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NEWSLETTER: "WE LIKE N. KOREA, AND WE LIKE S. KOREA. BUT WHICH IS BETTER? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT..."

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This Week:
* ZOMBIES - in retroland
* CATS - in festive wrapping
* KUNT - for Xmas #1

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________  ____ __  ___  "We're looking at pics
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  of pretty schoolgirls
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  throwing rocks at the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   police... together"

B3ta online turd no' 456 - 26 Nov 2010

456 is a very pleasing number to type. Try it.
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue456/

Gillian McKeith:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Ben Goldacre:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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: SPONSORED LINK
  Retro porn t-shirts

  Modern porn is a bit grim isn't it? Everything
  shaved, and the women looking like
  silicone-inflated meth junkies. Hark back to a
  happier time when women looked like real
  women, but wearing more make-up and tartier
  clothes, and celebrate this by sticking them
  all over your chest. 10% disc code for B3tans:
  XXXNOV
http://bit.ly/bzJA2f


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? You can't have it. It's special.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Zombies, iPhone and Tories

  >> 8-Bit zombies <<
  We are trying to think of some kind of clever
  joke about being "ate" by the undead, so try
  not to get "bit". In the meantime, enjoy
  Faceburger's splendid lo-fi zombie outbreak.
http://goo.gl/AFeWX


  >> Amazing iPhone stunts <<
  "I taped my iPhone to a remote-controlled car
  and hit the Record button - enjoy the stunts!"
  pipes Philipp Lens, who is clearly MADE OF
  MONEY to muck around with his phone like this.
  To be honest, he made us want to try it
  ourselves. But we'd definitely want to add
  some sort of padding before hurling an
  expensive bit of kit onto a concrete floor.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdErFWzitew


  >> Sir Ian Bowler's Final Tape? <<
  "This video, just released by the police, was
  found in the wreckage of a fire extinguisher
  outside Millbank Tower on the 11th November,"
  intones Natt, of this secret Tory tape.
http://b3ta.com/links/Sir_Ian_Bowlers_Final_Tape

  Oh, also, here's Natt's Spectator article on
  #twitterjoketrial. We like Natt - he's an
  interesting chap.
http://goo.gl/NEdyX


-------------------------------------------------

: BONUS SPONSORED ADVERTISING
  Remember Battlezone?

  Back to the 80's! Vector graphics at their
  best - Tanks! for the iPhone/iPad, Android and
  Palm is the only Battlezone clone you need.
http://bit.ly/ig3TE6


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: KUNT FOR CHRISTMAS NUMBER 1
  Let's get the most offensive number 1 ever  

  B3ta is supporting one track for Christmas
  number 1, and one track alone. Though we've
  been asked to support at least five so far, we
  don't want to split the b3tan vote, so GO TEAM
  KUNT!
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=106114816120104


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Unusual Talents

  Last week we asked for your unusual talents.
  Look away now if you can't stand photos of
  bendy fingers:
http://b3ta.com/questions/talent/

  * "I can get an entire Magnum into my mouth in
  one go. Somewhat foolishly, I was once
  persuaded to demonstrate this whilst sitting
  outside a pub on Canal Street in Manchester
  and spent the rest of the afternoon declining
  very polite but ultimately unwelcome offers of
  companionship." (davywavy)
     
  * "I work with troubled youths. One of my
  talents is my unique approach to de-escalating
  aggressive kids. One situation involved me
  walking into a room with a kid armed with a
  kitchen chair standing on a table while two
  youth workers tried to talk him down. My
  weapon? A cookbook. The suspicious child
  inquired as to what the fuck I expected to
  accomplish with the book? I proceeded to read
  recipes for twenty minutes until the kid said
  enough was enough and that he'd get down."
  (dazbrilliantwhites)
     
  * "I can see in 3D - so bollocks to you Sony."
  (Biff...)


