we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "THAT'S RIGHT - ANOTHER WEEK HAS FLOWN BY AND YOU'VE ACHIEVED NOTHING"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* REAL WORLD CHALLENGE - Rearrange stuff in shops
* COOKING - a guide to making black pudding
* NOT FEATURING - pleaserobme.com coz it's everywhere

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We're looking for the      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   right batteries for  
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    web... together"

B3ta email 416 - 19 Feb 2010

Squint at this issue on your mobile device:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue416/

     Marriage:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
    Divorce:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
  Spike Jonze's new film - free tickets

  ABSOLUT Vodka partnered with cult film maker
  Spike Jonze to make a 30 minute movie to show
  that ‘ordinary is no place to be’. The result
  was a love story between 2 robots. Tickets to
  premiere screenings in out of the ordinary
  locations available here:
http://snurl.com/spikejonzeyeah


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Please buy some advertising as it means we can
  afford to to take time off from client work and
  actually do some newsletter stuff. 
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Blood, Sales, Music, Brucie and YouTube Roulette

  >> Home-made black pudding <<
  "Hi dude!" croons a gore-spattered Joel Veitch.
  "Just made some black pudding! Yeah! Blood and
  fat!" Yes, dear reader, this is one of the most
  disturbing things you will see this week - Joel
  cheerily singing to a bucket of congealing
  pigs' blood before cooking and eating it.
http://www.rathergood.com/black_pudding


  >> Sally Sells You Stuff <<
  "Here's a new project by my neighbour and me,"
  explains Philipp. Not a bad money-spinning
  scheme this - whimsical weekly web comic about
  a lady trying to sell gadgets, followed by the
  chance to buy said quality item on eBay.
http://sallysellsyoustuff.com/


  >> Charming retro vid <<
  "Just finished this silly video for a tune I
  put together last year," breathes mozza. Its
  endearingly retro style nods to both The Good
  Life and Bod.
http://snurl.com/hornmaster5


  >> Brucie! <<
  An overheated Bruce Forsyth breaks loose from
  the home, in an unstoppable tap-dance rampage.
  "Finally, 5 months after I made it for them,
  the BBC have uploaded it to their website,"
  sighs Cyriak. "I was beginning to think this
  video would be forever locked away in Brucie's
  dungeon."
http://cyriak.co.uk/blog/?p=124


  >> Swap a youTube video with stranger <<
  If you're the kind of brave soul who enjoys
  chatroulette, perhaps you might like to try
  exchanging a youTube video with a random
  stranger. "Not Safe For Work," warns creator
  Bobsworth. "Because you don't know what you'll
  get!"
http://www.py.bobsworthindustries.com/youtubeswap/


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Mums

  A cavalcade of mothers, each madder than the
  last (except perhaps thatblokeoverthere's solid
  gold brick of a mum):
http://b3ta.com/questions/mums/

  * CARDS - "I'm the youngest of three. To make
  us play together, my parents held family game
  sessions every week or so. As this was the 80s,
  this was a board game or some cards. All five
  of us were round the kitchen table playing
  cards when a 6 and a 9 appeared side by side.
  "69!" My sister giggled to our older brother,
  pointing at the cards. "Gahfaw," he chuckled...
  and I just looked scared, as I had only learned
  recently what a 69 was. "Whah?" My mum seemed
  confused... "What is it?" "Sixty-nine, mom! You
  know... look at the numbers. One up, one down,
  curvy bits" My sister made gestures with her
  hands, and gave a 'say no more' wink. And then
  my mum grabbed my father's shoulder with a big
  grin and let fly with a comment that will leave
  me scarred for life, "Oh honey! The kids have a
  name for it!" (macdumpy)
     
  * CAKE - "My mum made a cake once. Fuck knows
  how she managed it. All afternoon there had
  been much clanging and banging and whirring,
  and that weird rustley sifting noise you get
  from paper bags filled with sugar and flour.
  And then the final solid thump of the oven door
  closing, she emerged from the kitchen, beaming
  like a pixie. Later that day, when the main
  course had been eaten and the plates carried
  away, she brought in her construction on a big
  round plate, and us three hungry sons sat round
  it, licking lips. It was a fruit loaf. My
  oldest brother was given the honour of cutting
  it. He steadied himself at the table, and
  tentatively poked at the crust. It crumbled
  slightly, but didn't yield. So he pressed
  harder. And harder. Then he started to worm and
  twist the knife but it wouldn't budge; the cake
  was absolutely solid. Beads of sweat broke out.
  Eventually there was a snap, the blade pinged
  off and the handle of the knife came away in
  his hand. I laughed, my brother swore, my mum's
  bottom lip trembled and the dog looked on,
  hungry and bemused. So we took the cake outside
  to destroy it. The family car happily rolled
  over it, a hammer knocked a corner of it and
  the dog could do little more than making it
  reek of dog drool. It now sits on my brother's
  garage workbench, 18 years later, with a series
  of precise holes drilled in. It's a home-made
  oven-baked screwdriver-holder, just like Mum
  used to make." (Grrrmachine)
     
