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Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."

(, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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Get the Local Bike experience
by having a go on YM
(, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 14:25, Reply)
Get the "Local Radio" experience
By listening to "Locked Out Of Heaven" by Bruno Mars on a loop.
(, Fri 11 Apr 2014, 15:56, Reply)
Make Chickens
by getting Ed Sheran to shag a duck.
(, Fri 11 Apr 2014, 13:06, Reply)
Make mermaids
By getting a fish to shag your girlfriend.
(, Fri 11 Apr 2014, 13:05, Reply)
Stuck for idea for a fancy dress party?
Wear jeans and a hoodie, and carry a flat screen TV. Hey presto, you're a scouser.
(, Fri 11 Apr 2014, 13:05, Reply)
Make lions by getting your cat to mate with a pony.

(, Thu 10 Apr 2014, 16:42, 1 reply, 5 days ago)
Make your single malts last longer by mixing in a bit of blended, no-one will be able to tell.

(, Thu 10 Apr 2014, 12:27, 3 replies, latest was 4 days ago)
Put a pen on a radiator for that
"Nice warm ink" feeling.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2014, 11:24, Reply)
Fat jehovas witnesses,
Jam makes an ideal replacement 'blood' during dangerous surgery.

And will work just as well and be as likely, as your whole belief system.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2014, 10:57, Reply)
Pimp your greenhouse with some tinted glass and grow-faster stripes

(, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 23:25, 1 reply, 6 days ago)
Men,
Create the illusion of being a female comic in front of blind people, by telling jokes about cakes, tampax, and how men are bastards.
It doesn't have to be funny, don't worry.
(, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 23:24, Reply)
Please think twice before adding line breaks -- your post will be skipped over if it looks too spread out or is a wall of text.

(, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 20:11, Reply)
Calm those greedy cokeheads out on the town
with a strategically placed line of ketamine on top of the cistern
(, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 12:28, 1 reply, 1 week ago)
Ensure everyone knows how well-read and intelligent you are
by telling them how you just can't go anywhere without your kindle.
(, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 11:32, Reply)
Government...
Prepare for a yes vote in the forthcoming Scottish independence referendum by rounding up all Scottish people living in England, Wales & Northern Ireland and keeping them in camps, ready for immediate deportation.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 11:40, 4 replies, latest was 1 week ago)
Confuse the English
By not hating them.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:51, Reply)
Apple, why not make the next iPhone a landline
As it seems they are only useful when attached to a fucking wall
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:40, 2 replies, latest was 1 week ago)
Don't shave your arse crack, unless you want your farts to sound like someone letting all the air out of a party balloon.

(, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 18:27, Reply)
Ingratiate yourself with the Welsh
by enquiring where Lovely is.
(, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 17:40, Reply)
Make your own Nigel Farage...
...by teaching a frog to be racist.
(, Sat 5 Apr 2014, 21:55, Reply)
Confuse Scots by not having your tea.

(, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 13:57, 1 reply, 2 weeks ago)
Confuse Geordies by
having women look different to men.
(, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 13:33, Reply)
Confuse Londoners by being polite and courteous.

(, Fri 4 Apr 2014, 12:45, Reply)
Confuse Scousers
By leaving your tools in the van overnight.
(, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 19:32, Reply)
Make your chili con carne taste nicer by adding a spoonful of cinnamon
Trust me: you will thank me for this.
(, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 13:13, 7 replies, latest was 4 days ago)
Struggling to stomach TWO extra portions of fruit a day?
carve fruit from butter then internet fatties
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 20:15, Reply)
More space?
Try putting flags about the place. That's how we did it in the old days instead of all this war nonsense.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 12:32, 3 replies, latest was 1 week ago)
Want more space?
Buy a wider keyboard.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:42, Reply)
Want to look like a dog fingering twat?
Stick "fnord" on the newsletter, then everyone in the know will understand what a terrible canine molesting git you are.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 3:35, Reply)
Want morse pace?
Whatever speed your comfortable tapping it out at really.
(, Tue 1 Apr 2014, 21:54, 1 reply, 2 weeks ago)

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