenting it claimed that Napoleon was the living embodiment of the ideals of Republican France...whilst telling us how he made himself emperor and appointed his brothers as kings. Right you are, textbook revolutionary republicanism MADE FLESH.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:47, Reply)
I'm still cross about this

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:48, Reply)
^ writes Robespierre fanfic

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:50, Reply)
*shrugs*
It's a living
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:51, Reply)
See ... I'd struggle to think of a single successful revolutionary leader who didn't become a menkle despot as soon as he'd deposed the incumbent.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:51, Reply)
It's almost like people are all cunts given the chance, or something

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:53, Reply)
I wouldn't go mental
I'd be brilliant
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:56, Reply)
If you promise to flay Ian Duncan Smith then I'm in.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:57, Reply)
I stay out of his shit, he stays out of mine

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:06, Reply)
someone i know works as a statistician for the uk government
and they refer to him as 'iain dodgy sums', the wags
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:36, Reply)
what a wacky bunch they are

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:56, Reply)
Lech Walesa didn't become a despot
But then again, he looks like Super Mario so he's obvs the good guy.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:57, Reply)
Fair point.
But for every Walesa there are three Maos Cromwells and Idi Amins.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:59, Reply)
Right next door there's Lukashenko
and he's got the Mario moustache but also a combover, so he's clearly a baddie.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:04, Reply)
The ex Soviets are second only to the Indians in none self-conscious moustache wearing.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:07, Reply)
more like SEX soviets, right?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:09, Reply)
tbf I wouldn't mind replacing Shepherd Neame with a brandy distillery.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:48, Reply)
^^^^

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:48, Reply)
I'll thank you to leave Shepherd Neame alone.
Bloody lager drinkers.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:33, Reply)
I haven't touched lager in years
I just don't think Shepherd Neame's that good.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:42, Reply)
Some of their beers are very good, others not so.
Overall, I'd say they were worth keeping.

When I lived in Leeds, there was one of their pubs at the end of our road - rubbish food, but it was a proper pub and the beer was always well kept (the Late Red and Early Bird were always a treat, but they always seemed to put them on at the wrong time of the year). As a bonus, the barman could have passed for Daffyd Thomas.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:50, Reply)
I don't like Spitfire at all
but I'm quite partial to Bishop's Finger and 1698. Imagine that!
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:57, Reply)
"I'm quite partial to Bishop's Finger"
disgusting
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:10, Reply)
I regret nothing

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:12, Reply)
grrry

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 7:29, Reply)
dozzers

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 7:32, Reply)
Hullo

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:27, Reply)
Nullo moar like.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:31, Reply)
true enough

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:29, Reply)
awright geeze

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:33, Reply)
yeah wicked mate, safe as
you good?
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:36, Reply)
you knows it

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:22, Reply)
You stupid fucking cunt

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:34, Reply)
^upset

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:36, Reply)
^blows goats. I have proof.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:39, Reply)
^dresses as a goat on the weekend^

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:46, Reply)
^is a goat

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:50, Reply)
^goat slasher

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:51, Reply)
meeeeeeeeh!

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:52, Reply)
where's goatworrier, eh?
why isn't anybody else asking the real questions
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:31, Reply)
He's probably living in Surrey with a wife and three kids.
Kids ... geddit? Kids.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:37, Reply)
like a goat!

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:46, Reply)
yeah, I'd like a goat

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:47, Reply)

you're welcome
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:59, Reply)

i.imgur.com/rug39QK.gif
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:03, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0LYbP3uwNU
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:07, Reply)
i don't know why the monkey got top billing, the goat is clearly doing all the work

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:12, Reply)
it's all politics

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:12, Reply)

i.imgur.com/1yX7MEL.gif
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:11, Reply)
was it accused of being a pimp?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:13, Reply)
certainly seems that way

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:37, Reply)
not even a horse slasher, someone's got a grump on.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:37, Reply)
It's Wednesday

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:39, Reply)
is that your day of abstinence in the world of horse slashing?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:45, Reply)
It's a minefield of uncertainty

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:51, Reply)
Yeah so what?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:41, Reply)
so rise with the sun and let its gentle rays caress your face as you take on new challenges and see new wonders
fuck's sake, it's not rocket science
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:46, Reply)
I think I'll fuck a horse instead, if it's all the same with you

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:48, Reply)
Richard, it's Wednesday!

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:52, Reply)
I will not be bound by your petty rules

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:53, Reply)
Wednesday is the day of Woden, who is very similar to Odin
and Odin had an eight-legged horse, so if you're going to fuck a horse then it would only be right and honorable to have a threesome with two horses for the full Odin-inspired festivity.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:58, Reply)
a bit of Sleipnir and tickle, one might say

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:40, Reply)
make an equine centipede

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:00, Reply)
yeah hi

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 8:46, Reply)
Rapunzel!

