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G'morning scum.

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 8:56, Reply)
Hullo

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 9:42, Reply)
You need people like me so you can use your fuckin' fingers and type “morning”

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 9:44, Reply)
I'm not feeling very well.

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 10:30, Reply)
I'm having a top notch sherry, bout to start work on a beef roast

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 11:20, Reply)
alright

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 10:54, Reply)
going out to get lunch

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 11:18, Reply)
vietnamese/chinese/asian fried noodles with vegs it is then

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 12:47, Reply)
What ho.
Just come back from the Engurlish carol service at the Engurlish church.
(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 12:00, Reply)
A wholesome event, no gays or blacks allowed

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 12:08, Reply)
Oh, you're wrong there, m8: the black community was heavily represented.
I didn't see the delegation from the gay community so they may have been going undercover.
(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 12:09, Reply)
I thought you can't just see that someone is "different"

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 12:48, Reply)
twtj.jpg

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 13:14, Reply)
train wreck or totally jammin ?
one of them is a type of weed and the other?
(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 14:02, Reply)
teroes in a half shell

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 14:07, Reply)
"Oh little town of Bermondsey", that sort of thing?

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 12:38, Reply)
More like 'jazz' versions of the classics in order to make the Christian message appeal to da yoof.
We did get to sing five or six proper traditional carols, though, so I'm not feeling short-changed for all that. They'd laid on mince pies and mulled wine afterwards but I steered clear of that, as I didn't particularly fancy the barrage of self-righteous "Haven't seen you here before" and "We do a service every Sunday, you know" from the churchy crowd.
(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 12:44, Reply)
First thing we went to church, they tried to recruit my boy to the choir. He ran away.
Don't think I've ever stayed for the after service refreshments, likely for the same reasons you didn't.
(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 13:29, Reply)
They say "All are welcome."
They mean "All are welcome as long as you promise to turn up every week without fail and help organise the Easter tombola and send your kids to Bible camp over the summer holiday and donate half a cupboard's worth of tinned goods for the harvest festival and put at least a tenner in the collection plate every week just to prove that you're serious about not wanting to go to Hell."
(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 13:44, Reply)
Right, because today's teens just can get enough jazz, lol.

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 14:19, Reply)
It's all pretty tragic.
Then again, I'd rather listen to jazz than whatever today's teens are listening to.
(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 14:41, Reply)
This should win

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 12:33, Reply)
I'm the daddy now.

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 12:39, Reply)
alright Daddy Cool

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 12:49, Reply)
It's totes festive here

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 13:24, Reply)
alright

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 19:13, Reply)
alright

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 19:32, Reply)
alright

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 19:52, Reply)
alright

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 19:55, Reply)
alright.

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 20:12, Reply)
alright

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 20:17, Reply)
alright

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 20:18, Reply)
alright

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 20:26, Reply)
alright

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 20:46, Reply)
alright

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 20:54, Reply)
alright

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 22:34, Reply)
alright

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 3:23, Reply)
alright!

(, Sun 17 Dec 2017, 13:56, Reply)
Herro evleebodee

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 10:33, Reply)
Hi Dr Nip!

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 10:55, Reply)
You are a velly sirry sausage!

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 11:10, Reply)
"I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell!"

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 11:39, Reply)
With so many Wings and Wongs in the phone book
you always end up winging the wong number!!!
(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 12:52, Reply)
This morning, on a whim,
I listened to 'The Visitors' and thought it were reet good. Top pop-picking.
(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 13:00, Reply)
Cheers!
Glad you enjoyed.
(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 14:00, Reply)
Bet they're not ready for Christmas in China.

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 12:57, Reply)
the greatest gift they'll get this year is rife

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 17:36, Reply)
You're in the wrong lane, dear

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 17:37, Reply)
I am finding this WAY too funny!

