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Good evening.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:35, Reply)
I was sexually abused by Bill Clinton

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:38, Reply)
I sexually abused Bill Clinton.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:42, Reply)
^ cheese pizza

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:42, Reply)
Less of those reference pls

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 18:52, Reply)
fooooOOOOOOOooooood!

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 19:59, Reply)
L

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:44, Reply)
Delete this please

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:50, Reply)
Poo

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:51, Reply)
Evening all.
Haha! Like the Bobbies used to say!!
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:56, Reply)
Bit pissed off tbh
Just caught the mental slagging me off on the phone, saying i do nothing for her, I'm never there and I put my needs above hers. I know she's nuts but it still fucks me off.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:58, Reply)
You really are the worst, Smash.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 18:01, Reply)
I really am

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 18:14, Reply)
Pick axe?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 18:06, Reply)
I wouldn't dream of it
For starters, she's got no life insurance
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 18:15, Reply)
:(
My grandmother was a prick to my mum sometimes in her later years. She didn't mean it and it wasn't really 'her'. Still hurtful though
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 18:24, Reply)
I can handle it so far
But she's getting more violent and I'll need professional help with her soon
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 18:43, Reply)
I understand you can book an assassin on the dark web

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 22:12, Reply)
Yet you take no notice of non mentals telling you to sort your shit out

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 18:52, Reply)
Yeah, but they have the decency to say it to my face

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 19:36, Reply)
What up?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 18:02, Reply)

imgur.com/a/R6AZ0
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 20:15, Reply)
You clown

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 20:46, Reply)
Also, I found you a Guy Fieri retirement group.
tasty
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 20:51, Reply)
Funny old game, innit

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:09, Reply)
What, prostitution?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:10, Reply)
what, jet set willy?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:10, Reply)
i'm taking my ball and going home

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:13, Reply)
alright lance armstrong

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:58, Reply)
pff

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:21, Reply)
Lock up your grannies
Rooney's back!
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:18, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Sf6wLaFRNc
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:18, Reply)
you excited for gen 3 in pokemon go?
it means you'll finally see some mudkips
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:43, Reply)
i was not aware it was happening, when?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:46, Reply)
all i've got here is 'soon'
the files were included in the latest update but that's the way it happened last time too and it took a while to translate to them actually being in the game. i'd guess sometime in september?
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:47, Reply)
i've not even had an update

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:55, Reply)
yeah, it seems to be spreading slowly. i haven't had it but a guy in my office has

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:59, Reply)
a GAY IN YOUR ORIFICE more loike!

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:18, Reply)
haha, it is a bit like that i suppose!

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:38, Reply)

www.reddit.com/r/TheSilphRoad/comments/6v7u7c/the_silph_roads_apk_mine_of_v0710_is_complete_a/
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:18, Reply)
wow, those nerds barely speak in english

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:32, Reply)
I'm well out of my depth
tl;dr more new pokemon, I think
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:33, Reply)
Edit: thank you so much for the gold kind stranger!!!

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:33, Reply)
LPT: always thank a kind stranger for the gold

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:46, Reply)
ITT: gold

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:47, Reply)
DAE gold?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:48, Reply)
I have gold AMA

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:49, Reply)
MRW I get gold
www.evansweb.info/files/winner-1.gif
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:49, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:51, Reply)
^ winner

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:55, Reply)
Have they forgotten that it's a game?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:35, Reply)
100% yes

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:46, Reply)
Hang on, what?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:47, Reply)
Hang on THIS *points at groin*

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:54, Reply)
that's the stuff
a lot of really boring details in there though.

i had a look at the names for gen 3 'mon and there's some really dodgy stuff in there
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:38, Reply)
Saviledon
Glittar

That sort of thing?
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:46, Reply)
lol, not quite
there's silcoon and cascoon though
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:50, Reply)
not aware of this
EXCOITING TOIMES
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:14, Reply)
Depends if you are the pisser or the pissee

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:20, Reply)
haha funny
or finger-circling-ear funny?
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:26, Reply)
bitches and cash, y'all

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:38, Reply)
Heh, they played "I Walk the Line" in the bar last night.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:52, Reply)
It's a game of two halves, all we can do is go out there and give it 110%

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 14:53, Reply)
I'm not sure I know enough of the facts to make an informed decision.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:00, Reply)
Penzance is a bit rubbish.
Still, found a nice café and stuffed ourselves with nommy cakes.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:00, Reply)
Have you found mens pants?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:02, Reply)
Did you see any pirates?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:04, Reply)
Penis dance jizzer shit nub piss, more like

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:12, Reply)
Just about sums it up, yeah.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:17, Reply)
Played 'Ghost Castle' the other night
That's both funny AND old
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:34, Reply)
I loved that as a kid

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:37, Reply)
We've had to change the 'scared stiff' rule
Otherwise the game can just grind to a boring halt
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:42, Reply)
sounds sexy

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:51, Reply)
oh it is
cf.geekdo-images.com/images/pic984449_md.jpg
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:52, Reply)
^ White and White Minstrel Show

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 16:01, Reply)
is that the skull down the chimney game?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:39, Reply)
correct

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:41, Reply)
a GLOW IN THE DARK skull, no less
for when you play the game in pitch darkness, I guess.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:43, Reply)
it's more spoooOOOoooOOOoooky that way

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:47, Reply)
for when you shove it up your bum to let men know at night that you're up for some bump and grind

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:50, Reply)
Filth

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:42, Reply)
pervert

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:48, Reply)
I'd rather have a piece of toast than play that

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:53, Reply)
We also play 'Mysteries of Old Peking' occasionally
I came up with an idea to do an Ancient Rome themed rip off. But I can't be bothered. Nor do I really have the resources to complete such a project
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 16:15, Reply)
pritt stick, paper and your imagination

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 16:33, Reply)
fuck that

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 16:34, Reply)
then offshore it to some foreigner

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 16:37, Reply)
Is it naïvely racist, in the way that so many things from my childhood seem to have been?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:15, Reply)
'majoring racist' lol

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:19, Reply)
editing prick

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:20, Reply)
"majoring prick", thank you very much.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:24, Reply)
:)

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:29, Reply)
MOOP is utter fucking bullshit
The constant fortune cookie cards override any kind of progress around the board. Plus it's just Guess Who with lolracism
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:23, Reply)
^upset

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 17:30, Reply)
You've hit a nerve and no mistake

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 18:04, Reply)
so's my mum

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 15:56, Reply)
Alright you shitty cock fuckers
As it's tangles Birthday lets all say how we really feel about Tangles. I'll start.

He's a yurt prick and I hate his music.

If you don't feel you know tangles well enough to comment, please tell me how you feel about a different forum member you are close to.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:29, Reply)
He's a fucking wankstain

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:31, Reply)
True.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:33, Reply)
i have no strong feelings either way

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:33, Reply)
I can assure you that you'd probably hate his stupid face

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:35, Reply)
i'll take your word for it

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:39, Reply)
I hope he dies today, the fucking Fielden.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:35, Reply)
Death is too good for him

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:37, Reply)
gary has already stolen my birthday thunder

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:36, Reply)
I tell you what, he's probably the only person here worse than you.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:36, Reply)
I'll take that complement
and tell you to stick it up your bumbum
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:01, Reply)
he's the prettiest girl on the forum

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:37, Reply)
Mano and tanger, sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:39, Reply)
F-I-S-T-I-N-G, more like

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:40, Reply)
That's got to be pretty difficult to do in a tree, let's be honest.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:41, Reply)
amateur

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:45, Reply)
I'm happy to admit to having no particular experience in that area.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:49, Reply)
you've never been a Sooty to someone's Corbett?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:52, Reply)
Can't say I ever have, although that does sound less extreme than being the Emu to someone else's Rod Hull.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:55, Reply)
could be worse
you could be the croc to someone else's grotbags
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:02, Reply)
I try to save that for at least the third date.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:04, Reply)
"there's somebody at the door"

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:06, Reply)
\o/

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:06, Reply)
+back

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:22, Reply)
^jel

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:51, Reply)
^ intimidating and unwelcoming for a lot of lady boarders

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:42, Reply)
look, if they didn't want unsolicited dick pics, they shouldn't have been a woman on the internet

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:50, Reply)
why did I get so many?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:52, Reply)
it's the tits, m8

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:52, Reply)
oh

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:53, Reply)
it's because you dress so provocatively

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:53, Reply)
oh

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:53, Reply)
I've got to send them to someone

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:59, Reply)
they're all in different colours and sizes though

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:11, Reply)
not all the victims are the same colour

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:23, Reply)
I saw a van driver shout 'alright beautiful' at a bird earlier.
I didn't think that happened in real life these days.

