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Six lemon and sugar and one nutella.
Pronounced "nutella".
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 22:20, Reply)
Shittest poker hand ever

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 22:26, Reply)
I'm eking out the last of the batter.
All over your nan's tits.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 22:28, Reply)
<s>'s</s>
edit: you filthy editor.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 22:28, Reply)
Plausible deniability.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 22:34, Reply)
Just make some more, you fucking idiot.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 22:34, Reply)
I made a banana loaf and had some of that.
The four pancakes I'm having are more than sufficient.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 22:37, Reply)
Banana loaf sounds like something the thick kids would make in home economics.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 23:01, Reply)
You say that like it's a bad thing.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 23:15, Reply)
The drool makes it extra moist.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 23:22, Reply)
have you tried dipping doughnuts in it?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 23:35, Reply)
jeepers, you fat shit, two Nutella and I gave up

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 22:47, Reply)
Nancy.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 22:52, Reply)
I had no pancakes.

(, Wed 10 Feb 2016, 0:19, Reply)
It's Fat Tuesday, you fat gets.
How are you planning to be fat gets, you fat gets?
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:41, Reply)
going out for Jap food and sake

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:44, Reply)
I mean it's not exactly doughnuts and chips but it's the best I can suggest

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:45, Reply)
Is that another one of Milligan's sitcoms?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:48, Reply)
bought that for my brother for xmas

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:50, Reply)
Ask for whale sashimi then fuck shit up.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:47, Reply)
locally caught

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:49, Reply)
[ picture of a fat lass in ill-advised jeggings ]

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:52, Reply)
brb

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:53, Reply)
brb was a fat lass?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:54, Reply)
Explains the fascination with bins, she was out scavenging for discarded kebabs

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:02, Reply)
hahaha

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:06, Reply)
sort of like this I bet
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhNUUFZ7kyA
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:08, Reply)
brb

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:42, Reply)
WHY DOES THAT HAVE 4 MILLION VIEWS?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:48, Reply)
I HAD A HARD WEEK OK?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:50, Reply)
pft

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 20:26, Reply)

¬O_o-ohbollocksrestoftheshruggingthinghere
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 20:26, Reply)
ffsake

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:50, Reply)
Too late, i did it last Thursday

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:45, Reply)
Double-fat Fatso O'Fatterhy.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:48, Reply)

Might have some sushi tonight, or some soup.
Im losing weight, pet.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:45, Reply)
*hums the Phildelphia soundtrack*

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:46, Reply)

AIDS free, dear. Must be cancer.
Serious.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:50, Reply)
Don't die Jase

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:51, Reply)
his wheeled warriors will protect him

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:55, Reply)
Yes, cream cheese would certainly help him put the weight back on.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:50, Reply)
Diets are for fat birds and oh right ahahaha.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:49, Reply)
My 33 year long strategy of never doing any exercise ever seems to have failed so I'm gonna have to up my game.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:51, Reply)
Mebbe cut down on the amphetamines?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:53, Reply)
How the hell will I stay awake whilst people moan on about their chronic fatigue or tell me how they're too depressed to ever work again because their dog died?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:00, Reply)
why don't you do what most gps do, coldly shove an IAPT leaflet under their miserable dripping faces and shove them out of the door
"oh really Mildred, don't be absurd, if I showed compassion to everyone who comes through the door, I would be a wreck by 11.30am, I need to stay fresh for posting on a forum I visit"
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:04, Reply)
ps
no offence
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:16, Reply)
haha!

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:24, Reply)
It's called 'Let's Talk' here. I enjoy that, handing out a slip of paper that says 'Let's Talk' and then coldly telling them to go away.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:39, Reply)
What sort of cunt wants to talk to you? I struggle on a text based forum

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:44, Reply)
hey hey it's the mongy
and people say he mongys around
he talks about watches and fishing
and puts everybody down
:(
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:45, Reply)
Have a let's talk leaflet and fuck off then

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 20:14, Reply)
ribs for dinner then prolly make some pancakes because today's the only day you can do that legally

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:54, Reply)
We had pancakes on new years eve.
Fuck you, so-called "human rights".
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:59, Reply)
Europe would ban this
vote no, dig a hole, get in it, pull a tarp over the top
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:09, Reply)
Its national pizza day tho

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:06, Reply)
it's also toothache day
extraterrestrial culture day and read in the bathtub day
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:30, Reply)
I hope that somewhere there's an alien sat having a long hot soak to take its mind off a sore molar whilst leafing through Cosmos

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 20:27, Reply)
well if there are an infinite number of universes...

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 21:16, Reply)
foood

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:54, Reply)
adam osborne is like looking at the picture george has been keeping in the attic at number 11

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:59, Reply)
I'm going to make savoury pancakes with stuff like oboe jeans in because I'm a fat foody prick.
Probably do like some super amazing 3 course all pancake meal, with maybe American pancakes for starter and then a crepe suzette for dessert and main course will be like a burrito pancake with vomit all over your mother's mum's wank cunt shit bollocks fuck a horse.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:06, Reply)
Savory pancakes are for wankers

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:10, Reply)
Sugar and lemon is all anyone should need.
Maybe chocolate if you're a homo or a blobbing bird.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:11, Reply)
wut
www.deliaonline.com/home/Print-Recipe.html?PID=1773&CID=364
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:12, Reply)
that tried to automatically print
vlad, you scoundrel
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:31, Reply)
lol wat
you can't trust delia
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 20:24, Reply)
pancakes of all kinds are bent and shit

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:17, Reply)
nah mat8 they should be round and flat

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:31, Reply)
He is such a fucking shape-spaz.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 19:20, Reply)
if he was a shape he'd be an obmong

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 19:46, Reply)
Poor Mr findus, spinning in his grave

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:33, Reply)

theloserswhomadeit.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/pancake_face.jpg
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:10, Reply)
I make my own vomit all over your mother's mum's wank cunt shit bollocks fuck a horse

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:18, Reply)
crepes a la tourettes

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:19, Reply)
From scratch? Impressive.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:26, Reply)
And it's so hard to get good scratch these days, isn't it?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:32, Reply)
Oh isn't it. Out local waitrose sometimes has it in, otherwise it's a trip to the ghastly farm shop.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:47, Reply)
didn't realise this was from windo's post as it was tl;dr
thought you'd just finally snapped
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:34, Reply)
Yer I didn't read it all either, I assume it's gonz Facebook tho now

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:37, Reply)
this autocorrect thing is getting out of hand

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:20, Reply)
I think it's set on autourettocorrect

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:22, Reply)
wetherspoons for dinner, proper posh grub there

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:17, Reply)
Spoons mate, just saying

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:34, Reply)
Kettle Chips and beer, obvs.
Pancakes are for wusses.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 18:46, Reply)
tins of lager and bag of sniff

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 19:11, Reply)
I'm doing loads of sniff now, can't put on an ounce, do I need more?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 19:31, Reply)
Have you tried dipping doughnuts in it?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 19:44, Reply)
I lied. I only have the lager.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 20:00, Reply)
Have you tried dipping doughnuts in it?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 20:09, Reply)
Your Nan gives me dough for dipping my nuts in her

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 20:45, Reply)
You've got to have saink mate, you'll waste away, get a half in eh

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 20:47, Reply)
Bullshit

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:24, Reply)
Yeah but it's not though
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:25, Reply)
I believe that in Iceland you can only pick your child's name from an approved list
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:28, Reply)
game recognise game, son
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:31, Reply)
How does this game work?
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:35, Reply)

Poor little Prawn Ring and Profiterole Hats
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:33, Reply)
Kerry-Katona Hats and Peter Andre Jr, ACTUALLY

