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MOR-NIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG!!!
Good *morning* flebryone!

And what are we up to this fine day? Mine's shaping up to be a fucking classic.
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 8:57, Reply)
Looks grin out, so I'll probably find an indoor activity, like sitting in the pub betting on horses

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:05, Reply)
Going up to Islington for lunch and shopping...with a side order of pub

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:11, Reply)
+es
lol
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:13, Reply)
lol

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:15, Reply)
lol

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:20, Reply)
lol

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:20, Reply)
Haha, I get it!
pubes! lol
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:39, Reply)
^^^^^

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:41, Reply)
Haha i know

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:15, Reply)

Islington for lunch and shopping...with a side order of pub the Royal Oak to play trufax or gake, yeah?
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:19, Reply)
Yeah, yeah?

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:20, Reply)

trufax or gake cock, muff, bumhole
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:26, Reply)
There's a raid on at the gym next to my gaff ìn a bit
Might go and see what all that's about
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:28, Reply)
It's Chris Packham m8
He's tooled up and looking for trouble
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:33, Reply)
Typical Packers, he's a fuckin psycho

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:35, Reply)
Got to hand it to him though, guy sure knows his dog penises

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:35, Reply)
Got to clean my room so I can give it up to some of the wife's family, next week. :(
Despite the kids not being here, most of what I'll be doing will revolve around them: sort out some summer activities, plan the twins birthday (gonna check out these chaps for ideas for boy twin, girl twin wants a shopping trip).
I think we're being taken out to dinner by the in-laws, this eve, so that'll be nice.
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:19, Reply)

'Ahh Geek Out is on Facebook. To connect with Ahh Geek Out, join Facebook today'

Nah
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:22, Reply)
facebook and comic books are two of your favourite things, surely?

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:35, Reply)
I want to buy some space marines but am unable to use the games workshop website because it's too complicated, can you buy them for me please so I end up paying an even higher price

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:25, Reply)
lol
We're working on the "avoid Games Workshop because all their shit is hideously overpriced" rule.
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:34, Reply)
Pub in a bit, party later, gonna get spangled

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:25, Reply)
Rave safe, yeah?

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:26, Reply)
Solid, yeah?

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:31, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8090728
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:34, Reply)

youtu.be/PqOtRY6zSjM
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:03, Reply)
Morning
Thinking of wondering down into London
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:27, Reply)
Bring a brolly, looks like rain
imgur.com/a/KDVDg
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:29, Reply)
what simpsons episode is this from?

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:34, Reply)
The one where the fat thick cunt makes a series of selfish remarks
but in the end he really is a good dad and husband after all.

So, all of them.
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:41, Reply)
But enough about your home life.

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:42, Reply)
The one where they don't know what colour to make the japanese guest star character

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:45, Reply)
Still the cladding on the buildings in front might warm things up

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:43, Reply)
Ha

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 9:53, Reply)
I had no idea what the fuck was going on till I read this, still no clear
www.forbes.com/sites/davidthier/2017/06/23/pokemon-go-is-rolling-out-its-raids-fast-level-requirement-down-to-28/amp/
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:01, Reply)
Yeah, morning, yeah.
Just got back from the osteopath, which proves there's a first time for everything. It was just next door to the ethnic district so I stopped off at my favourite Chinese grocer's and bought a motley assortment of stuff.
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:05, Reply)
I had a few osteopath appointments a few months ago, achieved fuck all
Seemed suspiciously like quackery
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:12, Reply)
He said it'd take two to three days before I saw the full effect.
Even if it doesn't do anything, it cost less than twenty quid so sod it.
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:19, Reply)
Blimey, all of them round here are 50 quid a go

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:22, Reply)
Yeah, these ones are all final-year students.
Seemed perfectly competent to me, not that I'm an expert in the matter or anything but I felt in capable hands. Wasn't expecting to have to strip down to my shreddies though.
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:26, Reply)
Heh yeah wasn't expecting the trousers off, my osteopath was a reasonably attractive older lady, did wonder if the 50 squid covered a happy finish

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:41, Reply)
Ha!
"Doctor, my groin's a little tight."
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:57, Reply)
I used to get treatment from student osteopaths. Seemed to alternate between nice young ladies and hairy men.
Never fixed my shoulder, though - ended up getting that fixed with Chinese medicine: acupuncture, cupping, and particularly vigorous massage. Did nothing for my generally skeptical worldview, mind.
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 11:12, Reply)
Cupping?

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 11:16, Reply)
Didn't involve my balls.

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 11:23, Reply)
Gutted

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 11:44, Reply)
Hmm.
It was my turn to get the hairy man this morning, although there was a nice young lady in the room observing. I think I'll give the vigorous massage a miss for the time being, given that some of the movements he put me through this morning gave me slight pain-related nausea.
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 11:59, Reply)
might look at some dog penises
can anyone recommend a guide or video to get me started?
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:35, Reply)
www.webuyanycock.com

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 10:51, Reply)
The first 3 seasoins of 'Packham's Penises' are amazing, byt the later ones aren't so good

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 12:01, Reply)
Watching telly, bit of knitting
Stroll down to mum's for lunch, then back home for a nice shower, a glass of wine and Doctor Who
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 11:49, Reply)
Mellow

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 12:02, Reply)
I deserve it

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 12:09, Reply)
afternoon, yeah?

(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 12:03, Reply)
Just got up.
Gonna have a shower. Might go to Libfest after I've had a bacon sammidge and a couple of Buds.
(, Sat 24 Jun 2017, 13:06, Reply)
Alright - I just booked a holiday to the Dominican Republic.
What are you looking forward to? You horrible cunts.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 21:12, Reply)
alright dribble

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 21:48, Reply)
spanishtragedy thread

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 21:49, Reply)
My mate had bought a motorbike.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 21:56, Reply)
And he wanted to show you his willy?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 21:58, Reply)
Yes. And his copy of the history of dog penises by Chris Packham on DVD.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:08, Reply)
Busy evening.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:11, Reply)
Watching a bit of Glasto.
It's not my bag.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:15, Reply)
It's total fucking wank shit

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:18, Reply)
What I've heard on the radio has been shit.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:21, Reply)
It's been shit for the last ten years or so.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:22, Reply)
Try 25

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:03, Reply)
I am not old enough to have watched Glastonbury 25 years ago
Showing your age there beefy bothams foot penis
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:16, Reply)
I'm enjoying radiohead, I like radiohead.
Most of the rest I've heard is a bit poo.
There's bands I do like playing but I'm too lazy to look them out on iplayer
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:23, Reply)
100% your DR blog when you get there

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 21:59, Reply)
I will do. Only a couple of weeks off.
I will report every single time I pay for sex for dribble and SS
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:05, Reply)
well done
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrLvrPnyt48
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:09, Reply)
I haven't clicked that because I haven't clicked that
However should I live stream my liaisons with sex workers for SS you reckon?

He could wank his little mushroom until it's a bleeding stump.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:23, Reply)
not sure

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 21:59, Reply)
christmas?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:01, Reply)
Go fuck yourself

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:05, Reply)
You know what, our beefy looks a bit like Thom Yorke.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:09, Reply)
Ever see them in the same room together?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:17, Reply)
No.
But I never see Thom Yorkes eyes in the same room either.

So that doesn't prove much.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:19, Reply)
My old flatmate got a letter from Thom Yorke.
Big woop, huh?
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:22, Reply)
I got a letter from the metropolitan police force
They can go fuck themselves as can Thom yorke
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:16, Reply)
Nope.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 22:24, Reply)
Fuck off m8

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:05, Reply)
Top knot twins

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:06, Reply)
If you have a top knot I am putting you on ignore

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:07, Reply)
Anyone want to buy an mx5 Mk1?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:07, Reply)
Eunos or you can fuck off.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:09, Reply)
Why this is so much the better engine.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:17, Reply)
Jap car pricks love an import eunos because they have some bizarre fantasy about bikes built for the Japanese market were better.
Because they're pricks.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:30, Reply)
You are a prick m4x2

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:33, Reply)
Actually, buy some eunos badges off ebay, write to the DVLA and claim it's an import,
Some fucking complete wanker will buy it for sure.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:10, Reply)
I am looking at a Porsche boxter now but £6,000 so need to shift this for at least £1,200

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:18, Reply)
Stop buying shit cars

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:31, Reply)
Really?
Stop buying wank bikes m8
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:33, Reply)
1 out of 3 of my bikes is fine.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:39, Reply)
Deserves a fine you mean.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:44, Reply)
One out of my TWO cars is fucking excellent.
I think my ratio is better.

