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NEWSLETTER ARCHIVE

ANOTHER ONE!
 * FREEMAN OF THE LAND - VS COPS
 * PENGUINS - BEING HECKLED
 * DUBSTEP - CONTROL ALL THE WUBS WITH YOUR FACE

"NONE FOR AGES THEN FOUR IN A ROW - THE LONDON BUS OF WEEKLY INTERNET BOLLOCKS"
 * ORGAN - CAMERON CARPENTER HUMOROUS SKIT
 * GINGER-FACED MAN - "MY STRUGGLE"
 * BOOM! - PLAY YOUR OWN 1812 OVERTURE GAME

WIN A LEOPARD*!
 * DOUGLAS ADAMS - FINAL INTERVIEW
 * UKULELE VS CAT - WHO WILL WIN?
 * FUNNY NAME CORNER - DELUXE!

BLOODY IMMIGRANTS, COMING OVER HERE, TAKING OUR NOBEL PRIZES
 * DANGER - WORLD'S WORST STREETVIEW STREETS
 * PIZZA - IN YOUR FRYING PAN???
 * BLACK DOCTOR WHO - WHO'S YOUR FAVE?

"YAY! THE MAGIC DONKEY LIVES!"
 * CAMERON RAPS - CASSETTEBOY'S MASTERPIECE?
 * LADYBIRD BOOKS - FICTIONAL VINTAGE LOLS
 * YOUR STORIES - SO MANY STORIES

THE MICHAEL GOVE MEMORIAL ISSUE
 * * WAR - WWI RAP BATTLE
 * * HORSE - DON'T RIDE WEEBL'S SHETLAND PONY
 * * BASS - HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

"IT MAY BE FULL OF BOLLOCKS BUT AT LEAST IT'S NOT THE DAILY MAIL"
 * DINOSAURS - TERRIBLE LIZARDS
 * 'PROTEST' - SLAP MICHAEL GOVE
 * BOARD GAME - TWEETS AND LADDERS

PUNCH GEORGE OSBORNE IN HIS ODIOUS FACE
 * FIGHT - WHICH IS THE BEST CHOCOLATE BAR?
 * CHROMEBOOKS - SHOULD YOU BUY ONE?
 * FUNNY NAME CORNER - IT'S BACK BACK BACK!

HAPPY BIRTHTIME HELEN KELLER!
 * FIGHT - WHICH THING IS BEST?
 * ZOMBIE - TIP-TOP TOPICAL SUAREZ
 * HECKLES - YOUR FAVOURITE COMEDY PUT-DOWNS

"WE'RE ON TWITTER. FOLLOW US AT @B3TA NOW!"
 * * TWITTER - FOLLOW US AT @B3TA
 * * TWITTER - FOLLOW US AT @B3TA
 * * TWITTER - FOLLOW US AT @B3TA

ROB'S HANGOVER SPECIAL. SOZ.
 * * SIGN UP TO OUR @B3TA TWITTER THING
 * * LET'S FIND ROB TINSLEY
 * * OTHER SHIT TOO

PLEASE DESTROY THE ENVIRONMENT BY PRINTING OUT THIS NEWSLETTER 5,000 TIMES
 * STUFF - SOME OF IT YOU MIGHT LIKE
 * THINGS - OTHERS YOU MIGHT NOT
 * MORE BITS - THAT YOU'LL BE INDIFFERENT TO

BANK HOLIDAY WANK HOLIDAY
 * UKIP - SIR IAN BOWLER AT CARNIVAL
 * NEAR-DEATH - YOUR THRILLING TALES
 * STAR WARS - DIRECTED BY DAVID LYNCH

SMEAGOL IN THE STREETS, GOLLUM IN THE SHEETS
 * GAME OF THRONES - AS MOUSETRAP
 * 90S MEMES - THE INTERNET CITIZENSHIP TEST
 * DATA - THE MOST SPURIOUS CORRELATIONS

WHY NOT KILL SOMEONE WITH A TOBLERONE? THE PERFECT CRIME!
 * TERRY WOGAN - VERSUS GODZILLA
 * EUROSONG - MAKE YOUR OWN
 * KITTENS - HOW DO THEY WORK?

KITTENS THAT LOOK LIKE YOU
 * EASTER - A LOVELY HYMN
 * PUNS - ABOUT FOOD & MOVIES
 * KITTENS - THAT LOOK LIKE YOU

WEETABIX IN A BOTTLE???
 * BLOWN - YOUR BIGGEST OPPORTUNITIES
 * PUFF DADDY - FAILS AT TWITTER
 * SHERLOCK - IS WEIRD AND INCOMPETENT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WORLD TRADE CENTER
 * TV THEMES - PLAYED LIVE
 * YOUR THEME - OF YOUR LIFE
 * 2001 - BEHIND THE SCENES

SCRATCH 'N' SNIFF EDITION
 * GOATS - AMAZING GAME TRAILER
 * GRAPHS - WHAT'S GOOD ON TV?
 * CLASS - YOUR TOP TALES OF POSH PRIVILEGE

HAPPY IDES OF MARCH, JULIUS CAESAR
 * INTERNET FACTS - THAT ARE TOTALLY MADE UP
 * DOCTOR WHO - EDITION OF 2048
 * BRIAN BLESSED - ALWAYS TALKS LIKE THIS

FURBY LOVES SIRI
 * CAMERON - REMIXED FOR LOLS
 * NUMBERS - FORM AN ENTERTAINING GAME OF SOME KIND
 * DRAG QUEENS - WHO ARE REALLY WORLD LEADERS

THE EMAIL NEWSLETTER THAT FITS IN YOUR HANDBAG
 * FARTING - CHIMNEYS
 * SEXY - UKIP?
 * WORKSAFE - YOUR PHOTOSHOP WONDERS

NOT A LEAP YEAR. IS IT A LEAP YEAR??
 * HUGE EYE - STARES INTO YOUR SOUL
 * SQUIRREL - HIJACKS PLANE
 * STEWART LEE - HATES TWITTER

ENRICHED WITH CATS AND CAT-DERIVED PROTEINS
 * CURLING - IMPROVED WITH CATS
 * RAP - NEWSMEN DO RAPPER'S DELIGHT
 * GAME - MAVERICK BIRD

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMON PEGG / JIMMY HOFFA
 * PUTIN - HIS FACEBOOK LOOKBACK
 * CARTOON HEADS - ON REAL PEOPLE
 * SORRY - FROM A CAT

MINECRAFT HOLMES
 * CHIMPS - CONSTANTLY-MUTATING RAMPAGE
 * GOAT - SIMULATOR GAME
 * RETRO - WHICH 8-BIT COMPUTER ARE YOU?

PROPER TEA IS THEFT
 * BLUR - AS SUNG BY A TICKET BARRIER
 * BRITPOP - STARS IN MUNDANE MISHAPS
 * HOBBIT - SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENTS

MARMOT ON TOAST
 * UKIP - DOES THE SHIPPING FORECAST
 * NOEL - GALLAGHER ON OASIS VIDS
 * HENRY KELLY - IN HIS OWN WORDS

OFFICIALLY NOT HALF AS GOOD AS IT USED TO BE
 * ANIM - SOCIAL MEDIA GIANT SQUID
 * DIY - HORRIBLE HOME-MADE SEX DOLL
 * VID - FAT LITTLE SQUIRREL SAYS HELLO

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROD STEWART!
 * FIT - DAVINA MCCALL IN 15 MINS
 * CRUNK - SUNG BY ROBOT BEARS
 * CELEBS - GUY PHOTOSHOPS HIMSELF WITH STARS

HAPPY NEW NEWSLETTER
 * 2013 - RECAPPED IN SONG
 * MILEY CYRUS - FROM THE FUTURE
 * UNOPENABLE - CHRISTMAS CARD

THE RESULTS ARE IN AND B3TA LOVES YOU
 * YOSHI - LIFE-SIZED AND MADE OF LEGO
 * SUPERHEROES - OF THE POST-PUNK SCENE
 * MARK ZUCKERBERG - WITH A MUPPET'S FACE

DO YOU MIND? WE'RE TRYING TO COME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL
 * BREAKFAST - BACON DRONE
 * STAR TREK - CHRISTMAS CAROL
 * INNUENDO - ORGAN SONG

HELL YEAH LET'S PARTY LIKE IT'S 1997 IT'S THE B3TA NEWSLETTER
 * QUESTION - YOUR SHIT CELEB ENCOUNTERS
 * CAT GIFS - REENACTED BY A HUMAN
 * CHALLENGE - PUT JOKES INTO THE BACKGROUND

RIP OFFICE MILK
 * ANIM - LITERAL TAKEN LITERALLY
 * VID - CHATROULETTE WRECKING BALL
 * CELEBS - WITH INVERTED EYES

"CAN'T PROPER SENTENCE BECAUSE INTERNET"
 * CRUDE - COCK-BASED ANT & DEC
 * TRUTH - FACTS OF BEING AN OLD FART
 * BANGER - IN A COW-PAT

HELLO SPAM FOLDERS EVERYWHERE
 * CAGE - INFINITE NIC CAGE
 * GOOGLE+ - REALISTIC SIMULATOR
 * THEFT - YOUR STORIES

WHAT IS LUNCH? BABY DON'T HURT ME
 * YOUTUBE - CHANGES EXPLAINED
 * BOOZE - WITH MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES
 * HASSELHOFF - SINGS FRESH PRINCE

CHLAMYDIA IS A TERRIBLE NAME FOR A BABY
 * WEDDING - IN A BOX!
 * LEGO - YOUR STORIES
 * STAR WARS - BLOOPER REEL

NEVER USE INTERNET EXPLORER EVER
 * ANIM - MUFFIN SONG
 * GAME - NAME THAT 90S SMASH
 * MELON - RIGHT IN THE FACE

"EASTER EGG OF THE DAY: GOOGLING THE WORD 'ASKEW'"
 * GAME OF THRONES - DUBBED AS A COMEDY MOVIE
 * MORSE - LOLS FROM THE OLDE TIMEY INTERNET
 * COCKS - HIDDEN ON THE LONDON TUBE MAP

"JOLLY GREEN GIANT WINS NOBEL PEAS PRIZE"
 * ANIM - DOG IN A PARKED CAR
 * BOIK - WILLY-BEAKERS
 * ART - WITH SAUSAGES

12 SURPRISING REASONS YOUR PENIS WON'T WORK AS A BIRO
 * REVIEW - THE FLOPPYMAN PORTABLE MUSIC PLAYER
 * HATE - WHAT DOES THE DAILY MAIL THINK OF YOU?
 * MAGIC - LITTLE CHIMP SEES HER FIRST TRICK

YOU CAN'T FACTORISE SHEEP
 * BASH - PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
 * NANANA - BATDAD
 * DOG - DOG LOVES LEAVES

"SAUSAGES ARE NOT THE ONLY FRUIT"
 * EXORCISM - KATIE HOPKINS
 * GAME - JAWS, THE TEXT ADVENTURE
 * VID - AIRLINE SAFETY LOLS

WISHING YOU INTO THE CORNFIELD
 * MYSTERIES - OF THE DEEP
 * KIDS - ARE YOU DOWN WITH THEM?
 * HITLER VS TAYLOR SWIFT

EMAIL 1 OF ?
 * CAT FOOD - WHAT'S IT TASTE LIKE?
 * 80S POP - TEST YOUR SKILLS
 * STORY - PANINI PAEDOPHILES

"ALERT: ONLY 117 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!"
 * SUPER MARIO - MEETS PARKOUR
 * BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH - NAME GENERATOR
 * DAMASCUS - DO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW WHERE IT IS?

"NEWSLETTER DETAINED FOR 9 HOURS WITHOUT CHARGE."
 * ANIMATION - RACIST BRAINSTORMING
 * EXPLANATION - BEES!
 * LOCATION - LOCATE THE LONDON LOCATION

"7 WEEKS UNTIL YOU CAN BINGE WATCH BREAKING BAD"
 * WORDS - AMAZING KATE BUSH STORY
 * PHOTOS - FISH THAT LOOK HUMAN
 * MEAT - ARRANGE AS A SHIP

"KINGS OF LEON? PAH, I BET THEY'VE ONLY EATEN THERE ONCE AND AREN'T EVEN MAYOR"
 * DOCTOR WHO - IS MALCOLM TUCKER
 * BATMAN - CAN YOU DRAW HIM WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED?
 * BRASS EYE - THE PILOT

"IN THE UK ILLEGALLY? READ THIS OR FACE ARREST"
 * VID - BRAD AND ANGELINA FACE-MASH
 * GAME - DON'T SHOOT YOUR FRIENDS!
 * THE QUO - ADVERTISING MINCE

"THEY CAN'T BAN ASCII PORN"
 * RAP - LETTER TO DAVID CAMERON FROM DAN BULL
 * INVESTIGATION - WHAT EGG CUP PART TWO
 * QUESTION - WORST GIG YOU'VE EVER SEEN?

"B3TA WORTH $18BN MORE THAN DETROIT"
 * HORROR - YOUR BODY-WRONGS
 * CATS - YOUR NAME IN FRISKY FELINES
 * IOS7 - YOU REDESIGN APPLE'S GREATEST MISTAKE

"SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF CHEESE"
 * QUIZ - HOW WRONG ARE YOUR MISCONCEPTIONS?
 * HOOLIGANS - NARRATED BY DAVID ATTENBOROUGH
 * DIGITAL WATCH - THE CASIO F-91W

"HAPPY 2013TH BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!"
 * DOGS - PUSHING A TINY SHOPPING TROLLEY
 * TRON - IN SORT OF REAL LIFE
 * TITANIC - IN BAD JAPANESE

"COME ON, TIM!"
 * KITTENS - WHY DO WE LIKE THEM?
 * 12 X TABLE - WHY DO WE LEARN IT?
 * ACTRESSES - WHY DO WE EXPLODE THEM?

"B3TA NEWSLETTER HAS BEEN SENT. CHECK YOUR SPAM FOLDER"
 * WASPS - BEWARE THE GARDEN DEFENDER
 * MCAFEE - UNINSTALLS MCAFEE ANTIVIRUS
 * SICKTIONARY - THE RUDE EUPHEMISM THESAURUS

"PROTESTING AGAINST GLOBAL CAPITALISM BY DOING IT BADLY, SINCE 2001"
 * NEW MAC ANNOUNCED - REALLY?
 * ED BALLS - TEACHES TYPING
 * TURTLE - MAKE YOUR OWN KING KOOPA

"CEILING NSA IS WATCHING YOU MASTURBATE"
 * DAFT PUNK - SUPERPOWERLESS BEATBOX COVER
 * HITLER - SECRET BUNKER PICS
 * MORRISSEY - STYLED DICKENS HOMAGE

TOP 10 SUBJECTLINE FAILS
 * VID - POPE PERFORMS EXORCISM
 * TWEETS - TOP 4 BEST TWEETS EVER
 * FOOTBALL - THE ONLY FOOTY VID WE'VE EVER LIKED

I'VE GOT SMOOTHIE ALL DOWN MY CHIN *INNOCENT FACE*
 * * CRAZY DRUNK STUNTS - WITHIN REASON, OF COURSE
 * * STAR TREK - THE MIDDLE SCHOOL MUSICAL
 * * GOATSE AWARDS - MORE INAPPROPRIATE LOGOS

"AMERICAN TV IS NOW MAKING BLACK PEOPLE SING FOR GAS?"
 * CAR CHASE - WITH MICROMACHINES
 * CALL GIRLS - REVIEW ANALYSIS
 * CHOCTOPUS - JOEL'S KITCHEN SECRETS

"MORE GAGS THAN A MIDWEST BASEMENT"
 * TIME - AND YOUR INSIGNIFICANT PLACE IN IT
 * UN-WORDS - TO UNFORGET
 * CARELESS WHISPER - AS WALKING DEAD THEME

"EMAIL IS NOT DEAD. PLEASE TWEET YOUR FRIENDS TO LET THEM KNOW"
 * WORDS - AUTO-COMPLETING IPHONE HEADLINES
 * MAPS - SURNAMES MAPPED TO LOCATIONS
 * GALLERY - TONY HART STYLE B3TA FUN

"FUCK OFF, WE'RE WATCHING THE SNOOKER"
 * DAFT PUNK - SHREDDED
 * STAR WARS - IN 60 SECONDS
 * SPOONS - PLAYED TO OLD RAVE TUNES

"ED BALLS"
 * MOODY BLUES - SOUNDING AS GOOD AS EVER
 * TWITTER TOOL - WITHOUT MY PANTS
 * THATCHER - LIFE-SIZE CARDBOARD VERSION

"MAGGIE THATCHER WORM HATCHER"
 * JEREMY KYLE - VS. CASSETTEBOY
 * ED BALLS - EVERYWHERE, ON EVERYTHING
 * THATCHER - YOUR LOVING PHOTOSHOP TRIBUTES

"A VILE PRODUCT OF INTERNET CULTURE"
 * AMISH SEX PISTOLS - VS. AMISH BILL GRUNDY
 * WATCHING VOYEURS - IN 70S TOKYO
 * REASONABLE DEBATE - ON THE INTERNET!

"NOT THAT YOU'LL READ IT UNTIL TUESDAY, YOU SKIVING TWATS"
 * GHOST TOWN - STREET VIEW FUKUSHIMA
 * ONE DIRECTION - DUBBED IN SINISTER FOREIGN
 * TEETH - ACTRESSES WITHOUT THEM

"B3TA BAILOUT TO TAKE 10% OF YOUR LOLS"
 * STREETVIEW - NIGHTMARISHLY UNLEASHED
 * ADSENSE - COMICALLY MISUNDERSTOOD
 * THE IMPERIAL DEATH STAR - AN INSIDE JOB?

"HAPPY CHEESE PASTY AND A WANK DAY"
 * VIDEO QUIZ - CUM FACE OR AXE MASTER
 * PROJECT - MAKE YOUR BIN INTO A MONSTER
 * VIOLENCE - BEAT UP YOUR TODDLER

"PRINT OFF AND BURN WHEN YOU KNOW THE NEW POPE"
 * R KELLY - AND HIS MUSICAL TWITCHING
 * TRENT REZNOR - CALL ME MAYBE MASHUP
 * YOKO ONO - LALALALA UH UH UH UH EEEEOW!

"GEORGE OSBOURNE LOSES AAAAAAAAAAAAAA++++++++++ EBAY RATING"
 * SKRILLEX - POOPS
 * ONE DIRECTION - HIT IN NUTS
 * CATS - OF MEDIEVAL EUROPE

"ATHLETE'S LEGS FOUND IN LASAGNE"
 * BLACK METAL - INTERIOR DESIGN
 * LIFE ADVICE - FROM MACHINES
 * GOATS - YELLING LIKE HUMANS

"THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN WHO LIVED IN A SHOE. FUCKING TORIES."
 * MIDDLETON - ROYAL DOLL REVEALED
 * DR WHO - MISSING EPISODE MADNESS
 * BIG DATA PORN - PORNSTAR BREAKDOWN

"100% HORSEMEAT. NO BULL."
 * IMAGE CHALLENGE - STOP MOTIONS
 * OKCUPID - MEETS HORSE_EBOOKS
 * CHARLIE BROOKER - VS SHOPPING CHANNEL

"WELLARD, YOU STEER AND I'LL PRESS THE PEDALS"
 * LANCE ARMSTRONG - IS A CREEP
 * JIMMY SAVILE - DANCES FOR YOUR PLEASURE
 * BILL GATES - CAN JUMP OVER A CHAIR

"CALM DOWN DEAR. IT'S JUST A NEWSLETTER"
 * OBAMA - CASSETTEBOY INAUGURATION
 * SORRY - YOUR FINEST APOLOGIES
 * DIRTY - HATEFUL SCRABBLE TIPS

'SUBJECT LINE CANCELLED DUE TO 1" OF SNOW'
 * ORGAN - PRINCE CHARLES LOVES PIPES
 * TAT - MOBILE PHONE HIP FLASK
 * TUNE - MINOR CHORDS TO MAJOR

"WE'RE UNDERPAID SAY 99% OF THE PUBLIC"
 * TEDDYBEARS - ZOMBIFIED AND DEAD SCARY
 * PICS - CATS THAT LOOK LIKE PINUP GIRLS
 * DUMPED- YOUR ANSWERS TO OUT CHEERFUL QOTW

"THE REAL YEAR IS 13.75 BILLION+1. NOT 2013, YOU RELIGIOUS NUTS"
 * ANIM - BARLEY SAYS
 * PROJECT - THE "BOTHER-PROOF" CHRISTMAS CARD
 * RASPBERRY PI - WE BOUGHT ONE (THUMBS UP)

"FINALLY Y2K COMPLIANT"
 * STEVE JOBS VID - MAD, BAD & DEAD
 * CRAPPING PAPER - WONDERFULLY THOUGHTLESS WRAP
 * HOME ALONE - BURGLARS' INJURIES ANALYSED

"FRACKING YOUR INBOX FOR LOLGAS"
 * CLAYMATION - LEEHARDCASTLE'S BEST WORK YET
 * QUIZ - NAME THAT XMAS SONG THINGIE
 * PROJECT - SWEARING FRUIT ORCHESTRA

"DEAD BIRD WON'T SING AGAIN. PLEASE RETWEET."
 * CHALLENGE - MAKE US AN XMAS CARD
 * PHILOSOPHY - STAMPED ON KITTEN'S FACES
 * PIERS MORGAN - MOST HATED MAN ON TWITTER. FACT.