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:34, Reply)
I once bought a massive bag of broken pie cases for about 20p at a pie shop on my way home after a night out.
Turns out they're not very nice without all the pie filling or being baked a second time.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:46, Reply)
who'd have thought

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:11, Reply)
not me, obviously.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:12, Reply)
They've also got a website that allows them to check to make sure they're not about to fuck their cousins.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:40, Reply)
I was trying to come up with something Toblerone related, but I've got nothing
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:43, Reply)
A bit like Saab and GM as well then.
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:44, Reply)
Gonna do a full 'unboxing' video next time I buy a bag of apples.
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:35, Reply)
There were 5 originally but Chas Chandler died from an aneurysm in 1996.
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:36, Reply)
papal?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:33, Reply)
I LIKE THE POPE COZ THE POPE SMOKES DOPE
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:43, Reply)
vintage two hats, there
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:47, Reply)
History will be very kind to that man
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:50, Reply)
seems unlikely
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:51, Reply)
There's a difference between being wrong and being misinformed
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:51, Reply)
Nicole?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:44, Reply)
no i just use cash

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:46, Reply)
A JOKE IS ONLY FUNNY IF EVERYONE'S LAUGHING
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:50, Reply)
dunno

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:45, Reply)
I can't help thinking that you've focussed on the wrong part of the story
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:51, Reply)
probably

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:55, Reply)
I definitely felt a muscle in my left cheek twitch
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:55, Reply)
that Gemma Arterton
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:02, Reply)
There's partial curvature and pronounced nipplery
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:03, Reply)
phwoar! knockers!
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:11, Reply)
hi everyone

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:17, Reply)
People are very rude here

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:26, Reply)
it's disgraceful

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:31, Reply)
If this were a real messageboard there'd be a moderator to sort them all out.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:42, Reply)
well it isn't, so fuck off

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:52, Reply)
yeah i guess

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:24, Reply)
Who's the biggest berk you've ever met?
I've met baldmonkey so I'm abstaining from this round.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:46, Reply)
you could've just said you were busy or something, i don't mind
i'm sure someone else will help me with my fence
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:49, Reply)
hey Doveston I've erected many a fence let me know what u need and I will do my utmost ok call me yeah

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:50, Reply)
I got as far as 'erected' then lost interest

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:52, Reply)
a bloke i know fence kept blowing panels, so he used decking timber between the concrete posts, never blew down again

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:52, Reply)
I sank three new concrete fence posts for one of my Dad's tenants after her fence blew down
and she died three weeks later. How ungrateful is that?
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:55, Reply)
Your ugly straining face probably did her heart in.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:56, Reply)
When I bend over in my work jeans, you have to look at my feet to tell which way I'm facing

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:56, Reply)
you could build a fence out of bricks
that'd stop the big bad wolf
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:56, Reply)
if you use celcon blocks it will be quicker and easier

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:01, Reply)
haver blocks would never get blown down

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:05, Reply)
no, but we had those when i was a kid and the wall was always falling over

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:10, Reply)
Building chat is even sexier than fishing chat.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:19, Reply)
Soon be baselworld

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:27, Reply)
hover blocks would make the whole fence a bit pointless

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:27, Reply)
Be good for hedgehogs tho

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:29, Reply)
true. i'm glad someone is thinking of them

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:31, Reply)

I got as far as "blowing" then I lost interest
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:44, Reply)
I bet you did, you dirty old bollocks.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:05, Reply)
thanks hun, i'll be in touch when i need to put it back up xxx

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:59, Reply)
I'll always lend a hand when you have trouble getting it up

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:59, Reply)
this guy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3a3bN0gJk48
giphy.com/gifs/WZNmSxENEtdbG
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:36, Reply)

prolly this one
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:38, Reply)
my fence blew down, did your fence blow down?
does anyone want to help me remove the remnants of my fence?
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:44, Reply)
My fence is fine.
I had the old shitty panel fencing ripped up and replaced with proper close board fencing. We are now both wind and zombie proof.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:48, Reply)
ok great

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:49, Reply)
base boards onto gravel?
or is it all going to rot out in 10 years
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:50, Reply)
Concrete spurs and gravel boards. That cunt isn't going anywhere.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:54, Reply)
Until that massive idiot horse chestnut drops a limb onto it.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:55, Reply)
chestnut is a nice name for a horse

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:56, Reply)
You should see his conkers. Eh? Eh? Get it?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:58, Reply)
have you put trellis panels on top to max out the ugliness factor?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:59, Reply)
Why would I put trellis on a horse chestnut tree?
It's fifty foot high. What cunt is going to notice twee decorative woodwork up there?
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:19, Reply)
Apart from that looming ent freak manolith obvs.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:20, Reply)
are you saying i'm not worth the effort?
bit fucking rude
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:28, Reply)
I've already written you a love song on my roof. What more do you want.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 15:47, Reply)
ROSES ARE RED, VIOLETS ARE BLUE
YOU LOOK DOWN ON ME
I LOOK UP TO YOU
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 16:59, Reply)
I think we're basically the same size but this ruins the GIANT MODOLITH running gag.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 17:08, Reply)
my fence is fine, it's only a little 3ft high picket, it's nice because i can check on mollie next door, she's 89 so i like to keep my eye on her

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:50, Reply)
i haven't seen the old lady next door since before xmas, but fuck her

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:53, Reply)
i have no fence, no offence
if any of the bits blew as far as pompey, i'll grab 'em for you
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:54, Reply)
what's the longest lurk you've ever seen?
alt: whats the longest turk you've ever seen?
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:34, Reply)
^that one's pretty impressive^

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:38, Reply)
fanks.
see you in 5 years.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:17, Reply)
Pretty sure I lurked here for about a decade before I started posting.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:17, Reply)
dunno, poor jim jam
www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/14263456._I_don_t_know_why_they_took_him___Terrapin_that_thinks_he_s_a_dog_stolen_from_Bromley_home/
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:46, Reply)
fuck

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:58, Reply)
Just imagine the headline if they catch the thief:
"Pigs nab cat-burglar who stole dog-loving terrapin; does bird".
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:19, Reply)
If you come up with a good headline does the paper let you take the rest of the day off?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:32, Reply)
no
I think you have to bash out the rest of the story too before you fuck off down the pub.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:39, Reply)
That's where you're wrong, usually the sub-ed does the headlines.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:35, Reply)
dunno, all the journos I worked with had to snap the news ASAP
and the snap was condensed to the headline as they padded out the story over the next hour. Then again, it's not easy to be punny when you're talking about ECB changing their rates again.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:37, Reply)
'I don't know why they took him'
... "his owners are offering a £150 reward for his safe return."