She was fit though.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:01, Reply)
i still get called sparkletits occasionally
but only when i wear my sequinned jumper
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:03, Reply)
well that makes sense

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:04, Reply)
I had a meeting on the sixth floor of an office a couple of years ago.
Someone had written "WELL FIT" over the "6" in the lift. When I got out, I met the receptionist and saw that she was indeed well fit.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:05, Reply)
thank goodness that only straight men use lifts, eh

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:06, Reply)
Don't blame me, maaan: I didn't write it.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:08, Reply)
Might have been a lesbian.
Didn't think of that, did you?
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:33, Reply)
Maybe she wrote it herself.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:53, Reply)
^

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:59, Reply)
Maybe you unwittingly worked with the qotw lift sex pest.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:06, Reply)
Alright (or should that be alt-right?) Richard McBeef off the internet.
I don't feel I know Tangles well enough to comment but I do wish him a happy birthday.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:41, Reply)
seems you don't know windy either

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:43, Reply)
He was being sweary so I assumed Richard had hacked his account.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:44, Reply)
Frank got in to my account once.
It's never fit the same since.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:45, Reply)

ac o
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:49, Reply)
Don't wish him a happy birthday, he's scum and deserves to be miserable.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:46, Reply)
I'd fuck her

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:47, Reply)
I'm on my moons you'll have to settle for a blowie

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:54, Reply)
fuck that
I'm gunning it straight in
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:57, Reply)
When the blood doth flow, on the dirt track you must go.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:59, Reply)
^ connoisseur in squarting remedies

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:01, Reply)
ok but be warned I have quite a heavy flow

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:00, Reply)
The Curse of Eve, I calls it

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:00, Reply)
vegetarian

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:54, Reply)
bentarian more like!

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:58, Reply)
yes

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:59, Reply)
Vegetaribent more like

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:00, Reply)
VegetariMMMMNEURRGH I AM A GAY SPAZ AND I LOVE IT UP MY BUM-BUM FROM OTHER GAY SPAZZES

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:01, Reply)
I have difficulty forming relationships or taking in details about other people's lives, but on the plus side I did put out some good albums
lol bums
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:59, Reply)
I believe in you

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:02, Reply)
Thanks hun

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:04, Reply)
I have no opinion on this matter
but I am going to go for a poo.

I've got a free trial of a magazine app so I may read a whole edition of T3 and MCN while I'm there.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:00, Reply)
I went out for a walk, just so I could break wind
I feel significantly better
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:02, Reply)
When is your birthday ?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:03, Reply)
Tomorrow

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:04, Reply)
bad luck
no such thing as tomorrow
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:05, Reply)
Keep saying this and you'll stay young forever

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:07, Reply)
Once upon a time I was doing a poo,
Now I'm only doing a fart,
There's nothing I can do,
It's a total eclipse of the shart.

(turn around)
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:04, Reply)
By Bummie Tyler

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:06, Reply)
I love you all
And if the feeling is reciprocated, you should up there me a dirty fantasy once in a while to keep me interested otherwise I'll leave you for a younger sexier website.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:02, Reply)
I'll up there you some manolith/twohats slash fic

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:04, Reply)
Wait, is up there a thing and not the latest are we led it?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:06, Reply)
It's an odd way of saying Gaz I think.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:08, Reply)
Cor, that Violet Berlin has Gaz up there

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:11, Reply)
Can't be any worse than what we actually do

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:07, Reply)
if I had to sum up him* in one word, it would be
"ponce"

*or any of you
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:07, Reply)
I passed my exam.
2 more assessments to go.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:13, Reply)
He loves calling me out on my bullshit
but I think he's "alright"
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:07, Reply)
He told me he thinks gays are an abomination and should be eaten instead of cows and the like.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:17, Reply)
You might catch gay by eating it

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:21, Reply)
Said it to a Hindu too, he's a right piece of work

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:22, Reply)
Where does he stand on gay cows?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:23, Reply)
Easiest on the back I reckon, biggest surface area

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:27, Reply)
don't stand on cows, that's just cruel

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:29, Reply)
What about evil ones that deserve it

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:31, Reply)
let the other cows deal with it themselves

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:55, Reply)
You're all sound as the rapidly falling pound

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:20, Reply)
RIP wayne rooney

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:24, Reply)
Bananas got banned from the pitch years ago, about time for potatoes

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:30, Reply)
and nans

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:32, Reply)

www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-41019013
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:32, Reply)
Lol

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:36, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:36, Reply)
Wayne Rooney's England career has passed away. RIP u will live on forever. Cant believe it. I wanna run to u. Really cant believe this. @

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:34, Reply)
with Whitney and a few angels but not all of them

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:37, Reply)
He's my hero

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:26, Reply)
Well, I sure hope someone got fired for THAT blunder #SimpsonsGIF
www.msn.com/en-gb/lifestyle/style/oops-asdas-isle-of-wight-specialty-bags-have-a-rather-important-typo/ar-AAqzFXM?li=AAnZ9Ug&ocid=mailsignout
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:48, Reply)
white is right

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 13:59, Reply)
Well squart on a gibbon's cock, it's only a fackin' new thread, ain' it?!
Hey there, /talk, how's it going?
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:10, Reply)
gah
not great
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:11, Reply)
how so, auntie flo?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:12, Reply)
problems in my guts
pain, misery, etc. It's alright, I'll live. My temperature seems to be ok at the moment, so that's something.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:19, Reply)
It hurts to stand up, sit down, lie down, walk, stay still
needless to say, it makes me quite grumpy
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:20, Reply)
You knew the price of being a drug mule

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:40, Reply)
11p lol

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:42, Reply)
You laugh
but it was 9p when I started
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:46, Reply)
market forces m8

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:47, Reply)
SQUARTING HORSES, more like

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:21, Reply)
Morning Donny Osmond

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:41, Reply)
I really like that record

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:50, Reply)
They seemed to develop West Country accents
"I thur ayyyyyrr, yarp"
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:52, Reply)
the malign influence of JLC, once again

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:53, Reply)
Perfect pop

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:52, Reply)
Need a toaster
The mrs blew up a 3rd in 4 years yesterday.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:12, Reply)
we bought one for the office from Argos for £4.95
The slots are too small for an average slice of bread *sigh*
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:13, Reply)
There seems to be no middle ground in the toaster market
Either shitty cheap ones with wank-sized holes, or 4 slot behemoths styled in a naff 1940's car bullshit way.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:18, Reply)

www.hotukdeals.com/deals/russell-hobbs-windsor-4-slice-toasters-blackredcream-19-delivered-currys-2771359
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:07, Reply)
Thanks Martin Lewis
But I'm doing toast for 2 people, not at the breakfast buffet of a shite B&B on the sea front.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:30, Reply)
tell her to take the pop tarts out of the foil first

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:18, Reply)
Tell her you can't toast soup

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:20, Reply)
Tell her to fuck off

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:39, Reply)
tell her to wank your tits

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:43, Reply)
Standard

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:57, Reply)
I'm really happy with the dualit I bought.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:03, Reply)
POO A SHIT more like!

