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NEWSLETTER: "MUBARAK DOUBLE QUACK DOUBLE QUACK"

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This Week:
* WINDOW LICKER - singing fox
* PANCHUKS - kung fu frying pan
* JOY DIVISION - recreated in plastic

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |   "Torie's think cuting 
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  liebries a smart moove"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    

B3ta email 466 - 11 Feb 2011

The Ginger Fuhrer - Refusing to resign since 2001:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue466/

      Join us:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Fuck off then:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: ANGELOS EPITHEMIOU
  Sponsored linky

  OMG it's Angelos here, y'know from Shooting
  Stars and stuff  my new iPhone/iPod Touch app
  is out, its got a game, soundboards, exclusive
  videos, ringtones and some Mortimers etcs. Buy
  it now, click this link thing... 
http://tinyurl.com/angelos-i-app

  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than 'whoopie'

  >> Kung Fu frying pan <<
  Bruce Lee breaks out the panchuku. "I started
  out as a quick spang and didn't stop," confides
  smaggers.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bruce_Lee_Panchuku


  >> Secrets from the rubble <<
  Two friends trapped in a collapsing house learn
  a heartbreaking secret that will change their
  lives forever. "Hope you enjoy," caroos
  Ornsack. "It will make up for the bollocking my
  girlfriend gave me for trashing the living
  room."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Secrets_from_the_Rubble


  >> Foxy Fox <<
  "I was having a bad day at work," moans
  DefyingDarwin, "So I made this to cheer myself
  up." Another cute take on the window-licking
  fox vid that the kids go crazy for.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/having_a_bad_day_at_work


  >> Lost sock tribute <<
  A surprisingly nice thing, made from "the
  fallen socks and gloves of the Holloway Road"
  and a glue gun. Nice one, @pollollups.
http://j.mp/hBANqN


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Needless to say, I had the last laugh

  Last week we asked for your smug tales of
  getting on over somebody. Smug? Moi?:
http://b3ta.com/questions/lastlaugh/

  Only one story this week, but that's because it
  is a wonderful thing of beauty:

  * THOSE BLOKES - "It was a warm, liquid
  afternoon in summer, showing Bournemouth off at
  its best. Happy people wandered the beach-front
  shops, bikini-pretty and giggly - and that was
  just the guys. I, however, lurched along the
  pavement like a zombie with one of those nasty
  little rattling Boots carrier bags: bed-hair,
  bleary, snotty and a doubtless smelly young man.
  And in front of me was one of Those Blokes. You
  know, one of Those Blokes. Stocky, short type
  with gorilla-hairy arms. Always over-tanned.
  Dark hair combed back so hard its got furrows
  and you can see the scalp, which always glints
  hair-gel green. And, of course, a thick gold
  chain around the neck. Yeah, that's right, one
  of Those Blokes. I don't think I'm that
  judgemental as a person, but if you are one of
  Those Blokes the first thing I think on seeing
  you is, 'You knob. Bet you teach PE' and I
  haven't been proven wrong yet. Our particular
  bloke was leant proprietorially against the boot
  of a grey Ferrari, chatting up two bikini- clad
  damsels who were at least a decade too young for
  him. I had to lurch past, so I couldn't help but
  over-hear him holding court on the merits of
  this particular make. Normally I'd have said
  nothing, but as he expounded fulsome details of
  all that 0-60 crap, I couldn't help but mutter
  sourly: 'Yeah, but the seats are too low and
  clutch is an utter bitch.' Bloke shot me a look
  of smug contempt, gave the Ferrari's boot a
  little fatherly pat and said: 'Well I think I
  know more about this kind of car than you do
  "mate".' The inverted commas clanged with
  sarcasm. Right up to when I haughtily unlocked
  the car, threw in the Boots bag and pulled away.
  Even better, he kind of froze up in cringe, so
  stayed leant on the boot until it turned into
  empty air. One of Those Blokes, arse first onto
  the tarmac? Lovely." (IChewCandlewax)