I think that's why they took him.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:44, Reply)
fuck off dozers

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:47, Reply)
Krill

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:47, Reply)
Krill yrouself

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:57, Reply)
Huh?
Why?
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:57, Reply)

i.imgur.com/VC3FnAU.gifv
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:54, Reply)
is that from the new series? i don't recognise it

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:55, Reply)
yer, the most recent episode. it was a doozy

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:55, Reply)
is it worth my time going through the hassle of downloading it or should i just wait until it's on netflix?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:57, Reply)
you might be waiting quite a long time
i've been watching them on www.watchseries.li/serie/its_always_sunny_in_philadelphia
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:58, Reply)
oh yeah, fair enough

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:04, Reply)
I'm going to wait for the series to finish then binge the lot

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:10, Reply)
well it's half over, you could just do it in two sittings

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:15, Reply)
I don't really have anything to contribute here
Soz
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:02, Reply)
how can I see someone who's lurking, you dim prick?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:06, Reply)
lasers?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:17, Reply)
you put the a, r, s and e into laser m8

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:19, Reply)
input noted. thanks.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:21, Reply)
Thought you were going to fuck off for another 5 years.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:26, Reply)
bloody L

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:33, Reply)
This one's pretty long:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sultan_K%C3%B6sen
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:12, Reply)
impressive.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:18, Reply)
His wang is disappointingly average.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:27, Reply)
I liked it when he met He Pingping
www.vancouversun.com/life/cms/binary/9098883.jpg?size=620x400s
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:35, Reply)
i missed grrry's question so i'm going to answer that
work has taken me to welwyn garden city, perth, glasgow, london but most often portsmouth
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:21, Reply)
western australia is a hell of a commute

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:25, Reply)

western
hell of a commute shithole
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:38, Reply)
i like it, i might move there once my kids are 18

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:46, Reply)
can you catch any particularly impressive fish there?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:15, Reply)
yes you can, but you have to kill carp if you catch them, its the law

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:21, Reply)
what's the thinking behind that then? have they got too many or sutin?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:30, Reply)
they are considered a non native pest, they do fuck a rivers eco systems shit the fuck up

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:34, Reply)
I'm going to Italy next week. If anybody wants any pig products. Or cheese. Or plumbers.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:26, Reply)
nah the exchange rate is low, i'll wait till it hits near 1.4 again

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:34, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/5798991
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:41, Reply)
Do you work in a rehabilitation clinic or sutin?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:27, Reply)
nah, i'll give you the explanation i give family as to what i do
yeah well you know computers? i make stuff work on them
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:32, Reply)
can you make mine work?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:35, Reply)
Sounds THRILLING

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:39, Reply)
isn't it, not many people get to work with computers these days

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:45, Reply)
I did that today... in one of the worst technologies from yesteryear, centura.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:48, Reply)
I tell my family that I write down how other people do their jobs so that those people can be fired

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:40, Reply)
I try to talk to my family about things that might be of more interest

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:44, Reply)
i try not to talk to my family

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:45, Reply)
i try not to talk to my family at all

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:45, Reply)
i'd say you're like family to me but you're more than that xxx

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:56, Reply)
aww thx oxoxo

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:04, Reply)
i try not to talk to these guys families ^

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:55, Reply)
nor should you, mine are only children and you would scare them

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:57, Reply)
^father of the year

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:59, Reply)
every year, i've got the mugs, coasters and keyrings to prove it

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:05, Reply)
I quite like my family

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:57, Reply)
i wonder why they all hate you then

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:58, Reply)
I'm not particularly likeable

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:12, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7892367
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:29, Reply)
Robert Lindsay is gr8 eh m8

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:33, Reply)
There's biblical hail here on the South coast at the moment
End times
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:02, Reply)
no there isn't

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:05, Reply)
oh yes there was

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:10, Reply)
nope
i'm on the south coast and there's been no hail all day
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:13, Reply)
I can corroborate this

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:15, Reply)
Well if you're east of Bournemouth
hold onto your hat
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:16, Reply)
Looks like I need to fly to Germany next week for work
Where has your work taken you?
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:34, Reply)
havant
and once I went to woking
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:37, Reply)
hampshire AND surrey????
livin' the dream
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:58, Reply)
Oh, I'm quite the jet setter

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:59, Reply)
Only a few years before I joined the company
people used to be sent to the south of france, amsterdam, frankfurt, hong kong, atlanta...now it's all virtual :(
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:13, Reply)

j b
t d
s w
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:24, Reply)
Very good.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:24, Reply)
Banned from every Travel Lodge from Southsea to Guildford.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:27, Reply)
is that from an intro to a modern day western

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:32, Reply)
About a travelling salesman who drives a Hyundai Pony
he's 58, pushing retirement, a heavy smoker, gettin' too old for this shit. Comes to your office to sell you printer toner, ends up being the whisteblower for trading standards, or delivery a baby in the stationery cupboard, or taking down an over-zealous HR department single-handed.

It'd be like the Littlest Hobo, The Office and A Fistful of Dollars, all rolled in to one.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:36, Reply)
I must have played them all!

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:06, Reply)

pl spr
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:17, Reply)
I HAVE EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:28, Reply)
Work sets you free

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:37, Reply)
now THERE'S a slogan

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:40, Reply)
Running away from his responsibilities more like.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:57, Reply)
Arbroath Macht Frei

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:44, Reply)
I work in Arbroath sometimes.
Spooky.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 13:57, Reply)
<s>po</s> m

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 14:08, Reply)
Mostly Salford
It's a long journey and a bit of a dump.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:41, Reply)
Having lived there for a decade I can confirm this is true

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:22, Reply)
in my DJing days, a few...from Transylvania to New York, Ireland...erm, Southampton...
My day job: fuck all although I went to a monumentally wanky conference at Google's uk HQ. Fake grass and park benches inside. Bellends.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:42, Reply)
Transylvania?
I bet that....SUCKED! Hahaha because of draculas.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:43, Reply)
draculas suck blood off people

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:44, Reply)
so does the music industry

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:45, Reply)
Creme Brulee

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:46, Reply)
^black magic chile

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:53, Reply)
is that dark chocolate with chilli powder in?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:49, Reply)
pow!

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:46, Reply)
actually it sucked because it's a fucking medieval shithole

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:48, Reply)
^ chased by villagers with pitchforks

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:53, Reply)
they can't afford pitchforks

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:58, Reply)
6 minutes from my house.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:43, Reply)
oh all the best places
including Blackpool, Bury St Edmunds, Hinckley and even Oldham once.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:56, Reply)
I went to Oldham
but she slapped me before I had the chance!
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:58, Reply)
I had a similar experience when I went to Peckham

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:08, Reply)
shit got weird when I went to Turnham Green

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:09, Reply)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_Willy
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:10, Reply)
I used to go to a free festival there in the 80s
The White Goddess festival iirc

Keyword: LSD
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:13, Reply)
How can you tell which things you've done are real and which are part of your drug addled hallucinations?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:15, Reply)
it's difficult, no question

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:18, Reply)
Leaving your exausted wife and 2 week old baby to fend for themselves. Top parenting there grrry.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:58, Reply)
this kid's a dream, it's no work at all
your wife's exhausted from dealing with your shit all the time, not the brat's.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:00, Reply)
Has your wife swapped out the real baby for a doll because she doesn't trust you near it?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:12, Reply)
if she has, it's a very convincing fake
it produces some extremely impressive farts
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:15, Reply)
tiny toots

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:00, Reply)
Dubai, Qatar, Oman, Denmark, France, Holland, Scotland, Ireland.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:11, Reply)
Bahrain

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:12, Reply)
Alright battered

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:12, Reply)
everybody talk about, pop music

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:14, Reply)
you must be a gun-runner or a drug-dealer

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:40, Reply)
Why?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:50, Reply)
Oh I get it now. You were trying to be funny. Good one.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:51, Reply)
^bit of a wanker
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:00, Reply)
Because you don't go to any civilised countries

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:25, Reply)
Its not the 1980's anymore grrry.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:30, Reply)
It's barely even the 1780s in those gulf shitholes.
Oil and skyscrapers doesn't magically drag savages out of the middle ages.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:31, Reply)
The UAE really does appear to be a tacky cultural void.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:37, Reply)
Ultimate Archetype of Essex?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:50, Reply)
Underpant Anus Evacuation?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:53, Reply)
try telling that to French industry

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:35, Reply)
oxymoron

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:03, Reply)
he's more of a piggyimbecile if you ask me.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:05, Reply)
Nowhere really.
I did a lot of the south west for an old job, but nowhere exciting. Oh, and Northern Ireland.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:11, Reply)
wait
there's a northern Ireland??
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:12, Reply)
It's almost exactly the same, except they think they're not bog trotting paddies.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:13, Reply)
that's nothing
there's an easter ireland
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:31, Reply)
You shut your filthy mouth

