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Hi guys!
Richard here, just popping in to make sure everyone's OK.
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 13:48, Reply)
Not really, get fucked.

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 13:49, Reply)
I <3 u Beefy

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 13:49, Reply)
eat a dick sandwich

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:08, Reply)
Plenty sauce!

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:10, Reply)
COCK monsieur, more like!
haha
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:47, Reply)
hoisin crispy dick

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 15:29, Reply)
penis poire

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 15:59, Reply)
Mushy Pea(nis)

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 15:59, Reply)
spotted fucksausage

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 16:25, Reply)
i need constant reassurance

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 13:50, Reply)
Everything wil b OK hun x

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 13:51, Reply)
thx
xxx
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 13:55, Reply)
I'm really happy thanks
how are you?
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:02, Reply)
I'm feeling melancholic and wistful, and all because of Busta Rhymes live at Notting Hill Carnival 1997.

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:07, Reply)
alright monty

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:10, Reply)
Hi Manolo
I'm bored to fucking tears here
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:14, Reply)
you should join your brother Richard mcbeef over on OT

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:22, Reply)
you should not be concerning yourself with /ot, young man

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:29, Reply)
he's addicted

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:31, Reply)

ted
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:42, Reply)
Does Shambles go on /OT?
Is he really that desperate for attention?
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:36, Reply)
Yes.

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:55, Reply)
That guy is a fucking wanker

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:39, Reply)
do you save up all your tears and then freeze them into the shape of a fanny?

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:28, Reply)
Doesn't everyone?

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:39, Reply)
Alright boyce

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:46, Reply)
Fair to middling

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:48, Reply)
sweet

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:51, Reply)
Anyone doing anything for halloween?
I'm off to the beautiful skegness for a wedding. Just finishing my skeletor costume today, I'm painting the face glow in the dark, YEAH!
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:20, Reply)
might change my username on here, dunno

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:22, Reply)
Edgy

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 13:49, Reply)
Skegness sounds horrific enough
without any effort in dressing up
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:24, Reply)
I'm only dressing up so that nobody sees me

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:37, Reply)
Good plan!

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:57, Reply)
Christ

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:26, Reply)
It has elastic between the jawbone and the skull, so that when I tug on a concealed fishing wire the mouth moves up and down
as I say "NEEER"
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:39, Reply)
christ

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 10:22, Reply)
Its made from camping mats, gaffa tape, a pair of tights and the above mentioned elastic and fishing line

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 10:35, Reply)
fucking christ

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 10:36, Reply)
right in the stigmata

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 11:12, Reply)
best handjob ever

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 11:24, Reply)
jesus likes it in all 6 holes

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 12:37, Reply)
I have never really done anything for halloween in my entire life
I should probably do something, might round around the streets with my knob and bollocks out
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:38, Reply)
Sounds like a good plan

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:39, Reply)
Yes probably
Not me obviously, but someone must be.
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:52, Reply)
halloween?

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:59, Reply)
might have a pint, dunno

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 10:01, Reply)
best answer yet

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 10:14, Reply)
wild

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 10:22, Reply)
I plan on doing a massive, splattery shit.

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 10:46, Reply)
from the top window onto unsuspecting trick or treaters right?

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 10:48, Reply)
I'm saving myself for bonfire night.

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 12:03, Reply)
you'll make a handsome Guy

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 12:11, Reply)
That's what they said to Simon Weston.

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 13:51, Reply)
I just received an e mail from a Hugh Tinker
Is it just me or is this a rather comical name?
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 13:15, Reply)
It's just you, you Spanish shitcunt.

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 13:28, Reply)
Love you bbe x

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 15:04, Reply)
This is the first time I'll be in on the evening.
Should I get a load of sweets in for the little bastards or something?
Im not giving them money.
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 13:50, Reply)
Go to the pub.