  * CUBA - "I went to Cuba a few years ago, to
  Guantanamo. Not the US base, but the area
  around it. My mum's words of wisdom? "Be
  careful if you go near that American base. You
  do go a bit middle-eastern looking in the sun
  and you know how stupid Americans are."
  (inflateable)


  >> This Week's Question <<
  Do you flirt with check-out girls just for the
  heck of it? Are you a check-out girl and flirt
  with sad-looking middle-aged men for fun? Are
  you Vernon Kay? Tell us about flirting triumphs
  and disasters:
http://b3ta.com/questions/flirting/


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Lady Gaga cookies <<
  Mixed feelings about Gaga at B3ta towers - her
  clothes are extraordinary and we enjoyed her
  monosyllabic-refuse-to-play-the-game interview
  on Jonathan Ross but we can't find much joy in
  her songs. In fact, we think they're a bit crummy:
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/43140129.html


  >> Crackhead pancakes <<
  We recently watched Withnail & I and amused
  ourselves imagining it remade as Withcakes & I
  with a big fatty delivering lines like, "I MUST
  HAVE SOME CAKE, I DEMAND TO HAVE SOME CAKE!"
  and "MY THUMBS HAVE GONE WEIRD, I"M IN THE
  MIDDLE OF A DIABETIC OVERDOSE". You know, the
  kind of crap French & Saunders used to do.
  Anyway, this is a similar mix of addiction
  imagery and sugar.
http://snurl.com/crackpancakes


  >> OK Cupid's latest data analysis <<
  OKCupid was started by the guys behind TheSpark
  - a site from yesteryear that was big on
  quizzes. The popularity of this prompted them
  to use it to start a dating site based on, you
  guessed it, quizzes. But the really interesting
  bit is that they're maths nerds and have been
  running a great blog pulling apart what they've
  learned. We've linked it before but this week
  we're loving their analysis that women are past
  their dating prime by 31 and for men it's 36.
  Really fascinating stuff, and also anyone in
  marketing could do a lot worse than picking up
  a few tips here - this is how to engage with an
  audience.
http://snurl.com/itslaterthanyouthink


  >> Loving shadyurl.com. Turn links shady! <<
  With the rise of Twitter we've seen the
  mainstreaming of URL-shortening services, but
  what about one that makes links to your
  mum's photos look as dodgy as fuck? 
http://www.shadyurl.com/


  >> She left me and I am a sad internet <<
  Imagine our question of the week stuff if it
  didn't have any jokes, took itself very
  seriously and had some rather gorgeous
  photography. Ladies and Gentlmens, this is
  Pictory.
http://www.pictorymag.com/showcases/one-who-got-away/


-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Where do the little men go when my computer is asleep?

  >> Russian strap-on tank <<
  Yes, we weren't expecting the title to take
  quite that turn either. Anyway here's a fully
  caterpillar-tracked chassis you can mount your
  commuter car onto, then advance across the
  tundra to Moscow. 
http://tinyurl.com/yged6b8


  >> Lacklustre tiger escape <<
  News reporter just can't get excited about
  Tokyo Zoo's 'escaped tiger' drill. And as for
  the tiger... that's special.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AJxzTzWNBM


  >> Dogman eats dinner <<
  Simple pleasures for simple minds, so we loled
  out loud at this bit of basic dog-based foolery.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Making_a_dogs_dinner_of_it


  >> Hexacopter <<
  Unconventional, high-speed model flying machine
  with six whirling blades. Inventors spend a
  minute and a half demonstrating awesome
  aerobatic coolness, then a further ten showing
  how it can automatically hover in one location.
http://www.wimp.com/thehexacopter/


  >> A brief history of everything <<
  Spectacular lo-fi animation of the entire
  history of the universe (best bits).
http://snurl.com/everythingflipbook


 >> Trolling the principal <<
  Smartarse teenagers Logan and Brandon deadpan
  rings round their earnest highschool principal,
  on some reality channel you've never heard of.
  Like Ant & Dec when they were still young and
  beautiful.
http://snurl.com/havefunatdinner