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:39, Reply)
well hang on a minute, I think someone has forgotten about a bit of work they did in a beautiful city in the heart of Warwickshire

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:18, Reply)
That's true, I did go to Coventry, and some other places north of there once in a while.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:19, Reply)
The fucking moon.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:14, Reply)
Bullshit.
I'm sure there was someone on /ot that believed the moon landings were faked.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:15, Reply)
I saw a great 'faked moon landings' documentary once
Lot of stuff about in 'Room 237' too. All bollocks of course, but it's all good fun. Like all conspiracy theories.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:17, Reply)
Room 237? I've not heard of that

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:18, Reply)
Oh, it's brilliant
It's more about The Shining, but the moon landings are mentioned. I think it's on the Youtubes.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:27, Reply)
Are you going to link it nor not?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:27, Reply)
I tried, you ungrateful ginger swine

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:28, Reply)
Soz

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:31, Reply)
Ah bugger, it's been taken down

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:27, Reply)
AND there's a comic shop called that on albert road

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:28, Reply)
Cowley road in Oxford, which has become a bit cool and hipster, has just had a comic shop opened with a coffee shop in it.
To go with the record store/coffee shop, vintage clothing/coffee shop and coffee shop/cocktail bar.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:31, Reply)
you're going to be off your tits on caffiene

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:48, Reply)
Natch

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:03, Reply)
Cranley

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:17, Reply)
He was also very rude about my dog.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:18, Reply)
he struggled with civilised human interaction

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:20, Reply)
There are some serious dimbos on /ot

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:18, Reply)
hi!

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:18, Reply)
Hi Richard.
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:21, Reply)
+r Hi!

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:34, Reply)
shoving your tongue up the boss's arsehole doesn't count

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:16, Reply)
It's easier than working for a living.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:20, Reply)
Also most of the US including the full on retard bits in the middle.
And most of Europe including the full on retard bits in the east.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:19, Reply)
was the car in front driven by Burt Reynolds?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:21, Reply)
I did a driving tour of merca about twenty years ago.
Turns out driving a massive car at 55mph on straight roads with only Wendys and Christian country music for company is "dull as fuck".
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:24, Reply)
And fucking Canada.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:21, Reply)
Canada seems alright to me.
Most of my research comes from watching Due South though.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:27, Reply)
st albans, once

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:27, Reply)
That bloke from Blur is alright, but he's hardly a saint m8

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:28, Reply)
Yeah. Like that is even a thing.
You'll be saying you went to fucking Narnia next.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:29, Reply)
I stayed in a travelodge in Ashby de la Zouche once.
It's dissapointingly Birmingham for such an outlandish name.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:32, Reply)
yeah, but that's well close to Alton Towers

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:48, Reply)
He was my favourite 1980s pro wrestler.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:57, Reply)
She was my favourite Generation Game dolly bird.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:57, Reply)
the only time i ever chatted anyone up in a nightclub
it was a girl from ashby de la zouche. i was in leicester at the time so it made sense.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:18, Reply)
I bet she wanked you off by the recycling bins.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:33, Reply)
close
we were IN the recycling bins
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:38, Reply)
troof, ma8
it was exactly like this youtu.be/gRIReK4HXBE
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:46, Reply)
I enjoyed that

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:35, Reply)
the broken family band are ace

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:38, Reply)
I quite like the one song I know by them
although it is slightly marred by the cod American accent he sings in
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:49, Reply)
it's ok, they broke up anyway
probably because of complainers like you, you dick
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:10, Reply)
more bands should break up

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:16, Reply)
to hell and back

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:29, Reply)
^ bought a one-way ticket

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:33, Reply)
shouldn't have bothered, man
she looks like a pain in the arse
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 10:51, Reply)
"Sorry, this content isn't available right now"

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:00, Reply)
see?
nightmare
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:15, Reply)
Hitler

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:22, Reply)
Hitler-on-sea? or Hitler Regis?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:29, Reply)
Neither
Ponty Hytller, down Neath and Swansea way. Quite nice, not very Jewy
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:39, Reply)
Fucking Leatherhead.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:22, Reply)
oh... Cork too.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:23, Reply)
i went to cork on purpose once
i was hoping to bump into notable irish ex-b3tan theoban but alas, he was nowhere to be found. i miss him
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:39, Reply)
It was better than Leatherhead.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:45, Reply)
ah begorrah his craic was moighty

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 11:50, Reply)
at least he's still on twitter
shame the sbp archive is gone though
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:11, Reply)
^porn version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 12:13, Reply)
morning

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 7:17, Reply)
....but with an 'h' at the end!!!!

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 7:18, Reply)
....of his life from gaids, not even 69 yet

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 7:24, Reply)
:*(

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:23, Reply)
haha, that's well funny!

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 7:24, Reply)
It's a great joke!

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:22, Reply)
morning mcbeef with an h at the end

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 7:24, Reply)
fucking webex hold music does my fucking head in

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:04, Reply)
yeah what up G-money

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:22, Reply)
you can't get a dollar outta me

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:37, Reply)
jew bastard

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:40, Reply)
Hey, I paid good money for this nose

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:44, Reply)
yeah, that's what i'd heard about you

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:58, Reply)
alright you fucking cunt bastard spastic horse slasher cunt twat fucking shitcunt fuckhead faggot

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 7:36, Reply)
Fuck a horse, m8

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:22, Reply)
ningnogs

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:15, Reply)
ELLODEREMON

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:23, Reply)
sorry I don't speak ningnog

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:26, Reply)
alright rich
alright everyone
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:22, Reply)
YO.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:23, Reply)
how you living?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:24, Reply)
Large, fam -
LARGE.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:26, Reply)
Sweet
Great story, excellent top comment:

www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/crime/lord-lucan-killed-my-sister-says-portsmouth-gran-1-7203746
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:31, Reply)
lol

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:37, Reply)
think I know what I'm doing this weekend
www.theguardian.com/music/2016/feb/08/jimi-hendrix-museum-former-london-flat-open-wednesday
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:25, Reply)
The answer is of course 'your nan'.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:29, Reply)
Natch

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:32, Reply)
s+

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:37, Reply)
+i
WOOOOOOO
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:57, Reply)
^oldest ride in the park with the longest lines
/ac
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:59, Reply)
That's cool
You actually going?
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:32, Reply)
Shit yes.
For one thing, it's a museum I've not already taken the kid to. A rare thing in these crazy times.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:36, Reply)
Do kids like museums then?
I thought they'd be bored stiff.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:44, Reply)
Mine do too
Depends on the kid I suppose.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:49, Reply)
I think I'm pushing my luck with this Hendrix one though
I expect a shitty text from her mum about selfishly entertaining myself whilst on dad duty
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:53, Reply)
Bollocks
You're still doing something with her. Buy her a milkshake on the way back or summat.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:57, Reply)
Do pubs sell milkshakes?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:02, Reply)
German McDonald's sell beer, don't they?
Take her for a day trip to Essen.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:22, Reply)
will do m8

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:24, Reply)
Mine loves them
They're much better than they used to be, in terms of interactive stuff and so on. The Museum of London Docklands particularly is great for kids.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:52, Reply)
All the ones in Warsaw are war-related, unsurprisingly
There's a park with loads of cannons and tanks and helicopters parked in it, but the Uprising Museum ought to be renamed Our Commitment to Misery and Death For All Future Generations
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:53, Reply)
Sounds pretty darn lol m8

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:54, Reply)
Hahaha, I expect they're all 'pact' with visitors!!!!!!!

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:55, Reply)
*groan*

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:06, Reply)
something about coffee and paedophiles

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:13, Reply)
Hey there Mr. Beef

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:39, Reply)
Never better
u?
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:40, Reply)
Rocking and rolling mate. On the up and up.