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 13:59, Reply)
Ive got a mate coming over for a smoke.
I'll just light some candles, like it's the blitz or something.
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 14:01, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 6:39, Reply)
hey baby, you were wonderful last night xx

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 7:08, Reply)
Yes, I believe that I was
She said text me when you get home, and made plans for a future repeat.
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 7:12, Reply)
prostate exam?

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 7:32, Reply)
I must be doing them wrong

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 7:52, Reply)
my prostate is red with podka dots on

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 8:03, Reply)
I don't want to alarm you but you might want to get that checked.

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 8:07, Reply)
^flirting^

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:26, Reply)
morning?

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 7:16, Reply)
i fart in your direction

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 8:08, Reply)
morning

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 8:19, Reply)
Morning Mr Whoreable

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 8:29, Reply)
Bleurgh
I have a cold. And my eyes are all itchy.
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 8:37, Reply)
a cold what?

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 8:40, Reply)
I'd rather not say

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:48, Reply)
herro horrible san

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 8:41, Reply)
Alright?
About to instigate a bacon run.
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:10, Reply)
Sound, I'll have one m8

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 9:17, Reply)
how's everypony doing?
:3
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 3:42, Reply)
Yeah alright
tbh I'm just killing time 'til the morning thread
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 4:25, Reply)
Doing anything for Nightmare night?

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 4:42, Reply)
Yup going out in Guildford, think that's about as nightmarey as you can get

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 5:31, Reply)
I just bin to the worst pub quiz ever.
The quiz master was a bloke from Dudley.

There were 10 questions which took him THREE FUCKING HOURS to read.

The questions were not your standard right/wrong answer questions, it was fucking FAMILY FORTUNES rules.

The food was shit and the drinks were expensive and tasted shit.

Have you had a good night? I don't really care, I'm just being polite.
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 0:31, Reply)
fucking dudley
What a shit town. I'll be glad to see the back of it.
(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 0:42, Reply)
oi bit yaow luv yaowa faggitsungraaaayvuy though.

(, Thu 30 Oct 2014, 2:02, Reply)
alright

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:24, Reply)
hobbo

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:29, Reply)
shammer
How's it hanging?
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:30, Reply)
Over on OT under an pseudonym mate

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:40, Reply)
ah, yes, a gentle sport

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:47, Reply)
they're a bit of a soft target though
might go back to the Torygraph
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:52, Reply)
Try stormfront

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:58, Reply)
all eastern European nazis now

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 20:00, Reply)
whoah trip-dub-dub

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 22:14, Reply)
wait

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 22:15, Reply)
What?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 22:39, Reply)
the outdoor clothing specialist?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 20:02, Reply)
I wonder if I'm still on Redwatch

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 20:05, Reply)
the Apple resellers?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 20:10, Reply)
alright?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:51, Reply)
up yours, dickface

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:57, Reply)
heil

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 20:03, Reply)
alright

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 22:40, Reply)
aye

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 20:20, Reply)
chipper

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 22:40, Reply)

🔯
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 18:14, Reply)
fuck off dozers

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 18:29, Reply)

(🔘‿🔘)
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 18:47, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2402135
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:08, Reply)
meaty

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:11, Reply)
el dozo

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:12, Reply)
dosso

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 19:29, Reply)
what are you gonna have for tea?
i might have sausage and mash
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:19, Reply)
Beef Madras

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:24, Reply)
you gonna make it yourself or what?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:42, Reply)
I prepped everything last night and stuck it on low in the slow cooker before I went to work this morning

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:55, Reply)
i had sausages for breakfast
might have a chinese
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:33, Reply)
weekday sausage breakfast?
High fives!
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:33, Reply)
i have the week off, holmes

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:42, Reply)
which is the best chinese restaurant in portsmouth?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:43, Reply)
to actually go to, i like yan woo in north end
if ordering online, it's bento box
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:48, Reply)
Exactly this ^

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:13, Reply)
Or you've got the all you can eat buffet at Water Margin in gun wharf

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:14, Reply)
yeah, true
we should go on a date there
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:30, Reply)
thats just a ferry away from gosport, where the chinese was a brothel above it.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:34, Reply)
Bit lacist m8

