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Got a great tip? Share it with us. You know, stuff like "Prevent sneezing by pressing you index finger firmly between your nose and your upper lip."

(, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:33)
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If you get caught outside your female neighbours house in possession of a pair of binoculars,
Simply explain you are merely checking if she is using Aunt Bessies roast potatoes or Yorkshire puddings.
To make it more convincing, do it wearing womens clothes.
Old womans clothes...
(, Sat 22 Nov 2014, 1:17, Reply)
Look really manly and have the ladies love you,
by growing a beard and then wearing leggings.
(, Tue 18 Nov 2014, 12:08, 2 replies, latest was 4 days ago)
Can't afford expensive Chinese luxuries like Birds Nest Soup?
Instead of milk, pour hot water onto your Shredded Wheat.
(, Thu 13 Nov 2014, 20:35, Reply)
Should a gypsy granny turn up on your doorstep trying to sell you wooden clothes pegs
smack her around the face with your tumble dryer as some sort of subtle hint about the merits of the mechanisation of laundry.
(, Wed 12 Nov 2014, 3:08, 1 reply, 1 week ago)
If you can't remember what the skies were like when you were young:
Try visiting Watford, Watford, Watford.
(, Mon 10 Nov 2014, 13:16, Reply)
My top tip is to
top up your tip top tap with tip top.
(, Thu 6 Nov 2014, 18:34, Reply)
Having trouble getting decent coverage out of your emulsion?
Put some dogshit in it.

I can cover about 47 sqm of my hall carpet with about 50g of the stuff, using a shoe, so a good alsation sized turd will easily stretch to a 3 bedroom house.
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 17:22, Reply)
Having trouble getting decent coverage out of your emulsion?
Simply cry like a toddler at the miserable futility of it all you fucking clown
(, Wed 29 Oct 2014, 10:36, Reply)
Work stress? Sexual frustration? Carrying the weight of the world on you shoulders?
The low cost and hassle free solution is to kill your wife and children and then hang yourself.
(, Tue 28 Oct 2014, 22:10, Reply)
Accroches-toi a ton reve.

(, Sun 19 Oct 2014, 17:57, 2 replies, latest was 5 weeks ago)
Cheers.

(, Tue 14 Oct 2014, 19:37, Reply)
Do you do one of those funny little sighs after you laugh?
stop it it's fucking irritating
(, Mon 13 Oct 2014, 15:58, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
Bored?
Simply toss yourself off!
(, Mon 13 Oct 2014, 15:57, 1 reply, 4 weeks ago)
Beef getting stale and past its use by date?
Simply toss it away.
(, Sun 12 Oct 2014, 22:54, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
Tosser, go away

(, Thu 9 Oct 2014, 21:54, 3 replies, latest was 6 weeks ago)
if you're a nutter,
paint a peg black and fasten it to you ear, then have your bollocks mad conversations as normal but you look like a commuter. or member of staff in a drive through....
(, Wed 8 Oct 2014, 20:32, Reply)
want a new question of the week every week?
try not slagging off absolutely everything on there, all the time.
(, Sun 5 Oct 2014, 10:24, 6 replies, latest was 7 weeks ago)
Want an ideal online way to store pictures of your kids?
Upset someone on QOTW.
(, Sat 4 Oct 2014, 7:13, Reply)
B3ta makes an ideal "real life"
for fat shut-in autists.
(, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 19:34, Reply)
Missing Question of the Week?
Simply gnaw your fingertips to the bone.
(, Fri 3 Oct 2014, 18:12, Reply)
Tell your children you hate them.
Hopefully they'll stop nagging you about stupid childish shit.
(, Tue 30 Sep 2014, 11:33, 2 replies, latest was 8 weeks ago)
make sure you mention suicide, attempted suicides and death of loved ones no matter what the qotw subject matter.
This will prove to all readers that you are very much a weepy mess and probably from Australia.
(, Sun 28 Sep 2014, 9:54, 4 replies, latest was 8 weeks ago)
Blind people...
...Save money by buying broken lightbulbs secondhand, instead of expensive new ones.
(, Sat 27 Sep 2014, 9:14, 1 reply, 8 weeks ago)
Deaf househunters
Consider the value proposition of houses at the ends of airport runways.....
(, Fri 26 Sep 2014, 19:01, Reply)
Bent phone?
Try not to bend it, you clumsy twat.
(, Thu 25 Sep 2014, 17:27, Reply)
Pacify sanctimonious types by living in a stone house and throwing glasses.

(, Wed 24 Sep 2014, 8:51, Reply)
Make dance remixes of your favourite songs...
...by scratching the fuck out of the CD with a nail.
(, Tue 23 Sep 2014, 12:34, Reply)
Good evening.

(, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 22:37, Reply)
FRIEND.

(, Mon 22 Sep 2014, 22:05, Reply)
#bafrkru

(, Fri 19 Sep 2014, 11:11, Reply)

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