And I have a big black dong.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 23:45, Reply)
Hello, yeah?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:26, Reply)
Beefy mcbeef
mate of mine just phoned to apologise for running late for a party we're going to tomorrow, poor chap was convinced today was Saturday.

Either he has early onset alzheimers, or he's a fucking twat.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:28, Reply)
I've got a guess

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:30, Reply)

guess micropenis
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:37, Reply)
Double micropenis

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:40, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8090646
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 20:09, Reply)
Infest

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 20:54, Reply)
The captain with small parts

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 21:01, Reply)
my missus woke up thinking it was Saturday today
Her idea is that whenever you do that, you should automatically have the day off to compensate you for that feeling of utter dejection that you get when you realise it's not.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:37, Reply)
gake

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:28, Reply)
no way, trufax m8

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:37, Reply)
Wovoka

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:30, Reply)
Have you had a stroke?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:37, Reply)
Would you like one?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:38, Reply)
I'll probably have one tomorrow morning.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 19:14, Reply)
mate of mine just text or ask if I've got an hour spare because he's got something to show me.
I'm hoping it's something cool.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:30, Reply)
I bet it's his winkie

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:32, Reply)

show tell
He's got something to say
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:36, Reply)
it's a DVD on dog penises through the ages, presented by Chris Packham

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:38, Reply)
What is wrong with you?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:40, Reply)
I've lost my mind through boredom
Nice bottle of Hennessy coming with Ocado in a bit, good old Fathers Day
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:46, Reply)

mind through boredom DVD on dog penises through the ages, presented by Chris Packham
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:47, Reply)
I've got the director's cut

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 18:28, Reply)
+n
lol
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 18:41, Reply)
not cool
that's misogyny
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 18:49, Reply)
It's more like Tennis Elbow

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 18:55, Reply)
Strike through T, you pervert

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 20:06, Reply)
I've got some blossom gin courtesy of the SCR garden party.
Might be appalling shit mind
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:58, Reply)
I bet it's some shit in a fucking box

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:56, Reply)
What is wrong with you?
/ac
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:59, Reply)
I'm not the one going round showing people boxes full of shit

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 18:04, Reply)
Boyce has got DVDVDsDv of Doggo penus

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 18:25, Reply)
He's disgusting, isn't he

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 18:40, Reply)
Look it was a present from Mike Lindup ok

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 19:02, Reply)
Wank wanky wanky wank wank wank wanky, yeah?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:56, Reply)
Yeah?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:57, Reply)
my kid's being a right fucking cunt tonight

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 19:11, Reply)
*obligatory post commenting on the distance apples fall from trees*

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 19:15, Reply)
Coming up to the terrible 2s which start at around 18 months

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 19:33, Reply)
I've just abandoned my kids in a field.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 20:22, Reply)
Makes a change from dropping them at the pool, I suppose

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 20:27, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 20:46, Reply)
Haha!

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 21:51, Reply)
They say it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
But what do they know, hmm? What do you know?
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:03, Reply)
Not sure I'd agree with that tbh.
I mean I agree overall, but there are some cases when I'd definitely have preferred not to have loved at all.

Yeah, OK, this is a not very interesting and pretty beakery answer. Sorry about that.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:04, Reply)
I reckon you can't miss what you've never had.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:06, Reply)
But when you almost had something and you didn't, coming that close drives you a bit mental wondering what it would have been like if you had got it.
In certain cases.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:08, Reply)
Exactly.
Best to just shun human contact and avoid getting your heart broken.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:10, Reply)
^tggi

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:01, Reply)
I know right

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:06, Reply)
Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me saying, I really don't think you're strong enough, no.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:09, Reply)
You gays and your disco music!

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:12, Reply)
lasers and sparkles and poppers, oh my!

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:12, Reply)
Put like that, it sounds alright.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:16, Reply)
sounds like fun
except for the headache from the poppers
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:19, Reply)
foul stuff

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:33, Reply)
it gives me uncontrollable fits of giggles
and makes my face very hot but, other than that, it's not bad
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:35, Reply)
I used to cane it on nights out with pills.
Left the club with blue lips and paler than a vampire.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:37, Reply)
that's what i usually look like
only problem i ever had with pills was having to be kept away from mirrors
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:39, Reply)
mine was to stop treble dropping at 9am while at house parties.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:00, Reply)
that's about the time i'm talking bollocks in the gazebo
and trying to drink my own bodyweight in bacardi
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:02, Reply)
Happy days.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:07, Reply)
yep
next sesh should be about this time next month
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:20, Reply)
I really cant anymore...
Its more a chore being high now... aside from weed. That I love. lol
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:21, Reply)
how old are you?
i'm 42 and annoyed that most of my mates can't pull a weekender any more
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:27, Reply)
Just as well we don't live near each other

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:33, Reply)
i think if we lived closer to each other it could trigger an apocalypse
or something of that nature
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:35, Reply)
35... I started early.
Its just the fact I dont mind being high... for a couple hours. Then the horrendous comedown.
No thanks.

Im pretty shit with hangovers now too.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
never really suffered from comedowns
and a hangover's easy to deal with. gallon of tea and spicy noodles.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:41, Reply)
My retching stomach says otherwise...

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:41, Reply)
you delicate snowflake

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:47, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 16:25, Reply)
They give me a pounding headache.
Lol pounding.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:39, Reply)
lol

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:45, Reply)
even after this comment, i assumed the original post meant party poppers

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:04, Reply)
Bless

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:06, Reply)
i'm too innocent for this world

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:23, Reply)
you need jelly and ice cream

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:28, Reply)
I had Chic on while I was cooking me tea last night, don't bring it.
That autotuned-monstrosity is truly awful though.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:16, Reply)
Always knew you were a freak.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:18, Reply)
Nile was the boss. A few brief seconds of wah-wah before launching fully into inside out is fantastic opening to an album imo imo imo.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:20, Reply)
I thought his name was spelled "Niall".
Silly me.
I also thought he was dead.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:23, Reply)
There was a Niall I worked with who insisted his name was pronounced 'Niel'.
I still think he was getting his own name wrong.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:24, Reply)
#coolstoryslipperymick

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:25, Reply)
I work with someone whose got what appears to be an anglicised spelling of a Welsh name.
Puts my teeth on edge.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:27, Reply)
Still releasing tunes.
Didn't he play on that Get Lucky song?

Also featured on the campest single of last year "The Other Boys" by Nervo ft Kylie and that queer from scissor Sisters.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:36, Reply)
I quite like Get Lucky.
That other one sounds shite tho'.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:39, Reply)
If I was gay I'd be deeply ashamed of the Scissor Sisters

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:48, Reply)
bit harsh
i can't decide is a belter of a song
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:56, Reply)
First album was great... So was Night Work.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:01, Reply)

gay n't so deep in the closet that I'd befriended a talking lion,
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:07, Reply)
i disagree
if you've truly loved and lost, that pain will be with you forever. if you've never loved at all, you will have no basis for comparison and will never feel that pain.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:10, Reply)
i know this coppers in for some pisstaking
www.lancashiretelegraph.co.uk/resources/images/6495929
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:12, Reply)
lol. someone fetch the towrope.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:17, Reply)
Arf

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:30, Reply)
who says that?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:19, Reply)
people trying to make themselves feel better after being dumped like a moist turd

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:20, Reply)
They do.
It's not like I haven't named my source.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:24, Reply)
I thought 'they' were usually more succinct.
Like this.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:26, Reply)
Haha, imagine living in a world where the population are lulled into compliance by the media!
What a dystopia that would be.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:30, Reply)
Roddy Piper isn't going to save us now :(

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:39, Reply)
I'm all out of bubblegum in his honour.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:43, Reply)
:D

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:51, Reply)
pakis

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:34, Reply)
I hope manolith bans you for this hate speech.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:38, Reply)
so do I

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:40, Reply)
The Chinese way, m8 - who knows what they know?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:39, Reply)
I always used to think Mark King of Level 42 looked like if David Soul had facial reconstruction surgery
And that Mike Lindup was the biggest gaylord of all time
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:40, Reply)
I think you're right m8

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:42, Reply)
how I know:
www.b3ta.com/questions/theinlaws/post2628618
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:47, Reply)

