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This is a question Top Tips

Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."

(, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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New iPhone being released?
Why not pretend that your old iPhone has suddenly fallen down the toilet and make an insurance claim?

Your insurers will never suspect!!
(, Wed 9 Sep 2015, 22:56, Reply)
Allow your friends to follow your online activities more easily by using your b3ta username for your tumblr, reddit and BDSM Community profiles.

(, Wed 9 Sep 2015, 21:26, Reply)
Instead of a leap year
why don't they just add 6 extra hours to the first of January so everyone can have a lie in?
(, Thu 3 Sep 2015, 22:33, 2 replies, latest was 5 weeks ago)
Vambo for mod

(, Sat 22 Aug 2015, 16:32, Reply)
(, Thu 20 Aug 2015, 22:33, Reply)
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

(, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:39, 1 reply, 7 weeks ago)
QOTW dead for yet another week?
Simply cry bitter tears of rage and frustration before cracking open another can of Special Brew and having an angry wank
(, Fri 14 Aug 2015, 7:10, 3 replies, latest was 8 weeks ago)
keep my bellend clean by licking your mums foetid shit off it

(, Fri 7 Aug 2015, 16:11, Reply)
Buying heroin?
Get a bit extra for later, as it can be quite moreish.
(, Mon 3 Aug 2015, 13:48, Reply)
Square brackets are used around words that are added that are not part of the original quote.
For instance, you might have a source that says "Brenda and David went to the store," but you only want the quote to refer to David as a pronoun in your quote. So you should change it to "[he'
(, Sat 1 Aug 2015, 14:31, Reply)
When steaming chicken
A good spoonful of dried chilli flakes in the water makes no difference to the flavour of the meat at all. However, letting the pan boil dry creates an acrid miasma which doubles as an excellent tear gas substitute.
(, Fri 31 Jul 2015, 19:46, Reply)
get bent

(, Thu 30 Jul 2015, 9:39, 1 reply, 8 weeks ago)
Forget your Facebook password,
Then you can get some proper work done.
(, Tue 7 Jul 2015, 0:43, Reply)
Stop HIV
By keeping it in there, where it belongs
(, Tue 7 Jul 2015, 0:41, 1 reply, 3 months ago)
prevent ECT burns
By licking the electrodes before you bite the leather.
(, Tue 7 Jul 2015, 0:36, Reply)

Buy 2 more cans than your missus thinks you have, then hide them in your guttering. Then decide to go out to smoke.
(, Tue 7 Jul 2015, 0:34, Reply)
Feeling upset about something posted on this site?
Merely contact your local GP and they will put in touch with a mental health professional who will help you move on with your life.
(, Sun 5 Jul 2015, 11:33, Reply)
Mefeehmox broppawquance jebanebbers
Octwang thopapspeeg kopkopkia, neng shwapsappadoing viv. Rotwaa, negopoh jaspido herngmantobal dirbno - neggle ooo fraa padaagrawazhd!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 21:59, 5 replies, latest was 4 weeks ago)
If you are due in court, and think you may get a custodial.
Set fire to the judge, it'll be well lol.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 14:32, Reply)
If you are due in court, and think you may get a custodial.
Set fire to a building/factory and get caught for it. They cant put you in a shared cell because of that, in case you set them alight.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 14:20, Reply)
There's plenty of light about during the day if you could be arsed to get up earlier, you lazy fucks.
(, Fri 26 Jun 2015, 2:41, Reply)
Runners in large towns and cities. Why not run through a heavily pedestrianised area and annoy people?
You could just do a few laps of a local park you fucking spastics.
(, Thu 25 Jun 2015, 21:43, 2 replies, latest was 3 months ago)
South Park Avatar Randomizer
South Park Avatar Randomizer
(, Wed 24 Jun 2015, 7:13, Reply)
if you enjoy looking at pixelated things
superglue somebody else contact lenses to your eyeballs
and then smash them with a small ballpoint hammer.
(, Sat 20 Jun 2015, 12:10, 2 replies, latest was 4 months ago)
Copying loads of Top Tips from elsewhere
makes you look like Justin Lee Collins
(, Tue 16 Jun 2015, 1:19, 2 replies, latest was 4 months ago)
A carrot makes an excellent pointing device.
If you need a longer pointer simply sellotape the carrot to the end of a pool cue.
(, Thu 11 Jun 2015, 9:33, 3 replies, latest was 4 months ago)
You can hurt the feelings of a partner or other in an amusing way quite easily, but taking two negative traits and putting a "Mc" between them, to create a pretend name. eg:
Lazy McThick;
Nasty McStupid;
Ugly McBoring.
(, Wed 10 Jun 2015, 13:30, 4 replies, latest was 3 months ago)
In case of unequal loading of opposite buckets/tube racks or tube-holes, the operation will be interrupted during the acceleration phase. The rotor will be decelerated to standstill.
Additionally the error message "ERROR" appears on the preset display "speed".
If the actual display "speed" shows error no. 1, the difference in weight of the samples is too big. Fill the tubes and load the rotor as described under point 3.
If the actual display "speed" shows error no. 2, there can be several reasons for:
- The imbalance switch is not adjusted correctly.
- The imbalance switch is defective
(, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 17:37, 2 replies, latest was 3 months ago)
buy a card cloning scanner,
for maybe a tenner on the Ebay. And clone your own cards. Then, should you lose your proper one, you have a copy of it. Trust me, its better to spend that tenner than wait for 3...? working days (a fortnight) for your old one.
(, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:49, Reply)
Upset someone?
Surprising though it may seem, they may not even realise they are upset. Helpfully point out to them that they are upset. They may not thank you immediately, but they'll be grateful in the long run.
(, Mon 8 Jun 2015, 12:41, 3 replies, latest was 4 months ago)

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