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 18:29, Reply)
So what's your favourite ABBA song? I just can't decide and it's stopping me being ready for xmas

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 18:52, Reply)
Waterloo, waterloovely song that is

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 19:10, Reply)
Last time
I was at Waterloo station, I felt compelled to post a Facebook check in thing with "Couldn't escape if I wanted to". While waiting for the GPS to figure out where I was, I missed my sodding train.

So Arrival.
(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 19:28, Reply)
The Name Of the Game.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 19:11, Reply)
Large Chiquitita and Chips

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 19:15, Reply)
Donald Where's Your Troosers?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 19:16, Reply)
Gimme Gimme Gimme (a right cuntstuffing)

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 19:24, Reply)
That song is filth, I want saink the old folks can enjoy

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 19:26, Reply)
Money Money Money (and bitches) ?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 19:29, Reply)
it's
why the fuck doesn't first class have wi-fi?

actually, it's 'gimme, gimme' cos it gets better the louder you play it
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 19:28, Reply)
None of them

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 19:37, Reply)
How on earth can you not have a favourite Xmas ready abba song???? Are you a Satan or saink

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 20:31, Reply)
So I got new Wi-fi.
If I change the name and password to the same as the old one will my devices with it saved just connect to the new one or is there more going on than that?
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 20:10, Reply)
Yes

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 20:12, Reply)
No

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 20:12, Reply)
You are an arse

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 21:10, Reply)
No, matching SSID and password is all you need.
Or you could change your WiFi's name to something wakki.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 20:16, Reply)
The fuck is an SSID?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 21:10, Reply)
A snake with a speech impediment.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 23:17, Reply)
SIDS
static1.squarespace.com/static/55d9a2ebe4b090d1642480e9/t/57195709c6fc085b5b0faffa/1461278487768/?format=750w
(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 0:39, Reply)
Anyway, I changed the Wi-Fi name and password to the same as the old one and all my devices connected.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 21:11, Reply)
That's all that really matters.
I have two routers in my house, both using the same SSID (name) and password, so people can keep their connection when moving to the back of the house.
thatsinterestingmonstermunch
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 21:26, Reply)
You fucking stupid fucking nerd

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 21:28, Reply)
you're such a popular page tart

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 21:31, Reply)
You fucking stupid fucking dribble

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 21:38, Reply)
Maybe this is what's stopping me
Stopping me, stopping you, ahaaaaa
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 20:13, Reply)
I had a maths conversation with some you dealer yesterday, explained that there are 28g in an ounce, so 1.6 isn't ant 8th , just over a teenth, still trying to get hold of that solid

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 20:38, Reply)
You can do it, Christmas ready or not

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 21:05, Reply)
that one with the bit that goes 'ooooo'

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 21:00, Reply)
Dancing Queen.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 21:17, Reply)
Nah, bad knee

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 22:17, Reply)
the one where one of them died and the others suffered long term agony as their physical and mental health declined

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 21:41, Reply)
The Visitors
Amazing piece of music. Really dark, edge of sanity stuff with a superb drive to it - so danceable - and gets under the skin of someone waiting for the Stazi coming to kick the doors in. A group of musicians at their absolute peak and at breaking point - just like Fleetwood Mac when they did Rumours. One of my favourite tracks of all time.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 22:21, Reply)
I Hate You So Fuckin Much I Ain't Had a Shit Since Sunday (The Cilla Black version)

(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 0:42, Reply)
Knowing Me Knowing you has a decent bassline.
There.
(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 9:20, Reply)
Shart on a donkey, it's 15.10!
How's your friday going, fellow beetans.

Weekend glans?
I may go and see the new star war.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:11, Reply)
apparently I'm buying a fucking tree and dragging it a mile across the city and lugging it up five flights of stairs
and mounting it in some cumbersome fucking holder so that the toddler can pull every single last needle off it over the course of the next few weeks.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:14, Reply)
that's the spirit!

