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NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 122: "CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAAAA-ZEEE MUM"

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This Week:
* B3TA PARTY - Tonight
* RATHERGOOD - Joel loves his penis
* TEABAGS - built into pyramids

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____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |      
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web... together"

B3ta email 122 - 13 Feb 2004

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue122/

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: B3TA PARTY TONGIHT
  Look at all our raffle stuff

  B3ta party tonight! Well it is if you're
  reading this on the 13th of February. Anyway,
  we're having a huge raffle - look at the
  lovely stuff we've got to give away. Have
  a look even if you're not coming - it's kinda
  cool seeing the stuff that was sent in.
http://b3ta.com/features/valentine-raffle-2004/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #1
  Joel's penis, Teabag pyramids, Swearing toys

  >> We love Joel's cock <<
  We've had our doubts about Joel's penile
  quality. We suspected it might be rather poor.
  But recently, we've had the chance to properly
  check it out and now we're converts. BTW: Despite
  Joel's recent successes with kittens, he's at
  his best when just being filthy and crude. If
  you don't laugh at the joyous finale to this,
  then you're dead inside. Dead, do you hear?
http://www.rathergood.com/sumo_florist/


  >> Teabag pyramids <<
  Cunting Gordon! This is an achievement.
  Kamikazee Killmouse has stacked all his
  teabags in the manner of the ancient
  Egyptians. A majestic sight to grace any
  kitchen. In the very centre is a cursed
  bourbon biscuit. Or so it is said.
http://www.zen16091.zen.co.uk/tea/more-tea-vicar.htm


  >> Swearing children's toy <<
  In 2000 VTech released the Phonics Teacher;
  A device aimed at teaching kids to read.
  It's taken four long years, but Philip Cooper
  has cracked the robot code and found out how
  to make it swear. The time spent has not
  been in vain.
http://www.imstupid.co.uk/twistedmindz/childstoy.html 


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: B3TA RADIO
  Cover versions

  This week on b3ta radio we'll be playing
  terrible cover versions, including Disney's
  Phil Collins doing psychedelic classic
  Tomorrow Never Knows. It's worse than you
  can possibly imagine.

  You can learn more about b3ta radio and how
  to tune in here:
http://b3ta.com/features/b3taradio/


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: SITES IN BRIEF 
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Impressive mullet <<
  You're thinking the mullet gag can sod off.
  It's tired, it's old, nothing left to give.
  But this Basket ball-playing dwarf shows the
  old dog still has a few tricks.
http://www.ratemymullet.com/show.php?id=37


  >> My mum is crazy <<
  All women over 30 are mad. That's a fact:
  Jeremy Clarkson said so. If they're 60 they're
  double mad. Just think how mad they'd be at 
  900 years old. Wah. This lad's mum is clearly
  quite old and has never thrown anything away
  in her entire life.
http://www2.b3ta.com/mirror/crazymum/


  >> Michael Barrymore tattoos <<
  This lady is a big fan of shamed ex-TV
  personality Michael Barrymore. She was scared
  that she'd forget his facial features, so had
  them tattooed on her legs. Fact: In an inverse 
  Dorian Gray effect, as the tattoos become more
  realistic, Barrymore himself increasingly
  comes to resemble a stocky woman's leg. 
http://my-michael-barrymore.com/Tattoos.html


  >> Fire in a firework factory <<
  What do you expect? It's video of a firework
  factory on fire! Boom! A splode! Well done to
  the cameraman, though, for risking his life
  to keep us entertained. Apparently, people died
  in this incident, so don't enjoy it too much.
  That'd be like snuff.
http://www.media.ebaumsworld.com/index.php?e=fireworkfactory.wmv


  >> World's most impenetrable game <<
  Feed little things into the big red ball and
  watch stuff happen. What on earth is going on?
  Is this a parody? See if you can get things in
  the right order to trigger off the best
  sequence of events. 
http://www.eyezmaze.com/grow/grow.swf


  >> Angel puppet <<
  We like Angel, the TV series about a brooding
  vampire lawyer. Frankly, this season, writer
  Joss Whedon has been at the crack pipe. Which
  clearly is a good thing, as he's decided to
  transform the series into Fraggle Rock. Ace.
  BTW: West Wing is currently making an episode
  with Big Bird from Sesame Street. So put that
  in your top TV trends lists and smoke it.
http://snipurl.com/4h26


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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
  Red pandas

  They're like foxes on cuteness pills. Who can
  resist the lovely red panda? Not us. They use
  their tails as pillows. Much like Joel.
http://www.uga.edu/srel/Red_Pandas/RP_gallery.htm


  BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
  the web recently? Tell us at http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK #2
  Oooh look. There's loads more stuff.