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:42, Reply)
We sure should

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:41, Reply)
not in portsmouth at the mo though
so it's a bit of a lottery
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:50, Reply)
got the in-laws staying so it will involve a lot of meat and wine

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:33, Reply)
you disgust me

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:44, Reply)
Either Red Thai Curry or Chicken Laksa

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:36, Reply)
red thai curry

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:44, Reply)
like that russian dog that went into space?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:47, Reply)
the chicken part is why it didn't go into space

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:25, Reply)
it was a cock-er spaniel

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:31, Reply)
might make a chilli
which means I won't eat until later, but worth it
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:37, Reply)
kidney beans, tomato sauce, mince meat and chilli powder
job done
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:46, Reply)
thai hot and spicy squid
or egg foo yung, not decided yet.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:48, Reply)
vodka

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:00, Reply)
Touch me, touch me, I want to feel your bod tea

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:10, Reply)
alright mush

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:11, Reply)
alright beefy

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:23, Reply)
Pie and mash, yo

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:14, Reply)
steady mashin, G money

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:24, Reply)
Crust lyf

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:41, Reply)
It's hopefully not 'all gravy'

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:53, Reply)
what's in the pie?
WHAT'S IN THE PIIIE?!
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:32, Reply)
Kate & Sidney

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:41, Reply)
disgusting

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:44, Reply)
Those poor gerbils

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:53, Reply)
it was either in the pie or up TH's bum
they never stood a chance
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:59, Reply)
they knew what they were getting into

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 18:10, Reply)
the woman's making burgers
and I'm not even paying her minimum wage
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:24, Reply)
Hello everyone, how are you?
I have a week off work, what can I do to fill my time?

You cannot say "kill yourself"
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:17, Reply)
Pub!
Next question
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:25, Reply)
On a bit of a pub ban at the moment.
Apparently I have to stop drinking while the Mrs is pregnant... *hick*
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:38, Reply)
oh is your missus pregnant? you never said

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:38, Reply)
No

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:39, Reply)
seriously though, you'll have to cut back a bit once the baby is born
get stuck in while you still can
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:41, Reply)
What a bitch.
In the first couple of months before you can tell everyone, I had to secretly down all my mrs' drinks as well as my own to keep up the facade.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:53, Reply)
24 hour jenga

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:27, Reply)
And what do I do for the other 6 weeks.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:38, Reply)
6 weeks of intensive military training

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:41, Reply)
+ and then kill yourself

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:42, Reply)
find something better than this to do

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:37, Reply)
and I'm only saying that because you said I couldn't say kill yourself

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:38, Reply)
Suggestions?
Seen any good movies lately?
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:39, Reply)
no

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:40, Reply)
I watched something called 'Jurasic Park' at the weekend about dinosaurs on an island.
It was OK.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:51, Reply)
Go outside and meet people
ahahahahaha
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:13, Reply)
Sleep and masturbate
Gets me through most weekends.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:36, Reply)
wank yourself into a coma

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 16:48, Reply)
afternoon
yesterday, i saw 'giant tv funnyman'TM greg davies in tesco.

no question, just filling you in on my exciting celeb-packed life
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:06, Reply)
apparently brb once saw Alexei Sayle in the northbound car park of Keele Services on the M6

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:07, Reply)
I once passed Tosh from The Bill causing a traffic jam in Cornwall.
He was in a big Volvo and probably pissed.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:10, Reply)
I once went to a nightclub in Sidmouth where a guy who was in Hollyoaks used to go regularly but he wasn't there that time.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:13, Reply)
^gay sex tourist

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:14, Reply)
I was an extra on Byker Grove, and a few years after, fucked one of the cast.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:03, Reply)
NO!
Which one?
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:05, Reply)
By which I mean
Ant OR Dec?
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:06, Reply)
The one who killed Ben

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:12, Reply)
Did Geoff tickle your bits with his 'tache?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:23, Reply)
My Dad went to school with DC Carver off The Bill