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:13, Reply)
Are you proud of this?
Do you think it's representative of your best work?

My scuffed to fuck awb album sounds better than I expected now I've cleaned it.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:22, Reply)
I don't really like them if I'm honest

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:27, Reply)
i've annoyed a courier and now i doubt i'll get my package
no euphemism
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:17, Reply)
I'm annoying my courier as I type this

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:20, Reply)
He'll bugger off and you'll get a courier (new).

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:21, Reply)
OK, I'm tempted to Python you for your gibbon malarkey, but it does sound convincingly piratical.
Man, I'm hungry this morning. Another hour and a quarter before I can go and stuff my face.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:18, Reply)
have a snack, titcheese

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:42, Reply)
This is the whole problem: I have nothing on which to snack, as I forgot to bring something this morning.
Oh, wait: there's an orange in my bag. Result, biatches.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:44, Reply)
It's tangles birthday you goon.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:22, Reply)
Well I hope he has a lovely fat reefer to celebrate
OH HANG ON
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:41, Reply)

www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-41015254
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:50, Reply)
he'

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:32, Reply)
Happy birthday Tangled
I love you a bit
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:48, Reply)
Disgusting

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:15, Reply)
Yeah, why don't you and Tango just go here:
www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Hotel_Review-g298031-d1123635-Reviews-Tugay_Hotel-Fethiye_Mugla_Province_Turkish_Aegean_Coast.html
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:36, Reply)
the photo,s I have added show THE FILTHY BALCONY
I bet they do
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:45, Reply)
SHOW US YER FILTHY BALCONY, LOVE

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:52, Reply)
come on m8, grow up, yeah?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:18, Reply)
Fun fact!
In France, saying that there are a lot of people on the balcony is a way of saying a girl's got big tits.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:22, Reply)
xx

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:36, Reply)
Dying
send help, and plenty of bog roll
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:30, Reply)
shove a sock up there

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:34, Reply)
I hilariously misread that and now I have a gentlemans penis stuck up my bot :(

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:45, Reply)
whoops!!!!

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:49, Reply)
Bruh, you're supposed to douche *beforehand*

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:32, Reply)
stab a half-litre bottle with an empty biro
then shove the bottle's nozzle up your anus. The screw-fit will prevent it coming out, and the biro tube acts as a handy vent to reduce pressure buildup. You can now shart into the bottle from the comfort of your own sofa while watching generic comedy movies on Netflix, instead of straining over the bog while your legs go numb.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:46, Reply)
I love how you've managed to turn having the shits into one of your bent Wilf Lunn engineering projects

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:49, Reply)
parents worry about the effect of video games, violent films and heavy metal on young kids
but no-one considered the danger of watching too much Blue Peter :(
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:55, Reply)
all's bum that ends gay

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 11:55, Reply)
Flagging today if Im honest.
Moody. Tired. coffee has given me anxiety.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:01, Reply)
it's going fackin' sideways, as usual

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:01, Reply)
Is it going Pete Tong?
I heard someone say that once. "It's all going Pete Tong!" they'd say.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:03, Reply)
Heavens above, what will they come up with next?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:04, Reply)
Oh goodness me, who can tell??

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:07, Reply)
This all sounds a bit Brian May.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:18, Reply)
Ertha Kitt more like

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:22, Reply)
That's rich coming from you
Seeing as how Canterbury you are
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:26, Reply)
(Canterbury, Kent)

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:27, Reply)
^Radio Rental

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:28, Reply)
It's all gone Benedict Wong

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 12:21, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:05, Reply)
morning grrr

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:11, Reply)
you're up early

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:14, Reply)
No I'm just here early

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:19, Reply)
you can get pills for that

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:54, Reply)
Morning
Made the mistake of washing the frying pan before cooking an egg. Damn thing stuck.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:12, Reply)
I avoid this by never doing any washing up

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:14, Reply)
Nobody else is going to do it for me

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:19, Reply)
me neither
but I'm not bothered by stacks of pans piling up in the kitchen, because I'm a revolting slob
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:26, Reply)
You are Withnail
AICMFP
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:13, Reply)
Non stick pans are an actual thing in shops ye ken.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:30, Reply)
TIL

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:46, Reply)
I was surprised to find that frying an egg in a regular pan, with cooking spray instead of oil, didn't lead to me chipping burnt egg of the pan, this morning.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:54, Reply)
I am currently contemplating another use for that pan

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:40, Reply)
Hihi the /talk

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:45, Reply)
isn't that how the Dutch laugh?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:49, Reply)
Dunno m8, last went to Holland when I was 8 or something

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:56, Reply)
G'day

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 7:59, Reply)
I'm wearing a t-shirt with a howling wolf on it
I don't even know if it's ironic or not
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:01, Reply)
Get two mates to wear the same shirt and go stand under the moon
You'll be like a real life 2008 meme
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:37, Reply)
MORTAL KOMBAT!

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:03, Reply)
i'll beat YOU up m8

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:05, Reply)
*inserts pre-moistened coin*

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:11, Reply)
I'll test YOUR might in a minute m8

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:27, Reply)
sniff it

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:10, Reply)
sniff it REAL good
doo dee doo doo do-doo
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:17, Reply)
Hey m8. Hope everything is good with you.
We're ok here, looking forward to the holiday and all that, shame about Danny but he probably ought to learn sooner or later. Anyway. Good to hear from you. Maybe see you at christmas.
Lots of love

The Team.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:17, Reply)
Dear all,
Spending time at home with fam. YOungun is sick but that means we can snuggle up with snacks and disney films so not all bad.
Love to all,

Grr
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:54, Reply)
^ got on the groovy train

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:56, Reply)
Hey pop pickers, running down the charts this week forty two years ago ago
We have Smokey at number 10 with If You Think You Know How To Love Me (great band, Smokey).
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:19, Reply)
The front door might slam, but the back door it rings

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:22, Reply)
Mine certainly does

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:24, Reply)
you old guffers listen to a right load of shit

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:55, Reply)
In my defence
this was what was in the charts as I was born, I take no responsibility for it, but my god, the 70s had some dire music, it really did.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:19, Reply)
At number 9 it's Mike Batt (yes, he of The Wombles fame) and New Edition
with Summertime City. No? I don't know it either.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:20, Reply)
Number 8 it's Barbadosqith Typically Tropical
?
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:20, Reply)
Actually, it's Barbados
isn't that a posh kind of bubble bath?
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:27, Reply)
Up from 15 to 7 it's Gladys Knight and the Pips
The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me.

Again, no idea how it goes
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:21, Reply)
Who is this creeping from 7 to 6? It's Bille Jo Spears
with Blanket On The Ground.

Title's familiar but still not ringing any bells.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:22, Reply)
At 5, sure to be a big hit, it's K.C. And The Sunshine Band with That's The Way (I Like It)
A hah!
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:22, Reply)
(oh Jesus, I have to keep going with this now)
number 4 is George McRae wtih It's Been So Long. I have no idea who this is or what the song sounds like and I don't care.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:24, Reply)
Nubmer 3, same as last week, is Roger Whittaker with The Last Farewell
oh, god, the 70s were dire weren't they?
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:24, Reply)
Fucking urgh, number 2 for the 2nd week running is Rod Stewart with Sailing

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:25, Reply)
Which means that the number 1 when I was born was The Stylistics and I Can't Give You Anything (But My Love)
we got there in the end
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:26, Reply)
is this your way of telling us it is your birthday ?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:29, Reply)
It's not my birthday TODAY
but it is this week and I'm excited about it!
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:33, Reply)
Is this your poptastic way of telling us it's your birthday?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:30, Reply)
It's this week

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:34, Reply)
HAPPY BIRTHWEEK

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:37, Reply)
Thank you very much!