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:02, Reply)
aw you're not going to try to climb my hair again, are you?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:08, Reply)
I'd have to climb out of Manolith's beard first.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:15, Reply)
i hope you enjoyed the crumbs from my breakfast

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:00, Reply)
Mmmmm. Eggy.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:12, Reply)
+ cup

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 10:13, Reply)
poo poo bum bum

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:06, Reply)
woah there Poindexter, save your uppity hoity-toity science waffle for physics class, yeah?

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:18, Reply)
Mornings are ideological

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:19, Reply)
I do honestly believe that if you want to experience a morning, you have to get up off your arse and go out and get it
and that the main reason most people don't get mornings is because they're simply too damn lazy to get out of bed for it.

Call me ideological, but the only reason immigrants are coming over here and getting their mornings an hour earlier than they ought to is because our own people have simply grown lazy, and think that getting up before noon is beneath them.
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:24, Reply)
This is quite the morning thread.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:35, Reply)
Best one today

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:37, Reply)
^ high praise, indeed.

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:44, Reply)
hopefully mgt will turn up soon and i'll shrug it off and go back to bed

(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:42, Reply)
surprised it's lasted this long
I expect another thread will turn up soon though
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 9:59, Reply)
BUMHOLES

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 17:50, Reply)
At last a sensible thread

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 17:51, Reply)
are bumholes ideological?

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:34, Reply)
Don't you fucking start

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 20:48, Reply)
U.S. stocks down at closing again

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 21:45, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVoPG9HtYF8
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 21:47, Reply)
Taught me everything I know about anatomy.
Well, that and this one: www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_D-kBCmUew
(, Wed 26 Aug 2015, 0:28, Reply)
horses bumholes I'll bet

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 17:54, Reply)

bet violate, for a change
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:33, Reply)
I think quantum leap was a good show, what other good shows were there?

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 17:56, Reply)
Deep Space 9,
got the first two series of that from the second hand shop the other day.
Points to note:
1. Dr Bashir is a complete twat
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 17:58, Reply)
Yeah and the whole boring Bajoran religion stories are shit.
It gets good when they get the defiant.
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:13, Reply)
haven't got to any of those yet,
"Babel" was quite a good one, everyone started talking nonsense, it was played just a bit too straight though imho
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:16, Reply)
every episode kind of has the same plot though,
which is basically turning your house upside down looking for something only for it to turn up quite obviously in the middle of the dining room table
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:18, Reply)
you're not really selling this programme

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:30, Reply)
it's the Odo/Quark dynamic that really makes it, i think

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:32, Reply)
righto

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:32, Reply)
I bet you don't even like Next Gen you prick

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:34, Reply)
i never really liked Next Gen tbh,
cardboard characters, no plot arc, and far too much liberal preaching
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:37, Reply)
wow all these space soap operas have given you psychic powers!

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:49, Reply)
You should watch Dark Matter and Killjoys.

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:02, Reply)
I'd rather rub camel shit into my eyes

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:06, Reply)
you can do both!

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:10, Reply)
what a night I have ahead of me

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:13, Reply)
It's good for rehydration

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:10, Reply)
Daley Thompson's Celebrity Wankathon

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:13, Reply)
Playing Daley Thompsons Decathlon in the 80's really built up my wanking muscles

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:20, Reply)
Ainsley's Bumrape Blitzkrieg was good

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:30, Reply)
Babylon 5 was pretty good

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:19, Reply)
from 2nd series onwards, anyway,
1st series was kind of dull, "Newsnight in Space" my brother used to call it.
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:23, Reply)
no

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:29, Reply)
it was abysmal ffs

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:28, Reply)
good theme tune though

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:29, Reply)
Grange Hill's was better
I have a 'fascinating' fact about that tune
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:32, Reply)
the original "Chicken Man" track?
what is your fact?
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:34, Reply)
ok I've two really
1. Alan Hawkshaw frequently used a popular device when writing theme tunes, by 'saying' the name of the programme in the tune. Classic example being The Sweeney which 'sings' 'The Sweeney, The Sweeney' etc. This he also did with Chicken Man as it was originally the theme for Give Us a Clue. AMAZING
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:45, Reply)
the theme tune to Some Mothers Do 'Ave Em
spells out the name of the show in morse code
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:46, Reply)
doesn't Inspector Morse's do something similar?

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:50, Reply)
but less subtly.

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:51, Reply)
as in,
it literally just had some morse code in it
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:57, Reply)
I'll be the first to admit that it lacked the understated sophistication of 'The Family Ness'

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:59, Reply)
we're talking about Some Mothers Do 'Ave Em

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:01, Reply)
Oo Betty!

