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Hello sweeties!!!
Gis a kiss!

MMMMWAAAAAH!


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 21:34, Reply)
candles

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 21:20, Reply)
alright
Alt:fuckmonkeys
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 18:21, Reply)
dude
alt:fuck horse
altalt:shit fox
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 18:34, Reply)
alright scouser

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 18:59, Reply)
eat a bag of dicks

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 18:37, Reply)
All at once? or one at a time?
Are they individually wrapped? How many dicks are in this bag?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 18:59, Reply)
alright The LOVELY Mr H.
alright /talk. I've had two fruit pastilles lollys today so far, and I'm just about to get another one out of the freezer. And some rum.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 19:02, Reply)
corr! Can I have an ice lolly? Or even a shot of rum for my troubles?
please.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 19:03, Reply)
Sure you can The LOVELY Ess Ess.
I picked up 6 boxes of them in the coop at 3 for two boxes of four lollies.
*Sends fruit pastilles lolly and a glass of rum over the magic internets.*
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 19:11, Reply)
:D

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 19:24, Reply)
fuck this shit
I'm going to the juicer
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 19:35, Reply)
wanker
Alt: wanker
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 19:34, Reply)
prick
alt: fuck off dozers
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 19:36, Reply)
get fucked
Alt: shit off Horzo
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 19:57, Reply)
rip abram linkin

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 20:49, Reply)
much loved :(

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 20:51, Reply)
just shit my pants again

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 21:05, Reply)
Afternoon workers and doleys,
All housework done so I have a four day weekend starting now, what do you got that's so good, eh?

edit: Congratulation to Bummers for finding employment before receiving his first dole payment, an inspiration to many.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:32, Reply)
hi

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:36, Reply)
Sup Mono?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:52, Reply)
not a lot
raining now.
Shame
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:00, Reply)
yeh it hammered it down when i put the washing out
and went round the shop in shorts,a t-shirt and sunglasses. typical.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:01, Reply)
yeah I'm in full summer garb, and off late night kayaking tonight.
Might get cold.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:11, Reply)
you'll be fine

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:14, Reply)
I'm sure I will.
but I might be cold.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:21, Reply)
wear a thermal rash vest?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:32, Reply)
Thank fuck for you gloves
I fucked work off at 11:50 I am sure they will get me on the 19th of August. I am now in my speedos drinking vodka and lemonade in my garden. Fancy nipping round?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:40, Reply)
I aint no proclaimer
and I ain't walking 500 miles, and 500 more to get home, to catch a glimpse of you in yer childsnatcher nonce-wear ya feckin freak
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:51, Reply)
Bit FUCKING harsh like
Are we going to have our first fall out?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:54, Reply)
oh here we go...you're not gunna flounce on us are ya?

put the vodka down
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:56, Reply)
Nah it's not my style.
Since returning to b3ta I think being a nonce has helped me fit right in with the rest of you.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:57, Reply)
I am happy you are enjoying time off too :D

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:52, Reply)
It doesn't officially start until 5pm when I "officially" finish work :D

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:54, Reply)
I can't drink yet as I have to drive to a festival later
but when I get there, carnage will ensue
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:57, Reply)
Which fest?
I wanna do glasto next year but with working at a college and being a nonce and all it's difficult to get time off both professions
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:58, Reply)
no you don't
go to a good festival instead.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:01, Reply)
I know, I know.
Glasto is a fat overweight cash cow now for hipsters and what not. What would you recommend then? Ideally between the dates of 20th July 17th of august
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:04, Reply)
BOOMTOWN

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:04, Reply)

Little teaser
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:08, Reply)
Sonisphere.

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:09, Reply)
I went a few years ago loved it
But the missuses tastes are a little more mainstream cunt
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:19, Reply)
so don't take her.
Christ, do I have to think of everything?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:20, Reply)
well now...that's a great idea can I go with you?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:23, Reply)
no.

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:24, Reply)
nice one just gaz me your dress size and number
Nice one tart
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:28, Reply)
Bloodstock The LOVELY Span Eff.