  >> Tiny giraffe <<
  If you're like us, you're still awake. And
  you'll have been giving much thought to tiny,
  little giraffes and elephants. Thank goodness
  for Spacefish, reassuring us that the ironies
  of scale are, ironically, immense.
http://www.glastonbridge.co.uk/flash/tg2.html


  >> Charity ad animation <<
  You can't fault a monkey. You certainly can't
  fault two. As for this... we salute you,
  Fish sticks. Caution: May not contain monkeys.
http://www.luckybestwash.plus.com/give.html


  >> Pigeon commuters <<
  We love Monkeon: He's a web spazz-fuck genius.
  This seems to be an autobiographical animation
  about his skiving off at work. And being a
  parrot with the soul of a pigeon.
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/pigeon/


  >> Breakdance bear <<
  If we could walk with the animals, if we could
  talk with the animals, if we could sell them
  consumer electronics... Well, then this would
  be the slickest piece of Apple marketing ever.
  As it is, they have no thumbs, it's a
  wasted effort. But wasted with style.
  Thanks to Ian Gil.
http://www.txuggorf.com/b3ta/ifurtive.html


  >> Mr First-Person Shooter <<
  Do videogames cause violent behaviour? Paul
  Harckham thinks yes. And here's his proof.
http://www.paulharckham.com/webthing/flash.htm


  >> Cat Vs Badger <<
  The cat and the badger: Natural foes, according
  to some bloke on the internet.
  VampireMonkeyOnSpeed writes, "Although this looks
  like it was drawn by a 10 year old, I'm actually
  somewhat older." You're never too old for
  badgers. Especially young, nimble badgers.
http://www.madbadger.com/cat


  >> Moody space robot thing << 
  B3ta regular Wheatox has recently become a
  father. He's also just made a spooky
  animation featuring a robot being blasted
  into space. Any connection? Almost certainly. 
http://www.mrandmrswheatley.co.uk/iwill.html


  >> Bangcubes <<
  We've always wanted to see the ending of
  Reservoir Dogs reprised with simple 3D shapes
  in isometric projection. So when kingofpork
  wrote in with "a very cool little Flash movie
  made by my good mate Chris", we flapped our
  sex limbs like retarded otters. Huzzah.
http://chrico.mazca.com/bits/bangcubes-01.html


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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Results from the Tribute Band Challenge

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  Last week we wanted rubbish tribute bands:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/tributebands/

  We asked B3ta boarder 'chobb' to judge the
  entries - here are his 3 faves.

  Chobb writes -


  #1 "Banjovi - Such a fantastic name. I'd
     rather listen to these than Bon Jovi any
     fucking day. (Dr Dunno)
http://b3ta.com/board/2722808

  #2 "50 percent - A good idea done well: the
     oversized jewellery is a great touch.
     Anything that makes 50 Cent look more of
     a tit is alright with me. (lemonhead)
http://b3ta.com/board/2738661

  #3 "Spazz + Dave - The best of the Joey
     entries includes 'Over 100 uungs' -
     how could this not win? Plus it's always
     good to see the spastics having a bit
     more grief heaped on their puny
     shoulders." (Kid mingus)
http://b3ta.com/board/2730661


  "Special mention has to go to Happy Shopper's
  'The Morecombe Bay City Rollers' for being
  funny, topical and in poor taste - a classic
  combination. And a great underwater effect,
  too."
http://b3ta.com/board/2735719

  >> This Week's Challenge <<

  This week, the whole b3ta board seems to be
  obsessed with "Zombies!"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/zombies/


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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  * LAST WEEK'S ESTATE AGENT LINK - Sime writes,
    "Ralph Bending the estate agent rocks! If
    you look in his shop window at the houses on
    sale you'll see such delights as, 'Would suit
    blind dwarf with no sense of smell who's had
    his legs chopped off!' or 'Deserves a
    condemnation order' The shop is just a
    couple of doors up from another estate
    agents that is right posh and you get the
    feeling that Ralph and them don't get on.


  * INTRODUCING MONDAY STILL MAKING NEWS - nice
    to see the Scotsman remembers. "Unfortunately,
    introducingmonday.com is now just a flat page
    saying that it is the future home of a
    registered domain. How are the mighty stupid
    fallen. The moral of the story lies in the
    fact that introducingmonday.co.uk is alive
    and well and singing away."
http://news.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=168302004


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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * QUIZZES - c'mon you lazy monkeys. Quizzes
    rock and you lot don't make enough of them.

  * INTERESTING PHOTOS - does your dad cook
    the worst food in the world? Document it.

  * DO THE STUFF YOU LOVE - nothing communicates
    more than passion.

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


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  THANKS: 

  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with 
  David Stevenson.
  Links sent in by Harriet_bp, Zog, Lucy Reese,
  Christopher Brosnahan, whedonesque & Mike
  Hopkins.
  Top Tippery by Ulic.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the bumdacious b4ta chavs.
  (73072)

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  TOP TIP:
  Get lovely clear ice cubes by boiling the
  water first. Not afterwards.

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