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NEWSLETTER: "MEAT SPECIAL. NO SECRET VEGETARIAN SUBTEXT AT ALL."

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This Week:
* MEAT - Fertilised eggs 
* MORE MEAT - What does cat food taste like?
* BONUS GRATIS MEAT - Cooking a pigs head

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're eating the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       meat... together"

B3ta email 250 - 13 Oct 2006

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue250/

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
  
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: SPONSORED LINK
  Win Stuff with Virgin

  Heads up B3tards.  Next weeks image challenge
  is brought to you by Virgin Money.  Big deal
  you might say?  Well, the winners might have
  their work used in a future ad campaign. Fame,
  power and money will surely follow. If not,
  there's always the consolation of an Xbox 360
  and PSP's up for grabs.

  Check out B3ta next Wednesday for details.
 
  >> Sponsor B3ta <<
  Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Retro computing, Gay Trains, Mentalism & Cars

  >> Mental animation <<
  Mutated Monty has been brightening up our
  image challenges for years now with his
  patented brand of mentalism. Recently he's
  been experimenting montaging his clips. Your
  brain will suffer.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/cyriak_s_animation_mix


  >> The Gay Train <<
  Remember MJ Hibbett and his Hey Hey 16k song?
  Well, the boy is back with a touching tune
  about getting mixed up with the gay pride
  festival on the London Underground. You Ginger
  Fuhrer is the bloke behind the camera, and he
  makes a sinister cameo towards the end.
http://www.mjhibbett.net/gaytrain


  >> Computer game evolution <<
  "Inspired by a ZX81 version of Donkey Kong",
  intones Monkeon, "I have made a small report
  to show how much games have evolved over the
  years." Personally we prefer the look of the
  stuff in the 80s, maybe we're just old cunts,
  but it just looks cooler.
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/gameevolution/


  >> Big car made of little cars <<
  "Yo", barks James Robertford, "You've featured
  a couple of my projects before and thought
  this one might interest too - it's taken 3
  years to complete and 4,500 toy cars and now
  I'm selling it on eBay!" Truly a thing of
  wonder.
http://snipurl.com/ebaycar


-------------------------------------------------

  Two DJs are talking to each other, one says to
  the other "want to go and see a movie?" So the
  other replies "I don't know, who's the
  projectionist?"

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: MEAT CORNER
  What B3ta people have been eating this week

  >> Fertilised eggs <<
  B3tard Balut is one a one man mission to eat
  the most disgusting food in the world. This
  week he's scoffing boiled fertilised duck
  eggs. Apparently considered a delicacy in
  Asia, but possibly it's just something they
  serve to gullible tourists.
http://foodtube.livejournal.com/890.html


  >> Cat food <<
  Ever wondered if cat food is tastier than dog
  food? JimmerUK has, and has put it to the
  test. Yep, he eats both and brings forth the
  results for the b3ta-reading public. The
  stinky-mouthed fool!
http://www.jimmeruk.com/petfood.html

  
  >> Pigs head <<
  Not to be outdone by people eating cat food
  and fertilised eggs, B3tas official chef
  Fraser has eaten a face made of pig. Grimmest
  bit? Removing the porcine earwax.
http://www.blogjam.com/2006/10/11/head-cheese/


-------------------------------------------------

: QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK
  Regrets & Road rage

  As we didn't run a newsletter last week, we've
  got a lot to get through.

  Two weeks ago we were wanted your biggest
  regrets. Stuff that caught our eye included:

  * WANKING SHAME
  "I download porn. And each time I tell myself
  I'll make a porn folder and keep the best ones
  on my computer. So I start downloading a few
  different ones. Then when the first one's
  downloaded I have a wank and immediately go
  'oh, porn's a bit gross', and delete
  everything (including going into the recycle
  bin and deleting it from there). Then I regret
  that." (apeloverage)

 * LESBIAN PORN
  "I regret leaving 'What I'm listening to' on
  on MSN Messenger, installing the Winamp plugin
  and then watching lesbian porn movies."
  (wonderbrawl)

