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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 123: "SMOKING MAKES YOU HARD"

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This Week:
* PRINT - Smoking Top Trumps
* WATCH - Farting Warthogs
* FEAR - Fucked-up Kitty

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 123 - 20 Feb 2004

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue123/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK 
  Fags, Tea, Jelly, Farts & Tattoos

  >> Anti-smoking propagnda top trumps <<
  We all love smoking at b3ta towers. It makes
  you look hard and stops you turning into a
  fat cunt. Recently we've been impressed with
  the UK anti-smoking campaign where slime oozes
  out of cigs. But we had to leave it to Yidaho
  - famous for the Jade from Big Brother
  photoshops of 2002 - to turn it into a
  cut out and keep game of top trumps. Fuckeroony.
http://www.yidaho.myby.co.uk/toptrumps/


  >> Yanks! Learn to make tea! <<
  Badhorsey is after a free holiday in the USA
  and has quite an offer for our American readers.
  You provide transport from London and
  accommodation and he'll teach you how to make
  the perfect cup of tea. Oh and there's more.
  We'll write it up in this very newsletter
  in the unlikely event of you taking this
  offer up.
http://snipurl.com/4mmo


  >> Weebl makes jelly <<
  Weebls' diminutive chum Bob has been on the
  peyote buttons and produced this mini gem.
  We love the DIY sound effects.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/jelly.htm


  >> Farting thingie <<
  "I made this for my nephew," writes Rogan,
  "who's a bit ill at the moment, but I thought
  you might appreciate it." Huzzah. Can't knock
  a simple farting gag, can you? And get well
  soon from Uncle B3ta. We hope they find a cure.
http://snipurl.com/4mmh


  >> Tattooists' blog <<
  We're always interested to discover bloggers
  who actually write about something other than
  what they had for breakfast - so we're
  pleased to hear from Linda who writes, "I am
  a tattooist in Phoenix, Arizona, USA. I take
  pictures of my customers using my camera phone."
  Yay. We particularly like the granny getting
  inked, and the lady with the horn buds. Shame
  that Angel has been cancelled...
http://sunshinesheaven.blogspot.com


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: SITES IN BRIEF 
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Stephen Hawking Valentines Day <<
  Wonder how b3ta's favourite boffin spent his
  Valentines Day? Apparently his missus tied a
  red, heart-shaped balloon emblazoned with the
  words 'I love you' to his wheelchair and took
  him for lunch. Then she took him for a push
  with the balloon still flapping in the wind.
  Er.. this link was sent in with the phrase
  "positively ghoulish".
http://snipurl.com/4mme


  >> This week's web nutter <<
  What would the web be like with out odd people
  putting up sites asking for brides? This one
  wants 15 children and to breed with his kids'
  wives. Ladies - that's where you can help.
http://fypl.info/


  >> Pig balancing game <<
  Unless you've spent the last three years in 
  syphilitic coma you'll know Ferry Halim
  is synonymous with "quirky, beautiful and very
  playable games." Mobile phone manufactures take
  note: give this man some work and not the tards
  you usually employ.
http://ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/pig.htm


  >> Salt & Pepper combined <<
  It's the end of civilisation as we know it.
  We're now living in a world where people can
  run a business based upon pre-mixing salt and
  pepper. For fucks sake. We despair.
http://www.originalspepper.com/


  >> We're feeling great <<
  Most TV ads can bugger off up a tree and stay
  there. Except this one. It rocks and features
  a great catchphrase. BTW: It'll probably
  try and sell you a icky cereal bar. Sod that.
  Just enjoy the ad. Ha. That'll show 'em.
http://turnpikefilms.com/spots/nutrigrain.html


  >> Beat up your PC <<
  Think a flash toy where you whack your PC
  sounds load of tired old crap? But it's the
  enthusiasm and detail that save this from
  a pathetic web grave. Hooray for assault
  and battery.
http://www.inicia.es/de/Turbo_J/metele.html


  >> Drum toy <<
  Normally when you tell a web designer to go
  mad with interface design they'll make some
  poxy metaphor driven 3D interface. Cunts.
  But this is smart. A drum-kit which you play
  by dropping balls on objects. You'll need
  to read the instructions and try the demo
  settings to get the best out of it.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/music/childrens/games/drumsteps/


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Yoda Kitty

  We've now seen over 1 million different kittens
  on b3ta, and this is the most fucked up yet.

  Still - we think it's cute. Maybe you will too.
http://www.b3ta.com/features/yodakitty/


  BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
  the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Zombie Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted to raise the dead and
  get zombiefied:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/zombies/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'scaryduck' to judge the
  entries - here are his 3 faves.

  Scaryduck writes -

  #1 "Zombie Diet - the first image in the
  challenge and the best of the lot. I
  still would, too.* (Meek)
http://b3ta.com/board/2749099

  #2 "If I only had a brain - new b3tan in
  first ever post triumph. Well executed
  and very, very funny. (Yellomenace)
http://b3ta.com/board/2773614

  #3 " She's back - the best of the Queen
  Mums, bless her. She would have
  approved, you know.* (Frogdoctor)
http://b3ta.com/board/2763498

  Special mention: "Thor Sonofodin who is
  the king of Zombies, and he'll send
  hoards of undead round my house if he
  doesn't get a notice in this competition.
http://www.b3ta.com/board/2762602

  * probably not strictly true.
  ** not sure about this one, either.

  >> This Weeks Challenge <<

  This week, the challenge dictator punches
  his computer in frustration and asks,
  "What software do we really need?
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/softwarethatwereallyneed/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * BUMSEXUAL IN THE PAPERS - a few weeks ago
    we asked you to get the phrase bumsexual
    into the papers. Brandon has got it into the
    small-ads, but we want more. The challenge
    is on.
http://www2.b3ta.com/images/bumsexual.jpg


  * SOLUTION TO EYEGROW GAME - we've had about
    fifty emails from people saying, "for Christ's
    sake. Don't ever post a link like that again.
    You're making me fail my PhD." Anyway. Here's
    one solution: box, tube, orange ball,
    ladder, egg, mountain, fan, cog, cyclone,
    dish, black ring then TV screen. Give it
    a go. 
http://www.interq.or.jp/silver/eye/grow/top.html


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * MONGY SQUIRRELS FROM THE PLANET SPACK -
    preventing the AIDS with a cheeky wink.

  * CHAVS IN SPACE - best place for them.

  * A TORY GOVERNMENT - we've had enough of
    these limp wristed liberals.

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS: 

  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by Lucy Reese, Chris Twigg,
  akme, zero, clairywoowoo, A-MOL, Harriet_bp,
  gareth_peel, KSiegersCTM, Shake, sjwinch and
  special thanks to c Bailey.
  Top Tippery by Mark Elton. 
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the kipper b4ta buckets. (72762)

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  TOP TIP:
  Dropped your coke? Gently turn the can upside
  down, tap the bottom gently twice with your
  finger and gently turn back. Hey Presto,
  greatly reduced/no froth. Warning: this method
  has its limits, and only works with average
  shake ups.

  BTW: Done a degree in physics? Go on. Make a 
  little page testing this out. We'll give you
  a blowie.

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