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 19:12, Reply)
Download

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:09, Reply)
Hawkfest

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 16:09, Reply)
Roskilde

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:12, Reply)
MONO!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:18, Reply)
Sup Dawg

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:21, Reply)
Nice
Still dunno which to TRY to attend.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:48, Reply)
I recommend attending MONO!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 16:06, Reply)
Well with all the decent festivals you can actually see what the lineup is before buying your tickets.
Decide when they reveal.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 16:20, Reply)
boomtown is where its at. happening on the 8th untill my birthday :D
this one is a little one called forever sun. not a particularly reputable one, but im getting in free to do fire things
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:04, Reply)
Gutted I will be sunning it in Ixia in an all inclusive private beach hotel.
I will be sure to keep you updated on how shit it really isn't
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:05, Reply)
Theres not anywhere in the world I would rather be than at that festival at that point in time
you can keep me updated, but I will be written off from technology for quite a while if previous years are anything to go by
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:10, Reply)
so what's new ;-)

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:24, Reply)
Mnnnnnnnnnnngggggg

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:04, Reply)
Alright Mrs Sp@m.

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:13, Reply)
Alright Badger.

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:25, Reply)
Alright Spesh.

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:14, Reply)
Alright Span

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:27, Reply)
I hope you have a smashing blouse on In this weather

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:34, Reply)
my blouse matches my watch, i really am that much of a tart

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:40, Reply)
You are wearing an horribly gaudy shirt then.
I want to know more about the kettles
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:44, Reply)
hahahaha yeah

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:47, Reply)
Ah come on now I was only kidding.
I need a new watch and was actually going to ask your opinion, however my situation is a lot less than yours.

I had a 300 DKNY (it was a gift from an ex before you all start) and I smashed the glass. Would rather just purchase a new one for around about the same price.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:54, Reply)
the sekio 007 watches are a great watch for a reasonable price, most sekios are, depends what style watch you want really, sports, divers, dress watch, but sekio make their own movements, unlike fashion branded watches

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:14, Reply)
I have and still do own a kinetic titanium seiko
But again smashed the glass, I tend to drop them on tiled floors, however it started to lose time after a couple of years. Perhaps I should just get that fixed.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:17, Reply)
new crystal won't cost much and the timing gears probably need adjusting is all, i'd get that fixed, avoid all fashion brand watches, their movements are fucking jank

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:23, Reply)
Yeah realised that. As I say the fashion purchase was from an ex.
Cheers for the info. Now tell me about your kettles.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:29, Reply)
it's rhyming slang, kettle and hob = fob, kettle is a watch

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:31, Reply)
I don't get it

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:33, Reply)
And what about Seiko ones?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:22, Reply)
Alright Spesh.
I wasn't going to point that tiny mistake out
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:23, Reply)
if there were any Wis people here they'd be all a lolling now, must dash tho

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:30, Reply)
hey monty is here, top bloke, how's it going, hope you are well, can't chat, off carp fishing, l8rs

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:24, Reply)
hold up, is it our birthday, hooray

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:24, Reply)
Happy unBirthday Mongy!
I thought I'd better show myself, I'll be getting accused of only birthdaying if I don't.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:26, Reply)
well today just gets better and better

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:28, Reply)
It might be my b3ta day
Won't know unless I post.

Drat. My profile says 9 years 0 months 0 days, but it must have been yesterday.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:21, Reply)
awwwww man :( ner mind, it's shambles b3ta day but the big prick aint here

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:25, Reply)
Yeah it's always the day before.
Like Christmas when you get to open one present as long as you give your dad a blowjob on Christmas Eve
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:59, Reply)
Dammit
I look all needy now. Plus I'll have to wait another 12 months.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:01, Reply)
a blowjob is appreciated whatever time of year why wait?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 15:34, Reply)
oh good, the window cleaner is here

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:27, Reply)
i'm surrounded by hundreds of blinking leds, trying to understand it

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:31, Reply)
Are you in my brothers mini?
Or a switch room? Either way shit is gonna crash.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:38, Reply)
hundreds of units, all with leds
attached to the wall, blinking out of sync
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:45, Reply)
Switch room then.
Still the air con will be nice.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:55, Reply)
server room, electrical switch rooms don't tend to have leds, just pigmy panel lamps, imjustsaying

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:17, Reply)
All of our switch rooms had flashing LEDs on all of our switches
And 2 U racked servers, as well as our x serves. All flashing LEDs unless mistaken.

