Driving
Lets have a good old moaning session about your driving pet peaves.

Is it that foriegn car (or drunken taxi driver) that hogs the Fast lane of the motorway while traveling at 60mph?

What about those drivers that cut out infront of you on roundabouts forcing you to squeal to a stop?

Whatever it is lets get it off our chests.

My biggest hate is nervous "sheep" drivers. Those people that always brake when they see oncoming traffic no matter how much space there is on the road, who have to have a 1/2 mile gap between cars before pulling out, and always start signaling 2-3 turnings before the one the actualy want. If you're that scared of driving, why don't you go get some extra lessons to help your confidence? Right now you're slowing down traffic, aiding congestion and increasing the aggression of those idiots who think that driving on your bumper will make you go faster, until they plow into the back of your car next time you slam on your brakes for a gentle corner.
( Crap Little Monkey Can't write, can't spell, no grammEr, no 'shop., Fri 4 Dec 2009, 9:06, Reply)

Alternatively, Wankers...
Ignore the fact that 'Tis the Season to be Merry by telling us about absolute bastards who've got on the wrong side of you.
(SnowyTheRabbit, Thu 3 Dec 2009, 10:16, Reply)

The Anti-Christ(mas)
People, and things, who have singularly failed to embrace/live up to the Season of Goodwill to all Men.

e.g, work making you take holiday to not work Christmas Eve. Bastards.
(SnowyTheRabbit, Thu 3 Dec 2009, 10:15, Reply)

Stay out of 2010
People you hope never make it to 2010 and why.

Should make for an uplifting holiday QOTW to counter all the sweetness.
(barrycounty, Thu 3 Dec 2009, 2:36, Reply)

Phobias
I've got quite an aversion to spiders. This was not helped when my mate, Doug, tip-toed up behind me and emptied a jar of the fuckers over my face while I was watching TV round at his place.

Phobias - scared of snakes, rats, bees, or hard work? Let us know, its good to share, theraputic...
(SpankyHanky, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 13:01, 2 replies)

Inebriated
What misfortune has beset you whilst under the influence of alcohol? Whilst walking back from the pub with a few mates, we had to cross this bridge across a drain

www.geograph.org.uk/photo/764378

Although it's been tidied up recently, the embankment is usually overgrown with nettles. So we're stumbling along and there's a scream, a lot of groaning and a liberal amount of F-Words. One of our group inadvertantly walked the wrong side of the bridge and fell down the embankment through a huge patch of nettles.

We lean over the edge and watch him has he struggles to his feet and then has to scramble back through the nettles to the road again.
He has been stung everywhere exposed, and I imagine a lot of places that wasn't either. "Look at my arms!" he cries showing off the dozens of small white welts. That's when we noticed two puncture marks. There must have been a snake of sorts in that undergrowth, probably a grass snake, a grass snake that was a bit annoyed at having some pissed up bloke come crashing through it's spot.
(sandettie light vessel automatic My dog has no dictionary, how does it spell awful?, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 9:10, 1 reply)

Neighbours
I fucking hate them. They play music all night and day, throw parties whenever the mood strikes, and are constantly doing DIY throughout their house, keeping me, my fiancee and my baby awake all night and day. They won't answer their door to us but will happily go galivanting around outside at stupid o'clocl in the morning, before hastily retreating as we open our door to talk to them.

How do you deal with yours?
( Karma's Enemy Formerly known as Aliasaria, Wed 2 Dec 2009, 5:29, Reply)

The wrath of nature
been flooded in cockermouth?, snowed in? sunburnt in unexpected heat spells? When and how has the weather unleashed hell upon you or a friend of a friend?
( willenium ,pipe smoking manliness, Sun 29 Nov 2009, 12:33, Reply)

Sexism
Apparently roughly 50% of the world's population is opposite to the type of sex you are. So what makes yours "The Master Sex"?