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:16, Reply)
grrrinch

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:29, Reply)
That bird's only gone and welched on me at the last minute,
because of "an emergency". First time so she's covered by the benefit of the doubt, but if I find out that she's taking the piss, she and I are going to have a conversation that she's not going to enjoy.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:15, Reply)
Sushi with a stranger for you, then
How do you meet these willing victims? Tinder?
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:17, Reply)
On this occasion, one of its competitors, which will remain nameless.
I've had a look on my social website to see if there's owt else interesting on tonight but it's looking a bit tragic, especially so for a Friday.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:21, Reply)
Grindr?
He's Carl from Monday to Friday but at the weekend he's Sassy Susan and ANYTHING GOES!
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:38, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:40, Reply)
I've never tried Grindr.
This is due to not having the body of a chiselled Greek demigod.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:45, Reply)
OR BEING A RAMPANT HOMO...
I was on grindr, and I ent chiselled
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:58, Reply)
Chiselled? No,
bits of me look like they've been sanded, in a haphazard way, by a YTS trainee
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:05, Reply)
understatement of the year right there
peeled, maybe
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:15, Reply)
*swipes left*

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:20, Reply)
spud-u-don't-like

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:20, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:26, Reply)
Mods!!
Im being bullied by the board adonises
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:36, Reply)

onises enoids
(, Sat 16 Dec 2017, 12:49, Reply)
reevesandmortimerhandbags.jpg

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:17, Reply)
:)

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:22, Reply)
it's for your own benefit
You don't want to wake up tomorrow morning with period blood under your fingernails.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:17, Reply)
Wouldn't have been the first time tbh.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:21, Reply)
I've just coughed up four and a half grand rent/deposit, so a cheap weekend awaits
My accounts have not been this bare for a couple of years...I don't like it.

Roast beef with the nipper on Sunday. Who knows - maybe I'll be ready for Christmas by then
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:16, Reply)
Have an extra Yorkshire, just to be sure.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:17, Reply)
Roadkill scavenged from the North Circular makes an inexpensive and nutritious alternative to roast beef.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:30, Reply)
I'm gonna be getting my festives on proper style ugitme?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:25, Reply)
Went to a deli in town, bough a gift for each of my co-workers, that is the good deed done for this year
Star Wars at some point, and finish off the shopping for that festive holiday that is coming up shortly. The mrs has watched an episode of Taskmaster on Dave, so will probably have to watch some of them.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:36, Reply)
Might eat some of them bananas
they're looking awfully ripe. May have to bake them into a cake.

Edit: sounds like it should be read out by Bruce in Family Guy.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:40, Reply)
Cut them into slices, stick them in a bag and freeze it
When you want a treat, put them in a blender with a little bit of milk, banana ice cream.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:45, Reply)
Or not
Whatever
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:46, Reply)
That's not banana ice cream.
That's banana milkshake.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:47, Reply)
If you put in more than a little bit of milk, yes
Because you are a spaz for not following a simple fucking recipe
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:49, Reply)
Fuck you, Keith "Quantities are for pussies" Floyd.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:50, Reply)
I miss Keith, he was fucking awesome

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:51, Reply)
He was a star.
His autobiography's a laugh as well. Sample quote: "I drove my secretary back to London at 140 mph the whole way and scared the living shit out of her."
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:53, Reply)
Can imagine the rest as...
"had to keep it there, any slower and the optics I'd had on installed on the dash would resonate horribly and I'd lose yet more grain and grape to the shag-pile at my feet."
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:57, Reply)
I've not read that *adds to list*

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:03, Reply)
wow you really know how to treat yourself

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:49, Reply)
I think I'll keep cocaine as my favourite treat

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:55, Reply)
and whiskers on kittens...