EDIT: I could have pointed out you spell Seiko, Seiko. I'm just sayin
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:24, Reply)
putting servers in electrical switch rooms is a bit silly, and it would be a new thing for me to see 400 amp switches that require leds, why would you need them?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:27, Reply)
You are talking about network switches right?
We just referred to it as a switch room. I am totally lost now
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:30, Reply)
no, switch rooms to me are electrical switch room where the big power goes in, server rooms are server rooms, but lets move on, i'm locked cocked and ready to fish, next up LFTL!!!!!!!!!!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:33, Reply)
Fuck yeah!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 16:10, Reply)
i'm not in a switch room

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:33, Reply)
then drop a pill and chill doves, enjoy

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:37, Reply)
Then you are in my brothers mini
AICMFFP
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:41, Reply)
Bit rude

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:35, Reply)
I only went and got a fucking job!!!
Time for a beer me thinks!
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:37, Reply)
nice one, turns out I have nerves or saink

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:39, Reply)
who knew, eh?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:42, Reply)
it was quite fun, fingers twitching as the shocks go in, I was lolling, I told the Dr thanks I enjoyed that, she reckoned most people hate it, poofs

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:45, Reply)
Sounds like you had a shocking time

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:48, Reply)
it was just the jolt I needed to get back on the lakes

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:49, Reply)
there is something fun about mild electric shocks

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:59, Reply)
chevron

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:23, Reply)
OF STEEL

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:54, Reply)
well done, bumless
you've proved that bumlessness needn't be an impediment to success
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:42, Reply)

jelly.b3ta.com/talk/7681776
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:42, Reply)

\_(ツ)_/
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:58, Reply)
whoop whoop

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:48, Reply)
Methinks?
Gadzooks
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:45, Reply)
forsooth!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:26, Reply)
Nice one bumless
See not the end of the world. Congrats man.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:51, Reply)
Cheers dude,
Should leave me a lot of time to write as well which is good
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:54, Reply)
What do you write?
Is there anywhere we can read some of this?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:11, Reply)
rem my blogs a bit out of date but thats probably the best place
lifeisballbagthenyoudie.wordpress.com

but I'm trying to hammer out a book also which is why I've got slack on the blog
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:29, Reply)
You should linkify that.
And post it on links. I haven't looked at it yet so it might be shit I dunno.

Also is it legible for nonces before I give it a go?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:40, Reply)
shall do, yeah its pretty nonce friendly

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:56, Reply)
I see you must have experience in this field

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:07, Reply)
Good on yer, bumless.
Was it the care job you mentioned yesterday? Hope it goes well.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:20, Reply)
Yeah support worker role
Should be interesting
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:28, Reply)

Should be interesting sexually arousing
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 13:46, Reply)
Nice one bummers

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:59, Reply)
afternoon

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:34, Reply)
I fucked work off and decided to come home and sunbathe and have a beer instead
Why don't you lot all fuck work off? What's keeping you there?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:34, Reply)
I really like crumpets, but I need them prepared in a very specific way
are you really fucking picky about something? You can't say No, or be pedantic about spelling.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:17, Reply)
Can I say Hitler?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:18, Reply)
You know what?
You just did, Mochambo!
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:19, Reply)
Mind: blown.

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:22, Reply)
well it ain't gonna blow itself!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:34, Reply)
my girlfriend is OCD about how she has her salad tossed.

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:20, Reply)
I don't blame her

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:21, Reply)
and yet she lets everyone else just rumage around

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:29, Reply)
yeah, tea, chinese people don't know how to make decent tea.

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:21, Reply)
Those fucking pricks

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:22, Reply)
damn right

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:25, Reply)
gonna have to clean this mess up

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:22, Reply)
do you need a wet wipe?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:34, Reply)
might just run out of the office

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:37, Reply)
I hope you are not wearing light coloured trousers

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:39, Reply)
explain how you like your crumpets.
I have to HAVE to have pepper on a sausage on toast sarnie. Otherwise the whole day is a fucking write off and i go into deep depression.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:25, Reply)
bit personal

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:30, Reply)
no but when i do oven chips,
i line them all up neatly in the baking tray and Spacefish laughs at me
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:26, Reply)
but that makes sense
They'll all be cooked equally, making for a better chip experience
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:29, Reply)
exactly

