This picture sums up how I feel about last night.


This place is pretty dead. How has everyone been? I got very drunk and danced very badly and laughed A LOT.

Do people have lives outside of the internet then?
(Lampito , a most convincingly non-fictitious character, Sat 7 Nov 2009, 18:01, 11 replies)

Hot cheese. Edible napalm.
I caused one of my housemates to discover this by accident.

Picture the scene. You are a dirty scummer student, who has decided to wash all of your shirts in preparation for going out, as well as finally getting around to doing some washing. As a result, you have nothing to wear on your upper half for a few hours. So you sit around in the living room for a bit, waiting for your shirts to wash, before deciding that you want something to eat. You go to the kitchen, and decide that as you can't be arsed to cook properly, you shall have that old staple, cheese on toast. So you make it.

Just as you are getting it off the grill and are plating up, your housemate (in this case, me), falls down the stairs with a sudden, rather girlish shriek and much swearing in a manly fashion. This sudden shock, coupled with the fact that you thought everyone was out in town, causes you to fling your hot cheese on toast everywhere.

By everywhere, I mean all over your bare torso.

Apparently, being a first-hand eye-witness and not the actual victim, this hurts quite a lot.

What have you done so far this weekend OT that is highly destructive and amusing at the same time?
(GhostAtreides is looking for additional musicians, any takers?, Sat 7 Nov 2009, 15:14, 3 replies)

kate fucking humble
discuss(t)
(Omnishambles has been fucking things big style since, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 21:50, 6 replies)

Now here's a thing.
I've spent the afternoon drinking with my ex-wife.

That isn't unusual - we still get on fairly well and we have some joint investments that need to be discussed from time to time.

Thing is, it looks like she's heading towards divorce number two. She's left her current husband (the bloke she left ME for) and says it's the end. When I asked her why she ran through the same litany of reasons that she trotted out against me, seven years ago.

Now, I've spent seven years blaming myself for being an appalling husband but on the train home the scales fell from my eyes - it was actually her shortcomings as well as mine.

Frankly I feel like an almighty weight has been lifted from my shoulders by this revelation. I've been ringing my mates but sensibly they're all out on this fine Friday evening so I shall share with B3TA my euphoria in the knowledge that I might, after all, not be a complete shitshite.
(The Disappointed "Is it about a bicycle?", Fri 6 Nov 2009, 20:22, 5 replies)

If at first you don't succeed
try, try and try again

news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8347164.stm

and again, and again, and again, and......
(flesh eating virus, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 18:54, 7 replies)

Dumbass moment of the week!
I'm currently sat at the airport bar waiting for a flight to Phoenix, AZ. However, I'm lucky I'm not languishing in the city jail.
I was taking my carry on through security when they called for a bag check on my bag. Oh shit....I'd left my filet knife in there from last weeks fishing trip. I was lucky I never got done for a concealed weapon.

Fortunaately, they just confiscated it and let me off with a warning!
( workboresme being bored at work since, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 18:04, 2 replies)

No newsletter mention this week :((((((((
Let's relive the good times when I WAS in the newsletter.
( Amorous Badger QOTW hate figure and JMG sucker-offer., Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:49, 6 replies)

I work in an auto garage.
We have 24 hour cctv surveillance, insurance out the ying yang and a pretty good community of folks that will call us if anything happens.
I make sure all of the vehicles are locked after they arrive and double check each one at the end of the evening.
It generally doesn't bother me when a customer asks "You're going to make sure it's locked, right?" Because if it were me in the situation, I'd want to be sure too.

But it really fucking gets my bean when someone incessantly bugs me about securing there vehicle when it's a piece of shit car, covered in sap and dirt, has been wrecked and is fucking full of trash. To these people I want to ask "Why? Are you afraid they're going to steal your half empty two liter bottle of off brand diet sprite? Or perhaps the McDonald's sweet and sour sauce packet collection in the back seat?"

Tell me why you're annoyed today.
( Kristine in our house made of paper, your words all over me, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:38, 35 replies)

Warning
rather NSFW pic on /board at the mo (barely-disguised goatse). I wouldn't go there if your boss is looking over your shoulder.

Edit: mod's sorted it.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 15:07, 22 replies)

You lot are shit
Where's al? Or someone, anyone with a sense of humour?
( Monkeysex got the baddies and killed the girl, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 13:59, 130 replies)

Rubbish
I actually get to play on b3ta and it's all gone quiet.
Tell me something that will make me hate you even more than I do already.
( clendrix You like wood? Well eat this, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 13:58, 14 replies)

Bastards
My Company (which made a profit of £2 billion last year) has just informed us that we're not getting a payrise because of the economic climate.

What news has made you feel like stabbing someone in the eye recently?
(McJuurgensHaircut is authorised and regulated by your mum., Fri 6 Nov 2009, 11:23, 31 replies)

My electronic item has a fault, can any of you fix it?
Alternatively what are you having for lunch today?
( PhillieJoe Being clever is not as clever as being, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 10:47, 24 replies)

Urinal Laps
I've just been to the toilet and invented a new game. We have one of those big piss troughs at my work, and as I was in there on my own I decided to start doing laps, right to left from Angelina Jolie to Cameron Diaz and back again, to see how many I could do before I stopped peeing.

4 and a bit, it turns out, but I'm sure I'll be able to beat this record in the future. What do you do to alleviate boredom?

'going on b3ta' and 'your mum' will result in testicular cancer
( Monkeysex got the baddies and killed the girl, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 9:47, 63 replies)

I'm awfully frustrated
with the cold virus running around inside me, making my nose tickle so constantly and distractingly and sending my snot production gland into overdrive. I'm trying to get someone to cover the second half of my day so I can go home and die quietly in front of Loose Women.