After years of performing the same comedy sketch at performances, Tony Hawks decides to find inspiration for his scripts by travelling around Ireland with a portable fridge.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:41, Reply)
Good thinking.
Skateboarding isn't a viable long-term career.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:44, Reply)
What. A. Cunt.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:46, Reply)
let's hope it's one of them dodgy hotpoint ones.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:41, Reply)
You know what *I* say, m8?
Wank wanky wanky wank wanky wanky wank wank, that's what
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:44, Reply)
yeah right

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:46, Reply)
I reckon someone is putting words in your mouth.
Amongst other things.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:46, Reply)
Yeah, pies

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:49, Reply)
Hey

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:52, Reply)
Lies and Pies.
That's your life story m8
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:55, Reply)
My secret shame :(

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:55, Reply)
you're going to struggle to keep the pie thing secret

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:57, Reply)
I plan on wearing a lot of black

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:05, Reply)
strikethrough wearing and replace with eating and add cock on the end of the sentence

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:12, Reply)
Yes

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:13, Reply)
don't lie, no you never

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:46, Reply)
I say it all the time, m8
I said it my Nan last Christmas. I don't give a heck
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:51, Reply)
I wouldn't mind, m8, but it's just such an obvious lie

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:53, Reply)
What a load of wank

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:49, Reply)
I'm a bit bored.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:26, Reply)
I've got plenty to be getting on with,
but I cba.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:31, Reply)
Haha, that stands for 'african bum cleaner'

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 16:09, Reply)
Skill!

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 16:20, Reply)
Yay!

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 16:31, Reply)
^

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 16:14, Reply)
listen to some Londonbeat

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 15:42, Reply)
I'm on Digital Underground at the minute.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 16:14, Reply)
William Bell now.
lol, willy bell!!
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 16:23, Reply)
floof
www.facebook.com/officialbadcat/videos/1724563064511525/
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 16:42, Reply)
WHERE'S MCBEEF?
pbs.twimg.com/media/DDAlmWTXUAAFzh_.jpg
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 16:52, Reply)
Looks like an effective chastity belt.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 16:59, Reply)
unless you bump into the man himself, then it's like a rag to a bull

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:02, Reply)
Shut up, looser's
It's the fackin weekend innit. I'm off to Glastonbury! Or as I call it, 'Glasto'. I do this because I'm a total fucking cunt. I can't wait to see 'Zayn Malik' on the Barclaycard stage! On Sunday afternoon I'll ironically enjoy some old cunt like Barry Manilow. It's going to be amazeballs!
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:49, Reply)
Who is the token old wanker?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:50, Reply)
Richard McBeef

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:50, Reply)
Come on m8, Boyce isn't THAT old

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:54, Reply)
he remembers the Stone Henge opening gig ffs

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:07, Reply)
:)

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:24, Reply)
Rolf Harris

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:56, Reply)
I am in Liverpool getting a passport.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:50, Reply)
Hope you car doesn't get nicked

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:57, Reply)
Taken the train.
My car is in the Audi bodyshop having some repairs done, because I am a dozy cunt.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:59, Reply)
In which case I hope your train doesn't get nicked

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:00, Reply)
That would be a disaster

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:02, Reply)
eagle's blood etc

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:01, Reply)
I've been camping there since Monday morning
you don't get the full Glasto experience unless you camp for at least two weeks
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:54, Reply)
I'm still there from last year

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:56, Reply)
I thought the full Glasto experience was spending a week surrounded by dick heads dressed like they're in a Strongbow advert.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:56, Reply)
That's all very well but what nommies will you nomming on ?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:56, Reply)
Prolly nom some overnight oats and some avocado toast at £15 a pop from the M&S 'zone'
Then I'll go to the 'gym zone' for a fucking massage or something, then back to my air conditioned tent to watch the day's highlights on a 50" telly.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:59, Reply)
The day I heard my sister use the term 'glamping'
Was the day I realised I no longer knew her
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:02, Reply)
I've been glamping.
At least, I think I have - we went to a campsite and stayed in a yurt. Wasn't particularly glamorous, if I'm honest.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:05, Reply)
You wanker.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:10, Reply)
lol
We went foraging and ate battered dandelion flowers, too.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:14, Reply)
Sounds almost as good as the Vodafone PWC Treworgey Tree Fair at Starbucks.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:03, Reply)
*cries*
Festivals are supposed to look like this:

c2.staticflickr.com/6/5022/5880598884_794aefa2f4_b.jpg
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:09, Reply)
I don't see a cartier sponsored champagne tasting bar anywhere in that shot

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:12, Reply)
VW bus, Citroen DS in the background
bunch of wanky hipster pricks who should have all died from Hep C by now.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:13, Reply)
Nice Commer van though, not seen one of those in yonks

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:13, Reply)
I used to know someone who lived in one

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:14, Reply)
'know' in the biblical sense, you massive bumder

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:15, Reply)
She was quite attractive actually
SO THERE
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:19, Reply)
I'd love a DS.
You might like this grrry, these are all showing at my local:

i.imgur.com/K2DDQed.png
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:32, Reply)
Drive is a pretentious sack of wank
and the lauded Kravinsky soundtrack is soporific bollocks
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:35, Reply)
Classic grrry, show him a list of good films and he starts bleating about the one not very good one.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:40, Reply)
Bullitt's just a game of "spot the green beetle"
and IIRC the car the Mustang is chasing loses 7 hubcaps, because it obvs has that many wheels.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:50, Reply)
Rule of Cool, innit?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:51, Reply)
who gives a shit?
You're one of these wankers who starts huffing and puffing about how ACTUALLY Superman could never actually fly like that ACTUALLY
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:59, Reply)
superhero movies are shit and for mongoloids, hth

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:04, Reply)
I don't enjoy them either tbh

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:25, Reply)
They're exactly the sort of films that I wanted when I was a kid, but filmmaking wasn't up to it at that point in time.
It gets a bit weird when they start to pitch them at people my age, though.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:36, Reply)
Some of them are alright, but 90% of them are now made for people who are happy to passively absorb pabulum.
It's easier not to bother when there's a whole world of brilliant films from the 70's and 40's I haven't seen.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:05, Reply)
can you make a quick list of "Films We Haven't Seen But Should"?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:09, Reply)
n

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:11, Reply)
mongy's right, it's all about food on here.
I like my cinema to be a fairly passive experience.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:34, Reply)
shitmuncher

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:58, Reply)
Oh, like that, is it?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:01, Reply)
Get a room, Statler and Waldorf.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:36, Reply)
*googles*
*belms*
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:51, Reply)
well i thought it was funny

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:04, Reply)
I rather enjoyed that film.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:46, Reply)
You're not getting away with that one m8y, not by a long chalk.
Drive is the best neo-noir film since Blade Runner and I fucking love Kavinsky.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:28, Reply)
bulllit is one of the few films where you can still afford to buy the watch that mcqueen wore, benrus military watch, probably because he was a copper

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:52, Reply)
they just found one of the stunt Mustangs in a Mexican scrapyard
it'll be worth millions when restored.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:05, Reply)
you filthy fucking hippy

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:13, Reply)
y
I never even used to take a toothbrush
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:14, Reply)
Nor me.
Quick swill out with some warm beer (because that's the only liquid in your tent) and off you go.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:41, Reply)
Never even had a tent at most of them tbh

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:43, Reply)
I'm sure there are boobs in that picture somewhere but I'm too lazy to look for them right now.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:13, Reply)
I'm off to a folk festival, in a couple of weeks.
You can pre-order picnic hampers, for collection on the day - it's gonna be well middle class!
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:03, Reply)
I went to an opera festival like that once.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:04, Reply)
When I lived near Leeds Castle, I could sit out in my garden and listen to all their live music events.
Access to a fridge, and indoor plumbing, makes festivals infinitely more pleasurable. Except that time they had Simply Red on, and I had to stay in with the windows closed, that was rubbish.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:07, Reply)
Now that I wouldn't mind.
Except Simply Red, of course. They can fuck right off.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:11, Reply)
I bet Mark Radcliffe is there

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:22, Reply)
I bet Russell Kane is, too

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:31, Reply)
I'll see if I can get a selfie with him.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:32, Reply)
I'm so there

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:38, Reply)
I miss my old Transit camper
imgur.com/5TGS4ac
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:08, Reply)
You seen that mrk1 rs capri for sale, 60k

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:10, Reply)
not seen it, but doesn't surprise me
70s Fords are stupidly overpriced, I smashed so many at the Dover banger track in the 90s because they were all rotten turds.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:12, Reply)
fuck that noise
my idea of hell
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:08, Reply)
the success of a festival seems to be entirely on who you go with
doesn't matter how great the musicians are if you're camping with dickheads, yet the best mates can easily make up for an awful weekend in wet mud with shit sounds.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:10, Reply)
lol like I have any mates

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:11, Reply)
no really this lonliness is killing me

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:16, Reply)
good

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:21, Reply)
You've just reminded me of Britney in her school uniform phase
and I am in no way mad about this.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:22, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKR5g8tAmz4
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:25, Reply)
She can't have been over 18 when that record came out.
What's the age of consent in the US?
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:28, Reply)
let's lynch him anyway

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:32, Reply)
Yeah!
*riles mob*
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:35, Reply)
she was born in 1981, that song's from '98
That's when she started doing her stupid lick-the-teeth Ls as well.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:37, Reply)
Wasn't it her debut single?
Or are you familiar with her early, white label, releases?
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:50, Reply)
she did all that Disney Club bollocks as a kid
same as Aguilera
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:06, Reply)
You strike me as slightly too old to have been watching that.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:12, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8090481
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:14, Reply)
she's older than I am

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:16, Reply)
Aw, bless!