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:43, Reply)
I don't understand the world anymore, MGT
People not liking West Side Story, other people being pedantic about spelling, others laughing at people for cooking chips in a fastidious manner. Hell in a handcart, I tell you.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:04, Reply)
It was originally called East Side Story you know that right?
Later renamed to Toy Story 3
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 14:31, Reply)
mods

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:32, Reply)
what's the specific way?
i took crumpets to baku as an example of british culture
along with marmite, shortbread, tea, gin and scotch
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:41, Reply)
I bet that blew their tiny balkan minds
Lightly toasted underneath, slightly overdone on top, LOADS of butter.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:06, Reply)
here's a juicy fact for you
sometimes, right, i'll toast a crumpet, then cover it in tomato sauce & cheese and stick it under the grill
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:13, Reply)
Tomato? Too rich for my blood
Could I interest you in a little Lee and Perrins?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:18, Reply)
you could indeed

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:20, Reply)
Capital
It's Izzard next week. Wanna maybe come over here on the Saturday to talk about it? And drink? And maybe smoke something?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:25, Reply)
sounds good! aside from the talking bit

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:28, Reply)
nah, you're alright, you are
i'll speak to the missus and confirm
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:29, Reply)
you do that

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:35, Reply)
i won't eat other people's cheese.
it might be all wrong.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:43, Reply)

on't ill
+knob
t
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:45, Reply)
Not back 5 minutes, and he's already back to form

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:02, Reply)
the forrins thought the whole uk team were hilarious
i don't think they are allowed jokes in former soviet republics
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:10, Reply)
Haha, you say it nice weather outside but it not nice weather and that is why is funny!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:13, Reply)
oh ho ho!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:14, Reply)
I do them for TWO WHOLE GOES in the toaster.
But that's just me! I'm crazy!!!
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:45, Reply)
Jesus, you're bonkers mate!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:05, Reply)
Yeah, my nose.
YOU KNOW, BOGIES!
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:47, Reply)
Haha, you can't say that online, you lunatic!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:07, Reply)
when I order a McDonald's meal I like all the components served at the same time, not to be given my chips and drink and told to sit and wait for my burger, that's must just be me tho coz the till monkies think it's alright
pricks
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:10, Reply)
quite right too
You could always try saying loudly "FAST FOOD, MY ARSE"
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:14, Reply)
do you eat the chips, then have none when the burger arrives, or wait and have cold chips? I don't really need this stress

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:17, Reply)
It's a burger joint, they should always have burgers ready
Fuck that. If they try to fob you off, you throw the chips at them and tell them to try again.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:22, Reply)
perhaps if that fucking clown stopped worrying about hamburgler and larging it with mayor mccheese he could train his staff, broken Britain

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:26, Reply)
he's a fucking bully
i.imgur.com/E6DjhYZ.jpg
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:30, Reply)
it's a fat ssg

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:33, Reply)
:(((

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:38, Reply)
hey I'm nervous in the nerve clinic

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:59, Reply)
i'll let you off then
stiff upper lip, mongs. you'll be fine
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:13, Reply)
haha
That big fucking clown. Who's the one in the red wig though?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:38, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/7750851
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:42, Reply)
Have you still got that picture of you with Geri Halliwell and Hacksaw jim duggan?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:52, Reply)
i, err... what?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:13, Reply)
:(
You've forgotten about it? Man, that'll be lost forever.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:16, Reply)
i haven't the faintest idea what you're on about
i do have a pretty addled memory though
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:21, Reply)
Has B3tards been taken down?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:24, Reply)
yeah, a while ago
they're working on recovering the content though
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:27, Reply)
Well I think it's on there
fingers crossed.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:28, Reply)
Is that actually manolith in the flesh?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:42, Reply)
sure is, playa
/edit: well, no actually. it's a photograph
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 12:13, Reply)
Bill Bailey's let himself go

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:59, Reply)
just do what the cretins in this town do and piss on the floor in there.
problem solved.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:22, Reply)
how would that solve this particular problem? you are an idiot

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:28, Reply)
then the staff will be distracted by the mess and you'll never get your food
You haven't thought this through
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:37, Reply)
he's a fucking idiot

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:47, Reply)
When I get chips served in a cone I make the server stack them according to size so that no space is wasted
it's like potato Jenga
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:35, Reply)
autism lols

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 11:48, Reply)
Ahoy

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:43, Reply)
MONO!
Ahoy! What...wait...are you on a ship?
EDIT: If so I hope it hits an iceberg.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:44, Reply)
Don't be a prick.

