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Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."

(, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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Prevent sneezing
By paying a professional executioner to follow you round with an axe and instructions to sever your head if you sneeze.
(, Tue 1 Dec 2015, 16:39, Reply)
kill yourself
you'll have everything you ever wanted
(, Wed 25 Nov 2015, 13:36, 1 reply, 3 days ago)
Whale fat
makes an excellent renewable biological alternative to dirty and expensive oil-based fuels
(, Mon 2 Nov 2015, 20:45, 2 replies, latest was 3 weeks ago)
Saying Jesus Christ
five times whilst looking into a mirror will make someone rush into the bathroom thinking you've cut yourself shaving quite badly.
(, Wed 28 Oct 2015, 17:36, Reply)
Joining a swingers website
is an ideal way to see photos of home decor 2 decades out of date. Also some grim genitals.
(, Wed 28 Oct 2015, 17:32, Reply)
Two chocolate digestives with jam and marshmallow squashed in-between make an excellent 'artisan' Wagon Wheel.

(, Mon 12 Oct 2015, 16:44, 2 replies, latest was 6 weeks ago)
Dip the tip of your penis into a jar of mayonnaise

(, Mon 12 Oct 2015, 16:42, 1 reply, 7 weeks ago)
New iPhone being released?
Why not pretend that your old iPhone has suddenly fallen down the toilet and make an insurance claim?

Your insurers will never suspect!!
(, Wed 9 Sep 2015, 22:56, Reply)
Allow your friends to follow your online activities more easily by using your b3ta username for your tumblr, reddit and BDSM Community profiles.

(, Wed 9 Sep 2015, 21:26, Reply)
Instead of a leap year
why don't they just add 6 extra hours to the first of January so everyone can have a lie in?
(, Thu 3 Sep 2015, 22:33, 2 replies, latest was 3 months ago)
Vambo for mod

(, Sat 22 Aug 2015, 16:32, Reply)
(, Thu 20 Aug 2015, 22:33, Reply)
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

(, Mon 17 Aug 2015, 16:39, 1 reply, 3 months ago)
QOTW dead for yet another week?
Simply cry bitter tears of rage and frustration before cracking open another can of Special Brew and having an angry wank
(, Fri 14 Aug 2015, 7:10, 3 replies, latest was 3 months ago)
keep my bellend clean by licking your mums foetid shit off it

(, Fri 7 Aug 2015, 16:11, Reply)
Buying heroin?
Get a bit extra for later, as it can be quite moreish.
(, Mon 3 Aug 2015, 13:48, Reply)
Square brackets are used around words that are added that are not part of the original quote.
For instance, you might have a source that says "Brenda and David went to the store," but you only want the quote to refer to David as a pronoun in your quote. So you should change it to "[he'
(, Sat 1 Aug 2015, 14:31, Reply)
When steaming chicken
A good spoonful of dried chilli flakes in the water makes no difference to the flavour of the meat at all. However, letting the pan boil dry creates an acrid miasma which doubles as an excellent tear gas substitute.
(, Fri 31 Jul 2015, 19:46, Reply)
get bent

(, Thu 30 Jul 2015, 9:39, 1 reply, 4 months ago)
Forget your Facebook password,
Then you can get some proper work done.
(, Tue 7 Jul 2015, 0:43, Reply)
Stop HIV
By keeping it in there, where it belongs
(, Tue 7 Jul 2015, 0:41, 1 reply, 5 months ago)
prevent ECT burns
By licking the electrodes before you bite the leather.
(, Tue 7 Jul 2015, 0:36, Reply)

Buy 2 more cans than your missus thinks you have, then hide them in your guttering. Then decide to go out to smoke.
(, Tue 7 Jul 2015, 0:34, Reply)
Feeling upset about something posted on this site?
Merely contact your local GP and they will put in touch with a mental health professional who will help you move on with your life.
(, Sun 5 Jul 2015, 11:33, Reply)
Mefeehmox broppawquance jebanebbers
Octwang thopapspeeg kopkopkia, neng shwapsappadoing viv. Rotwaa, negopoh jaspido herngmantobal dirbno - neggle ooo fraa padaagrawazhd!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 21:59, 5 replies, latest was 3 months ago)
If you are due in court, and think you may get a custodial.
Set fire to the judge, it'll be well lol.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 14:32, Reply)
If you are due in court, and think you may get a custodial.
Set fire to a building/factory and get caught for it. They cant put you in a shared cell because of that, in case you set them alight.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 14:20, Reply)
There's plenty of light about during the day if you could be arsed to get up earlier, you lazy fucks.
(, Fri 26 Jun 2015, 2:41, Reply)
Runners in large towns and cities. Why not run through a heavily pedestrianised area and annoy people?
You could just do a few laps of a local park you fucking spastics.
(, Thu 25 Jun 2015, 21:43, 2 replies, latest was 5 months ago)
South Park Avatar Randomizer
South Park Avatar Randomizer
(, Wed 24 Jun 2015, 7:13, Reply)

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