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:59, Reply)
Nop. Gak'll be enough.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:03, Reply)
I haven't the stamina for anything other than a bit of herb these days

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:04, Reply)
I don't have any self restraint.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:06, Reply)
alright alicia keys

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:05, Reply)
nah mate, frozen bananas, I swear down

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:04, Reply)
I think my aunty has sent me and ladypig a card meant for a gay couple.
It says "to you and your partner, have a lovely christmas" and it's two male looking bears and it's a bit sort of sparkly and camp.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:30, Reply)
sounds fabulous
Are they not polar bears?
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:46, Reply)
lol bender

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 16:59, Reply)
is ladypig a bit manly?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 17:19, Reply)
Put it this way, Windy's real name is 'The Sundance Kid'

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 17:25, Reply)
Lol. She's hedging her bets.
Then again, I once had a mildly senile aunt give me a stocking filled with dog chocolates for Christmas.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 17:56, Reply)
1 lol
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-42324356
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:11, Reply)
I got 1

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:12, Reply)
*1 fives*

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:13, Reply)
9/7 "Figgi puddi"

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:14, Reply)
2 LOL

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:15, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:17, Reply)
2 lol
Considerably more well-informed than yaow.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:18, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:21, Reply)
4
*sob*
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:22, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8138173
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:23, Reply)
2 lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:28, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8138175
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:32, Reply)
720 no scope

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:45, Reply)
nice

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:54, Reply)
11p lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:47, Reply)
u r 11 p lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:55, Reply)
haha, p - like wee-wee

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:07, Reply)
I haven't got time for this shit

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:54, Reply)
high off your own supply again?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:55, Reply)
If you can't beat 'em, jenkem.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:57, Reply)
Jenkem? I barely knew 'em!
lol
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:04, Reply)
I got five on it.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:09, Reply)
pervert

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:13, Reply)
4/7
I feel empowered.

Like what those Spicegirls did for Wimmin.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:15, Reply)
What, turn them into vapid, manufactured sex objects?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:33, Reply)
3 lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:27, Reply)
Are you playing battle royale? I'm clueless what to do

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:34, Reply)
is that the 'fortnite' thing? i haven't tried it
didn't even know it was free until a couple of days ago. as far as i know, you just have to scrabble around for supplies and survive as long as you can. you can build shit but i dunno how
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:57, Reply)
Yeah it's free, odd game

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 15:00, Reply)
I refuse to take part in this anarcho-fascist regime

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:28, Reply)
5/7
Have some of that.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:39, Reply)
3/7 "youthquake"

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:57, Reply)
"juicer time" 2/7

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 14:59, Reply)
Is everyone ready for Christmas yet?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:30, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8138126
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:31, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8138138
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:32, Reply)
how would I fucking know

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:31, Reply)
Whitney Houszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:32, Reply)
Sure am buddy
I'm so excited I could literally spunk shit out my helmit
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:33, Reply)
lucky

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:33, Reply)
what do I need to do to get ready?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:33, Reply)
I wish I knew :(

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:34, Reply)
I expect it involves stuffing safe and onion up your arse

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:36, Reply)
Hopefully a more manageable hotel safe rather than the larger, floor-mounted variety.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:36, Reply)
safe, blud

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:37, Reply)
safe, blud

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:38, Reply)
sage, blud

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:39, Reply)
^ prefers fiblets

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:51, Reply)
To thwart the turd burglars?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:40, Reply)
I posted a check list the other day.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:57, Reply)
I'm defrosting the turkey now to save time

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:34, Reply)
#lifehacks

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:37, Reply)
Sensible
and if you put the oven on a low enough heat, you can start cooking it on monday
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:37, Reply)
low and slow m8, like on 'Triple D'

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:38, Reply)
you know it

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:39, Reply)
the meats got a nice bark
the hit of smoked chicory is out of this world. Put it there botter.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:46, Reply)
bother lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:53, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:54, Reply)
Bother, Whee At Thou?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:57, Reply)
Winnie the Pooh's Adventures in Flavortown?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:59, Reply)
Botter from anotter motter