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:40, Reply)
Is your wife an elephant?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:33, Reply)
This is a cold war call sign
surely?
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:35, Reply)
happy birthday, mate

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:36, Reply)
That's very kind
I'm touched.
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:41, Reply)
hopefully you kill yourself in a whimsical douglas-adams-inspired way
like being crushed under a bulldozer in your pyjamas
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:56, Reply)
Bit harsh

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:02, Reply)
Why would there be a bulldozer in his pyjamas?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:04, Reply)
aka 'doing a Rachel Corrie'.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:14, Reply)
Morning from the caravan.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:55, Reply)
I prefered Wishbone Ash myself

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:56, Reply)
FFS, you get all ratty with me
then drop some epic Prog Rockers in the thread, without any care of the consequences. You're a hippycrit
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:03, Reply)
Caravan are much better than Wishbone Ash

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:34, Reply)
I quite like Mountain
good morning everybody
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:44, Reply)

ountai e

morning!
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:57, Reply)
I thought you would've gone for
+"The
ain ie" Jaques Rougeau
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:59, Reply)
i wouldn't dare disrespect him in that way

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:12, Reply)
Mountain are great
Not entirely sure of the relevance of them to this conversation though m8 tbh
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:06, Reply)
I'm on drugs today, m8

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:09, Reply)
Also, *points at crotch* HERE's your relevance

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:10, Reply)
Fucking gypos

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 8:58, Reply)
Want me and the boys to tarmac your driveway?

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:06, Reply)
gay sex

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:07, Reply)
the police will arrive shortly and move you on

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:00, Reply)
The Police arrived in 1977, and were thus late for garidead's birthday.

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 9:31, Reply)
morning, bit of a dodgy stomach, frightened to do my morning trump in case I mcbeef

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:05, Reply)
shart, shart, let it all art m8

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:06, Reply)
It's my sharty and I'll cry if I want to

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:07, Reply)
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel
you know you make me wanna

SHART!
(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 10:25, Reply)
Hey, how is it?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:49, Reply)
A little cold, and unacceptably lumpy.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:51, Reply)
Hey now, hey now

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:54, Reply)
Mick's drunkenly listening to Dyke and the Blazers.
Yes I
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 22:40, Reply)
I'm going to wear a T-shirt with "Crowded House" written on the front of it

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 22:42, Reply)
Don't

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 22:44, Reply)
you're not even my real dad
/ac
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 22:53, Reply)
Just because I tolerate you for who you are doesn't mean I don't want you to be better.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 23:02, Reply)

1:18
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 22:00, Reply)
Big fat cocks

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 22:07, Reply)
It is what it is, mi breddah.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 22:38, Reply)
Dull and dreary

(, Wed 23 Aug 2017, 6:43, Reply)
Hullo
What's your bag, what's your thing...what's your scene?
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 18:39, Reply)
i like a bit of wine from time to time
i like /talk too, it's zany
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 18:48, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8109049
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 18:58, Reply)
Samesies

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:12, Reply)
Monkey tits

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:14, Reply)
Erry day

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:19, Reply)
dunno , soz

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:23, Reply)
Women's knickers.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:26, Reply)
practicing homosexual

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:28, Reply)
I'd say the practising has definitely paid off!!!

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:28, Reply)
practise makes poofect

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:29, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:30, Reply)
I've spent most of today in the sea.
The sea is definitely my thing, but unfortunately suncream isn't, so I'm now rather pink.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:40, Reply)
I love a swim in the sea, waves make water more likable

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:44, Reply)
Get across to Dolphin Splashdown. Proper wave pool. And flumes.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:48, Reply)
We used to go to Fantaseas in Dartford.
That place was great, but the company went bust (I think the site was deemed unsafe, too).
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:51, Reply)
Turns out dolphin was knocked down

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 20:34, Reply)
but it got up again?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 20:52, Reply)
No.:(

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:18, Reply)
They do.
We bought a bodyboard on which to ride them.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:48, Reply)
I got all ends fucked up in bali, I can swim very well, , but I'd never surfed before , but being cocky I tried , smashed myself up really good

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 20:17, Reply)
Ouch.
I knew I'd have no hope of standing up on a surf board, and body boarding looked a lot more accessible. Kids barely gave me a look in on the board, anyway, but I'm happy just floating about in the waves.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:32, Reply)
my willy goes from an outy to an inny in a cold sea :(

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 20:07, Reply)
Other way round for me

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 20:37, Reply)
your fanny comes from an inny to an outy in a hot rock?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 20:50, Reply)
Ballbags.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:47, Reply)
A nice big cock

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 20:02, Reply)
Ugh god no

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 20:42, Reply)
i like that scene in that film with the explosions and tits

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 20:52, Reply)
Tits and Guns 6: Tit Fever

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 20:57, Reply)
I don't feel well Richard.
Also, right, I said that to my old dear and, no lies said 'too much wacky backy again?'.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:31, Reply)
Drugs are bad, m'kay?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:34, Reply)
It's the booze that made me feel poorly mm

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:35, Reply)
lol, lightweight!

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:40, Reply)
A wank and a shit and a good night's sleep

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:41, Reply)
Right, that's this year's letter to Santa done

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:41, Reply)
I've already done 2 of those things

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:48, Reply)
Shit the bed?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:51, Reply)
I'd prefer not to

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 21:55, Reply)
Early afternoon threat
What has pleased you today? Anything? Something must have, you cold hearted shit.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:45, Reply)
My wife's out this evening which is shit
However this means I can have a steak (she doesn't like them) so I've got a lovely 30 day aged sirloin, asparagus, pommes dauphinoise and a hearty bottle of Stellenbosch to wash it all down. Should be jolly nice.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:53, Reply)
foooOOOOooooOOOOOooooddddDDdddd

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:53, Reply)
sounds delish!
I'll be over about 7.30
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:53, Reply)
bring your SATC box set!

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:55, Reply)
well I was hoping to bring my Schindler's List director's cut but it's drenched in spunk

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:02, Reply)
it's a real 'box of tissues' film eh

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:14, Reply)
defo

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:29, Reply)
You telling me yer wife doesn't like a nice chunk of meat in her?
Explains A LOT.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:55, Reply)
Crass, and vulgar.
Typo, I have to say - I'm disappointed.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:02, Reply)
I didn't even mention anything about your peppercorn sauce

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:04, Reply)
YOU GO TOO FAR, SIR.
TOO FAR, I SAY!
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:14, Reply)
he doesn't go too far enough, if you ask me

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:16, Reply)
That's why I didn't ask you AND NEITHER DID ANYONE ELSE

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:18, Reply)
umm, pretty sure everyone wants to know what i think about all things

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:37, Reply)
no m8 u r rong

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:42, Reply)
ok, hold on while i type up my feelings on this
it might take a while
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:46, Reply)
I can wait

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:47, Reply)
i'm sad :(

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:50, Reply)
You are the real victim here

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:55, Reply)
U got that right lol

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 18:42, Reply)
I reckon he's gone the exact correct distance

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:18, Reply)
my willy

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:54, Reply)
The rest of the people at the bus stop disagree

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:58, Reply)
I dunno, the old guy looked impressed

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:29, Reply)
that was me m8

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:42, Reply)
thank you

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:45, Reply)
no, thank *you*

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:47, Reply)
a monkey's fucking tits lol

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:09, Reply)

that is pretty lol
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:11, Reply)
"Hey, babe."