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:42, Reply)
sorry I'm too busy to stop and chat right now

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:51, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:51, Reply)
stay strong hun
xx
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:23, Reply)
YESSSSSSSSSS

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:53, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/7892143
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:22, Reply)
well look at mister lah de dah over here
probably got a mobile phone AND a pager
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:54, Reply)
I had a pager, it was ridiculous
You to phone a number and tell an operator what your message was and they would type it and send it to the pager. Insane.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:59, Reply)
might even put on a headset so I can pace up and down the office and wave my hands around

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:22, Reply)
bluetooth earpiece and a flat white from Starbucks m8
that's how you know you've made it.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:27, Reply)
sorry, who are you?

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:58, Reply)
apology accepted

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:21, Reply)
'ning!
haha, like in 2006
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 8:59, Reply)
I miss 2006

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:01, Reply)
time makes fools of us all, windoid

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:01, Reply)
But listen to this number 1 selling single. Times were better.
youtu.be/vc2jDz6w-r4
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:03, Reply)
Not for me they weren't

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:04, Reply)
that song makes no sense whatsofuckingever

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:18, Reply)
I think this should explain things
b3ta.com/links/FUCK_YOU_RADIO_2
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:23, Reply)
christ, I remember interviews going on like that when I worked in radio
cunts who'd drained their accounts dry for a PR manager who knew the act was going nowhere, suddenly realising that a 10-minute chat with a student DJ in a greasy spoon in Portmouth would be the highlight of their career.
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:34, Reply)
great

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:28, Reply)
man, I lived with a mentalist, bought my first flat and tried to drive to mongolia in 2006
crazy dayz
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:07, Reply)
Teh n1ng!!!

(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 9:03, Reply)
Eveninh

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 22:15, Reply)
You never reply ssg, I'm beginning to think you are a bot
SHOE ON HEAD
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 22:19, Reply)
Shoe on head!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 22:32, Reply)
I regularly do

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 22:47, Reply)
my nipples are very sensitive
right now
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 22:25, Reply)
Cut them off and sew on buttons.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 22:31, Reply)
but what do i connect the buttons to?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 22:39, Reply)
If I know anything about buttons they a the fastener, take that away any its a shit badge

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 22:44, Reply)
Pocket watch chain to the left. Foreskin to the right.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 23:14, Reply)
here I am, stuck in the middle with your nan

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 23:48, Reply)

with of
(, Tue 9 Feb 2016, 0:25, Reply)
Me too
We're nip twinsies, do a badge for our profiles
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 22:48, Reply)
fuck you

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 19:56, Reply)
Now this is a sentiment I think we can all get behind.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:03, Reply)
I got behind your nan's senti fuck it my heart really isn't in it any more.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:04, Reply)
The reward to effort ratio is finally too high

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:08, Reply)
Much like with my nan!!!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:09, Reply)
Top work on links btw

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:14, Reply)
I can't believe they honestly think Jackie Chan is underrated

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:30, Reply)
They're all terrible trolls over there and poor Dr S gets sucked in every time :(

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:33, Reply)
bullies of the world

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:35, Reply)
unite and take over

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:37, Reply)
Those ride cymbals.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 21:06, Reply)
He's really cool, you probably haven't heard of him.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:37, Reply)
He's a shitcunt, not rated due to stinking of chinky, looking funny, and being from not round here
there
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 21:21, Reply)
he invented special fried rice
the guy's a wizard
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 21:28, Reply)
Almost everybody in that conversation now has me on ignore.
I've shot a hole in the bucket full of fish.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:38, Reply)
someone in that conversation who said the exact thing as I did has me on ignore
mental
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:42, Reply)
Fucking hell mate, take some citalopram or something.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:50, Reply)
Is that one of the ones that can take the edge off a heavy come down?
I used to have a tub of them somewhere.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:56, Reply)
I think you're thinking of 5-htp.
My coping strategy usually involved just going to the pub as the distraction was better than sitting around in a state of introspective ennui.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:58, Reply)
Nah. One of the pams that's not diazepam or temazepam. Or Pamela Anderpam.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 21:17, Reply)
Probably some benzo-derivative.
One of my mates used to dish out diffs and trammies after the pub shut, they were always alright for a laugh.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 21:20, Reply)
I'm still sniggering at Pamela Anderpam.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 21:43, Reply)
That's the depression talking

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 21:47, Reply)
You had your chance.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:05, Reply)
this is the sort of coming sense approach I can get behind

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:18, Reply)
I sense something coming in your nan's behind.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:41, Reply)
steady on, Phil Colins

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:53, Reply)
Since she had her hysterectomy, there's been no jacket required.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 21:03, Reply)
Just another day for you and me in paradise

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 21:26, Reply)
Balls

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:40, Reply)
your nan's balls

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:51, Reply)
You're nan are ball's
Fewer.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 20:52, Reply)
Hey, you, the Rock Steady Crew
Show what you do
Make a break
Make a move!

When was the last time you made a break or a move? Do you consider yourself a b-boy? A breaker? An electric boogalooist?

This question to number 1, please, Cilla.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:12, Reply)
I'm more electric googleloo

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:13, Reply)
I heard your nan was a bugle-goo-ist.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:14, Reply)
looks like it's just me and you brian, ask me anything

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:19, Reply)
wait gormo and geordiejay have arrived, the window of opportunity has closed

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:24, Reply)
at least that prick manolith has gone

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:37, Reply)
Skinks out gentlemen

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:46, Reply)
phwoar

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:47, Reply)
he's got that skinking feeling
www.ontarionature.org/protect/species/reptiles_and_amphibians/images/h_Crowley-five-lined-skink-2.jpg
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:53, Reply)
Some cunts stripped him up

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:56, Reply)

For somewhere in my mind there is a painting box
I have every color there, I think
Just lately when I look inside my painting box
I seem to pick the colors of skink
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:59, Reply)
logging in to acknowledge this isb reference

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 19:54, Reply)
oh thank god, it was getting awkwardly close to looking like I had made it up

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 21:30, Reply)
Insane Slown Blosse?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 21:33, Reply)
I was flailing about like a spastic to dnb at the weekend. Does that count?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:20, Reply)
dexy's nidnight bummers?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:37, Reply)
Yeah.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:53, Reply)
I prefer when Richard McBeef does these, tbh.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:23, Reply)
fuck off back to qftw then

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:46, Reply)
moribund

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:52, Reply)
At least b3ta has expanded your disgusting local linguistic dialect

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:55, Reply)
Has the fat chick splashed out her sprog yet?
Surely everybody has rallied round for the hilarious pram anecdotes.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:55, Reply)
She looks like alice the goon from Popeye, but uglier

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:57, Reply)
We're the only beautiful ones left, mongs.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:59, Reply)
Zoolander was based on our ability to be really really really, really good looking

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 19:08, Reply)
I was quite offended that they got such plain looking actors.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 19:35, Reply)
Pramecdotes as it were ahahahahaha.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:57, Reply)
dunno

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:45, Reply)
I pop when I lock and I lock when I pop
I'm an arthritic keyholder
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:46, Reply)
I have no idea what any of this means. It sounds like Cuntonese
You must be a native speaker
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:48, Reply)
It was an early eighties pop song, I think Malcolm mclarean had a hand in it, the rock steady crew we're break dancers from new York, rumor was crazy legs broke his neck, he never, hth

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:50, Reply)
After the uk success of breakdancing he tried to promote skipping, it was shit and rubbish

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:53, Reply)
It was pretty amusing when it went wrong.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:57, Reply)
Dunno, I'm quoting from memory over the whole thing, I could be wrong, have been before, no offence