SELF-REGULATING SINCE 2001 AND WE HAVE TISSUES TO PROVE IT
 * LOCKERS - LONDON-WIDE ADVENT CALENDAR
 * PLANNING - SPOOF SIGNS
 * TINY - MEAL MADE FROM POWDERS

"JUST ONE MORE WEEK OF LOOKINGLIKEANONCEMBER TO GO"
 * SHOPPING - SPENDYBOT
 * LIAR LIAR - DANNY DYER
 * JAZZ - MILES DAVIS VS LCD SOUNDSYSTEM

"I'M A CHILD, GET THIS CELEBRITY OUT OF ME!"
 * PANTS - FOR DOGS
 * CGI DIRE STRAITS GUY - WHAT HE DID NEXT
 * GOATSE - SEND US A PRESS RELEASE

"HANDED TO DAVID CAMERON ON A PIECE OF CARD"
 * OBAMA - CELLPHONE FOOTAGE LEAKED
 * HORDAK - WHAT'S HE UP TO?
 * FUCK YOU - DAILY MAIL, SAYS PODCASTER

"NO LONGER AVAILABLE ON CEEFAX"
 * RAP - HIP-HOP BBC NEWS
 * ROMNOBAMA - CASSETTEBOY + PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES
 * MARIO LOW SCORE - A NEW WAY TO PLAY

"CONTAINS NO NEWS, IS NOT A LETTER. SINCE 2001."
 * RUDE FIREWORKS - RELABEL YOUR DISPLAY
 * DR WHO CIGAR AD - THE PAST IS A DIFFERENT COUNTRY
 * HORROR DILDOS - FOR ANNUAL, SEASONAL MASTURBATION

"WARNING: DO NOT READ IN CHRISTIAN B&BS"
 * PICS - FROM THE 'GUARDIAN TRUNCATION TEAM'
 * AMAZON - DEAN GAFFNEY FACE-CLOCK
 * ANSWERS - THE BEST STUFF YOU'VE MADE

"JOKE FREE FOR LEGAL PURPOSES"
 * COCKS - ADD THEM TO YOUR PHOTOS
 * HATE MAIL - PEOPLE WANT TO BE INSULTED
 * BABIES - SLOWED DOWN, AT LAST

"THE NEWSLETTER WAS ONLY THE START OF IT..."
 * SAVILE - KUNT WRITES THE INEVITABLE SONG
 * ART - BADLY DRAWN FILM FRAMES IN MAYA
 * TOO MUCH - FUNNY NAME CORNER :(

"ONE MINUTE YOU'RE TAKING REGISTER. NEXT DAY YOU'RE ON ONE."
 * CAT DETECTOR - NO MORE INTERNET KITTENS FOR YOU
 * BEN GOLDACRE - A 'SEXCLUSIVE' INTERVIEW
 * CUDDLY TOY - STINKY DADDY

"WE'RE SAVING THE PLEBS... TOGETHER!"
 * FUCKOMETER - WHY TWITTER IS SWEARING
 * CREDIT CARD FRAUD - MADE EASY
 * NICK CLEGG - SINGS

"LIKE TWO FRIED EMBASSIES"
 * KICKSTARTER - ICONTROL 2 - PLEASE DONATE!
 * CYRIAK - MAKES MUSIC VIDEO
 * FINANCIAL CRISIS - TRIVIALISED IN GIF FORMAT

"WARNING: MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF NUT(KIN)S"
 * FLUFF - TICKLISH MEERKAY
 * GIFS - NOW WITH SOUND!
 * BISCUITS - CELEB SNACK DATABASE

"DIANA'S 15TH ANNIVERSARY CAR CRASH ISSUE. NO LOLS HERE."
 * JAVASCRIPT - FOR CATS
 * BEST SHOVEL - EVER!
 * YOUR CAR KEYS - MAYBE!

"DAVID CAMERON IS NOW FOLLOWING YOU ON TWITTER!"
 * ART ATTACK - HOW TO DRAW A WILLY
 * AMAZON TAT - MORE JUNK WITH STUPID REVIEWS
 * DONATE - FOR THE RETURN OF GREAT GIANA SISTERS

"JULIAN ASSANGE'S FAVE DYLAN SONG? KNOCK KNOCKING ON ECUADOR"
 * CHEEKY NICE - KENTISH TOWN GAME SHOW
 * HAMBURGER - AUTOTUNED
 * FLUORIDE - ENEMY OR MENACE?

"TWO DAYS UNTIL THE NHS CLOSING CEREMONY"
 * ANIM - PRINTER JAM, FINAL TRAPPED IN TECH SONG
 * CYRIAK - MAKES STUFF FOR ADAM BUXTON
 * GIFS - AND THIS TIME THEY ARE SPOOKY

"B3TA UNACCOUNTABLY SILENT WHILE BEACH VOLLEYBALL IN PROGRESS"
 * READ - BEST EDITORIAL EVER
 * AMAZON TAT - PRINT OF WOMAN REJECTING FOOD
 * VIDEO - DANCING WALRUS

"OFFICAL PURILE DIGITAL ARTS COMMUNITY PARTNER OF THE 2012 OLYMPIC GAMES"
 * MAN OF STEEL - REJECTED TRAILER
 * NERDERY - CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE BEST DEATHS
 * JEREMY HUNT - DISCO REMIX

"DO PARANOID ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEPLE?"
 * SONG - COMPUTER GAMES STOLE MY FRIEND!
 * VID - WANKING LONDON
 * MAKE - MONITOR THAT ONLY YOU CAN READ

"DAVID BECKHAM HAS FRY ON HIS SHOULDER OVER OLYMPIC OMISSION"
 * VIDEO - KEITH THE MAGIC HOMELESS
 * AUCTION - JIM'LL FIX IT CHAIR FOR SALE
 * DRUGS - TWO SONGS ABOUT COCAINE

"FOREIGN? TRYING TO QUIT SMOKING? YOU'RE A TERRORIST"
 * B3TAN RECIPIES - SOME OF THEM ALMOST EATABLE
 * TIEBREAKER - WIN A WHEEL WITH 10 TONGUES
 * SONG - PHONE RAGE

"LESS CORRUPT THAN YOUR AVERAGE BANK BUT MORE LIKELY TO BE JAILED"
 * QUESTION - TELL US YOUR RECIPES
 * BATMAN - ON HOME-MADE BIKE
 * DALEKS - INVADE NEWCASTLE

"AMAZING NEW FACEBOOK FEATURE - HIT ALT-F4 TO SEE!"
 * SONG - INTERNET MICROCELEBRITY
 * QUESTION - HOW TO SURVIVE THE APOCALYPSE
 * IMAGES - NORTH KOREA RULES THE UK

"IF YOU HAVEN'T DONE IT ALREADY, TYPE 'ENGLISH PERSON' IN TO GOOGLE"
 * JON SNOW - ANIMATED NEWS ANTICS
 * JINGLES - FOR GORDON BROWN
 * SEXY MODELS - FALLING OVER

"EVEN BETTER THAN A NIGHT UNDER LONDON BRIDGE"
 * VIDEO - "INTERNET, INTERNET"
 * QUIZ - NAME ALL THE BOND FILMS
 * NSFW - INDIFFERENT CATS IN AMATEUR PORN

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE MA'AM, SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT"
 * JUBILEE CASSETTEBOY - IF YOU CAN FIND IT
 * MICROSOFT CLIPPY - ON EVERY WEBSITE!
 * WINEHOUSE DEATH HOUSE - YOUR CHANCE TO BUY

"BUY $38 B3TA SHARES HERE. SORRY, $28."
 * * SEX TOYS - YOUR FILTHY ANSWERS TO OUR QUESTIONS
 * * GAME - UTTERLY ADDICTIVE MINIMALIST RPG
 * * SLOW MO - IPHONE DOES 60FPS, WHO KNEW?

"PRINT IT OUT! WIPE YOUR ARSE ON IT!"
 * OLYMPICS - SHOOT THE PROTESTERS GAME
 * THE RAID - CLAYMATION BLOODBATH
 * REPUBLICAN BUTTPLUGS - SEXED-UP FIGURES

PRINCE CHARLES' LONG RANGE WEATHER FORECAST PREDICTS A LACK OF REIGN
 * HOSE BAN - FUN WITH PIPES
 * ACCENT - COMPELLING CHINESE INFOMERCIAL
 * IGNORE HITLER - ON DRAWSOMETHING

"B3TA: MORE SUBSCRIBERS THAN THERE ARE LIB-DEM VOTERS"
 * BIROS - ENTER OUR BIRO ART CHALLENGE
 * AMAZON TAT - TEACUP THAT LOOKS LIKE A BOG
 * HOARDING - TELL US YOUR STORIES OF MAD

"BROGRAMMERS: CODERS WHO LOVE BRO-JOBS"
 * FACEBOOK - ON ITS WAY OUT?
 * IMPACT - PICS OF THINGS GETTING SHOT
 * LAST BLOOD - RAMBO/SPECTRUM TRIBUTE

"GUARANTEED TO CONTAIN ABSOLUTELY NO REFERENCES TO L****N 2**2"
 * LYMPICS - ARE YOU OVEREXCITED ENOUGH?
 * HOT GIRLS - SING
 * TWATTERY - YOUR STORIES AND CONFESSIONS

"GAY BUSES SPREAD HGV VIRUS CLAIM CHRISTIANS"
 * ENNUI - THE TRAVAILS OF HENRI LE CHAT
 * GOATSE - BUT THE GOOD KIND
 * FRIDAY 13TH - MENTIONED ONLY THREE TIMES

"DELAYED WHILE THE GOVERNMENT READS IT FIRST"
 * VIDEO - CATS BOOBS RAINBOWS!
 * PRODUCT - ARMANDO IANNUCCI LONG HANDLED SHOPPING BAG
 * ALIEN - THE TEXT ADVENTURE

"EVERYONE WHO READS THIS NEWSLETTER WILL DIE. PLEASE SHARE."
 * HIPHOP - ABOUT SHOPPING CENTRES
 * SPAMBOT - JON RONSON VS MECHA-JON RONSON
 * BUMTHING - DRAW SOMETHING GONE WRONG

"NEWSLETTER MINIMUM CHARGE LAW SHOCK: 40P PER KITTEN UNIT"
 * DOORS! - HOW FUCKING GOOD ARE THEY?
 * 8BIT GAMING - PROBABLY SHIT BUT FUN TO LOOK AT
 * MATTRESSES - CELEBRITY LOOKALIKES

"IMAGINE BONO. THERE YOU GO, RUINED YOUR DAY"
 * ENORMOUS - GIGANTIC TOFFEE CRISP
 * INNUENDO - MASTERCHEF MUCK
 * UNHELPFUL - ONE-STAR AMAZON REVIEWS

"THE PERFECT REPLACEMENT FOR YOUR OLD SLETTER"
 * SLOTH - BABY BEAST IN CUTE PJS
 * GREED - YOUR MEATCAKE RECIPES
 * SPIDERS - HORRIBLE ANIM BY CYRIAK

"GRAMSCI'S THEORY OF HEGEMONY - THIS IS MY JAM"
 * CATS - BEING PLAYED LIKE DRUMS
 * GUNS - HOW THE TELLY PEOPLE FIB
 * MAYOR - VOTE SIR IAN BOWLER

"TESCO: WORK SETS YOU FREE"
 * KITTEN FIGHT - MAN BATTLES TINY CAT
 * CASSETTEBOY - TAKES ON THE NEWS
 * CRAZY SHIT - BEING SOLD BY AMAZON NOW

"MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF BRIAN BLESSED" "MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF BRIAN BLESSED"
 * BRIAN COX VS WEEBL
 * MARTIN AMIS VS SPACE INVADERS
 * DUBSTEP CAT - NEED WE SAY MORE?

"OPERATING A PERMANENT GEEK BAILOUT SINCE 2001"
 * DREDD - SCI FI MEETS KIDS' TV
 * OPTICAL - ILLUSIONS TO FUCK YOUR EYES
 * TOYS - WITH EMBARRASSING NAMES

"WHAT TIME IS IT? I DON'T KNOW, MY WATCH IS STILL BOOTING UP"
 * GIANT GIFS - ON BUS STOPS
 * HONEST - LOGOS THAT TELL THE TRUTH
 * RAP - KID VS ENGLISH TEACHER

"BETTER THAN AN EMAIL FROM LINKEDIN"
 * SEX & VIOLENCE - THE RULES EXPLAINED
 * WAITROSE - HATES YOU
 * LEGO ZX81 - WANTS YOUR ATTENTION

"THE ONLY NEWSLETTER IN THE WORLD THAT ACTUALLY NEEDS CENSORSHIP"
 * MEAT PLANET - SAGAN'S COSMIC BEAUTY
 * CLIFF RICHARD - DYING INSIDE
 * HELLO - SUNG BY HOLLYWOOD STARS

"CAN BOB HOLNESS DIE AGAIN TODAY? WE LIKED THE NOSTALGIA LAST FRIDAY"
 * * STREET ART - BEST OF 2011
 * * SLOTH - DRIP-DRY BABY
 * * SOCIOLOGISTS - REVIEW CHILDREN'S BOOKS

"BOB HOLNESS: NUS DECLARES WEEK OF MOURNING"
 * * PINGU - CLAYMATION HORROR
 * * RAMPAGE - CEMENT MIXER RUNS AMOK
 * * QUESTIONS - TONS OF YOUR COMMENTS AND STORIES

"SPOILER ALERT: YOU AND EVERYONE YOU EVER LOVED WILL DIE"
 * * MICROSOFT WORD - CLIP ART ALBUM COVERS
 * * CHALLENGE - CHRISTMAS WITH JAMES BOND
 * * QUESTION - YOUR WEIRD OCD RITUALS

"ASK DAVID HASSELHOFF YOUR QUESTIONS"
 * * CAT GIF + MUSIC - THE BEST THING EVER
 * * WHISTLING - TAKEN TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL
 * * CONSPIRACY - YOUR PET THEORIES EXPLAINED

"FACEBOOK: YOUR 0898 PARTY LINE RUN BY THE STASI"
 * * COOKING - WITH SEXY BANANAS
 * * PICS - ANIMALS DRESSED AS OTHER ANIMALS
 * * PORNO - THE MUSICAL

"WHAT'S WOOLLY AND BUILDING THREE BOMBS? BAA BAA MEINHOF"
 * * AMAZING PROJECTS - NICK GRIFFIN PUPPET!
 * * STASI HUMOUR - EAST GERMAN JOKES
 * * PICS - UGLY RENAISSANCE BABIES

"B3TA - NOT ASKED TO RUN 'CHILDREN IN NEED' SITE FOR 10 YEARS RUNNING"
 * * SONG - SANTA'S LAUGHTER MOCKS THE POOR
 * * QUIZ - MONKEON'S MOVIE/BOOK QUIZ
 * * LOOPS - HOW TO LOOP YOUTUBE VIDEOS

"SELLING OUT FASTER THAN THE SMITHS AT A JOHN LEWIS CHRISTMAS SALE"
 * MUMMIES - MUMMIES EVERYWHERE
 * INTERVIEW - JONTI PICKING EXCLUSIVE
 * KITTEN ALBUM COVERS - BEST THING EVER

"I PICKED THE WRONG DAY TO GIVE UP MOUSSAKA"
 * ELECTRIC DREAMS - AWESOME TRANNY TRIBUTE
 * HAKA - ON HEAVY DRUGS
 * PRISON - YOUR CHRISTMAS SURVIVAL GUIDE

"SHAVE IT OFF, IT GROWS BACK THICKER. I CANT WAIT TO SEE MY NEW WILLY"
 * MASTERCHEF INNUENDO - IN YOUR ENDO
 * GIFTS - APPLE CATALOG 1983
 * PLANE LANDING - NO FRONT WHEELS

"A GREAT DAY FOR DICTATOR SNUFF FANS"
 * HOVERBOARDS - QUANTUM LEVITATION
 * STONE ROSES - ON UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
 * TEENAGE MUTANT - NINJA NOSES

"WOOT WOOT 500TH NEWSLETTER"
 * * CHIP SHOP - A CELEBRATION IN RAP
 * * BARONESS THATCHER - YOUR SEXY FANFIC
 * * FOOD - SHEPHERDS' TRIFLE

"PICKETING THE INTERNET SINCE 2001"
 * LIONS - WHY ARE THEY LIONS?
 * BLACKBOARDS - IN PORN
 * JULIA ROBERTS - FRIGHTENS DOGS

"OMG THEY WANT TO START CHARGING FOR B3TA PUT THIS IN UR STATUS THIS IS SERIOUS"
 * ITV - "LOVES" VIDEO GAMES
 * LLAMAS - CUTEST FONT EVER
 * FOREIGN - TOP YOUTUBE LOLS IN OTHER COUNTRIES

"WORTH A MILLION OF NEXT WEEK'S NEWSLETTER"
 * MOUSTACHE - TOM SELLECK'S WONDERFUL LIP-HAIR
 * NOTICE - REAL WORLD TROLLING
 * PENGUIN - BEING AGGRESSIVE

"IF WE'RE 'ALL IN THIS TOGETHER' WHERE'S OUR COKE AND HOOKERS? "
 * TOURETTE'S - VS. LIONEL RICHIE'S 'HELLO'
 * GORILLA - BABY APE BATH-TIME FROLICS
 * EXTREME - FANCIFUL CAT BASKETS

"9/11 WAS A CONSPIRACY TO MAKE BRITS USE AMERICAN MONTH/DATE ORDER"
 * PROSTITUTES - MOST ALARMING PUNTERNET REVIEWS
 * PAPER - MYSTERY SCULPTURES OF SCOTLAND
 * PUPPIES - WITH WOBBLY EARS

"THE WORLD'S PREMIERE COLONEL GADAFFI FANZINE"
 * * POSSIBLY - "MARGARET THATCHER HAS EATEN MY SPERM"
 * * KLF - GOOGLE MAP
 * * CUTE - OTTERS AND KITTENS

"YOUR OTHER INADVERTENT WEEKLY DOSE OF ANTI-PSYCHOTICS"
 * * MONSTERS - 'PREVIOUSLY ON DOCTOR WHO'
 * * DUCT TAPE - VS TRON
 * * BEN WHEATLEY - TALKS KILL LIST

"CIVIL UNREST QUELLED BY BIG BROTHER RELAUNCH"
 * * CRAP DATES - IN 140 CHARACTERS
 * * RESULTS - IT'S "SEXY A-LEVEL" TIME AGAIN
 * * ROBOTS - SWARMBOT IS COMING

"RECORD NUMBER OF PEOPLE TURN OUT TO TOTTENHAM CAR BOOT SALES THIS WEEKEND"
 * * RIOTS - LOTS OF STUFF ABOUT THEM
 * * FEAR - THE MANY FACES OF GEORGE OSBORNE
 * * BEARDS - SHAVING IN REVERSE

"CHILEAN MINERS BEMOAN ONE YEAR SINCE THEY HAD GREAT ANAL SEX!"
 * OWLS - ROTATED FOR SCIENCE
 * FLYERS - SILLIEST EVER
 * BELUGA - MARIACHI WHALE

"DEBT CEILING CAT IS WATCHING YOU DEFAULT"
 * TRUTH - OBAMA VS CASSETTEBOY
 * PROTEST - I THREW IT ON THE GROUND
 * IPLAYER - ON YOUR KINDLE
 *

"RUSSIA FINALLY RECOGNISE HEROIN NOT JUST 'TURBO SHERBET'"
 * FUCK - JOEL KICKS YOU IN THE FUCK
 * BASS - GET SWEDE MASON IN THE CHARTS
 * APES - CHARLTON HESTON VS BENNY BENASSI

"IT'S LIKE A 486... BUT ONE LOUDER"
 * POTTER - SUPER-QUICK CATCH-UP
 * ZOO - OF THE PAST
 * SARUMAN - TROLOLOL

"TAKEN UP THE OXO TOWER BY MURDOCH SINCE 2001"
 * CAMP - CARRY ON VADER
 * SATAN - IN SONG LYRICS
 * CATS - FOR GOLD

"THE SATURDAY GUARDIAN INTERNET PAGE - ONE DAY EARLY"
 * * BEAUTIFUL - BUTTERY BISCUIT BASS
 * * BIZARRE - STRANGE PUB FIND
 * * BOLLOCKS - AUTO-CV GENERATOR

"BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T AFFORD A GLASTONBURY TICKET"
 * ANIM - SEX-WOGAN
 * CAMERA - IN THE POST
 * FOX - VS JON STEWART

"IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY. THAT'LL BE $2.99, PLEASE"
 * NAZIS - ON THE BBC
 * DR WHO - KNICKERS. APPARENTLY.
 * LULZSEC - CRAZY CGI HACKER NEWS

"UNLIKE LEICESTER, WE HAVE A ZOMBIE ATTACK STRATEGY"
 * SPACE - ZOOMY FRACTAL MUSIC VID
 * COMIC - MORBID GEESE
 * DR WHO - THE ANIME!