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:13, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:41, Reply)
Passed my first 2 assesments. Got 3 more to go.
It's quite nice being back at school sort of, learning. Plus I'm heading for a payrise at the end so I'm giddy.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:20, Reply)

p g
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:43, Reply)
(the p of 'payrise')

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:43, Reply)
good job you specified
there's a couple of reasons why people would have thought you meant 'gassed'
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:47, Reply)
that's true

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:48, Reply)
Well that's not very supportive

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:48, Reply)
light him, windy

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 17:02, Reply)
enter him

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 17:18, Reply)
very little

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:24, Reply)
Finishing work will fill me with joy.
Im bloody tired. Having a puppy is hard work. The little fur ball is awake from 5am every day, and if you don't get up to let her out, she does a nice big turd in the bathroom, that the smell wafts into the bedroom.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:40, Reply)
Animals are like owning very hairy children

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:46, Reply)
Hairy children who bite everything.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 17:07, Reply)
Except that eventually you don't have to clean up a child's feces anymore

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 17:10, Reply)
You don't ? ?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 17:14, Reply)
They're taking advantage of your good nature

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 17:15, Reply)
I'm sure you can train children to use a litter tray.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 17:51, Reply)
Hands off cocks, on socks! It's time for a new thread.
Last night I went to see that fillum about the life of Egon Schiele and it was overflowing with full frontal nudity. The 'lead' female character also had the most astonishingly blue eyes, but I went on teh interwebz and found out that she was wearing contact lenses. Sometimes life's just a giant rip-off.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:39, Reply)
but did you manage to find any pics of her with her tits out?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:43, Reply)
You'll have to take these cocks from my cold dead hands

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:46, Reply)
but did you manage to find any pics of her with her muff out?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:46, Reply)
Why was the female character made out of lead

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:47, Reply)
Well...
she had a plum bum!

Because in this context, 'plum' means 'of high quality'
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:48, Reply)
My inner Stephen Fry is tittering at this.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:49, Reply)
i hear he likes being in other men

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:24, Reply)
cor, fnarr, etc.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:28, Reply)
we all knew that deep down
you were a massive bender
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:25, Reply)
Your obsession with benders is revealing m8.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:28, Reply)
he's 40% bender

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:38, Reply)
not as revealing as your faux leather hotpants ma8e

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:38, Reply)
I'm starting to understand why you bought me those.
The look of satisfaction on your face when you kneel down in front of me and pull them down to get an impromptu shower of ball-sweat rivals that of Puss in Boots in Shrek.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:43, Reply)


(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:07, Reply)


(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:26, Reply)
Puss In Boots wasn't in Shrek
he was in Shrek 2
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:26, Reply)
^^^

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:36, Reply)
pfft!

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:50, Reply)
but did you manage to find any pics of her with her knob out?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:47, Reply)
If you want a good scfi film that also has amazing boobs in it, I'd recommend Lifeforce.
At a first glance this post really looks pathetic, but the film is good
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:49, Reply)
Thanks, duly noted.
Is it as camp as it sounds?
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:51, Reply)
It's on netters.
Watch it. I'm not your personal kermode
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:52, Reply)
I don't have netters.
Going to download it anyway, though. SPACE VAMPIRES!
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:53, Reply)

ker com
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:58, Reply)
he can fuck off
he chose the wrong side in the war of the jeffs. i argue with an ex-colleague that bridges is better than goldblum. she disagreed and decided to ask mark kermode about it
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:08, Reply)
I'm inclined to agree that bridges is better than goldblum.
But he's spot on about Bill And Ted being much better than Waynes World.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:11, Reply)
i think i'd agree with that. it's aged better too

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:16, Reply)
Just better innit.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:23, Reply)
LEAVE GOLDBLUM ALONE!

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:18, Reply)
i don't have a problem with goldbum
but bridges is better
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:36, Reply)
have you seen them naked?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:41, Reply)
i don't think so
have you?
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:48, Reply)
Goldblum, yes
Bridges, no.
tbh, after seeing Goldblum naked, nobody else compares
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:49, Reply)
it's not all about sex, you know.
tsk, bloody women
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:08, Reply)
not all
but most
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:16, Reply)
He's a bit hairy, though.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:17, Reply)
not Robin Williams hairy

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:19, Reply)
I've not seen Robin Williams naked.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:27, Reply)
he's incredibly hairy
or was, before he got a bit dead
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:33, Reply)
His arms alone had more hair than the filter in a Turkish swimming pool

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:38, Reply)
my mate fancied him
she loves really hairy blokes
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:41, Reply)
"Your mate"?
Sure, OK love.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:46, Reply)
i'm not that keen on hairy blokes

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 16:24, Reply)
It's not a noir, before one of you pipes up.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:51, Reply)
lol
*does the Anthony Stewart Head bean-shake*
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:54, Reply)

m.imgur.com/gallery/yhhTq
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:09, Reply)
at first glance most posts look really pathetic
and on all subsequent glances
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:07, Reply)
^ Nurman, Cousin of Conan, Wielder of the Dark Handbag

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:20, Reply)
Found out last week there is an extended version of The Handmaiden
Which I must study in great detail
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:51, Reply)
Righto.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:51, Reply)

Righ Bis
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:54, Reply)
sugar sugar candy pop

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:18, Reply)
Eh?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:19, Reply)
he said 'sugar sugar candy pop' mat8, come on

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:23, Reply)
Can it be milked?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:26, Reply)
push it down pull it up

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:31, Reply)
^^^

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:41, Reply)
How's married life suiting you?
just got a dog didn't ya?

Edit

*sigh*

I seem to remember that the two of you just welcomed a pet into your family. I ... oh I give up
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:12, Reply)
that's a terrible way to describe his spouse

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:17, Reply)
Really well, cheers.
It's pretty much the same as it was before, but with a ring on it and dates to remember.

7/7 mind... Won't forget that in a hurry.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:40, Reply)
Ace

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:43, Reply)
Good.
Any follow up question or anything?
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:55, Reply)
It's not the best conversation starter, is it?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:57, Reply)
I think he just wants us to mention other films with nudity in them

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:58, Reply)
Hairy Porters and the Hotel of Anal

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:01, Reply)
Well, that was not my original intention,
but I'm not saying that I don't want that.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:02, Reply)
Randiana Jones and the Temple of Anal

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:02, Reply)
#infest

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:04, Reply)
Brown Star Wars Episode X: Revenge of the Anal

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:03, Reply)
LA Confidentianal

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:09, Reply)
Snakes on a Planal

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:10, Reply)
Frozen Anal

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:39, Reply)
Stop or my Anal will Anal

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:52, Reply)
Anal Butt 2: Anal Butter

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:59, Reply)
An Inconvenient Anal
With Anal Gore
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:43, Reply)
Hmm, maybe share your experiences of when life has been a giant rip-off?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:57, Reply)
This government, right kid's?
/ac
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:06, Reply)
should have gone to see cars 3 instead
or despicable me 3
or the emoji movie
or captain underpants
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:06, Reply)
Captain Underpants is apparently very good

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:14, Reply)
i think all of them are supposed to have some merit, aside from the emoji movie
the word 'underpants' is pretty funny on its own though.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:30, Reply)
my son lols out loud whenever he's reading one of the books so I've high hopes for the film

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:33, Reply)
He laughs out loud out loud?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:59, Reply)
well he couldn't do it silently, could he?
fucking idiot
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:06, Reply)
any nudity in any of them?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:17, Reply)
do emoji have clothes?
i bet there's some joke about the 'eggplant' one in there somewhere
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:31, Reply)
No m8.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:17, Reply)
Yesterday it was ZZ Top, today I've discovered Talking Head's Fear Of Music
wow!
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:18, Reply)
Fear of music is fantastic, but Stop Making Sense is their bestest.
I demand you watch it.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:22, Reply)
If you know Stop Making Sense well
Then you need to check out a series called Documentary Now! and their parody of it.