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:20, Reply)
Pleasant radio surprise: floppy boot stomp.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:09, Reply)
I don't think I'd enjoy music festivals any more now that I no longer take massive drugs.
Might watch it on the telly though. Make sure you wave at the TV cameras so we can spot you.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:45, Reply)
I last went to a festival in about 1991 and I never will again. Fuck. That.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:01, Reply)
I last went to a festival last weekend and I almost certainly will again

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:04, Reply)
well now I don't know what to believe

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:34, Reply)
I didn't even take any drugs because apparently I don't need drugs to have a good time

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:03, Reply)
yeah, but then you actually have to go to the effort of having a good time.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:08, Reply)

the kids are all going wild down the front
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:18, Reply)
I'm smiling politely

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:20, Reply)
As if you ever smile.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:23, Reply)

media.giphy.com/media/l0HluzIyS3pV1JIFq/200.gif
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
accurate

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:33, Reply)
I hope you get to see David 'Fuck Me I'm Famous' Guetta, he's awfully good

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:43, Reply)
might post some lies on qftw

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:16, Reply)

l p
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:42, Reply)

l chunky fr
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:42, Reply)

l dead bab
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:43, Reply)
Commute tales.
This morning, there was an above middle-aged, white fellow on my tram who had a flat top, mullet style haircut... and if that wasn't bad enough he had 2 huge, matted shit locks coming off the back of the mullet, down to his arse.
Rotten.

What's the worst thing you saw on your travels today?
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:49, Reply)
I tend to keep my eyes on the road ahead.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:56, Reply)
unless you're passing jogging ladies.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:58, Reply)
I have the dashcam for that, saves it for when my attention isn't needed elsewhere.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:59, Reply)
^ not sitting in the back seat with Fred

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:02, Reply)
Wilma was too good for him.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:05, Reply)
Dunno, kind of just switched off tbh.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:58, Reply)
In the morning,
if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser.
Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine.
I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.
There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours
and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:00, Reply)
"an herb" makes my skin crawl.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:04, Reply)
^
As does "an historical".
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:18, Reply)
"H" isn't a vowel, people!
I could probably get upset over the pronunciation of "H", too.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:43, Reply)
it's based on an historical pronunciation
a short stay in an hotel might calm you down a bit
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:52, Reply)
:(

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 11:00, Reply)
Sounds gay M8

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:06, Reply)
" I use a water activated gel cleanser"
I too use soap.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:07, Reply)
I saw a bit of fluff on the stairs as I went to my office

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:01, Reply)
I work from home, so that makes this my problem and I'm not paid enough to deal with this shit

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:02, Reply)
Bit of a sexist way to talk about your female colleagues m8.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:02, Reply)
A pigeon tucking into a large splattery puddle of chunky orange vomit outside Old Street Station.
Nice one 'silicon roundabout', you buzzing hub of excitement.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:08, Reply)
Rotten.
I like it when seagulls bully them.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:13, Reply)
I saw a man do a spunk
only get this - poo came out of his helmit
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:23, Reply)
That was me m8

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:27, Reply)
That was Beefy

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:28, Reply)
I cycle in to work and it's normally fairly easy going,
Although the infrastructure isn't really there, there are so many cyclists that the majority of drivers are pretty easy going around the bikes. There's an odd wanker about that shoots past real close just to slam his brakes on at the next lights, or try and pull in tight to the pavement to stop you coming by. Its a weird mentality, happens on the motorbike as well, people seem to think it's unfair if you get past them, it's one step away from blocking bus lanes
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:27, Reply)
you should post this on /links
they love an argument about who is worse out of cyclists and drivers
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:36, Reply)
You know who is the worst?
/links.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:37, Reply)
Also after reading all that shit i just typed I think commute chat might be as good as Birmingham chat.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:30, Reply)
I went to Edgbaston yesterday
it's quite nice round there
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:34, Reply)
Yeah, but you live in Coventry so almost everywhere is nice in comparison.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:35, Reply)
That's where my sister lived when she was at university
It didn't seem all that nice tbh
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:36, Reply)
Yeah, but I live in Coventry so almost everywhere is nice in comparison.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:41, Reply)
i've no stories about either, i'll just wait for the foood/music chat to begin, won't be long

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:39, Reply)
Tried the new Pokemon gyms out yet?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:39, Reply)
Spun a couple, not battled yet

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:47, Reply)
You're mardy about most things, so it's all good.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:45, Reply)
Don't be a fucking nob jason.
/ac
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:47, Reply)
The massive bird shit on my kitchen window

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:32, Reply)
That's no way to talk about your Aunt

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:33, Reply)
She's been low maintenance this week
And she's planning to go away for the weekend soon, which will be nice for both of us
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:36, Reply)
Ask the massive bird to stop

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:33, Reply)
Seagulls mate
They don't listen
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:37, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 6:59, Reply)
Fuck you

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:45, Reply)
well that's pissed on my cornflakes

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:48, Reply)
Well, to make you feel better,
I'm about to start on the next bike, so I might have a laundry list of parts for you.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:55, Reply)
no dramas
as long as you've got the readies, I'm happy to post your rusty czech shit for you.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:56, Reply)
Thanks m8

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:57, Reply)
Alright, "Ching Chong Chinaman"

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:55, Reply)
morning grrr
I've left my wallet in a work vehicle, which has been taken to Scotland for servicing. I am a Class A mong
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:55, Reply)
that's a special kind of stupid for a Friday

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:57, Reply)
Well,
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'Select amount to withdraw' and then select 'Next'
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Follow the prompts for Emergency Cash and enter your cash code
You can use the cash code yourself, or text it to someone else to use.

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There is a limit of two Get Cash codes a day and only one code can be provided at a time
You must have at least £10 available funds to withdraw from your account
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:58, Reply)
oh cheers that's actually helpful

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:01, Reply)
Some people think I'm bonkers, but I just think I'm free, man, I'm just living my life ain't nothing crazy bout me BONKERS

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:56, Reply)
is that your get-up-and-go tune?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:58, Reply)
He's on Glastonbury this weekend,
I think I'll watch a fair bit of it on the box
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:59, Reply)
is stormzy on?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:13, Reply)
saturday I think

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:15, Reply)
Yeah, saturday.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:19, Reply)
ok new gyms are actually up now
Not wildly different but a bit better I think
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:43, Reply)
yeah look a bit better, and at least you can get items now

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:52, Reply)
Hi.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:57, Reply)
punctual as always
(this is a joke on the full stop you posted, hth).
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:03, Reply)
^ thnake with a lithp

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:51, Reply)
I'm not wearing pants today
MORNING!
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:00, Reply)
^ French bus driver

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:04, Reply)
Bonjour
j'e n'avez pas les knickers
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:19, Reply)
Voulez-vous emprunter à moi?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:36, Reply)
Gardez vos petites culottes

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:45, Reply)
Ils sont trop petits pour votre gros cul

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:52, Reply)
Le string, sinon rien.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:54, Reply)
Son cul ressemblerait à un jambon de Noël

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:56, Reply)
Et mon cul, c'est du poulet?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:07, Reply)
I'm going to be late in today, can someone cover for me?