"FREE SONY DATABASE WITH EVERY COPY"
 * QUIZ - ARE YOU A GUARDIAN OR MAIL READER?
 * CYRIAK - RAISES THE BAA FOR ANIMATION
 * VIDEO - WOMAN WITH BOOBS ON HER BACK

"POST-RAPTURE EDITION"
 * * KIDS - AUTOMATIC CBEEBIES MACHINE
 * * SHOELACES - YOU'RE DOING THEM WRONG
 * * BALLS - MAKE PRETTY TUNES

"PONY'S DAY TRIP RUINED BY RAIL STAFF"
 * KITTEN - THAT SMOKE FAGS
 * SQUIRRELS - DEAD, AND PLAYED WITH BY CHILD
 * QUESTION - TROLLS. TELL US ABOUT TROLLS

"ASK JEEVES BEMOANS LACK OF FACEBOOK SMEAR"
 * FACEBOOK FIGHTS - NICK CLEGG VS HITLER
 * BREAKING THE LAW - SUPERINJUNCTION SONG
 * WATERBOARD CATS - THE AUSTRALIAN WAY

"THIS NEWSLETTER SUBJECT LINE WAS OUR SECOND PREFERENCE"
 * * LEONARD NIMOY - ON LASER DISCS
 * * NEWSPAPER - TROLLING FROM FUN
 * * VIDEO - ROCKET TEST FOOTAGE

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDRE AGASSI!"
 * * BOLLOCKS - TO THE ROYALS
 * * BOLOCKS - TO THE TORIES
 * * AND BOLLOCKS - TO THE WHOLE DAMN LOT OF IT

"KATE MIDDLETON'S ULTRASOUND PICTURES SOUVENIR EDITION."
 * * EXPLORE - INSIDE NETTO
 * * ROBOTS - FOR CHARITY
 * * UNDERGROUND - SECRET POSTMAN RAILWAY

"'QUOTES OFF THE INTERNET MAY NOT BE GENUINE' - ABRAHAM LINCOLN"
 * * BABY HUMAN - SNEEZES
 * * DEATH STAR - HIS IDEA
 * * HARRY - MEETS NEW SALLY

"WEUNDERVALUEANYCAR.COM"
 * * SONG - TWITTER SYNTH POP
 * * VID - HAWKING RAP BATTLE
 * * TRAUMA - B3TAN NIGHTS OUT

"BETTER THAN A POKE IN THE EYE WITH A SHARP STIFFY"
 * * KUNT - ROYAL WEDDING NO 1 BID
 * * WEEBL - DOING MORE BADGER SHIT. REALLY.
 * * US! - ON HER MAJESTY'S BBC RADIO 4

"GOING TO WAR IN THE MIDDLE-EAST, CAUSE IT WENT SO WELL LAST TIME"
 * PARTY - IN *YOUR* ROOM
 * KATE & WILLS - MISPRINT MUGS?
 * BABIES - NOT LAUGHING

"YOUR WEEKLY DOSE OF LIES AND VIRAL ADVERTS"
 * * SPOCK - WHAT'S IN HIS SCANNER?
 * * EVA BRAUN - IN BLACK-FACE MAKEUP
 * * MATT BAKER - VS THE PM

"FACEBOOK HAS BEEN BLOCKED IN LIBYA. COLONEL GADDAFI LIKES THIS."
 * EXCITEMENT - THERE'S A THING ON THE INTERNET!
 * THRILLS - SOME OF OUR FRIENDS KNOW MYSQL!
 * SPILLS - OOPS, THERE GOES OUR TEA

"PUTTING HA-LOL-CIGENS IN YOUR NESCAFE"
 * OSCARS - 'WINNERS' IN ADVANCE
 * FEAR - THE GREAT AMERICAN BUBBLE
 * LASERS - LASER KITTEN BOWLING

"B3TA NEWSLETTER - THE BITS OF THE WEB THAT AREN'T JUSTIN FUCKING BIEBER"
 * STUTTER - THE KING'S RAP
 * DRUNK - TODDLER RAMPAGE
 * SICKBAG - ROYAL WEDDING SOUVENIR

"MUBARAK DOUBLE QUACK DOUBLE QUACK"
 * * WINDOW LICKER - SINGING FOX
 * * PANCHUKS - KUNG FU FRYING PAN
 * * JOY DIVISION - RECREATED IN PLASTIC

"NEWSLETTER TIME - READ IT, MAIL BITS TO COLLEAGUES, FUCK OFF HOME"
 * * CALENDAR - TORY GEORGE AND HIS LEATHER CHAPS
 * * PODCAST - ROOM 404 ACTUALLY HAPPENED
 * * CHALLENGE - LITERAL SONG TITLES

"CUT OUT AND KEEP AMSTRAD CPC464 COMMEMORATIVE ISSUE"
 * POKES AND PEEKS - YOUTUBE INFINITY LIVES POKE!
 * IPHONE 4 - NO TAPE DRIVE SHOCK!
 * FACEBOOK - EXCITING 'FRIEND BASED' TYPE-IN!

"IMPLANT JOKES ARE THE BREAST ONES. BUT CAN GO TITS UP."
 * * VID - MAGIC OTTER TRANSLATED
 * * SFX - MAKE YOUR OWN 8-BIT SOUNDS
 * * APP - B3TA ON YOUR IPHONE

"WARNING: MAY CONTAIN LIBEL, OR OTHER BLOOD PRODUCTS"
 * * PICS - AWKWARD MILIBAND MOMENTS
 * * COLOURING IN - WITH JULIAN ASSANGE
 * * QUESTION - BULLSHITTY BULLSHITTERS

"ULTIMATE FRISBEE IS NOT A REAL SPORT. IT'S JUST SHIT*"
 * * QUORA - CWORA, KIA-ORA ETC
 * * SWEDEMASON - BACK WITH A MESSAGE FOR HIS HATERS
 * * BUSES - ATTACKED IN FRIGHTENING VIDEO

B3TA REVIEW OF THE YEAR 2010 A TO Z
 * * DON'T READ THIS VERSION
 * * READ THE VERSION IN THE FEATURES LIST
 * * AS IT HAS PICS IN IT

"B3TA NEWSLETTER: YULE LOVE IT!"
 * * KUNT - WE CAN DO IT! WE CAN!
 * * CHARLIE MANSON - CASIO KEYBOARD FUNK-MEISTER
 * * QUIMS - WHY NOT COLOUR THEM IN?

"LOCKED UP WITHOUT CHARGE OR BAIL (OR CAKE) FOR PUBLISHING THIS"
 * CYRIAK - MAKES VIDEO FOR NINJA TUNE
 * SURPRISING OPINION - JULIAN ASSANGE IS GORGEOUS
 * CASH4GOLD - LEPRECHAUNS WAITING FOR YOUR CALL

"[TITLE]NEWSLETTER[/TITLE]"
 * SNOW - MUM MEETS GIANT ICE-COCK
 * PICS - CAN YOU IDENTIFY YOUR HOME TOWN?
 * SMUG - LET SMUGOPEDIA IMPROVE YOUR SNEERING

"WE LIKE N. KOREA, AND WE LIKE S. KOREA. BUT WHICH IS BETTER? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT..."
 * * ZOMBIES - IN RETROLAND
 * * CATS - IN FESTIVE WRAPPING
 * * KUNT - FOR XMAS #1

"QUITTING THE ONE SHOW TO BE A FULL TIME SEX PEST"
 * HARRY POTTER - CASSETTEBOY-STYLE
 * GOOD DOG - DOES TRICKS
 * HOW TO - "BIG MOTHERFUCKING LENS"

"B3TA APPLAUDS RISKY ROBIN HOOD AIRPORT VIRAL MARKETING CAMPAIGN"
 * SONG - MILLBANK WANKERS
 * AUTOCORRECT - IPHONE LOLS
 * JUNK - YOUR REDUNDANT TECH

"PERHAPS APPROPRIATELY, THERE IS NO 'U' IN 'OSBORNE'"
 * OWL - OWLS ARE COOL
 * COMIC - COMMON PEOPLE
 * VIDEO - ALAN PARTRIDGE RETURNS

"THE IPHONE - BEING HELD INCORRECTLY SINCE 1928"
 * VIDEO - DAVID CAMERON SINGS
 * CSS TIPS - HOW TO MAKE 80S ALBUM COVERS
 * KITTENS - FAINTING KITTENS REMIX

"OSBOURNE: LET THEM EAT CAKE"
 * CAT - VS PRINTER, TRANSLATED
 * CUTS - SIR IAN BOWLER SINGS
 * GIFS - EMOTE GLOSSARY

"CLAIRE RAYNER; NOW WITH WINGS!"
 * TORY - SIR IAN BOWLER ON CHILD BENEFIT
 * STORY - "IMPALED ON MY OWN SCULPTURE"
 * RHYMING - THIS IS ENGLAND RAP

"DOUGH - YOUR COUNTRY KNEADS YOU"
 * * BELLS - ON YOUR CLOTHES
 * * BREASTS - DO MEN STARE AT THEM?
 * * BALLOON - IN SPACE. WITH RICK ASTLEY.

"KIM UNVEILS SUCCESSOR TO STUNNED MEL"
 * PAPER PLANES - DROPPED FROM THE EDGE OF SPACE
 * BOOKS - JUDGED BY THEIR COVERS
 * CHALLENGE - MR ED, THE TALKING POLITICIAN

"SPECIAL CHRIS MOYLES CHARITY FUNDRAISER EDITION"
 * FUCK MY EYES - FUNNY NAME CORNER IS BACK
 * VIDEO - DOG ON ESCALATOR
 * CUTE - SANDKITTENS!

"GET YOUR TAX MONEY BACK BY ROBBING FROM A CATHOLIC COLLECTION PLATE"
 * * POPE STUFF - YEAH, BIG SURPRISE THERE
 * * QUESTION - CONFESS YOUR AWFUL DRUGGY WAYS
 * * VIDEO - TOURETTE'S GUY SINGS ERASURE

"IF YOU'RE NERVOUS ABOUT YOUR FIRST PORN SHOOT JUST IMAGINE EVERYONE NAKED"
 * PRODUCTS - AN "AIDS" BABY BIB
 * CATS - IN THEIR OWN MINI VILLAGE
 * SHAUN RYDER - ON HOLIDAY

"WE'RE NOT READING BLAIR'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY...TOGETHER"
 * DIRTY - CASSETTEBOY VS. DRAGONS' DEN
 * DANGEROUS - SHEEP VS. DECK CHAIR
 * PLASTIC - HOMELESS PEOPLE VS. CREDIT CARDS

"GREEN BIN FOR CARDBOARD, BLUE BIN FOR CATS"
 * OWLS - WITH HANGOVERS
 * COWELL - WITH A SMILE
 * TWAT - WITH A GUN

"RIP MONSTER TRUCK"
 * EXPERIMENTS - HUMAN VS RAT!
 * ENLIGHTENMENT - BY LOOKING AT, ERR, YOU'LL SEE
 * READ IT - ENGLISH AS SHE IS SPOKE

"B3TA TALKS TO BRIAN BLESSED"
 * BRIAN BLESSED - WE TALK TO HIM!
 * SHOUTING - OUR EARS ARE BLEEDING
 * DID WE MENTION - BRIAN BLESSED?

"NAOMI CAMPBELL UPSET AT GAINING 3 STONES OVERNIGHT"
 * ROCKY - OFFICIAL B3TA CAT VIDEO
 * SNAILS - WITH PAINTINGS ON THEIR BACKS
 * PETER SERAFINOWICZ - INTERVIEWED BY B3TANS

"MAKING A PIG'S VAGINA OF IT"
 * FEAR - SEX-MAD ANNE ROBINSON
 * GLOWING - GLOWSTICK TOILET
 * CUTE - BABY COSTUMES
 * CONFUSED - OUR DEMOGRAPHIC

"PRINCE PHILLIP HAS HIS INVITE TO THE BNP'S BARBEQUE WITHDRAWN"
 * SONG - DAVE THE FRIDGE
 * LIES - IN ONLINE DATING. SURELY NO!
 * SURFING - ON TARPS

"RIP HAROLD SHIPMAN, YOU LEGEND"
 * OVERDOSE - A DAY OF ATARI 2600
 * JEDI CAT - WITH A LIGHTSABER
 * KARAOKE - JEWEL SINGS JEWEL

"SOMEONE SHOULD START A PETITION TO BAN FOOTBALL FROM VUVUZELA CONCERTS"
 * KUNT VID - "I WAS PISSED OUT OF MY HEAD!"
 * DOGS - WIPING THEIR BOT-BOTS FOR YOU
 * KITTENS - CHASING STRING, CAUGHT ON CAMERA!

"NOT AS POSH AS THE TIMES, BUT AT LEAST IT'S FUCKING FREE"
 * CARTOON - STEPHEN FRY!
 * SURPRISE - NINJA CAT ATTACK
 * COCKS - ON LADY CELEBS

"THE NEWSLETTER THAT GETS A WORSE RECEPTION THAN AN IPHONE 4"
 * SEXY BOOBS - YOU WILL BE VERY AROUSED
 * CUTE - KITTEN RIDING TORTOISE
 * YOUR NEW PET - THE IMMORTAL DOG

"IN THE TIME IT TAKES TO READ THIS, SOMEONE ELSE WILL HAVE BECOME A 'SOCIAL MEDIA EXPERT'"
 * NOISE - VUVUZELA REMOVER
 * INTERVIEW - RICHARD HERRING TALKS TO B3TA
 * BP - COFFEE SPILL

SOMETHING SOMETHING FOOTBALL LOL!
 * TROUSERS - NO HANDS PANTS DANCE
 * HORROR - CHINCHAP I LOVE YOU
 * TONGUES - CUTE ANIMALS STICK THEM OUT

"IT'S CHRISSSSTTMASSSSS!!!"
 * PRINTER - MADE OF LEGO!
 * BORIS - MAYOR OF LONDON BOUNCY DANCE TRACK
 * PICS - IN THE CREATIONIST MUSEUM

"THE ONE YOU READ WHILE PRETENDING IT'S THE WAITROSE NEWSLETTER #MIDDLECLASSNIGHTMARES"
 * VEITCH - MAKES US LAUGH DESPITE OURSELVES
 * QUIZ - ON BOOKS. YOU LOVE BOOKS.
 * QUESTION - WHAT PROFESSIONS DO YOU HATE THE MOST?

"THIS WEEK CONTAINING AN ASCII PIC OF MOHAMMED"
 * ANIM - THE HORN OF BUNTY
 * ABC - FOR GEEKS
 * MUSIC - TOY TRUMPET VIRTUOSO

"YOU DIDN'T VOTE FOR THIS NEWSLETTER BUT HERE IT IS ANYWAY"
 * VID - FLIP FLOPS
 * COSTUME - DEATH STAR
 * ANIMALS - RIOT DOG

"A GOOD DAY TO BURY BAD NEWS"
 * HEADLINES - SOMETHING ABOUT KITTENS! LOL!
 * MORE STUFF - PROBABLY A QUESTION THING
 * EVEN MORE - MAYBE COMEDY RUDE VEGETABLE. ROFL.

"B3TA REFUSES TO APOLOGISE FOR CALLING ALL DAILY MAIL READERS BIGOTS"
 * MARLON BRANDO - BUTTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW
 * GOSH - EVERYBODY DRAW MOHAMMED DAY
 * QUESTION - TELL US ABOUT YOUR NEMESIS

"WE BET THE TABLOIDS ARE REALLY HOPING SOMEONE THROWS AN EGG AT NICK CLEGG."
 * * CRAP OLD WEBSITES - MOCKED FOR YOUR PLEASURE
 * * HITLER - BUY A PRINT ON AMAZON
 * * SOME SHIT POLITICAL JOKES - ...THAT'LL DATE BADLY

"CHIROPRACTORS ARE BOGUS SPINE WIZARDS, SUE US IF YOU DARE"
 * * STUPID FIGHT - WHO'S GOT THE DUMBEST FOLLOWERS?
 * * CUNT! - B3TAN CALLS CAMERON A CUNT ON ITV. YAYS!
 * * SOME KIND OF MUSIC QUIZ THING - YES, BELIEVE IT

"PALLBEARERS GO ROUND THE OUTSIDE, ROUND THE OUTSIDE, ROUND THE OUTSIDE"
 * * VOTING - WE TEACH YOU VOTER APATHY
 * * DAILY MAIL - THIS WEEK'S LOVE LETTER IS A QUIZ
 * * RICHARD MADELEY - UTTERLY MASHED UP FOR YOU

"I WAS SUCKING OFF THIS BIRD LAST NIGHT WHEN I THOUGHT, 'WAIT A MINUTE...'"
 * QUIZ - 80S TV QUIZ MEGAMIX
 * SONG - THE AXOLOTL SONG
 * QUESTION - ARE YOU PREJUDICED?

"MAY CONTAIN JOKES ABOUT THE BUDGET, BY PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW ECONOMICS"
 * AWKWARD - ROB'S FOOTBALL SONG
 * IGNORANT - YOUR TALES OF NAIVETY
 * INCEST - IN STAR WARS

"MAKE $$$S FAST - HOLD DOWN SHIFT+4"
 * * SONG - HOME TAPING IS KILLING MUSIC
 * * VID - CHATROULETTE IMPROV SONG
 * * PROCRASTINATION - MAYBE LATER

"DON'T FORGET TO PUT YOUR CLOCKS FORWARD THIS WEEKEND!!"
 * INSANITY - CYRIAK'S LOOPS
 * JOY - BOOBIES & KITTENS
 * NOSTALGIA - GIF HEAVEN

"IF YOU ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY VIEWING THIS NEWSLETTER, VIEW IT ONLINE HERE: HTTP://TINY.CC/BY2YP"
 * VIDEO - JOEL MAKES A BACON ROCKET
 * HOMEOPATHY - AND WHY WE LOVE IT
 * QUESTION ON GINGERS - GOES BADLY

"AND THEN GOD CREATED SATURN... AND HE LIKED IT, SO HE PUT A RING ON IT. "
 * CARTOON - VAGINA DENTATA
 * VIDEO - JAMES BOND'S ANNOYING CALLS
 * QUESTION OF THE WEEK - GINGERS, OH GOD

"THAT'S RIGHT - ANOTHER WEEK HAS FLOWN BY AND YOU'VE ACHIEVED NOTHING"
 * REAL WORLD CHALLENGE - REARRANGE STUFF IN SHOPS
 * COOKING - A GUIDE TO MAKING BLACK PUDDING
 * NOT FEATURING - PLEASEROBME.COM COZ IT'S EVERYWHERE

"FASHIONABLY LATE FOR ITS OWN FUNERAL"
 * SHOUT - MEL GIBSON CUT-UP
 * SHRED - COOL POST BOX PRANK
 * STAR WARS - WITH THE OSMONDS

"CRASHING INTO YOUR INBOX LIKE A FAULTY TOYOTA"
 * PRINTY - ROYAL SEMI-NUDE CALENDAR
 * CELEBS - WITH SHORTER LEGS!
 * REVIEWS - CRAP APPS!