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:37, Reply)
He was in Quardrophenia.
(I don't mean your dad)
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 14:00, Reply)
I'm not saying he definitely wasn't, though.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 14:04, Reply)
I can confirm that while Mark Wingett (?) was in Quadrophenia
My father was not
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 14:57, Reply)
i hope he reminded him to put his bins out

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:14, Reply)
is it true that he's only 5'8 in real life and the rest is just clever stage makeup?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:08, Reply)
all celebrities are tiny

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:09, Reply)
except Kylie Minogue who is 2 metre Amazonian

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:10, Reply)
He only looks giant relatively because he has such a small penis.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:12, Reply)
Wait were you talking about Greg or Manolith?
Cos either way my answer still stands.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:17, Reply)
why are short-arses like you so bitter?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:22, Reply)
I only look short because my penis is so massive.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:25, Reply)
it only looks big to you because your face is so close to it

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:45, Reply)
That's not his penis

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:13, Reply)
he's even taller than i was expecting. could have been on stilts i guess

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:12, Reply)
I heard that he's carried around on the shoulders of Lee Mack and Richard Herring

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:20, Reply)
what a comedy trio

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:46, Reply)
"Move it you lanky cunt."
Is what I hope you said
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:10, Reply)
he was two tills away, i just nodded at him and he nodded back
#justtallpeoplethings
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:13, Reply)
You should have got him to do that thing he does on the telly.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:19, Reply)
oh he's funny him

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:36, Reply)
yeah, he's alright
he isn't very funny when he does his shopping though
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:49, Reply)
BULLSHIT
As if someone that big shops in Tesco, like a normal person. He buys his milk in Fortnum & Mason.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:37, Reply)
Tesco in Portsmouth of all places

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:39, Reply)
shows what you know, i'm in london

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:47, Reply)
Silly
Portsmouth isn't in London
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:50, Reply)
you wouldn't know it by listening to some of the portsmouth natives

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:58, Reply)
true enough

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:58, Reply)
^uncultured
enough say
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:11, Reply)
fortbum and gayson more like

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:48, Reply)
Someone should say something funny, the popular page is looking almost as empty as Manoliths "exciting celeb-packed life"

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:43, Reply)

exciting celeb-packed life massive wookie face
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:43, Reply)
OBJECTION!
my massive wookie face is currently full of birthday cake
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:47, Reply)
Look, I know it didn't make sense
at least I'm trying, damn it
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:49, Reply)
yes, you're very trying

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:49, Reply)
this sounds exactly like something my mother would say

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:09, Reply)
tidy your room

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:27, Reply)
what the fuck do you pay the maid for?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:36, Reply)
to nosh me off

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:15, Reply)
rufus hound bought me a beer once

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:49, Reply)
+ because he thought I was:
A) Chewbacca
B) Jesus
C) Homeless
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:58, Reply)
you jelly?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:26, Reply)
Of course I am
I rarely have pints bought for me
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:53, Reply)
i guess dave voted himself on to the popular page

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:08, Reply)
probably with several of his accounts

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:11, Reply)
I once farted on the set of blue lagoon

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:42, Reply)
he's got a giant and slightly unsettling face

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:54, Reply)
It's like Rik Mayall built a giant robot to do his bidding
and now he's dead, it's having to figure things out for itself.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 13:59, Reply)
you mean he's become sentient?
this is bad
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 14:04, Reply)
he was stomping around saying 'crush, kill, destroy' now that i think about it

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:16, Reply)
Karma karma karma karma karma karmafternoon

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 15:14, Reply)
morning

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:09, Reply)
At last, a quality morning thread

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:19, Reply)
you were doing a terrible job

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:50, Reply)
My morning certificate was from an online source
Even my alright credentials are questionable at best.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:55, Reply)
and besides, I just use the threads to keep track of what time I start and finish my commute

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:57, Reply)
bit exploitative ma8te

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:53, Reply)
morning doves

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:38, Reply)
alright modolith

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:40, Reply)
alright horriblith

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:38, Reply)
hiya hun
got your halloween costume sorted?
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:52, Reply)
he wears that face all year round
ahahahahaha
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:11, Reply)
lollers

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:40, Reply)
imna be a sexy cat

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:39, Reply)

Why not try one of these?
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:44, Reply)
i see what they've done there!