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:03, Reply)
I can call your boss and pretend to be your grieving spouse if you like

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:05, Reply)
no

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:14, Reply)
*picks up curry stained piece of card*
this is yours is it?

*punches in, bits of byriani and a toenail clipping fly out of the side of the machine*

Urgh.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:21, Reply)
willy

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:07, Reply)
bum bum

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:08, Reply)
willy willy

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:30, Reply)
Everybody get your knees out: it's summer.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:24, Reply)
damn right
it's absolutely pissing it down over here
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:35, Reply)
Weeeeeeeeeelllllllllll
You know ya make me wanna SHART!
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:25, Reply)
Pull my pants down and, SHART!

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:28, Reply)
Ease my cheeks apart and, SHART!

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:31, Reply)
Strain my face red, come on now

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:34, Reply)
Don't forget to spray the lid

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:35, Reply)
+f

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 8:37, Reply)
I'm an atheist, anarchist writer:
I don't believe in the human construct of God and I'm self-governed only by freedom of speech, as defined by Amnesty as a human right. I write fiction and non-fiction,
under my own name and as a freelance copywriter and ghostwriter. I'm also an alcoholic with chronic depression. I'm a regular contributor of short fiction to a webzine
and I've had over 40 stories published online and in print. I've published a semi-autobiographical novel, an anthology and an award-winning children's book.
I'm working on a sci-fi novel and I continue to write short stories for a second collection. The rest is contained within this blog, where I wear my heart on my sleeve and tell it as it is, or how I see things.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:04, Reply)
good for you m8

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:05, Reply)
I think I'm in love

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:06, Reply)
I don't even know what to say. I'm going to die. He reached out and touched my hand and I don't know what to do. He's an amazing actor and I've loved him ever since I studied him in year 11 in A-Level drama. I can't cope!

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:24, Reply)
This is /talk m8, not /tinder.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:07, Reply)
... Blood. Crimson blood. Her blood. Blood.
And piss and shit.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:20, Reply)
Bullshit

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:21, Reply)
Morning all!

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:12, Reply)
hullo smasher

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:13, Reply)
alright The Klumps

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:23, Reply)
Silly person

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:35, Reply)

The Klumps Electric Boogaloo
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:39, Reply)

The Klumps It's Nothing Personal
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:42, Reply)

The Klumps The Desolation of Smaug
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:45, Reply)
This isn't as much fun as I thought it might be.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:47, Reply)
it's really not

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:48, Reply)
Needed some puns, then it could have been good.
"Working Smash Monkey's username into taglines from film sequels" sounds like hard work, though.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 9:58, Reply)
That's why I haven't done it
I love desolation of Smaug though
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 10:34, Reply)
Anybody here do much camping?
Purchasing a tent this coming weekend and looking for some recommendations for decent camp sites for me and my boy.

Sorry it's not an "alright" thread.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 23:48, Reply)
since my tent was cut open in 2006 on the island of Mo'orea I haven't owned a tent and therefore have not camped *sniffle*

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 1:08, Reply)
I met Barbara Windsor once,
does that count?
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 2:21, Reply)
I've still got my trangia stove drom my Duke of Edinburgh days
hth
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 6:28, Reply)
Me, camp as fuck, I am.
www.wowo.co.uk/ - love it here, and so do the kids; every pitch has a space to light a fire (there's a brewery down the road, too).
If you want more of the traditional holiday facilities, the Haven sites are worth a look - you'll have access to swimming pools, activities, and a place to eat/drink (but the one I stayed at didn't have any communal fridges).
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 7:53, Reply)
MONO's bumhole

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 22:25, Reply)
My internet is playing up.
All I wanted to do was slob out in front of Amazon, instead I've had to go around the house and reboot everything (whilst the ice in my drink melted).
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 22:44, Reply)
How many items is 'everything'?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 22:59, Reply)
Two routers.
It was a truly herculean task, as both needed to be restarted twice before the problem resolved. And I cycled the power on the powerline adapters, first, and had to start up my pc (twice!) to confirm it was all sorted.

I think I deserve a medal.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 23:43, Reply)
It sounds like your internet connectivity ISNA right ragbag of various boxes and extenders.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 23:49, Reply)
Don't bring the Islamic Society of North America into this.
The TP-Link modem/router hasn't been quite as reliable as I'd like, but it's still an improvement over the BT HomeHubs that we've had. Upgrading the powerline adaptors solved most of my earlier problems, though.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 23:50, Reply)
Can't wait until houses are patched with network like offices.

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 0:09, Reply)
It's one of those things that I'd mandate for new builds.
As it is, I'm tempted to go door to door down my street and ensure that no one's WiFi overlaps (pretty sure that would out me as the local weirdo, though).
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 0:12, Reply)
:(((

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 23:40, Reply)
Probably the best bumhole in the world

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 23:01, Reply)

Pro Dig abl
+igg
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 23:39, Reply)
Arsenic Chat on radio 4 just now, bit weird

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 0:46, Reply)
So what's for dinner? And what music are you currently enjoying?
Bye
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:26, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:28, Reply)
new gyms are live, trainers

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 21:47, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:28, Reply)
Dodo breast in an arrogant jus with stinging nettles and hollyhocks
while I put on this wax cylinder of three bonobos farting Tczajkowski, digipack edition.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:36, Reply)
Chana Masala. Donald Bird.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:36, Reply)
FAT CUNTS AND DOG DICKS.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:37, Reply)
Their debut is alright, but I think they went downhill after that; started sounding a bit overproduced and lost a certain rawness.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:44, Reply)
AND PISSING ON KITTENS
PROBING MY BUMHOLE WITH TRACTORS FROM BRITAINS
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:04, Reply)
FIREPROOF CLADDING AND GOVERNMENTS THAT CLING
THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:15, Reply)
Cod Mornay, and Muna

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:47, Reply)
are those the names of two fish?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:02, Reply)
the the comma would be misplaced!

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:07, Reply)
Normally only the colons you mistreat, eh

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:10, Reply)
so hard you'd need a bracket.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:13, Reply)
What would your parenthesis think

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:32, Reply)
my ellipsis are sealed

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:38, Reply)
we can keep this up tilde cows come home

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:58, Reply)
I can't, I need to dash.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 19:38, Reply)
Will you bunch of umlaut pricks please sort yourselves the fuck out.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 20:07, Reply)
Fucken bees or summat, I dunno

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:21, Reply)
???
edibug.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/recipe-bee-lt-sandwich/


en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bees
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:42, Reply)
Exactly

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:53, Reply)
^paid the chicken back

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:56, Reply)
They're from IOW, I believe
I could click on the wiki link to find out for sure, but y'know.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 19:08, Reply)
they are indeed
from ventnor
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 19:10, Reply)
What's the vegetarian option?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:54, Reply)
cram a load of honeycomb up your dickhole

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:56, Reply)


(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 19:09, Reply)
i may have misunderstood vegetarianism

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 19:36, Reply)
Instructions unclear; crunchie stuck in penis.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 19:40, Reply)
Not ANOTHER Friday feeling, groans A&E doctor

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 19:48, Reply)
leave it there until tomorrow
get that friday feeling
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 19:50, Reply)
Quinoa salad with prosciutto, and a melodic dubstep mix.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 18:53, Reply)
^gentrification personified

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 20:08, Reply)
I'll have you know my little finger is perfectly vertical with each spoonful of quinoa that I take.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 20:30, Reply)
Revolting Cocks.
Although I haven't decided on the music option yet.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 20:06, Reply)
Chilli
And I'm currently enjoying Ott, they're a bit good
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 20:09, Reply)
i'm not taking this obvious bait

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 21:12, Reply)
Tell us what you think about the women's liberation. Tell me! Tell me!
Not my words, Carol, but the words of 1989 piano house classic 'Grand Piano' by The Mixmaster. Seriously, don't *actually* tell me. Please.

OK well Birmingham chat is starting to look a little bit better in comparison to this shit. Fuck it, I'm too hot and my brain doesn't work properly.