Infact all of the episodes of this series are amazing.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:47, Reply)
I have Stop Making Sense which is ace
but got a bit annoyed with Little Creatures, it was a bit meh apart from the obvious hits
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:58, Reply)
Yep, you've gone past peak there
They were definately not happy to work with each other by then, but the first 5 albums are superb.

Enjoy this cover of Slippery People by Mavis Staples
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:07, Reply)
have you joined one of those things where they send you cassettes through the post?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:24, Reply)
My dads' music went from alright to shit because he got a cd player and joined brittania.
Jimmy Nail, for fuck's sake.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:30, Reply)
crocodile shoooooes
my dad listened to mostly motown
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:32, Reply)
Mine had heaps of quality psych and reggae on vinyl.
And then it was Nail and Simply Red.

He's got a vague grasp of stax and muscle shoals but that's about it.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:38, Reply)
*shudders*

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:45, Reply)
Just gonna listen to 'I can't Wait' until I feel alright again.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:48, Reply)
Diana Ross' Diana might be one of the best records ever, seeing as it's relevant.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:40, Reply)
Someoen's gonna get annoyed at the descent into music chat
*awaits the thunder from above*
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:13, Reply)
What else is good to listen to in the office?
I'm on my third consecutive working day of synthwave now and I fancy a change.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:21, Reply)
Music for Egon Schiele - Rachel's

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:23, Reply)
which brings us full circle
new thread please
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:23, Reply)
Mornington Crescent!
Edit: just given it a try and it's actually pretty nice.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:37, Reply)
are they still making albums?
I haven't listened to Rachels since my student days
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:05, Reply)
didn't one of them die a year or so ago?
edit: it was five years ago and another one has died since
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:07, Reply)
According to Wikipedia, one of them died in 2012 and another one died in March of this year.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:11, Reply)
That's sad to hear, I really liked their stuff
Selenograpy was great
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:14, Reply)
Going to have to listen to that now.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 15:21, Reply)
the thunder of drums?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:30, Reply)
8 tracks all the way

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 13:57, Reply)
I want a reel-to-reel thingummy

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:05, Reply)
I've got two of them

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:07, Reply)
pervert

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:07, Reply)
no bodyshaming pls

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:09, Reply)
I'll shame it alright
shame into next week
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:26, Reply)
I mean spunk on you

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:38, Reply)
I have one of these
www.electrofarm.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/IMG_1015-e1397117886754.jpg
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:11, Reply)
That's nice.
I'm toying with the idea of getting a quad 303
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:36, Reply)
British HiFi
managed to be much more reliable than British cars of the same era, for some reason.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 14:53, Reply)
Haha Richard is very upset!

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:37, Reply)
haha, alright?
I wish it was Talk Like a Pirate Day today, that's my favourite! Arrr, I'm a pirate! Pirates are almost as cool as my other favourites, zombies. Uuugh, brains!! Like a zombie would say, get it?

Imagine zombie pirates!!!
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:53, Reply)
Fucking CUNTS
I hate people
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:53, Reply)
^upset

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:54, Reply)
what's up, love?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:54, Reply)
nothing really, I'm just in one of my moods, you know what I get like

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:57, Reply)
Once you get going, you're a right 'one'!
Alright, well I hope it improves.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:58, Reply)
Yeah, it's all good really
Apart from the bits that aren't
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:00, Reply)
That's true
How to create an ice sculpture of a swan; Chip away all the bits that don't look like a swan. There.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:01, Reply)
woah

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:05, Reply)
I scare myself sometimes, I'm so insightful

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:06, Reply)
strikey g scare to touch
and ins to del
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:11, Reply)
better strikey g making it look like you're scared to touch fannies or sutin

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:12, Reply)
well aren't you????
I'm not touching that! That hole could lead anywhere!!
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:25, Reply)
i always dive head first into any holes i encounter ma8
it's the only way to live
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:45, Reply)
arrrr nommy nom brains!!! lol
ahahahaarrrr
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:54, Reply)
hahah, you're getting it!!

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:56, Reply)
Bearing in mind what pirates actually did in the 18th century
I wonder if we'll be having ISIS themed birthday parties and fair ground rides in 200 years time
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:55, Reply)
This is from my stand up set, btw
Let me know how it scans, thx
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:55, Reply)
#Fringe2018

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:56, Reply)
It's brilliant m8

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:56, Reply)
cheers

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:57, Reply)
awooga, what a rush

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:04, Reply)
switch the punchline around so that the isis bit is at the end otherwise people don't know when to laugh
and laugh they will, because this is dynamite
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:04, Reply)
Leave the comedy to the professionals, m8

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:06, Reply)
"hey Doyle, you have to be *this* tall to slap criminals"
"why's that, Bodie?"
"because that's the punchline."
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:10, Reply)
great bit
hope to see you on Mock the Week soon m8
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:13, Reply)
I need to practise my "errrrrrrrrrm"

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:14, Reply)
The future Disney ride will, as ever, be well themed

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:04, Reply)
ooh, that's good
*writes down*
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:07, Reply)
Alright Jimmy Carr
Pay up for your ghost writers.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:15, Reply)
*evades*

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:18, Reply)
frankie boyle used to write for Carr
he did alright on his own
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:20, Reply)
Saw Jimmy Carr 'perform' in 2002
If I had a time machine to go back and stop it, I would.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:24, Reply)
or kill him now
then go back in time and hide
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:25, Reply)
Can't handle the pressure of future Van Damme coming after me

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:38, Reply)
what did pirates actually do in the 18th Century?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:13, Reply)
You're not invited to my Edinburgh show, alright?
You're not coming
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:14, Reply)
I just don't think it's a fair comparison
pirates lived by a strict, but fair, code of honour and working conditions for the crew were of a far higher standard than could be expected anywhere else at that time
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:22, Reply)
MODS

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:22, Reply)
Alright, what then what about these guys? Maybe I could make some adjustments
www.slate.com/content/dam/slate/blogs/browbeat/2013/10/11/phillips_pirates.jpg.CROP.promovar-mediumlarge.jpg
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:25, Reply)
you'll probably have to lose the bit about birthday parties and fair ground rides

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:35, Reply)
No, it's still good

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:36, Reply)
fucked bitches and got paid, bitch

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:22, Reply)
and they wore sick earrings

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:23, Reply)
bent

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:25, Reply)
ooh, you wouldn't say that to their faces, m8
they were rough customers
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:26, Reply)
"Nice bugger tuggers, m8"

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:28, Reply)
that's what I would say

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:28, Reply)
They'd give you the black spot for that, m8
Black spot up in this biatch
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:29, Reply)
cancer?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:11, Reply)
cancer

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:17, Reply)
what, earrings made of sick?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:27, Reply)
Puke Hoops

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:30, Reply)
women weren't allowed on board
but you're right, their remuneration package was relatively fair
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:37, Reply)
Well that's not true, for starters
What about Ann Bonny? She was a fucken captain.

Mary Read?
Christina Anna Skytte?
Rachel Wall?

