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Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."

(, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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Ads on b3ta can be suppressed, if you've donated money towards the running of the site.

(, Wed 21 Jan 2015, 9:38, 1 reply, 4 days ago)
Also, b3ta loads about five times faster if you hide the clickbait uvt ads, not much incentive for people to keep them visible

(, Mon 19 Jan 2015, 22:42, 3 replies, latest was 1 week ago)
When writing adverts for your 'other' site you'll probably get more consistent clickthroughs if they don't regularly open an empty window entitled "about:blank" and then hang for the next 30-60 seconds before timing out.

(, Sun 18 Jan 2015, 17:13, Reply)
Probably better off not drawing a cartoon of Mohammed

(, Fri 16 Jan 2015, 16:14, 2 replies, latest was 1 week ago)
Central crushing chest pain radiating into your arm and neck and associated with sweating and breathlessness?
Take 2 paracetamol and drink plenty of fluids, there's a lot of it about at this time of year.
(, Fri 16 Jan 2015, 10:32, 3 replies, latest was 1 week ago)
Getting fit for the new year? Taken up a new sport?
3 week old sprouts make excellent squash balls.
(, Wed 14 Jan 2015, 9:15, Reply)
Don't click the UsVsTh3m ad in the top right, it's invariably not worth your time.

(, Sat 10 Jan 2015, 23:07, Reply)
Christmas is over
you can fucking shut up about sprouts now.
(, Fri 9 Jan 2015, 15:45, Reply)
Ensure people know you support a political cause by updating your Facebook status.

(, Thu 8 Jan 2015, 10:08, Reply)
if you cant afford a decent t.v. just watch your shit one through binoculars
it makes everything look like imax
(, Mon 5 Jan 2015, 16:53, Reply)
Before masturbating, sit on your hand AND your knob, so it feels like you're watching someone wank someone else off.
(, Mon 5 Jan 2015, 9:28, Reply)
No spray, no lay
No splash, no gash
No Armani, no punani

freshen up, up, up
(, Sun 4 Jan 2015, 14:55, Reply)
surprise London Transport staff...
by cutting the chip out of your oyster card and fitting it in a wizard's wand. They get on the tube dressed as any fictitious wizard of your choice
(, Sun 4 Jan 2015, 12:44, 1 reply, 2 weeks ago)
Save money on expensive Top Tips
by reusing ones from a previous newsletter
(, Sun 4 Jan 2015, 10:16, Reply)
Save money on expensive 'oysters' by eating a used condom from an egg shell.

(, Sun 4 Jan 2015, 0:32, Reply)
Save money on expensive 'oyster mushrooms' by stir-frying discarded posties' rubber bands instead.

(, Fri 2 Jan 2015, 21:39, Reply)
See yesterday's weather
Can't remember when it rained yesterday? You can check on the BBC weather site. Type in "?day=-1" at the end of the URL.

It should look like this:
(, Tue 30 Dec 2014, 0:08, Reply)
stay about from my bin lorry

(, Tue 23 Dec 2014, 22:11, Reply)
Convince your children you hate
them by making them eat sprouts.

Or fucking cabbages*

*not 'fucking' cabbages. Not in front of the kids, anyway. And I'm talking about food, not people in wheelchairs.

Fuck off.
(, Mon 22 Dec 2014, 13:36, 2 replies, latest was 5 weeks ago)
You know I love you so baby please don't go.

(, Mon 22 Dec 2014, 10:59, Reply)
Convince tables they've shrunk
by putting babies on cabbages or something
(, Sun 21 Dec 2014, 17:31, Reply)
Convince cabbages that they've shrunk...
...By putting them on a metre wide plate in front of a fat man dressed as a baby.
(, Sun 21 Dec 2014, 8:33, Reply)
convince children that they've shrunk
by serving them dinner on a metre wide plate with cabbages in place of sprouts
(, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 16:41, 1 reply, 5 weeks ago)
convince children that you're magic
by telling them that sprouts are actually cabbages that you've shrunk
(, Fri 19 Dec 2014, 18:48, Reply)
Baby please don't go down to New Orleans.

(, Thu 18 Dec 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Baby please don't go.

(, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 14:04, Reply)
Don't go.

(, Wed 17 Dec 2014, 11:24, Reply)
Don't go chasing waterfalls.

(, Tue 16 Dec 2014, 12:52, Reply)
Just get your cock out
you will be surprised at what happens.
(, Tue 16 Dec 2014, 9:59, Reply)
Raise the roof, because it's all on fire.

(, Fri 12 Dec 2014, 15:07, Reply)

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