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NEWSLETTER: "DEBT CEILING CAT IS WATCHING YOU DEFAULT"

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This Week:
* TRUTH - Obama vs Cassetteboy
* PROTEST - I Threw It On The Ground
* iPLAYER - On your Kindle

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 489 - 29 Jul 2011

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue489/

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Oh just buy a Kindle or something 

  We've been feeling a bit down on the Kindle as
  basically the screen mysteriously broke. Someone
  pointed out that Amazon would replace it for
  free. Turns out it was out of warranty, but
  Amazon replaced it for $40 and free postage. We
  were dead chuffed and thought they deserve a bit
  of good PR. SO here it is: buy a Kindle because
  even if you smash it Amazon are quite reasonable
  about it. Yay.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B002LVUWFE/b3ta-21


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Obama, Swearing and Winehouse
    
  >> Cassette Boy & Amnesty TV <<
  Cassetteboy makes Obama tell the truth, no
  waterboarding required. Also lots of other stuff
  for Amnesty International.
http://tv.amnesty.org.uk/episodes/episode-two/mischief/


  >> Just the swearing <<
  If you don't like excessive swearing in films,
  give thanks to ProperBo, who's compiled all the
  moments you'll want to avoid. "Edits of
  films/tv/music with *just* the swearing," he
  reveals.
http://justtheswearing.com/


  >> Kunt's tribute to Diana <<
  "RIP Amy Winehouse," intones kunt. "This is our
  tribute." Kind of mean, but it made us laugh. 
http://www.kuntandthegang.co.uk/amy


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Losing it

  That we are all on a slippery slope to gaga-dom
  is without question. It's just that some of you
  are actively scooting down, going "Wheee!":
http://b3ta.com/questions/losingit/

  * LAND ROVER - "Drove off to work this morning.
  Couldn't remember if I'd locked the Land Rover.
  Shit. Some little scrote will be in there trying
  to prise the crappy Land Rover own-brand stereo
  out of the plastic dash. Thing was, I could
  definitely remember opening the Land Rover door
  that morning but not locking it after me. I
  turned round, drove home, pulled up in front of
  my house, saw my other car neatly parked there,
  realised I was IN the Land Rover. The million
  decibel engine and clouds of noxious exhaust
  should have been a clue." (mzungu)
	 
  * CAR-JACK - "On a cold, dark rainy evening I
  nipped into the local Tesco for a bottle of wine
  to numb the pain of another evening of
  Eastenders and Corrie. I was knackered after a
  long day at work, and wandered back to the car
  in my usual slight daze. I hit the key fob for
  the central locking, and wandered round to the
  driver's side door and opened it whilst checking
  my receipt to make sure I had indeed gotten my
  two bottles of wine for a tenner. As I slipped
  into the driving seat, I realised that MY car
  seat doesn't have a cover on it. And my car does
  not have a pine tree air freshener. And my car
  is not a VW. And my car does not have three
  shit-scared children under the age of 10 in it.
  Their mum had pressed her key-fob at the same
  time as me. My car was three down. Tricky one to
  explain, that. Dunno who looked more scared, the
  kids, the mum or me." (Bappage)
	 
  * CAT FOOD - "At least once a month. Cereal in
  the cat's bowl. Cat food in mine. She's now a
  big fan of Cornflakes and Rice Krispies. Cat
  food on the other hand is horrific and I can see
  why she gets more pleasure out of cleaning her
  own arse." (Milo Minderbinder)


  >> This Week - Conspicuous Consumption <<
  Have you ever been photographed sat on a balcony
  eating a croissant; or wallowed in luxury just
  for the sake of it? What's the most ostentatious
  thing you ever seen or done? Brag here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/consumption/


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: PLEASE BUY THE SWEDE MASON SINGLE
  Get a B3tan into the charts!
  
  "Hope you aren't all as sick of this as I am,"
  frets chart-threatening behemoth Swede Mason. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Just_a_reminder:3


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Interviewing a celebrity. In GIFS. <<
  We've seen the future of all online journalism.
  This is a format that could run and run.
http://bit.ly/rf1UA4


  >> Most ridiculous 80s computer mag cover ever <<
  Or possibly a scene cut from the Tom Hanks movie
  Big. NSFW.
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmioz5dvD21qbtj0jo1_500.jpg


  >> iPlayer for Kindle <<
  Kindles don't display video, so what to do? Why
  not write a script that turns episodes of East
  Enders into 80s-style photo stories? Genius?
  Stupid? Both.
http://www.frisnit.com/?p=142


  >> Oatmeal explain everything <<
  It's like a primer on the internet circa now.
  All you need to know.
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/state_web_summer 


  >> You Are Not A Photographer <<
  A rather spiteful blog that points out crap
  photography. Occasionally funny, but we reckon
  the writer feels their special talents of owning
  a camera are being undermined by iffy snappers.
http://youarenotaphotographer.com/


  >> Make your own Nyan cat <<
  Using your printer and some scissors make your
  own memey cat. Actually, there's an idea for a
  site: lots of PDF diagrams that you can print
  out and make - all being hats and ruffs for your
  penis. We'd link to it anyway.
http://goo.gl/1LSZD


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Cuteroulette

  Remember back to the heady days of 2010 and Chat
  Roulette was the website that made people go OMG
  PENISES ON THE INTERNET. Now imagine it again,
  but with cute animals, most of them not showing
  your their wank sticks.
http://www.cuteroulette.com