  >> This Week's Question: Dad stories <<
  Tell us your Dad stories, be they about your
  own dads or fatherhood itself.
http://b3ta.com/questions/dad/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Bum covers for dogs <<
  The official B3ta wife is often offended by
  the site of the offical B3ta cat's ringpiece.
  She says, "Can't we make Rocky wear pants?"
  Help is finally at hand.
http://goo.gl/TK1Wy


  >> Monster Supplies shop <<
  Maybe renting shop space is really cheap at
  the moment but we're seeing lots of mental
  shops popping up at the moment. This one looks
  utterly charming and something worth abducting
  children for, just to see the delight in their
  tiny eyes. (Although the abduction bit might
  upset them, so we suggest a rohypnol in their
  Happy Meal.)
http://goo.gl/D7mij


  >> Anonymous answer phone message music <<
  People leave answerphone messages. Music is
  made from them. Surprisingly moving. The one
  about the suicide of a 13 year old boy made us
  stop listening and feel depressed. (The site
  can use that as a quote if they want.) Would
  be interesting to combine this idea with a bit
  of autotuning.
http://onehelloworld.com/


  >> Dante's inferno - scientist remix <<
  Not the most visually-exciting bit of work,
  but stick with it as it explains well, for us
  types outside of the scientific community, the
  issues that get them riled. BTW: We'd be 6 and
  9th levels of hell for our Geography GCSE
  coursework.
http://goo.gl/0Dki1


  >> Best of Instapaper 2010 <<
  iPhone owners! If you're not bored already of
  using it to film yourself having a wee (we did
  this the other day, drunk, then felt disgusted
  with ourselves and the tip of our manhood
  creeping in the bottom of the frame, so
  deleted it), then you need Instapaper. A cute
  little 'read later' app that allows you to
  select stories off the web that are too
  lengthy to be enjoyed at work (like our penis)
  and should be saved for the trip home (again
  like our penis, natch.)
http://goo.gl/EBE0l


  >> Fake blogger outed <<
  Serious business internet stuff, and when
  there's an online scrap, B3ta is there to link
  away like rubberneckers at a carcrash. We'd
  never heard of callgirl and blogger Alexa
  DiCarlo until she was outed as a fake and a
  man, but we spent a good couple of hours
  finding out more.
http://exposeabro-alexa.blogspot.com/


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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  It sounds a bit Jewish. This makes the title witty.

  >> Dog of light <<
  Pretty stop-motion animation sees a glowing
  dog wander the late-night streets of Oxford,
  doing what it is that a dog does best.
http://www.vimeo.com/17087679


  >> Defenestration the Movie <<
  Defenestration is, of course, the gentle art
  of chucking people through windows. Here's a
  good five minutes of strangely cathartic
  glass-shattering action.
http://vimeo.com/16611269


  >> PVC pipe player <<
  Guy builds his own instrument out of piping
  then does incredible things with it. The
  finale is excellent.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D2o8F2MOuI


  >> "Dear Richard Dawkins" <<
  Dickie Dawkins and chums snigger over some
  choice pickings of the great man's hatemail.
  Steve Jobs should do the same. Infact everyone
  famous should do this.
http://b3ta.com/links/Dear_Richard_Dawkins


  >> "Stumpy Strikes Back" <<
  Amputee porn with a soft rock soundtrack. VERY
  NSFW and a big thanks to Rob for making me
  watch this whilst eating my lunch. WARNING.
  NSFW.  NSFW.  NSFW.  NSFW.  NSFW.  NSFW. 
  NSFW. NSFW.  NSFW.
http://vimeo.com/13331173


  >> How to wrap a cat <<
  Incredibly soppy cat lets himself be covered
  in festive wrapping paper - very cute!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jm3dm5J5r0A


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER
  Tron goatse

  "Dear b3ta," writes Olly Farrell. "Are ye
  aware of the blatant goatse on the new Total
  Film?" Wow, that is quite an in-your-face
  goatse.
http://yfrog.com/3m35w0j


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE

  Results from the Inappropriate Memorabilia
  Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to invent bad taste
  souvenirs.

  Your favourites included:

  * 9/11 - poignantly-designed executive toy
  commemorating the death of thousands (dog day
  sunrise)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10256480

  * HINDENBURG - famous zeppelin disaster
  remembered with a fancy new cologne (Paper 'n
  Pencil)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10255799

 * DIANA - the People's Princess may be
   compost, but she'll never leave our
   hearts (drbroon)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/10255657


  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/merch/


  >> New challenge: Shakespeare <<
  The Royal Shakespeare Theatre is re- opening
  after its very expensive refurbishment. Let's
  help them celebrate by re-interpreting the
  works of Shakespeare, and by 'shopping The
  Bard himself, forsooth.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/shakespeare/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * CAT COLLAR BOTTLE OPENER - Skotzmun writes,
  "Why not fit one of those magnetic cat-flaps
  so your cat has a little magnet round its
  neck. The bottle-opener is then firmly held in
  place, yet still easy to detach. It will work
  - one of our cats has wandered round the
  living room with a fork attached to his. Took
  a couple of minutes until we could get it off
  him 'cos we were laughing at him too much. The
  other frequently comes in with various metal
  detritus attached... we're hoping he'll find
  the ferrous equivalent of a £43 million
  Chinese Vase. Oh... and we bought metal food
  bowls too. The temptation was just too much.
  Dinnertime now resounds to the much loved
  "nom-nom-nom-nom-*chlikk* " as the bowl jumps
  up to spang the cat in the face. BTW, we do
  love our cats... honestly."