Discuss, and provide examples and diagrams if necessary. And for fucks sakes, don't give her your car keys either.
( Jeccius is also me Xbox 360 Gamertag, Sat 28 Nov 2009, 16:05, Reply)

Festival Freakishness
Summer is now long gone, but what was the really freakish thing that happened to you at a festival last summer? Naked mud wrestling or furry animal fancy dress nutters maybe...
(Wazzah, Fri 27 Nov 2009, 22:39, Reply)

Falling down
Have you ever been on a separation anxiety-fuelled rampage across an American city? Alternatively, have you ever fallen over or down the stairs and fucked yourself up?
( Noely Noel is approximately 1.073 billion seconds old, Fri 27 Nov 2009, 21:38, 2 replies)

New Years Eve Celebrations
Ever got lost on the way to a New Years Eve party and ended up seeing in the new year in a freezing cold field, pissing down with rain, alone, surrounded by sheep? I have.

Tell us your tales of New Years Eve win and fail - only a few weeks to go now...
(SpankyHanky, Fri 27 Nov 2009, 14:09, 1 reply)

For my nan
I'm getting her a dildo with chilli powder on top
( Dave! Dong Merrily on High BAH FUCKING HUMBUG http://bit.ly/FREEPORN, Thu 26 Nov 2009, 21:23, 2 replies)

In the nick of time . . .
plenty of scope there - tell us your story of having just made it
"in the nick of time." Did you manage to grab the last concert ticket for a much-worshipped band after a mad, life and limb dash? Did you hand in your most amazing piece of work just as your teacher/lecturer packed up to leave? Tell us about it.


** Public transport stories, however, may earn you a wet fish to the face . . .
( Mrs Legless . . . belongs to, well, you know . . . :), Thu 26 Nov 2009, 8:36, Reply)

Camping trips?
I'm sure we've all got a story to share about your mate falling in the river mid-november wearing his only clothes or watching your friends dine on semi-cooked pork sausages, whilst wondering if he can drink enough cans of lager to neutralise any potential food poisoning.
(mr-lizard, Wed 25 Nov 2009, 2:04, Reply)

Out of character
My ex was a charming and innocent young lady, the very model of a nice girl. She impressed parents and friends with her politeness, was as much a friend as a girlfriend, and was by no means obsessed with sex. Having spent the night over at her house, I woke up and expressed my hunger, and wondered aloud what to have for breakfast. She then took off her pyjama trousers (she wore pyjamas even when I was there), pushed my head down, and said "There's your breakfast, start eating". I was surprised; not unhappy, but certainly I didn't expect it.

What have you known people to do that was completely out of character?
(StapMyVitals, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 15:06, 1 reply)

I've always wondered...
I've always wanted to know how many people, if anyone, ever had sex in my school toilets. They were (and probably still are)phenomenally horrible; the floors were never without a liberal coating of piss. Unfortunately there's no way I'll ever find out.

Could one realistically do a poo weighing over 10lbs? Is Rob Manuel as manfully charming and muscular as he is in my oily fantasies? What percentage of the QOTW answers involving sex are complete fabrications?

What ridiculous stuff have you always wondered about?
(StapMyVitals, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Club 18-30
At the end of school, me and a group of lads hit Kavos in Corfu for a week of end of school/pre-uni celebrating. On the trip we had one lad throw up in bed, another smash his nose on the bottom of the swimming pool trying to impress girls and my best mate disappeared only to reappear with only one shoe and a vague recollection of losing his virginity. And this was only the first night.

Anyone else had similar experiences with reps that chav your money, all you can drink parties and sunburn?
(satanstolemyteddybear, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 14:26, 1 reply)

Drugs
We could cover some highs and lows, if you pardon the expression.

Share your drug-related tales, both heart-warming and heart-rending.
(SonoraAeroClub IPC Subeditors Dictate Our Youth, Tue 24 Nov 2009, 10:08, Reply)

You weren't meant to hear that
When have you totally screwed up?

My best effort was when I was on a bit of a "get fit" drive this summer. The primary purpose of said "get fit drive" was in the hope of persuading attractive people to sleep with me when I went back to uni for my second fresher's week (I failed). Getting fit was achieved my means of a lot of cycling. Now, as every cyclist knows, there are times when you just don't want to drag yourself up another endless hill, especially after you've already cycled more than fifteen miles that day as well as playing a four hour tennis match. At times like these my motto would be "Think of the Clunge!". An inspiring slogan indeed. What I didn't intend was to be overtaken by an actual proper cyclist person^TM as I crested a hill and quoted said motto out loud.