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 13:07, Reply)
Fuck off mate

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:00, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:00, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:01, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:03, Reply)
Fucken pricks

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:05, Reply)
Come and have a go if you think you're tumescent enough.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:24, Reply)
Alright fucksocks

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:26, Reply)
so fucken rude

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:29, Reply)
I asked Siri "surely it won't rain today?", and she replied "It won't, and don't call me Shirley".
Must have set it to airplane mode.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:56, Reply)
picard.jpg

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:56, Reply)
better than Tosspot Tim's Titter Time, innit

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:57, Reply)
I'm afraid not

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:04, Reply)
I asked Siri "why did grrrrmachine come back?", and she replied "because he's a fucking stupid fucking cunt"

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:58, Reply)
it takes jokes a few extra years to reach poland
cut him some slack
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:16, Reply)
Might get the new iPhone 5 for xmas

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:23, Reply)
you lucky duck

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:29, Reply)
okey doke

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:59, Reply)
Chrstmas safety warning.
Stay safe this Xmas, If you find yourself cornered by a mugger just say loudly "Hey Siri, Call the police" ONLY DO THIS IN AN EMERGENCY or you run the risk of pissing Sting right off! It's his Xmas too
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:32, Reply)
You fucking stupid fucking cunt

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:33, Reply)
Hey...
I generally live on the main board and couldn't think of a picture to justify the shit joke.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:36, Reply)
oh

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:39, Reply)
I don't think you board lot seemed to have really grasped the concept of jokes.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:42, Reply)
no....
The main board is a lot more near the knuckle to be fair.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:43, Reply)
It's shit and you should feel bad that you're associated with it.
Even Rob doesn't want anything to do with you lot.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:45, Reply)
I just had a look
every fucking image is TOAP. That shit would be bullied into oblivion back when this site had an active user base.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:48, Reply)
near the fucking shit wank cunt shit more like

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:53, Reply)
Sure they have, a joke is when you find a picture of some star wars and photoshop in that man with the funny face.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:44, Reply)
oh man that guy is hilarious! his face is so funny!

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:51, Reply)
k

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:34, Reply)
You'd better fucken delete this, you fucken helmet

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:36, Reply)
nice 1 tim1701

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:38, Reply)
haha, classic!

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:39, Reply)
I don't have an iPhone, soz

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:40, Reply)
That's a Christmas Cracker to be sure¬!

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:40, Reply)
You fucking stupid fucking cunt

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:42, Reply)
Hey, I already said that

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:45, Reply)
You should call him a fucking stupid fucking cunt

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:48, Reply)
I've got you on ignore

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:49, Reply)
oh, well that explains it

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:55, Reply)
That wouldn't even feature in a Poundland cracker.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:43, Reply)
Apple users are used to being mugged though
So they would fucking love it. Unlike that shit joke.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:46, Reply)
Bit edgy

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:47, Reply)
shit off, wanker

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:47, Reply)
nice

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:49, Reply)
you maniac

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:57, Reply)
I still miss TimChuma

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:51, Reply)
he committed suicide

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:52, Reply)
Hullo, fellow flebstronauts, it is I, Richard (mcbeef)
How's it going lol
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:40, Reply)
just had a mince pie
I am so ready I could poo
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:43, Reply)
do it outside for a proper festive treat

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:44, Reply)
steamy

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:52, Reply)
put a sprig of holly on it before you flush it away

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:01, Reply)
there is no flush outside

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:04, Reply)
there is no flush, only stool

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:09, Reply)
haha, like in that film!