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:45, Reply)
get fucked

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:45, Reply)
Avast!
MONO off the starboard bow! Prepare to repell boarders.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:46, Reply)
repell?
are we suddenly ignoring proper spelling around here?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:48, Reply)
get fucked
Did I spell that ok?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:50, Reply)
hahaha

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:51, Reply)
hehehe

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:52, Reply)
hihihi

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:54, Reply)
hohoho

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:58, Reply)
huhuhu

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:20, Reply)

Hi, Hi, Hi
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:05, Reply)
avast behind!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:48, Reply)
who are you?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:51, Reply)
have you moved on already?
i thought we had something special
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:54, Reply)
short bus special?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:56, Reply)
strugglebus

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:58, Reply)
*belms affectionately*

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:00, Reply)
dude

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:50, Reply)
sweet

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:51, Reply)
The Jets are gonna get their kicks toniiiiiiight

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:57, Reply)
When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:11, Reply)
was your father as bold as the sergeant major?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:16, Reply)

o a
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:18, Reply)
round here thick people like to pronounce the word bald as bold
Strange... but true!
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:24, Reply)
just shit my pants

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:58, Reply)
colour and consistency are essential details your post lacks currently.
please try harder.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:59, Reply)
oops

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:00, Reply)
Did you mean to type that into google?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:07, Reply)
do you think it is ok to wear shorts to a hospital appointment? i normally like to go smart as i feel the doctors treat you better, but it is hot today

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:16, Reply)
get some suit shorts

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:18, Reply)
bit late i've go to go in a minute, i'm going to look awful :(

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:20, Reply)
your watch will mark you out as a man who deserves respect

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:29, Reply)
fuck yeah
they normally just ask me to get my wang out anyway when I visit the GUM clinic, so i just pull it out the bottom of my shorts.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:18, Reply)
i went to the hospital in shorts yesterday
they were pretty fucking rude but then i think that's just par for the course these days
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:22, Reply)
morning

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 6:55, Reply)
top of the mornin' to ya dozer
alt: get fucked.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 7:02, Reply)
alright spanishnonce
I hope you serve a twenty year sentence for something you didn't do.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 7:05, Reply)
Alright dozer
Now why would you wish such a horrible thing, I would much prefer to go to jail for 20 years for the numerous child molestation crimes I am already guilty of.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 7:23, Reply)
Tell it to the judge, nonce

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 7:27, Reply)
Can i use you as a character witness?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:41, Reply)
salam, motherfuckers

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 7:51, Reply)
Did you go somewhere?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 8:23, Reply)
aye, you can tell because i wasn't here every other day
all 'hey guys i'm having such a great time! no, really. maybe if i can make you believe it, i'll believe it too! ha hahaha ha...'
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 8:52, Reply)
I assume you were somewhere shit that didn't even have internet.
Don't worry, nobody missed you
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 8:59, Reply)
no-one got the chance to miss you, unfortunately

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:06, Reply)
the internet was a bit slow in our villa but then there were about 30 of us using it

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:15, Reply)
tourism took a real boost

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:18, Reply)
i did fly over ukraine a couple of days before the plane got shot down

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:25, Reply)
Jesus, really?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:26, Reply)
yup

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:35, Reply)
i've only just got to bosnia in the bus, fanks for waiting :'(

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:27, Reply)
i thought we were all meeting up in bulgaria later in the summer!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:35, Reply)
YEAH!
My missus has gathered together all the chicks she knows who go on mumsnet. It's going to be like West Side fucking Story.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:38, Reply)
what, shit?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:41, Reply)
Savage

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:47, Reply)
*clicks fingers in an aggressive noo yoik gangland style*

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:55, Reply)
let's get ready to rumble

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:49, Reply)
I can't wait for this.
If I turn up and i am the only one there i will be seriously fucked off.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:39, Reply)
Don't worry, I've hired Sofia
The whole of Sofia

w
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:42, Reply)
does she/he do timeshare?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:45, Reply)
oh I'll turn round again, fucking antibiotics have addled my brain

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:45, Reply)
pepperon, beeatch

