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This is a question Lego

Battered wonders, "What amazing stuff have you got up to with Lego?" Or just tell us about the time you got a Lego brick stuck up your privates.

All people referring to 'Legos' will be shot at down. Or dawn. Your choice.

(, Thu 24 Oct 2013, 15:13)
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Oh, no! Not again!
b3ta.com/questions/lego/post2134572

I had no mates when I was a nipper.

So I did as many teenagers did and invented an imaginary friend. Trouble was, I don't have much imagination, so my imaginary mate was also called Rob. Can you imagine the confusion? Ma would call out 'Rob, get your fat ass out here now!' and I'd reply, 'Sure thing ma!' and then two seconds later I'd say, 'Sure thing ma!' again, in exactly the same voice. Jeez I had some fun as a little blighter!

Ma hated the other Rob almost as much as she hated me. Even took me to some fancy doctor once to try and see why a 19yr old still had an imaginary friend, the doc didn't do much - but he did say he'd be ma's second signature if she wanted to have me sectioned, but more about another time eh!

Anyhoo, back to the old Lego story! So this one time, I'd spent weeks building a mega-fort using all 20 of my Lego bricks. It took me fucking ages to get it to stand up, until one of ma's mates explained that the bobbly bits go inside the other bricks and that then they'd stay together. That guy was some kind of magician!

So anyhoo, I'd built my megafort and was standing inside it, me and Rob defending it from any possible attackers. I had my plastic pirate sword in my belt and was wearing the police helmet Uncle Jay got me for me 18th birthday. Nobody was getting into MY fort. For about 6hrs me and Rob steadfastly defended Fort Fairholme, even managing to ignore ma's cries of, 'Can't you bloody well do that inside and not on the front lawn?'

But soon I was desperate! Boy, I needed a piss! But I couldn't leave the fort - and the other Rob was too weak to defend it by himself. So, as true soldier and defender of Fort Fairholme, I didn't leave my post. I pulled down me kecks, grabbed my greasy cock and pissed away! I made a perfect moat for my fort! A foul smelling piss-full moat! Now no one would come near us!

But bloody ma appeared. 'Rob!' She yelled. 'Yes' I answered, quickly followed by another 'Yes' from the other Rob. 'Put it away and LET GO OF IT NOW! She screamed. Thing is, I thought she was talking about the LEGO! You know, cos she said 'Let Go' and it kinda sounded like 'Lego' - if you see what I mean.

'Never!' I shouted to the heavens. 'I will NEVER let go. I will never surrender Fort Fairholme!'

Well, cut a long story short, turns out ma was telling me to let go of my greasy cock, not the lego! And by that evening she'd called the fancy doc and me and the other Rob were off to a 'special holiday camp'. But the joke was on ma...as the holiday camp had 1000's of Lego pieces to play with! Well, 1000's of Lego pieces that the other Rob could play with, I found it kinda hard playing with my hands tied and stretched out behind my back in my 'special holiday jacket'.
(, Tue 29 Oct 2013, 20:37, closed)

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