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:53, Reply)
oh

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:56, Reply)

this guy gets it
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 11:11, Reply)
hi

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:43, Reply)
up yours, dickface

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:45, Reply)
mister h

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:54, Reply)
i don't want any trouble

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:53, Reply)
now it's double

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:54, Reply)
you should go

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:00, Reply)
team rocket?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:40, Reply)
I always liked meowth, don't know why

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:43, Reply)

youtu.be/_aZbn4up9vE
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:52, Reply)
'cos you're a dirty yiffer?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:52, Reply)
he's not denying it

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 9:13, Reply)
true

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 9:21, Reply)
morning troops

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:49, Reply)
how are you going to incorporate your colostomy bag into your halloween costume?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:54, Reply)
cover it in tin foil and use it as a mace

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:03, Reply)
this is a close second

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:05, Reply)
im thinking some form of poo bag roulette
I'll stick loads of bags all over me you have to pull them off and they will be filled either with a tasty treat or bodiky waste.

Do you wanna play a game?
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:05, Reply)
sounds fun
dress as a donkey and play pin the tail on you, someone gets a shitty surprise at some point
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:08, Reply)
don't wear it at all
just wander around oozing and bubbleguffing
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:15, Reply)
paint it pink and go as the man with two scrotums

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:12, Reply)
Dress it up as Kuato.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 9:11, Reply)
this is clearly the correct answer

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 10:09, Reply)
Whos the man who won't cop out, when there's a morning thread about?

DOVES

You're damn right.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:53, Reply)
yup

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 7:55, Reply)
yo dove

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:12, Reply)
hiya s

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:52, Reply)
hiya!

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:17, Reply)
keep it real

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:53, Reply)
all good in dove town, I hope

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:56, Reply)
yup

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:18, Reply)
#snakemeupbeforeyougogo

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:40, Reply)
yus m8

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:54, Reply)
morning d

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:20, Reply)
hey babe xxx

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:55, Reply)
good grief

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:20, Reply)
alright Charlie brown

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:21, Reply)
*sigh*

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:22, Reply)
Fe-fe, fi-fi, fo-fo, fum. I smell smoke in the auditorium

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:31, Reply)
the doctor is in

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:42, Reply)
in your bottom

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:45, Reply)
2 can?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:52, Reply)
I reckon his bottom could take at least three

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:54, Reply)
My cough came back
I'm probably dying, so you might want to warn work that you'll need a day off sometime soon. Funerals don't arrange themselves you know.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:55, Reply)
i'm just going to chuck your cadaver off the end of south parade pier
can do that in my lunchbreak
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:58, Reply)
Ah, burial at sea
Ok, I'm in.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 9:00, Reply)
if it was good enough for bin laden

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 10:44, Reply)
havant is so shit

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:56, Reply)
Are you there today?
Yes, it's woeful. There are plans to replace the old pub with a block of flats. Locals have opposed it as it will "ruin the town centre". I can't imagine a single thing that could make that town centre any worse.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:58, Reply)
yeah, in a meeting right now
couldn't get a parking space so i had to park in havant this morning
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 10:29, Reply)
They won't give you a temporary pass for the technology park?
That's a bit mean
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 10:49, Reply)
'technology park' sounds way better than it is

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 11:12, Reply)
Well yes
For ages my kids thought it had electronic swings
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 11:23, Reply)
kids, eh?
what a bunch of twats
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 11:36, Reply)
hello

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:26, Reply)
hello grrry wrrry

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:57, Reply)
alright, Cheerful Charlie

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:58, Reply)
Morning
*shares bagel*
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:45, Reply)
what are you, some sort of jewish communist?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:57, Reply)
all Jews are communists and vice versa

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:58, Reply)
commjewnishts

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 11:13, Reply)
Didn't say it was my
bagel.