 * GAY BLOOD
   "I regret going to donate blood today. They
   told me they didn't want my gay blood. Then I
   was put on a database to ban me from ever
   donating in the UK. Then I had to sign a form
   to confirm I was gay, which will be forever
   held in an archive somewhere. It feels like I
   have a fucking criminal record." (StrongBad)


  And there's more where that came from.
http://b3ta.com/questions/regrets/  


  We also asked about your Road Rage incidents,
  but frankly the newsletter is getting a bit
  long, so go and read them on the site.
http://b3ta.com/questions/roadrage/
  

  We're now after the most useless advice you've
  ever been told.
http://b3ta.com/questions/uselessadvice/


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates

  >> Tim Westwood soundboard <<
  Westwood is everyone's favourite
  bombastically cheesy hip hop DJ. Now you can,
  essentially, recreate his entire show with ths
  simple compilation of stock phrases and SFX.
  It reminds us scarily of those old Fluff
  Freemen and Tommy Vance rock extravaganzas. 
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/westwood/soundboard.shtml


  >> "Fuck me for a fiver" <<
  A smart bit of marketing by this prostitute;
  punters put a fiver each into the pot and the
  winner... well, you get the picture.
http://www.adultwork.co.uk/ViewProfile.asp?UserID=29673


  >> Tampon Shooter <<
  Tampons: only really useful one week a month -
  so what to do the rest of the time. Why not
  make a fancy blowgun for slightly icky
  paintball fun?
http://www.tamponcrafts.com/gun.html


  >> Lookalikes <<
  Photographer Francois Brunelle has shot a
  series of portraits of north American and
  European lookalikes. It's interesting stuff;
  you wind up making up stories about why they
  look they way they do.
http://haha.nu/amazing/im-not-a-look-a-like/


  >> The best stuff in the world <<
  Just exactly that - a big tiled blob of
  people's favourite things, as voted for by the
  site's users. This leads to the rather
  alarming situation where Chuck Norris looms
  significantly larger than sandwiches.
http://www.thebeststuffintheworld.com/


  >> Programmer's secret message <<
  Ever wanted to convert a mySql db to Access or
  vice versa? Well, us neither. But sit through
  a minute of this demo and there's a
  blink-and-you'll-miss-it sign that whoever
  made it was as bored as you. Pay attention
  when it gets to the 'Customization' bit and
  read the available categories in the pulldown
  on the right. Naughty.
http://www.data-conversions.net/flash/mycql_access.swf


 >> Land of Rape and Honey <<
 Dramatic but not, perhaps, the most enticing
 tourist slogan. Nonetheless, that's what the
 Canadian town of Tisdale has plumped for.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/navvywavvy/212052352/


  >> Jesus in a dog's arse <<
  Nicely done bit of photoshoppery, creating a
  simulacrum of the Lamb of God from the
  puckered anus of three-year-old terrier Angus
  McDougall. There's the odd smile to be had
  from the comments section too.
http://snipurl.com/xddh
  

-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Pugs

  Possibly the best collection of pug photos in
  the world ever. Despite the fact that we think
  dogs are shit, even we thought this lot were
  cute.
http://www.funpic.hu/funblog/pugs/pugs.html


-------------------------------------------------

: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
  $1.65 billion for YouTube, where's our cut?

  >> Should I stay or should I go? <<
  UK politics cut-up with Tony Blair giving a
  convincing rendition of the Clash classic to
  an appreciative Gordon Brown and David
  Cameron. Very pleasingly edited and - oooh,
  topical!
http://snipurl.com/fuckingbrilliant


  >> Nigerian midgets get hassled <<
  We almost started thinking this was a spoof,
  it's just so peculiar. Midgets in Nigeria
  fight to overcome prejudice against them and
  fear of their supernatural powers by making
  socially conscious films. In 'Nollywood'. Huh?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMyswtGbeyY


  >> Model to billboard in 60 seconds <<
  Speeded-up footage showing the process of
  making a beauty product poster, from
  photoshoot to the final billboard result.
  Amazing, the amount of work that goes into it.
  Also, speeded-up film is funny. Hehe. It's a
  viral-schmiral for something, but who gives a
  shit?
http://snipurl.com/betteradthanmost

