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This is a question Top Tips

Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."

(, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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(, Fri 19 Sep 2014, 11:11, Reply)
people talking
block doorways, ATMs, and exits while you engage in conversation.
Feel offended when some wants to move past or use the area which you are blocking.
(, Mon 15 Sep 2014, 12:34, Reply)
Replace irregular newsletters
By simply reading everything posted on the site
(, Sat 13 Sep 2014, 7:26, Reply)
Don't bother to post Top Tips because there will never be another newsletter for them to appear in

(, Fri 12 Sep 2014, 19:35, Reply)
Annoy sanctimonious types by living in a glass house and throwing stones.

(, Thu 11 Sep 2014, 12:27, Reply)
2 Can Chunder is an ideal Savile look-a-like now Sir Jimmy is dead, he even has the same interests!

(, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 18:35, Reply)
MEATSNAKE's penis makes an ideal penis for mice.

(, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 18:25, Reply)
smaller objects that bear minimal resemblance to larger objects make ideal smaller versions of these larger objects suitable for use by mice
Ha ha yeah
(, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 8:11, Reply)
Mini babybel cheeses, opened, with a lego minifigure arm pushed in the top,
make ideal 'stones' for a game of curling for mice.

Just make sure they dont eat the 'stones' though...
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 9:35, 3 replies, latest was 2 weeks ago)
Scotland: Just fuck off already
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 1:45, Reply)
Peppa Pig
Makes an ideal 'freddie kruger' for muslims or jews.
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 0:56, Reply)
food banks,
are like supermarkets, but theyre FREE...
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 0:50, Reply)
Looking for the abbreviation of a certain word?
Type it into Google followed by "abbrev".
(, Sat 6 Sep 2014, 23:28, 1 reply, 2 weeks ago)
Look more professional by writing the word 'Sky' all over yourself hundreds of times using Tipp-Ex
(, Fri 5 Sep 2014, 19:24, Reply)
Want to launder some money you made from your books websites and adverts?
Kickstarter, Justgiving and Gofundme are perfect for your nefarious cash cleansing schemes, just sock puppet it, no one will ever notice.
(, Fri 5 Sep 2014, 11:02, Reply)
Disposable contact lenses make an ideal Center Parcs for amoebas.

(, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 19:46, 1 reply, 2 weeks ago)
Are you a commuter? Got a scooter?
Then fucking stop using it you're an adult and you look like a twat.
(, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 15:18, 2 replies, latest was 2 weeks ago)
Walking on the pavement?
Speed the fuck up, dickhead.
(, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 0:19, 2 replies, latest was 2 weeks ago)
Pretend that every other account on here is just one very busy guy.
That's what I do.
(, Tue 2 Sep 2014, 0:17, 1 reply, 2 weeks ago)
linda mcartney sausages
make ideal dildoes for vegan women, I should imagine....
(, Sun 31 Aug 2014, 16:55, 2 replies, latest was 3 weeks ago)
Today, I've been told by an ex-military driver
that the trick they use to be able to stay awake all night on dark featureless roads, is to stimulate themselves with one hand and stay on the cusp of an orgasm for as long as possible. This may be common knowledge to everyone here, but its the first time I've heard this.

Just be careful if you're a coach driver.
(, Sun 24 Aug 2014, 20:36, 2 replies, latest was 3 weeks ago)
Make a new start: build a bridge to your heart.

(, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 21:55, Reply)
Do not fritter away your free time in idle chatter or gossip. Spend the time instead on reading newspapers and journals, or on delving into encyclopedias, such that you may join your husband in conversation when he returns from the office. However, beware! Too much knowledge may cause your brain to become congested, hence take regular breaks and do not try to absorb too much in one go.
(, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 13:08, Reply)
Are you a struggling novelist? Looking for some exposure?
Post an entire chapter onto QOTW. Hey presto! You're an author now! Albeit a shit one...
(, Thu 21 Aug 2014, 7:46, 1 reply, 4 weeks ago)
Fingers red and brown from fingering dogs?
Simply apply some WD-40 to the tip of the finger and stand back in amazement as your finger effortlessly glides in and out.
(, Wed 20 Aug 2014, 17:12, Reply)
The B3TA newsletter editors: Why not just start recyling old newsletters, it's not like anyone reads that shit anyway

(, Mon 18 Aug 2014, 18:52, Reply)
Flatulent doctors: If you need to fart, wait until your patient leaves the room and then fart. Then when the next patient comes in and complains about the smell you can blame it on the previous patient.

(, Mon 11 Aug 2014, 17:48, 2 replies, latest was 3 weeks ago)
Going on holiday?
Don't forget to set your house alarm to go off at 4am every day you are away.
(, Mon 11 Aug 2014, 9:31, Reply)
Chicken wishbones make ideal divining rods for mice

(, Fri 8 Aug 2014, 14:06, Reply)
Don't bother.

(, Wed 6 Aug 2014, 20:19, Reply)

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