"HEY YOU, THE ROCK STEADY CREW, SHOW 'EM WHAT TO DO, HAVE A WANK, DO A POO"
 * PAIN - MUSICAL SPOCK
 * HORROR - THE THING UK
 * WINDOWS - 3.1 IN JAVASCRIPT

"STATUS QUO RE-RELEASE ROCKING ALL OVER THE WORLD FOR THE HAITI EARTHQUAKE APPEAL"
 * MUSIC - CLUNK-CLICK REMIX
 * BIRDS - ROCKING OUT
 * VID - DIRTY FRENCH GRAFFITI

"I PUT MY HEAD ON THE FLOOR AND THEN TUMBLE FORWARDS. THAT'S HOW I ROLL"
 * SONG - THE INTERNET IS MADE OF CATS
 * QUACKS - CELEBTASTIC BEN GOLDACRE BONUS BIT
 * NSFW - ENTIRELY RUDE SECTION

"I'M WEARING A BLUE BRA LOL"
 * ANIM - FAST-PACED SKETCH SHOW
 * VINTAGE - PAST-TIMES PRINT ADS
 * MASHUP - USHER AND A GOAT

"RIP TELETEXT. YOU WERE LIKE THE INTERNET IF IT WAS BOUGHT FROM A POUND SHOP."
 * ADVICE - HOW TO CURE THE SHITS WITH BISTO
 * SHIT LOLS - BEST XMAS FUNNY NAME EVER. PROMISE.
 * SCHADENFREUDE - WHAT A DIFFICULT WORD TO SPELL

"I'M JOSEF FRITZL AND NO WINDOWS WAS MY IDEA."
 * VIDS - HAVE A HIBBETTY CHRISTMAS!
 * PUNS - ARE MIGHTIER THAN THE SWEDE
 * NEIGHBOUR HATE - PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE WIFI

"I'VE FINISHED ALL THE CHOCOLATES IN MY ADVENT CALENDAR; WHY THE FUCK ISN'T IT CHRISTMAS?"
 * WORLDFACE - LIKE FACEBOOK BUT WITH COUNTRIES
 * KUNT - HE'S BACK WITH 'WANK FANTASY'
 * CHERYL COLE - OUR NEW TWITTER FRIEND

"FREE TEXT FILE INSIDE"
 * BOOZE - 100 SHOTS IN 100 MINS
 * SONG - DEAR MANDY
 * STAND UP - YOUR CHANCE TO DO SOME COMEDY

"TEA IS FOR MUGS"
 * LOVE - JOEL LOVES BEN GOLDACRE
 * PAWN - CATS FOR GOLD
 * VID - BEST BATMAN SPOOF EVER

"U SHOULD MAKE ALL THE LINKS IN THE 404 NEWSLETTER GO TO 404 PAGES. LOL"
 * SCARY - MAN DRESSED AS BAT
 * SPACKY - 2-FRAME ANIMATIONS
 * QUIZ - WITH QUIZIPEDIA

"WE POSTED THIS NEWSLETTER THREE WEEKS AGO! BLOODY ROYAL MAIL."
 * * CUTE - SLEEPY THINGS REALLY ARE THE BEST
 * * RUBBISH TOWNS - ALL YOUR NOMINATIONS IN FULL
 * * CHALLENGE - CAN YOU FAKE HISTORY?

"JEFFREY DAHMER JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT A BABOON MIGHT TASTE LIKE."
 * PHOTOS - ANGRY PEOPLE IN LOCAL NEWSPAPERS
 * QUESTION - YOUR HORRID FETISHES
 * ANNOUCING - SICKIPEDIA COMEDY NIGHT

"NICK GRIFFIN MAY WELL BE A HORRID RACIST BUT AT LEAST HE IS NOT BLACK"
 * FACT - AD CREATIVES ARE TWATS
 * MICROSOFT - EVERYBODY LOVES REDMOND
 * CHALLENGE - IF CORPORATE LOGOS TOLD THE TRUTH

"YOUR LATEX VAGINA ORDER HAS BEEN DISPATCHED"
 * VID - GORDON RAMSEY THROUGH MICROSCOPE
 * TOON - AMAZING HORSE
 * GIF - EVERY 'UNDER CONSTRUCTION' PIC EVER

"THE SECOND MOST-SEARCHED WORD ON GOOGLE - PRON"
 * INTERVIEW - B3TA TALKS TO EOIN COLFER
 * SONG - CELEBRATING THE 80S
 * VEITCH - SINGS ABOUT LAMB INSTEAD OF PORK

"WHY SHOULD I GO TO SOMEONE'S FUNERAL IF THEY AREN'T GOING TO ATTEND MINE?"
 * SONG - LETTER TO LILY ALLEN
 * CHALLENGE - HOLLYWOOD PUN PORN FILM TITLES
 * QUESTION - YOUR IT SUPPORT TALES OF WOE

"INTERNET DATING: THE ODDS ARE GOOD BUT THE GOODS ARE ODD."
 * THIS WEEK:
 * * CYRIAK - ON ALAN TITCHMARSH
 * * TOP TIP - DOES SEMEN SHOW UNDER UV LIGHT?
 * * NEW SECTION - "SHIT INTERNET DRAGONS' DEN"

"WHY IS THERE A MAN IN THE BOTTOM CORNER OF MY TV PLAYING CHARADES?"
 * VID - MAN VS GPS
 * DATING - WHAT NOT TO SAY ONLINE
 * WET OWLS - WELL, JUST ONE

"THE BEST THING AL QAEDA EVER DID WAS RUIN MOBY'S BIRTHDAY"
 * * MUSIC - MUSHROOMS ROCK OUT!
 * * POOP - FROM BEARS!
 * * COCKS - IN UNSETTLING DETAIL!

"NO + ROHYPNOL = YES"
 * JOKES - REAL WORLD TESTING
 * NERDS - WEEBL'S 8-BIT JAPES
 * MUSIC - TERRIBAD 2001

"TITLE TITLE TITLE TITLE"
 * * ANIM - WATERMELONS!
 * * TWITS - SHIT MY DAD SAYS
 * * FASHION - ARSE-WINKERS(TM)

"A G N B. THAT'S BANG OUT OF ORDER."
 * HTML - THE SECRETS BEHIND FUJITSU
 * BREASTS - MAKING ICE-CREAM FROM HUMAN MILK
 * VIDEO - DOLPHIN WEDDING

"READ IT HERE, OR SEE IT IN THE SUN WITH THE TAGS CROPPED OFF"
 * * CHALLENGE - MOCK PARLIAMENT AND WIN A LAPTOP
 * * CYRIAK - MAKES VID THAT'LL FREAK OUT YOUR CAT
 * * ANTHEA TURNER - DOES SHE HAVE A PENIS?

"WHO ELSE'S HEART SKIPS A BEAT WHEN YOUR GIRLFRIEND ASKS TO USE YOUR PC?"
 * CATS - KITTEN NEWZ
 * DOLLS - ARGOS JADE TRIBUTE
 * PRISON - JAILBIRD INVENTIONS

"WE LIKE TO SCARE DEAF PEOPLE BY YAWNING"
 * MUSIC - JEREMY CLARKSON BEATBOX
 * INTERVIEW - KUNT SPEAKS
 * PICS - OBAMA + UNICORNS

"WAS JACKO MURDERED? AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHY DIDNT WE THINK OF IT FIRST?"
 * VIDEO - LOTS OF KNOB GIFS. WOO-HOO.
 * QUIZ - CAN YOU MATCH THE TAGLINE TO THE FILM?
 * CHALLENGE - YES, THANK YOU B3TA, MORE KITTENS

"YOU KNOW IT'S A GOOD POO WHEN YOU COME BACK AND YOUR SCREENSAVER'S ON."
 * DAVID ICKE - YEP, WE'RE ANNOYING HIM AGAIN
 * SPECIAL EFFECTS - YOUR GUIDE TO BEING ACE
 * HITLER - NOW ON TWITTER

"SUBJECT LINE CANCELLED DUE TO LACK OF CELEBRITY FATALITIES"
 * * VIDEO - KNUT'S TRIBUTE TO JACKO
 * * DAILY MAIL - WHAT SHOULD YOU BE SCARED OF NOW?
 * * CHALLENGE - DRAW HITLER

"THATCHER - HURRY UP AND DIE SO WE CAN HAVE A NEW IMAGE CHALLENGE"
 * * ANIM - JACKO'S SECRET BASEMENT
 * * READ - EMAILS FROM AN ASSHOLE
 * * VID - "I'M PISSING ON YOUR CAR"

"FARRAH WHO?"
 * * MEAT COCKTAILS - THE BACON MEATINI
 * * VIDEO - GAMER KID SPAZZ-OUT
 * * FUNNY NAME CORNER - SADLY, IT'S BACK

"WIND TURBINES. WE'RE BIG FANS"
 * * SONG - I SUCKED OFF A BLOKE
 * * TATS - WORLD'S WORST BODY ART
 * * DOGS - LILLY ALLEN VS LITTLEST HOBO

"APPEAL: JUST £1 CAN BUY ANOTHER TRIPWIRE FOR THATCHER'S HOUSE"
 * LOTTO - HOW MUCH CASH HAVE YOU NOT WON?
 * SWEETS - MAD JAPANESE CANDY
 * CUTE - ANIMALS WITH CASTS

"THE ROAD TO ORGASM IS LITTERED WITH PITFALLS, GLASSHOPER"
 * BOOKY THING - BESTEST COMPUTER GAME CHARACTERS
 * IMAGE CHALLENGE - SHATNER, WILLIAM SHATNER
 * FUNNY NAME CORNER - IT'S BACK, SORRY

"CARLSBERG DON'T DO ALZHEIMER'S. JUST EXCEEDINGLY GOOD CAKES."
 * * VID - CASSETTEBOY VS THE APPRENTICE
 * * QUESTION - UNEXPECTED NUDITY
 * * TIME HACKS - USING TIME TRAVEL TO BANG LADIES

"ANYONE ELSE NOTICED THAT CARLSBERG DO SOD ALL?"
 * LOL 'FAT' CATS - NOPE, NOT WITH ACTUAL CATS
 * VEITCH - LION TOASTERS
 * NAZIS - ON THE MOON!

"IT'S FRIDAY! GO HOME!"
 * VIDEO - TOUCHING TRIBUTE TO PETER ANDRE
 * SLOW MOTION - JOEL SLOBBERS FOR LOLS
 * ADVERTISING - RIFFING ON 2 GIRLS 1 CUP?

"FREE GURKHA KNIFE FOR EVERY READER!"
 * IMAGE CHALLENGE - YEP, B3TA VS TWITTER
 * QUESTION - CONFESS YOUR GAMBLING PROBLEMS
 * DRIED NASAL MUCUS - BIGGEST SNOTBALL EVER

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE AT SOME POINT"
 * VEITCH - SINGS 'BAGGER 288'
 * QUESTION - ARE YOU TURNING INTO YOUR PARENTS?
 * CHALLENGE - HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID ICKE

"HEADS AND KNEECAPS... TRUNCHEON BLOWS... TRUNCHEON BLOWS"
 * QUESTION - OUTDOOR SEX?
 * CHALLENGE - SHOP THE POLICE
 * SONG - FUCKING CUNT CUNT CUNT 2009 REMIX

"WE'RE EVEN LESS BUSY THAN ASHTON KUTCHER"
 * VIDEO - DISTURBING STROKES
 * CHALLENGE - FLUFFY DISASTERS
 * QUESTION - EMBARRASSING FAN MOMENTS

"THURSDAY CANCELLED DUE TO RECESSION"
 * ARTY BOLLOCKS - IF ALBUMS WERE PAPERBACKS
 * QUESTION - YOUR SHITTY NIGHTCLUB EXPERIENCES
 * PHOTOS - DEAD PEOPLE & GIRLS DRESSED AS DALEKS

"NEWSLETTER TO BE REPLACED BY TWITTER FEED LOLS"
 * VIDEO - LADY BEARD
 * COCK - JOEL GETS HIS OUT
 * PRETEND BOOK - I SPOT SCHOOL MISERY

"WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU JANE"
 * BULLSHIT - ARE TEH WEBS FULL OF IT?
 * KILL BILL - IN 60 SECONDS OR LESS
 * GOOGLE - STREETVIEW SIGHTSEEING

"TOO BUSY LOOKING AT HOOKERS ON STREET VIEW TO COME UP WITH A SUBJECT LINE"
 * BILL WYMAN - IN THE B3TA NEWSLETTER AT LAST
 * TABLOID NEWSPAPERS - ARE STINKY AND SMELL
 * IMAGE CHALLENGE - HOW FOOD IS REALLY MADE...

"JADE'S LAST ISSUE"
 * * QUESTION - WORST THING YOU'VE DONE WITH A PENIS?
 * * MUTATED MONTY - BACK WITH THE MENTALS
 * * VEITCH - WANKY SHIT DEMON 2

"B3TA TO MAKE 300 BOARDERS REDUNDANT"
 * * SONG - FRED & ROSE
 * * LOLS - LOLCLITS. YES.
 * * CREDIT - THE CRUNCH VISUALISED

"A LUMP IN YOUR INBOX THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOOKED AT SOONER"
 * * PROPOSAL - MARRY A B3TA LADY!
 * * ANIM - KITTEN WARFARE
 * * QUESTION - WORST FLATMATES

"ANOTHER WEEK OF OUR PATHETIC LIVES SQUANDERED"
 * TOY - THE YOUTUBE DUBBER
 * VEITCH - IN FUNNYISH SONG SHOCK
 * RETRO GAMING - A RAP TRIBUTE

"TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS NEWSLETTER PLEASE SEND £50 BY PAYPAL"
 * TOY - ADD LAUGH TRACKS TO YOUTUBE VIDS
 * CHALLENGE - MAKE STUFF INVISIBLE
 * WTF - AMISH HACKERS?

"NEWSLETTER CANCELLED DUE TO SNOW"
 * WANKKING - WANKY SHIT DEMON LIVES!
 * ATHEISTS - MAKE YOUR OWN BUS SLOGAN TOOL
 * DAILY MAIL - GOASTE'D! HA!

"CLOSING DOWN SALE: ALL LINKS 50% LESS FUNNY"
 * * TOY - KH(AX)N MACHINE SERVES YOU
 * * VEITCH - GAS MASK PERVERT SHOCK
 * * POINTLESS HEADLINE - EX-PAT SEX-RAT WRECKS FLAT

"THE FIRST BLACK NEWSLETTER IN HISTORY"
 * * BAD TRANNIES - DON'T BLAME US
 * * CREDIT CRUNCH - YOUR EXPERIENCES
 * * NERD JOKES - HOW MANY DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

"LOOKS LIKE I PICKED THE WRONG WEEK TO QUIT PACKING WATER WINGS"
 * * VEITCH - SINGS ABOUT PORK, AGAIN
 * * ANIM - DUCKS WITH TITS!
 * * CHALLENGE - COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS SHIT

"HE TURNED COLDER, THAT'S WHERE IT EH-EEEEENDS......"
 * * VIDEO - "I'M NOT BEING RACIST, RIGHT, BUT..."
 * * COOKING - POT NOODLE PASTY
 * * PRANK - A DELIBERATELY INACCURATE CALENDAR

"UNLIKE ALL THE OTHER CRAP YOU GET THIS CHRISTMAS, YOU CAN'T SEND THIS BACK"
 * * VIDEO TOY - THE AMAZING BENNY HILLIFIER
 * * NIGELLA - YOU WANT HER, WE WANT HER ETC ETC
 * * QUESTION - ADDICTS CONFESS EVERYTHING

"NOW AVAILABLE IN WOOLWORTHS"
 * SONG - VEITCH AND HIS COMMUNIST CHRISTMAS
 * CHALLENGE - POOR OLD OLIVER POSTGATE
 * PAUL ROSS - CELEBRATED IN PORTRAIT... AT LAST!

"IF A PIG LOSES ITS VOICE, IS IT DISGRUNTLED?"
 * EVIL - SNURL FOR CUNTS
 * SPASTIC SOCIETY - 1970S XMAS STICKERS
 * QUESTION - YOUR AGE-GAP SEX STORIES (EEEP!)

"BURN CALORIES - SET A FATTY ON FIRE"
 * * BAM! - IT'S BUTTER AND JAM!
 * * CHALLENGE - MAKE B3TA XMAS CARDS
 * * FOODY BOLLOCKS - COOKING WITH TOASTERS

"WE'LL ONLY LEAK OUR MAILING LIST FOR COLD HARD CASH"
 * * VID - HITLER BNP TANTRUM
 * * SONG - PERVERTS ON THE INTERNET
 * * ESCAPE - PENGUIN V WHALES

"HOW DOES IT CHANGE MANY DYSLEXICS TO TAKE A LIGHT-BULB?"
 * * SELLOTAPE - TESCO VALUE SPIDERMAN
 * * VIDEO - WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE IMMOLATED
 * * CHALLENGE - THE DAILY MAIL!?

"HITTING YOUR INBOX FOR MERELY A SECOND BEFORE BEING FORWARDED TO OFCOM"
 * BOOK (SORT OF) - I SPOT INTERNET HUMOUR
 * VIDEO - 2 PUMPKINS 1 VEITCH
 * SONG - LET'S TALK ABOUT SACHS BABY

"JONATHAN ROSS AND RUSSELL BRAND PLACED ON SACHS OFFENDERS REGISTER"
 * * DIET - LOSE WEIGHT WITH RHYMING FOOD
 * * ANIM - THE BEETARD
 * * SEASONAL - FRUITY HALLOWEEN

"MIGHT AS WELL READ IT, YOU'RE GONNA GET FIRED ANYWAY"
 * BLACK PUDDING - OR IS IT ART?
 * VEITCH - ON A SUBJECT CLOSE TO HIS HEART
 * VASECTOMY - YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS

"SPINNING ORIENTAL PEOPLE ROUND AND MAKING THEM DISORIENTATED"
 * * ART - YOUR PISS-POOR RECREATIONS
 * * COMMON PEOPLE - YOUR OPINION MATTERS
 * * HEADLINES - MADE YOU LOOK, MADE YOU STARE

"INVESTING IN SPERM BANKS THREE TIMES A DAY"
 * SEXY - JOEL STRUTS HIS FUNKY STUFF
 * CUTE - TINY BABY DEER
 * CLEVER - TAKE ON ME LITERAL VID

"TONY HART CAN'T MASTURBATE NO MORE *CRIES*"
 * IMAGE CHALLENGE - CHEER UP TONY HART
 * BANKING - LLOYDSHALIFAXTRUSTEESAVINGSBANKOFSCOTLAND
 * WEEBL - CAT FACE RETURNS AND POOS EVERYWHERE

"PHONING SAMARITANS AND SAYING 'TALK DIRTY ELSE I'LL KILL MYSELF'"
 * ANSWERS - ASK THE INTERNET 'WHICH IS GAYER?'
 * HI-FI - PAPER PLATE SPEAKERS
 * ANIM - SCREAMING, FLAILING MACHINE

"NOW WHOLLY OWNED... BY LLOYDS TSB"
 * * ART - ABU HAMZA COAT HOOK
 * * VEITCH - HAS 10,000 COCKS
 * * VIDEOS - NEWSLETTER TEAM DO 10 SONGS (!?)

"ARMLESS MAN ENTERS WANKING COMPETITION AND COMES LAST"
 * QUESTION - YOUR SOCIAL NETWORKING GAFFES...?
 * BEARDS - WHAT DO THEY HIDE?
 * RETRO NERDING - A SINCLAIR PHOTO STORY

"WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT IF A SNAKE WAS LIKE A CUDDLY SCARF?"
 * * SCIENCE - CHOCOLATE TEAPOT TESTED
 * * HAWKING - SPEAKS! FOR YOU!
 * * FUNNY NAME CORNER - BIGGER THAN EVER. HOORAY!

"JULIE MOULT IS AN IDIOT"
 * DISGUSTING FOOD - DEEP-FRIED PIZZA
 * SCARY ANIM - FEAR MZUNGU!
 * WEIRD TITLE - REVEALED IN FULL

"ANOTHER SHIT JOKE ABOUT CANCER? OH GOODY!"
 * BEN WHEATLEY - INTERVIEWED BY YOU
 * STOP MOTION - JOHN CARPENTER TRIBUTE
 * LOLS - WORST CAPTCHAS OF ALL TIME

"WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE CONDITION THAT KILLED OFF..."
 * * EXPERIMENT - ELECTRIC KETTLE VS. GAS HOB
 * * WIN - WRITE A LIMERICK AND NAB JOEL'S ALBUM
 * * WEEBL - TRIBUTE TO LADYTRON

"IF YOU DRINK EVERY DAY YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC. THANK GOD WE ONLY DRINK EVERY NIGHT"
 * PHOTOS - SYMMETRY FLICKR TOY
 * GET RICH QUICK - YOUR GUIDE ON HOW TO DO IT
 * VIDEO - REJECTED BOND THEME

"90% OF DOGS IN KOREA ARE INBRED. LIKE IN A SANDWICH OR SOMETHING"
 * BATTENBERG SIMULATOR - YOU WANTED IT, YOU GOT IT
 * VID - BALLOON FAIL
 * NIGELLA LAWSON TOPLESS MILK JUGS - A TITLE TOO GOOD NOT TO MENTION AT THE TOP

"...CHIPS IT IS THEN, SAY PORTUGUESE POLICE"
 * * FOOD - THE JAFFEGG
 * * PICS - SOUVENIR VS. REALITY
 * * SCIENCE - CHEMISTRY VIDS!