  >> This week's question: Little Victories <<
  Nothing feels better than a cheque from the
  Inland Revenue for £2.40 of overpaid tax. Tell
  us of your own trivial victories:
http://b3ta.com/questions/littlevictories/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Should I work for free? <<
  Handy chart to consult when somebody approaches
  you to do some work, with no financial
  compensation. And they always, always do.
http://www.shouldiworkforfree.com/


  >> Make your own "Barbara Streisand" song? <<
  You know that annoying song that just goes on
  and on then the bloke says "Barbara Streisand"?
  Well now you can make your own, with words of
  your choosing. And it will be just as annoying.
http://goo.gl/GIv2D


  >> Buses on screen <<
  Could this be the geekiest website ever? It's a
  lofty claim, but here's your one-stop resource
  for information related to bus appearances in
  the cinema or on television.
http://www.busesonscreen.net/screen/screen.htm


  >> Tracking down Anonymous <<
  Older readers may remember Anonymous, the
  ominous hivemind of hackers, trolls and madness
  that laps the edges of cyberspace. Here's the
  cautionary tale of one man's bid to infiltrate
  and identify their leaders. 
http://tinyurl.com/6xhleht


  >> Soundcloud visualiser <<
  Visualisers have a hypnotic effect on us, so we
  awoke from checking this out with dried drool
  on our chin. Anyway, you can link it to your
  favourite tuneage to see what it looks like.
http://www.apexvj.com/


  >> Queen Mum's book of remembrance <<
  Excerpted tributes to the great woman, after
  she died in 2002. We remember this going down,
  as there was an ongoing competition on the
  popbitch messageboard to come up with the most
  offensive entry.
http://bit.ly/fBB55L


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Funny line here

  >> "Yup" <<
  TrololololololoREMIX. Disturbing.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Yup


  >> Stewart Lee talks Top Gear <<
  One of the world's finest stand-ups talks
  painful death for the popular motoring show
  presenters. 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Stewart_Lee_on_Top_Gear


  >> Bob Dylan wrote every song of the last 35 years <<
  And here's the documentary proof:
http://youtu.be/MumScDIZMJc


  >> Micro Men - Micro Mix <<
  Swede Mason-esque re-edit of tribute to
  80's-era computing. "Jet Set Fucking Willy!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Micro_Men_Micro_Mix


  >> Dubstep bank ad <<
  Vastly improved redub of that twattish bank ad
  where they all pretend to be whacky DJs. "ISA
  ISA baby" indeed.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Halifax_remix


  >> Playmobil Joy Division <<
  Pushing the envelope on what can be recreated
  via retro toys, a shot perfect recreation of
  their first moment on TV, dubbed to the audio
  of the broadcast, complete with introduction by
  the late, great Tony Wilson. A work of love.
http://bit.ly/i9LC4O 


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Like normal names, only rude

  * HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE EXPRESSION "CUNT
  HAMMER"? - trust us, it's a phrase: it's on
  Urban Dictionary! Here's an actress with a
  similar name in French:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0539981/

  * COMPANY NAME AT ODDS WITH COMPANY PHONE
  NUMBER - or maybe 'so wrong it's right'
  memorable marketing.
http://twitpic.com/3vplbc 

  * A SCHOOL NAME SO RUDE - that they use the IP
  address to get to it through naughty word
  firewalls. Might be easier to just change the
  name of the school.
http://62.233.95.44/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Song Title Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to provide literal
  interpretations of song titles
 
  Your favourites included:
 
  * JIMI - fantastic juxtaposition of incendiary
  guitarist and cow fodder (The Hedghehog From
  Hell)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10323855

  * BOB - hot domestic feline science fiction
  action (yanmania...)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10326322

  * GEORGE - Britain's leading celebrity driver
  beats his juice (littlefish)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10324036


  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/literalsongtitles/


  >> New challenge: Promote Britain <<
  With the coalition thinking of moving May Day
  to October to lengthen the tourist season, what
  else could be done advertise this great
  country? Challenge suggested by monkeyboyalpha
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/britishtourism/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * CON-DEM PINUP CALENDAR IN DAILY STAR - The UK
  tabloid went big on Waspbox & asciifaceofbob's
  sexy political calendar, as seen here last week.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/589303