-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Not available as a book

  * KUM AND GO - babelglyph writes, "Friend of
  mine on a business trip spotted this
  conveniently-named convenience store." Take two
  bottles into the shower? Not me, I just want
  to...
http://www.kumandgo.com/


  * MR PROPER WANG - Matt Gardner writes,
  "Gentlemen, you're not going to BELIEVE the
  name of the guy in charge of manufacturing
  technology at Enics. Seriously, it has to be
  seen to be believed."
http://snurl.com/mrproperwang


-------------------------------------------------

: BONUS REAL WORLD CHALLENGE 
  Naughty shops

  We noticed a handful of you had been sneaking
  into shops and rearranging stuff to make rude
  messages. We feel it's our moral duty to
  encourage this sort of behaviour and have opened
  a special challenge. 
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/naughtyshop/popular/


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Greenwash Challenge

  Last week we wanted you to sell us some
  unlikely eco-friendly businesses

  Your favourites included:
 
  * FAGS - no matter how green you think you are,
  the cigarette manufacturers are doing a better
  job than you are (pete l'oaf)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9913788

  * SLICK - every oil spill has a silver lining
  (Snappyuk)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9915417

  * LEIA - even the Death Star succumbed to
  pressure from the environmental lobby
  (Barbarossa)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/9913971

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/greenwash/


  >> New challenge: Sci-Fi Advertising <<
  Advertising is oddly absent in our favourite
  space-based stories. Rectify this anomaly to
  show us what Luke, Darth, Obi Wan, Jean-Luc,
  Kirk, Spock, Riker, et al have sold to them
  through the medium of advertising.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/scifiadvertising/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * HISTORY-SPECIFIC EATING - Amos E Wolfe
  writes, "How about the 1970s - 'Poppins', which
  has several branches in the South East of
  England has a menu (and colour scheme)
  virtually unchanged since 1976, as can be seen
  on their menus."
http://www.poppinsrestaurants.co.uk/menu.htm


  * GOSH IS IT FUNNY, REALLY? Bernard writes,
  "I've been reading your newsletter for a few
  years now, and really enjoy it. I just wanted
  to point out something about one of your video
  posts in the latest (415) newsletter,
  specifically the 20th Century Fox flute video.
  It's actually a piece by a group called
  'Jostiband', which happens to be composed out
  of mentally-disabled people in the Netherlands.
  I found it hilarious at first, but it became
  slightly less funny when I realized who had
  made it!  I'm not sure this will change many of
  your regular readers' opinions, but I just
  wanted to make sure that you guys were aware."
http://www.jostiband.nl/opencms/en/theorchestra/music.html


-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
  Cyclomaniacs
  
  "A silly but fun cycling game", writes
  @edwardrussia, "I played it all week." And if
  you like games with unlockable achievements
  then gosh, is this the one for you.
http://www.kongregate.com/games/LongAnimals/cyclomaniacs


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * STAR AS AN EXTRA IN AS MANY FILMS AS POSSIBLE
  FOR 1 YEAR AND WRITE A BOOK - prompted by
  Fraser Lewry mentioning his cameo appearance 19
  seconds into this trailer of East is East. He's
  the long-haired gingery guy dancing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x14OlebWSCQ

  * THE EUROVISION HATE CONTEST - Noeaven Noel
  asks, "Using the awesome power of babelfish and
  google, can a script-wizard tell us which
  country hates which international celebrity the
  most in their own language? Apparently, Greece
  thinks Bono is a cunt more than anywhere else."

  * PEOPLE OF ASDA - Holly Would suggests,
  "Following on from the success of People of
  Wal-Mart, I believe a UK-based cousin is
  required to showcase the weirdos seen enjoying
  the rollbacks. Though it may be boring by
  comparison." 

  Send cash contributions via the mail form.
  Sorry, we mean links.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


-------------------------------------------------

  Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Unsubscribe:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by john, Almar, Paul
  Curry, Balloonhead, Martin P, @danielbevis,
  Michelle Obama's Stalker, [usernamegoeshere],
  @Pussstein, Additional linkage and image
  challenge by Fraser Lewry. Subjectline negging
  via  Griffy Savalas. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
  Sickilols via rock hard.
-------------------------------------------------

  I'm testing a new font that only paedophiles
  can read. How's it working so far?

  We also filmed our Sickipedia 3.1 comedy night
  which actually went really well, but we've had
  a few snotty comments about the videos. Oh well.
http://www.robmanuel.com/2010/02/15/sickipedia-3-1-videos/

next issue »
« previous issue