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Animated GIFS with sound

  >> Limmy <<
  Scottish waster Dee Dee takes advantage of a
  free bus ride to Yoker, in the most epic
  adventure of his life. Lovely.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfectchNtQM


  >> I Threw It On The Ground <<
  The Lonely Island know the best use for a
  slow-motion camera - and that's to smash the
  motherfucking system! This was the last thing on
  Lulzsec's Twitter feed just before they got
  busted in The Shetlands, fact fans.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/I_Threw_It_On_The_Ground:2


  >> Commuter slidey thing <<
  Dear Boris, please can we have one of these
  things to help get to the Underground platforms
  quicker? Would be a good stunt for the Olympics.
  Thanks. 
http://bit.ly/nfff91


  >> Jumping the level crossing barriers <<
  Harking back to the days when YouTube was like
  an uncensored You've Been Framed - numpty
  leaps the barriers without even looking.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSaZKk_nzMM


  >> Dancing zombie squid <<
  What do you get when you cross sushi with
  performance art? Suddenly not very hungry. FYI:
  The twitching is most likely caused by the
  sodium in the sauce causing muscles to activate.
  If you cut off Ben Goldacre's penis and covered
  in soy it would be weirdly similar.
http://goo.gl/1Hb3K


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  If you like this bit we hope you get AIDS
  
  * SPAMOUNT - blamesable writes, "I am what is
  known as a 'lurker' on this site, but am posting
  this because I think you will appreciate it. I
  live near a place called Spamount, which is bad
  enough as it is, but some enterprising person
  has with a mere stroke of a pen, made
  something...wonderful..."
http://twitpic.com/5trdir


  * THE UNICODE CHARACTER FOR DOG SHIT - U+1F4A9
  apparently. Rejoice geeks.
http://goo.gl/0xdob


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: CLUB 27 
  Poor old Amy

  Club 27 is obvious hokum. Just pick a number and
  celebs will have died at that age.

  Club 32? Keith Moon. Mama Cass. Karen Carpenter.
  John Bonham. PLUS Brian Epstein, Bruce Lee.

  Club 33 - Jesus, Alexander the Great, Eva Peron,
  one of the guys from Milli Vanilli.

  Club 15: Anne Frank, er... stuck now.


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Owls Challenge

  Last week we thought it would be a hoot to
  photoshop owls.

  Your favourites included:
 
  * BOAT - classic Edward Lear poem bought to life
  in stunning detail (E_Dubya)
http://b3ta.com/board/10484696

  * TASSLES - saucy owl strips for your pleasure
  (rogan)
http://b3ta.com/board/10483162

  * ORNITHOLOGY - all species of owl, explained
  (Mantrid)
http://b3ta.com/board/10487354

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/owls/


  >> New challenge: Fake Adverts <<
  This week's challenge is to create fake adverts,
  for anything.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/fakeads/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * ASK B3TA: IMPORTANT HORSE QUESTION -
  ChaRleyTroniC writes, 'My wife and I have always
  thought "I love horses / Best of all the
  animals" means that (a) I love horses, (b)
  horses are the best of all the animals. My
  little sister and her chap, though, think the
  song is saying "I love horses best of all the
  animals". That is, I love horses more than any
  other animals. But they might not be objectively
  the best." Hmm, we've always understood it as
  the second one. We think your first
  interpretation is weakened by it a missing
  couple of words to make sense, "they're the".
  Yes the songwriters might have missed them out,
  but when you have to add words to make sense of
  something that already makes sense without
  adding the words... Well, you're over
  complicating it.


  * REMEMBER 8-BIT WATERSLIDE? - teaandcheese
  writes, "It won us some dosh, which we spent
  making 'Isaac and Quincy - The TV Show?' Then we
  took it to Hollywood... and we were REJECTED by
  every major TV network in the USA!!!" 
http://goo.gl/9RTz2


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * SHAZAM FOR PEOPLE - slocey asks, "Can someone
  develop an app or similar that will tell you
  whose voice you can hear on the radio, be it a
  guest or presenter. A bit like Shazam but for
  people rather than songs." We'd like this to
  work on TV too, we're like old men shouting at
  the telly, "Who the hell is this wazzock?"

  * A PATCH FOR TWITTER - you know like a nicotine
  patch for cigs, but for social networks.

  * NATIONALISE MURDOCH - can try and run him for
  the public good?

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @danoliver, @weblivz,
  @jamesecook, @estheraddley, @textfiles,
  @simon_alexander, @johnsto, concurrency,
  Dew & Stumplings, YourLocalGP, benjymous
  Top Tippery by SonoraAeroClub. And Mrs B3ta (who
  will fizz with anger at being called Mrs B3ta)
  Additional linkage and image challenge by Fraser
  Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Manic Street
  Preachers once named an album Everything Must Go
  (        ). According to Wikipedia (        ) is
  the emoticon for cyberhugs. Aww. Subjlols via
  the wart.

 
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  TOP TIP:
  Normal-sized mobile phones make ideal
  '80s-style mobile phones for pixies, fairies,
  goblins and elves...

  REAL TOP TIP:
  Tea-stained mugs? Put some clothes washing
  powder in the cup, add hot water, leave
  standing for 1hr. The stains will simply rub
  off. This defo works; we just sorted out our
  official b3ta tea set with it.

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