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 8:57, Reply)
google says
Did you mean: pepperoni
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:16, Reply)
I dunno
did you mean salami?
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:21, Reply)
oh, OH! i get it
there was a team of polish girls staying at the place i was in. they're a bit odd, aren't they
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:24, Reply)
properly mental
They're famed for their beauty but they're all seriously unhinged.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:32, Reply)
2 out of the 3 were good looking
all 3 were crazy though
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:36, Reply)
I have a friend who loves european women
but then I sometimes wish I didn't understand english when he speaks
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:40, Reply)
haha, i bet
i have to admit, georgia, lithuania, italy, ukraine and moldova had some lovely ladies
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:43, Reply)
Yeah, they do breed them well in that part of the world

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:45, Reply)
i got a couple of marriage proposals, i can tell you that much

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:55, Reply)
Ahoy hoy!

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:12, Reply)
hey hey hey

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:16, Reply)
Did it go good?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:19, Reply)
yeah, it did
it was hard work but i had a great time
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:24, Reply)
what were you doing?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:25, Reply)
a project about the problem of youth unemployment in different cultures

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:36, Reply)
they should go fishing and collect watches, hth

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:47, Reply)
did you get your new one?

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:49, Reply)
i did indeed, and is very pretty indeed, i will wear it today for my electromyography and nerve conduction tests

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:55, Reply)
stay strong, m

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:04, Reply)
won't be the first time i've had needles put in my arms , first time i've had them wired up tho

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:12, Reply)
Hey guys, I think we might have upset this forum user
www.b3ta.com/questions/badideas/post2332151
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 8:19, Reply)
Why isn't this shitcunt on Mike's list?
www.b3ta.com/questions/badideas/post2332258
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:39, Reply)
woah, i just saw the origin story of neptune's sig

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:53, Reply)
morning the dozeton

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 8:25, Reply)
alright

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 8:39, Reply)
oh yeah hi how are y
oh
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:07, Reply)
4/7 today, poor effort
www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-magazine-monitor-28465558
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:11, Reply)
3/7
:(
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:18, Reply)
7 for me, but then i've not been out much this week so have seen the bbc 11am news a fair bit

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:26, Reply)
I don't think any of those stories were in this week's news

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:35, Reply)
5/7 I have done fuck all work this week that should have been 100%.

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 9:40, Reply)
4 too, just guesses, that waiter strip is well wack

(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:19, Reply)

4 too, just guesses, that waiter strip is well wack wanking material.
(, Fri 25 Jul 2014, 10:31, Reply)
I'd love to have pornographic sex acts with Fiona Bruce
Alt: alright
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 22:13, Reply)
I've written a kids' version of Snakes On A Plane. It's called The Eels On The Bus.
(Peter Serafinowicz A Billion Jokes Volume 1)
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 22:15, Reply)
I talk to my step ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder
(Harry Hill)
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 22:20, Reply)
joe pasquale i think

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 22:23, Reply)
you're joking me?
I hate that squeaky voiced cunt
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 22:56, Reply)
i enjoyed thorpe park, it's alright

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 22:22, Reply)

sorry mongy
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 23:27, Reply)
whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, really i expect more from you grrry, reddit has changed you

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 23:40, Reply)
nah, it's alright
I don't really read the Telegraph
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 23:48, Reply)
I'd like her to talk dirty like it was a news update

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 23:01, Reply)
I'm needy, bored and miserable, please cheer me up with some jokes.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:08, Reply)
get fucked

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:12, Reply)
cool

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:14, Reply)
One word review of What's Eating Gilbert Grape: Leotard
(Peter Serafinowicz A Billion Jokes Volume 1)
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:24, Reply)
If you overdose on kebab, you have to go to rebab
(Peter Serafinowicz A Billion Jokes Volume 1)
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:26, Reply)
"What's the antimatter?"
"Oh, nothing"
(Peter Serafinowicz A Billion Jokes Volume 1)
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:29, Reply)
what's both big and small at the same time?
a big egg
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:30, Reply)
Please never post here again, thanks.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:40, Reply)
Okay

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:42, Reply)
YES!!