"THE INTERNET EQUIVALENT OF A BULIMIC'S INDEX FINGER"
 * * SONG - JONTI'S CONTROVERSIAL VIEWS ON GYPSIES
 * * RETRO COMPUTING - CRAP CELEBS IN PIXELS
 * * ANIMATION - CLEVER LOLLIPOP STICK THINGIE

"ZIMBABWE NEWS - ROBERT MUGABE WINS WIMBLEDON"
 * * COOKING - HOW TO MAKE TEA PROPERLY
 * * SONG - JONTI SINGS ABOUT HIS SHIT DIET
 * * VIDEO - TECHNO CHICKEN

"HELPING FATTIES GET FATTER SINCE 2001"
 * * FOOD - SCROLL WHEEL CHEESE
 * * SONG - JONTI DECONSTRUCTS CELEBRITY
 * * OTHER STUFF - THAT'S MOSTLY QUITE GOOD

"BEATEN INTO 6TH PLACE BY LABOUR"
 * * PAIN - SCOTCH EGGS ARE THE CURE
 * * VID - DANCING MATT 2
 * * ANIM - SHATNER'S COMMON PEOPLE

"GUEST-WRITTEN BY DR RAJ PERSAUD"
 * QUIZ - WHO'S YOUNGER?
 * JINGLE - IT'S RAINHAM SHEDS!
 * OLD PEOPLE - AND THEIR BLOODY USELESS ADVICE

"PANIC BUY PETROL - IT'S ABOUT TO RUN OUT!"
 * * QUIZ - HOW MANY CRAP SEQUELS?
 * * FACTS - WHAT GLASWEGIAN REALLY EAT
 * * SALMON - YE OLDE DISHWASHER TRICK

"B3TA: NO LONGER ON FUCKING FIRE."
 * COOKING - SWEETS IN THE BREVILLE
 * LEGO - AMY WINEHOUSE IS BRICKING IT
 * EVIL PENCILS - EVERYONE LOVES EVIL PENCILS

"KNIFEUS EXPELIARMUS"
 * USEFUL - CONVERT CM TO ELEPHANTS
 * EVIL - MOBILE PHONE IN MICROWAVE
 * FARTING - LIKE ONLY SHATNER CAN

"DANDRUFF: THE POOR MAN'S PARMESAN"
 * ANIM - SIMON COWELL
 * TUNES - SHUFFLR
 * DANCE - RUSSIAN HIP-HOP

"DID EVERYONE IN CHINA JUMP UP AND DOWN AT THE SAME TIME?"
 * BOOKS - DID THEY CHANGE YOUR LIFE?
 * BANANAS - APPARENTLY THEY LAUGH
 * FORKLIFTS - EVERYONE LOVES THEM. MAYBE.

"I FOR ONE WELCOME OUR NEW BUMBLING IDIOT OVERLORD"
 * NOSTALGIA - BEACH BOYS V FINGER OF FUDGE
 * DANGER - RECREATE TRON ON YOUR BIKE
 * CUTE - LOVELY KITTEN SITTING IN A BOWL

"THE SOUND OF MUSIC 2: THE VON TRAPPED FAMILY"
 * TOON - CAT FACE 7
 * VID - FLAPPY LIPS
 * READ - WEIRD WIKIPEDIA

"REDDITCH TO BE LOCATION FOR 'MAN IN A SUITCASE' REMAKE"
 * RAP - WHY TEA IS GREAT
 * SONG - MADE FROM *REAL* YOUTUBE COMMENTS
 * VID - TETRIS THE MOVIE!

"[INSERT UNFUNNY MARK SPEIGHT 'JOKE' HERE]"
 * VID - RETRO INTERNET
 * PICS - TRAILER TRASH MUGSHOTS
 * READ - HUGE STEVE ALBINI 'INTERVIEW'

"HOW TO MAKE MONEY FROM CHILD ABDUCTION. YOUR STEP BY STEP GUIDE"
 * VIDEO - I THINK I FANCY BORIS
 * QUIZ - YOUTUBE'S SHITTY COMMENTS
 * QUESTION - SHARE YOUR PHOBIAS

"WELCOMING THE PAEDOS THAT FACEBOOK BANS"
 * * VID - PHILIP SCHOFIELD ON DRUGS
 * * GREYBLOKE - GETS GROOMED
 * * WEEBL - GUIDE TO BISCUITS

"NOT THE ONLY HOUR YOU'LL LOSE THIS WEEKEND"
 * ANIM - CODE CODE CODE
 * EVENT - THE 'RICKMOB'
 * VID - CARDBOARD TRON

"WE SHAGGED PAUL MCCARTNEY AND ALL WE GOT WAS THIS LOUSY NEWSLETTER"
 * ANIMATION - TASTY, TASTY ELECTRICITY
 * SHATNER - 'SHOP TREK FOR HIS BIRTHDAY
 * FAGS - LOVELY QOTW ON SMOKING

"WE TOLD YOU LAST WEEK ALREADY: IT'S POSITIVE!"
 * * COOKING - CURING MEAT IN A CRT
 * * CHALLENGE - MAKE GRAPHS TELL YOUR TRUTHS
 * * VIDEO - DELIA SMITH COOKS SPAM

"HERE ARE THE RESULTS TO YOUR AIDS TEST"
 * * HUMAN ZOO - OLDEST SWINGER IN TOWN
 * * CHALLENGE - MAKE NEWSPAPER COMICS FUNNY
 * * QUESTION - HOW NERDY ARE YOU?

"YOUR INBOX IS A JERSEY CARE HOME AND WE'RE THE POLICE"
 * FOOD - EGGNOG PANCAKES
 * QUIZ - GUESS MY CRIME
 * LOLS - THINGS WHITE PEOPLE LIKE

"THEY JAILED THE WRONG STEVE WRIGHT!"
 * ROYAL FUNNY NAME CORNER - THE QUEEN'S RUDE DOG
 * PICS - MEAT PRON FROM GERMANY
 * RICKROLLED - ASTLEY'S YOUNGEST FAN

"PIG MEAT - IT'S SNORTY BUT NICE"
 * QUESTION - HAVE YOU WITNESSED A CRIME?
 * WEEBL - ALIEN RAPIST IN CUPBOARD
 * VIDEO - DIY STAR WARS

"IN A MOMENT OF MADNESS I TOOK SEXUAL ADVANTAGE OF THIS NEWSLETTER BUT I DIDN'T KILL IT."
 * OMG - COGGY LOLS
 * PICS - RAINBOW PUKE
 * CHALLENGE - ANIMAL INSTRUMENTS WHIMSY

"WATCH OUT - B3TA'S ABOUT"
 * * INTRODUCING... MINI LOLS!
 * * CHALLENGE - PYLONS. YES, PYLONS.
 * * QUESTION - STALKERS. SHOULD BE GOOD WE THINK.

"SHOWCASING THE AWESOME POWER OF BOREDOM"
 * * COTTAGING - EVERYONE'S FAVOURITE TOILET LOLS
 * * CHALLENGE - WRONG MAN FOR THE JOB?
 * * QUESTION - RAT OUT YOUR BASTARD COLLEAGUES

"LOOKS LIKE WE PICKED THE WRONG WEEK TO QUIT LANDING PRACTICE"
 * FACT - PEANUT BUTTER DISPROVES EVOLUTION
 * CUTE - FATTEST SQUIRREL EVER
 * CHALLENGE - MAPS THAT TELL YOUR TRUTHS

"WRITERS STRIKE HITS NEWSLETTER: NO SUBJECT LINE THIS WEEK"
 * VIDEO - CELINE DION FTW, AN UNLIKELY B3TA HERO
 * GRAFFITI - ADS GET STUMPED
 * QUESTION - SHOPLIFTERS OF THE WORLD CONFESS

"WANTED: NEW PRESENTER FOR CHILDREN'S TV SERIES. MUST LIKE GETTING HANDS DIRTY"
 * QUESTION - WE *HEART* POUND SHOPS
 * VIDEO - CAT VS SCALEXTRIC
 * BLIMEY - DRUNKEN DAD DANCING

"HAPPY EASTER!"
 * DIY - HAMPSTER DAVROS DANCE
 * CHALLENGE - UNCROPPED ALBUM ART
 * QUESTION - "I'M SO DUMB THAT I..."

"IT'S A PARTY IN YOUR MOUTH AND EVERYONE IS COMING"
 * BREASTICLES - HOW TO DRAW THEM
 * FOOD - BACON BISCUITS
 * QUESTION - EVIL PRANKS (SHOULD BE GOOD!)

"A NOT-FOR-PROPHET PUBLICATION"
 * SEX - ON CRACK!
 * SPORT - THE NEXT ENGLAND MANAGER?
 * PORN - WITH 'CELEBRITY' HEADS

"THE KARMA SUTRA FOR THE SINGLE MAN"
 * SONG - JONTI SINGS ABOUT PORK
 * 'FUNNY' NAME CORNER - ISLE OF MAN MEAT
 * SEX SEX SEX - THE WORD SEX WRITTEN THRICE

"NOW WITH 25 MILLION MORE SUBSCRIBERS"
 * VIDEO - ELEPHANT DARTS
 * QUESTION - B3TA GOES DAILY MAIL
 * COMPO - 'SHOP A TRANSFORMER AND WIN A MACBOOK

SUBJECT LINE REMOVED ON LEGAL ADVICE
 * DESPERATE WANKS? - DRAWING YOUR OWN PORN? REALLY?
 * EARLY CHRISTMAS CARD - YOU'LL NICK THIS IDEA
 * VIDEO - RELENTLESS AND SHIT GUITAR HERO GAGS

"THE FAVOURITE READ OF THE TAPAS BAR NINE"
 * TRIP - B3TA VISITS IMPERIAL WAR MUSEUM
 * QUESTION - ABUSING FREEBIES
 * OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE - ANOTHER LOLCATS GAG

"WARNING: YOUR SUBSCRIPTION TO CHOIRBOY FISTING MAGAZINE IS ABOUT TO EXPIRE."
 * * MENTAL - CYRIAK DOES IT AGAIN
 * * QUESTION - YOUR STUPIDEST DARES
 * * VIDEO - AT HOME WITH HENRY ROLLINS

"300 NEWSLETTERS? IS THIS MADNESS? NO, THIS. IS. B3333333333333TA!"
 * BOOK - COOKING WITH POOH
 * HALLOWEEN - DALEK PUMPKIN
 * QUESTION MARKS - USED "INAPPROPRIATELY"

"SWIRLY FACE MAN'S FAVOURITE LINKS"
 * TOY - CUBICLE FREAKOUT
 * FUNNY NAME CORNER - INTRODUCING MISS PUKE
 * PHOTOS - SQUISHY SHOE FETISH

"ARTHUR SCARGILL: A BIOGRAPHY OF A MINER CELEBRITY (AND STILL ONLY 55P!)"
 * VIDEO - CAT ON TREADMILL
 * PORN BLOOPERS - "YOU'VE SPOOGED THE WRONG FACE"
 * QUESTION - CONFESS YOUR VOYEURISMS

"AND IT SEEMS TO ME, YOU DIED YOUR DEATH, BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T BUCKLE IN..."
 * TITS - BIZARRE PROSTHETIC MAMMARY FETISH
 * JACKO - HALLOWEEN MASK
 * CHALLENGE - LADY DIANA, PRINCESS OF HEARTS

"IN UR TEMPL FRAGG1N UR MUNX"
 * QUESTION - CONFESS YOUR DIRTY TRADE-SECRETS
 * GAME - ALPHABET CLICKY WOO
 * TORIES - MP SPUNKING COCK COIN

"THIS IS YOUTUBE MATERIAL!"
 * KITTENWAR.COM - THE INTERVIEW YOU DEMANDED!
 * WEEBL - HIS CAT IS STILL CALLED 'CAT FACE'
 * AMY WINEHOUSE - NOPE, NOT WITH YOURS

"IT'S NOT GAY UNLESS YOU GET HARD TOO"
 * QUESTION - YOUR PERSONAL-AD DATING HELL...
 * ONE WORD CHALLENGE - ELVIS
 * OUCHY OUCHY VIDEO - BUM BRANDING

"POPPING OUT FOR HALF AN HOUR FOR A BITE TO EAT AND TO VALET THE CAR"
 * DRAGONS - HAVING SEX WITH CARS
 * FEED THE HEAD - BEST FLASH TOY EVER
 * QUESTION - YOUR GUILTY SECRETS CONFESSED

"CRASHING THE MERCEDES OF GOOD TASTE INTO THE TUNNEL OF YOUR INBOX"
 * QUIZ - KIDDY CELEB PHOTOS
 * QUESTION - YOUR GUILTY SECRETS
 * LEGO - STEPHEN HAWKING RENDERED IN BRICK

"CELEBRATING 20 YEARS OF BAD AIDS"
 * PAIN - TESTICLES VS. CHAMPAGNE CORK!
 * FEAR - BRIAN BLESSED RAMPAGE!
 * CHIPMUNK - EATING A PEANUT! AWW!

"IT'S OFFICIALLY OK TO DO A POO IN THE BATH IF YOU MUSH IT DOWN THE PLUG-HOLE"
 * TEETH - I SEE YOUR DARKIE AND RAISE YOU CHINKY
 * VIDEO - BEST MISHEARD LYRIC EVER?
 * QUESTION - WHY YOU SHOULD BE FIRED

"MISSED BY YOUR SPAMFILTER"
 * WEEBL - A SONG ABOUT BLIMPS!
 * VEITCH - JOEL'S NEW VID
 * AWWW - CHARLEY THE SPACKER CAT

"MADDIE OR CHIPS?"
 * ROY WALKER - SECRET KKK SHAME
 * CAKE - JUST LIKE A TARDIS
 * CHAIRS - THAT LOOK LIKE COCKS. AS USUAL

"AS USED FOR 'RESEARCH' BY CHRIS LANGHAM"
 * HEADLINE - TEASER FOR NEWSLETTER CONTENT
 * QUESTION - COUNCIL CUNTS
 * WEEBL - MORE CAT FACE FOR CAT FACE FANS

"WE AR IN UR BBC RIGGNG UR COMPOS"
 * FOOD - SILKWORM PIZZA
 * IMAGE CHALLENGE - EVIL BOOKS FOR KIDDIES
 * QUESTION - HAVE YOU DRUNK METHS LIKE US?

"FREE ALAN JOHNSTON"
 * VIDEO - BEER BEER BEER
 * FOOD - B3TARD EATS PLACENTA
 * WEEBL - MORE CAT FACE

"PORKY JOEL SHOWS US HIS TROTTERS"
 * VIDEO - RATHERGOOD PORK FIGHT
 * CHALLENGE - MAKE STUFF WITH GLUE AND SCISSORS
 * QUESTION - YOUR MENTAL RELATIVES

"WELCOME TO SHEFFIELD, TWINNED WITH ATLANTIS"
 * SEMEN - B3TAN EATS HIS OWN
 * QUESTION - WHY WERE YOU LATE?
 * T-SHIRTS - PIXEL HITLERS!

"URBAN TURBAN BAN BANTER"
 * VIDEO - BURPY MAN GETS BURPY
 * BEEF - WEARING IT AS PANTS
 * OJ SIMPSON - WE MANAGED ABOUT 30 PAGES

"DOT COTTON'S DOTCOM COT CON"
 * SICKIPEDIA 2.0 - OUCH, NASTY, NASTY STUFF
 * CREATIONISM - YAY FOR IMAGE CHALLENGES
 * QUESTION - WORSE SEX EVER

"FIND MADDIE AND WIN AN IPOD NANO!"
 * GOATSE - BOARDER 'GOATSES' THE BBC
 * HAIR - GAYER HAIR
 * TASTY TOSS - THE CUM CHALLENGE

"SISTER NEWSLETTER OF 'THE RANCID EGG APPRECIATION SOCIETY NEWSLETTER'"
 * PISS - WHAT COLOUR IS YOURS?
 * SHOPPY - BUY OUR T-SHIRTS, MAKE PEP RICH
 * QUIZZY - KIDS' TV THEMES

"HOW TO TELL WHERE YOUR CAT HAS BEEN BY SMELLING ITS BREATH."
 * EBAY - WILL YOU BUY A B3TARD A CAR?
 * IMAGES - CLASSICAL ART, MODERNISED
 * VIDEOS - YOUTUBE RAPES SCHMIDEO SECTION

"IT'S THE TENANTS FRED WEST REJECTS THAT MAKES FRED WEST THE BEST"
 * VIDEO - SILENT STAR WARS MOVIE
 * QUESTION - WORST DINNER YOU'VE COOKED
 * PUBES - DYE YOUR GREY PUBES, MRS ROBINSON

"CUT OUT MY EYES, I'VE BOUGHT A GUIDE DOG!"
 * * MAPS - RUDE PLACE NAMES 2.0
 * * AMAZON - RICHARD LITTLEJOHN VANDALISM CHALLENGE
 * * GRAFITTI - BESTEST QOTW EVAH!!!1111

"INTERNATIONAL FACE AIDS DAY"
 * COMPO - WIN A BOOK! YES, A WHOLE FUCKING BOOK!
 * QUESTION - BEST VANDALISM EVER
 * PHOTOS - YUMMY! IT'S A COCK BREAKFAST

"TEH TIMES LITTERARRY SUPPLEMENT"
 * HORSES - DATE THEM ONLINE
 * SONG - USE MY ARSEHOLE AS A CUNT
 * STUFF - YES, NEWSLETTER FEATURES STUFF SHOCK

"SEE YOU LATER MASTURBATOR - IN A WHILE PAEDOPHILE"
 * VIDEO - DOG SHAGS CAT
 * WEEBL - NEW TOON
 * MATHS - WANKING ADDICTION MEASURED IN KITTENS

"IF SHE TELLS YOU HER AGE AND USES A FRACTION. SHE'S TOO YOUNG."
 * HITLER - HE'S BACK AND HE'S DANCING
 * TONY BLAIR - MILK OBSESSED PERVERT
 * FAMOUSR - WHO'S MORE FAMOUS?

"OUR INNER PAEDOPHILE FUCKING YOUR INNER CHILD"
 * * HEROIN - COOK-UP SOME PANCAKES
 * * INTERVIEW - ADAM BUXTON
 * * MINCE - NOW AN ALPHABET

"THE BEST OF NUTS"
 * GAME - SHOOT JONTI IN THE FACE
 * VIDEO - TIME-LAPSE THINGIE
 * QUIZ - SOMETHING ABOUT EATING FEET SKIN

"MUSLIM MARTYRS: YOUR INSTRUCTIONS FOR BOMBING THE INFIDELS"
 * BACON - PORK ALARM CLOCK
 * QUESTION - CONFESS YOUR HYGIENE ISSUES
 * VIDEO - BUKKAKE MILK

"GET YOUR COCK OUT, IT'S FRIDAY"
 * * MUSIC - FREE (ALTHOUGH NOT LEGAL) MP3S FOR ALL
 * * GAME - ROTATEY FLICKR THINGIE
 * * WEEBL - JONTI RAGS ON GINGERS

"RED NOSE DAY - ILLEGAL??""
 * VIDEO - POSTMAN PAT, DRUG DEALER
 * INVESTIGATION - CLOTHES TAGS
 * QUESTION - PICKY EATERS (WORTH A READ)

"TRANNY OR GRANNY"
 * QUIZ - GRANNY OR TRANNY
 * COOKING - VEITCH COOKS PIGS TROTTERS
 * VID - WHEATLEY KILLS FRIENDS MUM WITH BRICK

"DRILLED BEEFS!"
 * CHALLENGE - BEN GOLDACRE, CELEBRITY JUDGE
 * WEEBL - DJ PIE SAFETY
 * MUSIC - NIRVANA ON 45

"NOT FREE AS IN BEER, FREE AS IN AIDS"
 * BUKAKKE - WATCH THE VID. NO, REALLY
 * PHOTOSHOPS - POO 'DOCTOR' GETS IT B3TA STYLE
 * MOOPHONE - JOEL & ROB IN SELL-OUT AD NON-SHOCK

"LEAVES YOUR BREATH, NESCAFE FRESH"
 * STUFF - POSSIBLY ABOUT KITTENS
 * NONSENSE - SOME REFERENCES TO WANKING
 * BOLLOCKS - YEP, IT'S THE B3TA NEWSLETTER

"DOWNLOAD OUR SICK JOKE BOOK FOR FREE. YES, FREE. THANKS B3TA"
 * SICK JOKE BOOK - DOWNLOAD IT FOR FREE. THANKS!
 * QUIZ - POP-STARS' FIRST NAMES. CAN YOU GUESS?
 * COKE - JOEL SCORES BILLIONS FROM LEGALS

"WHY HAS SHILPA NOT APOLOGISED FOR 9/11?"
 * RUDE ROUTERS - A SUB 'THAT'S LIFE' FEATURE
 * AUSTRALIAN MPS - OUR FAVOURITE QUOTES
 * WIKIDEATH - YOU KILLED 'EM, WE PRINT 'EM

"THE BEST B3TA NEWSLETTER SO FAR THIS YEAR"
 * GAME - DEATH TO SHEEPS!
 * PHOTOS - B3TA READER INFECTED TONSIL PICS
 * DINNER - CHEESE AND PINEAPPLE SMOOTHIE. YUM

"INSERT NAWTY NEWSLETTER TITLE HERE"
 * MYSTIC MEG - SHE TALKS BOLLOCKS. PROOF.
 * BEES - HOW TO KILL THEM
 * Y2K - ARE YOU PREPARED?