Women not allowed on board, my arse
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:43, Reply)
I think it's clear that Tangled's pirate game is weak

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:45, Reply)
I'm embarrassed for him m8

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:57, Reply)

and cutlass liz
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:48, Reply)
Strikey-G to remove the 'not' and that comma

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:48, Reply)
'well that's true for starters'

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:55, Reply)
all lesbians dressed as men

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:55, Reply)
you wish

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:56, Reply)
Uh oh, Rob seems to be becoming self-aware
twitter.com/robmanuel/status/898931676205731841
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:00, Reply)
he's so deep

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:04, Reply)
what a fucking cunt

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:10, Reply)
Seaman Stains, consider yourself discharged

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:04, Reply)


(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:05, Reply)
that was my ninja impersonation
as ninjas are also well lol
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:06, Reply)
oh man, ninjas are brilliant - or, as I prefer to say, 'aces'!!!
Imagine ninjas with laser eyes!!!!
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:11, Reply)
lol, ninjas shine lasers into your eyes
so that you never see them coming!
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:12, Reply)
cowboys 4 eva ma8

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:05, Reply)

4 e
a s aliens is my favourite movie
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:08, Reply)
i remember it being watchable enough

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:11, Reply)
i don't remember it at all tbh

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:16, Reply)
it's got cowboys and aliens in it

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:27, Reply)
alright, brokeback

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:11, Reply)
i wish i could quit you

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:16, Reply)
i think it's discriminatory that you can set your Facebook language to 'pirate' but not to 'zombie'.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:06, Reply)
tweet zuckerberg, m8

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:12, Reply)
Low hanging fruit
That is 80% of the internet.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:09, Reply)

80% of the internet how I describe my genital cluster
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:11, Reply)
I tattooed a cartwheel on each bollock
and fitted little reins to my knob, so that i can sing rugby songs.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:15, Reply)
Didn't the Americans just remove a statue of Genital Cluster over the weekend?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:18, Reply)
he'

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:20, Reply)
glorified the Civil Wart

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:22, Reply)
oh vg

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:25, Reply)
I've gone the pub.
This is a good idea. This was definitely a good idea.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:25, Reply)
(send help)

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:25, Reply)
^living the life

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:26, Reply)
It's more of 'a life' rather than 'the life'.
S'alright though. Meeting my mate rigby for a pint soon.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:28, Reply)
alright mordecai

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:31, Reply)
This is a regular show gag

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:41, Reply)
ohhhhhhhhh

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:49, Reply)
Did you watch the fucking shit film of that?
I bet you have watched that fucking shit film.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:51, Reply)
how much did you bet? because i haven't seen it, so pay up

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:54, Reply)
fifty sovs

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:58, Reply)
80 shekels

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:00, Reply)
5000 guilders

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:03, Reply)
looks like typo is going to be in deep with some shady loan shark after this

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:04, Reply)
Already am, lost a few fingers
Should really be called Imtypingwithmythumbs
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:10, Reply)
Somebody called

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:36, Reply)
I put down a mouses tail and two rabbit poops
Up there me for your delivery details
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:09, Reply)
I've gone the pub, they go the house?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 10:33, Reply)
the fuck is this?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:03, Reply)
communism

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:05, Reply)
Hey guy's anyone want to see a photo of 2Can's wife naked?
NSFW
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:07, Reply)
It's bullying like this that made Amorous Badger leave 4 eva.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:10, Reply)
He actually archived himself. It was very sad.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:11, Reply)
Wiv da angles in the great fail archive in the sky.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:14, Reply)
I'm archiving myself as I type this

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:24, Reply)
disgusting

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:36, Reply)
His wife really is an elephant though

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:51, Reply)
Zomg!!!

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:06, Reply)
I think we're all forgetting It's Over by Level 42

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:15, Reply)
You wash your mouth out, young man
AS IF
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:22, Reply)
+ it is now

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:24, Reply)
Like on Pirates of the Carribbean?
They're dead, innit.
They're more ghost pirates mind.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:24, Reply)
I like that pirates Vs scientists film

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:37, Reply)
who won?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:40, Reply)
Jesus

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:48, Reply)
WHOEVER WINS, WE LOSE!

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:48, Reply)
They all did, kids film innit

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:58, Reply)
me too, one of the better cinema trips I've had with the nipper

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 11:56, Reply)
I gender identify as buccanqueer

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 12:34, Reply)
morning
limited service availability today
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:01, Reply)
Alright

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:02, Reply)
alright dozers brackets expletive

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:37, Reply)
Hullo

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:23, Reply)
Ricky

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:25, Reply)
let's make it a good one, yeah?

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:36, Reply)
Morning.
Might actually see the sun, today.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:30, Reply)
I'm sat by a window today

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:36, Reply)
Windows peaked at 3.11

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:48, Reply)
Morning
Got a wicked craving for a boost
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:33, Reply)
you smell lovely, your hair looks smashing, the world's your oyster!

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:36, Reply)
Immortal, invisible, you're handsome, you're, er, you're glorious, you're the most beautiful person in the world.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:42, Reply)
My hair IS a lovely shade of blue

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:07, Reply)
There was a lass on the metro this morning with bright Smurf-blue hair.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:20, Reply)
it was a jackson pollock of hair colours at sunday's gig
I can see where starbucks got their unicorn latte idea from
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:24, Reply)
That's pretty much what mine is like
Found an electric blue in the pound shop and emptied the shelf. Still got 8 boxes left.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:26, Reply)
Star Bars are better.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 7:48, Reply)
They are not

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:07, Reply)
Topic's the bestest

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:19, Reply)
They're not bad
But when you're craving something, only that will do.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:29, Reply)
gay me

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:06, Reply)
*rearranges cushions and adds a lamp*
there
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:19, Reply)
^ homosexual minion-based fanfic

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:24, Reply)
gay you, gay me, gay it together, in a lavatory

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:25, Reply)
Morning. You sound like a mobile phone service provider.
Not to be confused with the late and decidedly unlamented Connex South Central, which offered limited service every day, and twice on Sundays.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:10, Reply)
I had to use Connex regularly to get between Portsmouth and Thanet
took about 6 hours to go 150 miles
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:25, Reply)
Yep. I used to have to rely on them to get to and from work.
The morning train may have been hideously expensive and crammed with stressed and sweaty commuters reduced to trampling on each other, but at least it was on time. The train home in the evening was late literally every single day.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:31, Reply)
I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:10, Reply)
How did the Village People meet?
I mean, they led very different lives.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:11, Reply)
it really makes you think

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:17, Reply)
when bowie died I bought a commemorative edition wallet
so that I know where my ch-ch-change is.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:28, Reply)
I'll have one from the top
and four from anywhere else please.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:20, Reply)
ok, your magazines are
Razzle, Newsweek, Tatler, Vegan Monthly, and Aquarium Enthusiast
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:27, Reply)
Ok.
Add the Razzle to the Newsweek, multiply by the Tatler, divide by the Aquerian Enthusiast and finally add the Vegan Monthly and there you are: The Sunday Times.