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:09, Reply)
i'm wearing a chuffing santa hat
and just had a really bent coffee

so i'm deffo winning at christmas readiness
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:26, Reply)
Is that a Mk1 Ford Escort in the background?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:28, Reply)
possibly. it's some model of a car from a telly show
i don't care what type of car it is
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:46, Reply)
can yu turn it upside down and have a look?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:51, Reply)
i can, but i won't

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 12:14, Reply)
People who drink hot drinks through a straw don't deserve nice things

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:32, Reply)
i didn't drink it through the straw, i'm not a maniac

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:42, Reply)
u hav a willy lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:43, Reply)
i no lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:44, Reply)
Deathly.
Im hoping a few J's tonight will help aid this man flu.
Going to be a longgggg day.

What about them crazy Ruski's eh? Now they want to attack our sea bed internet cables... Apparently.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:45, Reply)
I'm on smoko, so leave me alone.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:45, Reply)
alright richard lol
I'm hungover lol
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:47, Reply)
so's my wife
she got so pissed at her works do yesterday that instead of getting the bus home (10 mins door to door) she ended up in fucking Walworth
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:07, Reply)
Gud m8 lol
I have a date tonight lol.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:48, Reply)
Best of Irish luck m8

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:08, Reply)
Ta very much.
Lurid details may or may not follow.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:14, Reply)
Huffing jenkem

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:52, Reply)
add a pinch of cinnamon to give it that Christmas smell

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:00, Reply)
All this malarky with the cryptocurrency bubble has got me back in touch with my old finance mates
which is nice
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:00, Reply)

I read that as your old fiance's mate. How is she?
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:02, Reply)
she bred, so god have mercy upon the next generation

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:10, Reply)

I read that as bum bum shit plops wank wank poo.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:05, Reply)

I read that as guff on a gorilla, it's 11:07
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:07, Reply)
Medical house arrest again
Stupid fucking leg.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:25, Reply)
Alright 'Krush'

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:28, Reply)
Morning, "peeps".

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:02, Reply)
Losers, "weeps".

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:06, Reply)
Now that takes me back.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:08, Reply)
^ Nick Berry b-side

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:16, Reply)
member when you got cassettes and 7 inchers with names ending in things like '92 Mix, as part of their title and not even in brackets, member

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:20, Reply)
7 inchers, haha, like a willy!!!

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:21, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/7516072
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:32, Reply)
"HAVE A NICE SUICIDE, MATE!!!"

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:37, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:39, Reply)
anus seeps

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:34, Reply)
Every loser wins m8

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:06, Reply)
twice in one day, well coincimental

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:09, Reply)
Menkle innit.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:10, Reply)
when people type "menkle"
I can hear that awful salivary slapping sound of people with too much spit in their mouth.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:23, Reply)
ugh god no

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:28, Reply)
What, the Welsh?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:28, Reply)
What, Derek Jameson?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:43, Reply)
What, Jamie Fucking Oliver?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:39, Reply)
Hello poops

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:10, Reply)
*plop*

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:10, Reply)
I was going to buy some sneakers but they've sold out.
This is probably a good thing.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:18, Reply)
yeah, those sneakers need to go back to their roots

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:24, Reply)
Agree.
These reissues are just like a cover band riding the coatails of the original
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:28, Reply)
which ones?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:43, Reply)
These
https://www.thedropdate.com/releases/nike-x-soulland-dunk-high-decon-ah9613-141
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:25, Reply)
I like 'em
They seem like a weird texture though, and I'm not 100% certain about that additional small blue swoosh...but overall they're good.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:07, Reply)
Sold out now anyway.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:09, Reply)
I thought your people called them 'trainers'

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:23, Reply)
lol peeps, like people said back in the day when social media wasn't a pervasive force in modern culture.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:23, Reply)
*nostalgia boner*

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:23, Reply)
morning. or evening, I'm not sure what mornings are any more

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:25, Reply)
It's always been a bit of a woolly concept.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:28, Reply)
like seven deceitful sheep?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:32, Reply)
Um...precisely.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:34, Reply)
con-sept m8

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:57, Reply)
con-voluted, more like

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:04, Reply)
contrived

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:24, Reply)
hahaha jokes are always funnier when you explain them

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:12, Reply)

oo i

lol
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:41, Reply)
cor!

