we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: "CUT OUT MY EYES, I'VE BOUGHT A GUIDE DOG!"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* MAPS - Rude place names 2.0
* AMAZON - Richard Littlejohn vandalism challenge
* GRAFITTI - Bestest QOTW evah!!!1111

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |       "We're making the 
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    poo-face... together"

B3ta shemale 276 - 11 May 2007

Read this issue with your cunt-eyes.
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue276/

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
-------------------------------------------------

: SPONSORED LINK
  The Shoes Donít Lie

  You could always play it safe. But safe doesnít
  ask 'where did you get the shoes?' Safe doesnít
  turn Tennis-Classic-Green with envy. Safe shows
  up twice in the same town. Choose from dozens
  of shoes; hundreds of colours; millions of
  possible combinations. Kiss safe goodbye.
http://snipurl.com/nike_id


  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Rude places, Doctor Who and Mr Biffo

  >> Rude place names <<
  Possibly one of the classic internet ideas:
  digging up locations with naughty names and
  plotting them on a map. Waynster has brought it
  up to date web-mash-up-stylee by combining this
  with Google-maps. As he says, "did you know
  there is an Anus in France? Or a Spanker in the
  US? A homo in Norway? It's all here."
http://snipurl.com/1jfq0


  >> Doctor Who nasties <<
  Thanks to Black Moon who's glued together some
  clips of Doctor Who, with David Tennant
  starring in another drama to create something
  that would make Russell T Davies spluff.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Doctor_Rude


  >> Mr Biffo results <<
  Last weeks we asked you for suggestions for
  ideas that Mr Biffo could draw. Over three
  hundred of you replied, the Bifster has picked
  his favourite five and we've stuck them up
  here. 
http://www.robmanuel.com/2007/05/04/mr-biffo-compo/


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
  Graffiti
  
  Last week we wanted graffiti that makes you
  laugh.
http://b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/

  We've picked out our favourite answers that had
  photos in, because we like to look at the
  pretty pictures. Anyway, these made us giggle:
  
  * THE CLAW
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post77970/

  * PARKING FOR ALL
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post79037/

  * NEW OLYMPIC SPORT?
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post79168/

  * MOST UNNEEDED GRAFFITI EVER
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post79297/

  * IT WORKED FOR JULIA ROBERTS
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post79314/

  * ANIMAL ABUSE IS BAD M'KAY
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/graffiti/post78507/


  >> This Week's Question <<
  We'd like your tales of work experience 
  placements. Our one is currently in the
  server room watching the network lights
  flash. What were you made to do?
http://b3ta.com/questions/workexperience/


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Richard Littlejohn <<
  For our slitty-eyed foreign readers: Littlejohn
  is a tabloid columnist of the "send them back"
  variety. He inspires loathing and yet his
  witterings are (sadly) some of the most widely
  read in the UK. The good news is that his
  Amazon reviews are 'going the way of the
  Hoff(tm)'. Three cheers to anyone else who
  joins in.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0091795680/b3ta-21


  >> Bulldog ear-glue <<
  We've recently learnt that sheep have long
  tails and farmers dock them, but did you know
  about the secret cult of bulldog ear-gluing?
  Made us raise an eyebrow anyway, which is more
  than these dogs could do.
http://www.bulldogsworld.com/glue.html


  >> Send Paris Hilton to Jail <<
  The most emailed-in link this week is the
  petition to jail Paris Hilton. Frankly we don't
  give a flying sausage, but as Kblackford
  writes, "for the love of god, post it in this
  weeks newsletter! I am an American and will be
  horribly pissed off/embarrassed if Paris Hilton
  doesn't go to jail.  Please urge all of your
  readers to sign the petition." Who are we to
  refuse?
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/jailparishilton/index.html


  >> NSFW linky of the week <<
  An anonymous reader writes, "this site is chock
  full of perversions and goatse video goodness!
  It's been my sole wanking material for a week
  now." You'll be looking at it from the gaps
  between your fingers.
http://populationpaste.com/blog/category/bizarre-insertions/


  >> Laser cut cake <<
  When geeks enter the kitchen, there's sure to
  be fireworks. What next? Custard in a particle
  accelerator? Marshmallows toasted with
  potassium? Er, our science training is so
  sloppy that we can't think of a third.
http://www.instructables.com/id/EL3L03V8OGEP286PNI/?ALLSTEPS


  >> Russian film posters <<
  Loving this collection of outsider art
  billboards to promote Hollywood films in the
  former Soviet Union. Fun is to be had in
  attempting to guess the badly drawn actors
  before reading the captions.
http://englishrussia.com/?p=897#more-897


-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  Sublines are for word-cripples

  >> Nudie Vid <<
  How to get people to watch your band's internet
  video clip? Substitute all of the musical
  instruments for naked girls. Not safe for work,
  if you're not into gratuitous nudity. The drum
  kit is particularly worthy of note.
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/532399/original_cast_what_am_i_supposed_to_do/


  >> Harrowing Hasselhoff <<
  A world away from his suave Knight Rider
  persona, here's a clip by the guy's daughter.
  He's drunk (again) in front of his kids and
  sunk in self-pity. It's  actually quite hard to
  watch.
http://snipurl.com/hoff_drunk_video


  >> Turkish Superman <<
  It's difficult to see quite where the budget
  went on this Kunt Films' Turkish remake of the
  super-hero blockbuster. It's certainly not the
  special effects, nor is it the wooden acting.
  Perhaps it's the plot, which seems entirely to
  involve Superman slowly walking towards people
  with guns.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9oI7Fd3Uec


-------------------------------------------------

: FUNNY NAME CORNER 
  Is this the lowest form of comedy?

