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This is a question Ouch!

A friend was once given a biopsy by a sleep-deprived junior doctor.
They needed a sample of his colon, so inserted the long bendy jaws-on-the-end thingy, located the suspect area and... he shot through the ceiling. Doctor had forgotten to administer any anaesthetic.

What was your ouchiest moment?

(, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 17:29)
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Very sharp and pointy
Some years ago, when I used to be fit, healthy and able to wrestle cattle easily, I set out for an afternoon of the very same with the added intention of parting the males from their nuts.

On arriving at the farm, I filled my bucket with water and antiseptic and fixed a large (No22 Swann Morton blade to a holder and dropped it into the bucket.

The farmer and I then made our way to the pen and race where the job was due to take place. The work went well. We would load the race with four or five steers and I would then jump over the side of the race and down between the front end of one steer and the back end of the other. This is a moderately dangerous position in which to find yourself, especially as you are about to handle the bollocks of the steer in front.

My adopted style was to hold the scalpel in my mouth with the blade pointing forwards, then firmly grasp the base of the scrotum and make a firm and positive vertical cut into the testicle to release it and then place the scalpel back in my mouth before grabbing firmly to draw it out and yank... hard... The testicle was the lobbed out into the yard to give the dogs a bit of a feed (they often get a bit overfed on those days).

I've not discussed the relative merits or otherwise of the use of local anaesthetic (If you use it you have to handle them twice and you never make a good enough job to stop it being noticed) or of cleaning the bollocks (only if they were truly filthy), but I wasn't known for post-castration infections and that says it all.

I would then repeat the process on the other testicle and when done move to the next beast in the queue.

There are many points in this process at which you could get injured and the odd kick was a bit of a hazard. However... On this day I could not have guessed what I was about to do.

I had finished the job in question and needed to clean up. The bucket was full of the water and antiseptic mix PLUS some shit and straw from the work done AND crucially, the scalpel I dropped in there when I had finished castrating.

I duly plunged my hand into the bucket and was drawing water out onto my boots when I got hold of something firmer in the bottom of the bucket. I thought it felt like a sharp surface but I had forgotten about the scalpel and I had cut the top of my index finger off.

That hurt, quite a lot

I dont do large stuff anymore and I touch very little without it being completely insensible if I can help it.

length - about minus 5mm
(, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 19:04, closed)
My Grandad
used the following method to castrate the lambs. Make a small incision, lift the lambs crotch to his mouth, suck out the testicle, bite it off and spit it out.
(, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 19:36, closed)

(, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 0:19, closed)
Fuuuucking hell
I think we have a winner.
(, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 16:34, closed)
I voted
for the cattle. You litterally rip their bollox out without anaesthetic and then moan that you cut your finger?

I'm hoping I missed the sarcasm in your tale!
(, Wed 4 Aug 2010, 17:06, closed)
you got the irony. That was exactly what I was heading for!

This whole episode was well before major changes in what could or could not be done to cattle with or without anaesthetic. I was "taught" by much older folk with more years or experience than all those fancy college fol-de-lols with their fancy high-falutin ideals. The sense then,was that if you made one brief cut and pull, it was faster and less noticeable than trying to make the whole thing desensitised with local. Please bear in mind here, that, in order to get a good local block, you would have to carefully track a line of local under the exact position in the skin where you would make the cut and then try and effect a full block of the spermatic cord. This requires several needle stabs, each one of which will be felt and reacted to. One quick cut seems far more humane and in my experience was actually very well tolerated. The only really humane method would be full anaesthesia, but the risk is not worth it and application somewhat awkward. Farm economics largely drive what happens.

I gave up with cattle 20 years ago now and have just about stopped smelling of cowshit. Gave up horses 10 years ago - at least their owners would pay for full anaesthetic for castration.
(, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 14:33, closed)

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