RIGHT. What do you want to discuss?
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:31, Reply)
That's a fucking excellent bit of piano house that.
Tyree Cooper, the producer.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:33, Reply)
That line always reminds me of Ronnie Corbett's monologues form the chair

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:34, Reply)
haha.
I am listening to The Horace Silver Quintet - Total Response.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:42, Reply)

The
Silver Quintet - Total Response
Goes Skiing
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:45, Reply)
SkiFree 4 lyf

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:46, Reply)
I always hated that bit :(

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:54, Reply)
I grew to love them dearly
The same cannot be said for their musical numbers which remain appalling
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:09, Reply)
Good parody of those with The Two Ninnies though.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:14, Reply)
cars and / or food

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:34, Reply)
I'm saying a 'no' to cars, so food it is

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:35, Reply)
What about burger vans?
Best of both worlds!
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:37, Reply)
Can't leave b&q without visiting it.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:39, Reply)
I used to get an excellent breakfast baguette from The Frying Dutchman in St Albans.
Weekends only though. Dave's Burger Van had the weekday slot, although his bacon rolls were pretty good, and you'd get a bit of banter whilst you waited.

Of course, this was the late 90s, and "banter" hadn't been invented, so it was actually just idle conversation.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:43, Reply)
Isn't The Frying Dutchman the name of the all you can eat restaurant Homer gets chucked out of?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:46, Reply)
oh here we go

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:48, Reply)
*googles* why yes it is Slippery Mick, yes it is
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/3/3a/The_Frying_Dutchman.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20081231234715
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:48, Reply)
It's like everyone on here is triggered by Simpsons references all day every day
It's a world I shall never know *shrugs*
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:50, Reply)

www.mixcloud.com/CreationRecordsUK/playlists/the-jesus-mary-chain-live-at-the-ambulance-station-november-1984/
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:56, Reply)
K, this is an absolute din.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:04, Reply)
Jim Reid has just told the audience he hates them and they're cunts, they're playing something vaguely like music now.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:06, Reply)
A lot of their output was "vaguely like music", to be fair.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:09, Reply)
Their first LP is one of the best guitar band records of the 1980s if you ask me
Where they went wrong was in becoming more musical
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:11, Reply)
I didn't, but I respect your opinion.
Stoned & Dethroned is the only one of theirs that I've listened to.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:15, Reply)
They became bland and dull incredibly quickly

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:17, Reply)
I wouldn't mind doing a duet with Hope Sandoval.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:18, Reply)

you
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:11, Reply)
haha, 'dough'!!!!!

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:14, Reply)

also you
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:47, Reply)
I think you're right.
This guy was actually Dutch, though.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:50, Reply)
Oh. Well so far today I've had 2 protein bars and 3 whey protein shakes.
Off to St Ives in Cornwall next week so want to make sure I'm the muscliest GP on the beach.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
Are you actually exercising with it?
Because some lad here didn't really keep up with the exercising stuff and started getting quite pert boobs.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:41, Reply)
I walk up and down the stairs a bit and have a pull-up bar at home that I look at sometimes.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:43, Reply)
Then all that shit is just going to make you fatter quicker.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:44, Reply)
You should always consult a doctor before starting a stupid diet.
Hang on
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:49, Reply)
It certainly makes me shit quicker

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:51, Reply)
Overnight oats and butter coffee is doing that to me.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:56, Reply)
I have to watch what I put on my oats.
Any live yoghurt gives me wind.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:00, Reply)
I keep it simple - diced apple and cinnamon with almond milk works a treat.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:01, Reply)
you've all become middle-aged women

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:05, Reply)
^

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:10, Reply)
i just don't know what's wrong with them
i've got food allergies, i just eat what i like and fart, it's not the end of the world. also, almond milk is fucking rank.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:12, Reply)
I consider a constant stream of noxious emissions from my anus to be unfair on my coworkers.
This is not a well ventilated office.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:17, Reply)
see, i just get wind without the smell

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:25, Reply)
I wish.
Mine are generally silent, but very deadly.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:44, Reply)
yeah right

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:48, Reply)
DIAGNOSIS: Anosmia secondary to intracranial tumour.
You're welcome
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:57, Reply)
I mix crushed seeds/nuts into mine, then soak in milk and honey, with some frozen fruit on top (defrosts in the fridge, overnight),
then mix in some fromage frais when serving, as the texture is a bit off without that, in my opinion.

I'll bet mongy is loving this subthread.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:08, Reply)
What's cooking, good looking?
i.redd.it/t9y4y0cen15z.jpg
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:13, Reply)
taken in the kitchen of the flat in town where the exhibition I mentioned earlier is, fact fans. It was owned by Ringo Starr.
It's next to Handel's house and they have side-by-side blue plaques, which I find rather cool
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:16, Reply)
Old banger in a bun

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:35, Reply)
My wife read Naomi Wolf's "Misconceptions" before we conceived.
As such, I got to hear lots of unpleasant details about pregnancy and childbirth, before witnessing her suffering them. Yay.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:36, Reply)
My bluetooth earphones have arrived. All the instructions/battery status stuff is spoken through the earphones in a very clear and a bit posh, but slightly Chinese sounding accent.
I kind of like it.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
IBYDYDOB

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:39, Reply)
Maybe the reason they're all so rich is because of Nazi gold.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:38, Reply)
E3
No takers?
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:44, Reply)
depends? did you watch the pc gaming press conference?
because if so, i don't want to talk to you
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:08, Reply)
Of course not, I'm the biggest gaming nerd I know and even I stayed away from that boring show

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:44, Reply)
Bow's not too bad an area these days

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:27, Reply)
like u kno, chad was like and then I was like, u kno?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:45, Reply)
and she STEPPED on the ball

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:46, Reply)
that is like turdally ossum

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:50, Reply)
Day off tomorrow
Bloody Inset days. All teachers are cunts. The end.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:46, Reply)
wankers, m8

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:49, Reply)
If I play my cards right!
hahahaha it's been brilliant here today hasn't it
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:53, Reply)
haha, I always say 'insect day'!!!!

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:51, Reply)
Haha, I say 'incest day'
in spite of that, I'm still expected to look after children! Hahahaha
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:52, Reply)
I still call them Baker Days.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:58, Reply)
Why?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:01, Reply)
because he spends the whole day scoffing pies

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:04, Reply)
After Kenneth Baker.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:11, Reply)
off of Time Bandits and the star wars?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:14, Reply)
I think that was him, yeah.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:18, Reply)
my sweaty bollocks

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:49, Reply)
Kevin Shields' first band

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:53, Reply)
Daniel Day-Lewiszzzzzz

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:54, Reply)
I love a bit of piano house
Alison Limerick. Great stuff.
Take it to church, honey.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:53, Reply)
Kariya - Let Me Love You for Tonight.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:02, Reply)
Marshall Jefferson - Move Your Body

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:04, Reply)
the inordinate amount of time you spend in the bathroom of a morning, young man

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:58, Reply)
Dunno, might go pub now

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:59, Reply)
Yee-hawww!
My new guitar has arrived. Journey home will be something of an arse but idgaf
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:12, Reply)
TWANG
oh shit
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:13, Reply)
it's gonna be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:19, Reply)
^ unlicensed busker

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:20, Reply)
I'm debating brushing up on my Spanish
so I can understand the real-life telenovela that has moved in next door to me. Yelling, wandering around shirtless and engaging in loud telephone conversations when sitting on the kitchen windowsill at 23:30 seem to be key plot elements so far.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:19, Reply)
If you speak French, you can probably pick up the gist.
If you speak Italian, you'll be fine.

Otherwise, yeah, learn Spanish.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:22, Reply)
French is no problem and I can watch Spanish TV and films without too much trouble.
What comes blasting out of next door's windows is more like council estate chav Spanish and is a lot harder to decipher.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:28, Reply)
Maybe just learn enough so you can greet them in the street,
leave them wondering if you've understood what they've been yelling about.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:43, Reply)
That's prone to backfiring, I think.
If I go up to them and say "Hi, how are you?", they'll fire off a long string of rapid-fire incomprehensibilities at me.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:47, Reply)
Listen, nod, throw in the odd "si", or " lo sé",
then depart with a cheery "¡adiós!"
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:17, Reply)
Ay Dios Mio

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:27, Reply)
did I miss some Birmingham chat?
I'm sure I could've contributed, I've just spent the afternoon there
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 16:57, Reply)
Ah, a spanishtragedy thread, apparently

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:00, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:02, Reply)
So more a case of being sent to Coventry then.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:04, Reply)
oh!