  * MIKE HUNT'S CARS - Australian motor
  dealership or exhibitionist vaginal surgery
  gallery? You decide.
http://www.mikehuntscars.com.au/

  * GHEY TRANSPORT - Delivery direct to your door
  in fabulous style.
http://www.gheys.com/

  * MANLOVE FORENSICS - "From the Google-ads on
  my site," chortles B3tard Jangle, "Honestly,
  it's not what you think."
http://www.manloveforensics.co.uk/


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Cockney Challenge

  Last week we wanted to see visualisations
  of Cockney Rhyming Slang.

  Your favourites included:
 
  * ANATOMY - A veritable feast of delicious 
    cockney slang (dbroon)

  * WANK - Quick! Hide! The Nazis are 
    coming! (Mighty Nibus)

  * BONE - Deeply unpleasant rendering of the 
    classic Cockney phone call (Donkey Gums)

    All these images, and the highest as
    voted by you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/giraffe/


  >> New challenge: Top Trumps <<
  We all played Top Trumps as kids, whiling away
  the hours comparing the top speeds of sports
  cars and the weight of mammals. But it's time
  the game was brought into the 21st Century, so
  design some new cards... Challenge suggested by
  Scaryduck.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/toptrumps/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * WANKING ON PLANES - our brief mention last
  week brought a flood of confessions including
  blue_ewe who writes, 'When I was 16 and on my
  first ever plane journey I decided to pop into
  the toilet for a little stress relief. This
  came in handy a few years later when I was at a
  job interview and we were doing the "go round
  the group, tell us an interesting fact about
  yourself" thing. Made everyone crack up with
  laughter. Didn't get the job though.' Also in
  the interests of naming and shaming, here's a
  list of other aerowankers: Tony Redclaws,
  mattcox303, Nostrilsack, and Joanna Hubris.


  * PHONE CAMERA REMOTE CONTROL TIP - last week
  we suggested that you could test whether your
  TV remote was working by pointing it at your
  camera phone. Afinkawan mentions, "Another way
  of checking is to activate them near the
  pickups of a electric guitar. Each remote makes
  a slightly different sound through the amp. If
  I had the time, motivation or the slightest
  talent, I would probably try to make an entire
  track of remote-control-through-guitar-amp
  bleeps." Sounds like a fun project for someone.


  * TIN TIN NOT GEORDIE - Hundreds of you wrote
  in to point out that, "it's made by someone
  from Middlesbrough so he's a Teessider."
  Fucking Northerners, always complaining.


-------------------------------------------------

: FRIDAY GAME
  Merge the ladybirds

  Perhaps the most peculiar games concept we've
  featured here. Stop the ladybirds from falling
  off the stump. Try to merge them into one.
http://www.donpixel.com/play/en/060413201807/


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * INFINITE LIVES POKE FOR OYSTER CARD - we
  demand the secret upload codes to use the Tube
  for free.

  * DADS-WHO-KRUMP.COM - the advertising execs
  are telling us that 'krumping' is a new form of
  black urban dance that's sweeping the nation.
  We reckon it's an ideal dance for middle-aged
  men to demonstrate that they're down with the
  kids.

  * MEATLOAFS' BAT OUT OF HELL, THE PC GAME -
  guide a pixelly bat out from, well, hell.
  Rendered 1980s bleepy Spectrum style. 

  * POO-FACE FLICKR GROUP - Hundreds of photos of
  people straining for a shit.

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


-------------------------------------------------

  Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Unsubscribe:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with David
  Stevenson. Stuff sent in by Ledger,
  siobhan.mcsorley, seekew, CrispyDolphin,
  teh_catt, pansowa, jbsauns, Mr. Johnson,
  simbosan & Art101 Top Tippery by Piehands.
  Additional linkage and image challenge by
  Fraser Lewry. Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke. Yays
  to b4ta. Zander suggested the subjectline. His
  fault.
  
-------------------------------------------------

  TOP TIP:
  How to stop getting points on your licence for
  speeding. If you get a fine for speeding for
  say £60, send them a cheque for £61.  They will
  send you a cheque back for £1.  Tear that
  cheque up, never cash it.  They cannot legally
  put the points on your licence until all
  financial transactions have cleared.  This
  means that you will have paid the fine, but you
  won't get the points on your licence.
  Apparently.

next issue »
« previous issue