The look he gave me over his shoulder will stay with me to the grave...
(MatJ finally got bored of hedonism, Sun 22 Nov 2009, 4:05, Reply)

I once built myself a greenhouse
it was nice.
Tell us about your erection.
( stopmeandslapme Buggering belief since, Sat 21 Nov 2009, 17:41, Reply)

Things that made more sense when you were a kid.
When I was a kid I used to love the bit on "Get Your Own Back" when the parent was raised higher above the slime for each correct answer. Looking back, I don't know why.... that parent was going in the slime anyway, what difference does the height make?

What made more sense when you were a kid than it does now?
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 20 Nov 2009, 23:33, Reply)

Foreigners
There always weird and smelly. And when you go abroad you're weird and smelly. I once shit myself in Greece because I didn't know the word for toilet and they were too lazy to learn english.
Tell us your stories of bungling foreigners and your fuck ups when you're a foreigner.
(NuffMuff got into the newsletter by being a nerd on, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 14:47, 4 replies)

Workplace Idiots
Because I have to work with lots of them, and want to know that I'm not the only one.
(SnowyTheRabbit, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 10:01, Reply)

Make Do and Mend

As a deprived estate kid, I only had two Transformers (Grimlock and one of the Insecticons), so to stage major battles, I used to cut out faces and Autobot/Decepticon symbols from Transformers comic, and stick them on the underside of Matchbox cars. turn them on their back end, open the doors for arms, hey presto, Robot!

When needs must, what have you done to save money, or just be a general skinflint?
( Joe Scaramanga Reclaiming his face, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 9:35, Reply)

Stupid relationships
Ever had that stupid relationship you know wouldn't work / shouldn't work but you just can't for some reason leave / break-up?
i.e. the girl I was with for over 3 years who cheated on me and I begged to have her back only for her to do it again, or my latest who said she had a history of cheating then used that as an excuse saying "you know what I'm like" when she did it to me but I'm too forgiving (however I'm now only full of resentment and don;t want her in anyway but can;t seem to burn the bridges...)... Somehow my only 'good' relationships where everything is rosy is always minus the love...

I'm such a mug sometimes but do you have any stories where you want to end it but something says no even though every part of your brain and body says leave? Let me know...
(Something funny, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 22:00, Reply)

when i was a student i had to live with a right pretentious cunt - rod
he was as poor as a tabloid apology and tight as a fat birds shoe

but he had a hifi that cost the same as a decent car that 'needed' a diamond and gold needle for the turntable that cost 200 quid - in the eighties

he wouldn't let me play 'pump up the jam on it'

who's the most pretentious cunt you've met
(omnishambles ™ has been fucking things up big style since, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 0:25, 2 replies)

the kindness of strangers
A bit of a tonic for all those holiday blues.

When I was young a neighbour that I'd never spoken to before fixed my bike because he saw me trudging home with a flat tyre and felt sorry for me.

Tell us about when someone you didn't know did something nice for you or your own good samaritan deeds, if you feel like gloating.
(Bo Nidle Fighting the tyranny of length gags on, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 21:31, 1 reply)

Digestion over a thousand years.
I hate the man down the road, he`s horrible.I love star wars. Who would you like to be seen thrown into the Sarlac pit , and slowly digested over thousands of years, brining a new meaning to misery.
ps Gordan Brown and the cabinet went in straight after my neighbour,so use your imagination you all.
(rural confucious, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 11:49, Reply)

What do you mean, you haven't seen it?
I never fail to be amazed by the indignant shock shown so by so many people when I reluctantly admit I haven't seen a "classic" film.

Alright, so I haven't seen the Godfather films. I've never seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I've never seen Bladerunner. I've never seen Gone With The Wind. Sorry, I guess I never got around to watching them.

What haven't you done that it seems like everyone else in living memory has?
(d371ght back again since, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 9:14, 2 replies)