"YOUR 'TRAMPVENT' CALENDAR"
 * VIDEO - RETURN OF ARSONIST SAM
 * COKE - ARE THEY RIPPING OFF RATHERGOOD.COM?
 * SHIT - LOTS OF FECAL STORIES

"ONLY 16 WANKING DAYS LEFT TO JIZZMAS"
 * AUTO SLASH FICTION - FOR YOUR WANKING PLEASURE
 * VEITCH - DOES HIS ANIM THING FOR BABY CHARITY
 * GOATSE - MICROSOFT GOATSED. YAY

"HEIL HONEY, I'M HOME"
 * * HIPPOS - MORE HIPPOS THAT YOU COULD EVER WANT
 * * VOTE - BILL GATES FOR PRESIDENT?
 * * RANT - WHY KEYBOARDS ARE SHITE

"A SMIDGEN OF PIGEON IS JUST ENOUGH TO GIVE YOUR KIDS A TREAT, FULL OF PIGEONY GOODNESS UNTIL IT'S TIME TO EAT"
 * QUESTION - TELL US YOUR DEBT WOES
 * JIMMY SAVILE - IS HE DEAD YET?
 * MUSIC - DIANA, THE MUSICAL

"BLAND NEWSLETTER TITLE"
 * ART - USE YOUR ZX81 TO MAKE BEAUTIFUL PICS
 * JESUS TEST - ARE YOU MORE POPULAR THAN HIM?
 * COMPETITION - WIN SOME RATHERGOOD BOOTY

"JESUS CHRIST'S COCK UP THE VIRGIN MARY'S ARSE"
 * SWEARING - NOW WITH SPARKLERS
 * FOOD - A DOG DINNER. LITERALLY
 * TATTOOS - OH YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK, REALLY

"A LOAD OF TOSS-BOLLOCKS FOR YOU TO STICK IN YOUR BROWSER-CUNTS"
 * INTERVIEW - AMBULANCE MAN TALKS
 * WEEBL - FUCK ME, IT'S MAGICAL TREVOR 4
 * TESCOS - DIY TASER

"BUY OUR BOOK, ELSE WE'LL SHIT THROUGH YOUR LETTERBOX"
 * * BOOK - BUY THE B3TA BOOK YOU HAM-TOUCHERS
 * * QUESTION - HOW WE DIDN'T LOSE OUR VIRGINITY
 * * GEEKY GAME - ROSES ARE #FF0000...

"MEAT SPECIAL. NO SECRET VEGETARIAN SUBTEXT AT ALL."
 * MEAT - FERTILISED EGGS
 * MORE MEAT - WHAT DOES CAT FOOD TASTE LIKE?
 * BONUS GRATIS MEAT - COOKING A PIGS HEAD

"DON'T GOOGLE FOR MEATOTOMY"
 * MASH-UP - X-RATED HARRY POTTER
 * RATHERGOOD - SOME BOLLOCKS ABOUT TITS
 * MEAT CORNER - YOUR NEW FAVOURITE B3TA SECTION

"YOUR WEEKLY BARRAGE OF FILTH"
 * VID - LONDON TO BRIGHTON IN 2 MINUTES
 * FASHION - BABY TOUPEES
 * FUNNY NAMES - HIGH TREE SPACKERS AND MORE

"STINKY LINKY FROM OUR PINKY WINKY"
 * GAME - SHAG, MARRY OR KILL?
 * FLICKR - PRINT YOUR PHOTOS AS BUSINESS CARDS
 * GOOD NEWS! - MESSAGE FROM JESUS

"STICK THIS IN YOUR LINK HOLE AND SMOKE IT"
 * VID - RAINBOW REMIXED
 * SITE - GIVE ME BACK MY GOOGLE
 * URL HACK - THETECHGAYS.COM

"PRETTY, WITTY, DINKLE DITTY"
 * * SONG - ABOUT A PENIS
 * * VID - GEORGE MICHAEL SEX-CHANGE SHOCKER
 * * IRWIN - THE 'WEEBL' TRIBUTE

B3TA BEST OF THE YEAR... SO FAR
 * LINKS - BEST B3TA STUFF OF 2006 SO FAR...
 * QUESTION - DIY FASHION DISASTERS
 * IMAGE CHALLENGE - DEMOTIVATIONAL POSTERS

"ARE YOU A 'BIF' OR A 'TARDIS'?"
 * PONG - UPDATED FOR THE 21ST CENTURY, FINALLY
 * NUTTERS - KATE BUSH'S MADDEST FAN
 * QUESTION - ARE YOU A SEX OFFENDER?

"YOUR OFFICIAL ANTI-SNAKESPLOITATION NEWSLETTER"
 * PANTS - BLOKE WEARS 43 PAIRS FOR B3TA
 * NOEL EDMUNDS - MONG NOISE REMIX AHOY
 * RECORD STORE CATS - THE 'OFFICIAL' SITE

"IF WE HAD A SPOON FOR EVERY READER, WE'D LIVE LIKE A SPOON KING"
 * VIDEO - BO 'HE-MAN' RHAPSODY
 * WEEBL - FROSTIES AD REMIX
 * INTERVIEW - MADDOX / BEST PAGE IN THE UNIVERSE

"YOU ARE OUR FAVOURITE READER. GIVE YOURSELF A PAT ON THE BACK"
 * * VID - EXPLOSIONS WITHOUT GUNS
 * * QUESTION - INTENSE FRIENDSHIPS (READ IT!)
 * * PROTEST - THE WEB UNITES AGAINST TWATS

"IT RHYMES WITH GITA. AS IN SANJAY AND GITA"
 * * B3TA BOOK - PREORDER ON AMAZON NOW
 * * FOOD - EEK! IT'S THE MEAT CAKE
 * * VIDEO - MOTORBIKE + KIDDY ROUNDABOUT = BLIMEY

"PEPTO-BISMOL ICE CREAM - YUMMY"
 * HIDDEN MESSAGES - TV AD SECRET JEW HATE
 * TATTOO - BLOKE WITH 'STUPID' ON HEAD
 * ANGRY - ROLF HARRIS SEAL PROTEST

"HORRID LINKS, TORRID TALES, FLORID PROSE"
 * * VID - WORLD'S BIGGEST DOMINOES?
 * * STORIES - "I HURT MY RUDE BITS"
 * * FUNNY NAMES AGAIN - THIS ONE'S A GOATSE!

"OPENING THIS NEWSLETTER WILL MAKE YOU GAY"
 * * ANIM - BEASTENDERS
 * * QUESTION - LIES YOU'VE TOLD ON YOUR CV
 * * VIDEO - WHEN ELEPHANT SEALS WAKE

"TOO MUCH GREAT STUFF TO POSSIBLY SUM UP IN ONE LINE OF PUNCHY COPY"
 * EXPLODE - AEROSOL BALLOON BOMB
 * WEEBL - HAS A GOOD WANK
 * NAZIS - HUGO BOSS FASHION SHOCK

"WILL THIS SUBJECT LINE PERSUADE YOU TO OPEN THIS EMAIL? CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT"
 * MAGNETS - NUTTER STICKS THEM IN HIS FINGERS
 * PRODUCT - FAKE BOLLOCKS FOR YOUR CAT
 * VIDEO - UNDERWATER AIR-RINGS

"CHEAP LAUGHS AND TAWDRY LINKS SINCE 2001"
 * CHALLENGE - NEW ROAD SIGNS
 * HUH? - ASCII-ART 1940S STYLE
 * BOOK - 'WHO CARES ABOUT DISABLED PEOPLE?'

"WE CAN CONTAIN OUR LOVE FOR RUSSELL CROWE NO LONGER"
 * RIMJOBS - YAY OR NAY?
 * CHALLENGE - MAKE TORY PROPAGANDA
 * VIDEO - NOEL EDMONDS - SPAZ HATER

"MAKING PAUL DANIELS PARANOID, EVERY FRIDAY, FOR FIVE YEARS"
 * SHEDS - BEST HOME IMPROVEMENT EVER
 * STALKING - PAUL DANIELS ON EBAY
 * CHALLENGE - PLEASE DON'T SUE US, TOM CRUISE

"BEST SUBJECT LINE IN THE WORLD... EVER!"
 * * SONG - BIG BALL RAP
 * * QUESTION - WORST NICKNAMES EVER
 * * WIN A FLAT - SCAM OR SMART MARKETING?

"8===W=) IS ASCII FOR WANKING"
 * VIDEO - PETER COOK AS A PG TIPS CHIMP
 * ANIM - DIANA'S LIFE IN 10 SECONDS
 * PHOTOS - SHITE TATTOOS

"CUTTING OFF OUR BOLLOCKS TO SPITE OUR COCK"
 * * CHALLENGE - POP-UP ADS YOU WOULD CLICK
 * * ANIM - JONTI EATS CRABS
 * * TOY - GOOGLE TRENDS

"THIS SUBJECT LINE HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CONTENT"
 * SEAN CONNERY - SHIT V/O SHOCK
 * GAME - QWERTY DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION
 * JOKES - INTRODUCING THE SICKIPEDIA

"SCAMMING BLUE PETER FOR A BADGE. YEP. IT'S THAT LOW."
 * COCKS - MADE OF CLAY
 * SCAM - UNDESERVED BLUE PETER BADGES
 * JOHN LENNON - WHAT A FUCKING SPACKER

"LOTS AND LOTS OF STUFF THAT YOU'LL WANT TO CLICK ON AND IT'S VERY GOOD"
 * SONG - INTERNET IS EVVVVIIIILLLLL
 * ANIM - RUSSEL CROW GETS HIS COCK OUT
 * KITTENWAR BOOK - MAKE YOUR KITTEN FAMOUS

WHAT'S ORANGE AND LOOKS GOOD ON A HIPPY?
 * QUESTION - MENTAL TEENAGE PARTIES
 * PICS - BABY VS BABY
 * VIDEO - 12 MINUTES OF JAPANESE HEATH-ROBINSON

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE TELL A JOKE, I'M BLIND!"
 * QUESTION - BEST HECKLES EVER (READ THIS)
 * COMPO - STRUT YOUR STUFF FOR WEEBL
 * BONUS FEATURE - FAKE SEX BITS

"ROLL YOUR OWN TAMPONS"
 * REPORT - DIY TAMPONS TESTED
 * REMIX - KERSAL MASSIVE
 * SEX - B3TA PIN-UP OF THE WEEK

"KNOB CASTING"
 * ART - LADY WANTS PLASTER CAST YOUR PENIS
 * RAVE - CORONATION STREET STYLEE
 * VIDEO SCHMIDEO - IT'S OUT OF CONTROL

"HOW DO YOU GET A ONE ARMED IRISHMAN OUT OF A TREE?"
 * QUESTION - EVER MET A WEIRDO ON THE INTERNET?
 * SICK JOKE BOOK - WE HAVE PUBLISHER
 * WEB 2.0 - BACKLASH AHOY

"WHY DOES DOCTOR PEPPER COME IN A BOTTLE?"
 * CHALLENGE - IF THE ROMANS BUILT THE INTERNET
 * PHOTOS - ROVING B3TA REPORTER SPECIAL
 * VIDEOS - VIDEO, FUCKING LOADS OF IT.

"B3TA PEOPLE PROJECT SPECIAL. COUNT THEM! TEN! BLIMEY!"
 * VID - KURDT KOBAIN IN 10 SECONDS
 * RESTAURANT WATCH - RUDE NAMES INTERNATIONAL
 * QUIZ - PAPIST OR RAPIST

"HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SACKED?"
 * FOOD - ALL THE MACARONI CHEESES. TESTED
 * TOY - QUESTION SWAP
 * QOTW - HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SACKED?

"NO WANKING IN THE SHOWERS"
 * TOY - SWAP YOUR DRAWINGS WITH OTHERS
 * COKE - HOW MUCH DOES YOUR MP LOVE IT?
 * PASTA SHAPES QUIZ - CAN YOU TELL WHAT THEY ARE?

"DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK. WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR YEARS. ROCKIN OUR PEERS AND PUTTIN SUCKAS IN FEAR."
 * * VIDEO - ARSON SAM
 * * GAME - MILK THE GIRAFFE
 * * QUESTION - HAS GOOGLE RUINED YOUR LIFE?

"SICK JOKE BOOK / THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH"
 * * SITE - THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
 * * BOOK - HELP MAKE A B3TA SICK JOKE BOOK
 * * RATHERGOOD - VALENTINE DAY ANIMATION

"WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLACK MAN FLYING A PLANE?"
 * * FUNNY NAME CORNER - FUCK A HORSE, IT'S BACK
 * * SONG - CHUTNEY SONG FROM WEEBL
 * * QUIZ - FILMY SQUIRRELS FROM ROB & JOEL

"WHAT'S BLUE AND STICKY?"
 * QUESTION - HAVE YOU EVER PAID FOR SEX?
 * PHOTOS - WORST TEA EVER
 * SONG - CHEERY TUNE ABOUT A SEX OFFENDER

"WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE, AND DOESN'T LIKE SEX?"
 * VID - CRAPPEST DJ EVER
 * EGGS - MAKING THORTONS SWEAR
 * CHALLENGE - IF DRUGS WERE LEGAL...

"WHY IS THE BIBLE LIKE A PENIS?"
 * ANIM - ROLF HARRIS BESTIAL SING-SONG
 * GAME - SPROUTS ARE EVIL
 * CHALLENGES - LOVELY NEW DEMOCRATIC VOTEY STUFF

"WHAT'S RED, WHITE, FLUFFY AND SITS IN A TREE?"
 * SNOWMEN - WANKING WITH HAPPINESS
 * MERCH - BUY A B3TA ENAMEL BADGE FOR XMAS
 * VIDEO - WORST RAP BATTLE EVER

"WHAT CAN TURN A FRUIT INTO A VEGETABLE?"
 * DODGY ITEM CORNER - STUFF WE SHOULDN'T LINK...
 * SUBTITLES - CCC TURNS HIS GENIUS TO FRANCE
 * COCK ROCK - LITERALLY ROCK MADE WITH COCK

"HOW DO YOU GET A GRANNY TO SHOUT 'C*NT!'?"
 * * WEEBL - SINGING AHA
 * * JAMES BLUNT - HMMM, WHAT RHYMES WITH THAT?
 * * EASTENDERS - STEVE MCFADDEN NAKED AT LAST

"BLAIR - BUSH SWEARING COMPETITION"
 * ANIM - IT'S A COW IN A TREE
 * VIDEO - BIGGEST ZIT IN THE WORLD
 * PICS - HOW GERMANS MAKE BABIES

"DO TESCOS REALLY PROMOTE MUM-CHUFFING?"
 * CILLIT BANG - IS "SHIT" SHOCKER!
 * WEEBL - GOES GOTH
 * EXPERIMENT - DO TIN FOIL HATS REALLY WORK?

"CHERIE BLAIR SEX CALENDAR"
 * * POLITICS - BORIS FOR PM
 * * LETTERS - CHILDREN WRITE TO CHRISTOPHER WALKEN
 * * CUTENESS - THE YODA DOG

"THE OFFENSIVE WANKING GAME"
 * VIDEO - FOUR-WAY SPESH ACTION
 * GAME - CUTESY BOUNCING PANDA
 * TRAMPS - ROB GETS KICKED

"BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY VS. LOST"
 * VIDEO - TRAMPS DRINK CAPTAIN MORGAN
 * CASH - THE QUEEN SUCKS OZZY COCK
 * GIFS - STAR WARS IN 168K

"GO WEB GO!"
 * OPERA - SINGING GLAUCOMA WEBPAGE
 * SUPERMAN - A GHASTLY TWIT?
 * BASTARDS - WHO NICKED MY LAPTOP THEN?

ISSUE 200: "YES, TWO HUNDRED OF THE BUGGERS. WOO!"
 * QUIZ - IS IT ANT OR DEC?
 * ANIM - JOEL PUTS SOUP ON HIS HEAD
 * GAME - PISSING BLEACH ON OTTERS

ISSUE 199: "SHIT SPECIAL!"
 * ANIM - "IF I COULD SHIT OUT MY COCK"
 * VIDEO - RIVER PHOENIX'S FINAL MOMENTS
 * CHALLENGE - CELEBS ON THE SHITTER

ISSUE 198: "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!111111"
 * COOKING - PANCAKES ON A LAMP
 * SWEARING - RATE MY CUSS
 * PHOTOS - MEN OF THE INTERNET

ISSUE 197: "YOU THOUGHT WE WERE JOKING WHEN WE SAID IT WAS A COOKING NEWSLETTER"
 * FOOD - KETTLE VS PASTA
 * WEEBL - MAGICAL TREVOR III
 * JUDO - IS IT GAY?

ISSUE 196: "PAUL DANIELS - WHITE SUPREMACIST?"
 * CALL FOR CONTENT - THE SHITTY TAGLINE AWARDS
 * IRONS - MAN COOKS BREAKFAST WITH ER... IRON
 * SATANISTS - YOUR CHANCE TO SIRE THE ANTI-CHRIST

ISSUE 195 -"CAN GIVE YOU SOMETHING WITH A BLUE VEIN IN IT?"
 * EVENT - COME AND WATCH ROB TALK ON B3TA HISTORY
 * GAME - FIGHT THE VIDEO ALIENS
 * PHALLUS - MICROSOFT'S SPUNKY COCK

ISSUE 194 - "PEGGING"
 * CATS - IN SINKS!
 * SONG - THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN
 * DEATH - CUDDLY PET COFFINS

ISSUE 193: "THANK GOODNESS FOR AIDS"
 * CUTE - BEST SLEEPY DOG EVER
 * EGGS - WHERE BABIES REALLY COME FROM?
 * MCDONALDS - FILTHY PHOTOS

ISSUE 192: "RE-LAUNCH, B3TA FOOD NEWSLETTER, HOPE YOU LIKE OUR NEW DIRECTION"
 * FOOD - GARDEN SNAIL RISOTTO
 * MORE FOOD - UNEXPECTED CHEESE COMBOS
 * ENDLESS FOOD - WHAT'S IN YOUR FRIDGE?

ISSUE 191: "HAVE YOU SEEN THE SIZE OF MY CRACK?"
 * ROSS KEMP - TV HARDMAN GURNS FOR BRITAIN
 * VIDS - SLOW-MO FILM TRICKERY
 * WORDS - ACCIDENTAL QUIMNUENDOS

ISSUE 190: "FLIP OUT LIKE A NINJA"
 * NINJAS - FLIP OUT WITH JOEL
 * PUB - DRINK WITH BLOKE WHO SURVIVED TUBE BOMB
 * PROJECT - DIY OFFICE BOW & ARROW

ISSUE 189: "DANGER! ELECTRIC SAUSAGE"
 * FOOD - HOW TO POACH AN EGG
 * ANIM - CRAP LEOPARD
 * HUMAN ZOO - INFLATABLE FACE MAN

ISSUE 188: "HANDI GANDHI"
 * COMPO - WIN A VOODOO TROMBONE QUARTET CD
 * MINI FEATURE - JINGLE WATCH
 * MAKE - HAROLD SHIPMAN FIGURINES

ISSUE 187: "THAT'S NOT A BABY. IT'S A WOLF!"
 * STUNT - WILL "WOLF BOY" WIN BABY THE OF YEAR?
 * ANIM - COCKS FROM SPACE
 * VIDEO - TOM CRUISE KILLS OPRAH

ISSUE 186: "JCB BALLET"
 * FOOD - FRASER EATS RAW MINCE
 * WEEBL - MR STABBY RETURNS
 * GOOGLE - SONGS ABOUT YOUR FAVOURITE SITE

ISSUE 185: "IT'S A LEMON PARTY IN YOUR MOUTH"
 * PHOTOS - WHAT DOES A RABBIT VAG LOOK LIKE?
 * OBJECT - HOW DO DWARVES WIPE THEIR ARSE?
 * DOCTOR WHO - THE THEME TUNE THEY SHOULD HAVE

ISSUE 184 - "THE SINGING ARSEHOLE"
 * GAME - CELEBRITY HYBRIDS
 * FOOD - LIVING ON GUINNESS FOR A WEEK
 * ANIM - SINGING ARSEHOLE VS. ERASURE

ISSUE 183: "GUINNESS LOLLIES - YAY!"
 * BOOZE - GUINNESS LOLLIES
 * ANIM - TOILET PAPER MAN
 * HOW TO - BE IMMENSELY STRONG

ISSUE 182: "BIGGEST SCOTCH EGG... EVER!"
 * QUIZ - CAN YOU SPOT THE PORNALIKES?
 * SURVEY - LOGOS THAT LOOK LIKE COCKS. RESULTS.
 * COOKING - BIGGEST SCOTCH EGG EVER

ISSUE 181: "BARBIE ON THE BLOB"
 * ANIM - RETURN OF BURNT FACE MAN
 * GAME - CLICK THE COLOUR
 * CONTROVERSY - WAS LION KING A RIP-OFF?