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:57, Reply)
willy

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:39, Reply)
I'm the one who made the bet

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:52, Reply)
I just had a poo that made my bottom bleed,
And tomorrow we play a gig in a hipster coffee bar after hours. With Christmas coming up and hannukah going so well, I think this might be the best December ever. Oh, and Les Dennis followed me on twitter.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:03, Reply)
wow

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:05, Reply)
Yeah, don't get eggy with me Mr. Shoreditch gilbert and George top knot.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:15, Reply)
no real names plz

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:20, Reply)
I had drinks in Brixton in a bar made out of shipping containers in a car park.
What an absolute prick.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:24, Reply)
:(

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:08, Reply)
The Les Dennis?! You're living the dream

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:10, Reply)
Is he a racist or a paedo or anything?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:15, Reply)
he only molests black kids

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:17, Reply)
Well, everyone has a fetish I suppose.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:24, Reply)
Just another unhappy celebrity

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:33, Reply)
I think your band could make a bit more effort to have a name that fits in with the party spirit like the other two bands

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:15, Reply)
The headline band are pretty awful apparently.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:23, Reply)
I've been asked to play bass on a tour with a band called Shotgun Six.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:30, Reply)
Sounds very Tarantino.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:38, Reply)
I've just had a listen to their album.
I thought they were good when I heard them love but it doesn't seem to have translated very well to CD.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:06, Reply)
heard them love, lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:08, Reply)
Well now I look a wally

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:10, Reply)
'now'

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:32, Reply)
what happened to Charlie?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:53, Reply)
Dunno.
The singer/guitarist is called Chris Monger.
Lol. Mong.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:58, Reply)
tell them you want separate transport and your own personal rider

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:00, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:04, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:07, Reply)
Why did he follow you?
Is it because you' look like Dustin Gee or because of your ongoing campaign of death threats against Neil Morrissey?
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:45, Reply)
Ah duuuurnt really knuuuuuur!
lol
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:47, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:09, Reply)
Well roast my bird
only ten days to Christmas!

MORNPOPS
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:09, Reply)
What about ye?
Get ready for at least one "Are you ready for Christmas?" thread per day from now until then.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:23, Reply)
basically coasting downhill towards the xmas break up now
#ready #sozrich
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:09, Reply)
I've got an appointment with my GP later, hopefully get to the bottom of why still I'm not ready for Christmas

lol bottom
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:13, Reply)
lol like a bum

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:18, Reply)
lol in america they call a bum a fanny because they're all queers.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:43, Reply)
lol Christmarse

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:24, Reply)
good one

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:26, Reply)
You gonna take him a bottle of that expensive cognac?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:27, Reply)
I'm getting a bottle for £60, thanks to my brother in law who works for Majestic
Well chuffed
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:10, Reply)
clinical depression

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:32, Reply)
Yule tide log or something? Like a poo?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:44, Reply)
Alright Raggers
All Christmas jumpers are wank.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:27, Reply)
Surely that's their raison d'être?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:29, Reply)
I'm not sure jumpers live to wank m8

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:51, Reply)
We've invented self-driving cars.
How long before we create self-wanking jumpers? Is there no stopping the devastating path of science?
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:10, Reply)
I got ready for christmas yesterday
I started getting ready at about mid-day, and felt thoroughly ready by the time I went to bed. Today I feel like I had perhaps readied myself a little too much.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:38, Reply)
My farts smell really bad
Well actually, they smell exactly like the dinner I had yesterday. That's not normal, is it? I need a doctor to confirm this really.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:42, Reply)
You need to stop eating shit

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:43, Reply)
It was actually quite good
Considering they were catering for 62 people, I was quite impressed.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:47, Reply)
You have to guff on your doctor to find out