Rachel, was there an easier way or getting to The Sunday Times?
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:33, Reply)
I bought a copy of Razzle from a friend when I was around 14 for £1.50
he had cleverly disguised it by stapling a different magazine cover onto it, but that didn't stop it from disappearing when my parents took it upon themselves to clear out all the shit from my wardrobe when I went on the school skiing trip
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:42, Reply)
I'll limit my replies then

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:30, Reply)
I think that's for the best

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:32, Reply)
oh

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 8:43, Reply)
how sad

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:04, Reply)
every God filled morning brings us closer to Jesus

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:09, Reply)
oh nice

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:18, Reply)
I know you are devestated

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:10, Reply)
I'm apoplectic, m8

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:18, Reply)
i'm so tired

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:15, Reply)
tell me about it
I'm looking after a sick toddler while my neighbours use hammer drills downstairs, after my idiotic student neighbours next door started their party at midnight. I've had about 90mins sleep in the last 36 hours.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:17, Reply)
sorry, too tired to empathise

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:26, Reply)
ok, you win

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:27, Reply)
Jesus will cure you

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:20, Reply)
well it's about bloody time

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:39, Reply)
Have you considered sleeping?
Whenever I'm tired, that sorts me right out.
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:38, Reply)
i'm at work
they frown on that kind of behaviour, the fucks
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:39, Reply)
nah

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:39, Reply)
no? ok...
zzzzzzz
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:47, Reply)
Ssshhhh *strokes head* ssshhhh
doo de doo doo doo de doooooo
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:48, Reply)
Right, he's asleep
www.crocodilesanddragons.com.au/images/skinks_bluetongue.jpg
(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 9:48, Reply)
Alright

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:48, Reply)
haha, yeah sure why not

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:49, Reply)
yeha

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:58, Reply)
yeha?

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 23:06, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8108636
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 16:00, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8108668
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 16:08, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8107113
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 16:09, Reply)
fine, m8

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 16:10, Reply)
Edit
Deguello's a bit bonkers!
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 16:12, Reply)
Fandango is a good one iirc
One side live, one side studio
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 16:51, Reply)
hitler

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 17:00, Reply)
You can't say that

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 17:05, Reply)
Nobody told me

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 17:05, Reply)
Nu Shoooz - I can't Wait or The Jets' - Crush On You.
Question is open to all.
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 17:00, Reply)
It's hitler mick

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 17:04, Reply)
'Suck my balls' by Dozy Dozy D

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 17:10, Reply)
I was at this I was
www.mixcloud.com/Mr_Scruff/mr-scruff-dj-set-from-la-belle-angele-edinburgh-sat-19th-august-2017/
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 17:13, Reply)
Yeah I saw him in 1998 m8.

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 17:17, Reply)
Lol, old

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 17:31, Reply)
Sez the man in the Parliament t-shirt eh

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 17:58, Reply)
Touche

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 18:34, Reply)
Just bought a decksaver for my xone 23

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 19:31, Reply)
hitler

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 17:19, Reply)
i tried to tell him that and he wouldn't fucking listen, then I got a bollocking off mongy, this is turning into a fucking nightmare

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 18:10, Reply)
^ Duke brothers sympathiser

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 18:51, Reply)
look, just watch your step yeah?
one more strike and you're out, mush
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 19:13, Reply)
Above the door there burned a scarlet lamp

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 17:24, Reply)
ok *cracks knuckles*
ve ut
door bins
there i
rn mm
rlet bby
l tr
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 19:11, Reply)
Skillz

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 19:45, Reply)
Oh bravo

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 20:41, Reply)
oh i say, that's really very good mano!

(, Tue 22 Aug 2017, 19:54, Reply)
34 quid now

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 18:06, Reply)
The thing I could do with that cash , weed, 3 trips and a bag of wizz, imagine that? Nah that's dreaming

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 20:01, Reply)
43 now
just a laugh innit, money for nothing and it amusrs me that people try and outbid each other on some old tat like this in 20p increments.
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 21:37, Reply)
It's an online bootsale and your taking part, not sure there is anything to laugh about

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 22:07, Reply)
Telt my maw about my foray into survivalism. .
"that sounds an awful lot like 'being a tramp' to me"
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 22:46, Reply)
Hello, yeah?

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:36, Reply)
everybody's dead, Rich

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:36, Reply)
gud

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:38, Reply)
Hey check this out
New levels of tragedy attained this weekend: my ex sent an email to my wife from my kid's account, pretending to be her - with a list of school uniform items she wants me to buy. We are now impersonating 9 year olds.

Lol, eh?
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:40, Reply)
I'm guessing you're so traumatised by this that you forgot to write the word "ex"
but yer, lollerific. Is your kid at that age where she still needs name tags sewn on to everything?
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:43, Reply)
edited in
No tags needed that I know of
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:44, Reply)
I don't get why she impersonated your daughter
Surely if the kid's in need then the stuff'll get bought, it's not like you have to con a parent to buy their child school supplies. Do you? asking for a friend.
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:49, Reply)
I'm trying to con you into buying my children's school supplies, m8

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:55, Reply)
Well....
Uniform should be paid for out of maintenance payments. However I've been paying for it as a bonus, because I am nice. However last summer she sent me a shitty demand for it - expecting me to take the kid shopping whilst we were on holiday (!). I got it sorted but told her than if she wanted help with this again, I wanted plenty of notice, and she would need to ask politely as a demand would be met with refusal.

True to form she issued a demand. I've told her that she can get fucked.
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:56, Reply)
If there is a particular colour that indicates surprise,
colour me whatever the opposite of that colour is right now.
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:13, Reply)
I even gave her a friendly nudge a week ago
literally all she had to do was ask politely for my help and it would have been given. But no, being a rude cunt and then impersonating your own child is MUCH easier, apparently.
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:19, Reply)
fucking bunny boiler

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:26, Reply)
Yeah, but his ex is pretty crazy too

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:27, Reply)
i see what you did there

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:34, Reply)
well you're not stupid

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:40, Reply)
well, quite

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:43, Reply)

even gave her am
riendly n
a week ago packer
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:26, Reply)
nice 1 m8te

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:40, Reply)
cheers

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:45, Reply)
no?

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:39, Reply)
No, yeah?

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:40, Reply)
Alright threatening Adele

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:42, Reply)
Yeah, yeah?

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:43, Reply)
I raise you Yeah
Crass AND Pretentious mixes.
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:51, Reply)
hi rich!!!

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:43, Reply)
hi, yeah?

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:48, Reply)
what's your favourite song by the artist 'usher'?

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:55, Reply)
Too many to choose from, m8

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:59, Reply)
but if you had to pick one

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:04, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxBSyx85Kp8
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:06, Reply)
+?

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:07, Reply)
y, y?

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:07, Reply)
nice
*similar question to which the answer is obviously 'yeah yeah yeahs'*, rich?
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:10, Reply)
Is it me, yeah, you're looking for, yeah?

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:49, Reply)
tools down, fucking off

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:55, Reply)
alright

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:56, Reply)
y

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 14:59, Reply)
whatevs

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:09, Reply)
Over on
Mumsnet
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:38, Reply)
Hi. Just put some background music on to drown out the sound of a shared office
randomly piced ZZ Top - Tres Hombres. Fucking hell, this is from 1973 and it feels like those beardy boys are actually in my head. Amazing production.
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:38, Reply)
It's an absolutely brilliant LP
One of the best US rock albums of the 70s, no question - and yes, the production is up there with Back in Black, I'd say. Top notch.
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:41, Reply)
La Grange is the standout track

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:42, Reply)
^

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:45, Reply)
I once spent far too long trying to emulate Reverend Billy's guitar sound on that record

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:48, Reply)

emulate Reverend B rub my w
's guitar sound
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:52, Reply)
No one seems to know what his setup was
www.harmonycentral.com/forum/forum/guitar/acapella-28/1603632-
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 16:02, Reply)
I do m8

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 16:17, Reply)
no you never m8

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 16:23, Reply)
I taught Billy m8

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 16:23, Reply)
^

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 16:05, Reply)
^ This
Excellent choice.
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:50, Reply)
Good advice, Mario
i.imgur.com/gZQrjYX.jpg
(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:40, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:41, Reply)
show me how

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 15:58, Reply)
let's a-go

(, Mon 21 Aug 2017, 16:00, Reply)

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