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 19:01, Reply)
Double Dutch
When they tripped and got twatted by the ropes it was mildly amusing.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 19:13, Reply)
It's mongdarin, you racist.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:59, Reply)
hey guys, just thought you'd want to know
today is:
opera day
kite flying day
laugh and get rich day
molasses bar day
and clean out your computer day
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:46, Reply)
Laugh and get rich?
Also, what is a molasses bar?
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:48, Reply)
like a brownie but with molasses instead of chocolate
I think
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:52, Reply)
I thought brownies were like cubs, but with girls instead of boys

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:53, Reply)
woah

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:54, Reply)
I know

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:57, Reply)
do they still segregate them based on whether they are chocolate brownies or vanilla brownies?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:04, Reply)
I dunno but apparently they let girls into the cubs now, so they may as well disband the brownies

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:05, Reply)
i remember way, waaaaay back in the day
there was a /board post that suggested that molasses was made with... wait for it...

the arses of moles!
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:07, Reply)
yum!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:09, Reply)
classic!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:14, Reply)
AHAHAHAHA that Dave Teh Hat was SUCH a wag.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:22, Reply)
remember dave the facts?
good times, man
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:34, Reply)
that was the druke of prunes hilarious lunch thread opener, hahaha foood braw

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:43, Reply)
braw!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:48, Reply)
you can't even post moser on links without some mod removing it, i didn't even post the picture just the link, joyless wankers

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:54, Reply)
It's not like any of the regulars could see it anyway given that they all have you on ignore.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:14, Reply)
DO THEY?????????? :'(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( think i might get back on the brown tonight, i can't cope with this life

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:22, Reply)
broken b3ta

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:14, Reply)
wankers

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:16, Reply)
i can only assume they mean this
twitter.com/molassesbar
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:08, Reply)
k, not clicking that, might be hipster nonsense

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:13, Reply)
i don't mind a bit of shisha every now and then
it tastes nice. there's quite a good turkish restaurant on elm grove that has a little shisha den in the back. went there for my birthday some years ago and had a delicious lamb tagine
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:20, Reply)
^rnuk

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:22, Reply)
it was a bit, wasn't it?
i don't burst into flames if i step inside a wetherspoons though
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:27, Reply)
I don't know what things are :(

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:39, Reply)
i know
this one, and this one
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:10, Reply)
There's also
this
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:15, Reply)
I'll show you my thing for a couple of bags of Haribo

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:13, Reply)
Starmix?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:15, Reply)
yeah sure

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:16, Reply)
why, what has rich done now?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 17:43, Reply)
lol $$$

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:50, Reply)
Ah, of course

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:51, Reply)
€€€hahaha€€€

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:53, Reply)
careful
or you'll rupee yourself!
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:10, Reply)
surely he's got more cents than to do that

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:13, Reply)
to be franc, you mark my words, it's zloty wants to do
er krone
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:20, Reply)
DONG
haha, dong
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:45, Reply)
alright there's no need to be crude m8

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:50, Reply)
I'm just not on the ball today, am I!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:54, Reply)
k, reporting this to the mods

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:58, Reply)
and not the one you're m8tes with either, one of the more trigger happy ones off the other boards

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:59, Reply)
PJ looks after his mates
ask him
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:01, Reply)
i've b& him as many times as anyone else has

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:14, Reply)
Yeah, but when you do it, it's because you're flirting with me

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:16, Reply)
I'm 'flying my kite' as I type this

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:52, Reply)
good man

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:10, Reply)
i don't think they could ever get spanishfly's computer clean

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:54, Reply)
yeah, those evidence lockers are pretty dusty

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:11, Reply)
there was a molasses trend in fishing a few years back, i never took part, always saink with those bait makers

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:58, Reply)
just used to call it black treacle in my day

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:01, Reply)
it's political correctness gone mad, tweeb
/ac
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:11, Reply)
haha yeah

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:00, Reply)
I'll clean out the molasses from your nan's kite.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:01, Reply)
I'm gonna go Jackie Chan on your nan

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:10, Reply)
Your nan is SO underrated.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:21, Reply)
oh, would you?
that'd be a big help
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:12, Reply)
to help us celebrate opera day
www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4l5IyDC8tw
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:42, Reply)
disappointing that wasn't the marx brothers vlad tbh

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:45, Reply)
soz
www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtMV44yoXZ0
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:01, Reply)
that video cuts out before she does any singing
is that intentional?
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:48, Reply)
I couldn't find the long version...the whole sketch ends with them singing I should be so lucky

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:00, Reply)
to help us celebrate night at the opera day
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OykIufGhKTc&list=PL30A5BA3ADC7D55E7
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:55, Reply)
even greater disappointment

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 15:59, Reply)
:O

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:00, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OU8BUQxhb18
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:23, Reply)
only fucking weirdo's use opera.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 17:42, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZBOe3gHBEQ
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 17:41, Reply)

www.engadget.com/2015/03/30/the-mother-of-all-tech-demos-becomes-an-avant-garde-opera/
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 18:06, Reply)
hi teh interwebz
How's it going, you bent cunts?
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:56, Reply)
teh quo!!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:56, Reply)
lol joey deacon!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:13, Reply)
teh f3aR!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:52, Reply)
For threach a role.
For threveryman a religion.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:13, Reply)
looks like its raining outside, might put off going out for while and play cod

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:59, Reply)
what were you going out for anyway?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:00, Reply)
9 volt batteries and a pint

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:15, Reply)

volt batteries pints
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:35, Reply)
Well quite

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:37, Reply)
You're always talking about fish.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:00, Reply)
And I don't even eat fish, shit be cray

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:16, Reply)
+fish

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:17, Reply)
I eat the cray crayfish

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:18, Reply)
I fucking love a crayfish.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:28, Reply)
windy as fuck up here in Finchley
I saw a toddler blown over, highly amusing
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:01, Reply)
Haha, stupid toddler cunt

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:17, Reply)
bent AND a cunt?
this time you've gone too far, Richard
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:59, Reply)
I'm sorry man
I realise that now.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:01, Reply)
too late
I just wish you'd die already
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:13, Reply)
Splendid, Ricardo. Splendid.
The sun shone for a little while and I planted a nice snowberry in a gap by the dogwood.

This is probably a euphemism.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:00, Reply)
you fucking gaylord

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:02, Reply)
I haven't even started on the fuchsias.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:09, Reply)
fuchsialift

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:10, Reply)
Top shoppage*, Sir. A click and a woo to you me doth methink.
(rhymes with barge)
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:31, Reply)
^ does decoupage in his garage with Nigel Farage

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:14, Reply)
You know what the French for découpage is?
Le scrapbooking.

