we love the web
email us
NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 112: "HONKY HONKY SHEEP SHEEP"

next issue »
« previous issue

This Week:
* B3TA RADIO - Flatmates from hell
* RATHERGOOD - Wrong bananas
* PROSTITUTES - One thousand reviews

-------------------------------------------------
________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |      "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|       web ... together"

B3ta email 112 - 21 Nov 2003

Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue112/

       Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
         Unsub:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA RADIO
  Flatmates from hell

  Each week the newsletter team of Rob and Dave
  take a cheeky hour on FM radio to play a few
  records and recount anecdotes supplied from
  you lot.

  This week we were asking about your worst
  flatmate experiences:
http://b3ta.com/board/2344846

  Listen in on 104.4 FM in London or via the
  internet using this site. Go on.
http://www.resonancefm.com/audio.htm


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
  Sheep, Banananananas, Christmas and Farmers

  >> Honking sheep <<
  Stanley Kubrick thought that The Blue Danube
  would be a great bit of music to accompany
  balletic spaceships. Thinkfoo have a different
  opinion: why not use trumpeting sheep instead?
  Kubrick - you missed a trick here.
http://www.thinkfoo.com/b3ta/honking.html


  >> Rathergood bananas <<
  Joel from Rathergood has recently been having
  problems down the grocers: they keep selling him
  the incorrect fruit. Ordinary folk would simply
  leave it to rot on the sideboard, but not Joel
  - he turns his experience into song. Catchy
  chorus too.
http://www.rathergood.com/bananas/


  >> Unseasonal greetings <<
  Our local Woolworths is already preparing for
  Christmas and so is Mike Beddall. He's made
  a charming and scary little animation of some
  carolers harassing an old man. How festive.
http://mikebeddall.tripod.com/index.html


  >> Gentle farmer music vid <<
  Censored cows and pigs, a tuneful ballad sung by
  a languid New Romantic muppet. It can only be
  the latest from Sev and Tez at Magentaprod.
  "We'll play the 6 of December in Manchester at 
  Chips," they are keen to inform us.
http://www.magentaprod.com/gentlefarmer.ram


-------------------------------------------------

: ANIMAL UPGRADE CORNER
  Because God didn't get it right the first time

  >> Fake nails for cats <<
  Soft paws is a company that makes little covers
  for cats' claws. We think they add a certain
  ghetto fabulous chic to your pet's demeanour.
http://www.softpaws.com/gallery/


  >> Brollies for collies <<
  Matching umbrellas for you and your dog - what
  could show better the bond of affection between
  owner and pet? We don't think it goes far enough
  though. We make our dog wear the same clothes
  as us. And we shave his little face. 
http://snurl.com/33co


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.

  >> Rate my whore <<
  A lot of people use the internet as a research
  tool. A lot. So really no-one should be shocked
  by Punter Net - where men rate and review
  prostitutes they've patronised. Our diligent
  research shows this lady is the UK's best
  prostitute, with a legendary 110 glowing reviews.
  Blimey. That means she's done 'it' at least 110
  times. Fancy that.
http://snurl.com/33bj


  >> Penguin throwing simulator <<
  Live out your fantasies of penguin formation
  diving with this exceptionally pleasing
  interactive rendition of the world's premier
  flightless birds scuttling across the polar
  ice floes.
http://www.lecielestbleu.com/media/penguinframe.htm


  >> Naive world of local DJs <<
  B3ta boarder Agent Vulga assures us that this
  snippet of audio is an actual recording of a
  Cornish radio station. It reveals a charming,
  unworldly quality to the local DJs. May not be
  quite safe for work, unless your boss is equally
  ignorant of euphemisms for ladies' bits.  
http://agentvulga.iamscuffham.co.uk/curtains.mp3


  >> Geeks in love <<
  Chris Hill has taken a recording of his mother
  talking movingly of how she met and fell in 
  love with his father and based an animation
  round it. We were touched. BTW: You can only
  watch half of it before being asked for 25c
  to watch the rest. Which is an interesting 
  idea in itself.
http://www.ubergeek.tv/geeksinlove/


  >> Blind man's internet <<
  Can't say we really understood this. You move
  the mouse around and a voice tells you "left
  a bit... no right... click!" Not much happens
  really, but it kept us entertained.
http://members.shaw.ca/albinoblacksheep/1.swf


  >> Top ten internet fads <<
  The Internet is always throwing up ideas which
  poeple proclaim as the next big thing. Mostly
  they have one thing in common: they are all 
  utterly rubbish. If you've been knocking about
  the web industry for the last ten years then
  enjoy this bit of schadenfreude.
http://snurl.com/32lg


-------------------------------------------------

: PUZZLE GAMES
  The games of kings

  >> Flip Flap <<
  A game where you have to push a button at the right
  time to guide ball-bearings down a slope. Sounds
  easy and it is - at first. By the sixth or seventh
  time we were flapping like spazzers.
http://www.ceres.dti.ne.jp/~tmat/fflap/index.html