  * BEN WHEATLEY WINS AWARD FOR BEING AWESOME -
  Massive congratulations to Ben Wheatley for
  winning Best Newcomer prize at the Evening
  Standard Film Awards for a "rare and confident
  type of film-making that promises only good
  things in future."
http://goo.gl/Z7Oi2


  * B3TA'S QOTWS IN EBOOK FORMAT -
  fredthedeadhead writes, "Over the weekend I
  decided to spruce up my ebook reader by adding
  some of the old Questions of the Week to it.
  However, bulk downloading was a pain, and
  impossible to set the metadata for each
  individually. So I wrote a program to do it!
  Here's the result of the first (incomplete)
  batch. It's in epub format and even includes
  images."
http://www.mediafire.com/?eitl5e44cd1tzmw


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: WHY ALCOHOL MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE SHIT
  And why this won't be solved

  Neurostatic writes, "Alcohol gives you a
  hangover mostly because it is a 'primary
  alcohol'. This means that when it is broken
  down it mostly turns into a poisonous chemical,
  ethaldehyde, then into a slightly less
  poisonous one, ethanoic acid. If the alcohol
  ingested was 'tertiary' then it would not be
  possible to metabolise and would simply be
  excreted whole.

  "Sadly (or not, depending on your point of
  view), if alcohol were invented today it would
  be covered by the Misuse of Drugs Act, because
  of its potential to 'cause a social problem'
  and be 'misused'. This also covers any proposed
  substitutes.

  "Not to mention the alcohol industry, which has
  a surprisingly strong influence on drug and
  alcohol policy, wouldn't entertain the idea for
  more than a minute.

  "The most promising substitute is one already
  found in small amounts in the brain. The body
  'knows' exactly how to break it down and as
  such it lasts about 2 hours and produces no
  hangover. Called GHB, it was banned in 2003,
  and another version was banned in 2009. It is
  still available on prescription as an alcohol
  addiction treatment and a sleep medication."


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: FRIDAY GAME
  Space Cannibals

  Space Cannibals is a game by @Matttound. Your
  Ginger Furher helped out by writing a song you
  only hear if you pass about 12 levels. Bet you
  don't hear it! (that's a challenge btw.)
http://goo.gl/mOfdL

  BONUS GAME! WHAT'S YOUR STREET AGE? Seeing as
  promoting our own work is a bit lame, here's
  another game that impressed us this week. It's
  a multiple choice video thing for you to work
  out your "street age" - although everyone
  playing it seems to come out aged 38 - it's a
  very impressive, immersive and well acted bit
  of work.
http://bit.ly/gNYTQ1


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something ZOMGAMAZAGASM and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * REFRESHER / RENNIE SCIENCE EXPERIMENT -
  Ted_Rex claims, "I always like those refresher
  sweets, cheaper than antacid tablets but more
  tasty and just as effective." Can somebody do a
  double blind controlled test please?

  * MY BIG FAT GEEK WEDDING - a reality show
  where keen internet users get married dressed
  as Klingons etc.

  * DELAYED EMAILS - rtyronejones asks, "Someone
  pls invent a device which saves emails to send
  them out in the morning so you don't seem like
  an insomniac workaholic nut."


  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  Cuddles:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Uncuddles:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by @mattround,
  NortonWalker, Vulva, nickie72, somegraybloke,
  Fuzzyjumpers, Linbox, DaveExclamationMark, Tab
  Hunter, jamesthegill, James Tong, ambergambler,
  Mr_Kipling_, TheMichaelMoran, editorialgirl,
  Top Tippery by sandettie light vessel
  automatic.  Additional linkage and image
  challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW
  bloke. Subjlols via the ever-fragrant
  @mushybees, with the runner-up tory line from
  @TheRangeLoner, and we also bunged in the
  ginger fuhrer line from Harry Robinson.
  
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  TOP TIP:
  Give yourself a rather sweaty arse by
  fabricating some underwear from an electric
  blanket and sit watching TV all evening.

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