No wonder Napoleon lost. They're fucking idiots.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:15, Reply)
That's nothing, they named their national information retrieval system after some short bloke called Terry.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 16:18, Reply)
you are far and away the most bent thing on the entire internet

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:14, Reply)
I didn't do it on the internet. I did it in the garden.
I'm definitely not the most bent thing in the garden. The kids have fucking bamboo wind chimes.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:29, Reply)
I did your nan in the garden

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:51, Reply)
She does like a bit of muck chucked under her bush.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:54, Reply)
glasscock

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:00, Reply)
Fucklift m8

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:02, Reply)
anyone noticed how blowy it is out?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:03, Reply)
Not as blowy as your nan.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:09, Reply)
:(

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:09, Reply)
is this place now some sort of weird fetish forum?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:22, Reply)
Your nan is a fetish forum.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:30, Reply)
are you sure?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:01, Reply)
I ... well ... I've never actually met her. I'm sure she's a lovely woman.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:03, Reply)
nah, she's really bitter and hates most things
and a bit of a klepto
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:12, Reply)
She can shoplift from my corner shop IYKWIM

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:14, Reply)
your nan gave me a blowy last Christmas

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:09, Reply)
Wham's lesser-known singlezzzzzzzz

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:11, Reply)
and the very next day
her liver gave way
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:13, Reply)
I've got the fear.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:08, Reply)
I ate my lunch and now I have nothing to look forward to

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:10, Reply)
go for a walk around Coventry
That is sure to lift the spirits
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:11, Reply)
you're right it is a beautiful city

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:13, Reply)
Goering was a great designer

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:19, Reply)
they were going to pull it all down anyway
stupid medieval streets are too narrow for motor cars
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:24, Reply)
there's more to life than lunch
treat yourself to a kinder egg on the way home
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:21, Reply)
to be honest that would be more inconvenient than it is worth, but I appreciate what you are trying to do

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:25, Reply)
ok well i'm not happy about this
just give me your address and bank account details and i'll post you a kinder egg
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:41, Reply)
TAKES A BENDOR TO KNOW ONE, M8

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:11, Reply)
^not denying it

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:12, Reply)
^not supplying it

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:16, Reply)
lol face swap plz clik i like to make popula

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:24, Reply)
lol gud 1 m8

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:39, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:42, Reply)
they are usually dull as fuck but this one almost made me laugh
smashinglife.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/baby-faceswapped-with-owen.jpg
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:43, Reply)
that's a pretty good one

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:46, Reply)
which one is owen?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:08, Reply)
i don't have all the answers, sometimes you have to try and figure things out for yourself

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:11, Reply)
Just got an email saying I can have a new work computer!
GOOD TOIMES!
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:44, Reply)
shit off!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:48, Reply)
I know!
Don't know what the current standard is though. It's a bit like christmas!
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:49, Reply)
probably a dell
lol gutted
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:50, Reply)
Oh, it's definitely a Dell
but this one was pretty good when it was new.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:52, Reply)
at my old place they gave us Dell laptops
it felt like a fischer price my first laptop. Cheap shit plastic thing. I felt like Ralph Wiggum using it, "I'm learnding."
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:55, Reply)
The newer latitudes are alright build-wise.
Not as good as thinkpads, but they're alright.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:57, Reply)
^rolling in the deep

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:15, Reply)
ha

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:16, Reply)

Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:46, Reply)
Hello new person. Please read our <a href="http://www.b3ta.com/features/faq/">FAQ</a>. Cheers.
Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers. Hello new person. Please read our FAQ. Cheers.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 13:59, Reply)
done and done
and I mean done
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:01, Reply)

There is a lot of crossover, but generally Rob does the editorial stuff like newsletters, quizzes and flash things. Denise is the designer. She makes the site look pretty and looks after the messageboard. And Cal? He coded the foundations of the site you see today. robtoo and cr3 now work on the backend, new features, security and maintenence.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:01, Reply)

Why is there a talk board too?

The main board can move really fast at certain times of the day and it can be hard to just have a conversation with your friends. We set up the talk board so people have a place to talk about whatever they like and not worry about intolerant people shouting silly things like, "THREADWASTE" at them.

This doesn't mean that conversation is banned from the main board, but you might just find that the talk board moves at a slower pace and is a nicer place to chat.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:07, Reply)
FRED WAIST!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:13, Reply)
cr3 loves a bit of backend

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:26, Reply)
Presumably robtoo has been working on his cellmate's backend for the last few years

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 14:39, Reply)
That thread ran out of steam
what else is well past its use-by date?
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:13, Reply)
me

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:15, Reply)
you shouldn't put yourself down like that
let us do it, it's more fun that way
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:30, Reply)
oh ok, sorry

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:30, Reply)
I'm such an idiot :( I'm sorry

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:31, Reply)
we don't forgive you

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:03, Reply)
good, I don't deserve it

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:12, Reply)
the gherkins in my fridge

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:23, Reply)
Silly mano
Gherkins are immortal
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:25, Reply)

t
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:40, Reply)

immoral haram
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 11:45, Reply)
*turns a whiter shade of pale*

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:11, Reply)
gherkins make excellent fake alien penises
if you wish to film a sci-fi gay sex movie
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:28, Reply)
I was hoping it was going to be a lesbian sci-fi sex film

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:29, Reply)
lesbaliens?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:30, Reply)
but how do you capture the vinegary scent on film?
wait, scratch and sniff cards!
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:41, Reply)
farting through a sweaty sock

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:46, Reply)
the internet has pretty much had its day

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:28, Reply)
although that might be a best before, rather than a use by

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:28, Reply)
the internet or teh interwebz?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:32, Reply)
sounds a bit glasscock m8

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:32, Reply)
those wankers are such hypocrites

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:34, Reply)
i found some marmite in the back of the cupboard that was best before july 2015
tastes fine
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:29, Reply)
doesn't it improve with age?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:30, Reply)
i'll go buy a fresh pot and let you know

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:32, Reply)
it deffo increases in value
get one if those massive pots and stick it in a safe
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:43, Reply)
marmite makes an excellent colouring for white people
if you wish to film a black orientated movie of some kind but don't want black actors
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:31, Reply)
these are all very useful filmmaking techniques
are you one of them 'auteurs'?
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:44, Reply)
I'm kinda big deal in the world of films and bird law

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:46, Reply)
i wouldn't want to go toe-to-toe with you on either
that's for sure
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:57, Reply)
actually yeah, i had half a can of romanian lager that was 18 months past its date on friday
it was also fine. maybe all use by dates are bullshit
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:42, Reply)
i dunno, i bought a bucket of crab meat once that said use within 3 days of opening
by 3.5 days it was a festering mess of fish stink that i eventually had to move house to get away from despite bleaching my fridge
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:49, Reply)
Someone left prawns in the work fridge then threw them in the office bin.
It was bogging.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:56, Reply)
should have got crabsticks instead
they don't even have any crab in them
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:57, Reply)
A work colleague recently bought a seafood baguette with "crayfish" and "prawns", etc
it was clearly cut up crab sticks, with some 1000 island stirred through. Didn't have the heart to tell him. Told him anyway.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:59, Reply)
"You do realise what you're eating makes you look like a cunt?"

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 11:06, Reply)
+ & smell

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:02, Reply)
This is the same guy who says he doesn't like horror movies
because he prefers something with a plot.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:13, Reply)
Crabsticks are pikey food.

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 11:10, Reply)
i dunno, i went shopping in lidl once and i'd say that tinned hot dogs are up there on the pikey food chart

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 11:26, Reply)
Tinned burgers though.
jamesvsburger.com/2012/09/26/hamburgers-in-a-can-quite-possibly-the-worst-burgers-in-the-world/
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 11:28, Reply)
kinda tempted to try them now
also, i'd like to try that whole chicken in a can
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 11:33, Reply)
I wouldn't.
I can attest that Mr Brains Pork Faggots are good though. They were a staple growing up.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 11:45, Reply)

i.imgur.com/sBgT9N2.gif?noredirect
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:05, Reply)
that's the gif that made it look so appealing

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:12, Reply)
I would eat literally anything that came out of Shakira's arse

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:13, Reply)
no????!!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 11:26, Reply)
This changes everything
What am I going to feed my family now?? What if they find out?
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:10, Reply)
shut it down.
shut it ALL down.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:56, Reply)
this government, RIGHT GUYS?!!!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:32, Reply)
damn

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:32, Reply)
just as I was about to brexit myself

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:33, Reply)
incorrect, the Fixed Term Parliaments Act 2011 means that this government will not be past its use-by date until May 2020

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:35, Reply)
we will all be in our cold graves by then m8

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:36, Reply)
ohhhhhhhh
SATIRE
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:45, Reply)
I don't get it