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:02, Reply)
#cat #whoopsy

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:07, Reply)
2. Hawkshaw was anonymously the man behind The Mohawks whose 'The Champ' is
a) a record heavily sampled in hip hop and
b) one of the best records of all time in my expert opinion
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:48, Reply)
Oh yeah MC Hammer - "Pump It Up"

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:24, Reply)
Please share it Richard PLEEEEAAAASSSEEE

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:34, Reply)
get fucked, space prick

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:55, Reply)
family ness had the best theme tune and I will stab anyone who says otherwise.

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:45, Reply)
it's up there with the greats

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:46, Reply)
You might want to rephrase that, it sounded worryingly like you were saying it's not the greatest and I am a man of my word.

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:49, Reply)
it's up there with them,
and also, the best one out of them
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:51, Reply)
good

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:52, Reply)
bollocks m8
Jamie and the Magic Torch had a Who-style rocker as the theme not some bent scotch bollocks
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:54, Reply)
*hides under table*

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:56, Reply)
You'd better hope I don't find out where you live
Or I'm coming round with my KA-BAR.
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:57, Reply)
It's 7 inches long and will fuck you up good.

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:00, Reply)
my Scottish pal told me a joke once which you really do need to hear in his 'Gorbals Brogue' to fully appreciate but here it is anyway:
Whatsh shix inchesh long an' shtarts wuth a P?'
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:06, Reply)
i don't get it...

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:06, Reply)
you're supposed to say 'I don't know'

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:08, Reply)
a: A JOABBEH!!!!

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:09, Reply)
penish

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:10, Reply)
OY, PENISH

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:23, Reply)
if you insist on promoting scottish theme tunes
at least have the sense to namecheck Supergran ffs
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:01, Reply)
Yes except I'm talking about good scottish theme tunes, like Jimbo.
Fuck, I thought the supergran theme tune was sung by Chaz and Dave. For some reason in my childhood memories it's sung as a whining cockney duet.
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:08, Reply)
Alias the Jester had a great theme tune
They probably never showed that in dickhead land where you were clearly raised
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:10, Reply)
that was on ITV,
i only got to see that when i went round poor people's houses
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:13, Reply)
my mother told me we 'couldn't get ITV' on our television.
I believed this until I was about 6, having spent my first school years pretending to have seen 'The Incredible Hulk'etc
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:17, Reply)
Mr Rossi had the best theme, it was exotic

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:17, Reply)
it was quality
Up there with the frankly insane 'Ludwig'
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:19, Reply)
Ludwig was ace.

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 20:22, Reply)
that whole title sequence is a work of art

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:20, Reply)
mr rossi! how could i forget! brilliant stuff.
also: wattoo wattoo superbird rings a vague bell...
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:22, Reply)
Always saving those zwars,
or whatever they were.
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 20:23, Reply)
Bit before my time that.
And yet a bit after yours surely mongy.
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:26, Reply)
surprise:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFFB_gQu46E
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:32, Reply)
Oh hahaha

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:35, Reply)
In fact in my head they did most of the tv themes in the 80s and 90s.
They did do bangers and mash though didn't they?
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:19, Reply)
they did crackerjack,
don't know about anything else
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:21, Reply)
my father used to call Stu Francis 'that simpering berk'
He had a point
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:23, Reply)
Correct.

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:01, Reply)
don't like the who
jamie and the magic torch is an awesome tune, though, up there with rhubarb and custard. henry's cat has the bestest lyrics, mind.
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:05, Reply)
Chorlton and the Wheelies was a cracker too

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:12, Reply)
jamie and the magic torch DID have a good theme.

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:17, Reply)
Apology accepted

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:20, Reply)
I hope you have life insurance

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:31, Reply)
oh yeah what're you going to do?
Send fucking Jimbo round to sort me out?
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:37, Reply)
willo the wisp

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:23, Reply)
shit there's a remake of that now,
they've proper mutilated the theme tune though, and Evil Edna got upgraded to a flatscreen, kids today
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:24, Reply)
fuck that

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:34, Reply)
fuck it sideways with a rake,
it's an absolute travesty
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:35, Reply)
dirty fucking pricks

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:37, Reply)
bent wank

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:01, Reply)
Towie

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:41, Reply)
suck todgers in the 25th cuntury

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:43, Reply)
I liked that episode of stargate sg1 where they opened a gate to some planet near a black hole

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 20:35, Reply)
you said it

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:12, Reply)
They are not even discussing bumholes itt, just telly, sad times

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:42, Reply)
What TV stars bumhole would you like to see?

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:47, Reply)
Loyd Grossman
Or whoever it is who does through the bumhole now.
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 18:50, Reply)
Sarah harding

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:09, Reply)
Brian Cant

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:18, Reply)
Dave Benson Phillips

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 19:22, Reply)
edd the duck

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 21:16, Reply)
^gay for andy peters hand.

(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 21:20, Reply)
Cock!
I win!

See Nathan Barley did predict the future! Cook, Muff, Bumhole!
(, Tue 25 Aug 2015, 23:09, Reply)

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