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:07, Reply)
whores m8
whores
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 17:02, Reply)
Hello internet "friends"
Is there anything interesting to do in Birmingham?
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:44, Reply)
go to the coach station
i saw a naked man there
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:46, Reply)
whores

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:47, Reply)
pop round UB40's gaff and see if Pato Banton wants to come out for a few pints

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:55, Reply)
when my sister was at university there, we saw a shop called 'Fonz Leather Styles'

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:56, Reply)
still going strong!
www.fonzleatherstyles.com/contact.html
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:57, Reply)
Not really. We used to kill time with the Botanical Gardens, Sea Life Centre, Cadbury World, Wildlife Conservation Park at Cannon Hill and the Ikon Gallery. Bullring and New Street Station are alright for shopping I suppose.
There's a blood donor centre on the high street if you feel like doing something useful, just watch out for scientologists.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:57, Reply)
not sure his blood would be welcome tbh

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:58, Reply)
i didn't know there was a sea life centre there
Birmingham is now slightly more interesting than i thought it was
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:02, Reply)
There used to be an indoor ice rink but it burnt down

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:23, Reply)
Lol

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:40, Reply)
They claim to have to countries largest municipal park,
But as it's the wrong side of the m6, I'm not sure it counts as within Birmingham.
I've only been to Birmingham once to do a bit of work for a Muslim primary school, I don't recommend visiting there.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:06, Reply)
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this thread has, shall we say, "limited potential"

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:23, Reply)
just like it said on spanners' school reports!

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
it's shit and rubbish

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:30, Reply)
I went to Birmingham, once.
Visited Cadbury World and went out for cocktails.

If this isn't the sort of riveting anecdote that will save /talk from oblivion, then I don't know what is.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:31, Reply)
Alright knob'ses
So my last house viewing was (again) a bust. How has YOUR time been wasted recently?
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:55, Reply)
We got told today that the customer isn't going live with some massive change we spent 18 months developing due to technical/business reasons.
Still, kept everyone busy during the downturn and now some poor sucker (me) doesn't have to have the arse-ache of supporting it post go-live.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:56, Reply)
I used to get annoyed at things like that happening at work
but I reconcile it with the fact that I (appear) busy in the eyes of those who matter
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:17, Reply)
Yeah, I don't really give a shit.
We regularly do far more pointless things internally that people say claim is important but when pressed are completely unable to explain why.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:21, Reply)
are you still viewing places or are you just having strangers round to gawp at your stuff first?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:57, Reply)
He'd have sold it by now if he didn't keep saying 'gawp at this' and pointing at his crotch.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:58, Reply)
or rather, where his crotch would be
if there wasn't a massive pendulous gunt flopping over it like so much over-kneaded dough
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:16, Reply)
you and I are going to fall out, m8

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:18, Reply)
like your stomach falls out the bottom of your shirt if you don't tuck it in?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:21, Reply)
Nah, we're not seriously looking until we know we have the money

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:17, Reply)
Wise

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:35, Reply)
My brother-in-law is doing it the other way round
but hey, it's up to him.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:36, Reply)
You're my favourite waste of time

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:02, Reply)
fuck off owen

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:13, Reply)
Take That member fired after ill-advised name change

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:20, Reply)
Hahaha!

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:29, Reply)
lolz

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:34, Reply)
x

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:17, Reply)
fondling my own willy and bollocks

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:04, Reply)
YO!

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:17, Reply)
by going to my mother's to wait for a package to be delivered
only to find that my brother and nephew were both at home, but she didn't want to wake either of them up.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:07, Reply)
Make lots of noise.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:10, Reply)
i pretended my headphones were broken
then proceeded to play down with the sickness and fast as a shark at full blast.
the package turned out to be an airsoft rifle, which i will definitely be having a go at later
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:19, Reply)
pour cold water over each of them

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:18, Reply)
Disturbed and Accept work just as well

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:20, Reply)
Are those their names?
oh hahahahah
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:21, Reply)
i'm rather pleased that we all have sensible names
as do my nieces and nephews
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:22, Reply)
Before my eldest was born, we told the mother-in-law that we were calling him Spiderman
She was very polite about it
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:52, Reply)

www.cracked.com/personal-experiences-2461-my-new-legal-name-spider-mann.-yes-i-have-some-regrets.html
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:57, Reply)
well, that's why we didn't go through with it, of course

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:58, Reply)
see, this is why it's a good thing i can't breed
as i have an impulse control problem and there is a reasonable chance of me calling a child Stormageddon
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:01, Reply)
Isn't that a far right website?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:02, Reply)
that might be Stormontgeddon

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:03, Reply)
A narrow escape for Peter Parker Hats.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:01, Reply)
Took a day off work to take delivery of my mattress but the muppets got lost and didn't think to call for directions.
So they didn't turn up.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:08, Reply)
oh shit

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:18, Reply)
I took the PC out of my car to install Android on it
but Android is still too shit for my purposes and it also buggered up the hard drive bad enough for my windows backup not to work, so I lost a weekend installing Windows 10 instead.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:15, Reply)
how you actually managed to conceive a child is beyond me

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:19, Reply)
he tripped over the corner of the rug
and his winky accidentally went in her foofoo
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:21, Reply)
your nan gave me some pointers m8

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:25, Reply)
If you didn't boot into something like puppy and take an image of the drive with dd first then you only have yourself to blame.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:24, Reply)
It had something to do with MPR vs GPT so that my windows 7 install USB no longer worked
and since it's a Mini-PC the BIOS is hugely restricted in terms of configurable settings, so I basically got boned.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:26, Reply)
Yeah, but dd will take a byte for byte image so you can just write it back out as if nothing happened if you fuck it up.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:28, Reply)
I'll use that in future then
For now my system does what I need to, but it's cobbled together from software that is over 10 years old in some cases, so I need an alternative in case those bits finally die. But Android's not there yet.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:32, Reply)
I don't really like the idea of android on x86, dunno why.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:35, Reply)
It's a tradeoff
I'd be happy with a tablet, but I haven't found an Android app that supports all my steering wheel controls (ie media keyboard) or 5.1 audio, and the x86 version doesn't even support my USB GPS device. A PC gives me much more support for hardware solutions, but the software is a bit clunky since all the big names jumped on the Android bandwagon. A decent Windows 10 tablet would be the best of both, but they're more expensive than I really want to spend for something I only use once a month.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:38, Reply)
If Win10 was working,
why on earth would to want to bung Android on it?
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:43, Reply)
access to google maps, mostly
It's all about satnav and music, innit.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:46, Reply)
I suppose that makes sense.
I get satnav and music by bunging my phone in a holder and running a cable to the radio's aux input. Not pretty, but the job's done (I'm sufficiently shit at car electrics that I consider replacing the head unit an achievement).
Looking forward to your next pictorial blog, on this subject!
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:56, Reply)
Last night I went to SHIT ON A DOG'S TITS and only a high pitched guff came out :(

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:39, Reply)
ah, that's a shame
What are your options?
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:39, Reply)
I just pulled up my pants and walked dejectedly away

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:12, Reply)
With your tail between your legs
if you'll pardon the expression
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:15, Reply)
lol noob

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:42, Reply)
On a call, and someone was talking about an incident of some hardware being damaged
and actualol'd down the phone at the phrase "Bob Hands dropped one"
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:53, Reply)
For those who like Darkplace and/or care about Grenfell Tower
authorsforgrenfelltower.com/2017/06/20/official-dr-rick-dagless-lab-coat-from-garth-marenghis-darkplace/
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:56, Reply)
fucked if I'm putting it on /links
What am I, a cunt?
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:58, Reply)
Nice.
The DVD of that series was curiously difficult to rip.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:00, Reply)
strange
the commentary is great, isn't it.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:04, Reply)
Not watched it, yet.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:10, Reply)
Oh
Well watch it, then watch it again with the commentary
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:15, Reply)
I intend to, 2H.
Believe you me.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:29, Reply)
Oh my....this sounds like a threat

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:44, Reply)
That last thread killed off the forum
What else needs to be culled?
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:05, Reply)
the monarchy
turns out they don't even want to do it
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:07, Reply)
easy enough to say for 'arry, as he probably will never see the throne
which will make his shopping a lot easier
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:08, Reply)
Having a bloodline to the job is probably cheaper than elections every 5 years
and you can ensure someone gets the right training to be head of state, rather than letting a demented bankrupt property tycoon get the job by manipating facebook posts.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:08, Reply)
not sure how much training it takes tbh

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:15, Reply)
set up a monarchy and find out m8

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:21, Reply)
That Sea land fella did alright

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
I reckon he was bitter and sulking when he said that.
So I'm never going to get a go? FINE, I never wanted to do it anyway, and neither does anyone else. SO THERE.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:18, Reply)
why would he be bitter?
he gets to live the high life with no expectation of duty
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:20, Reply)
Just as long as he doesn't take drugs or dress like a Nazi.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:01, Reply)
I reckon it's going to William next anyway
He was there with her for all the visits to Grenfell, Manchester etc.