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:52, Reply)
YOUR NAN'S FOETID CLOPPER
right?
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:54, Reply)
grow up, yeah?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:56, Reply)
yeah right

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:56, Reply)
I gave your nan one up her nannery

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:57, Reply)
that's me done for today on nan related posts

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:59, Reply)
Really?
I feel like I've got 3 or 4 left in me.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:59, Reply)
that's what your nan said

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 11:06, Reply)
My nan's been dead for 14 years
just when I thought her clopper couldn't get any drier...
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 11:00, Reply)
THE NORTHERN POWERHOUSE
/topical
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:24, Reply)
fucking hell someone else start a thread already

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:40, Reply)
no you do it
you're so good at it
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 12:50, Reply)
morning
normal service has been resumed
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 7:06, Reply)
up yours, dickface

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 7:37, Reply)
no, up yours, coated in crushed glass and tobasco sauce, cockbreath

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 7:39, Reply)
nice

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 7:43, Reply)
Bit early in the morning for a 'Bloody Mary'

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:03, Reply)
never too early

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:26, Reply)
hi kids

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 7:53, Reply)
oh god stop talking about kids for one fucking minute will you

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 7:55, Reply)
this place is dead on its arse

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:08, Reply)
We only need two people to turn this into a Talk Show
although it's probably more Graham Norton than Parkie tbh
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:09, Reply)
Who was it that Grace Jones slapped?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:13, Reply)
Charles Darwin

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:18, Reply)
good show

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:19, Reply)
Hey Richie Rich

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:22, Reply)
yo man

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:29, Reply)
IT'S TIME FOR HOUSE

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:23, Reply)
MCBEEFHOUSE!
WHOLE LOT OF BEEF
PRIZES TO BE QUEEFED
HE'S A DIRTY HOMO WHO'LL GIVE ANYONE A BLOW
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:28, Reply)
It's true!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:29, Reply)
standard

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:29, Reply)
Alright?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:35, Reply)
superb ta
Although I am suffering slightly as a result of the weekend's jollity
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:37, Reply)
Ah, well weekends can be thirsty work

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:41, Reply)
OOH LA LA

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:54, Reply)
RICH
ARD
MAC
BEEF
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:41, Reply)
hi manimal

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:50, Reply)

me irl
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:54, Reply)
fucking furry

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:42, Reply)
The News has just alerted me
to the existence of the Devil's Beef Tub.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:55, Reply)
WOAH

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:14, Reply)
no it hasn't

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:13, Reply)
well you're still whining like a fucked bearing, so it's normal from where I'm sitting

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:18, Reply)
no whining here

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:34, Reply)
Morning Godby
bloody windy down here. I think the Isle of Wight might have blown away during the night.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:16, Reply)
Nobody will miss it
With its weird old tube trains and ghoulish seance. It can fuck off.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:18, Reply)
Oh, it's not a great place, granted
And everyone who says "Oh I LOVE the Isle of Wight!" hasn't been there in 20 years. However, I have family there that I would dearly miss if they were blow into the atlantic.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:22, Reply)
i like having it there, y'know
and ryde beach is definitely better than southsea beach
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:27, Reply)
Oh, definitely
Even when I was a kid I'd go through the agony of walking across all the stones thinking "How is this fun??"
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:31, Reply)
indeed
youtu.be/WhfntLl6xx0
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:50, Reply)
Excellent

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 10:13, Reply)
It should blow itself right up Southhampton's funnel and cork that shitspout right up
they fucking deserve each other.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:19, Reply)
Well this is SEXY

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:22, Reply)
only because you want to shove the Needles up your own arsehole like a puppet master's chalky finger

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:27, Reply)
hahahah

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:30, Reply)

Southampton my nan
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:22, Reply)
I tried to Ryde your nan's funnel
but it smelt like Cowes
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:55, Reply)
I Wooton if I were you

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:59, Reply)
careful, he'll call you a spilled blancmange or sutin

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:39, Reply)
because I'm pink and wobbly :(
i get it
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:40, Reply)
hey.
his words, not mine

good weekend?
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:45, Reply)
Yeah, so so
You?
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:58, Reply)
much the same
had a very disappointing italian meal in gunwharf yesterday
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:21, Reply)
Why the fuck are you eating in Gunwharf?
You've got Palmerston, Osbourne, Elm Grove, Albert Road...and you're eating in bloody Gunwharf.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:23, Reply)
the folks wanted to go to this restaurant
they were paying, who was i to refuse
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:27, Reply)
harumph
I guess
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:30, Reply)
christ, you don't even know the difference between a blancmange and a trifle
is that why you still act like a child, to make up for your lost youth?
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:58, Reply)

seems like it was only yesterday
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:00, Reply)
yeah, i guess i'm not as into colourful desserts as you obviously are
what a child
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:26, Reply)
Woah, why have you got to being colour into this?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:26, Reply)
because if you can't be colour, what can you be?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:28, Reply)
typical semolina lover

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:42, Reply)
*obvious strikethrough*

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:51, Reply)
has she left you and taken the kid then?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:40, Reply)
yeah, she's shacked up in the nursery and bolted the door
I have to make my own sandwiches now. What a fucking joke.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:41, Reply)
the bread goes on the outside
hth
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:46, Reply)
what about if I want a bread sandwich?

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:51, Reply)
then you deserve failure

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:55, Reply)
you arguing with Beeton, she'll knock you the fuck out m8
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toast_sandwich
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:57, Reply)
that's a fuckin' toast sandwich m8e
not what you said, is it?
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:14, Reply)
you fucking nit-picker, jesus manolith take a chill pill, you sound well stressed

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:16, Reply)
i'm a bundle of raw nerves and no mistake

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:29, Reply)
if you are always trying to be NORMAL, you will never know how AMAZING you can be

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:49, Reply)
shove your instagram philosophy so far up your arse that your pancreas can click "Like" on it, you twat

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 8:53, Reply)
u ok hun? xx

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:06, Reply)
hunky dory m8

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:09, Reply)
oh! you pretty thing

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:14, Reply)
;-x

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:23, Reply)

minionmeme.com/memes/56b858fe8581f.png
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:00, Reply)
haha those minions are so crazy and funny just like me and my friends!!!

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:06, Reply)
I used to work for a large greeting cards retailer
And the Bubblegum range was a constant cringe-making nightmare. Women coming in and screaming "NUTTY TART!! THAT'S WELL ME, THAT IS!"

I killed myself later that day
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:12, Reply)
When my stepsister had twins she had me trace some of those awful images in photoshop
and then redo them to look like her and her husband because "it's just so like me".

Don't think so love, your arse is much bigger than your head.
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:15, Reply)
ugh

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:16, Reply)
God, commoners are awful aren't they

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:15, Reply)
They REALLY are

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:17, Reply)

i.imgur.com/W94j2lT.jpg
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:26, Reply)

i.imgur.com/ivsgSjp.jpg
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:09, Reply)

i.imgur.com/HzZ4nWl.jpg
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:14, Reply)
donny mcspunktache

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:16, Reply)
With a name like that, it's no wonder he's never won an oscar

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:18, Reply)

i.imgflip.com/yt81h.jpg
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:21, Reply)

i.imgur.com/oELixCH.jpg
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:30, Reply)
^escalation

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:32, Reply)
genuine lol

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:39, Reply)

i.imgur.com/vHrDgrz.png
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:31, Reply)

i.imgur.com/34M3jnc.jpg
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:34, Reply)
hahaha
it's a LOL from me
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:34, Reply)
you've gone too far now

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:44, Reply)
sorry everyone, I keep forgetting that this is a family site

(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:47, Reply)

i.imgflip.com/yt8mf.jpg
(, Mon 8 Feb 2016, 9:41, Reply)

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