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My Mother in law has a habit of "gifting". She will take crap she doesn't want anymore and hide it around our house when she visits. Tell us your tales of the In Laws.

(, Tue 13 Jun 2017, 12:15)
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Mike Lindup of Level 42 once lent me a DVD on dog penises through the ages, presented by Chris Packham

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 17:53, 1 reply, 2 hours ago)
I fucked Mike Lindup of Level 42 in the staff room of Fleet Services during their 'Running in the Family' tour of July 1987
Fun fact: despite the songs chirpy lyrics, Mike Lindup actually hates his family. His dad is, and I quote, 'a fucking wanker'.
(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 14:43, 2 replies, latest was 1 day ago)
I fucked my mother-in-law

(, Fri 23 Jun 2017, 13:17, 2 replies, latest was 23 hours ago)
They say they're from Cheshire, but I know they're scouse cunts.

(, Wed 21 Jun 2017, 11:09, 5 replies, latest was 2 hours ago)
Woman Hitler
Is an anagram of mother-in-law. This amuses me more than it should.
(, Tue 20 Jun 2017, 21:30, 2 replies, latest was 4 days ago)
Supersonic
I took my daughter and her boyfriend to the fleet air arm museum. Later that evening she gave her grandma (my ex-MIL) a call. "Hey Grandma" she says "me and Steve have been on Concorde".

"huggghhhhhh" says Grandma "I don't like cheap wine".

The same woman was a cracker - the ex-wife and I were walking home from the pub, and she spots her mum up against a wall down an alley, knickers round ankles, fag in hand, whilst some bloke (not her dad) presses against her having a knee trembler. "Just walk on and don't stare" says the ex-wife.........
(, Sun 18 Jun 2017, 8:41, 2 replies, latest was 5 days ago)
first serious boyfriend
after seeing him for 3 months, i finally met his mother.
she was sitting in a puddle of her own piss, biting huge chunks out of a block of cheese and mumbling incoherently in a drunken stupor.
can't help feeling i dodged a bullet, there.
(, Sat 17 Jun 2017, 17:47, Reply)
Take my mother-in-law,
I wish someone would!*

*(c) probably Les Dawson circa 1975
(, Sat 17 Jun 2017, 8:50, Reply)
nasty mother-in-laws? Don't talk to me about nasty mother-in-laws
we had to tie a lamb chop around my mother-in-law's neck just to get the dog to play with her. Thank you. If you're the owner of a dark blue Astra please go to the carpark. Your lights are still on.
(, Fri 16 Jun 2017, 23:02, 4 replies, latest was 6 days ago)
The only difference
between in-laws and outlaws is outlaws are wanted.
(, Fri 16 Jun 2017, 20:38, 1 reply, 1 week ago)
Ex-Mother-in-law
Every now and then, I like to check out the number of days since my former mother-in-law has posted something racist on Facebook.

Current record = 16 minutes.
(, Fri 16 Jun 2017, 15:40, Reply)
Ex - Mum in law
Use to mispronounce various words; notably heigth = Height and Hearst = what undertakers drive. She also disliked blacks, except her black friend.

Edit. Also used to wear a dressing Gownd and shop at Mataland.
(, Fri 16 Jun 2017, 11:29, Reply)
Pearoast.
My ex in-laws had the strangest method of ensuring they knew the whereabouts of the TV remote control.

They kept it on top of the TV.

So, when they changed a channel, they'd have to get up out of their chair, go to the TV, change the channel, replace the remote on top of the TV and go sit down.
Thick as a whale omelette
(, Thu 15 Jun 2017, 17:32, 9 replies, latest was 2 days ago)
one of my brothers in law in Brazil has macular degeneration of the eyes. I think he's down to about 30% vision in the one eye that still works
But being Brazil he still drives his big 4WD everywhere. Being in the passenger seat is both hilarious and frightening. He doesn't see roundabouts and just drives straight over them at speed. He reacts really late to anybody getting in his way, but still blows his horn and swears at them as if it was their fault. He's had several crashes. Possibly not unrelated to his vision he had an ex-employee steal cash from his house. The local police offered to find the guy in return for a small bribe. He thought they would rough him up a bit. Instead they killed him. It's a fun country, Brazil
(, Thu 15 Jun 2017, 3:58, 1 reply, 1 week ago)
Nobody on b3ta is married, you fools.

(, Wed 14 Jun 2017, 23:27, 1 reply, 5 days ago)
My father in law had the Forth road bridge temporarily closed so it wouldn't interfere with my Fife nuptials.
Could you afford that?
(, Wed 14 Jun 2017, 20:51, 3 replies, latest was 1 week ago)
Anal christmas
My mother in law once gave me an anal thermometer as a Christmas present.
The packet it came in already been opened and then sellotaped shut again.
(, Wed 14 Jun 2017, 20:37, Reply)

Ex-wife's parents
(, Wed 14 Jun 2017, 19:46, Reply)
Sisters in Law
I shagged both of my sisters in law!
(, Wed 14 Jun 2017, 16:02, 2 replies, latest was 1 week ago)
There's a weird bit in every family...
My direct in-laws are lovely, however there's a branch of the family who are a little weird.

When meeting their Niece's boyfriend for the first time, and whilst still engaging in pleasant small talk, the Aunt and Uncle said of their daughter, Alice.
"The doctors say it's only a matter of time before she hurts herself, or somebody else."

Some time later we all turned up to their son's wedding and there was Police warning tape all the way round the church. The first comment was "Wow! Alice has finally flipped!"

It turns out it was a drugs raid on one of the houses nearby. Alice spent the day as a model bridesmaid and the only murder was of a rendition "I will always love you".
(, Wed 14 Jun 2017, 10:42, Reply)
My father in law
once filled the windscreen washer bottle in my car with two litres of stale piss.
Long story.
Sorry to move closer to the 11 replies mentioned below.
(, Wed 14 Jun 2017, 8:50, 2 replies, latest was 1 week ago)
This one time, my father-in-law posted a new QOTW but it only got 11 replies. We don't talk about it.

(, Tue 13 Jun 2017, 20:31, 3 replies, latest was 2 weeks ago)
Third!
My father in law died from pancreatic cancer
(, Tue 13 Jun 2017, 15:26, 1 reply, 1 week ago)

ift uff
(, Tue 13 Jun 2017, 15:22, Reply)
First post!
In your face Kaol (or whoever normally gets it)
(, Tue 13 Jun 2017, 15:15, 2 replies, latest was 1 week ago)

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