  * CAT COLLAR BOTTLE OPENER 2 - twiceydrinker
  writes, "As students we put one of the
  old-style bottle opener rings on our dog's
  collar - worked in a similar manner to the one
  proposed. Feeding the dog a beer also helps
  him to be much more well-behaved and nearer
  when you want your next bottle open."
http://goo.gl/vs8Ly


  * B3TAN DOES A BOOK - Scaryduck writes,
  "B3ta's deputy QOTW bloke Scaryduck has a new
  book out with a not-entirely-genuine foreword
  by North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il. He claims
  it's the Best Thing Ever."
http://tinyurl.com/iamnotmad


  * GINGER FUHRER MAKES MISERABLE MUSIC IN THE
  MIDDLE OF NIGHT - and we're hiding it at the
  bottom as we sort of want a few people to hear
  what we're up to, but also don't want to get
  the haters screaming, "This is shit! You left
  out my brilliant project to link to this shit!
  I HATE YOU."
http://robmanuel.posterous.com/width-of-a-womb  


   * HELP MATAZONE FIND A NETHERLANDIAN ANIMATOR
   - Mata writes, "I've got a favour to ask: I'm
   looking for a professional Flash animator
   based in the Netherlands who could come and
   give a talk at my university. These days I
   teach games design in Breda, which is in the
   south of Holland, and I'm teaching a course
   on Flash animation. It would be really good
   for my students if they could have a
   professional Flash animator come in and give
   them a talk for 1-2 hours about their working
   life. Tips for animation, finding and dealing
   with clients, what their daily routine is,
   deadlines, Flash libraries, working in a
   studio, sound effects... Anything that they
   think would make an interesting talk. People
   can contact me on here using this link:"
http://www.b3ta.com/gaz/write/5952


-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
  Advanced Pigeon Simulator and Up/Down game

  >> Sky rats <<
  Apparently this is a real game and there's
  strategy and stuff, but we just liked flying
  about and making 'coo coo' noises.
http://flylikeabird.bbgames.com/


  >> Fuck knows, mentalism <<
  Catbrain writes, "Here's a top tip for you:
  Creative b3tans: Don't bother contributing
  anything you've actually spent time making
  yourself for the newsletter.. chances are it
  won't get shown, in favour of recycled links
  from www.boingboing.net anyway. Me bitter? (Or
  maybe my stuff's just shit.)" Hmm, well
  digging through Catbrain's work there was some
  ad that was okayish but not our bag. However,
  we did like their suggestion of featuring this
  game, that has a guest appearance of Weebl's
  Amazing Horse if you play it long enough.
http://goo.gl/IGwOX


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * WORLD'S BIGGEST PHLEGM BUBBLE - Ours
  normally burst on our lips before they reach
  an inch, and then dribble down our chin.

  * NICK CLEGG ON SUICIDE WATCH - Surely all
  this hate is getting to him? He's visibly aged
  10 years in 10 weeks.

  * WALK AROUND WITH A HUGE PICTURE OF JIMMY
  WALES STRAPPED TO YOUR FOREHEAD - and see if
  people give you money.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  Badgers:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Wasps:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by
  @danielbevis, Too late for the newsletter,
  carly291287, Jake-of-all-Trades,
  ElectricSpectre, Matt Round, whitebum, Dave!
  vandal, djlumpyrulesok, @rsracing, scaryducky,
  giftedweasel, @TheoEsc. Top Tippery by leo at
  bind. Additional linkage and image challenge
  by Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Subjlols via  The Great Architect. BTW: Duran
  Duran have a new album cover that's
  craptacular - they actually paid money for
  this? Tee hee. http://goo.gl/8Bs65

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  TOP TIP:
  When laundering bedding, seal the duvet cover
  before washing it to make sure smaller items
  don't get trapped inside it and stop it from
  drying properly.
  

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