ISSUE 180: "SKIVE OFF WORK SPECIAL"
 * HACKS - USB BARBIE
 * VID - CRAP NORTHERN EGGS
 * NSFW - HOOK-WANKING

ISSUE 179: "INTRODUCING THE PHALLIC LOGO AWARD"
 * * EXPERIMENT - HOW MANY WANKS TO THE MOON?
 * * DESIGN - PHALLIC LOGO AWARDS
 * * KITTEN WARS - WHO'S THE CUTEST?

ISSUE 178 - "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR HITLER FROM YOUR WILLING SERVANT ON EARTH, POPE BENEDICT XVI"
 * ANIM - CAMILLA QUEEN
 * GAME - TRAFFIC LIGHT SIMULATOR
 * T-SHIRTS - B3TA ARTIST OF THE WEEK

ISSUE 177: "AMERICA, WE STAND AS ONE"
 * ROCK - 'AMERICA WE STAND AS ONE'
 * KOSHER - JEWISH CHEW TOYS
 * PHOTOS - "MY BUTTER VAGINA SHAME"

ISSUE 176: "BIRMINGHAM EGG"
 * GOOGLE - PLAY THE "I'M NOT GAY" GAME
 * SUBTITLES - CRAP CHINESE ONES AT THAT
 * FUNNY NAMES - OH SHIT. THEY'RE BACK

ISSUE 175: "ONE MORE REASON TO DO SOD ALL WORK"
 * INTRODUCING - TOKYO SEXWALE
 * JOEL - WINNERS SONG
 * SEX TOY - FUCK MY FANNY FOOT

ISSUE 174: "CILLIT BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!"
 * ADVERT REMIX - CILLIT BANG!
 * INTERVIEW - SIR PATRICK MOORE
 * FASHION - MEAT BAGS

ISSUE 173: "FAMILY PLANNING - PLEASE USE REAR ENTRANCE"
 * ANIM - SEX WITH DRAGONS
 * MACHINE - GREAT EGG RACE
 * INTERVIEW - INVENTOR BLOKE TIM HUNKIN

ISSUE 172: "DON'T EMAIL TV'S THE BILL. EVER."
 * PHOTOS - HANDICAPPED WRESTLING
 * AUCTION - BUY DRUG GEAR FROM PLOD
 * TEXT - DON'T COMPLAIN TO TV

ISSUE 171: "THE MEGA-SHITTER!"
 * * PIGS - AREN'T THEY GREAT?
 * * VIDEO - TV'S COUNTDOWN SECRET CLIP
 * * HUMAN ZOO - COLLECTOR MAN

ISSUE 170 - "LEUKAEMIA THE MUSICAL"
 * KETTLE - BURNING FOOT MAN
 * CHICKS - NEW THING FROM ROB & JOEL
 * TORRENTS - BRITISH COMEDY SPECIAL

ISSUE 169: "JEWISH DOGS"
 * VIOLENCE - GARDEN PUMMEL-TRICKERY
 * SEX - SUPER MARIO, LOVER-MAN
 * ARSERY - FOOLISH BUM-BASED CIGGY STUNT

ISSUE 168: "YOUR ADVERT. ON OUR NEWSLETTERY TITS."
 * EBAY B3TA - BUY 50 WORDS IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
 * WEEBL - MAGICAL TREVOR II
 * COCKS - CUSTOMISE YOUR IPOD WITH A PENIS

ISSUE 167: "WOMEN WHO BREAST-FEED CATS. AND THE CATS WHO LOVE THEM"
 * VID - MONKEY LICKS WINDOW
 * PICS - MAN SLICES PENIS
 * CONSUMER TESTS - CILLIT BANG! ANY GOOD?

ISSUE 166: "NUDE GAY CHRISTIAN ATHLETICS"
 * HEADLINE WATCH - GOAT CHAOS
 * GIZMOS - PHONES FOR DOGS
 * PHOTOS - BLACK METAL HALL OF FAME

ISSUE 165: "THE POOR TASTE ISSUE"
 * * RUDE - OBSCENE WRITE-UPS THIS WEEK
 * * DRUNK - WE'RE STILL PISSED FROM LAST NIGHT
 * * BLAME - BEN WHEATLEY IS A BAD INFLUENCE ON ROB

ISSUE 164: "EDIBLE FREAKS"
 * ANIM - U2 MISHEARD LYRICS
 * VID - EXPLOSIVES IN CANADA
 * GAME - TWANG YOUR DOG

ISSUE 163: "A BIG GLITTERY POO"
 * PRESENTS - BUY B3TA STUFF FOR XMAS
 * HUMAN ZOO - LEG NIPPLE VS DRAGON COCK
 * GAMEBOY DS - WE'VE GOT OUR HANDS ON ONE

ISSUE 162: "PLAY THE MUSIC QUIZ. ELSE WE'LL SET FIRE TO YOUR SHOES"
 * MUSIC - INFINITE MUSIC QUIZ
 * PRIZES - SIGNED WEEBL DVDS
 * CATS - CAN YOU FIND THE "VET WANKS CAT" VID?

ISSUE 161: "DOGS THAT SPEAK LIKE MEN"
 * VID - EASTENDERS SILENT MOVIE
 * FASHION - CHILDREN'S KNITTED GIMP MASKS
 * FACT - PEOPLE FALLING OVER IS FUNNY

ISSUE 161: "DOGS THAT SPEAK LIKE MEN"
 * VID - EASTENDERS SILENT MOVIE
 * FASHION - CHILDREN'S KNITTED GIMP MASKS
 * FACT - PEOPLE FALLING OVER IS FUNNY

ISSUE 160: "REALDOLLS FOR PAEDOS"
 * VID - INFLATABLE GLOVE BALLOONS
 * GEEK - AOL CD THRONE
 * PORN - SEXY TOE MYSTERY

ISSUE 159: "FAITHFULLY YOURS, YOU MISERABLE CRETIN"
 * COMMUNICATIONS - SECRET SWEARING TECHNIQUES
 * EXPERIMENT - BEER, NOT WATER
 * STORIES - "I WAS AN ACCIDENTAL MOVIE STAR"

ISSUE 158: "MELON MISHAP"
 * VID - MELON MISHAP
 * INTERVIEW - DAVE 'GOOGLEWHACK' GORMAN
 * CALENDAR - RAUNCHY ROYALS

ISSUE 157: "BADLY-DRAWN WANK"
 * INTERVIEW - WINNER OR SINNER BLOKE
 * HOAX - QUO TATTOOS
 * PORN - BADLY-ANIMATED WANK

ISSUE 156: "CRAP TAGS"
 * GRAFFITI - CRAP TAGS NAMED AND SHAMED
 * HAMSTERS - WITH HATS, AT LAST
 * CRAIG MINIPOP - WOMEN MORE DIFFICULT THAN MEN

ISSUE 155: "BOLIVIAN HEAD MAGGOTS"
 * PARASITE - BOLIVIAN HEAD MAGGOTS
 * STORIES - "I WAS OUT OF MY DEPTH"
 * VID - SELLOTAPE VS CAT

ISSUE 154: "BISCUITY BOOKY WOOAGE"
 * INTERVIEW - NICE CUP OF TEA BOOK LAUNCHED
 * FLASH COMPETION - MAKE STUFF FOR TV
 * LEGALS - KILROY THREATENS TO SUE B3TARD

ISSUE 153: "CELEBRITY ALIENS THROUGHOUT HISTORY"
 * ART - CLASSICAL LOOK-A-LIKES
 * TOY - CURSOR CATCHER
 * GEEK - BEST TOY IDEA EVER

ISSUE 152: "LORD OF THE RINGPIECE"
 * * VID - FARTING GANDALF
 * * QUESTION - LOCAL NUTTERS EXPOSED
 * * SQUIRREL - ADOPTED TREE-RAT TURNS TRICKS

ISSUE 151: "SICK JOKE SPECIAL"
 * ANIM - CHICKEN OR EGG?
 * FLASH CHALLENGE - JUST FOR THE FUCK OF IT
 * ADOPT - BRITAIN'S SADDEST PET

ISSUE 150: "SIR, THIS WINE GUM LOOKS LIKE A PENIS"
 * ANIM - NAUGHTY HEFFALUMP
 * INTERVIEW - LAW OF THE PLAYGROUND
 * VID - BIG WET DOGGY

ISSUE 149: "WE'RE B3TA. IT'S FRIDAY. LET'S ROCK"
 * QUESTION - YOUR VOMIT STORIES
 * CLOCKS - TIME REDEFINED
 * CUTENESS - THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AHHH SPECIAL

ISSUE 148: "THINGS TO DO WITH A CUCUMBER"
 * DOMAIN HIJACK - PISSING OFF THE AD-MEN
 * EXPERIMENT - CRAP SCIENCE
 * LARD - GIANT BURGERS FOR FAT CUNTS

ISSUE 147: "WORST JINGLES EVER PRODUCED"
 * LABS - MILKSHAKE AND MEAT
 * MUSIC - WORST JINGLES EVER
 * ANIM - FISHY POO

ISSUE 146: "DOGS IN PANTS"
 * PICS - B3TA ZOO
 * VID - WHEN KILROY ATTACKS
 * ANIM - KUNG-FU WEEBL

ISSUE 145: "STILL KITTENY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS"
 * SAVE B3TA - SEND US YOUR CASH
 * SPOOF SITE - ANNOYS THE WORLD
 * KITTENS - CRAPPEST HAND-DRAW CATS EVER

ISSUE 144: "KITTZENSHITZEN"
 * * WEEBL - HIS CATCHIEST TUNE YET?
 * * GAMES - FRIDAY GAME SPECIAL
 * * HUMAN ZOO - THE STAFF OF HARROW COUNCIL

ISSUE 143: "ANAL SEEPAGE"
 * ANIM - BURNT FACE MAN
 * GAME - CHASE THE BUTTON
 * VID - HORSE POLITICS

ISSUE 142: "BETTER THAN LICKING BATTERIES"
 * ANIM - RUSSIAN DOLLS GO WILD
 * HUMAN ZOO - FAT BLOKES DRESSED AS SUPERMAN
 * VIDEO - CATS THAT LOVE TREES TOO MUCH

ISSUE 141: "ARE YOU GAY?"
 * ANIM - HAVE YOU DONE YOUR WEBXERCISE?
 * DANCE - ROGER MOORE EYEBROW SENSATION
 * WANKING - IT'S ONLY BAD IF YOU DO IT WRONG

ISSUE 140: "HAPPY CLAPPY BABY DONKEYS"
 * GAME - INVERSE INVADERS
 * URL GAMES - COCK HUNGRY FUCK SLUTS
 * B3TA RADIO - YOU'VE TALES OF BEING DUMPED

ISSUE 139: "SUMMER HOLIDAY BEST OF"
 * BEST OF - STUFF WE'VE LIKED THIS YEAR
 * RADIO - GOSSIP YOU'VE OVERHEARD

ISSUE 138: "TALES OF THE TUG"
 * ANIM - WEEBL SELLS OUT TO FOOTY BOLLOCKS
 * RADIO - BEST WANKING STORIES EVER
 * VIDEO - MAN DRINKS OWN VOMIT

ISSUE 137: "GOATSE DEATH DIVE"
 * ANIM - KITTEN ON A MOTORBIKE
 * GAME - GOATSE SKY-DIVING
 * RADIO - YOUR WORST MINI CAB EXPERIENCES

ISSUE 136: "THE SWEARY CORNFLAKE"
 * CELEB SWEARS - DLT SAYS "CUNT"
 * VIDEO - PETROL IN A WATER PISTOL
 * B3TA RADIO - NOW WITH AGONY AUNT

ISSUE 135: "WE'VE NOT MET THE RIGHT GIRL YET EITHER"
 * ANIM - DAMON ALBARN IS A CUNT
 * RATHERGOOD - BIGGEST CAT EVER
 * RADIO - MJ HIBBETT LIVE

ISSUE 134: "TRY THE BLACK COCK INN CIDER"
 * NERDSTALGIA - SING-A-LONG A 16K SONG
 * VIDEO - OOH PRETTY MATCHSTICK ANIMATION
 * B3TA RADIO - STORIES ABOUT SHITTING

ISSUE 133: "AN AFTERNOON OF YOUR LIFE YOU WON'T GET BACK"
 * VIDEO - MAN GETS WAXED
 * WEEBL - SHOOTS GINGER BLOKE WITH LASER
 * B3TA RADIO - BUKKAKE SPECIAL

ISSUE 132: "SMEARING OUR SHITTY COCK ON YOUR TITS"
 * WEEBL - HIS FINEST WORK YET
 * FIREWORKS - OOH LOTS OF PRETTY FIREWORKS
 * B3TA RADIO - PUTTING YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH

ISSUE 131: "FUCK OFF - ELSE WE'RE CALLING THE POLICE"
 * QUIZ - CHEESE OR POSTBOX?
 * VIDEO - BUKKAKE SONG
 * B3TA RADIO - YOUR CELEBRITY INSULTS

ISSUE 130: "EASTER SPECIAL"
 * ANIM - NSFW WORK OF GENIUS
 * ACTIVITIES - NOT TO DO OVER EASTER
 * DILDOS - DRAGON COCK ACTION

ISSUE 128: "INVENTING NEW SPORTS"
 * ANIM - MONKEY VS. SKATEBOARD
 * SPORT - CRAP NEW EXTREME SPORT
 * B3TA RADIO - JOEL VEITCH SINGS LIVE

ISSUE 127: "KILL ALL NUNS"
 * SHOP - NEW SHIRT DESIGNS
 * RADIO - DAVE FROM BLUR + WEEBL
 * RANT - BIT TORRENT TV

ISSUE 126: "BABY RHINOS!"
 * GAME - NIGELLA BITES!
 * ANIM - LIFE OF THE YAK
 * PHOTOS - CHERNOBYL GHOST TOWN

ISSUE 125: "SANDWICH OF THE GOD"
 * PHOTOS - BIGGEST SANDWICH EVER
 * TOY - MAKE YOUR PHOTOS JIGGLE
 * ANIMS - NEW SHIT FROM WEEBL & RATHERGOOD

ISSUE 124: "MOMMY, MY ARM'S GONE ALL FLOPPY"
 * WATCH - CACTUS RAP
 * OUTRAGE - GAY SAILORS FOR KIDS
 * SWEAR - FLINTSONES VS. RAGING BULL

ISSUE 123: "SMOKING MAKES YOU HARD"
 * PRINT - SMOKING TOP TRUMPS
 * WATCH - FARTING WARTHOGS
 * FEAR - FUCKED-UP KITTY

ISSUE 122: "CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAAAA-ZEEE MUM"
 * B3TA PARTY - TONIGHT
 * RATHERGOOD - JOEL LOVES HIS PENIS
 * TEABAGS - BUILT INTO PYRAMIDS

ISSUE 121: "YOU SAY POTATO, WE SAY POTOOTEE"
 * ANIM - I SAY POTATO
 * WEEBL - ON THE FUCKING MOON
 * B3TA PARTY - NEXT WEEK

ISSUE 120: "WE LOVE HORSES"
 * GAME - HAGGIS TOSSING
 * ANIM - COME TO KENYA
 * VIDEO - JELLY WRESTLING

ISSUE 119: "THE RETURN OF SPAZZIMATION"
 * * PRANK - GOATSE IN THE PAPERS
 * * TOY - MONKEY FUNK MIXOMATIC
 * * FREAK - AMAZON PRINCESS

ISSUE 118: "LIES YOUR PARENTS TOLD"
 * * INTERVIEW - WES CHERRY SPEAKS
 * * QUIZ - CELEBRITY DUSTBIN
 * * WEIRDO - FROM FLABBY TO FREAK

ISSUE 117: "WHY GERMANS LOVE POO"
 * NUTTERS - NOTTINGHAM'S XYLOPHONE MAN SPEAKS
 * BEST OF - B3TA'S GREATEST HITS FROM 2003
 * KLINGON WEDDING - WE FOUND THE PHOTOS

ISSUE 116: "SOD WORK. READ OUR CHRISTMAS SPECIAL"
 * WEEBL - BONJOUR MONSIEUR
 * CALENDAR - NAKED MPS
 * GAME - SHUFFLE THE PENGUIN

ISSUE 115: "TRAMPS"
 * ANIM - TRAMP O CLAUS
 * INTERVIEW - DISNEY TATTOO MAN
 * B3TA RADIO - DAD JOKES

ISSUE 114: "BADGERS ARE BACK"
 * WEEBL - RETURN OF THE BADGER
 * GAME - ABBEY ROAD MASSACRE
 * WAXING - BLOKE WAXES LEG
 * B3TA RADIO - WORST RECORDS IN THE WORLD

ISSUE 113: "A HEADMASTERLY ROCKET UP THE ARSE"
 * VIDEO - JIM'LL FIX-IT FOR WOO
 * B3TA RADIO - BIGGEST LIES
 * RATHERGOOD - FUCKING HELL. MORE KITTENS

ISSUE 112: "HONKY HONKY SHEEP SHEEP"
 * B3TA RADIO - FLATMATES FROM HELL
 * RATHERGOOD - WRONG BANANAS
 * PROSTITUTES - ONE THOUSAND REVIEWS

ISSUE 111: "LOVE, SEX, TOAST AND LANDMINES"
 * * ANIM - TOAST HORROR
 * * VID - HOME-MADE LANDMINE
 * * READ - PROSSIE BLOG

ISSUE 110: "PET CARE FOR ROCK STARS"
 * ANIM - BOB DYLAN'S SPACE MONKEY
 * INVESTIGATION - NO HANDS KITTEN
 * RADIO - MILES HUNT LIVE!

ISSUE 109: "WE *HEART* SIMON COWELL"
 * SURVEY - WANKING RESULTS IN
 * ANIM - SAXPOHONE MEERKAT
 * EVIL - SIMON COWELL IS SATAN

ISSUE 108: "THE WORST FOOD YOU'VE EVER COOKED"
 * * TOY - BOOZE CALCULATOR
 * * RATHERGOOD - RUDE HEDGEHOGS
 * * STUPID NAMES - FRIENDS OF MARTIN WANK

ISSUE 107: "TOM BAKER SWEARS. LIVE IN YOUR INBOX"
 * B3TA KIDS - A LINK FOR THE TODDLERS
 * OLD GAME SPESH - THREE RETRO GAMES SPAZZED UP
 * POTTERY - LIONEL RICHIE TRIBUTE IN CLAY

ISSUE 106: "DRAWING COCKS ON SLEEPING FRIENDS"
 * TOON - TRAGIC KITTENS
 * WEEBL - NEW ONE. WITH PIE.
 * PHOTOS - RATHERGOOD SELFRIDGES WINDOW

ISSUE 105: "CARS ARE STUPID"
 * * ANIM - NEW SONG FROM JONTI "BADGER" PICKING
 * * PHOTOS - STUPIDEST CAR MODS EVER
 * * HEARSES - MOTORBIKE FUNERALS

ISSUE 104: "HITLER OR SHITLER. CAN YOU TELL?"
 * QUIZ - HITLER OR SHITLER?
 * PHOTOS - TRANNY GRANDAD
 * ANIM - LEMUR SIMULATOR

ISSUE 103: "GABBA BADGERS ON MUSHROOMS"
 * TOY - HOW RICH ARE YOU?
 * ANIM - GABBA BADGERS
 * TIPS - BATTERY TIP TESTED

ISSUE 102: "LOOK MUM, WE'RE DEAD!"
 * PHOTOS - DEAD KIDS
 * ART - HUGE POLAR BEARS
 * HUMAN ZOO - OUR FAVORITE WEB FREAKS

ISSUE 101: "WHERE'D THE CHEESE GO?"
 * ANIM - STICKBOY SLIM
 * SWEARING - NEIL ARMSTRONG
 * CHEESE - WEEN

ISSUE 100: "MAGGIE THATCHER ON A TOBOGGAN"
 * FEATURE - MPS ON WHEELS
 * TOYS - XML KITTENS, PALM PILOT, NEWSLETTER
 * ANIM - SAUSAGES

ISSUE 99: "MORRISSEY EXCLUSIVE"
 * ANIM - MORRISSEY ON LINDA MCCARTNEY
 * QUIZ - CODER OR KILLER
 * FRUIT - SECRETS OF THE DOLLHOUSE

ISSUE 98: "HOW MUCH DO YOU WANK?"
 * TOY - MAKE IT RAIN
 * SCREENSAVER - NEW. BETTER. IMPROVED.
 * SURVEY - HOW MUCH DO YOU WANK?