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:48, Reply)
Only 56 users to go and you'll both have a nice empty playground

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:56, Reply)
what did the big phone say to the little phone you're too young to be engaged lololol

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:31, Reply)
shed of the year is on

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:31, Reply)
I wonder if I could achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
(Peter Serafinowicz A Billion Jokes Volume 1)
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:34, Reply)
DINNER PARTY ERROR: The host could not be found. Also, there was no response from the server.
(Peter Serafinowicz A Billion Jokes Volume 1)
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 22:04, Reply)
A joke with a setup that is also the punchline:
Khomeini ayatollahs does it take to change a lightbulb?
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 22:11, Reply)
kiss
my big pink pimply butt.
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 22:58, Reply)
Hello
Tips please for a multitude of call centres phoning every day?

I had one this evening and played Derek & Clive down the phone to him.

I simply know you'll do better than that...?
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:17, Reply)
Tell em to get fucked

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:19, Reply)
get an answerphone

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:23, Reply)
To work or home?

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:24, Reply)
I
work from home, so yes and yes.
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:26, Reply)
get fucked

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:49, Reply)
register with TPS?

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:28, Reply)
That doesn't do shit all any more.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:31, Reply)
This
/\
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:38, Reply)
does he then ring you up with his shitty morning reports about how horny he is? bet he charges too the walter mitty conman wanker, lol

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:32, Reply)
Already registered.
It still doesn't stop those pesky critters.
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:40, Reply)
you're probably best unplugging the phone

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:15, Reply)
Move to the Pitcairn Islands

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:31, Reply)
alright rich

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:38, Reply)
ez mongy bruv

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:47, Reply)
arnold schwartzenegger soundboard lol
lol
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:41, Reply)
kill yourself

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 21:11, Reply)
What's /talk like for banter, OT is officially dead from tomorrow, seems quiet here. Banter, as in talking shite, bitching and pointless arguing?

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 17:54, Reply)
get fucked

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:00, Reply)
mind the piss

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:02, Reply)
Cor!

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:23, Reply)
get fucked

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:00, Reply)
alright Buttcranley

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:01, Reply)
Afternoon.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:06, Reply)
alright spesh, so what's happening with you?
keep it short.
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:07, Reply)
Pub today very little else.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:32, Reply)
I kinda slagged you off lower down...no no don't bother scrolling down...
I like your style.
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:34, Reply)
fucking creep

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:38, Reply)
its a survival mechanism like a squids ink
kinda like forum jizz
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:51, Reply)
squids are pricks

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:54, Reply)
with 2 legs.
i fucking hate squids anyway. Calamari, deep fried, now you are talking.
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:55, Reply)
I heard you liked chewing rings

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:10, Reply)
it all starts with a gentle lick

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:13, Reply)
fuck off you prick

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:10, Reply)
fuck off you fat fingered buffoon
Alt: develop pancreatic cancer.
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:14, Reply)
Christ, you're here?

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:26, Reply)
fucken looks like it eh

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:28, Reply)
fuck off dozers

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:33, Reply)
love you too baby!

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:44, Reply)
I'll try / links.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:33, Reply)
And i was being nice and i just get fucking blanked.
well he can GET FUCKED now.
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:33, Reply)
There was a pint with your name on it. Said xxxx.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:42, Reply)
GROOMING THERE IS GROOMING HAPPENING

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:56, Reply)
But nice grooming.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:57, Reply)
Well where's my fucking pint like?

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:58, Reply)
Check gaz, you blind cunt. It may come through in two halves, Jesus. Needy.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:10, Reply)
get fucked

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:24, Reply)
Of course.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:28, Reply)
Of course

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:28, Reply)
Rob must have changed something.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:49, Reply)
His clothes.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:51, Reply)
Why does no body every groom me :(
Just because I have no bumble aint it. bastards
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 18:58, Reply)
*grooms*

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:04, Reply)
mmmmmm feels just like rolf harris

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:10, Reply)
BUMHOLES

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:08, Reply)
terrible bullying of bumless

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:24, Reply)
OOI, where did your bum go?

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:29, Reply)
bouncing up and down on your mum

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:49, Reply)
Did she pay up front?

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:52, Reply)
Fuck off back to QOTW.
We don't want your sort round here.
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:54, Reply)
Its the LOVELY stuj come to save the day.
tell him to get fucked stuj, tell him, go on, tell him.
(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 19:59, Reply)
A bromance here.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:02, Reply)
clicking this

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:04, Reply)
I realise /talk is the most exclusive part of b3ta. As in dead.

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:10, Reply)
hahaha yeah

(, Thu 24 Jul 2014, 20:11, Reply)

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