  >> 'A picture a day' spoof <<
  Taking a picture a day and then bunging them
  all together in a video has been something of
  an internet craze lately - usually with pretty
  mournful results. This spoof raised a smile
  with the main guy's constantly switching
  enthusiasms..
http://www.oldeenglish.org/podcast/one-picture-every-day


  >> Battle of the bands <<
  Violence erupts between some of the best album
  covers of all time in this clever animated
  short.
http://motionographer.com/media/battle_adbands-w.mov


-------------------------------------------------

: ASK THE B3TARDS
  For when Google can't help

  >> Tickling kittens <<
  Last we we asked why cats go mental if your
  scratch the base of their spines.
 
  Kreniigh writes - "My friends have 3 cats, and
  while one of them gets violent when scratched
  at the base of the tail, the other two like
  it.  Since the two that like it are spayed
  males, and the violent one is a female, it
  must be something like a prostate massage. No
  wonder most cats are touchy about it!"


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE

  Results from the last two challenges

  Last week we asked you to show us how
  superheroes might cope with old age.

  Your favourites included:

  * BOWEL MOVEMENTS - Superman turns the
  increasing unreliability of his digestive
  tract to his advantage (mutated monty)

  * ALZHEIMERS - That's the problem with old
  age: all that wisdom, and errr... where was I
  again? (Leningrad)

  * AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! - In which Marvel Comics'
  most popular team of Superheroes gather for
  one last job. (FoldsFive)

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/old_superheroes/


  Two weeks ago we wanted to know how aliens
  would cope when faced with everyday life on
  Earth.

  Your favourites included:
 
  * FRISBEE - Dog + Spaceship = Frisbee Magic
  (timpractical)

  * CAT ARMY - a rare insight into the secret
  feline plot to bring the human race to heal
  (mofaha)

  * TESCO VALUE - Captain Kirk would embrace
  that famous blue and white stripes (Damocles)

  All these images, and the highest as voted by
  you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/aliens/


  >> New challenge: Celebrity Death <<
  Which celebrity would you most like to see
  dead? And more importantly, how? Michael
  Winner, perhaps? Cheesegrated into an early
  grave? Show us the glorious, appropiate deaths
  of the rich and famous... Challenge suggested
  by Afinkawan
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/celebrity_death/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * CASSETTEBOY CREDIT, "Thanks to the B3TA
  newsletter", writes Mike Cassette, "I have
  just listened to Harry Potter And The Underage
  Blow Job. This piece of audio was made by
  Cassetteboy.  I am aware of it because I am
  one half of Cassetteboy, the half who spent
  hours trying to make Stephen Fry say 'Blow
  Job' in fact." Oops, so big yays to Mr Tapey,
  and we hope we hear more great work from you
  in the future.

  * MUSHROOMS YAY - "Thanks for putting up that
  nice lil shroom map", mongs SirLollyPork, "As
  its saved me a long trek through the country
  when it all it took was a trip up the road."
http://shroomr.com/


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * BRANDWAGONING - notice how all these Web 2.0
  sites look the same? Why not run all their
  logos together set to the old Cure song with
  the words, "It's finally happened, they're
  finally all the same, 'cause everybody is
  jumping everybody else's train." We'd like it
  anyway.

  * SAUSAGE ART - can you make the Mona Lisa
  entirely out of sausages? We bet you can.

  * ZX81 DRAW - make an online drawing package
  which only uses the old Sinclair character
  set. For extra points, let everyone paint
  simultaneously like drawball.com

  Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.

-------------------------------------------------

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-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:
  This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by flurokitty,
  Mushroom gfreeman, Kundalini, Glenn D'Jackson.
  Top Tippery by Clairebare. Additional linkage
  and image challenge by Fraser Lewry. Mike
  Trinder is QOTW bloke.

-------------------------------------------------

  TOP TIP:
  Murders! Wash your blood stained clothes in
  cold water, as hot water makes the blood stick.

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