ISSUE 97: "I'M SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT"
 * ANIM - TEDDY BEAR THAT SAYS, "I'M SORRY"
 * PARTY - IT'S TONIGHT!
 * WEEBL - TENTACLE RAPE

ISSUE 96: "BLOKE CLIMBS THROUGH BAT"
 * ANIM - CHEESE TERRORISM
 * QUIZ - FLESH OR FOOD?
 * VIDEO - BLOKE CLIMBS THROUGH BAT

ISSUE 95 : "FRENCH DOG SINGS POP"
 * VIDEO - FRENCH DOG SINGS POP
 * ANIM - THE RETURN OF MR STABBY
 * CHALLENGE - INTERNATIONAL SMOKING DAY RESULTS

ISSUE 94:"LOCAL NEWSPAPER PRINTS GOATSE"
 * STUNT - GOATSE IN THE PAPERS
 * VIDEO - SESAME STREET PINBALL SONG
 * REVIEWS - ALL MUSIC IS SHIT

ISSUE 93: "MAN VS SHED"
 * INTERVIEW - BISCUIT MAN TALKS
 * VIDEO - MAN VS SHED
 * QUIZ - GUESS THE CRAP PAINT

ISSUE 92: "MEN WITH BREASTS"
 * ANIM - GOOSE FANTASIA
 * PARTY - 2ND BIRTHDAY ANNOUNCEMENT
 * QUIZ - MAN BOOBS OR LADY BOOBS

ISSUE 91: "SKIPPY THE GOTH KANGAROO"
 * ANIM - WEEBL VS J-LO
 * QUIZ - SEX OR... STUFF
 * ANIM - SKIPPY THE GOTH KANGAROO

ISSUE90: "BEFORE I KNEW IT, I WAS ALMOST BALD"
 * SITE - CRAP HAIR CUT
 * PHOTOS - SOCK FUCKING
 * VIDEO - SOAKING PEOPLE

ISSUE 89: "GIVE UP WANKING ... FOR THE BLIND"
 * INTERVIEW - WILF LUNN
 * VIDEO - DOG VS WATER
 * CAMPAIGN - WANK HOLIDAY MONDAY

ISSUE 88: "THE TRUTH ABOUT THE TUNBRIDGE MONKEY MAN"
 * ANIM - ELEPHANTS. YEAH
 * INTERVIEW - TUNBRIDGE MONKEY MAN TELLS ALL
 * QUIZ - HE-NAIL OR SHE-NAIL

ISSUE 87: "CLICKITY YOO-DAR CLICKITY YAY"
 * VIDEO - OUCH. HURTY FIRE
 * QUIZ - COKE OR CLEANER
 * VIDEO - BIRMINGHAM BAYWATCH

ISSUE 86: "I TATTOOED B3TA ON MY ARM"
 * WEBCAM PHONEBOX - CALL RANDOM PEOPLE
 * ANIM - BIRMINGHAM IS NOT SHIT
 * MENTALIST - B3TA TATTOOS

ISSUE 85: "HOW TO BOIL AN EGG"
 * SHORTS - 15 SECONDS OF STUPID
 * GAME - PIGEON STREET MASSACRE
 * ANIM - NEW WEEBL

"THE BEST OF .... "
 * STUFF - BEST OF B3TA
 * MORE STUFF - BEST OF EVERYTHING ELSE
 * INTERVIEW - WE LOVE THE IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER

ISSUE 84: "THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T DO SPECIAL"
 * VIDEO - OUCH HURTY STUFF
 * ANIM - HIPPO GIRL
 * PARTY - COME AND SEE

ISSUE 83: "MAN MILK OR MOO MILK?"
 * FILM - MONEY STUCK TO PAVEMENT
 * QUIZ - MAN MILK OR MOO MILK?
 * ANIM - BUNNY VS. MOTöRHEAD

ISSUE 82: "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT"
 * * PRANK - SABOTAGING LETTERS PAGES
 * * ANIM - CRAP LEOPARD
 * * TWIGS - BUILDING A BOAT

ISSUE 81: "RE: YOUR QUERY"
 * ANIM - FATCAT & SATAN
 * VIDEO - PUNK ROCK HAMSTERS
 * PHOTOS - STUPID ANIMALS

ISSUE 80: "FUCK RED NOSE DAY, LOOK AT THIS"
 * GAME - NUN LANDER
 * ANIM - WEEBL PARODY / READER CHALLENGE
 * QUIZ - WHERE THE FUCK DO ABBA COME FROM?

ISSUE 79: "TEENAGE SPIDER ART TERRORISM"
 * ART - SPIDER WEBS IN SCHOOLS
 * ANIM - RETURN OF THE VIKING KITTENS
 * VID - DOGGIE CAM

ISSUE 78: "DIE PIGEON SCUM"
 * VIDEO - CHASING PIGEONS WITH TOY CARS
 * SITE - TRICK PHOTOGRAPHY
 * ANIM - WEEBL MEETS ELVIS

ISSUE 77: "DOMO-KUN VS. DONNIE DARKO"
 * FILM - DOMO DARKO
 * ANIM - GAY BEARS
 * GAME - SHOUT AT YOUR PC

ISSUE 76: "LET'S BOMB THE COMMIES"
 * GAME - UNDERAGE DRINKING
 * ANIM - NEW WEEBL AND BOB
 * QUIZ - SEXPOT OR DESPOT?

ISSUE 75: "ALL TOAD. NO HOLE."
 * * QUIZ - ANIMAL, VEGETABLE OR WHAT THE FUCK?
 * * ANIM - VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR
 * * TOY - RESCUE KITTY

ISSUE 74: "TINY VAMPIRE BOFFINS"
 * ANIMATION - TINY VAMPIRE BOFFINS
 * GAME - FEED THE NINE-MOUTHED BABY
 * INTERVIEW - ARGIE HANDBAG BLOKE

ISSUE 73: "MONKEYS, NOT KITTENS"
 * ANIM - MONKEY SONG FROM RATHERGOOD
 * COMPETITION - WEEBL SELECTS A LADY
 * TOY - DESIGN YOUR OWN RIZLAS

ISSUE 72: "DIY SPIDERMAN"
 * HERO - DIY SPIDERMAN
 * COMPETITION - WIN A DATE WITH WEEBL
 * GAME - RESCUE A POLAR BEAR

ISSUE 71: "ATTACK OF THE UBER-PEA"
 * ANIM - BLODE 6 FROM RATHERGOOD
 * QUIZ - SPOT THE GIF-ERENCE
 * TOY - BOUNCING CATTLE

ISSUE 70 : "MERRY XMAS EVERYBODY"
 * GAME - GLAM ROCK MINESWEEPER
 * MP3 - MAD PERSON SINGS
 * ANIM - 12 DAYS OF XMAS

ISSUE 69: "CLICK ON CLIFF RICHARDS' PANTS"
 * GAME - SPOT THE CLIFFERENCE
 * ANIM - CHRISTMAS KITTENS
 * QUIZ - NOSE PICKING

ISSUE 68: "ARSE"
 * WEB TOY - YOU ARE AN ARSE
 * INTERVIEW - GRAHAM RAWLE
 * CONFESSION - I'VE POOED MYSELF

ISSUE 67: "KEEP YOUR KITTEN WARM"
 * GAME - KEEP YOUR KITTEN WARM
 * QUIZ - ARSE OR ELBOW
 * VIDEO - NUTTER BLOWING STUFF UP

ISSUE 66: "VANDALISE THE WEB"
 * QUIZ - GASH OR TASH
 * VANDALISE WEBSITES - AN EVIL TOOL
 * INTERVIEW - VOICE OF THE LONDON UNDERGROUND

ISSUE 65: "WHY CATS LOVE EARWAX"
 * BUILD YOUR OWN SNOW CITY
 * MOUSTACHE GAME
 * POTATO SONG

ISSUE 64: "WHEN CO-WORKERS ATTACK"
 * PREGNANT QUIZ
 * WHEN CO-WORKERS ATTACK
 * CANNIBAL SEX BARBIE PHOTOSHOOT

ISSUE 63: "DEAD ROCK STAR SPECIAL"
 * ROCK 'N' ROLL WATER COOLER
 * TRIBUTE TO RUN DMC
 * B3TA PARTY .. TONIGHT!

ISSUE 62: "STAR WARS AND THE NEW KITTEN BAND"
 * STAR WARS
 * NEW KITTEN BAND
 * REALISTIC INTERNET SIMULATOR

ISSUE 61: "NAME THAT BEARD"
 * BEARD QUIZ
 * SIMON SAYS, "FUCK"
 * MICKHUCKNALL.COM DOMAIN SQUAT

ISSUE 60: "PATRICK MOORE PLAYS THE XYLOPHONE"
 * PATRICK MOORE PLAYS THE XYLOPHONE
 * SKIFFLE KITTENS
 * UNUSUAL CHILDHOOD BELIEFS

ISSUE 59: "HAVE YOU GOT PARKINSON'S?"
 * LOVE TEST
 * HAVE YOU GOT PARKINSON'S?
 * PENGUIN MADNESS

ISSUE 58: "VIKINGS ARE COOL"
 * VIKING KITTENS
 * BEST SCREENSAVER EVER
 * B3TA PERSON WINS GUARDIAN BLOG AWARD

ISSUE 57: "P45 ROULETTE"
 * JOHN B'S AMERICAN GIRLS
 * BIG NOSED PORN
 * WEEBL SPECIAL

ISSUE 56: "MEAT OR ACCIDENT?"
 * MEAT OR ACCIDENT QUIZ
 * GAY SKELETON ANIMATION
 * EXPLOIT A CRIPPLE

ISSUE 55: "A REQUIEM FOR ROGER MOORE"
 * ROGER MOORE REQUIEM
 * SAD SINGING KITTEN
 * RORY MCGRATH SPIDER GAME

ISSUE 54: "PUNK KITTENS AND THE TWATLAS"
 * PUNK KITTENS SING WHITE STRIPES
 * THE TWATLAS, INTRODUCING THE SWEARING MAP
 * NEW WEEBL THING

ISSUE 53: "WIN A DATE WITH A NET CELEBRITY!"
 * - DUTCH PAINTING QUIZ (BETTER THAN IT SOUNDS)
 * - DESIGN A TATTOO
 * - CREATE A CITY IN PIXELS

ISSUE 52: "TOADS ARE THE NEW KITTENS"
 * WEEBL TO CHANGE HIS NAME
 * STEPHEN HAWKING ANIMATION
 * BLODE 5, TOAD TURMOIL

ISSUE 51: "WEEBL IN FIVE FIGURE MTV DEAL"
 * SPAM TICKER
 * PSYCHIC TRICK
 * WEEBL IN FIVE FIGURE MTV DEAL

ISSUE 50: "THE TRUTH ABOUT MOTORBIKES"
 * MOTORBIKES!
 * FILM TIE-IN QUIZ
 * FIG ROLLS RATED AND REVIEWED

ISSUE 49: "PANDAS MUST DIE"
 * PANDAS MUST DIE
 * SKIVE OFF WORK (AGAIN)
 * ARTY STUFF

ISSUE 48: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAN MAY"
 * SPOON GUARD
 * LET'S FIST AGAIN (LIKE WE DID LAST SUMMER)
 * A TRIBUTE TO BRIAN MAY OF QUEEN

ISSUE 47: "THE RETURN OF THE SINISTER FINGERS"
 * NASTY GINGER FINGERS
 * MARK LLAMA GERBIL FARMER
 * WEEBL AND BOB ... IN FRENCH

ISSUE 46: "WE LOVE YOU"
 * THE KITTEN THAT SINGS, "I LOVE YOU"
 * MR STABBY, HE WANTS TO STAB YOU.
 * INTRODUCING, THE "BLOGDEX VIRAL CHART"

ISSUE 45: "DEATH TO ALL PUPPIES"
 * TOSS THE PUPPY
 * B3TA'S FIRST BIRTHDAY
 * SHEMALE KITTENS
 * B3TA SHOP

ISSUE 44: "INTRODUCINGMONDAY.CO.UK. WE CONFESS ALL"
 * FLICKING V'S AT INTERNATIONAL CORPORATIONS
 * NAZI KITTEN KICK UPS GAME
 * MAKE B3TA YOUR SCREEN SAVER

ISSUE 43: "GET YOUR MATES SACKED"
 * GET YOUR MATES SACKED
 * PAVAROTTI LOVES ELEPHANTS
 * WHEN COME BACK BRING PIE

ISSUE 42: "FOOTBALL VS. ART"
 * FOOTBALL GAME
 * FOOTBALL FAN OR RACIST QUIZ
 * B3TA STEALS THE TURNER PRIZE

ISSUE 41: "JAILBAIT OR LEGAL"
 * JAILBAIT OR LEGAL QUIZ
 * NAME THE BABY. THE RESULTS.
 * JUBILEE CHALLENGE

ISSUE 40: "FUNNEL OR TUNNEL QUIZ"
 * FUNNEL OR TUNNEL QUIZ
 * CHEESE AT THE ZOO
 * THE ASS-O-TRON

ISSUE 39: "H & CLAIRE, JAMIE THEAKSTON & THE WAR FISH"
 * H & CLAIRE FROM STEPS GAME
 * JAMIE THEAKSTON AND THE MAGIC TODGER
 * OFFICIAL B3TA SCREENSAVER - NOW WITH WAR FISH

ISSUE 38: "LEMMINGS, KITTENS & STEPHEN BYERS"
 * B3TA PEOPLE MAKE STUFF - SPECIAL ISSUE.
 * OUR BIRTHDAY PARTY - YOU'RE INVITED
 * RATHERGOOD ON TV

ISSUE 37 "THE SWEARING FISH AND THE SHITTY SHOW"
 * THE IRRITATING FISH THAT SWEARS
 * THE SHITTY SHOW
 * ADD AN ARSE TO ANY PAGE ON THE NET

ISSUE 36: "FEMALE OR SHEMALE ... 2"
 * FEMALE OR SHEMALE ... 2
 * STICK YOUR BOSSES FACE ON PORNO PIC
 * GAZ TOP INTERVIEW

ISSUE35: "GET YOU STUFF ON TV"
 * GET YOUR STUFF ON TV
 * B3TA PARTY... TONIGHT!
 * KESTRELS, DALEKS & POLAR BEARS

ISSUE 34: QUEEN MUM, JEFF MINTER & BLODE 4
 * QUEEN MUM TRIBUTES
 * JEFF MINTER INTERVIEW
 * BLODE 4

ISSUE 33: "TEST YOU GAYDAR"
 * TEST YOUR GAYDAR
 * INSITE PHYSICAL VIOLENCE WITH WORKMATES
 * THE RETURN OF THE YAK

ISSUE 32: SHEMALES, TONY HART & EASTER
 * FEMALE OR SHEMALE CHALLENGE
 * GET TONY HART TO DRAW YOU AN ANIMAL
 * B3TA APPEAL - WE'VE MADE IT

ISSUE 31: SACK OFF THE AFTERNOON, AND LOOK AT THIS COOL STUFF
 * SERVER APPEAL, NEARLY THERE
 * FAKE THEIR DEATH DECLARED "SICK" BY SCOTS PAPER
 * BUY B3TA T-SHIRTS
 * B3TA PEOPLE MAKE LOADS OF NEW STUFF. YAY!

ISSUE 30: THE B3TA APPEAL
 * SAVE B3TA
 * EXPLODE BUNNIES WITH FIREWORKS
 * WHAT DOES HELL LOOK LIKE?

ISSUE 29: FAKE SOMEONE'S DEATH. IT'S BACK!
 * FAKE SOMEONE'S DEATH
 * OSYMYSO INTERVIEWED
 * DESIGN AN ANIMAL FOR THE B3TA ZOO

ISSUE 28: "I WANT TO GET SUED BY STARBUCKS"
 * FUND DANGEROUS IDEAS
 * DESTROY CAPITALISM
 * FERRY HALIM SPEAKS

ISSUE 27: POP IDOL DALEKS
 * POP IDOL DALEKS
 * CAT TOILET DANGER
 * NEW FLASH CHALLENGE

ISSUE 26: LADY DI, CLIFF RICHARD AND THE VENGABOYS
 * LADY DI
 * KITTENS
 * ZOMBIE WINNER

ISSUE 25: RUBBISH TV
 * BLANKETY BLANK
 * TONY HART INTERVIEW
 * ZOMBIE UPDATE

ISSUE 24: DESTINY'S CHILD, ZOMBIE NATION & NOODLEBOX
 * RETURN OF THE MISHEARD LYRICS
 * ZOMBIE NATION, A FLASH VIDEO CHALLENGE
 * LONDON WEB EXHIBITION

ISSUE 23: OUR FAVOURITE STORIES THIS YEAR
 * OUR FAVOURITE STORIES THIS YEAR
 * PHOTOSHOP THE QUEEN

ISSUE 22: FORGET WORK - COME PLAY WITH US
 * GIANT BEE SONG AND MOVIE
 * TONY HART
 * PHOTOSHOP JESUS

ISSUE 21: WANKING SPECIAL
 * THOMAS THE WANK ENGINE
 * WIPING UP JIZZ GAME
 * ANANOVA IMAGE CHALLENGE

ISSUE 20: DOWNLOAD OUR CRABS
 * CRAB BLOKE IN LONDON
 * DOWNLOAD AND WEAR YOUR OWN FINGER CRAB
 * HAS RUPAUL GONE INSANE?

ISSUE 19: CATS ARE EVIL
 * KILL THE SPACE KITTENS
 * PSYCHO TECHNO HYPNO KITTEN SNAKE
 * KITTEN IMAGE CHALLENGE

ISSUE 18: SWEARING SPECIAL
 * BUFFY'S SWEARING KEYBOARD
 * TOP 10 SWEARING SITES
 * HAROLD SHIPMAN IMAGE CHALLENGE

ISSUE 17: RAVES, PENGUINS & LAURENCE LLEWELYN-BOWEN
 * EVERYTHING STARTS WITH AN "E"
 * PENGUIN GAME
 * LAURENCE LLEWELYN-BOWEN IMAGE CHALLENGE

ISSUE 16: TOURETTE'S, DAVROS & TONY HART
 * JOHN'S NOT MAD
 * DAVROS SENDS US EMAIL
 * TONY HART'S GALLERY

ISSUE 15: STEPHEN HAWKING & DAVROS ANIMATION
 * STEPHEN HAWKING & DAVROS IN LOVE
 * PRAWNZILLA
 * HOW OLD AM I?

ISSUE 14: PHOTOSHOP THIS ISSUE
 * TOP THREE "PHOTOSHOP THIS" SITES
 * LIZARD CHALLENGE
 * TINY TENNIS

ISSUE 13: MISHEARD LYRIC SPECIAL
 * MISHEARD LYRIC ANIMATIONS
 * B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
 * PYGMY SHREW NEWS

ISSUE 12: WASTE TIME AT WORK
 * ROCKET CAR
 * BLODE III
 * MACIGAME

ISSUE 11: B3TA FRIENDS SPECIAL
 * BUNNY SEX
 * ROCKSTARTER
 * TINY WINDOWS GAMES

ISSUE 10: THE CELEBRITY ISSUE
 * TOP 10 WEB CELEBRITIES

ISSUE 9: THE CAT ISSUE
 * CAT GAME
 * BRITAIN'S FIRST CAT CELEBRITY
 * TOP FIVE CAT SITES

ISSUE 8: THE DEATH ISSUE
 * TOP TEN DEAD
 * HANK THE DWARF OBITUARY
 * QUEEN MUM DEATH RUMOUR

ISSUE 7: BEWARE THE KITTEN OF WOE
 * KITTEN OF WOE
 * FAKING PEOPLES DEATHS
 * Y2KHAI SCOOP

ISSUE 6: THE RABBIT RETURNS
 * MORE BUNNIES
 * MORE BUNNIES
 * MORE BUNNIES

ISSUE 5: BUNNIES BREEDING ON INTERNET
 * BUNNY GAME
 * BUNNY ANIMATIONS
 * MORE BUNNIES

ISSUE 4: SEARCHING FOX, HIDDEN XIAOXIAO
 * BURNING BUNNY
 * THE INCREDIBLE HANSON-HULK
 * NEIL FROM ANIMUTATION

ISSUE 3: MYSTERY KUNG-FU & THE QUEEN MOTHER
 * KILL YOUR FRIENDS FEEDBACK
 * MYSTERY KUNG-FU
 * CRAIG FROM FLIPFLOPFLYIN SPEAKS

ISSUE 2.1: ERRATUM
 * WE CAN'T TYPE

ISSUE 2: KILL YOUR FRIENDS, DOG SHIT AND PARANOIA
 * KILL YOUR FRIENDS
 * DOG SHIT
 * PARANOIA

ISSUE 1: DRUGS, ZEPPELINS & KILLER FISH
 * DRUGS
 * ZEPPELINS
 * KILLER FISH