Charles looked glum as fuck yesterday to be sat next to her for an hour or so.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:24, Reply)
Don't be a fucking nob jason.
/ac
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
earthquake warnings
A warning about a massive earthquake off the coast of California has been sent 92 years late.

A computer error caused the US Geological Survey (USGS) to issue the false alarm about the magnitude 6.8 quake.

The quake actually took place in 1925 when it laid waste to the city of Santa Barbara and caused 13 deaths.

In a statement, the USGS said its computers had "misinterpreted" data causing the alarm to be wrongly issued.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:07, Reply)
if only they'd taken Y2K seriously

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:09, Reply)
gyppoes

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:11, Reply)
is that a crossover between a gypsie and a hippo?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:13, Reply)
Alright, Adolf.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:13, Reply)
*nods*
alright mate
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:30, Reply)
Dads Army theme song first draft

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:10, Reply)
"Alright, Adolf! Got a new motor?"

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:12, Reply)
travellers in general, or proper pikeys?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:15, Reply)
We had some French travelers set up camp near the skatepark.
They were alright, much tidier than the usual sort.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:16, Reply)
It's them irish pisshead ones who start all the bother.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:25, Reply)
There's a settlement up the road from where I live.
Generally, you wouldn't know it (apart from the higher than average number of kids with terrible haircuts and garish clothes), but if any of them get married, there'll be an inevitable police presence at their chosen pub.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
So you mean the tie-dye types that got decked in beanfield?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:29, Reply)
See below, there are almost none left

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:31, Reply)
Nah, proper pikey types.
Garish clothes, in so much as the girls still think neons are acceptable colours, and the boys have rat tail hair.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
Romany gyppoes
Yer new age travellers are fine - and pretty much extinct these day anyway
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:30, Reply)
There's still a few that turn up at stone henge on the solstice aren't there?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:33, Reply)
Most live indoors these days
Glad I got to experience that world whilst it existed, the annual free festival season and the convoy and all that - all gone. Winchester used to be surrounded by sites with all manner of army lorries, coaches and so on. The Spiral Tribe free rave scene ruined the whole thing - the fucking tossers. People got away with free festivals for decades - but Castlemorton was the end of it all. Stupid fucking pricks.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:36, Reply)
I know a few that still live on house boats.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:40, Reply)
When I was a teenager I worked at a narrowboat yard.
One of the blokes there lived on a narrowboat, he was a bit of a prick. So were the other people that lived on them.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:42, Reply)
I never said they weren't pricks m8

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:43, Reply)
deck him m8

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:43, Reply)
He doesn't know who he's messing with

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
seems like he's about to find out

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:45, Reply)
Haha, "deck" like on a boat!

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:48, Reply)
Hahahahaha, brilliant

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:49, Reply)
There's a site up in Norfolk where my brother knows some folks
One of them owns the land so they just carry on as if the 80s never ended.

They have decent sanitation and power so it's a bit of a cheat but to look at, he says, it's like the good old days: mangy dogs and dirty kids everywhere and so on.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:43, Reply)
The ones near me have a permanent site.
The main caravan is grandiose. They run a caravan sales/rental business, so I assume they're showing off their wares.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:48, Reply)
Spiral tribe?
Is there reading to be done about the history of this? I was going to free parties when I was 16, and there were some big sound systems still. That's 14 years ago.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:42, Reply)
I will try to find something for you
Worst case I'll tell you all about it next time I see you
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
I'm busy then.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:48, Reply)

djmag.com/content/free-party-politics-castle-morton
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:46, Reply)
Free parties are still deffo a thing.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:46, Reply)
of course they are
My point is that their emergence ended the free festival scene which had been going since the early 70s - and the travelling culture which facilitated it. All because some pricks failed to see that 5 days of round the clock outdoor rave sound systems would be a step too far. I hate them for that.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:51, Reply)
Yeah, it does seem a shame.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:53, Reply)
I loved free festivals, and I loved raves.
The combination of the two was a shit idea.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:55, Reply)
My missus used to go to parties run by the Exodus Collective.
I think they might still be a going concern.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:07, Reply)
Everyone round to Gormo's!

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:52, Reply)
here you go
freepartypeople.wordpress.com/category/castlemorton/

Only cos I wanted to know what McBeef was getting all nostalgic about, the weeping old glamper.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:55, Reply)
it was a disaster
THIS was more like it:

www.ukrockfestivals.com/Treworgey-89-dshort-gallery.htm
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:58, Reply)
oh did you go to the treworgey tree festival?

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:05, Reply)
not sure

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:12, Reply)
awesome leftfield track in one of those videos

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:27, Reply)
Lol like the group Leftfield but they're actually in a field lol.
Maybe they were on the left lol.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:40, Reply)
I am rolling on the floor laughing at this
I wish there was some quicker way of declaring this fact
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:41, Reply)
Rolf Harris Chairman Mayonnaise!

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:43, Reply)
Not Forgotten is the only one if theirs I like

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:43, Reply)
it's great

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:51, Reply)
The electorate.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:14, Reply)
The ruling class.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:15, Reply)
monster munch

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:16, Reply)
Decimation is the only language he understands.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:17, Reply)

the only language he understands what you need if you want to be a record breaker
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:22, Reply)
I saw Roy Castle at Butlins.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:24, Reply)
spamishfly

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:17, Reply)
White people.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:18, Reply)
Parents who give their kids mullet hairstyles.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:19, Reply)
The elderly.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:20, Reply)
Performance poets.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:20, Reply)
Landlords.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:20, Reply)
People who make lists.

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:21, Reply)
All expats

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:26, Reply)
I loathe people who refer to themselves as expats
You're a fucking immigrant, an economic migrant, you're no better than those dickheads in the Calais Jungle.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:32, Reply)
people coming back from 15 years living in Spain moaning about immigrants is my favourite

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:44, Reply)
They moan about it while they're there and praise the fact that the little-england bit of spain they never leave doesn't have any foreigners in it.
Cunts.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 15:11, Reply)
Exorcists by the sound of it.
www.globaltimes.cn/content/804623.shtml
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:27, Reply)
antecedent events

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:28, Reply)
I learned you can add emergency details on your mobile that can be viewed even when locked , what a world

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:43, Reply)
Welcome to the future Grandad

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:45, Reply)
I will add stuff to my kids phones

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:46, Reply)
Disgusting

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:49, Reply)
looks like the new style pokemon gyms are live

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:53, Reply)
Still says under construction for me

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:59, Reply)
my mistake, same here

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:43, Reply)
my penus and/or helmit

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 12:52, Reply)
I'd say helmit

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:25, Reply)
Let's call the whole thing off!

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:28, Reply)
pigeons and woodlice
and unsupervised children allowed to roam free after 9pm
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:19, Reply)
When I was a kid, we firmly believed that "glue sniffers" would get us, if we stayed out too late.
In order to combat this unseen menace, my friend and I stayed out after dark and lit a fire* in the alleyway at the end of our road. Probably not the outcome our parents were after.

*monsters always fear fire, don't they?
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:27, Reply)
we just weren't allowed out after 8
until we were about 14
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:33, Reply)
We rarely strayed out of our close,
but my parents were very keen on getting their kids in to bed early, so being out after 7 was a bit of a novelty.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:42, Reply)
i've always been a wanderer
and i'll talk to anyone, so mum was very wary of where i went. she almost shit when i fucked off to spain for a fortnight on my tod when i was 17
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:48, Reply)
Dion's lesser-knownzzzzz

(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:55, Reply)
My mum reckoned I was a glue sniffer breifly, because I was a bit spotty and she could smell glue.
I'd been using poly cement to glue something back together.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:44, Reply)
My dad built loads of airfix kits, when he was a kid.
By his own admission, he was only doing it for the fumes.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:49, Reply)
i still remember my brother
insisting he'd got stoned from sniffing marker pens
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:51, Reply)
I think some of them had the same solvents as glue did.
They're probably all non-toxic these days.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 13:54, Reply)
I got proper woozy, after spending a morning writing out price tickets with a cheap marker.
That was horrible.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:08, Reply)
there were a few pretty potent ones back when I started teaching
a full day using them on the whiteboard would leave your head hurting.
(, Thu 22 Jun 2017, 14:12, Reply)

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