I robin-hood type.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 12:35, Reply)
i've already had breakfast, ta

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 8:59, Reply)
You sexy motherdover.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 9:09, Reply)
morning?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 9:19, Reply)
I hope this finds you well?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 9:34, Reply)
yes?

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 9:42, Reply)
Alright, The Doveston.

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 9:48, Reply)
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with morning

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 9:51, Reply)
tonight is the night, when two become morning

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 11:06, Reply)
Morning I love you, morning I care

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 11:12, Reply)
people of the world, morning up your life!

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 11:14, Reply)
Stop right now, thank you very much, I morning somebody with a human touch

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 11:18, Reply)
up yer bum

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 23:39, Reply)
What's the biggest thing you've had up yer bum?

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 23:45, Reply)
a large glass dildo, whilst being blown on my birthday
you're welcome.
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 23:49, Reply)
Bet that seared your shit ring.
Glass must be extremely hot to be blown.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 0:21, Reply)
all I can say is it felt good at the time

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 0:43, Reply)
my knickers are red with polka dots on;)

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 20:10, Reply)
podka^
also, ew
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 20:11, Reply)
fucking noob innit

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 20:12, Reply)
this place is going to pot

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 20:56, Reply)
It's already been there,
it just never came back.
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 22:06, Reply)
bloody hell it's moohala

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 21:26, Reply)
it bloody is and all
I bet he's finally got tired of twiddling knobs for a living
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 21:33, Reply)
by which I mean, repairing vintage guitar amps
you filthy urchins, get your minds out of the gutter
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 21:34, Reply)
because that's where moohala spits out the semen
after sucking off half the Chinese navy
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 21:34, Reply)
it's OK grrr don't panic you won't catch it just from being in this thread

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 21:36, Reply)
mind you you've replied to me three times in a row so who knows

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 21:37, Reply)
off to tesco for squid in a bit

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 21:50, Reply)
soon

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 22:15, Reply)
it'll be

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 22:16, Reply)
an even higher

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 22:16, Reply)
number

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 22:16, Reply)
won't it

(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 22:16, Reply)
\o/
*throws a party*
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 22:18, Reply)
brace yourself

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 21:33, Reply)
alright

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:38, Reply)
mister h

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:42, Reply)
scouser

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:43, Reply)
I'm loitering in a bowling alley.
It's noisy.
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:46, Reply)
gay sex tourist

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 18:47, Reply)
firm balls, stiff pins standing erect, special shoes
deffo a gst
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 19:55, Reply)
^gay mg

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 19:56, Reply)

???
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 20:03, Reply)
see, this doesn't make any sense now you've edited your post

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 20:08, Reply)
i'm posting from my phone. it keeps fucking up
what did your post mean?
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 20:11, Reply)
i'm back at the hotel
not sure whether i should pop over to the ship or the royal oak tonight
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:50, Reply)
how do you do

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 18:05, Reply)
what you do to me

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 18:46, Reply)
I wish I knew

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 18:55, Reply)
Horbz

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 18:11, Reply)
wee wee

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 18:56, Reply)
Pfft

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 19:56, Reply)
Got a job interview on thursday
Apparently they're going to test my knowledge of English
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:12, Reply)
English what?

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:16, Reply)
The language
like, you know, words and shit
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:35, Reply)
Me fail english? That's unpossible!

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:16, Reply)
you still doing that ux shit?

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:17, Reply)
bit of this, bit of that
I do Technical Writing too
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:35, Reply)
calm down mate, i'm not offering you a job here

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:43, Reply)
I can give you a job. Fucking polish cleaner now wants to charge me £14 an hour.

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:38, Reply)
Why would you need to clean the polish?

(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:41, Reply)
i'll do it for £13 per hour and give you a happy finish as well
shop around, you cant beat that
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 17:43, Reply)
they'll see you're a dour misanthropic cunt
and immediately promote you to upper management
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 19:04, Reply)

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