When was the last time you skipped work and why? Also, recommendations for getting rid of this fucking cold quick-sharpish.
( Noely Noel is trying to bite his left ear, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 9:18, 38 replies)

Things that really fucking annoy me part 10983894
I just asked 'is it the 6th today?', and got the reply 'yes, all day', said in a kind of 'ha - got you! Bet you feel really stupid now' way.

I have encountered this wholly meaningless smart-arse quip before and it pisses me off no end. What's the purpose of it? How is it either funny or clever? Can anyone explain?

Fucking twat.
(Monty Boyce teaspooning Bowie's eye out, Fri 6 Nov 2009, 9:17, 23 replies)

HSH


I've been offered the opportunity to apply for the next step up the job ladder at work, but don't think I'm ready. Do I apply anyway for the interview experience, or carry on stuffing envelopes?
( Maladicta click, click, boom, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 19:39, 75 replies)

Speaking of Teenage Crushes
Bikini Leia and her stunt double catch some rays on set.

Beyond awesome. I feel 15 again.
( The Ghost In Chains has Mountain Goats stuck in his head, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 18:44, 1 reply)

Left Overs
In my opinion nothing beats a left over, cold Dominos pizza the day after a night on the piss (fuck getting up in the morning after going out on the lash).

What are your favourite left over foods?
(wehttamman jizzed on your face on, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 16:47, 33 replies)

Talentless Simian Faced Twat Batters Wife
www.guardian.co.uk/music/2009/nov/03/ian-brown-arrested-alleged-assault

I am a bit surprised to read that he is 46, that's old for a chimp.
(cancer joy was short lived, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 15:53, 18 replies)

Guitarists...
I'm after some headphones that I can plug into my amp; I'm beginning to feel a bit guilty about forcing the neighbours to listen to me making a guitar-shaped din.

Any recommendations?
( Enzyme is in ur [noun]z, [verb]in' ur [noun]z, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 15:07, 64 replies)

I remember that within Bernard Cornwall's

Napoleonic universe with Sharp and co. He would talk about enormous French soldiers with long beards, aprons and axes.

A quick Google search has found nothing, was Bernard lying to me?

Which war would you most like to have been involved in?
(NakedApe Cheesemaid for all your breakfast cheese needs, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 15:00, 14 replies)

Anyone else find this worrying?
Or am i over reacting when i think that kids shouldnt have sex education lessions at 5?

www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/6507537/Sex-and-drug-lessons-from-age-5.html

Also civil partnerships, religious views on sex Ed, and HIV just shouldnt be taught to a 5 year old!!

THEY ARE 5!!!!!
(Grove is the collector of WOO and hoarder of YAY, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 13:52, 69 replies)

I just flashed the postman
he brought me post, I showed him my left breast. Admittedly I had been feeding the ectoparasite, and forgot to put myself away - but the postman didn't know that.
Do you think this will encourage the postman to up his demands in the next strike action, or not strike, but knock on my door more often?
Have you exposed yourself to any members of the CWU recently?
(vitamin c is sitting down carefully, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 13:37, 26 replies)

This week's QOTW.
I've been debating this all morning. I've raised the issue on a messageboard not a million miles from here.

If you all aren't lying at one another, does QOTW turn in to a baiting site to trap nonces and the sex offenders?
This week's QOTW is being taken in some rather odd directions from what I am guessing are your spottier brethren.

Poor Popular Badger's Popular List will only get back in the Popular Newsletter. Creating yet more bitterness and jealousy on here.
There'll be little to no time to blame ME for everything! For shame cyber-whale community! For shame!
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Thu 5 Nov 2009, 13:34, 37 replies)

Right, vigilante justice on standby:
has anyone heard from Enzyme this morning, or is he lying in a bloody pulp on the streets of Manchester with the imprint of a racist twat's boot on his face?
( crackhouseceilidhband is otherwise engaged, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 12:14, 15 replies)

Yesterday at work
A manager for another site, here for a meeting, wanted to check her email at lunchtime. She powered off and on a locked PC and logged in, in the process killing the long running test it had been performing. On being asked about it she just shrugged, said "sorry" and swanned off back to her meeting.

I'd never do that, nor would anyone else I know. I had assumed that was a universal piece of modern etiquette - apparently not.

Any other bits of 21st century manners you can think of? Alternatively, have you seen some rudeness recently?
( The Ghost In Chains has Mountain Goats stuck in his head, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 11:22, 12 replies)

Hey Liars. Internet supremo JMG here.
Whilst the fan club grows and the twitter gets loads of attention, I remain with my feet on the ground to impeccable standards in order to keep in touch with b3ta, and to a lesser extent QOTW.
In which ways would you say you happen to better the internet?

Come on. Show off.
( Jam Master Geordie FACEBOOK FANPAGE! http://tinyurl.com/ctbb2q ., Thu 5 Nov 2009, 9:46, 72 replies)

I feel weary and drained today
I can only assume it's the effect of digesting the curry I ate last night.

let's hope it gets better before the end of the day because I've got a lot of drinking and flaming barrel avoiding to do tonight.

how are you today?
( Vipros like a fighterjet made out of biceps, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 9:18, 26 replies)

So today I tried to explain Bonfire Night
to the Yanks. They didn't get it, at all. It pissed me off, so tomorrow I'm going down the British Dominion club for fireworks and a Bonfire Night piss up.

What are your plans for Guy Fawkes day thingy?
( workboresme being bored at work since, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 8:46, 20 replies)