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This is a question Top Tips

Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."

(, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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If you are due in court, and think you may get a custodial.
Set fire to the judge, it'll be well lol.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 14:32, Reply)
If you are due in court, and think you may get a custodial.
Set fire to a building/factory and get caught for it. They cant put you in a shared cell because of that, in case you set them alight.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 14:20, Reply)
There's plenty of light about during the day if you could be arsed to get up earlier, you lazy fucks.
(, Fri 26 Jun 2015, 2:41, Reply)
Runners in large towns and cities. Why not run through a heavily pedestrianised area and annoy people?
You could just do a few laps of a local park you fucking spastics.
(, Thu 25 Jun 2015, 21:43, 1 reply, 1 day ago)
South Park Avatar Randomizer
South Park Avatar Randomizer
(, Wed 24 Jun 2015, 7:13, Reply)
if you enjoy looking at pixelated things
superglue somebody else contact lenses to your eyeballs
and then smash them with a small ballpoint hammer.
(, Sat 20 Jun 2015, 12:10, 2 replies, latest was 1 week ago)
Copying loads of Top Tips from elsewhere
makes you look like Justin Lee Collins
(, Tue 16 Jun 2015, 1:19, 2 replies, latest was 2 weeks ago)
A carrot makes an excellent pointing device.
If you need a longer pointer simply sellotape the carrot to the end of a pool cue.
(, Thu 11 Jun 2015, 9:33, 3 replies, latest was 3 weeks ago)
You can hurt the feelings of a partner or other in an amusing way quite easily, but taking two negative traits and putting a "Mc" between them, to create a pretend name. eg:
Lazy McThick;
Nasty McStupid;
Ugly McBoring.
(, Wed 10 Jun 2015, 13:30, 4 replies, latest was 1 day ago)
In case of unequal loading of opposite buckets/tube racks or tube-holes, the operation will be interrupted during the acceleration phase. The rotor will be decelerated to standstill.
Additionally the error message "ERROR" appears on the preset display "speed".
If the actual display "speed" shows error no. 1, the difference in weight of the samples is too big. Fill the tubes and load the rotor as described under point 3.
If the actual display "speed" shows error no. 2, there can be several reasons for:
- The imbalance switch is not adjusted correctly.
- The imbalance switch is defective
(, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 17:37, 1 reply, 3 weeks ago)
buy a card cloning scanner,
for maybe a tenner on the Ebay. And clone your own cards. Then, should you lose your proper one, you have a copy of it. Trust me, its better to spend that tenner than wait for 3...? working days (a fortnight) for your old one.
(, Tue 9 Jun 2015, 9:49, Reply)
Upset someone?
Surprising though it may seem, they may not even realise they are upset. Helpfully point out to them that they are upset. They may not thank you immediately, but they'll be grateful in the long run.
(, Mon 8 Jun 2015, 12:41, 3 replies, latest was 3 weeks ago)
If you want to say something in a discussion but have absolutely nothing intelligent to add
simply type 'this.' You may wish to use a caret (^) to direct the reader to the above discussion.
(, Thu 4 Jun 2015, 14:19, 6 replies, latest was 3 weeks ago)
Last week's QOTW a bit shite?
How about some mixtape related anecdotes?
(, Thu 4 Jun 2015, 12:16, Reply)
Missing last week's qftw?
Post your answers here instead.
(, Wed 3 Jun 2015, 15:56, 3 replies, latest was 4 weeks ago)
This seems like a logical place to continue posting life-H4xx0r|z

(, Wed 3 Jun 2015, 13:26, Reply)
Triple fuckin' D an' the TT kru yo

(, Fri 29 May 2015, 19:47, 2 replies, latest was 5 weeks ago)
Become a mod for QOTW and resort to using 'top tips' after a month, even though it already has its own board.

(, Fri 29 May 2015, 16:52, Reply)
A condom is an ideal storage device for keeping a single carrot fresh.

(, Wed 27 May 2015, 16:41, Reply)
Do you have a lot of smegma under your foreskin?
Why not collect and package it as Stinking Bishop cheese.
(, Wed 27 May 2015, 13:13, Reply)
Sports plebs!
Avoid disappointment by always backing the winning team
(, Tue 26 May 2015, 22:18, Reply)
Men. Examine your own prostate by simply wiping your arse with Aldi value toilet roll

(, Tue 26 May 2015, 17:42, Reply)
Clap your hands everybody, if you got what it takes.

(, Tue 26 May 2015, 17:20, Reply)
Imagine you're hiding in a drain by lying in a puddle and looking through a fork.

(, Tue 26 May 2015, 9:48, 1 reply, 5 weeks ago)
Give your Action Man a realistic penis by glueing a cashew nut to his groin.

(, Tue 26 May 2015, 9:47, Reply)
OAP drivers. Avoid being told to ;speed up or get off the fucking road' by speeding up or getting off the fucking road.

(, Tue 26 May 2015, 9:47, Reply)
Want to notify people online you're upset?
Login to B3ta and tell everyone about it.
(, Mon 25 May 2015, 9:53, Reply)
Cat owners. Save money on expensive cat carriers. Simply tie your pet's tail to one of its back legs to make a handy carrying loop.

(, Mon 25 May 2015, 8:01, Reply)
Bonsai trees make ideal model trees for Japanese Hornby railway set enthusiasts.

(, Mon 25 May 2015, 8:01, Reply)
Kraft cheese slices make ideal patches for heavy cheese eaters who are trying to cut down.

(, Sun 24 May 2015, 8:33, Reply)

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