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This Week:
* VIDEO - Joel makes a bacon rocket 
* HOMEOPATHY - And why we love it
* QUESTION ON GINGERS - Goes badly

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "B3ta closed by the BBC     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   to save £8 per year"
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   

B3ta chainmail 418 - 5 Mar 2010

Read this issue out load on the train:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue418/

           USB:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    Firewire:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  USB Guitar Cable
  
  Every time we don't flog an ad in the newsletter
  we link to our last purchase on Amazon in the
  hope of picking up a couple of affiliate
  pennies. This week we've bought a USB cable for
  our guitar in the hope we can plug it in directly
  and use Garageband as an effects box. Will it
  work? We'll tell you next week. Exciting.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B001Q2ZBVY/b3ta-21


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  We can't afford to feed our children. Please help.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Other than playing pocket billiards

  >> Bacon Rocket <<
  "Hey dude," gleets Veitch, "New thing for this
  week is the bacon rocket." Rather than the
  expected crudely-fashioned gif of his
  genitalia, it turns out this week Joel and his
  highly-trained pork enthusiasts have genuinely
  fashioned a real rocket, for real, from bacon,
  sausage, toast, gunpowder and win. Then they
  launch it out of the kitchen door. Mrs Joel is
  less than pleased.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Bacon_Rocket


  >> Homeopathy vs Science - a Metaphor <<
  "I tried to sum up the whole homeopathy vs
  science debate using a simple metaphor,"
  explains Jaffa The Cake. Just don't come
  running to us when you need someone to
  homeopath your arm back on.
http://www.jakearchibald.co.uk/homeopathy/


  >> Dear BBC <<
  "So BBC 6 and Asian Network are facing the
  chop," muses Dan Bull. "I have written a
  musical letter to the BBC to voice my concerns.
  I wonder if they'll show this on Points of
  View?" Well they might, as Dan has already been
  invited onto Sky News over this song. Gosh the
  internet moves quickly these days.
http://snurl.com/bbc6song


  >> Trippy money arty thing <<
  "For the last two years I've been stamping UV
  skulls over the Queen's face on all the money
  that I get out of the cash-point," confesses
  shardcore. "There's now thousands of
  pounds-worth floating around the UK economy." 
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Money_thats_what_I_want:2


  >> Ransack your dignity <<
  "I did all my clubbing in the early 90's when
  there weren't digital cameras or Facebook,"
  explains this site's owner. "I did some dumb
  shit while drunk, but it wasn't all over the
  interwebs to haunt me the next morning. Unlike
  these poor sods." Let's all laugh at people
  younger than ourselves, going out at night and
  having a good time. Ha! The dolts.
http://www.RansackYourDignity.com


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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Gingers

  Last week we asked for your experiences of
  gingerism. Your Ginger Fuhrer was genuinely
  interested, but it seems most of you wanted to
  either protest, tell ginger jokes or show off
  your tits:
http://b3ta.com/questions/ginger/


  Most of your activity seems to have been 
  discussing Exempt's blatant exhibitionism,
  but her fantastic "insult bingo" card more
  than makes up for it:
http://snurl.com/myjingoitsbingo


  >> This Week's: Unwritten letters <<
  We'd like your undelivered letters: apologies,
  anger, declarations of love and the things you
  want to say to people, but can't or didn't get
  the chance to. Write to them here:
http://b3ta.com/questions/letterstheywillneverread/


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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Re-pink your labia <<
  Older women - worried about colour-loss in your
  special ladies' region? Well maybe you should
  worry. And then ease those worries by
  purchasing a pot of this... vagina paint?
http://snurl.com/unshabbieryourlabia


  >> Great response to stupid Facebook status <<
  Pretty much what it says in the title. A
  surprisingly long-ish read and NSFW with
  swearing, if your boss is some sort of
  atom-freak with microscope vision.
http://i.imgur.com/2nw4x.png


  >> The people of the London School of Economics <<
  "The London School of Economics has put photos
  of the staff online from the early 90's,"
  explains Kevin Meredith. Lovely collection of
  classic nerds.
http://snurl.com/holdbackladiestheyremarried


  >> How programming books used to look <<
  These days a codey manual probably has some
  bearded numpty on it, or a line drawing of an
  elk. The 1980s was a better place:
http://bit.ly/ZRQv


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  Go to google translate. Type in "lick".
  Translate it into Arabic. Copy the third one
  down in the verb column and paste it into the
  area where you type. Translate it back to
  English. We laughed.