  >> Telescope game <<
  A lovely multi-level spatial puzzle game in
  the classic style. You have to push balls into
  holes, using telescopes. So good that, frankly,
  who cares if it's vaguely trying to flog you
  an expensive hoover?
http://www.dyson.co.uk/game/play.asp


-------------------------------------------------

: THINGS TO MAKE AND DO
  
  >> Make a cardboard camera <<
  This site celebrates the legendary Dirkon
  pinhole camera, which came free on the front
  of Czechoslovakian magazines. There are templates
  for making your own and a few sample images. Not
  great photography but fucking hell - it's only
  made of paper!
http://www.pinhole.cz/en/pinholecameras/dirkon_01.html


  >> Create your own Bayeux Tapestry <<
  Probably one for the kids this. Drag and drop
  characters from The Bayeux Tapestry to make
  your own stories. Beautifully done.
http://www.adgame-wonderland.de/type/bayeux.php


-------------------------------------------------

: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGES
  Results from the Bond Gadgets and Victorian
  Challenges

  Each week we run a competition to test your
  creative skills. We set a challenge and you
  open Photoshop and mess with our heads.

  >> The Victorian Internet challenge <<
  
  Last week we wanted to see how the victorian
  internet might have looked:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/victorian/

  We asked b3ta boarder 'ChaosTime' to judge the
  entries but he never got back to us, so here are
  our own 3 faves:

  #1 "I have a pop-up box for you, Sir" - We'd like
     a servant like this please. It'd make searching
     dodgy websites a pleasure. (Drydo)
http://b3ta.com/board/2331556


  #2 Phantascope - Yet again Monkeon comes through
     with a cracking pic. Seeing the Hampster Dance
     as sheet music made us laugh too much. (Monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/2363485


  #3 Eerie Daguerreotype - the Tourist Guy never
     looked more dapper. Breathes new life into an
     idea that we thought had died. (Rex Monday)
http://b3ta.com/board/2336645


  Our special mention has to go to Zak McFlimby for
  not only producing superb stuff all week, but then
  topping it with this Victorian version of the
  goatse website. It's perfectly safe for work, as
  long as he holds his balance, that is:
http://b3ta.com/board/2330924


  >> Bad Bond Gadgets challenge <<
  
  The week before last, we wanted crap Bond gadgets:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/bond/

  We asked b3ta boarder 'atomboy' to judge the
  entries - here are his 3 favourites.

  Atomboy writes -

  #1 "Everyday low prices, 007! - Although this
     isn't strictly within the challenge's remit,
     this was far too good not to win. Nobody did
     one better. (Idid)
http://b3ta.com/board/2300811


  #2 "Bond business card bonanza - So perfectly
     done, and nobody else had an idea quite like
     this. Simple, daft and utterly brilliant.
     (RayRayRay)
http://b3ta.com/board/2311048


  #3 "This isn't an ordinary pen, Bond  - There
     were lots of pen-based entries, but this was
     by far the best. I can never say no to nudie
     ladies." (emohawk)
http://b3ta.com/board/2288057


  "Honourable mentions should also go to
  Frogdoctor and Maiden for entertaining me:"
http://b3ta.com/board/2292348
http://b3ta.com/board/2292815


  >> This Week's Challenge <<

  This week, b3ta contributor 'sick_boy' gave us
  the suggestion, "Animals with jobs"
http://b3ta.com/challenge/animaljobs/


-------------------------------------------------

: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories.

  Blimey, B3ta contributers have gone TV mad
  this week:
  
  * JOEL VEITCH is making Rathergood Videos on
    channel 4. It goes out at 1:50am on Thursday
    morning.

  * JONTI PICKING has made two ads for Anchor
    Butter. They're the ones with the robot cows.

  * ROB MANUEL has been developing a game show
    for Nation277 called Kitten Olympics.


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE

  Make something cool and tell us about it. If
  you are in it then people will see your stuff.

  Things we'd really like to see include

  * SCREENSAVER that uses a network of idle
    computers to speculate on the stockmarket.

  * A MOUSE with anti-fluff paint.

  * GAMES. We want to see you making games. We
    like them.

  Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/

  BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
  been featured then don't be put off - we look
  at everything you send us.


-------------------------------------------------

  Subscribe:  b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
  Unsubscribe:  b3ta-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

-------------------------------------------------

  THANKS:

  This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
  David Stevenson and finished off by Mike Trinder.
  Links sent in by Mindslave, Rouadec, Emma Wensley,
  Vulga, Dave, tkt_dela and charlierapple.
  Top Tippery by the fragrant Fraser and AndyK.
  Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
  Board research by Fnord.
  Special thanks to the party DJs at the halloween
  bash - CCC, Weebl, Thorpe, Kim and Fraser.
  Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
  Proofing by the b4ta war elephants. (72213)

-------------------------------------------------

  TOP TIP: 
  Baking soda makes an excellent underarm
  deodorant. Carefully dust the area in question
  for many hours of odour-free pleasure.

next issue »
« previous issue