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:47, Reply)
Can I do that on BUPA?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:47, Reply)
btw
imgur.com/BnN5uFY
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:51, Reply)
haha
Believe it or not, Toad isn't at home....
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:53, Reply)
here's the whole thing
www.youtube.com/watch?v=U593bYo0IGw
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:58, Reply)
That's superb

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:05, Reply)
Pregamed it a little hard, did you?
Schoolboy error.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:48, Reply)
I think I came home at the right time, I'll say that

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:49, Reply)
That's always important.
I went to see that Star Wars motion picture last night and was tempted to pick up a couple of beers on the way home, but resisted the temptation and went to bed instead.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:57, Reply)
would you recommend the film to someone who doesn't care whether Han shot first or not?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 11:00, Reply)
Morning
Just had orders from Mr Pusey & Miss Dicks, today is off to a good start.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:56, Reply)
I bet she does! Cor!

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:59, Reply)
I used to sing Mass at Pusey House in Oxford of a Sunday morning.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:06, Reply)
You fucking choir nerd wanker

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:07, Reply)
Damn skippy.
One week the organ scholar and I started on the complimentary sherry after the service and drank more or less continuously thereafter until two in the morning, with a 45-minute break so he could go and play for Evensong while three sheets to the wind. Bloody students, eh?
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:14, Reply)
You're a fucking organ scholar mate.

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:17, Reply)
He'
I've studied a few organs in my time alright.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 10:27, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 6:45, Reply)
morning.
darkness recedes
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 6:46, Reply)
It's only my last day before I break up for Christmas!

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 6:54, Reply)

Woo yay houpla!
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 7:09, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 7:19, Reply)
Morning

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 7:50, Reply)
and what was in those ships all three?

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 7:58, Reply)
somali pirates

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:05, Reply)
I have you on ignore

(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 8:42, Reply)
HIYA!!!
Alright forum chums!
(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 19:06, Reply)
alright frank

(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 19:11, Reply)

Alright 2can
(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 20:37, Reply)
Alright fucksocks

(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 19:23, Reply)
No, I'm fucking not
our lodger is moving out and it turns out she's set up her direct debit for every 4 weeks instead of monthly. Basically, she's overpaid us by a month but as it was at the start and end of July we didn't notice. We can find it without too much hassle, but we're getting a new bathroom and we'll have to borrow now instead of paying outright. Oh well, thank fuck for 0% credit card deals for the creditworthy.
(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 19:26, Reply)
What, she paid a month's rent every 4 weeks?
Why??
(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 19:32, Reply)
Well, she paid every month
I just assumed the payment dates were a bit haphazard. I think that's what she's set up. That's the only reason I can see for it.
(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 19:52, Reply)
Are you quite sure she wasn't paying four weeks rent rather than a month?

(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 21:14, Reply)
We were charging on a PCM basis
I'm not going to retrospectively increase her rent. I'm just annoyed that she didn't tell us she was effectively a month ahead with the rent - messes up my cashflow. Have to shift stuff around now.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:58, Reply)
lol, living hand to mouth

(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 20:09, Reply)
I was going to say this, but then thought it was a touch too shambolic.

(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 20:55, Reply)
I am now regretting buying those Church's shoes
I may send them back.
(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 21:05, Reply)
If you got the ones that come with an apron and polishing kit keep them, the below that level ones are good shoes, but I'd rather buy shoe

(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 21:15, Reply)
They're costing me £135 so I'll see what they feel like when they arrive
I normally pay about half that for a pair so it's not insane opulence.
(, Fri 15 Dec 2017, 9:59, Reply)
Full on pizza oven.

(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 22:09, Reply)
turtle ... oh wait
:D :D
(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 22:14, Reply)
'Nobbie' is the name of my dealer and for the record,
he sells records ... oh wait, your name is Nobble. like nibble on a nob, my bad
(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 19:51, Reply)
alright shambles

(, Thu 14 Dec 2017, 22:30, Reply)

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