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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Like ceefax but with a back button

  >> OK GO + Budget = win <<
  The kings of Youtube are back with another of
  their OMG-did-you-see-that videos that makes
  you wish they were as good songwriters as they
  are video directors. BTW: Our new one-size-fits-
  all insult we lay on our songwriting web-mong
  friends is, "Hey, you're the chaps with the
  treadmills. I love you guys." 
http://bit.ly/aNDaY6


  >> Australian Stutter rap <<
  Readers of a certain age will remember Morris
  Minor and the Majors and their sublime Beastie
  Boys parody Stutter Rap. But like every joke in
  this world, it's done better by Australians. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGskbHVTC1s


  >> One of those upload your face vids <<
  But a fun one, partly because it's so over the
  top and the idea of being popular in Sweden is
  our kind of popular.
http://en.tackfilm.se/


  >> Trololololololololololo <<
  A grinning robot lip-syncs babble at you, in an
  impossibly cheesy lounge version of hell.
  Welcome to 1970 Soviet light entertainment and
  the musical stylings of Edward Hill. The new
  Rick Roll? Certainly the most-sent-in-link this
  week anyway.
http://trololololololololololo.com/


  >> Bananas exploding on face <<
  Performance art meets slapstick. WTF.
http://snurl.com/bangnana


  >> Susan Boyle in Japan <<
  Is it racist to like this Asian remake of the
  legendary Susan Boyle discovery clip? Japanese
  SuBo and Japanese Simon Cowell are very
  convincing. Japanese Piers Morgan is...
  frightening.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Susan_Boyle_In_Japan


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: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Still about as funny as cancer
  
  * FANNY CUNT - It's a real name. Just check the
  1891 census!
http://www.your-family-history.com/c/cunt-family-history.php


  * DIRTY CHEMISTS - Filthy molecule structure:
http://pubs.acs.org/doi/abs/10.1021/ic0352250


  * BONE PAPERCLIPS - From above they look like
  adorable doggy bones. From below... eh, not so
  much.
http://snurl.com/bonerclips


  * THE BRIAN - Schoolboy error from 'Cardiff's
  largest FE College'. Check the pic just above
  the link for dyslexia support.
http://snurl.com/brainsthebrains


  * BLAXPLOITATION BISCUITS - "I just bought
  these from the shop downstairs," beams
  GTA. "I believe they are from Turkey."
http://snurl.com/thistakesthebiscuit


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Hospitals Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to make Hospitals
  dangerous

  Your favourites included:
 
  * VOTE - political satire at its most
    sharp from the aptly named (Damocles)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9933429

  * PONY - in which Jeremy The Annoying
    Horse  goes in for an operation (Fresh 
    Water Mole )
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9934291

  * HULK - we're not sure what's going on, 
    here, or why it's relevant, but it sure 
    is spectacular (Faceburger)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9935682


    All these images, and the highest as
    voted by you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/hospitals/


  >> New challenge: Superheroes in History <<
  Superheroes are immortal and never appear 
  to age, so lets show them as we know 
  them, but throughout history: defending 
  the Victorians, protecting dinosaurs and 
  dining in the court of Henry the 8th.
  Challenge suggested by PhillieJoe
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/superheroesinhistory/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * SPAMMER REVENGE - earlier this week someone
  spammed the board and your Ginger Fuhrer was
  bored so he turned it into a jingle / video
  because they say, "write about what you know."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/You_are_a_Spamming_Cunt:2



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: FRIDAY GAME
  Sushi Cat
  
  Cute, silly game where your aim is to drop the
  pleasingly squishy main character until there's
  no more sushi left for him to eat.
http://www.freewebarcade.com/game/sushi-cat/


  >> BONUS: Super-annoying wordy game <<
  "Two and a bit years ago you guys featured my
  SUPER LETTER GAME," boasts Catfurnace. "I've
  finally got off my arse and made a follow up -
  the even more annoying WORD SHOOT. It'd be
  awesome to be featured again, especially as I'm
  job hunting."
 http://www.lawriecape.co.uk/wordshoot/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * BRIAN BLESSED SATNAV - Rich writes, "I am
  attempting to bring to the world the Brian
  Blessed Sat Nav. I have to admit to a certain
  amount of self interest, in that I want one.
  Bad. Not a stupid third rate "impersonation"
  sat nav, but proper Brian. In my car. Shouting
  directions with slightly bewildered gleeful
  beardiness." So if you want this to happen
  please join Rich's Facebook group. BTW: We once
  had a similar fantasy about getting William
  Shatner to voice our "ShatNav".
http://snurl.com/facebookgrpoooooop

  * AN EXTRA SOUND PROOFED ROOM FOR PLAYING THE
  DRUMS - we've always fancied learning the drums
  but never lived anywhere where this would be
  practical. Why should life be so cruel?

  * STRANGLEWANK THE FLASH GAME - some kind of
  balancing act between passing out and
  masturbation. You work out the details because
  we're too busy.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  Unsubscribe:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

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  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by via pickspicks,
  fgrainger, ransackyourdignity, Kantia,
  simonbadger, jdkpummel, planearm, Rainbow Dave,
  Darklord, Splather, imoen_uk,
  monkeyseemonkeydo, Diamondflamer. Additional
  linkage and image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
  Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Sickipedia via MICK
  THE MAG. Love to Splather's mother. Top tip via
  Spaff_Quaffer. Subjtrolling via
  theoriginalsteve. And @trullock, cm6051,
  @sumarumi, @ahughes1988 and  @TomUP.


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  TOP TIP:
  Can't get your drawer closed due to it being
  full of marital aids? You can save space by
  placing your cockrings onto your dildo, and
  storing your dildo inside your fleshlight.


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  Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure I have an
  abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine. 
http://www.sickipedia.org/

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